Original subtitles

["Boca Chica" by Munya playing]

[McEnroe] Devi sat in her room, fretting and fidgeting

over the drive-by she'd had with Paxton earlier that evening.

First, he had called her "pal."

Hey, pal.

[McEnroe] Then he walked right past her

like she was gathering signatures for Greenpeace.

What did it mean?

Was Paxton actually not into her at all,

and would he never again show up at her...

[knocking on window]

Hey. You should tell your mom that she needs to clean the gutters.

I think there's an Amazon delivery drone stuck in there.

- Whoa, what are you doing? - What do you mean?

You totally walked right by me at the play.

You didn't even slow your pace out of politeness!

Sorry, we were in a hurry. Trent's mom needed the car

to get to her job as an illusionist at The Magic Castle.

Okay, but you also called me "pal."

As far as I know, pals don't creep through other pal's windows to hook up.

Are you embarrassed of me?

No, of course not.

But if I'm being honest, I'm not really a PDA guy,

and I think labels are just kinda cheesy, you know?

I guess.

And it's kinda nice that we save that stuff for when we're in private.

That cool?

[McEnroe] I think any reasonable adult watching this

knows that Paxton's embarrassed of her.

Unfortunately, when you've been romantically unsuccessful

for as long as Devi has, you'll take what you can get.

Yeah, sure.

♪ Moving, moving Way too fast ♪

♪ Slow down If you want it to last ♪

[music continues]

- Damn! - Whoa!

I don't know.

Thanks, El, for bringing all these dresses over,

but it's not very utilitarian.

Like where do I put my TI-84?

In a drawer at home.

You have to look snatched for when you get Cricket Queen,

which you definitely will, B-T-dubs. Everyone's voting for you.

You think so?

I know so. Right, Devi?

Guys, I need to tell you something.

I think I might be sort of...

dating Paxton?

[both] What?

Where did that even come from?

I was trying something. Forget it.

What do you mean "sort of dating"?

Paxton came through my window two nights in a row to make out.

How are we just hearing this?

You should've texted us right after! Or during!

I know, but I think maybe something's not great about it.

Last night, he came over and gave me this whole speech

about how he's not into labels or PDA.

Are you worried that he's ashamed of you? But he's dated you publicly before.

[McEnroe] Devi thought back to her brief relationship with Paxton

and noticed a few things she hadn't seen before.

Oh, you mean a lot to me too, bro.

Oh my God. I don't think he called me his girlfriend then either.

I didn't notice because I was busy two-timing him with Ben!

There's a very easy way to solve this.

The dance is on Saturday. Every couple's going.

So if he sees you as his real girlfriend, he'll ask you.

- Pfft! - Which he definitely will, so...

you need a dress, squirlfriend.

[chuckles]

["Foolish Me" by Loma Suyo playing]

[McEnroe] The next day, it seemed like everywhere Devi turned,

people were asking each other to the dance.

[balloon pops]

She was surrounded by overt proclamations of love,

with no assurances that she would get one of her own.

Paxton had six days to ask her to the dance.

If he didn't, she would officially be a sad side-piece.

Bro! Judge our burping contest?

- [McEnroe] But today wasn't the day. - Mmm.

And apparently, neither was Tuesday or Wednesday.

So by Thursday morning,

Devi's chances of being asked to the dance were looking kinda slim.

Devi was so confused because at night, things were kinda steamy.

I usually go get a snack when this happens.

And there was also a decent amount of sweetness.

Why do you have a little man made of trash lying around?

Don't make fun. He's my art.

I'm not making fun. I love this gum-wrapper dude.

- [chuckles] - I'm gonna keep him.

Mmm.

Oh, Devi!

- Kamala? - You forgot your lunch.

- Oh. - And your wallet, and your phone.

Did you not notice you left with an empty backpack this morning?

Thanks, Kamala. I've been a little distracted.

Cousin Kamala. Hey, welcome back.

Oh, hi.

Manish, right?

Good memory.

So what are you doing back here? Oh, did Devi get suspended again?

Give me some freaking credit, Mr. K.

- ["Roll With Me" playing] - [Mr. Kulkarni] What the...?

♪ Roll, you know I gotta roll You know I gotta roll ♪

♪ If you wanna roll with me ♪

♪ Roll with me, don't fade on me, love ♪

♪ Oh baby, don't play with me now ♪

♪ Slow down, let me talk to you ♪

♪ If you wanna roll with me ♪

- [all cheering] - [laughs]

Oh my God, Marcus! Of course I'll go with you.

- Dope! - [all cheering]

What was that?

Big Winter Dance this Saturday.

Oh! Devi, are you going?

- Uh, it's kinda for popular kids. - Damn, Mr. K!

Maybe. I don't know. I still have to figure some things out.

Uh, you know who is going?

Me.

Although most of the chaperones,

we bail on the dance and go to Mr. Shapiro's class,

and we do karaoke, and we drink booze... Devi, you did not hear that.

- You should come by. - Oh, I...

Ew, she can't.

Her mega-hot fiancé's parents are coming to town.

- Sorry. I... I didn't mean it like a date. - You definitely did.

It's... No. Thank you so much.

If it were any other weekend, I'd love to come.

I'm always looking for an excuse to publicly sing "Drops of Jupiter."

- [laughs] - [Devi fake laughs]

Now that even my adult cousin has been asked to the Winter Dance,

it's time for me to dip. Thanks for lunch, Kamala.

What up, Eric? I wanted to let you know that I'll be at robotics practice later.

You said that the last eight practices. I've talked about it in therapy.

Dude, you've missed eight robotics practices?

You're the captain, and robots are your whole brand.

Yeah, Gears Brosnan is your emergency contact.

Yeah, I've just been busy with this Cricket Queen stuff.

I didn't want to let Sasha and Eve down. It's fine!

So, what's up with Paxton?

- He still hasn't asked you yet? - No. I keep getting my hopes up.

Like last night, he said, "Hey,

do you want to go with me to the Dan Stevens book signing?"

- [scoffs] - I guess Paxton loves Downton Abbey.

Sure, I could see him as a Grantham-head.

Hey, babe! Someone left a little message for you on my phone!

Hey, Ben. Hi.

It's your fellow Clipper fan, Billy Crystal.

- No way. - [laughs]

What are you doing for the Winter Dance? Are you gonna go?

Or you gonna sit at home like a dope, eating pretzels in your underwear?

Aneesa asked me to ask you to go to the dance with her.

- So what do you say? - [laughs]

You say, "Yes." Otherwise, you are a complete doofus.

So what do you think? You a doofus?

Yeah, let's go to the dance. That was awesome!

Full disclosure. I've actually met William.

That's what his friends call him, before...

- Like a Hollywood... - Aneesa! Psst!

[chuckles]

Hey.

Did you just ask Ben to the dance?

Yeah. Why, is that weird?

No, no, no. It's just, most girls around here wait for the guy to ask.

But that's so old-fashioned, and honestly,

it's so much more stressful waiting around for these dumb boys

to get their acts together.

- [school bell rings] - Huh.

[upbeat music playing]

[exhales sharply]

Hey!

So I don't know if you have any weekend plans or anything,

but I was wondering if maybe you wanna do something dumb

and go to...

Whoa, Crazy Devi, are you asking Paxton to the dance?

It's not...

Yeah. Would you wanna go to the dance with me?

Sorry, but... no.

- [sucks in air] - [Trent] Ooh.

Mmm. Mmm.

[somber music playing]

- [sighs] - [Trent] Harsh, dude.

[McEnroe] After that quite public rejection,

Devi was hoping to hide out in the ladies' room

until everyone else went home.

But the thing about crying in a high school bathroom is,

the last person you want to see always walks right in.

- [door opens] - [Ben] Warning!

Man entering the girls' bathroom.

I'm not, like, trying to record you guys peeing or anything.

Ben? What are you doing? Get out of here!

I saw what happened.

[Devi] Great.

[sniffling] Could there just be one day where I don't absolutely humiliate myself?

Listen, if anyone should be embarrassed, it's Paxton.

I mean, have you seen his Instagram?

The last video he posted was of him putting a little snake in Trent's hair.

He's not, like, great at decision-making.

[inhales deeply]

[sighs]

["Running" by GOLDEN playing]

[exhales]

Why are you being nice to me?

Shouldn't you be, like, relishing this moment

with a tub of popcorn and a FIJI Water from your dad's home office?

Well, I don't drink FIJI.

We only do Smartwater because my dad reps Aniston.

Sure, of course. [scoffs]

[sniffling]

Ugh!

I can't go out like this.

The last thing I need is for Paxton to see that I've been crying

and think I'm even more pathetic.

Who cares what Paxton thinks?

[sighs] When are you gonna realize that that dick doesn't deserve you?

♪ But I get these feelings ♪

Also, I heard he bought his abs in Mexico.

[exhales]

Thanks, Ben.

You're not the worst, you know that?

♪ Running ♪

[door opens]

[door closes]

Hey, guys. I'm here, and I got some snacks.

So, Lenny, did you ever figure out

what was wrong with the hydraulic arm on the KX94?

- What's going on? - I hate to inform you,

but you're no longer captain of the robotics team.

I'm the captain now.

What? Says who?

Says everyone!

You abandoned us for your pursuit of popularity.

But guess what?

There's no room for popularity on the robotics team.

It's not about popularity. I was trying to help the queer community.

Well, Lenny's queer. Did it help him when we lost to East Encino last week?

Lenny's queer?

- Oh. - Also, you abandoned your robot.

He was left under a roof leak and started to spark so much

that a little flame burst forth from his head.

- [whirring] - Gears!

Jordan had to replace all of his wiring.

Hey, baby doll. Give Daddy some sugar.

I turned him into a straight-up player!

No! If anything, Gears is a fussy old queen like C-3PO.

You may stay on the team, Fabiola, but under my rule.

[claps]

Hot damn, chickadee. You make my freak flag fly.

[sighs]

[knocking on window]

You can't be serious. You're gonna climb in here after what you did to me today?

I'm so sorry, Devi.

- Knew you didn't think I was good enough. - What? I think you're good enough for me.

You rejected me in front of your friends.

- Not because I think I'm better than you. - Why then?

I don't know, Devi, maybe because you humiliated me. Remember?

I mean, you two-timed me, and then I got yeeted by a Chevy Volt.

[sighs] How am I supposed to publicly be with the girl who cheated on me.

and then ruined my swimming career? The whole school would think I'm a joke.

[McEnroe] When he said it like that, it kinda made a lot of sense.

Look, Devi, I like you.

All right? I really do.

But we either do this in secret or not at all.

So after he publicly swerved you, he showed up for a sneaky link?

That dog!

Yeah, he said he'll only be with me in secret.

How dare he not treat you like the Tamil goddess you are?

You told him to take his toned ass straight to hell, right?

Totally. I mean, 'cause if I didn't, that'd be pathetic of me, right?

Hi, girls. Take your homework upstairs. We're gonna need the room.

Why? What's happening?

We have to cook a regal feast for Kamala's proposal dinner tomorrow.

Are we calling it a "proposal dinner"?

We don't have any evidence to support that.

Oh, sure.

Maybe Prashant's parents flew halfway around the world

to eat Domino's on our couch

and watch Ellen's Game of Games.

Stupid child.

[sighs]

[gentle music playing]

[sighs]

- [knocking on door] - [door opens]

Dad? You're in my room?

- Did I fall asleep on my homework again? - Yes. You drooled all over your maths.

I'm happy to see you, but what's up?

I feel you could use some fatherly wisdom. I can tell your heart is a little heavy.

So you know about the Paxton situation?

I do, but it's not good enough for you, my perfect girl.

You keep calling me that, but I'm so far from perfect.

I keep messing things up.

[laughs] I know.

Some of your recent decisions have been totally wacko.

But just because you've made some mistakes

doesn't mean you deserve to settle for less.

The Devi I know would never agree to be someone's secret girlfriend

kept in the shadows.

Maybe I'm different now.

You're not.

I have known you your entire life,

and you've never been the kind of person who wanted to be hidden away.

Are you disappointed in me?

Of course not.

I call you my perfect girl because you are perfect to me,

not because I expect you to be perfect all the time.

Thanks, Dad.

I miss you.

I am always here.

[exhales]

[gentle music playing]

[McEnroe] After her talk with her dream dad,

Devi knew what she had to do vis-à-vis Paxton.

[exhales]

[McEnroe] But of course, the gods seemed to enjoy

making this as hard as possible for her.

[Paxton exhales]

- We need to talk. - Ahh!

I can't be your secret hookup. That's not who I am.

Okay?

I want a boyfriend who'll take me to the dance, hold my hand,

and let me sit in his lap while we share a chicken sandwich.

That last one was very specific.

I saw Rosalia and Eric do it, and it seemed nice.

- They make a really good couple. - [scoffs] They're a great couple.

Anyway, I know a lot of this is my fault, and I'm sorry.

But I'm not gonna settle for some weird secret thing behind closed doors.

I wanna be someone's public girlfriend.

Look, Devi, I get it.

All right? Really, I do,

but I just can't be that for you.

I'm sorry.

Understood. [sighs]

Well,

thank you for the time we spent together.

You are

very good at kissing.

[McEnroe] This might seem like a sad moment, but not long ago,

this teen had offered up her virginity to him

like it was a hummus sample at the grocery store,

and now, she was walking away from an almost-relationship.

I have to say I'm impressed with the kid.

[exhales sharply]

♪ Please don't look at my girlfriend ♪

♪ She's the only one The only one ♪

♪ Please don't look at my girlfriend ♪

Remember when we were gonna come tonight in a sleek limo with sexy boyfriends?

But then, here we are. Single at our first high school dance,

and we arrived in your stepmom's hatchback.

Yeah. I'm really sorry my dress almost suffocated you.

It really demands more space than a two-door vehicle.

Mmm.

And I'm also really sorry about Paxton, Devi.

- I know you're disappointed. - Yeah.

But honestly, I'm psyched that you're my date.

You're a huge step up from Malcolm.

He stopped wearing deodorant after he heard Leo DiCaps doesn't.

His pits were loud!

Hey, guys. Um, did Fabiola come with you?

No, we thought she was coming with you.

No. She told me she was gonna meet me here,

but they'll hand out the Cricket Crowns soon,

and she's not texting me back.

Huh. I wonder where she is.

[sighs] Come on, Gears, come back to me.

Maybe you should just oil me down, woman.

Fabiola?

Why are you crying?

It doesn't matter. I'm fine.

Honey, your velvet's soaked with tears. You're not fine.

I just thought it would be easier after coming out,

but even with the queer girls,

I feel like I'm constantly trying to fit in.

And now the robotics team hates me, and Gears is a creep.

I guess I'm as bad at being a lesbian as I was a closeted straight person.

I think what you mean is that you're bad at being Sasha and Eve.

Being gay, you're fine at. You like girls, right?

Very much so.

I had a dream the other night that Dua Lipa was feeding me grapes.

[Jonah] I've had that dream too.

Jonah? Where'd you come from?

I'm ubiquitous, henny.

Also, my hearing aids have been specifically tuned to eavesdrop.

It's hard after pretending for so long to finally live your authentic life.

I don't love how straight girls feel like they can casually call me "bitch" now.

Amen, bitch. Oh.

The whole point of coming out is to get to be who you are.

And we love who you are.

[Jonah] Exactly.

So, sister, be who you are.

What up, Sherman Oaks?

[all cheering]

First of all, Zoe and I are so happy to be back on the dance committee,

after everyone realized that the dance

is completely paid for by my dad's car dealership. [chuckles]

And secondly,

in this envelope are the names of this year's Cricket royalty.

So without further ado,

your Cricket Queen and Cricket Queen are...

Eve Hjelm and Fabiola Torres!

- Let's get those sheroes up here. - [all cheering]

Where the hell is she at?

[dance music playing]

[Fabiola] I'm here! I'm here.

[Shira] Okay, gorgeous!

[all cheering and applauding]

All right, it's time for the spotlight dance.

And just to remind you, this is, like, historic.

So nobody else dance out of respect, okay?

If you do, you're a bigot.

[soft dance music playing]

[whirring] Those tiaras are giving me life.

Thanks, Gears.

["You'll Probably Think This Song Is About You" by Hachiku playing]

Look, Eve, I have to tell you something.

I'm not cool.

I don't know anything about pop culture,

and I don't know how to use hip phrases like "what's the tea?"

- And I feel unsafe in ripped jeans. - I know all that.

And the only thing I love besides my family, friends, and you, are robots.

So I don't wanna miss any more practices.

Wait, you love me?

Did I say that out loud?

Damn it! Why do I always blurt out all of my most personal secrets?

I love you too.

What?

Not because I care about you being cool.

Fabiola, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met.

[music continues]

[vocalizing]

- [chattering on TV] - [phone ringing]

- Hello? - [Ms. Warner on phone] Hi, Paxton.

It's Ms. Warner.

I'm sure you're at the dance, so I won't keep you.

I was just going over your end of the semester grades,

and I'm so impressed.

You've really turned it around!

Wow, really? So do you think I have a chance of getting into college?

I do. If you keep this up, you'll have plenty of options.

[sighs] That's awesome!

So it seems like you and Devi made a pretty good little team there, huh?

[laughing] Not that I'm trying to take credit

for your accomplishments here.

Well, maybe just a little. [laughs]

Have a good time tonight. Bye-bye.

[chattering over TV continues]

["Summer Love" by Hello Pongo playing]

♪ I came here alone ♪

♪ Just like... ♪

Hey.

- Hey! - [exhales]

So...

Thanks again for the pep talk the other day.

Yeah. No problem.

So, be honest,

were you in the girls' bathroom to help me,

or was it for perv reasons, and I happened to be there?

Obviously, perv reasons. I don't care about you.

That's what I thought. I was like, "Hold on, wait. Ben is sweet?"

- Then I was like, "Nah." - Yeah, no, I'm a total creep.

[both laugh]

So, uh, like, would you maybe want to...

Hey, guys!

Ben, you can't be a wallflower all night. You have to dance with me!

Think of the steps it'll add to your pedometer.

Yeah, sure. Let's do it.

♪ I came here alone ♪

[music continues]

Mmm, dinner was lovely.

But what I'm looking forward to is dessert.

I'm not quite ready for dessert yet.

I still have a whole lot of food on my plate. [laughs]

I appreciate you wanting to seem like a dainty eater in front of our guests,

but maybe you can try to eat more than one pea at a time, Kamala,

so that they're not waiting so long.

That's okay. We don't have to rush.

- Please, take your time. - [both chuckle]

Some of us don't have a lot of time left,

and we can't wait forever for you to slow-eat your matar paneer.

Prashant, have you given a thought

to how many children you would like to have?

You know, you don't have to answer that. Let me get the dessert first.

No! No, Pati, you sit. I'll go get the dessert.

[sighs]

[chuckles]

[door opens, closes]

[upbeat music playing]

["Love Goes" playing]

Ugh! Another slow song? This is like the third one in a row.

Is the DJ trying to make single people feel like shit?

It's Lenny.

Eric paid him 20 bucks to only play slow songs for him and Rosalia.

♪ You're broken ♪

♪ I know this... ♪

Mmm.

BRB.

Aw. Look at our girl. She looks so happy.

You know, I've learned an important lesson.

Love is not the same thing as being starstruck.

I think the right guy for me will think that...

- [male voice] You're a star. - Huh?

I saw you in the play. You were straight-up transcendent, Erica.

It's Eleanor, but thank you.

So like you wanna dance or something? You could say no.

♪ ...the only one I'm fooling Is my stupid self ♪

- Really? - [Eleanor] Yeah.

Sick.

[McEnroe] Devi was thrilled her most dramatic friend's night

had taken a romantic turn.

But looking at all the happy, let's face it, horny couples around her,

made Devi feel even more alone.

It was time to get the hell out of here.

♪ Goes, goes ♪

♪ That's how love goes, goes ♪

♪ Goes, goes ♪

♪ That's how love goes, goes ♪

♪ Goes, goes ♪

♪ That's how love ♪

♪ Say one day I'll be back ♪

♪ Don't hold your breath ♪

[inaudible]

♪ Just know I hold a place For you always ♪

♪ 'Cause that's how love goes, goes ♪

♪ That's how love goes, goes ♪

- [brakes screeching] - [screams]

- [exhales] - [car door opens, closes]

- [exhales] - [muffled voice] Devi! Oh my God, Devi.

Devi! Devi, are you okay?

I'm so sorry. I didn't see you.

You came to the dance.

Anything broken? Did you hit your head?

Did you come to the dance for me?

What? Yeah, obviously! Now, how many fingers am I holding up?

Three. Wait, you came to the dance for me?

- Yeah, I came to the dance for you. - So what does that mean?

Are you sure I shouldn't take you to, like, a hospital? Or...

This dress is really padded. I'm fine. Are you here as my friend or as my...

Damn, Devi. You're gonna make me say it?

As your boyfriend.

♪ Goes, goes ♪

♪ That's how love goes ♪

[McEnroe] It's happening! It's happening!

- Shit! We've waited so long for this. - [cork pops]

Sorry, having champagne. I'll turn my mic off.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ That's how love goes ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Whoa ♪

[music rising]

So, shall we dance?

Yeah. Okay.

["Say Something" by Kylie Minogue playing]

[music builds]

Are you serious? Now, you play a fast song?

I will end you, DJ Humanoid!

Hey! Hey, hey, it's okay. We can still slow dance.

♪ We're a million miles apart In a thousand ways ♪

Oh my God, he showed.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Of course, it's him. It's always been him.

What? No, it hasn't.

After you took her to Malibu, she wanted to choose you,

but Fab and I talked her out of it. Sorry about that.

And everything she did to Aneesa was because she was jealous,

'cause she thought you were hooking up with her at the relay.

So just for the record, it's not always been him.

♪ In the darkest place ♪

So I guess I'm Paxton Hall-Yoshida's girlfriend now.

- Guess so. - I wonder what that's gonna be like.

♪ Oh, we're just ♪

♪ Just tryna find ourselves ♪

♪ In the storms we chase ♪

♪ Ey, ey, ey, ey, ey ♪

♪ Baby, in and out of summer ♪

♪ We could find our way ♪

♪ I, I think about you Ooh, whoa-whoa, eh ♪

♪ I can't help thinking 'bout ya I'm always thinking 'bout ya ♪

♪ Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah ♪

♪ S-s-s-say something, say something ♪

♪ Tell me how you're feeling ♪

♪ 'Cause love is love, it never ends ♪

♪ Can we all be as one again? ♪

♪ 'Cause love is love, it never ends ♪

♪ Can we all be as one again? ♪

♪ 'Cause love is love, it never ends ♪

♪ Can we all be as one again? ♪

♪ 'Cause love is love, it never ends ♪

♪ Can we all be... ♪