Original subtitles

[***]

[WHIRRING]

[TICKING]

I'm late.

I'm late.

[GASPS]

Ready for your speech, Ms. Ryan?

Are you sure you're prepared this time?

Are you sure you're not forgetting anything, Jane?

Okay.

Are you sure you're not forgetting anything, Jane?

WOMAN AT MICROPHONE: Please welcome Jane Ryan.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

What?

[GUFFAWING]

[GASPS]

[YELPS]

[SCREAMS]

[ALARM PLAYING "REVEILLE"]

Just a dream.

[BEEPS]

Morning, Mom.

Miss you.

Morning.

Morning, Dad.

[BLASTING THE BANGLES' "TEAR OFF YOUR OWN HEAD"]

I'm up.

I'm up.

* Who dries your eyes *

Hmm.

* When you cry real tears? *

* Who knows or cares What imitation is? *

Hmm.

* Only you do *

* You can paint his nails Make him wear high heels *

[SNIFFS]

Hmm.

* Why waste time Altering the hemline? *

* Or do you? *

* Tear off your own head *

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jane Ryan.

My name... is Jane Ryan.

My name is... Jane Ryan.

Good morning, Justin.

Simple Plan shoot,

59th and 9th, New York City.

Making sure you're up.

Yeah, I'm just, uh, finishing up an essay.

You know, three weeks into school

and you haven't cut once.

I like what I'm seeing.

Maybe I won't have to send you

to Sister Mary Margaret's after all.

School...

or Simple Plan video shoot?

I'm here today as a finalist for the McGill Fellowship.

[COUGHS]

* Tear off your own head *

* Tear off your own head *

* It's a doll revolution *

What excuses

shall we use this time, Ringo?

Ringo?

Ringo? Where are you?

Death of a pet? Religious holiday?

Female problems?

Last week.

Um...

[CLICKS MOUSE]

Illnesses.

Chicken pox.

Print.

Perfect.

Perfect.

* Plastic features *

* You could make somebody A pretty little wife *

* But don't let anybody Tell you how to live your life *

* Broken pieces *

* Tear off your own head *

[JANE HUMMING]

* Tear off your own head *

* It's a doll revolution *

* Tear off your own head *

* Tear off your own head **

[SCREAMS]

Thank you, New York City!

[SCREAMING]

Ringo, there you are.

Did the wittle, mean wady scare you?

Yes, I know she did.

[EDWIN STARR'S "WAR" PLAYING]

* War! Huh! *

* Yeah *

* What is it good for? *

* Absolutely nothing *

* Uh-huh *

* War! Huh! *

* Yeah *

* What is it good for? *

* Absolutely nothing *

* Say it again, y'all *

* War! Huh! *

* Good Good *

* What is it good for? **

Jane.

Why do you insist on playing mom?

Dad doesn't have time for breakfast anyway.

Not listening.

[IDLY HUMMING]

How's it going, guys?

Hi. Hi.

Your breakfast is on the table.

Smells great. Wait.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

There you go. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Never...

ever...

touch my day planner. Hello?

Okay, you need to chill on the nerd book,

okay?

You have issues.

Okay, and how frequent are the contractions?

Have them head down to the hospital.

I'll meet them there.

Yeah.

Jane-- No, Dad, it's fine.

No, it's not fine.

I-I know this is your big day,

and I will do everything I can

to get down to Columbia to see your speech.

I know you will.

Okay.

Excuse me, Jane. Sorry.

I know this is the biggest day of your academic career,

but, uh, Dad, will you sign

my field trip permission form, please?

Shakespeare in the Park? Great.

Which play?

Oh.

You know, the one with the girl and the guy,

love, the tights,

the hair.

Romeo and Juliet?

Yeah. Thank you.

I-I totally blanked.

I love that play.

I know. Me too.

Your mom would have been so proud.

Mm.

Would you mind giving your sister a lift

over to the station?

Not at all.

You know, it wouldn't kill you to spend a little time together.

Jane, breakfast was great,

but I got to go. I'm sorry. Okay, well,

then take this, okay?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Love you.

You too.

Good luck.

I hope you don't get caught.

I won't.

Let's get this show on the road.

You might want to think about getting a car wash.

And you might want to think

about buying your own car.

I'm saving up for college.

That makes one of us.

Would you mind putting on the radio?

Not at all.

Ugh. What is this?

[THE DONNAS' "PLEASE DON'T TEASE" PLAYING]

MAN: "Too cool for school."

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

* Please don't tease *

* I'm getting down on my knees *

* Baby, please don't tease **

[LANGUID JAZZ PLAYING]

JANE: Uh, where are we going?

We have 26 minutes to get to the train station.

and I can't be late.

We just have to make a pit stop

at my manager's.

Wait.

You have a manager?

Howdy, Rox.

Hello. Come on in.

Thanks.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[WHOOPING]

So how is the party?

It's going great.

We're on a marathon mission.

So I burned you 30. Check it out.

Thanks.

Why am I on the cover?

Marketing, baby.

You're the hottest one in the band.

Oh, hey, Roxy.

Well, that's not saying much.

Here's your all-access pass.

That will get you into the shoot.

Now, remember,

we've got to hit up the A & R guys.

We've really got to get this contract.

Okay. How will I know it's them?

Middle-aged guys, fancy suits,

bad, old-fashioned dancing.

Right.

You got it? Yes.

All right. Bye.

Good luck.

Okay. Thank you.

Whoo-hoo!

79!

Who's there?

Pool guy.

Pool guy?

You're not the pool guy.

Wow, you get to go

right to the head of the class, stubby.

Nassau County Department of Truancy.

Pool party's over, Flubber.

Grab a towel.

Do you want to come over here, son?

Put your hands behind your head.

On your feet, gentlemen.

Hands where I can see them.

Up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

What's going on here, man?

Why don't you let me do the interrogating, son.

We'll get along just fine.

My mom's gonna kill me.

Got six future felons for you, Strauss,

each one facing five to 10--

Days of detention, Lomax.

Days of detention.

Just book 'em.

"Book 'em."

Would you give it a rest, Lomax?

You're a truancy officer.

You're not Dirty Harry.

This kind of crud has kept you out of the force for 25 years.

You know that, don't you?

I'm on the heels

of the number one truant in Nassau County...

and when I find her, and I will find her,

your boys will be doing backflips

to make sure I'm wearing that badge, okay?

Hey, Einstein. Over here.

I feel kind of bad

about lumping you in there

with those other losers,

because you strike me as being a...

I don't know, smart kid.

I see a big future here.

I look at this face, I see a Surgeon General.

I see a Supreme Court judge.

Do you have any idea

what a 10-day suspension's

gonna look like on your record?

You'll be lucky to be accepted

to the Acme School of Welding.

Now, do yourself a favor.

Where can I find Roxanne Ryan?

You can give me all the detention you like,

but if there's something I'm not,

that's a rat.

Fine.

Suit yourself.

[MXPX'S "DOING TIME" PLAYING]

* I went to school And did my time *

Car, car, car!

[SCREAMS]

MAN: What's the matter with you?!

Nice park.

Thanks.

[CLANGING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

Excuse me.

Could you just not?

Okay...

speech at 3.

Perfect.

Okay.

* Let's go, let's go... *

* Let's get The party started... *

* Let's go, let's go *

* You know... *

You can't sit here right now.

I need quiet.

Chill.

You won't even know I'm here.

Listen, I am this close

to winning the McGill Fellowship.

I've worked my whole life for this.

What is this stupid thing, anyway?

"This stupid thing"

is a four-year scholarship to Oxford University.

Oxford?

As in England?

No, Oxford, as in nowhere near you.

Maybe one of you would like to switch seats--

No!No! Yeah.

Why Oxford?

Why are you even here?

I'm here because Simple Plan's shooting their new music video,

so I'm gonna canvass the A & R guys,

and then I'm gonna give them my demo tape,

and hopefully, I'll be the new opening act.

Great, because there'll be a lot of concerts next year

at Sister Mary Margaret's.

How is the school gonna find out?

I mean, as far as they're concerned,

I'm home with the chicken...

Chicken pox.

Chicken pox, my Aunt Fanny.

[KNOCKING] Who is it?

It's Savitsky, your landlord.

You're two weeks late on the rent, Lomax.

Mr. Savitsky, can we deal with this later?

Because I'm working on a very big case right now.

I'm busy.

You're dizzy? You should lie down.

I said I'm busy!

So get busy

writing a check, Lomax!

Where have you gone, Miss Ryan?

Where have you gone?

Mm-hmm.

Well, your simple plan's

about to get a bit more complicated,

Roxanne Ryan.

All right, open up.

[GASPS]

Ow!

I'm sorry.

All right, Roxy Ryan!

Aah! Ow!

It's okay!

Hot, hot, hot.

I'm so sorry!

Stop that!

I'm sorry.

What are you, a couple of monsters?

MAN: Tickets.

Tickets, please.

Please have your tickets ready.

Tickets, please.

I'm not doing this for my health.

Thank you.

I suppose you'll need some money?

No.

I can manage on my own.

Tickets ready.

Hello?

Tickets. Very nice.

Tickets, please.

Oh, my...!

I'm in hell.

I'm sorry!

What are you looking at? Stop looking!

[POUNDING]

I said I was sor...

Ticket.

Hi.

Oh!

[DRUMSTICKS CLATTER]

We are so over!

Over!

Shoot.

Oh, very funny.

Excuse me?

No ticket,

no ride.

I know. I have a ticket.

Okay, let's see it.

It was my twin sister you just threw off.

Right there.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

The phantom twin sister.

I'm scared. Hold me.

Do I look that stupid to you?

Do you really want me to answer that?

But I have a ticket! Let's go.

Yeah, yeah. Come on.

I have a ticket! It's in my purse!

Just step away from the train.

Ow!

Ow. Oh, God, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. Here, just give me a sec, okay?

One sec. Okay.

If you can't get it out, I'll just take my skirt off.

Did I just say that out loud?

Yeah, you did.

Oh, man, you're really stuck,

you know that? Yeah. Okay.

Okay, just... All right, on the count of three.

One, two, three.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Hey, it looks nice.

Thanks.

All aboard!

If you have a ticket.

I got to go.

Okay.

I'll see you.

Hopefully.

Bye.

Bye.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

The ripped look?

It's so two minutes ago.

Stay away from me.

According to this schedule, right here,

it says that there should be another train in 43 minutes.

Not today, there isn't.

Track construction.

Next train for New York leaves in three hours.

You've got to be kidding me.

Taxi! Hey!

Taxi!

Nice move.

[***]

[CHINESE ACCENT] There you are.

Here I am.

All of the taxis are gone, and, uh...

you need a ride.

I give you ride.

No.

I give you free ride.

No, I don't take rides from strangers.

But I got a limo.

Big, long, white one, like Barbie ride in.

Hmm.

I don't believe you.

It says it right here. There's gonna be another train.

Oh, how could I forget?

It's the magic leprechaun train.

It leaves for New York whenever you want.

Powered by your imagination.

Jane.

I'm sorry. Is someone talking?

Because I don't hear anyone.

I just want to let you know that I have a limo

if you're still looking for a ride.

Don't worry.

It's a professional car service.

MAN ON P.A.: Your attention, please.

The 9:45 to New York has been delayed.

Thanks.

Oh, here, let me get your bag.

Oh, no, it's okay. I got it.

Oh, but I insist.

No, it's okay. I insist.

JANE: Wait for me.

Ah, my personal assistant.

I'd be lost without her.

[CHUCKLES TERSELY]

My name's Bennie. Hi.

You and her going same place?

You mean "you and she."

The correct grammar is "she."

You're using the wrong possessive--

Smarty pants.

DR. RYAN ON ANSWERING MACHINE: You've reached Dr. Ryan.

Please leave your message after the beep.

[BEEPS]

Yeah, Dr. Ryan, this is Max Lomax,

Nassau County Department of Truancy.

I'm calling in regard to your daughter Roxanne.

Could you call me at 993-1176

and reference case number

seven tango niner popcorn x-ray five?

Have a pleasant day.

* Bad girl, bad girl *

* What you gonna do? *

* What you gonna do When I come for you? *

* Bad girl, bad girl *

* What you gonna do? *

* What you gonna do When I come for you? **

How's it going?

How you doing?

Stop it.

Roxy, please.

I can't concentrate.

What's up?

[STRAINING]

Please stop.

Get me Ma.

It's number one adopted son.

[SIGHS]

Bennie?

You said you'd be here by 9 a.m.

That was 20 minutes ago.

I need that chip.

Bennie will be there soon, Ma.

Bennie...

either you talk in Chinese or you speak in English,

but enough with the accent.

I'm sorry, Ma.

Don't call me "Ma."

From 9 to 5,

you're my number one killing machine.

Yes, I'm your killing machine, Ma.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

Bye, Ma.

[BEEPS]

[SIGHS]

Kids.

[SAHARA HOTNIGHTS' "ALRIGHT ALRIGHT" PLAYING]

* Now I feel Like breaking laws *

* Go on, start a civil war *

* Here's my fist Where's the fight? *

* Your world's Collapsing tonight *

* I want to make some noise *

* All right, all right *

* Tell me what can go wrong *

* All right, all right All right, all right *

* All right, all right *

* I want to make some noise *

* All right, all right *

* I want to drop some bombs *

* All right, all right *

* I want to make some noise *

* All right, all right *

* Tell me what can go wrong **

Hey, bud?

Are you lost?

Ancient Chinese proverb.

ROXY: Uh-oh.

Never accept ride from stranger.

[LAUGHS]

Help! Help!

Help us! Help us!

[THE CASANOVAS' "SHAKE IT" PLAYING]

Help! Help!

He's gonna kill us!

Come on.

Hurry.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[HONKING]

* Ooh, just got to shake it *

ROXY: Come on.

[BENNIE GROWLS]

* Shake it *

* Shake it *

* Shake it *

[TIRES SCREECH]

* Oh, yeah *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

Why's he after us?

* Shake it *

* Shake it *

* Oh, yeah *

I think we lost him.

There you are.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

You speak Chinese?

There's a lot you don't know about me.

Give me that.

MAN: Hey, Buster!

Bring it on, tubby.

I didn't know you took jujitsu.

Tae kwon do.

Thanks.

Two times a week.

Three years.

[YELLS]

Ha!

BENNIE: Now I'm mad.

What are you-- Jump!

That hurts!

Here we go.

Ow!

JANE: Bye.

Oh, I'm gonna kill you!

JANE: That's what we get

for taking a ride from a stranger.

Please. It was exciting.

Exciting? Exciting?

Almost being mugged

and getting stuck in the middle of nowhere

is not my definition of exciting.

Ow!

Now what?

These were my best heels.

Give me the other one.

Give me the shoe.

Please. Thank you.

Now they're your best flats.

Either of you young ladies spare some change?

You're only feeding this poor man's disease.

Just let him have the dollar.

Why don't you buy him a healthy snack?

A granola bar--

Thanks.

I got a dollar!

That is not just a cherry Slurpee.

I smell alcohol.

Please don't freak.

Or not.

[CARS HONKING]

[SIREN WAILING]

Yes!

Now we're cooking with gas.

[SIREN WAILING ERRATICALLY]

Out of the way, suckers.

Come on, folks.

Police emergency.

Come on!

Back up, people!

Clear the street.

You call this respect for the law?

JANE: I look like a duck waddling in these shoes.

Wait.

Great.

[SNIFFS]

Can I use your restroom?

Bathroom is for customer only.

Down the aisle to the left.

[SNIFFS]

She has her whole life ahead of her.

She should not be drinking this time of day.

That's what I keep telling her.

Hi, you've reached Dr. Ryan

of the Ryan residence.

Please leave your message--

RECORDED VOICE: You have one new message.

Yeah, Dr. Ryan, this is Max Lomax--

Oh, correction.

This was Max Lomax.

[BEEPS]

These for now, those for later.

You're very hungry for such a small person.

Thirsty too? Okay.

Red Bull.

You'll never pull it off.

Never?

Not today.

Not tomorrow.

So, no?

[SCREAMS]

I like the yellow one better.

Really? Mm-hmm.

What did you do, fall in?

Cash or charge?

Ew! Ew!

Oh, I need some money.

STORE OWNER: Total amount is $47.24.

Oh, my God.

My day planner! I must have left it in the limo!

My whole life is in it!

My speech, my credit cards, my money!

So, I don't suppose I could start a tab?

Tab is for valid customers only.

Thank you. Don't come again.

This is all your fault.

How is it my fault

you left your book in the limo?

It's your fault I was even in the limo.

I can't even function without my day planner.

You know, I'm trying

to think of a reason to keep on living.

Still trying.

Still trying.

Still trying.

You need to chill, okay?

You just need to relax.

Relax?

How am I supposed to relax?

My relaxation tapes are in my day planner!

[HYPERVENTILATING]

[SMACK]

Snap out of it!

Don't hit me.

Listen.

Okay, your speech doesn't start

until 3 o'clock.

That gives you three and a half hours!

Four and a half.

Same thing.

Roxy, spontaneity doesn't just happen.

Okay?

You have to get there and rehearse.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

WOMAN: Taxi!

Besides, where am I gonna get cleaned up?

I have a plan.

Checking in, ladies?

We're with the band.

Yeah.

Oh, well, then.

I'm Paris, this is Nicky.

Welcome, Paris.

MA: How could you let them go?

They're very smart.

One of them even spoke Chinese.

I don't care.

What's so important about this stupid chip, anyway?

That "stupid chip"

contains millions of dollars

in pirated music.

Pirate music?

You mean...

* Yo ho, yo ho and a... *

Bennie!

Okay. I know what you mean.

I was just kidding.

We send chip to Hong Kong,

they transfer it from chip onto compact disc,

they sell

pirated copies,

and we make millions.

Okay. I understand.

I'll get the chip back

and restore honor to family.

After all,

I am your number one adopted son.

Get chip, make compact disc, sell to teenagers.

Hmm.

Huh?

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

What are we doing here?

Watch and learn.

[LAUGHING]

I'd love to,

but I'm presenting an award

this afternoon.

You know that.

Carey, come.

Hurry, hurry.

Now!

This is your plan?

Yep, and a pretty good one.

Breaking into a hotel room

is exactly how Nixon went down.

I'm not going in there.

Not going in there.

I'm not going in there.

[GASPS]

Okay, I'm going in there.

Oh...

Okay, I'm just gonna get cleaned up,

and then we're out of here.

Clean up, get out.

Whoa.

What?

It's a...

Dog.

I think.

Well, you take a shower first,

and I'll take the doggy.

Come on, puppy.

[CELL PHONE PLAYING "HAIL TO THE CHIEF"]

Jane Ryan speaking.

I have your date book.

Roxy!

What?

It's the psycho.

He has my day planner.

Let me. I'll talk to him.

Be nice. Okay.

Listen, you--!

[GROWLS]

I told you to be nice.

You can take the money, you can have the credit cards,

just please don't hurt my speech.

Shut up.

I talk, you listen.

Okay. Good idea.

You took my chip.

Roxy,

did you eat this man's chips?

No.

You sure? I didn't eat his chips.

I didn't eat your chips. She didn't eat your chips.

No, not chips.

Chip.

My microchip.

Listen,

we need that book back,

so meet us outside the Plaza Hotel

in 30 minutes,

or I will eat your chips.

Huh?

Found the chip!

Hmm.

[NO DOUBT'S "HEY BABY" PLAYING]

Uh...

* Hey, baby, hey, baby, hey *

* Girls say, boys say *

* Hey, baby, hey *

Hi.

Hi.

Aah!

* Hey, baby, hey, baby, hey *

* Girls say *

Whoa.

* Hey, baby, hey, baby, hey *

* Hey, baby, baby *

Is...

Is today my birthday?

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry. We're just leaving.

My sister.

Look,

there's gonna be a five-alarm fire

if my mom finds you.

You see, this psycho stole my day planner,

which has my entire life in it.

Now we have to go meet with him and give him his chip back.

Okay, so, uh...

psycho, day planner, computer chip...

Yeah, makes perfect sense to me.

Thank you.

Yeah.

But, uh...

you might have a little trouble swapping the chip.

Why? Because Reinaldo just ate it.

[BURPS]

No, no, no, no. No, he didn't.

Are you serious?

Yeah, the little green thing. He just ate it.

Spit it out. Come on.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Hello, Trey.

Hi, Mom!

I'm on my way up.

Change of schedule.

Bring my purse, dear.

Right away. Yeah, I'm meeting Hillary at 1.

Okay.

All right.

So, uh, my mom's on her way up.

She's a senator.

Anne Baxter Lipton?

A senator?

Should have kept that fun, little fact to yourself.

A senator. Yeah.

I can never run for office now.

Come here, little puppy.

Be right back. Come on, little puppy.

Spit it out.

Shake it out of him!

Shake it out of him!

Oh, hey.

Senator?

Come on.

The dog ate the chip.

I need the chip to get the day planner.

This isn't happening.

Ow! He bit me!

Reinaldo, calm down.

I don't want it.

Don't throw him back at... Ow!

Ow!

Keep it. You take him.

My bad.

Oh, thank God.

Reinaldo!

Jane, what are you doing?

You're gonna wind up dead!

Without that chip, I am dead.

Okay.

Come back here.

Come here, doggy!

Okay. Very good.

Okay.

Trey?

Trey? My mom.

Why is the door locked?

Great. I'm gonna be late for the Simple Plan shoot.

The video shoot? Yeah.

Well... Hello?

Well, at least tell me your name

before you go. Roxy.

Roxy.

Jane!

Come here.

I was taking a nap.

Sorry.

Look what I got my little boy for lunch.

Thanks, Mom.

I mean, I already ate--

Reinaldo!

Reinaldo, come here, boy.

Look what Mommy has for you.

Come here, my precious little baby.

Where's my... Come on! Come here.

Look what Mommy has.

Reinaldo, don't make Mommy beg.

Hold on! Doggy! Doggy!

Trey.

Where is Reinaldo?

He always answers when I call.

He's not answering.

Come here, doggy,

so I can stick my finger down your throat.

ROXY: Whatever you do, don't look down!

[SCREAMS]

Mom...

there's something you should know, okay?

Now, Reinaldo,

hey...

I-I took him to the groomers.

Why would you do that?

Because...

he smelled?

Oh...

Don't worry.

We're getting out of here. I can't move.

Oh, God, I almost forgot.

I got to go! I got to... Yeah.

I'm going to be late.

Don't forget to pick up Reinaldo.

Give me the dog.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Deals like this

are the result of years of really hard work.

Things don't just fall out of the sky.

How you doing?

Going down!

[SCREAMING]

That wasn't so bad.

No.

Can I have my towel, please?

[REINALDO GROWLS]

Sir, I need your help.

Yes, sir.

You gotta help me find a dog and two girls in towels.

Who exactly are they?

Okay, puppy.

Okay. Go home.

You need to go home.

What are you doing?

We need to go.

No, we need that dog.

That dog is my life,

and when he poops, his poop is my life.

[WHIMPERS]

Come on, Reinaldo!

Come on.

Good puppy. Okay.

Can anything else go wrong today?

Whoa!

Am I squashing you?

Yeah, it's great.

Did I just--

Yeah, you just said that out loud.

You know, if we keep

bumping into each other like this,

one of us is gonna get hurt.

I'm willing to take that chance.

Roxy!

Paris! Nicky!

How can I find you?

Call her. 555-8989.

She's home. Every night.

What's your name?

It's Jane.

I'm Jim!

[REMIX OF ELVIS PRESLEY'S "RUBBERNECKIN'" PLAYING]

* Stop, look, and listen, baby *

* That's my philosophy *

* Yes, it is, now *

* It's called rubberneckin' Baby *

* But that's all right with me *

* Stop, look, and listen, baby *

* That's my philosophy *

* Yes, it is, now *

* It's called rubberneckin' Baby *

* But that's All right with me **

Here.

How am I gonna survive without my watch?

I don't know.

Come on, you can poopie.

Just a little one.

Come on.

Any luck?

Think we have something.

[PASSES GAS]

False alarm.

I can't go looking like this.

I'm starting to have heart palpitations.

No, don't worry, okay?

We're going to fix you up.

I promise.

It's all going to work out.

Where you going?

To get my day planner back.

I'll go with you.

No, I don't think that's such a good idea.

I mean, our togetherness today hasn't exactly been good luck.

Rox, I'll be fine.

It's in front of The Plaza. There's a lot of witnesses.

I mean, it's not like this guy's

exactly, like, a criminal mastermind,

so have fun at the concert.

Video shoot.

[REINALDO WHIMPERING]

59th and 9th.

If you care.

Whoa, whoa.

[BLONDIE'S "ONE WAY OR ANOTHER" PLAYING OVER P.A. SYSTEM]

* One way or another I'm gonna find you *

* I'm gonna get you Get you, get you, get you *

* One way or another I'm gonna win you *

* I'm gonna get you Get you, get you, get you *

Okay, kiddies.

Playtime's over.

Hey, where do you think you're going?

I'm on a case, Einstein.

Where do you think you're going?

What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere.

Oh. So we're clear on that.

Huh? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Jeff.

What's up, man? It's Trey.

Hey, you remember that Simple Plan video shoot

you were telling me about?

Where is it?

It's 59th and 9th.

Are you sure?

That's awesome, man. You rock.

I owe you. Bye.

Boy, talk about anal-retentive.

This girl is a cuckoo bird.

I'm surprised she doesn't have trips to the bathroom scheduled.

Oh, no, wait. Right here. 3:30.

Look, um, I think we--

You're late.

I-I-I think we both got off on the wrong foot a while back.

I just want to know...

Okay.

Give me my chip.

What's this? It's your chip.

Excuse me? Well, you see,

Reinaldo here, he ate your chip.

Reinaldo ate my chip.

Is this some kind of joke?

I don't really joke, sir.

Uh, can I have my day planner back?

You know what I think I do?

I think I run over the dog

with the car.

No, wait,

that might damage the chip.

You give me my chip or I'll kill you.

Cough it up, pooch.

No, no, no, no, no! Please don't hurt him.

Give it to me. Let me have it!

[TRICKLING]

Good shot, Reinaldo!

Disgusting.

Get back here so I can kill you!

Okay.

Mic one. Check. Testing, one, two.

Excuse me, fellas.

Excuse me, Cochise.

Thattaboy.

You're good.

Roxy.

Hi!

Hey.

Um, I was wondering if you knew where my mom's dog was.

Oh.

Well, I mean,

I also wanted to see you again.

Oh.

Come on, let's move it.

Do you have a pass?

No.

I'll be right back.

Just stay here.

You know, I'll figure it out.

Okay, figure it out somewhere else, okay?

Simple Plan.

They rock.

Whoo!

I've got all their LPs.

I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.

Is it "Loser"?

How come you're not in school?

Okay, okay. Don't worry.

I've got bigger fish to fry.

Coming through.

MAN: All right, guys,

thanks for coming out for this video shoot.

We're gonna need a lot of your energy today,

so are you guys ready?

[CHEERING]

Are we ready?

Rox, where are you?

This is the scene live here in midtown,

where punk rock group Simple Plan

is shooting their latest music video.

A little louder!

Nice!

Get ready to welcome Simple Plan!

What's up, New York City?

[PLAYING "VACATION"]

* I know a girl *

* Who's obsessed with a guy *

* She talks for hours *

* And still tomorrow She'll call again *

* And when he thinks That this could be the end *

* She calls again *

* At 6 in the morning She waits at the door *

* He tells her to leave *

* But still tomorrow She'll be there again *

* She won't let go *

* Can't you just go somewhere On vacation? *

* I could book your flight And pack your bags *

* If you want *

* A one-way ticket *

Old school dance moves.

* Watching you fly away *

* I never liked you *

* She doesn't care If he tries to ignore *

* He runs away But still she follows *

* She'll try again *

* She likes to think She'll get him in the end *

Hi. Please give it a listen.

Our contact info's inside.

Nice packaging.

Let's take a look. Thanks.

Hello, Miss Ryan.

So nice to finally meet you...

face-to-face.

It's been quite a chase all these years, huh?

One not without a few clever maneuvers

on your part, but, uh...

here we are.

You know what? I'm tired of running.

I'll go quietly.

Oh, I don't use handcuffs, Miss Ryan.

Just brains.

But, uh, before we go, Mr. Lomax...

Yeah? Check your fly.

What's that?

* I never liked you *

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I have to get by.

Where do you think you're going?

You may want to check your fly.

* Can't you just go somewhere On vacation? *

* I could book your flight And pack your bags *

* If you want *

* A one-way ticket Out of my life *

Roxy!

* Watching you fly away *

* I never liked you *

* I never wanted you *

Yay! Whoo!

* I never liked you *

It's Lomax!

Everybody jump!

Jump!

* Yeah *

* Can't you just go somewhere On vacation? *

Roxy!

* I could book your flight And pack your bags *

* If you want *

* A one-way ticket Out of my life *

* Watching you fly away *

* Whoa *

Lomax! Lomax?

Lomax?

We're trapped. Take my hand.

* Can't you just go somewhere On vacation? *

* I could book your flight And pack your bags *

* If you want *

* A one-way ticket Out of my life *

* Watching you fly away *

Roxy?

* I never liked you *

Roxy!

* I never wanted you *

* I never liked you *

Has everybody washed their hands?

* I'm not in love with you **

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I'm next!

Ooh.

That's got to hurt.

Ooh.

Sorry about that. Excuse me. Sorry.

Sorry, guys.

Excuse me.

Buddy, okay,

I'm looking for two girls and this little dog

that just ran out of here.

Did you see where they went?

I did.

They went to the Simple Plan after party.

Oh, great.

You know, I'm going there now.

I drive all the VIPs.

I could give you a ride.

Yeah?

Thanks, man.

Thanks.

This Lomax guy is crazy.

I know.

[***]

[BOTH GASP]

Let's hide in the tent.

Okay.

[SCREAMING]

[SPLASH]

CITY WORKER: Cover up the manhole.

We're done here.

Give me a hand.

The climactic event of my academic career

is in two hours,

and I'm drenched, with a dog,

in a sewer. Yeah.

No, no, no, see, see, we're in luck.

It's just the water main.

I'm just trying to look on the bright side.

Bright side?

There is no bright side.

Well, I don't know.

I was thinking that, um...

That what?

We haven't spent the day together

in years,

and today has made me realize

how much I've missed that.

I don't know.

I was having fun,

and you were too,

because I saw the smile on your face

when we were crowd surfing.

I was acting for the cameras.

Just a little bit.

Okay, so maybe it was a little fun.

What's with that Lomax guy?

He's a truant officer.

He's been after me for years,

but I outsmart him every time.

What can I say?

You're insane, you know that?

Yeah.

I know.

You okay, buddy?

Yeah, I'm doing just fine, Sherlock.

Yourself?

Wife and kids?

Think it'll rain?

How about those Mets?

Are we through chit-chatting?

Can you tell me where this sewer pipe leads?

Well, that one there

comes directly from the main line

on 125th.

Only way in or out.

How's the patient?

She should have gone for the C-section.

I'm gonna miss my daughter's speech

at Columbia.

She's gonna be so disappointed.

I just hope she's okay.

Whoo! Whoo!

The unpublicized event

has drawn quite a crowd here today.

[HONKING]

MAN: Let's go, let's go!

Hi, it's Jane. Leave a message.

[BEEPS]

Jane. Hey, it's, uh... it's Jim.

The guy that ripped your skirt,

pummeled you with his bike.

Sorry about that.

Uh, anyway, I was, uh...

just calling to make sure you're okay.

So, um...

I'll keep looking for you.

I'm going to make it up to you.

All right?

See you.

JANE: We need to get out of here.

This thing is never-ending.

Wait a sec.

Columbia's on 116th Street, right?

Right.

I got you nine blocks away.

Yo, Malik, what up, fool?

WOMAN: Can't get a date.

Says she's fat.

What's up with this fool?

White people are crazy.

JANE: Roxy, Columbia's on the west side.

[HONKING]

[SCREAMING]

Here we are.

Let's find a subway.

Let's ask the House of Bling.

Okay, good idea.

Can I help you?

We are so not in Kansas anymore.

We're from the gas company.

[SNIFFS]

No gas here! Okay.

Hold it!

I can't have anyone seeing you

leave my store looking like that.

Mickey, show them out the back way.

Okay, Ma.

What? What is it?

It's 1:13.

It's 1:13.

I'm never going to make it.

What's wrong with that girl?

She doesn't do well under pressure.

Oh, my God.

I'm having a heart attack!

Call 991. Call 991. Breathe.

Call 991!

991?

Stay calm!

Thank you. I'm not thirsty.

Okay, it's okay. Breathe.

Breathe. Deep breaths.

Happy thoughts.

Sing with me, okay?

* The itsy-bitsy spider Walked up the water spout *

Spout...

BOTH: * Down came the rain And washed that spider out *

ALL: * Out came the sun And dried up all the rain *

* And the itsy-bitsy spider Went up the spout again **

You okay?

Works every time.

Dang, what's that all about?

In less than two hours

I'm supposed to make

the most important speech of my life.

It's been a rough day.

Well, sweetheart, if it was all smooth-sailing,

you know where we'd be?

Bored to tears, that's what.

Amen.

Take this sister over here.

Come here, baby.

It's the curve balls that make life interesting.

Shows us what we're made of,

and sometimes, if we're real lucky,

there's a blessing waiting for us

at the end of that wrong turn.

Well, what if

there's been about 50 wrong turns?

Well, that last wrong turn

brought you up in here,

now, didn't it?

So prepare to be blessed.

Mickey!

Bring me my toolbox!

We got some major bling to do!

All right, Ma!

Who's Major Bling?

Honey, this is Big Shirl's House of Bling.

This is where the bling is born.

This is where bling lives.

You got nothing to worry about.

["BRING ON THE BLING" PLAYING]

* Are you ready? *

* Ooh, hoo-hoo! *

* Yeah *

* Whoo! *

Just so we're clear, uh...

I'd like a more corporate bling.

* Just keep it coming *

* Don't you know your bling? *

* Don't let your body stop *

* Just sing *

* 'Cause you know that You're playing with bling... *

[RAPPING INDISTINCTLY]

* Now you finally got-- The sun is finally shining *

You is filthy.

What am I gonna do with you?

* Whatever you do... *

Boyfriend.

Well, you're girlfriend now.

Yeah.

Here we go.

* Bring on the bling *

* Gotta love a girl like me *

* With head curls like me *

New York Knicks, baby! New York Knicks!

* I'm a brand-new lady *

* The girls gonna hate me *

* How do you like me now *

* With my new profile? *

* 'Cause we're so glamorous *

* The whole world It's so damn fabulous *

Yow!

You look so hot.

I feel hot.

Sisters got some sista in them!

Whoo! Y'all good to go!

Ooh!

[***]

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Oh, you're welcome.

I promise we'll pay you back.

Oh, honey, it's on the house.

Thank you! Thank you!

Good luck!

[CELL PHONE RINGING] Thanks!

I think I can pull this off.

Hello?

Oh, it's for you.

Hello? Jane Ryan speaking.

I have your boyfriend.

I don't have a boyfriend.

Well, then I have your sister's boyfriend.

My sister doesn't have a boyfriend, either.

Okay, look, whatever.

I'm through with being Mr. Softy.

You meet me in Times Square, corner of 47th and Broadway,

in 20 minutes,

or else I will burn your book.

He's gonna burn my book.

He's not gonna burn your book.

LOMAX: Back up, people.

That's censorship.

We have to go. Let's go.

We have to go. We have to go.

We need a ride, Big Shirl.

Mickey, get your cab.

Not now, Ma. I got a date.

Cab's around the corner. Thank you.

Be careful. All right.

Roxanne Ryan! Cease and desist!

Who's that cracker?

I don't know, but he ain't from around here.

Hurry! Get in the car!

Okay.

Jane, start the car.

I'm not exactly a strong driver.

Step out of the car, Ryan.

It's all over.

What do I do?

Brake left, gas right! Go!

[ENGINE ROARS]

Hey! Hey!

Watch out for the guy!

Sorry!

Braking.

Red, red!

Stop!

[HONKING]

Nassau County Department of Truancy.

I'm taking over your vehicle.

Okey-dokey.

What fun.

Tim Brooger.

My wife Steffi.

Pleased to meet you.

Buckle up. Could be bumpy.

[SCREAMS]

[HONKING]

How you got your driver's license

is beyond me.

You didn't?

You failed your driver's test?

Well-- That's incredible!

I got a 100% on the written.

I just didn't quite pass the driving part.

Are we going to be in a car chase?

Oh, we've never been in a car chase before.

No, sir, not one.

Seen them on TV.

Oh, yeah, sure.

You know, I think New York has the best car chases,

don't you? Small favor, Clem.

Put a sock in it.

Done, sir.

Where is he? Is he behind us?

Yeah.

Yeah, we drove all the way down

from Minnetonka, Minnesota

just to see New York City.

The Big Apple!

You know, they say

it's the city that never sleeps?

Oh, I think it will

now that you've hit town, Gomer.

Red light! Red light! Red light! I know!

I read the rule book. I know what red means.

Hi. I need to go to 112th and-- Oh!

Go! Floor it!

Oh, God!

What are you doing here?

Oh, my God, that is so hot!

[TIRES SQUEALING]

Would you give me just a little air?

I can't do this.

You can do this. You can do this.

I can't! Breathe.

Getting killed! Stop it!

Whoopsy-daisy!

ROXY: Can you drive a little bit faster?

Look, do you want to drive?

I'll drive!

Now, I don't know if this would be helpful,

but we do have a loudspeaker.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, we use that for campfire sing-a-longs

with our church group.

Testing.

Testing, one, two.

Can this be heard?

Roxanne Ryan,

this is the law. Go! Go!

Pull over.

Give yourself up. I'm being abducted!

If you think I'm kidding, I'm not.

You're only making things worse, Ryan.

You'll be in detention

the rest of your teenage life,

so let's end this thing,

right here, right now.

This is kind of fun.

It's not fun!

Where'd he go?

I think we lost him.

You know, you might want look over to your right.

Okay,

playtime's over, Ryan.

Let's put the toys away and go home!

Pull over! Turn right here!

You're going the wrong way!

I thought you said right here.

Times Square's the other right.

Okay, I have it under control.

Yeah, right,

then where are we going?

What are you doing?

Signaling.

I know the rules.

Hang on, people.

Why are we reversing?

It's a one-way street!

We're going the wrong way.

No, but we're facing the right way.

You're mine now, Ryan.

It's too tight.

We're not gonna make it. We'll make it.

We're not gonna make it!

Who's the professional, you or me?

I want to say you!

There's a gate!

I'm fine.

Whoo! Oh, my God.

Take some of that!

Are you trying to kill us?

I just saved your life

and you're criticizing me?

Welcome to my world.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's supposed to mean

you're always looking down on me.

Looking down on you?

Yeah.

I've been looking out for you.

Hey. Hey.

Let me out of this car.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[CLUNKS]

Thanks!

For nothing!

How exactly have you been looking out for me?

Are you insane?

That's all I ever do, okay?

The one day,

the one time

I want it to be about me for a change,

I get inducted into the Roxy Ryan

School of Juvenile Delinquency.

I've been trying to help you

from the minute we left the house.

Lot of good that's done.

Where are you going?

I'm not finished.

Yeah, well, I am.

Why don't you just go run along and have fun?

That's what you're good at.

As opposed to you?

Which is walking away

whenever we start to have

a real conversation.

I don't have time for a real conversation.

I'm too busy taking care of things.

So who asked you to? You did,

the minute you stopped taking responsibility

for anything since Mom died.

That doesn't mean you get to be her replacement.

You know what I miss most about Mom?

Is that she loved that we were different...

and you punish me for it.

From the day Mom died,

you've done nothing

but push me out of your life.

I have not.

Oh, come on, Jane.

The biggest day of your academic career

and you didn't even bother to invite me.

Well, forgive me

for wanting the day to be about me for a change.

I make honor roll

and Dad doesn't notice because you're in detention.

I'm elected captain

of the cheerleading squad

and Dad can't come to one game,

one game,

because he's busy

going to your parent-counselor meetings.

You want to know

why I want this Fellowship abroad?

Because it's 3,000 miles away from you.

[STEADMAN'S "WAVE GOODBYE" PLAYING]

Well, I really hope you get it, then.

* Life is one big stage *

* When I need my space *

* I've been feeling blue *

* Well, how 'bout you? *

* Now this bird has flown *

* Like I've always Known it would *

* Maybe someday soon *

* You'll be flying too *

* Ooh *

* See me roam *

* See me climb *

* If I leave here now *

* I can make good time *

* See me fall *

* See me rise *

* Grabbing one last look *

* Then I wave goodbye *

* Goodbye *

[LAUGHING]

* Light shines on my face *

* When I need my space *

* I've been feeling blue *

Love you, Daddy!

* Well, how 'bout you? **

Roxy.

Don't you worry.

I'm not going to let the mean little man hurt you.

I don't know who you are or what your game is,

but you've caused me

a great deal of inconvenience today,

Not to mention,

I am this close from missing my speech,

so let's have it.

Let's have it.

You finished?

[SCREAMS]

Ancient Chinese proverb.

You snooze, you lose.

[LAUGHS]

Let's take her to Ma.

Perfect timing.

[THUMPING]

Hello?

TREY: Roxy?

Trey?

Yeah.

What are you doing in there?

Can we talk about this after you open the trunk?

Thanks.

Are you okay?

What happened? I don't know.

I mean, one minute, I'm coming to find you,

and then this limo guy just shoves me in there.

Just when you think

the day can't get any worse...

You okay?

I just got in a huge fight

with my sister.

She was supposed

to give this speech today

and now she's not gonna win the Fellowship,

because there's no way she's getting there on time,

and it's all my fault.

You sure about that?

Do you want to take a field trip right now?

Yeah.

Come on.

Okay.

Taxi!

Now,

it's just you and me.

All alone, no excuses.

[GROWLS APPREHENSIVELY]

Come on.

Drink this.

Drink this, and then the chip will come out.

This goes in here,

chip come out here.

I'm not kidding around.

Drink it. See?

Mm. Like that.

Hey, that's pretty good.

BENNIE: Come on.

Give it up.

This movie isn't out yet.

Neither is this CD.

So that's what these guys are up to.

Just listen to reason.

Give me the chip.

You don't want me to use this, do you?

I don't even know what this is,

but it's not going to be pleasant.

Now give me the chip!

Look into my eyes.

I'm torturing you.

It's unbearable.

Bennie!

This is your idea

of torture?

It's pathetic.

We do it my way.

Cats have nine lives.

I wonder if the little doggy does.

[BREATHLESSLY] Okay.

I hope they haven't started.

I can't run in these heels.

The increase and/or decrease in productivity of a nation

or other such political aggregate,

can be regarded

as the penultimate indicator

of a nation...

Go see what she's doing.

Make her stop. Go.

Cut it out in there.

You make a mess,

you got to clean it up.

Sorry!

He bit me.

Get it off of me!

Come on, Reinaldo. Come on!

Come on. Come on.

Hey, stranger.

How would you like to save my life?

I have 28 minutes to go 111 blocks.

I could do that.

Bennie! Where they go?

Where are they?

Let's go!

Okay. Hold on.

* Sparks fly *

* I hit the ground running *

Hold on, okay?

* Good work Never comes easy *

You all right? Yeah.

* Hey, driver To the top of the world *

* Hey, driver To the top of the world *

* Hey, driver To the top of the world *

This is it.

I don't see her.

Jane Ryan?

Yeah?

You're late. You're on next.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Look, I got her into this mess

and now I have to get her out of it.

Plus, how hard could it be

reading a bunch of note cards?

Just go with me on this one.

Okay. Yeah.

You're going to do great.

All right, um...

see you out there.

Good luck.

Thanks.

[SIGHS]

Nice blazer, Muffie.

[***]

Oh, gridlock!

Come on. We'll take a shortcut.

MAN: Hey, what're you doing?

Sorry!

Oof. Sorry.

Are you crazy?

Sorry.

In this instant,

we must defer to the famed economist,

Adam Smith,

who laid the foundation of a free market.

Mother.

What are you doing here?

I'm honorary chair of the McGill Fellowship.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you present the award.

Well, that's very sweet.

WOMAN: Our last finalist is from Long Island

and has a 4.2 GPA.

She's student body president

and captain of her cheerleading squad.

Please welcome Jane Ryan.

[APPLAUSE]

Oh, my God.

You may proceed...

Miss Ryan.

Please.

Right.

Oh, man.

Well, as, uh, many of you all know,

the economy is, uh...

very, very important to all of us.

Take the word "economy."

You have "eco," which, uh...

stands for "environment."

You know, which we're all real big supporters of...

and we have "onomy," which, uh...

is pig Latin for "money."

Money, economy.

Right.

[***]

* Sparks fly *

* I hit the ground running *

* Thumb in the air On the side of the road *

Go, go, go, go, go.

Good luck.

* Good work Never comes easy **

Are you coming?

Come on.

Yeah.

Well...

[CHUCKLES]

for as the, uh...

the famous, famous...

Canadian professor...

Avril Lavigne... stein

once said, and I quote,

"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

"I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else.

"Gets me frustrated.

"Life's like this.

"You fall and you crawl and you break,

"and you take what you can get.

"You turn it into honesty,

"and promise me

"I'm never gonna find you fake it.

"No...

"no...

no..."

Oh, thank God.

Roxy?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's all the time I have left.

Will the real Jane Ryan please stand up?

[APPLAUSE]

Whoo!

Reinaldo!

Trey, what is going on?

Um, apparently the dog groomer delivers.

Are you okay?

What are you doing here?

Well,

aside from completely humiliating myself...

I'm... I'm so sorry.

I just wanted to read the speech for you.

Please.

Here.

I can take it from here.

Are you sure?

Mm-hmm.

Ladies and gentlemen,

my name is Jane Ryan.

Roxy, behind you!

Nassau County Department of Truancy.

This girl, Roxanne Ryan,

is now in my custody,

and that girl,

Jane Ryan,

is an accomplice

in her criminal activities.

Yeah, and she stole my stupid, ugly mutt too.

I don't know what is going on here,

but that "mutt"

happens to be mine, Come here, ugly doggie.

and I order you

to give him back.

Yeah, you and what army, lady?

Officer.

Me?

Arrest that man!

Yes, ma'am.

SENATOR: Oh, my baby!

Fly.

Every time.

I think it's started.

Doesn't look like Cats.

Everybody freeze.

Someone please explain to me what is going on.

Um, I think I can do that.

Uh...

see this guy over here?

That man who thinks he's Chinese--

but you're not--

and his mother,

are criminals

dealing in pirated music, movies,

and probably

Gucci handbags.

I don't know.

Probably.

The guy with the eyebrows.

We know him. We know him.

He drove us over here.

He didn't tell us he was in the play!

Oh, a cop and an actor!

And how, may I ask,

did you two get involved in this?

I think I can shed some light on that, Senator.

You see-- You see,

Senator,

it was this crime fighter here,

Officer Lomax,

who tracked down the Bang family,

and wouldn't rest until justice was served,

so, really,

we're just witnesses

to his sting operation.

Yeah.

What she said.

SENATOR: Is that true, Officer Lomax?

Did you engineer this collar?

Well, I don't want to gloat, Senator,

but, uh...

I think "mastermind" might be a...

a more appropriate choice of words.

[MOUTHS] I love you.

McGILL: Just a second.

I assume that wasn't the speech

that you were intending to give this afternoon.

Not exactly.

No. No, it wasn't,

but you should have heard the real one.

It was amazing,

and I know this because I heard her practice it

a thousand times,

and trust me,

she would have won this thing hands down.

I'm sorry today didn't work out

the way you planned.

See, I thought today

was about the speech, the Fellowship,

my academic future,

but instead it was about something

much more important.

It just took me a few wrong turns to see it.

Oh, that was something else,

wasn't it?

Oh, honey, I loved it.

I loved it. I just loved it.

Yes, we gotta... Come on.

We gotta give it up for the Cats!

Who let the cats out?

Okay, come on,

get your hands up where I can see them.

You're not even a real cop, anyway.

Zip it, Odd Job.

Thanks to you, that's all gonna change.

Let me do it.

So you're not mad?

Are you kidding?

I can't believe what you did for me today.

Listen, I...

want to apologize for saying the things I said earlier.

It's just...

I was having a meltdown

because everything seemed to be going wrong.

That's just because every time I tried to fix it,

it just got worse.

The point is...

is...

we haven't spent the day together

in a really long time, and...

I've really missed you.

I've missed you too...

and I'm so, so sorry...

if I ever made you feel

like you had to take Mom's place.

She would have been really proud.

Both of us.

Oh, man...

Oh. Oh.

It was really great bumping into you today.

Maybe we could bump again.

Did I just say that?

Yeah...

Yeah.

And I'm glad you did.

So...

how about you just give me a call?

Okay.

Yeah.

Jane Ryan?

Bye.

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Hudson McGill.

Listen, I am so sorry

about everything that happened today.

I-- You know what?

I think you handled yourself really well today,

considering everything.

The McGill Foundation would be really honored

if you would represent us

at Oxford University next year.

But I don't understand. I--

I found these.

This would have been an amazing speech.

It's not just that you wanted to win.

It's that you absolutely refused to fail,

and you didn't.

You deserve this Fellowship, Jane.

You really do.

Congratulations and good luck.

Thank you.

Can you believe it?

I'm so happy.

I...

Thank you.

No, thank you.

One, two, three, four!

[PLAYING "SUFFRAGETTE CITY"]

* Hey, man *

* My school day's insane *

* Hey, man *

* My work's Down the drain *

* Hey, man *

* She's a total Blam blam *

* She says She had to squeeze it *

* But she... And then she... *

* Oh, don't Lean on me, man *

* 'Cause you can't Afford the ticket *

* I'm back From Suffragette City *

* Oh, don't Lean on me, man *

* 'Cause you ain't got Time to check it *

* You know My Suffragette City *

* Is out of sight *

Hey. Hi.

So, have you given any thought to visiting me in London?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm...

I'm not gonna be able to visit you.

It's not gonna work out for me.

Sorry.

It's okay.

I mean, your whole life's here.

Jane, I'm playing.

I'm moving.

I'm actually transferring schools there next year.

Really? Seriously?

You excited?

* Suffragette City *

* Oh, don't lean on me, man *

I've got this great idea for the video.

It's like... It's like Roxy,

and she's dressed as a cucumber, and then--

[GROANS]

All right, well, maybe...

maybe I should just be happy

that I'm going to London on tour with you guys

and I should probably keep these thoughts to myself.

Agreed.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

Open up! Police!

Cut it, guys. Cut it.

[MUSIC PETERS OUT]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Sorry to break up the party here, kids,

but you see, I got this little VW Bug

parked out there in a loading zone.

License number

two Quilted Laxative four Santa Kansas Limerick.

Where's Roxanne Ryan?

You've got to be kidding me.

I am.

I just stopped by

to wish you bon voyage, and...

maybe get an autograph.

Of course you may, Officer Lomax.

Thank you, ma'am.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Iggy Pop.

Crank the juice on that half-stack

and let's hear what this band can do.

JUSTIN: You heard the officer.

Let's roll the guitars again.

Nice work, son.

[DRUMSTICKS COUNTING OFF]

* Oh *

* Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am *

* Suffragette City *

* Suffragette City *

* Suffragette City *

* Suffragette City *

* Oh, don't lean on me, man *

* 'Cause you Can't afford the ticket *

* You know my Suffragette City *

* She's all right **

[JASON MRAZ'S "CURBSIDE PROPHET '04" PLAYING]

* Hey, hey-hey *

* Something's different In my world today *

* Well, they changed My traffic sign *

* To a brighter yellow *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* You see, I started way back In N.Y.C. *

* When I stole my first rhymes On this M.I.C. *

* At a West End avenue at 63 *

* The beginning of a leap year February, '96 *

* With a guitar Picked up in the mix *

* Well, I committed to the licks Like a nickel bag of tricks *

* Well, look at me now *

* Look at you now *

* And look at us now, now, now *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* Well, you're never gonna guess When I've been, been, been *

* Well, I have no regrets *

* That I bet My whole checking account *

* Because It all amounts to nothing *

* Up in the end *

* Well, you can only count On the road again *

* We'll soon be on The radio dial *

* And I've been Paying close attention *

* To the dance hall style *

* I'm touring around the nation On extended vacation *

* And I got-- Who exceeded my limitation *

* I say, "I like your style, Crazy pound pup" *

* You need a ride? *

* Well, come on Get in the truck *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket ya'll *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* I'm just a curbside prophet With my hand in my pocket *

* And I'm waiting For my rocket to come *

* See, I'm a down home brother Redneck undercover *

* With my guitar here I'm ready to play *

* And I'm a sucker for a filly Got a natural ability *

* I'm geared to freestyle Look at my flexibility *

* Dangerous on the mike My ghetto hat's cocked right *

* All the ladies say That I'm so crazy *

* I got the backstage betties Taking more than they can get *

* They say They wanna have my baby *

* Hey, love, love Love, love *

* Something's different In my world today *

* Well, they changed My traffic sign *

* To a brighter yellow *

* Hey, hey-hey *

* Something's different In my world today *

* Hey, hey-hey *

* Something's different In my world today *

* Well, they changed My traffic sign *

* To a brighter Brighter shade of yellow *

* I'm just a curbside prophet *

* Curbside prophet now *

* Curbside prophet now **

["BRING ON THE BLING" PLAYING]

* Are you ready? *

* Bling, bling, honeys Just keep it coming *

* Don't you know that You're rolling with me? *

[RAPPING INDISTINCTLY]

* Watch how they love it Baby wanna touch it *

* Fendi, Gucci Christian Dior *

* Turn around And let me see you move it *

* Like you always do When you're sure *

* Clean and clear From the front to rear *

* No need to fear The world is yours *

* Any way you want it Just keep it coming *

* Don't you know that You're rolling with me? **