Original subtitles

Clap your hands. Well!

- Well done! - Well done! Bag it up!

- Superb show! - How superb! - Well, that's fun.

What filth!

SOUND OF WHISTLE

- Here in Milan, something new!

Are you sleeping! You are disgusting!

I better go away!

Do you go away too? But now comes the fun!

The Yugoslav representation wins by 11 to 1!

- That's suppose to be nice? - Well... - Do you think I'm an idiot?

- The "rat" are better! - What are the "rat"?

- Good evening, lady. - This shouldn't have been done!

Take the dwarfs to Gorgonzola, not to Milan!

Did he mistake us for pinchers? Commentator!

How did it come to your mind that the little dwarfs would entertain them?

At the court of my ancestors there were always dwarfs

- to entertain guests. - Why did I hired a noble secretary?

- Calamini Calamari. - What? - I didn't speak.

Calamini Calamari!

- What do they want? - Get paid right away.

Tell them I have no money. I'll give him a candy later.

SPEAK IN YUGOSLAVIAN

- What he said? - That he gives the candy to your sister.

Kid, watch your behaviour!

I do not have money! When I can, I will pay!

It depends on when the management of the Totocalcio pays the winnings.

- Will you pay us with the money from the Totocalcio? - You want to pay them...

- Does this speak Neapolitan? - Yes, and if you don't give me the money right away

- I'll break your face! - Who do you break the face of?

- To you! - I'll give you a slap and knock you down...!

This is an assault! Little Criminals!

We give you ten minutes.

If when we come back, you don't give us the money, we'll give you the change!

But he didn't break my glasses!

Over there!

Leave me alone!

- Ouch! - "Pain relief" cachet? - No thanks.

It also relieves hunger cramps.

We also lost the market in Milan.

- Here are the millions! - But they have difficult tastes.

I have decided, I go to Ercole in Via Catania, I borrow the money,

- and I pay the damages. - Yes, those will be back in ten minutes.

- Excuse me, mister policeman. - Permit?

- Via Catania, please. - So, Via Catania...

- Where is Via Catania? - We wanted to hear from you.

- We want to watch the guide? - Yes, let's look at the guide.

Sorry, I leave and consult.

But look!

- What is it, Commentator? - I can smell...

My discovery, if exploited well,

it can make a lot of millions.

I believe it may have a high scientific value, but millions...!

My dear Hans, in the hands of a person of few scruples

can make many millions.

You are welcome.

I told you it smelled like millions!

- Where you go? - To find out what is this discovery that makes millions.

- But in the hands of someone with few scruples. - And what am I?

Here, my beautiful machine!

With this machine I managed to overcome the time barrier.

I can go back and forth in time.

- It's clear? - Very clear.

Each item, like this hat has three dimensions:

Width, length and thickness.

But it also has another dimension: Duration.

With this machine I can go on up to 2000 or 3000!

Or I can go back to the past year, to a century ago.

Until millennia before Christ.

Terrific! But don't know how we can he make millions out of it?

Me neither. - Think of someone using this machine.

going into the future, even the immediate one.

- It could also use it at once

and correct history errors in our textbooks.

What a fool!

- Is the machine ready? - I could even use it right away.

I'll experience it myself, maybe tomorrow.

I ate too much tonight. Come.

- Goodbye, my dear. - Terrific!

- Please, the secret. - Trust me, "water in your mouth".

But don't trust us, "water in the throat"!

- Hi, honey. - Hi, honey.

Did you hear what they said? Millions!

What a beautiful machine!

Where is the light?

Aah! Plan!

- Here we go. - Where, Commentator?

Let's go for a moment in the next year and then come back.

Commentator, what is it, a cruise?

No, a turnover. We look at the Lotto winnings, the lotteries,

and then we go back. Think about it:

One thirteen a week, ten five every eight days,

and then the lotteries! Monza, Agnano, Merano, Tripoli...!

That of Tripoli is no longer there.

But there is Canzonissima, one hundred million!

- My head hurts just thinking about it! - What does he do? Stop!

- Get in, it's comfortable. - No, I'm not going up.

- I... - I'm giving an order.

- Is there a lever that says "Next"? - Yup.

- Move the lever. - Commentator Proteti's will be done.

No! Let's go back, wrong lever!

- Who I am? - They come from Heaven! Maybe Jupiter sent them!

He is angry with us because we let Hercules go.

Hercules would have already cut them down.

I understand, we are in Cinecitta� where they are shooting a mythological film.

- No, Commentator, the walls are real! - Wait.

- Excuse me... - They are afraid of us, they run away.

Why run? I didn't ask anyone for a penny here.

Foreigners, what do you want?

We would like to know where we are.

You are in the city of Antiossa, under the happy reign of King Eurystheus,

which made me blind because I was on the side of Hercules.

- I know Euristeo! - Is he a friend of yours? - No, I studied it.

Eurystheus, the king of Argolis, imposed the 12 labors on Hercules.

- He's a guy who works! I go. - No!

He lived in 5000 BC We are in 5000 BC - Cheers!

- Like? - He said "Acci" 'He sneezed. - BC BC.

Mr. Count here are the guards too!

- You two! - I understand, you can't park, let's leave immediately.

Who you are, what you want and where you come from.

Show the documents. Passport, everything.

This is my driver's license.

I can't read these characters.

It is a document issued by the Rome police headquarters.

What is Rome?

He doesn't know what Rome is! Then they are really burini!

- No, Rome does not exist yet. - Does not exist?

- Follow us to the palace. - To the palace?

Here is still the monarchy! He will be happy, count!

The monarchy is synonymous with good manners and kindness.

Your fate will be decided by the great King Eurystheus.

He is a peasant monarchist.

Great King Eurystheus, you said to Deianira, the betrothed of Hercules,

- who do you want to marry her? - We still don't know if Hercules is dead.

Here she is. Good morning, Deianira, come sit with me.

- This is your place. - But that's not yours, it's from Hercules.

How dare you talk to me like that? You take advantage of my love,

But do not exaggerate.

You asked to see me. What do you want?

Look in the sphere of the fortune-teller Ecubona what is happening to Hercules.

If he's alive, I'll wait for him.

Commentator. - What's up? - Look.

Sphere of truth, let me see where Hercules is right now.

- What's this? - It must be some kind of television.

- Can not see anything. - Calm down, let me warm up.

The Cyclops is dead, Hercules has already killed him. Hercules will return.

No, he is awakening after having digested Hercules.

Shut up! Hercules cannot be dead!

- We are indigestible. - I'm skinny.

- No! - Have mercy!

Why! We did nothing!

Do it for the children!

> Va via. > No.

> What does it do? > Move the mountain!

> Help. It is returning.

- How many sheep! - It will be the interval.

The sheep! A trick of Hercules! Divine son of Jupiter!

If this keeps blowing, I get pneumonia!

Excellency, please don't devour us.

We are numerous children.

- Eat fish. Phosphorus is good for the brain. - It's Friday.

- Indeed, my friend has the face of a fish! - Hey!

Dude, my friend with the fish face! Aah-ii!

I convinced him, it winks at me!

- He got angry! Go away. - Let's hope.

He can't cook us, there is no salt, pepper, parsley!

The celery! If you want, we can go and get the smells.

The end is near!

I will kill the Cyclops in combat, like everyone else.

Ah!

- Unfortunate! - You wanted to eat us, huh?

- Flat feet! Commentator. - Commentator! Cuckold!

Away this ball! Nothing is true!

- Bad, Eurystheus! - Sorry, Ecubona.

- Ecubona is good. - But Deianira is something else!

- But Ecubona is good. - Yes, but Deianira...!

Ecubona. - It's good. - You are.

Compliments.

- King Eurystheus. - Speak, Phaeton. - What's your name? - Phaeton.

The face has it!

The glass-eyed man and the camel man

they fell from the sky astride an infernal device.

- They are sent by Jupiter and friends of Hercules. - Are you friends of Hercules?

Yes, he wanted to give me the number of the mud fighters for a few lire!

- We are childhood friends. - Shut up, Commentator.

- I do not understand. - He said he was a friend of Hercules.

- Another Hercules. - There is only one of Hercules!

- Let's throw them alive in the pit of death. - Yup! Phaeton, let's throw them out.

Yes, let's throw them into the pit of death!

This is really "phaeton"! Hands down!

What beautiful manners! They closed.

- The lion! The crocodile! Hyenas! - What is it, the zoo?

Calm. I'm over there, just don't fall down.

It moves! - The beast? - No, the wall!

Count, come here! This too!

These make us do the death of the mouse!

What do we do now, Mr. Count?

- Go ahead! - There are those!

Exactly, so when I throw myself, they are no longer hungry.

No! The crocodile no!

When that one has eaten, he cries and I cannot hear him cry.

- Go to the hyenas. - No, they laugh, they make me angry.

- Then the lion. - What do lions do after eating?

I don't know, I've never had lunch with a lion!

They move! Throw it!

You throw it, it's my employee!

- Give me room, put your belly in! - Incredible!

Dying 7000 years before being born!

Cheek to cheek with him! He also has a stiff beard!

Nobility and people finally united!

- Goodbye, Commentator. - Goodbye, Rosseghin.

- It's the end! - It's the end. > Hey!

- Who is it? - Death calling us.

The death? - Yeah. - Come on, quick.

- No, she's a beautiful girl. - What do you want?

- Deianira awaits you. - We are safe.

- Skip the meal today. - It will be for another time.

- Treats. - Thanks for saving our lives.

- Why did he do it? - You are friends of Hercules, aren't you?

- Actually... - Yes, there is only one of Hercules!

- I'd do anything for him. - Tell them I'm in danger. Run!

From there.

- Thank you Madam. - What is this? - The hand kiss.

It is a sign of homage of our time.

No, it is used only with those who wear skirts, priests and women.

- Here we go. - Yup.

- Hercules never kissed her hand? - No.

He squeezes me until my breath is taken away.

Material!

- Thanks again. - Rosseghin, let's go! - Yup.

How gentle and distinguished the camel man is.

If he were also as strong as Hercules, he would be my ideal man.

Come on.

We are at the gates of the city, now just go outside.

Are you dressed like this? - No! - Shh!

No, we dress like them. Nothing will happen.

- Here. What number of armor port? - I do not know.

Keep the umbrella. Give me this. Keep this one.

Damn, these wheels break your legs.

I bring milk into town and when I get there, it's turned into butter.

They pay a lot of taxes and have not solved the problem of the wheels.

- Who are you? - Aimone, the villager. Here is my pass.

- And he? - A traveler who asked me for a ride.

- Do you give the passes to strangers? - Aah!

What ways are they?

So you learn! He could be an enemy of our great king!

Well done, sentinel!

Guard out!

Soon! The first to arrive last I throw him in!

- Quick, Commentator! - The mop does not enter!

- Hurry up! - I have the iron here on my nose!

Take off your glasses.

- To the meeting, quick! - I would like to mark him visit.

Silence! The first to arrive last I throw him in!

- Mister count, where is he? - I'm here.

Give me your hand.

I want to know if I can trust you.

- How is your obedience? - Ready and blind!

For sure is blind.

Seated.

Seated.

You two, come out.

- Fight to the death. - We are ready, great king.

- They're crazy! - To death?

Aah! I die happy, I thank you for the honor, my great king!

That idiot thanks as well!

You, the hunchbacked one and the fat one, come forward.

We? - Yeah. - Come on, are you afraid?

- No! - Do as your comrades.

- Us? - Yes, would you like to discuss the king's orders?

Out of the daggers!

- Mine doesn't come out. - Not mine either.

- Here are the daggers. - Damn Phaeton!

- Whoever acts cowardly will be killed by me. Ready to die? - Sure.

- Street! - He won't really want to kill me!

- Maybe, but I don't see it well. - Then? - Ready!

Until death!

- Let's pretend. Plan! - Alright!

I said to pretend! So.

- What are you doing, dancing? - We are not practical, we are archers.

You could have said it before. You, come here.

- Is there an apple? - Don't worry, I have no appetite.

- Take it, it's bad not to accept. - Okay thanks.

Leave me a piece.

- Give his partner a bow. - Can we do the opposite?

- To him the apple and me the bow. - After.

- There will be no "after". - Plan!

Down! On your knees!

Do you see me?

- What are you doing? Why are you moving? - He is good as the moving target.

Aah! High treason! Arrest them and behead them!

You again? You will pay for it.

Tomorrow you are invited to the betrothal banquet with Deianira.

Thanks, it's very kind of you.

You will be invited, but not as a guest.

SOUNDS OF TRUMPETS

Latest news. Crete. From the palace of Minos

it was made by Daedalus and his son Imachineo

the first attempt of man's flight into space.

The launch failed miserably.

Worldly news. The engagement banquet

of our sovereign with Deianira, will be cheered up by music and dances

and dexterity numbers.

illuminated by human torches.

The report of the party will be given with the latest news. Good evening.

- What a beautiful party! - We light the human torches, majesty?

- Yes. Phaeton! - Right away, with real pleasure.

Imagine if that said no!

Here it is. There he is!

One moment! It's not dark yet, you can see well.

You're sorry to see Hercules' friends burn, right?

These Mesopotamian nuts are magnificent!

- Want one, Deianira? - Yes, crush it.

I knew it! You don't have the strength of Hercules in your hands.

But I have stronger teeth than him.

Aah!

Quick, an exorcism for my tooth!

My king, Aesculapius also says:

"When the toothache comes, whoever has it keeps it".

- I'd like to get the toothache off. Do you have a remedy? - Yup.

- Count, the magic of Aesculapius. - Thing? - The cachet.

- Ah, the Pain Relief! - Is it a magic formula? - Almost.

Soon! Ouch! - Here, Majesty. - Swallow.

Swallow! One is enough!

- I don't get it! - Mister count, he took them all.

- Now fall asleep! - It's worse than before! Turn them on!

Noo!

- This is goodbye! - The waltz of candles!

The pain has passed me! They are magicians! Turn them loose!

We kill them? > No, extinguish them!

Stop!

Free them.

- See? - Only I am the wizard of Antiossa!

Sire, we too are magicians!

My friend and colleague: The camel man

- will show you the precious gift that Minerva gave us. - Who?

Minerva, the famous goddess Minerva! From the Popoli plant!

Show the majesty the precious memory of the lands of Macedonia!

Like? - The fruit salad! - I understand!

- One thing I can't describe... - Here it is!

Warning!

Done!

We are the masters of the fire!

Count, smoke!

Eat fire, heal pains... you are magicians!

If you are magicians, you are friends and you will be invited to the engagement party.

Come on here! We are the children of Vulcan!

We eat the fire and we can light it at any distance!

- You're looking for trouble with that thing! - Do not worry!

Shoot the bomb!

Feel what a bang! Listen!

Little wizard, did you see?

- Majesty, the party begins. - Here we go!

ORIENTAL MUSIC

- We don't kill these, do we? - No but

I understand. Girls, a little life!

One moment.

Girls, a little cheer! His majesty is falling asleep!

Majesty, life is beautiful with "Cha-cha-cha"!

One, due... Cha-cha-cha!

Father-father-father!

MUSIC CHA-CHA-CHA

- Is it a sacred dance? - No, very profane!

It is a dance that initiates the sacred rites of love.

- If you allow, I'll teach the young lady. - All right. - Come.

Follow me well! One, two... three.

Like?

Better!

Majesty, the little leg, the hip and the bottom a little up!

One, due... Cha-cha-cha!

Move a little sideways like this!

How cute! Too bad you are friends of Hercules!

Hercules? Who knows him?

- Count, do you know him? - Never seen?

- That's not true, she said she knew him. - Go to hell!

- Would you fight against Hercules? - Let's wait no more!

- True, count? - Sure!

Hercules is very strong, he is unique!

In our age, we of Hercules make dozens of them.

Round.

Stop!

- What happens? - Would you make some Hercules?

Give us back the machine and we will bring you as many as you want!

- No! - Yes. - Make them here, aren't you magicians?

It takes time.

If Hercules returned from Trinacria will find stronger Hercules,

you will get your machine back and you will be free, otherwise... death!

Father-father-father!

- Do you understand, count? - The death! - Damn him!

The machine.

Majesty, why do you put the pillow on your head?

- To be comfortable on the wagon. - With us he goes somewhere else.

- Why in the head? - I do not know.

Come on.

- Ouch! - Ouch!

- They're crazy! - Stop!

The springing does not work!

Commentator, it's the wheels!

Majesty, the wheels are not made this way!

- How to make? - Round.

Round? Really?

These wheels are extraordinary!

What a beauty to travel like this! Those two are terrific!

Who knows what Ercoli have prepared!

If they were really safe, why are they trying to steal my key

- the machine's hiding place? - Where did you hide it? - Safe.

- The Minotaur guards us. - Bravo, bravo, bravo.

Come on, guys! To work! To work!

Up your arms! Up your arms!

You two work seriously!

Pull it up right away!

Great teacher, I haven't seen my husband for two months.

He must maintain his strength for the arrival of Hercules.

- But... - Okay.

- When I have time... I'll explain how things are going. - Patience.

- Our great king! - How are you? - Majesty...

Wonderful!

Britone was skinny as a nail and now looks like a stuffed chicken!

Seen? -Yup!

- Super workout, majesty. - Well, keep going!

Well done! Well done! I am pleased!

Look at that!

- Sad? - I think about the return of Hercules.

Do not fear for his fate, they can do nothing against him.

I fear him for my fate and yours!

- Again! - Ostrega!

Come on!

It's not enough, huh?

Allows?

- Come on, quick! - But that never stops?

It should stop, it's noon!

- How do you know it? - Can't you see the siren? Hey!

- Aren't the mermaids in the sea? - It's a freshwater mermaid!

Hey!

Oooo0oh!

Let's shut up our ears!

Forward my faithful ones, we are in sight of Antiossa!

Here we go!

Here we go.

Well, good. Well done!

> Eurystheus! - What happens?

My great King Eurystheus, Hercules is coming!

- Damn, he's early! - The big time has come.

Ercoli, to the palace!

You hinder his step in front of the city walls!

- He's here. - He's here.

Be indifferent. Be indifferent.

- I can not stand it anymore! - Then go slow!

We have arrived.

My friend, look what a female!

- How beautiful she is! - She's also tall.

- Let's get closer. Wonderful. - Permission?

Now I'll call you. Beauty?

Ah! It is too high!

You always insist with the highs! These are beautiful!

Small, but tasty!

Stop, Hercules! Eurystheus orders you to leave!

- What's Phaeton? - You don't have to go into Antiossa.

Eurystheus is my friend and you won't stand in my way!

- Yes, it is. - We'll see! The club, my faithful ones!

- Are you water lilies? - Sure, can't you see the smile?

TURMOIL

- Did he thunder? - Maybe it will rain.

Archers to me!

Quickly!

Arrows!

No! Help! Open up!

Open up, quick!

Open up! I'm Hercules!

Take the bar and put it at the door!

Resist until you die!

So, we bring you the amphorae, and you take us around the city.

- Your home, your living room. - Bedroom!

Is it true that you use sheets on the continent?

You are nice girls!

And we want to lead a quiet life!

The door is wide open, it is a hospitable city! Let's proceed!

- What beautiful paintings! - They weren't there last night!

They are fast artists!

Too bad it's a kind of painting that doesn't stick!

- There he is! - I'll take machinee of it!

The kegs! Where are the kegs!

- The kegs! - One moment. - Come on the Presto!

Here they are.

- Nice drums! - It's not over, look!

Hercules! Hercules!

Welcome back, from your trip to Trinacria!

They make peace, look!

- The key! - Take it.

- Here it is! - Quick, to the machine!

- Is it true that you didn't want my return? - But I'm your friend!

It is the fault of those two foreigners who are fleeing.

The camel man also attempted to steal your fiance.

Here it is!

That!

- The machine is back here! - Deianira told the truth!

INHUMAN VERSES - He put it in a stable!

It will be ruined!

SHOTS

- Who is it? - The Minotaur! - Il Mino... what? - Tauro!

He chases us! Quick, otherwise it reaches us!

Permission! - Rude! - Get upset!

- Look at that cuckold! - The women of the continent reduce them like this!

- Mister cuckold, we don't know your lady! - Calm down!

Come on, excellence!

Come on, without mercy!

- Excellency, am I going to get the club? - I do not need it anymore!

- Those who have plotted will be punished. - We are innocent.

Deianira, my bride, you will sit on my throne.

- Ingrassiade, you will be minister of justice. - Thanks.

- Francheo, you will be police minister. - The police!

Who administers, administers! Finally we eat!

- Long live Hercules! - Death to the traitors!

Hurray!

- Are you still following us? - I don't have the courage to turn around!

Maybe we have distanced it. Mamma Mia!

- All is lost! - Even honor!

I fled ignominiously before a man with horns!

But if he comes back, I'll face him!

The Minotaur!

It's a cow!

- Here we go. - Where is it? It would take the time machine!

- Who knows what they will do in Antiossa. - Who knows! Here we go.

♪ Congratulations, comrade, you make women of war.

♪ More the military attitude, the nicer it seems to me.

♪ With women making war, the more fiery the attack goes.

♪ With a melee, in a beautiful land to land,

increases the population!

♪ Soldiers with superiors, at attention and chest out.

♪ With mouths that look like hearts, give kisses here and there. ♪

LAUGH

Francheo, Ingrassiade, the great minister Caiphant wants you now.

- Is this "stinker" still alive? - Here we go! - Here we go.

- Honor the great Caiphant. - I'm the chief of police.

- No! It's me! - It's him! - Read the decree of Hercules.

"The offices, the police corps,

the means of transport of Francheo and Ingrassiade

they will pass to the minister Caiphant who will replace them in everything."

- What have we done wrong? - You have made these girls mothers.

- Now you have to marry them! - Sentenced to wives!

It is not enough! You will leave in search of the two foreigners

- who attempted the life of King Hercules! - The free ride is over!

- You'll have to bring them back dead or alive! - How would that be?

Live them... or dead you!

Get out and get married! What a mafia continent!

What tiredness! My feet are all swollen!

I will be dropped at least 5 kilos!

We've been walking for two days and nights,

not even at the Milan Fair do I get tired like this!

Nice situation, Mr. Count.

Lost in time and with the machine in the hands of Hercules!

- Hercules in the arms of Deianira. - Think about Deianira! You make me angry!

What do we do now? Who do we ask for help?

- Help! - It is useless for you to shout, nobody hears us. - Like?

- There is no point in asking for help! > Help! - What a little voice!

Commentator, I didn't call for help. > Help! Help!

Is it the echo? - Yes, I'm the nymph Eco!

Where are you! - Inside this boulder.

- What boulder? - The one about who you are sitting! - Excuse your shoulders.

- What are you doing on that boulder? - I'm in love with Maciste... iste.

The son of the mountain. The sorceress Circe, jealous...ealous,

locked me in here... here. Get me out!

- It's not easy... easy! - Wait!

- Ouch! - Easy. - Pardon miss.

- Call Maciste, he will save me!

- Shall we call him? - Let's call it.

Maciste!

- Mr. Maciste. Mr. Maciste? - So he doesn't hear you.

Ahhhh!

Commentator, it's not Tarzan!

- Ahhh!

- Who is calling me? - We. There is your girlfriend inside that stone.

- Maciste! - Do you hear it? - Here I am! You two, go!

How strong it is!

He is stronger than Hercules. He will save us, I have an idea.

- For heaven's sake, enough of this ideas! - Don't you trust me anymore?

Distrust comes from experience.

Two equal and opposite forces cancel each other out.

Let's play Maciste against Hercules and we'll be safe.

We can get the machine back and get out of this lousy century.

- It's true, but how do you do it? - Commentator, come.

Did you see?

Wow!

The sheep's marrow is the secret of its strength... ength.

For this Hercules, who eats lion marrow,

is a thousand times stronger than him!

Hercules is stronger than Maciste... iste.

You know Maciste returning from the valley of the Cyclops, to cross the sea,

has rowed with a hundred oars by himself?

Hercules doesn't need to row!

He loads the ship on his back and takes a stroll

and cross the sea on foot!

You knows that Maciste... in the valley of the Kings... kings... kings... ings...

Was enchanted.

Has raised the granite obelisk... isk!

- Then? - Is this a test of strength?

Hercules, with the obelisks, picks his teeth!

You know it, you know it very well!

- In what sense... ense? - In the biblical sense!

- Abraham met Rebecca and Jacob was born. - Bravo, Count.

Hercules knew her and Maciste's horns were born!

This is what Hercules says!

Maciste, go to Hercules and give him two black eyes like that!

- So? - Yes, like that!

Done, Mr. Count. We accompany you.

Maciste! Go easy... asy!

If you are in danger, this myrtle will dry out

and I will come to your aid! Go, Maciste... iste!

I'll stop him Maciste! And tonight you will be mine!

Word of the sorceress Circe!

SOUND OF PIGS

Shut up, pigs!

I turned you into pigs because I didn't love you, but I love him!

Are you jealous? But you can't compare to him!

You are almost better now than before!

Maciste will remain by my side forever and you will be his food!

Stop grunting!

- Circe sorceress? - On your knees, slaves, in my presence!

I can't stand women taller than me!

You can get up.

- What's up? - The divine Maciste is crossing your territory.

I know. I know it all. I'm a sorceress, right?

You may not know that he is headed for Antiossa to fight with Hercules.

Curse! He breaks it before use!

Maciste will not go to Antiossa, he must stop here!

- How will he do it? - I'll bring down the night... I'm a sorceress!

Bring me dust of darkness and storm extract number 2.

The one with the machined.

Night. NOX... NOX... NOX.

EUNATRATNOX.

Night, long night.

# Waning moon night... #

Night, my sorceress companion, come down on Maciste and whoever accompanies him!

Mannaggla!

- Maciste! - Maciste!

- Why does he run like this? - You exaggerated.

- It? - Yup! He told him that Hercules is stronger than him,

who picks his teeth with obelisks!

I wanted to piss him off.

He exaggerated when he said that Hercules puts ships on his shoulders.

- Commentator, you said so. - You said so, count.

- No, you said it! - You!

- I went blind if... - But

I really went blind!

You have gone blind and I can't see at all!

- I always said that you bring bad luck! - No, night has fallen!

- Has night fallen? - But I don't see the stars.

- Damn, I've seen them! I got a tree! - Follow me!

Storm extract, storm concentrate.

Bring me Maciste, but without hurting him.

Yet!

- Commentator... - Shut up! You bring bad luck!

"Me? -Yes! - May I drown if it's true!"

The umbrella! - Yes. - What did I say?

- Sorry, Commentator. - There is a light there.

- Where is it? Follow me with the umbrella, don't discover me. - I'm here.

- What water! - Here we are.

- Bus? - Bus.

- You bet there's a cabaret? - Better not go in!

- Why? - Let's go in, at least it doesn't rain there.

Sure, jujube!

SOUND OF HARPS

Here you can see nothing.

Nice!

- We finally found a roof! - The chairs are missing.

- Commentator, take a seat. - After you.

- You never know! - Quite right.

I would like to drink!

- I knew it! - I don't like it.

I SING

Who knows what those who sing are! It's a cabaret!

Lullaby!

- I don't see it clearly. - Yes, yes.

Who is the mistress? The landlady!

The landlady?

It's me!

- What's your name? - My name is not.

- What do others call you? - Nobody calls me.

It is I who call and want!

How many stories! What's your name?

- Who knows dies! Do you want to know it? - I? What do I mean!

- Do you want to know? - No! Do not bother!

- I have to talk to you. - Well, we'll clear up some mysteries.

- Maciste, are we going with you? - No, go to the guest room.

Over there!

- Shall we go, count? - One moment.

Here we go.

- Look how many pigs! - My God, the pigs!

- Where did we go? - If I'm not deceived, in the sorceress's den.

- Ah! That crazy woman is a sorceress! - Laugh too!

- That crazy is the sorceress Circe! - Circe?

Are you a direct pig farmer?

No, she is the one who turns men into pigs with kisses!

What does he tell me! It is not likely, count!

- Is what has happened so far probable? - No.

But I don't think a woman can turn men into pigs!

- Believe it! - What did you say, sorry?

- Mamma Mia! A pig that speaks! - Are you convinced now?

I am a pig, but I was a great politician.

Strange, the opposite happens with us.

- He transformed us like that with a kiss. - The witch?

Then his kiss is like a pork!

Commentator! The minolupo!

Chi?

VERSION

> What do they say? > I don't know.

Now one of us has to die!

Anghigò, three hens and three capos,

to go to the chapel there was a beautiful girl,

that sounded the twenty-three! One, two and three

it's up to you!

This. - The great politician!

Understood? Here instead of making them eat, they eat them!

No!

Mr. butcher, leave him alone, he's so cute!

It's over. - Now it's your turn!

Eh? Ah!

It's up to you. - No, you two!

What? To us?

To us?

- It's up to you... - To be admitted in the presence of our mistress.

Come on.

- Come on, Commentator. - Over there? - Over there.

- The voice comes from there. - They said from here. - Here.

How beautiful you are!

Why are you so suspicious, Maciste?

- Do you know my name? - I know everything about you, the width of your chest,

of your shoulders, of your biceps.

- I think I know who you are. - Yup? Who I am?

- The sorceress Circe. - Good boy! The correct answer!

The fee... a nice kiss. What manners!

Your friends! Please make yourselves comfortable.

- No thanks. - Can I offer you something?

In conclusion...

Prosciutto?

No!

Salami? - No, no! - No.

- Pork? - He's the politician from before!

- Excellence. - Compliments.

- Mortadella? - That's not the case.

Beans with pork rind.

- A little heavy. - No thanks.

We have no appetite, we are fine this way.

Then go! Quick! In bed without dinner!

- To bed? At this time? - Are you coming?

- Commentator, remember the pigs, don't be a pig! - Yes but...

Good evening, sorceress.

Maciste, call for delays. Why do you reject me?

Hold me tight in your arms, take my breath.

- What? - Take my breath.

All like this: Big and retarded!

- Hold me in your arms. - I want to go.

Little man, big kid!

Come here, A ZEZE '! Sit here.

No? All right.

What are we doing?

Stop. - Why? - Try to reason, if you can.

- Say. - Circe is in love with Maciste. - Then?

- If she kisses him we're ruined! - Why?

Instead of the strongest man in the world we will have the strongest pig in the world.

Yeah, what do we do with it? The Modena fair does not exist yet.

- Modena? - Nothing.

Circe must absolutely be prevented from kissing Maciste.

You go, I sacrifice myself with the girls.

Patience!

This Roman cheated me!

I love you, Maciste! Why do you refuse my love as a sorceress?

Circe the sorceress at your knees! Think about it there is only one sorceress!

You are dumb as a stone! It shows that you are a child of the mountain!

Why are you leaving?

Don't worry, I love you too much to transform you like the others.

Give me your hand, feel how my cardio musculatory system beats.

- What? - Heart, fool!

The older they are, the more ignorant they are!

But you will not escape me!

- Pardon miss. - What's up?

What time is it?

It's time for you to go.

- What are you doing here? Go away. - That's what the sorceress told me.

Then MACICCE LA CIFFE... MATISTE LA CICCI...

- So the idiot went crazy? - Yup.

Doesn't my "Circe" charm enchant you? My magic will enchant you.

If I can't have you by love... I'll have you by force.

Sit next to me.

Look at me lovingly.

Sigh for me.

Sighs, does not blow!

- Tell me you love me. - "That you love me."

- Repeat like a parrot? Say "I love you". - I love you.

- I love you I love you. - I love you. I love you.

Good boy. Now hold me tight in your arms.

Harder. Harder.

Ouch! A little less strong!

Now I close my eyes and you will give me a kiss.

What do I see... ee! The sorceress is about to kiss him! No!

You would like my strongman! And I take his strength away!

BRUUU!

Kiss Me. Minus four,

minus three, minus two, minus one...

MACISTE SNORES

This is too much! No one has ever offended me like this!

You fool wake up!

Take him away, he offended me! He will pay hard for this affront!

CIRCE LAUGHS

Take it away! You'll pay me dearly, Maciste!

Kiss kiss!

- Help, strangers! - What happend? - It's Maciste's voice.

- Asks for help. - And who helps us?

- We. - You? Beautiful fairies, why?

- You kiss so well! - Modestly we Romans

- 7000 years of experience! - Common nobles are good!

- Committed, I revere. - That way? Here we go.

Sorry.

- Ingrassiade? - Francheo!

- Ingrassiade, where are you? - Here!

- Where am I? - I don't know! - Keep looking for me!

- Ingrassiade? - Huh?

- Ouch! - I mistook you for a tree.

Half an hour ago it was day and now it's night.

Don't be surprised, we are on the continent!

- Let's go back to Antiossa. - Without those two?

- Who knows where they will be! - Who knows!

- Rosseghin, can you lend me an umbrella? - Why?

- To support me. You see? - No. - Me neither!

- Watch out for holes, we could fall. - I know.

Let's go slow. Here is a branch.

A hand! Excuse me, good man, which side are we on?

- From the right one! - Arrest them!

- Come on, women! - Don't resist!

- Everyone to Antiossa! - Easy, I'm ticklish.

- We got them! - Sure!

- They are not bad! - Where is my strength?

- Give me back my strength. - I didn't take it off!

I will...

The myrtle is green again, my Maciste, you are safe... alvo.

Don't worry, your strength hasn't been wasted!

I passed it to the man who was closest to you.

To your friend Raimondino... ino.

- Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! - Count, shut up.

Mi fa male! Evening! Ahi!

Holy shit how this collar tightens!

Mr. Count, what have you done? Did he break it?

State material, shoddy stuff.

- Even the chain!

- I can't. - Wait.

This is a bit harsh.

- What happens? - What's up?

- You are stronger than Hercules! - No, Commentator!

- What does he say? - He is stronger than Maciste! Why didn't he tell me?

Compliments! Ouch! Plan!

Sorry, I didn't know...

We wanted a man to oppose Hercules and now we have him!

- Where is it? - You! - I?

- I've never had such strength! - You had it, but you didn't know it!

Now that you have it, you use it.

An opening thru the bars? -I?

- Yes, to the bars. - I try.

Plan, don't get hurt.

- Well! - Please, take a seat. - Thank you, Mr. Count.

Come on!

Why so much effort? Just tear down the wall!

In your opinion, to knock down a wall is enough to do so?

Just do so.

- You are welcome. - Mister count, to our machine!

The umbrella!

Count, the machine must still be in here!

- There is not. Where will it be? - They will know. - Get them!

Easy, count, don't get hurt!

What strength!

He made a knot! What do we need to remember?

- Where did they hide the machine? - Caifante knows, we don't.

- You really don't know? - Word of honor. - Yup?

There is but one remedy, you will challenge Hercules.

- Do you know what we're going to award? - The golden bean!

- No! The time Machine! - Bravo, Commentator!

- Ouch! - Sorry.

Latest of the evening. Antiossa, our beloved monarch,

the divine Hercules accepted the challenge of the camel man

in single free wrestling competition with no holds barred.

Until death ensues.

Fashion. News has come from Athens that the Medusa has a perm.

Good evening.

He's a fool! Turn against Hercules!

It's a suicide.

A nice jump!

- The umbrella. - No, it can help!

YES, for pushups! One two!

Stool!

Come on, our time machine is waiting for us!

- But Hercules is still Hercules! - For heaven's sake, shut up.

I could have sold the tickets! 50 thousand lire each!

- Plan! - Shut up, leave me alone! - Shut up!

TRUMPETS

With the help of my father Jupiter who is watching me from Olympus, I am ready.

It's ready.

With the blessing of my mother, who thinks of me from Belluno, I'm ready.

TRUMPETS

- Look at the muscles, I have nothing! - It does not matter.

- He'll reduce it to meatballs. - He's right.

- Yes to... to... - Let the fight begin!

Come on, Rosseghin!

Count, with his body, does not even see him! Don't see it!

He doesn't even see it!

- I saw it. - There was a mistake.

Determined, confident and quick reflexes!

Ready for the "sideboard"! For the scamper! Via!

Attention... on the ground!

Rosseghin, determined for life! Hook to the belt!

To lift! Sderenare! Break!

Seen?

Calm down, Mr. Count.

You shatter it like a glass of champagne!

- Move away! - Always stay in the middle!

You told me to accept! It's a conspiracy, you'll pay for it!

Go away! I'm talking to a lady! What manners!

It's incredible!

What do you want now?

Come on, count!

Things are looking bad, let's go!

- Take off your arm, count! - Shut up!

Maciste... the same.

Touch this myrtle... bristling. You'll get your strength back... luff.

Thanks.

- What I do? - He gets up and hits him!

- It's a shadow, it doesn't exist! There is not! - There is not? - No.

Come on, count, hit him in the hips, in the liver!

- I didn't do anything to him! - It's a psychological case.

- Your nerves are tense, relax, relax. - More relaxed than that!

Without enchantment and without myrtle, you are weaker than a dead man!

You can't rhyme... yme. Give him the myrtle as before... ore.

No Yes!

Worm, get up! Hit me where you want! Hit me here!

Mr. Ercole, I would never allow myself.

- Hit or I'll hit you! - He tells you!

- I don't do anything to him! - Try it!

He's on the ground, Mr. Count!

Ouch 'Do you want to crush me?

Commentator... I'm smachineed!

Get your strength back.

Maciste!

Listen to me, this makes him two eyes like that!

- I want to smash it with one blow! - Okay, give it to him! It does not hurt.

- Please take a seat. - Go ahead!

One moment!

Oh! On the continent, even the chairs are female!

- They also seem tall to me! - And well padded!

- We don't move from here anymore! - Who is moving?

Rather than letting you go, I turn you into a pig!

I'm a sorceress, no!

- Give it a go! - Sure!

The sorceress Circe has become a pig!

What was it before?

Come on, Maciste... iste.

- Where are you? Come outside! - I'm not crazy!

- Are you Mr. Ercole? - Yup.

Come on, Maciste... same!

Come on, Maciste!

If Maciste wins, maybe I can get my kingdom back.

Who makes you do it? Are you not comfortable in my house with all the comforts?

You don't pay a penny! We attach the crown to the nail.

What more do you want?

Finally here we are in Milan and in our time!

Do you know what I tell you? It will make us cold, there will be fog,

and it will be the only country in the world where birds cough,

but "Milan is a great Milan"! Here you never sit idle!

I was right, the market in via Catania is there,

but at this hour it is closed.

- Are you still thinking about via Catania? - One moment!

- You asked me! - Yes, but then! - Many years ago!

- It's been two minutes! Do you want to make me pass for a fool? - No.

This car is parked. Take it away!

- That's not a car. - No? Is it a spaceship?

- Almost. - It's the time machine.

- It does not travel kilometers, but years! - How many years ago with a liter?

- Six or seven thousand. - I didn't write "pigeon shooting" here.

What does everything do naked? Get dressed, it's indecent! Scandalous!

And what's with the pajamas? Take that stuff away!

- I'm sorry, but we will never get on that machine again! - Yup?

Then I'll take that machine away from you! I'm taking it to the auto park!

- Shame! Uncouth! - No, wait a moment!

I'll handle that! - Stop! - Don't do it!

Help!

How time passes!

Two thousand! Three thousand! Four thousand! Five thousand!

- Is the subway finished? - No! A piece is still missing!

Commentator, seven thousand years ago it was bad.

In seven thousand years we will be worse off! You know what I'm talking...

Hey, youngsters?

- Good evening. - Good evening. - Have a light?

Immediately.

Rosseghin!

- The sorceress! - Ah!

All like this! The bigger they are, the dumber they are!