Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY HALLMARK HOME ENTERTAINMENT

AHH!

THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN,

SEEING SERENA AGAIN.

I WONDER IF SHE'S AS EXCITED AS I AM.

IT'S HER HUSBAND'S FUNERAL, MAGGIE.

OH, IRA, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO NEGATIVE ABOUT EVERYTHING?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.

YOU BETTER HURRY UP.

WE GOT A LONG DRIVE.

MAX DIES ON WEDNESDAY.

SHE WAITS TILL THE LAST THING FRIDAY NIGHT TO CALL.

NO TIME TO CHECK ROUTES, NOTIFY CUSTOMERS.

MONDAY'S THE DAY I SHOULD CLOSE THE SHOP.

WELL, I'M SURE MAX WOULD HAVE HELD ON LONGER

IF HE'D JUST KNOWN.

I HOPE SERENA DOESN'T EXPECT ME

TO BE A PALL BEARER.

SHE DIDN'T MENTION THAT.

SHE JUST SAID SHE NEEDED OUR HELP.

WELL, I THINK SHE MEANT, YOU KNOW, MORAL SUPPORT.

MAYBE PALL BEARING IS MORAL SUPPORT.

WOULDN'T THAT BE PHYSICAL SUPPORT?

MMM. MAYBE.

OH.

ONE SLICE MEDIUM BROWN, NO BUTTER.

OH, THANK YOU, HONEY.

OH.

AHH!

DAISY, YOU ARE SO ORGANIZED.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.

SELF PRESERVATION.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL PACKED.

I'VE BEEN ALL PACKED FOR A WEEK.

YOU DIDN'T PACK YOUR TEDDY BEAR.

MOM, I'M GOING TO COLLEGE,

NOT SOME SLUMBER PARTY.

I'LL BET YOU WOULDN'T BE THE ONLY ONE.

MOTHER, PLEASE.

IT JUST SEEMS SO SAD, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, DAVE STOOD BY YOU ALL THESE YEARS

THROUGH THICK AND THIN.

DAISY.

HONEY...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS DRESS?

IT'S O.K.

SWEETIE, I AM SO SORRY

THAT WE'RE GOING TO GO OFF

AND LEAVE YOU BY YOURSELF

ON YOUR LAST FULL DAY HOME.

THAT WAS WHEN I WAS 13.

AT LEAST WE'LL HAVE YOU ALL BY OURSELVES TOMORROW

ON THE DRIVE TO COLLEGE.

MMM.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

MMM! OH, LOOK AT THE TIME.

[CHIMING]

DAISY...

WOULD YOU CALL JESSE AND SAY GOOD-BYE?

WHY CAN'T HE COME OUT OF HIS WAY FOR A CHANGE

AND SAY GOOD-BYE TO ME?

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW JESSE.

BARELY.

WHOO! WHOO WHOO WHOO!

OH, HI, JESSE.

MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE ALL GUSSIED UP?

YOU RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME?

I'M LATE. I'M GOING TO A FUNERAL,

MAX GILL'S, SERENA GILL'S HUSBAND.

YOU KNOW THEM.

I DO?

YEAH, YEAH. DEERLICK, PENNSYLVANIA.

YOU'RE WALKING ALL THE WAY TO DEERLICK, PENNSYLVANIA?

NO. I'M GOING TO THE BODY SHOP FOR THE CAR.

I'D DRIVE YOU,

BUT THESE PIPES WOULD KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.

CAN I BORROW THAT TV FROM MY OLD ROOM?

OH, WELL, IT--IT'S BROKEN.

OH, MAN. JUST MY LUCK.

THAT'S THE WAY YOU RETURNED IT.

I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.

YEAH. OH, OH, JESSE.

IF WE DO HAVE TIME, WE MIGHT GO BY CARTWHEEL

AND SEE FIONA AND LEROY.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO TELL THEM?

THE TEMPERATURE TODAY IN BALTIMORE

IS A WARM 89.

HUMIDITY HOLDING RIGHT UP THERE AT 94%.

THE ORIOLES ARE AT HOME TODAY

FOR A DOUBLE-HEADER WITH THE CALIFORNIA ANGELS.

REMEMBER IT'S CAP DAY.

ALL FANS UNDER 12 GET A FREE ORIOLES CAP.

BE SURE TO BRING YOUR KIDS.

NOW BACK TO...

MORNING, DAD.

DARN EARLY FOR YOU TO BE PLOWING AROUND DOWN THERE.

I ALMOST CALLED THE COPS.

WELL, I'M CLOSING UP SHOP TODAY.

I WAS PUTTING A SIGN IN THE WINDOW.

HER HIGHNESS FIND SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU TO DO

THAN EARNING A LIVING?

WE'RE GOING TO A FUNERAL.

A FUNERAL DON'T TAKE ALL DAY.

I DON'T EXPECT YOU

TO CLOSE UP SHOP THE WHOLE DAY WHEN I GO.

YEAH. WE HAVE TO DRIVE TO DEERLICK, PENNSYLVANIA.

MORANS HAVE GOT NO KIN IN DEERLICK, PENNSYLVANIA.

I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

MAX GILL, UH,

HUSBAND OF MAGGIE'S BEST FRIEND.

AHH, FIGURES.

SO YOU PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF HIM,

BUT YOU GOT TO CLOSE UP SHOP ON SATURDAY

AND GO THERE,

AND YOU PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

WE SANG AT THEIR WEDDING, DAD.

DON'T LET ME KEEP YOU.

DON'T KEEP THE PRINCESS WAITING.

JUST DON'T EXPECT ME TO TRAIPSE UP AND DOWN STAIRS

IF THE PHONE RINGS.

JUST LET IT RING, AND I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

YOU START CLOSING UP SHOP ON SATURDAYS,

YOU'LL BE PUTTING A "FOR SALE" SIGN IN THE WINDOW,

AND THEN WHERE WILL YOU BE?

HELLO.

GOOD MORNING, MRS. MORAN.

UHH!

THANK YOU.

HEH HEH HEH. OOH!

SORRY. I HAD TO SLIDE IT BACK.

THAT'S O.K. I LIKE IT ON THE SECOND NOTCH.

PERFECT MATCH.

FOUND THE ORIGINAL COLOR TRIM.

WHAT'S THAT?

THE PAINT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, IT'S LOVELY.

IT SMELLS JUST LIKE FRESH NAIL POLISH.

THIS IS MEL SPRUCE. WELCOME BACK.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT LOVE AND MARRIAGE.

SO YOU'VE OUTGROWN THE LOVE THING, IS THAT RIGHT?

NO. I SAID THE FIRST TIME I GOT MARRIED,

IT WAS FOR LOVE...

FIONA?

THIS TIME, I'M GOING FOR SECURITY.

I'VE GOT A 7-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER TO SUPPORT.

FIONA.

LOOK OUT! [HONK]

MRS. MORAN, ARE YOU O.K.?

CERTAINLY. WHY DO YOU ASK?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO ASK ME ABOUT THE FENDER?

OH, YOU NOTICED THAT, TOO.

THAT'S JUST LIKE YOU, IRA MORAN.

OH, LOOK, WAIT A MINUTE.

IT'S YOUR DENT, BUT IT'S MY FAULT, RIGHT?

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

OH, THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY EXPECTS OF ME.

MAGGIE ALWAYS DOES THINGS SO DUMB.

NO. I WAS JUST LOOKING FORWARD

TO THAT MAGICAL FIVE MINUTES,

THAT FRESH OUT-OF-THE-PAINT-SHOP SPARKLE

WHEN THE OLD GIRL LOOKS LIKE NEW AGAIN.

IRA, I'M SO SORRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

I WAS JUST DRIVING OUT OF THE SHOP.

SUDDENLY, FIONA CAME ON THE RADIO

SAYING SHE WAS GETTING MARRIED AGAIN.

MY FOOT HIT THE GAS INSTEAD OF THE BRAKE.

HOW COULD THAT HAPPEN?

FIONA CAME ON THE RADIO. I WAS STARTLED.

THE BRAKE ISN'T SOMETHING

YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT.

YOU'VE BEEN DRIVING

SINCE YOU WERE 16 YEARS OLD, MAGGIE!

HOW CAN YOU MIX THE GAS WITH THE BRAKE PEDAL?

I WAS STARTLED, AND I JUST DID.

DROP IT.

THE BRAKE IS A REFLEX.

I'LL PAY FOR IT OUT OF MY SALARY.

WELL, THAT WILL TAKE A LITTLE WHILE...

WITH WHAT THEY PAY AT THE NURSING HOME.

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED,

BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU STANDING HERE

WONDERING WHAT BECAME OF ME.

YOU WERE INVOLVED IN A HIT-AND-RUN ACCIDENT?

WELL, HE HIT ME, AND I RAN.

WHAT DOES THAT MAKE IT?

OH, WELL, NO NEED TO WORRY.

THE BODY SHOP HAS OUR NAME AND ADDRESS.

THE COPS WILL BE AT THE HOUSE

WHEN WE GET BACK FROM THE FUNERAL.

YOU CAN INVITE THEM ALL IN FOR SUPPER.

YOU'LL KNOW ALL ABOUT THEIR WIVES AND KIDS BY DARK.

WELL, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING FRIENDLY.

I DON'T SEE HOW YOU FORGOT TO BRING THE MAP.

I DIDN'T FORGET TO BRING IT.

I REMEMBERED NOT TO BRING IT.

WHEN WE GET LOST, REMEMBER THAT.

WELL, WE WON'T GET LOST.

SERENA SAID YOU TAKE HIGHWAY 10 TURNOFF,

AND THAT TAKES YOU PRACTICALLY THERE.

I SEEM TO REMEMBER A TURNOFF FARTHER NORTH.

NO. JUST TAKE HIGHWAY 10.

DARN, I MEANT TO CALL MRS. STOLTZ FROM THE SHOP.

SHE WAS BRINGING IN ALL HER LATEST WATERCOLORS TODAY.

THAT'S O.K. WE'LL CALL JESSE.

HE'LL GO BY THE SHOP, LOOK UP HER NUMBER,

AND GIVE HER A CALL.

JESSE TOOK THE BELL OFF HIS TELEPHONE.

THE WHOLE CIVILIZED WORLD

MOVING TOWARD TELEPHONES WITH PICTURES,

AND YOUR SON DOESN'T HAVE ONE WITH A BELL.

THE THING I LOVE ABOUT JESSE

IS HE IS SO CAREFREE.

CAREFREE.

ONE OF THE WORLD'S GREAT ROCK MUSICIANS

SELLING MOTORCYCLES FOR A LIVING,

THIS WEEK, AT LEAST.

THAT IS JUST A SOMETIME THING.

LOOK, EVERYTHING WITH JESSE IS SOMETIMES--

JOBS, MARRIAGE, FATHERHOOD.

YOU KNOW, IRA, I WAS THINKING.

WE COULD STOP BY CARTWHEEL AFTER THE FUNERAL TODAY

AND JUST SAY HELLO TO-- TO FIONA AND LEROY.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HEARD ON THE RADIO

FIONA WAS GETTING MARRIED.

GETTING, NOT GOT.

THERE'S STILL TIME.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

LOOK, WHAT IN THE SAM HILL

WAS FIONA DOING ON THE RADIO

ANNOUNCING SHE WAS GETTING MARRIED?

SHE WAS ON A.M. BALTIMORE,

YOU KNOW, THE MEL SPRUCE SHOW?

PEOPLE WERE CALLING IN TALKING ABOUT WHAT MAKES A GOOD MARRIAGE.

FIONA STUCKEY MORAN SURE QUALIFIES AS AN EXPERT.

WELL, I KNOW...

BUT WE SHOULD STILL KEEP AN EYE ON LEROY.

YOU NAME A GIRL "LEROY,"

SHE BETTER DEVELOP A SENSE OF TAKING CARE OF HERSELF.

JUST DROP BY FOR A LITTLE VISIT.

ANN LANDERS SAYS DROP-IN VISITS ARE INCONSIDERATE.

IF YOU'D MARRIED ANN LANDERS,

YOU COULD HAVE LIVED A LIFE OF UTTER CORRECTNESS.

"NELL'S CAFE, 1 MILE."

THEY'LL HAVE A MAP THERE.

I'M STARVED.

YOU CAN GET SOMETHING TO EAT

WHILE I LOOK AT THE MAP.

I DON'T WANT SOMETHING TO EAT.

YOU SAID YOU WERE STARVING.

I'M ON A DIET. I JUST WANT A SNACK.

I HATE HOW YOU TRY TO UNDERMINE MY DIETS.

YOU DON'T NEED TO DIET.

LOOK JUST RIGHT TO ME.

YOU MEAN, JUST RIGHT CONSIDERING.

UH-OH. HMM.

DO YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF SALADS?

OH, WE DON'T SERVE NO SALADS, HON.

ALL'S I CAN OFFER YOU

IS THE LETTUCE AND TOMATO OFF THE BLTs.

NO. THIS IS FINE. COFFEE'S FINE.

MMM. YOU KNOW I MIGHT JUST HAVE A PACKAGE

OF THE TACO CHIPS ON THE RACK OVER THERE.

OF COURSE I KNOW I SHOULDN'T.

MAGGIE...

THAT'S SHORT FOR MARGARET, RIGHT?

YES.

JUST PLAIN OLD MABEL.

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET.

IT WAS MY THIRD GRADE TEACHER

STARTED CALLING ME MAGGIE

'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T CARE TOO MUCH FOR THE IRISH.

THEN WHEN SHE FOUND OUT THAT I LIKED IT,

IT REALLY TORE HER UP.

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU NEED TO LOSE A POUND,

HONEST, MAGGIE.

OH, THAT'S WHAT IRA SAYS.

HE LIKES ME THE WAY I AM NOW.

MY DOCTOR MADE ME LOSE 20 POUNDS,

ELSE HE SAID MY FEET AND MY ANKLES WOULDN'T HOLD UP.

I WEAR THE BEST NURSE'S SHOES I CAN GET,

BUT COME QUITTING TIME,

I AM NUMB FROM THE KNEES DOWN.

THAT IS THE HARDEST WORK THERE IS.

YEAH.

OUR DAUGHTER DAISY DOES WAITRESSING.

COURSE IT WAS JUST SUMMER WORK.

SHE'S GOING OFF TO COLLEGE TOMORROW.

COLLEGE?

A SMARTY, HUH?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW,

BUT SHE DID GET A FULL SCHOLARSHIP.

WANT SOME OF THESE?

OH, THANK YOU.

ALL'S I HAD IS BOYS.

THEY WAS DUMB AS SHRUBS.

OH, WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A DAUGHTER.

DAUGHTERS CAN HAVE THEIR DRAWBACKS, TOO.

MINE HAS JUST CHANGED OUT OF ALL RECOGNITION.

IRA SAYS IT'S JUST BECAUSE SHE'S GROWING UP,

BUT SEEMS LIKE THAT NOW

EVERY SINGLE THING THAT WE DO IS WRONG.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID THE OTHER DAY?

I WAS TESTING OUT THIS-- THIS TUNA CASSEROLE,

SO I SERVED IT FOR SUPPER,

AND I SAID TO HER, "ISN'T THIS DELICIOUS?

NOW, TELL ME HONESTLY WHAT YOU THINK."

YEAH?

SO DAISY SAID,

"MOM, WAS THERE A CERTAIN CONSCIOUS POINT IN YOUR LIFE

WHEN YOU DECIDED TO SETTLE FOR BEING ORDINARY?"

OH!

FOR GOD'S SAKES, MAGGIE.

WELL, I'M SORRY. IT JUST GOT TO ME

BECAUSE TO ME I AM NOT ORDINARY.

YOU AREN'T. YOU TELL HER, HONEY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID TO BOBBY, OUR OLDEST?

IT WAS OVER A TUNA DISH, COME TO THINK OF IT.

AIN'T THAT A COINCIDENCE?

WELL, HE ANNOUNCES, "I AM SICK TO DEATH OF FOODS

THAT'S MINGLED TOGETHER."

I SAID, "YOU JUST LEAVE THIS TABLE.

YOU JUST LEAVE THIS HOUSE."

HE THOUGHT I WAS RUNNING MY MOUTH.

HE KNEW I WAS SERIOUS

WHEN I PUT HIS CLOTHES ON HIS CAR'S HOOD.

MMM.

[DOORBELL JINGLES]

I DON'T KNOW.

THINGS JUST--JUST...

CLOSED IN ON ME TODAY.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO A FUNERAL.

SOMEBODY YOU THOUGHT WOULD LIVE FOREVER.

OH, MAGGIE.

WELL, YOU ARE HOLDING UP VERY WELL, I'D SAY.

THEN I HEARD THAT MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

IS GOING TO GET REMARRIED.

WELL, HOW CAN SHE DO THAT?

AHH, IS IT YOUR SON THAT PASSED ON?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

MY EX-DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, I SHOULD HAVE SAID.

YOU SEE, JESSE NEVER, NEVER

WOULD HAVE DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL

IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR DUMB BERNAM

WHO TOLD HIM THAT HE HAD THIS GREAT SINGING TALENT.

OF COURSE HE JUMPED ON IT

'CAUSE HIS FATHER'S ALWAYS AFTER HIM ABOUT HIS SHORTCOMINGS.

[CLINK CLINK]

WELL, YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM.

HE HAD THIS LONG FOLLOWING OF GIRLS, YOU KNOW,

AND THEN FINALLY HE HAD THIS ONE SPECIAL GIRL.

WE ALL KNOW WHO THAT WAS, HUH?

AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

ANYWAY, SO HE BROUGHT HER OVER TO OUR HOUSE TO LIVE

BECAUSE HE WASN'T MAKING MUCH MONEY WORKING PART-TIME,

AND THEN I WAS JUST THRILLED

WHEN THEY HAD THIS DARLING BABY,

AND THEN FIONA-- HIS WIFE--AND THE BABY

LEFT AFTER THIS AWFUL SCENE.

SHE JUST-- JUST UP AND LEFT,

AND--AND--AND I SAID, "IRA, GO AFTER HER.

IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE WENT."

WELL, HE SAID, "JUST LET THEM GO.

LET THEM GO ON AND GO."

ACCORDING TO THIS MAP,

IT'S ABOUT SIX OF ONE, HALF A DOZEN OF ANOTHER.

OH, IRA, JUST TAKE HIGHWAY 10

AND SHUT UP ABOUT IT!

SIX AND A HALF YEARS, SEVEN NOW,

AND YOU KEEP DRAGGING UP THAT FIONA BUSINESS,

BLAMING ME BECAUSE SHE WALKED OUT.

I WAS JUST STATING THE FACTS.

OH, NOBODY ASKED FOR THE FACTS.

I KNEW IT WAS COMING

THE MINUTE YOU STARTED CALLING EACH OTHER

BY YOUR FIRST NAMES.

ALL-KNOWING IRA MORAN.

IF ANYONE GETS CAUGHT STANDING STILL,

THEY GET A FULL DOSE OF OUR FAMILY HISTORY.

IF I AM SUCH AN EMBARRASSMENT, LET ME OUT.

GLADLY.

I MEAN IT.

I CANNOT BEAR YOUR COMPANY ONE MORE SECOND.

[WHISTLING]

ARE YOU GOING TO STOP,

OR DO I HAVE TO JUMP FROM A MOVING VEHICLE?

OH, UH, MAG...

STOP THAT!

[TIRES SQUEAL]

HI, BABE. WANT A RIDE?

WHY NOT RUN OVER ME AND BE DONE WITH IT?

COME ON, LITTLE GIRL.

I'LL BUY YOU A PACKAGE OF FIG NEWTONS.

YOU CAN SAVE YOUR FIG NEWTONS

FOR YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER.

BEG YOUR PARDON?

THERE IS NO EARTHLY REASON

WHY WE SHOULDN'T STOP AFTER THE FUNERAL

AND SAY HELLO TO YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, LITTLE LEROY.

GET RID OF ALL THOSE ILL FEELINGS.

IT'D DO YOU A WORLD OF GOOD.

MAGGIE--AND DON'T START JUMPING OUT OF THE CAR AGAIN--

JUST LISTEN.

I THINK IT'S A BAD IDEA.

TODAY HAS GOT ENOUGH BAD GOING FOR IT ALREADY.

BOTH TIMES WE'VE TRIED VISITING FIONA,

IT TURNED SOUR, REMEMBER?

YOU KEEP LOOKING FOR SOME KIND OF HAPPY ENDING

TO THIS JESSE AND FIONA BUSINESS.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIND IT IN CARTWHEEL,

NO, MA'AM.

MMM. SOUNDS LIKE A MAYBE TO ME.

THIS IS DEERLICK, ISN'T IT?

YEAH. BOTH SIDES OF THE STREET.

SERENA DID SAY SATURDAY, DIDN'T SHE?

I DIDN'T KNOW MAX OWNED A TIE.

HELLO.

HELLO.

I WONDER IF THEY'VE GOT SIDES,

LIKE AT A WEDDING--

BRIDE'S SIDE, GROOM'S SIDE.

WEDDING'S HAVE SIDES.

FUNERALS JUST HAVE FRONT AND BACK.

[GIGGLES]

DID YOU FIND SOME GRAFFITI?

LISTEN TO THIS.

"IN MEMORY OF VIVIAN DEWAR,

BELOVED HUSBAND AND FATHER."

CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING A HUSBAND NAMED VIVIAN?

YOU SHOULD TALK--

FOR SOMEONE WITH A GRANDDAUGHTER NAMED LEROY.

IT'S LEROY.

IRA.

FEAR NOT.

ANYONE COMES IN,

I CAN MAKE THESE DISAPPEAR AS IF BY MAGIC.

YOU'RE AN ADDICT.

TSK.

PUT THE JACK ON HERE.

BUTT OUT, MAGGIE.

MAGGIE!

SERENA?

MAGGIE, YOU CAME.

OH, SERENA,

I'M SO, SO SORRY.

OH.

I KNOW, BUT I'M SO, SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU.

LET'S NOT HAVE ANY "SORRYS".

IRA.

[KISS KISS]

HOW ARE YOU?

FINE, FINE.

A LITTLE HITCH HERE AND THERE.

SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT MAX.

I'M JUST SO GRATEFUL YOU MADE THE DRIVE.

THANK YOU.

OH, SERENA, YOU JUST LOOK...

WONDERFUL.

I MEAN, CONSIDERING.

OH, MAGGIE.

BEFORE THE OTHERS COME...

OH, I JUST MISS OUR GIRL-TO-GIRL TALKS SO MUCH.

WE CAME DOWN HIGHWAY 10 LIKE YOU SAID.

DID I SAY HIGHWAY 10?

I LOVE THAT LIPSTICK YOU'RE WEARING.

YOU ASKED ME ON MY WEDDING DAY

HOW I KNEW MAX WAS THE RIGHT ONE.

YOU SAID YOU KNEW MAX WAS THE RIGHT ONE

BECAUSE YOU WERE RIGHT AT THE END OF THE LINE.

YOU WERE NOWHERES NEAR THE END OF THE LINE.

OH, YEAH, I WAS.

AND YOU ASKED ME HOW I COULD RESIST IRA,

BECAUSE HE WAS SO MYSTERIOUS.

HA! MYSTERIOUS?

YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO RESIST HIM,

BECAUSE HE WASN'T CHASING YOU.

OH, MAGGO, IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY.

IT'S ALL COME AND GONE.

I WAS THINKING LAST NIGHT

THAT LIFE'S BEEN LIKE A LONG WEEKEND.

WHEN IT'S COMING UP,

YOU THINK IT'LL GO ON FOREVER.

AND THEN IT'S GONE,

AND YOU'VE DONE NOTHING.

I WAS TRYING TO REMEMBER

WHEN WE WERE JUST GIRLS.

OH, OUR LURID PAST.

I WISH IT HAD BEEN LURIDER.

I WANTED TO BE THE KIND OF GIRL

MOTHERS WERE AFRAID TO HAVE THEIR SONS AROUND AFTER DARK.

YOU DIDN'T SO BAD.

IT'S A GOOD THING MAX DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION TO HIS MOTHER.

I WAS HORRIBLE TO HIM AT THE LAST.

OH, NO.

YOU DON'T KNOW.

ONE DAY HE WAS OUT SELLING RADIO ADS.

THE NEXT DAY HE TURNED YELLOW,

AND HIS UPPER LIP DISAPPEARED.

THE NEXT THING I KNEW--

FLAT ON HIS BACK IN BED.

THE CANCER JUST SWEPT OVER HIM.

THAT'S AWFUL.

I NAGGED HIM TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF,

BUT, NO.

TO HEAR HIM TELL IT,

JOGGERS WERE DROPPING LIKE FLIES.

HE WOULD NEVER EAT ANYTHING

THAT WAS THE LEAST BIT GREEN,

LIKE LETTUCE OR BROCCOLI.

I WAS HORRIBLE TO HIM AT THE END.

WELL, HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN--

I'M SURE HE DID--

THAT YOU WERE BESIDE YOURSELF.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GLOSS THINGS OVER?

I WAS HORRIBLE TO HIM.

HE WAS GOING.

HE WAS LEAVING ME WITH ALL HIS UNFINISHED BUSINESS

THAT I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND,

LIKE SOME DUMB IRS AUDIT FOR $87.

IT'S BEEN HANGING ON FOR THREE YEARS.

INSURANCE POLICIES I CAN'T FIND.

HE LET HIS CAR LICENSE EXPIRE.

OH, I WAS SO ANGRY AT HIM,

I JUST RANTED AT HIM,

AND HE JUST...DIED.

I DIDN'T NOTICE A CASKET OR ANYTHING.

WHERE IS MAX?

AT HOME IN THE CLOSET.

I'M FLINGING HIS ASHES ON THE CHESAPEAKE NEXT SUMMER.

THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

I THINK THAT'S JUST FINE.

NO. I WAS THINKING LAST NIGHT,

WHY AM I HAVING THIS FUNERAL ANYWAY?

IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE BURYING HIM.

WHY SHOULD WE SIT IN THAT CHURCH

LISTENING TO OLD MRS. PHILBERT

TINKLING OUT GOSPEL HYMNS ON THE PIANO,

STUMBLING UP THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS?

AND I THOUGHT,

WHY NOT CISSY PARTON PLAYING MY PRAYER

LIKE AT OUR WEDDING.

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

WHY NOT ALL OF IT?

JOANNE McDERMOTT READING FROM THE PROPHET.

DURWOOD KLEIG COULD SING

I WANT YOU, I NEED YOU, I LOVE YOU.

I DON'T THINK THEY'D UNDERSTAND

UNLESS THEY'D BEEN AT THE WEDDING.

JUST LET THEM WONDER.

THE MINISTER DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE PART,

BUT THE DEACON WILL PRESIDE.

NOTHING SACRILEGIOUS, OF COURSE.

I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LESS STUFFY,

AND, MAGGO, I WANT YOU AND IRA

TO SING LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING

JUST LIKE YOU DID AT THE WEDDING.

I--I DON'T KNOW, SERENA.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IRA WOULD SAY ABOUT THAT.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

IT WOULDN'T HURT TO HUMOR HER.

UNDER NO CONCEIVABLE CIRCUMSTANCES.

NOR WILL I TAP-DANCE OR PLAY THE SPOON.

IF SHE WERE YOUR ABSOLUTE BEST FRIEND, I--

BEST FRIEND.

OH.

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THE LYRICS?

"I'M BY YOUR SIDE AND SATISFIED."

AT A FUNERAL?

MEMORIAL SERVICE.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

THERE IS NO COFFIN PRESENT.

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M BY HIS SIDE IN A COFFIN.

I'M BY HIS SIDE IN A SPIRITUAL SENSE

IS WHAT I'M SAYING.

IT'S BEEN SO LONG.

WELL, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR A CEREMONY.

OH, THE BARLOW TWINS.

[KISS KISS KISS]

HOW SWEET OF YOU TO COME.

WELL, HELLO, STRANGER.

DURWOOD.

SERENA TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING TO BE HERE.

YOU REMEMBER IRA.

DURWOOD, HOW ARE YOU?

YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT, MAGGIE.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

SORRY.

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING I CAN WRITE ON?

SERENA'S ASKED ME TO SING.

OH, RIGHT.

LET'S SEE.

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN HERE.

COULD YOU HOLD THOSE?

OH, HERE. YES.

IT'S A SHAMPOO COUPON,

BUT YOU CAN WRITE ON THE BACK.

I WANT IT BACK.

COULD I HAVE YOUR PURSE TO WRITE ON?

OH, SURE.

HERE.

THERE.

THANKS.

NOW, LET'S SEE.

I WANT YOU...

I NEED YOU...

I LOVE YOU.

WHAT'S THE REST?

GOOD GRIEF.

[PLAYING MY PRAYER]

IRA, IF YOU WON'T SING WITH ME,

I'LL HAVE TO SING BY MYSELF.

I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.

YOU GUYS, HELP ME.

I JUST CAN'T SING, "I'M BY YOUR SIDE AND SATISFIED."

THERE'S NOT A CASKET UP THERE OR ANYTHING.

HOW ABOUT THE GREAT PRETENDER?

DAVY CROCKETT.

THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS.

YOU'RE A BIG HELP.

THINK OF A DORIS DAY SONG.

THEY'RE ALWAYS SAFE.

AS DEACON OF THIS CHURCH,

I CAN ASSURE YOU

THAT THE MEMBERS OF OUR CONGREGATION

WILL HAVE A WARM PLACE IN THEIR HEARTS FOR MAX GILL

AND HIS TIRELESS EFFORTS

AS CHAIRMAN OF THE FURNACE FUND.

♪ WHEN I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL ♪

♪ I ASKED MY MOTHER WHAT WILL I BE ♪

♪ WILL I BE PRETTY? ♪

♪ WILL I BE RICH? ♪

♪ HERE'S WHAT SHE SAID TO ME ♪♪

♪ I WANT YOU ♪

♪ I NEED YOU ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU ♪

[PLAYING LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING]

FOR MAX.

♪ LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING ♪

♪ IT'S THE APRIL ROSE THAT ONLY GROWS ♪

♪ IN THE EARLY SPRING ♪

♪ LOVE IS NATURE'S WAY OF GIVING ♪

♪ A REASON TO BE LIVING ♪

♪ THE GOLDEN CROWN THAT MAKES A MAN A KING ♪

♪ ONCE ON A HIGH AND WINDY HILL ♪

♪ IN THE MORNING MIST ♪

♪ TWO LOVERS KISSED ♪

♪ AND THE EARTH STOOD STILL ♪

♪ THEN YOUR FINGERS TOUCHED MY SHINING HEART ♪

♪ AND TAUGHT IT HOW TO SING ♪

♪ YES, TRUE LOVE'S ♪

♪ A MANY SPLENDORED THING ♪♪

I WAS VERY MOVED WHEN YOU SANG.

OH, IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

I WANTED TO SING YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE.

MAGGIE, I WANT YOU TO HELP ME

GET THINGS READY AT HOME.

IRA, THANKS. YOU SANG A LITTLE SOFTLY.

WELL, I-- I WARMED TO IT.

SERENA, I'VE BEEN WONDERING.

ARE YOU MOVING TO NEW JERSEY?

WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

TO BE NEAR YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

OH. WELL, I NEVER FELT

I HAD THAT MUCH TO DO WITH MY GRANDCHILDREN.

HOW IS YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER?

LARUE, ISN'T IT?

LEROY. I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT HER

NOW THAT FIONA'S GETTING MARRIED AGAIN.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LET GO.

I DON'T WANT TO LET GO.

YOU KNOW, NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN

EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME.

JESSE DOESN'T LIVE AT HOME ANYMORE.

DAISY'S GOING OFF TO COLLEGE.

NOW THEY'RE EVEN THINKING ABOUT LAYING OFF PEOPLE

FROM THE NURSING HOME.

THAT'S WHAT IT ALL COMES DOWN TO IN THE END, ISN'T IT--

PRUNING AND DISPOSING.

A GOOD DAY IN YOUR LIFE

IS WHEN YOU CAN LOOK AT YOUR CHILDREN AND SAY,

IF I DIE TOMORROW, THEY'D BE ALL RIGHT.

THROW OUT THE TOYS. MOVE TO A SMALLER HOUSE.

HERE I AM, EVERYONE.

THERE'S PLENTY OF FOOD AND DRINK.

IF YOU WANT TO USE THE POWDER ROOM,

YOU'D BETTER TAKE A NUMBER.

MI CASA ES SU CASA.

DURWOOD, I OWE YOU THE WORLD

FOR COMING TO MY RESCUE.

MAGGIE, I LOVED IT.

WE KILLED THEM.

OOPS. YOUR COUPON.

OH, OH.

IT'S A LITTLE WORSE FOR WEAR.

THAT'S FINE.

THE DUMP SALAD IS MINE.

DUMP SALAD?

IT'S SO EASY.

YOU TAKE A PACKAGE OF ORANGE GELATIN POWDER,

A CAN OF CRUSHED PINEAPPLE, AND SOME APPLES,

AND A CARTON OF PREPARED WHIPPED TOPPING,

AND KAZAM-- YOU'VE GOT DUMP SALAD.

WELL, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

I'VE GOT A TREAT FOR YOU.

BE SURE--

NO, THAT'S--

DID YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE?

MUST BE A POUND OF BUTTER IN THEM.

NO GOOD FOR OUR LITTLE WAISTLINES.

LISTEN, I HEAR THESE CHOCOLATE CHIPS ARE GREAT.

SHOWTIME.

OH, OH. EVERYBODY, PAY ATTENTION.

PEOPLE, PEOPLE.

HERE'S COMES THE SURPRISE I PROMISED YOU--

THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU

THE MOVIES OF MAX'S AND MY WEDDING.

OH, I DON'T THINK--

COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS?

OH, VERY GOOD.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

IS HE HAVING TROUBLE WITH THAT SCREEN?

YOU WANT IT TO GO ALL THE WAY.

[MOVIE PROJECTOR RUNS]

[SERENA] NOW THERE WE ARE.

SERENA'S GOING TO SHOW MOVIES OF THEIR WEDDING...

29 YEARS AGO.

I BET YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT, DO YOU?

YOU DON'T, DO YOU?

IT WAS A SATURDAY.

YOU CAME BY THE FRAME SHOP TO PICK ME UP.

YOU WERE WEARING A BLUE DRESS,

AND YOU WERE CARRYING YOUR LITTLE HAT IN YOUR HAND

SO YOU WOULDN'T MESS YOUR HAIR.

DAD TOOK ONE LOOK AT YOU AND SAID,

"DON'T GET ANY IDEAS, MISS DALEY,

"DON'T EVER EXPECT IRA TO GET MARRIED,

"BECAUSE HE CAN'T.

HE'S GOT RESPONSIBILITIES."

AND I SAID, "I'M GOING TO MARRY MAGGIE DALEY REGARDLESS,

SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO IT."

IT HAPPENED SOONER THAN HE THOUGHT.

THAT ABOUT COVER IT?

YOU ARE THE MOST EXASPERATING MAN

ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

OH, OH.

[LAUGHING]

SERENA.

MAGGIE, I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS.

SERENA.

YOU ARE ALWAYS IMPOSSIBLE,

BUT AT A FUNERAL GATHERING

IN THE BED I SHARED WITH MY HUSBAND.

WE WERE JUST SITTING ON THE EDGE.

GO.

JUST GO.

[LAUGHING]

OH, IRA.

IRA, WHAT DID WE DO?

SHE'S NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE ME.

OF COURSE SHE WILL,

BUT RIGHT NOW SHE'LL THANK US

TO TAKE OFF OUT THE BACK DOOR.

OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

HERE, LET ME.

[LAUGHING]

OH, I AM SO SORRY.

AREN'T YOU?

NOT ONE THIMBLEFUL.

[LAUGHING]

I'M GLAD WE'RE LEAVING EARLY.

WE CAN STOP BY CARTWHEEL

AND SAY HELLO TO FIONA AND LEROY.

IT'LL BE DARK BEFORE WE FIND THE TURNOFF.

THE TURNOFF IS MOOSEGOW-- HOOSEGOW.

DO YOU REMEMBER FIVE YEARS AGO?

YOU EVEN CALLED, AND FIONA WAS GONE?

I SAT ON THAT STOOP FOR THREE HOURS

HOLDING THAT GIGANTIC RAGGEDY ANN DOLL

LOOKING LIKE THE VILLAGE IDIOT.

NO, THANKS. UH-UH.

ARE YOU AFRAID TO SEE THEM?

HA HA HA.

YOU COULD HAVE HELPED ME SING, YOU KNOW.

DURWOOD DID.

WHY, YOU TURN A FLASHLIGHT ON DURWOOD KLEIG,

HE'LL SING TO YOU.

♪ LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING ♪♪

SEE? YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT.

♪ DA DA DA DA-DA DA ♪♪

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU REMEMBERED

THAT GREAT BIG OLD RAGGEDY ANN DOLL

YOU BROUGHT LEROY WAY BACK THEN.

OF COURSE I DID.

YOU KNOW, IRA,

DON'T YOU THINK SOMEBODY

OUGHT TO OFFER TO BABYSIT FOR FIONA

WHILE SHE GOES ON HER HONEYMOON?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH WHAT'S-HER-NAME,

THE OTHER GRANDMOTHER?

MRS. STUCKEY?

THAT WOMAN HAS BEEN FILLING OUR GRANDDAUGHTER'S LUNGS

FULL OF SECOND-HAND SMOKE FOR YEARS.

MAYBE SHE QUIT.

IT WOULD BE WORTH A TRIP TO FIND OUT.

WOULDN'T IT SET YOUR MIND AT EASE TO KNOW THAT?

YOU'RE PLOTTING TO HAVE THAT CHILD COME LIVE WITH US.

NOW THAT DAISY'S GOING OFF TO COLLEGE,

YOU'RE SCHEMING TO HAVE LEROY

COME FILL HER PLACE.

ONCE YOU GET HER HOME,

YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLD HER HOSTAGE

WITH ALL KINDS OF GRANDMA MAGIC.

NO. MY IDEA WAS JUST TO DROP BY

AND TO OFFER TO BABYSIT,

BECAUSE...FIONA ISN'T MARRIED AGAIN,

AS YET,

AND I OWE IT TO HER TO CASUALLY...

OWE IT TO HER?

JUST CASUALLY REMIND HER

OF SOME OF THE GOOD TIMES,

AND THEN MAYBE-- OH, IRA--

MAYBE SHE JUST MIGHT RECONSIDER JESSE A LITTLE BIT.

MAGGIE, YOU'VE GOT TO STOP DOING THIS.

DOING WHAT?

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU'RE LIVING

SOME KIND OF PRACTICE LIFE,

LIKE YOU CAN PLAY AROUND WITH IT,

GET SECOND, THIRD CHANCES TO GET IT RIGHT.

JESSE AND FIONA ARE A LOST CAUSE.

GET IN THE CAR.

YOU JUST NEVER SAW

THE LOVING SIDE OF JESSE AND FIONA.

YOU HAD TO LOOK FAST.

WELL, IT'S J-JUST THAT

WHEN ONE OF THEM MAKES A MOVE TOWARDS RECONCILING,

THE OTHER ONE ISN'T LISTENING.

IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF AWFUL,

OUT-OF-SYNC DANCE

WHERE THE TWO OF THEM NEVER CAN JUST GET IN STEP TOGETHER.

OO-OOPS.

WATCH OUT ABOUT THAT CAR.

WELL, HONK AT HIM.

I'LL JUST PASS HIM UP.

[HONK HONK]

THE RULE IS THE PERSON STEERING THE CAR

IS THE ONE WHO HONKS THE HORN.

WHAT DID I DO?

YOU SCARED THAT FELLA OUT OF WHAT FEW WITS HE HAD LEFT.

I WISH YOU'D MANAGE NOT TO STICK YOUR NOSE

IN WHAT DOESN'T CONCERN YOU.

IF I DIDN'T, WHO WOULD?

AND HOW CAN YOU SAY IT DOESN'T CONCERN ME

WHEN HERE I SIT IN WHAT'S KNOWN AS THE DEATH SEAT?

BESIDES, IT WASN'T MY HONKING THE HORN THAT CAUSED THE TROUBLE.

IT WAS THAT CRAZY DRIVER

WHO STOPPED UP THERE WITHOUT ANY REASON.

NOW HURRY UP. CATCH UP TO HIM.

I WANT TO GET HIS NUMBER.

DRIVERS LIKE THAT OUGHT TO BE THROWN OFF THE ROAD.

MAGGIE.

IT WAS PROBABLY JUST AS MUCH OUR FAULT

AS IT WAS HIS.

I BET HE INTENDED FOR YOU TO REAR-END HIM.

HE JUST WANTED TO GET A NEW CAR

OR A WHIPLASH LAWSUIT.

I READ ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME.

I'M GOING TO GET HIS LICENSE.

MM-HMM. I GOT IT.

YOU PULLED YOUR LAST FAST ONE, MISTER.

MAGGIE.

WELL, PASS HIM.

PASS HIM.

IT'S DANGEROUS TO FOLLOW BEHIND

A CRAZY MAN LIKE THAT.

WATCH THIS.

YOUR WHEEL.

YOUR FRONT WHEEL IS FALLING OFF.

WELL, NOW WHY DID YOU GO AND DO THAT?

WELL, NOW WHAT?

OH, IRA.

HE DIDN'T MEAN TO RUN US OFF THE ROAD.

HE PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

DID YOU SEE HIM?

HE HAD THIS KIND OLD FACE,

AND WHEN I YELLED AT HIM ABOUT THE WHEEL,

HE LOOKED SCARED.

HE TIPPED HIS HAT,

JUST LIKE MY GRANDFATHER USED TO.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

HE THINKS WE'RE PLAYING A TRICK,

THAT WE'RE RACIST,

AND WE LIED TO HIM.

WE HAVE TO GO TELL HIM.

THAT NICE FACE WILL HAUNT ME IF WE DON'T.

JUST THINK.

ALL UP AND DOWN THIS HIGHWAY,

OTHER COUPLES ARE OUT FOR A WEEKEND DRIVE,

TRAVELING FROM POINT "A" TO POINT "B,"

NO DETOURS,

STOPPING AT SOME NICE INN FOR LUNCH.

OH, I KNEW YOU COULDN'T BE HEARTLESS.

YOU NEED SOME HELP?

IT'S MY WHEEL.

LADY UP THE ROAD A WAYS POINTED OUT

MY WHEEL IS FALLING OFF.

OH, THAT WAS ME.

I'M MAGGIE MORAN.

THIS IS MY HUSBAND IRA.

YES. MY...

MY NAME IS MR. DANIEL OTIS, MA'AM,

AND I CERTAINLY WANT TO THANK YOU.

I COULD'VE DROVE TO MY DEATH.

OH, WELL...

I--I THINK I MIGHT'VE BEEN MISTAKEN.

IT SEEMS SOLID TO ME.

I THINK IT'S O.K.

OH, WELL, IT SURELY SEEMS FINE

WHEN THE CAR'S SITTING STOCK STILL LIKE IT IS.

I MEAN WHEN YOU WERE BACK ON THE ROAD.

OH, NO.

NO, I COULD FEEL IT WOBBLE ALL RIGHT,

ONCE YOU CALLED MY ATTENTION TO IT.

YOU COULD?

UH, LOOK.

WHY DON'T I JUST GET IN,

DRIVE IT AHEAD A FEW FEET

AND YOU TWO KEEP AN EYE ON IT, HUH?

YOU'LL SEE IT'S O.K.

OH, NO. I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU IN MORTAL DANGER.

UH, NO DANGER.

BELIEVE ME.

YOU SEE,

I HAD THIS KIND OF...

LIKE A...

A MIRAGE...

WHEN WE DROVE PAST YOUR CAR.

[ENGINE STARTS]

AND I THOUGHT THAT I SAW YOUR WHEEL WOBBLE

A LITTLE BIT.

BUT THEN IN THE NEXT INSTANT,

I SAID, "NO,

I THINK I MUST'VE IMAGINED THAT."

DIDN'T I, IRA?

UH-HUH.

JUST ASK IRA.

THERE'S ALL KINDS OF EXPLANATIONS

WHY YOU MIGHT'VE SEEN IT WOBBLE.

OH, YEAH.

OH, YES, CERTAINLY. CERTAINLY.

THE HEAT...

HEAT WAVES RIPPLING UP FROM THE PAVEMENT.

UH...

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

MIGHT'VE BEEN A SIGN, TOO.

A SIGN?

MIGHT'VE BEEN THE LORD

TRYING TO WARN ME.

SOUND AS A DOLLAR TO ME.

WELL, THAT'S...

THAT'S WHAT I WOULD'VE SWORE DRIVING HER,

BUT, NOW, THE LADY'S RIGHT.

I COULD SEE IT WOBBLE ALL RIGHT ENOUGH.

I THINK I SAW IT WOBBLE A LITTLE BIT, TOO.

EXCUSE ME?

I CAN'T HELP IT, IRA.

I DID SEE IT WOBBLE.

IT LOOKED KIND OF SQUASHY, TOO.

NOW, LOOK HERE, MAGGIE--

FOLKS, UH...

I DON'T DESERVE PROPERTIES

LOOKING OVER ME LIKE THIS.

YOU PEOPLE

ARE A GODSEND.

I MEAN, ANYBODY ELSE

WOULD LET ME JUST DRIVE ON TO MY DEATH.

PROVIDENCE AND A GOOD LUG WRENCH

IS ALL WE NEED IN A CASE LIKE THIS.

WE'LL JUST TIGHTEN UP THOSE LUG NUTS,

AND YOU'D BE ON YOUR WAY, SAFE AND SOUND.

OH, SHOOT.

I...

I JUST REMEMBERED.

SOMEBODY STOLE THAT LUG WRENCH

OUT OF MY TRUNK A WHILE BACK.

HOW DID THEY FIND IT?

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

I SURE ADMIRE A LADY

WHO COULD JEST IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY.

DON'T YOU?

OH, YEAH.

YEAH.

WELL, I'LL JUST, UH...

GET THE LUG WRENCH OUT OF OUR CAR.

OH, IRA, I DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT?

YOU REMEMBER WHEN I HAD THAT FLAT LAST MONTH,

AND THAT YOUNG FELLA WAS NICE ENOUGH TO CHANGE THE--

BUT HE WASN'T NICE ENOUGH

TO PUT THE JACK AND THE LUG WRENCH BACK?

I DROVE RIGHT BACK THE NEXT MORNING,

BUT THEY WERE GONE.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE VALUABLES BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

WHAT IF I WERE TO TELL YOU THAT, UH...

WE LIED TO YOU ABOUT YOUR WHEEL BACK THERE,

THAT WE WERE JUST MAD AT YOU BECAUSE YOU...

WERE DRIVING ERRATICALLY?

OH.

I UNDERSTAND.

YOU'VE BEEN KIND ENOUGH

TO COME BACK AND WARN ME,

BUT, UH, WHY DON'T Y'ALL JUST GO ON NOW,

AND I'LL HITCH A RIDE TO BUFORD?

I GOT A NEPHEW WHO WORKS IN A GAS STATION.

HE CAN COME BACK AND FIX ME UP.

GO HOME.

I'LL CATCH ME A RIDE.

YOU'LL DO NO SUCH THING.

WE'LL--WE'LL GIVE YOU A RIDE.

WHERE IS BUFORD?

THERE'S ONE IN CANADA, I THINK.

YOU FOLKS DON'T HAVE TO WAIT.

HE SAID LeMONT IS DUE BACK WITH THE WRECKER

ANY TIME NOW.

A FEW MINUTES WON'T CHANGE OUR LIVES,

WILL IT, IRA?

WE'LL WAIT WITH YOU.

DO THEY HAVE A SNACK MACHINE INSIDE?

YOU MEAN CHIPS AND THINGS LIKE THAT?

YEAH.

OH, YEAH.

I THINK I'D LIKE SOME PRETZELS.

WHAT CAN I GET YOU TWO?

WHAT, ON MY DIET?

MR. OTIS, WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING?

YOU KNOW,

I--I WAS THINKING PRETZELS,

EVEN WHEN I WAS DRIVING.

AIN'T THAT A COINCIDENCE, THOUGH?

UH, PRETZELS IT IS.

HA HA.

WELL...

SO...

HOW ABOUT WE GO SET A SPELL?

WERE YOU ON YOUR WAY HOME

WHEN YOU HAD THE TROUBLE WITH THE WHEEL?

NO.

WELL, YOU KNOW, LIKE I SAID.

I'VE BEEN STAYING WITH MY SISTER LORENE THE LAST FEW DAYS.

ME AND MY WIFE DELUTH...

HAD A BIG FALLING OUT.

OHH.

OH, THAT'S A SHAME, MR. OTIS...

DANIEL.

DANIEL.

YOU KNOW...

SHE GOT MAD AT ME

FOR SOMETHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE DONE

IN HER DREAM.

OH, WELL, I KNOW HOW THAT IS.

YOU KNOW, YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,

AND IT SEEMS SO REAL.

YEAH, WELL, I GUESS.

SHE WAS MAD ENOUGH TO KILL ME WHEN I WOKE UP.

SH-SHE SAID SHE CAUGHT ME

WALKING ON HER NEEDLEPOINT.

NO.

SHE SAID, "YOU'RE THE MOST STUBBORN OLD MAN

I EVER KNEW, DANIEL OTIS."

50 YEARS MARRIED,

AND THAT WAS THE MADDEST

I HAVE EVER SEEN HER.

50 YEARS.

CONGRATULATIONS.

MMM.

THANK YOU.

LeMONT...

YOU KNOW, WHO WE'RE WAITING FOR?

HE'S DIVORCED.

MY SISTER FLORENCE'S GIRL SALLY,

SHE'S DIVORCED.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY EVEN BOTHER GETTING MARRIED ANYMORE.

MY SON JESSE'S DIVORCED.

OHH.

MAKES YOU SO SAD, DON'T IT?

OH, IRA...

MR. OTIS' WIFE IS MAD AT HIM

FOR SOMETHING HE DID IN HER DREAM.

HE WALKED ON HER NEEDLEPOINT.

YOU DON'T SAY?

WELL, I THINK I'M GOING TO GO

AND GET US ALL A DRINK.

THEY HAVE DIET DRINKS IN THERE?

BIG OLD REACH-IN COOLER OUT THERE.

OH.

THANK YOU.

THE MISSIS WAS TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR SON.

SAD, THE YOUNG ONES TODAY.

YES, IT IS.

MMM.

MUSICIAN...

HMM HMM HMM.

SHE SAID.

MUSICIAN WHO CAN'T CARRY A TUNE.

OH, MY.

NOW, THAT IS TOO BAD.

OH, I GUESS I'VE HEARD WORSE THAN JESSE

WHO GOT PAID A LOT MORE.

ISN'T THAT A FACT?

YOU KNOW, I HATE TO TURN ON MY RADIO.

OH, THEY JUST DON'T MAKE THEM

LIKE NAT KING COLE NOWADAYS.

NO, THEY SURELY DON'T.

YOU KNOW,

I SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM THIS SALT,

BUT I GUESS IT'S KIND OF AN OCCASION,

AIN'T IT?

WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO, IRA?

I MEAN, IF I CAN ASK.

I'M A FRAMER.

OH... HOUSES AND SUCH.

NO. PICTURES AND SUCH--

PAINTINGS,

DOCUMENTS.

MMM.

EVEN NEEDLEPOINT.

WHAT IN SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHERE'S YOUR CAR?

WOBBLY WHEEL.

THESE KIND FOLKS BROUGHT ME HERE FOR HELP.

WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE PASSING BY.

IT WAS THE MISSIS WHO CAUGHT ON TO IT.

SHE LEANED OUT HER WINDOW AND CALLED,

"YOUR WHEEL IS FALLING OFF."

I'D OFFER YOU MY HAND,

BUT THIS SODA JUST FIZZED ALL OVER IT.

IT WAS HER WHO FIRST SAW IT WAS LOOSE.

WELL, IT WASN'T REALLY LOOSE.

I JUST MADE THAT UP.

SAY WHAT?

I FIBBED.

YOU MEAN YOU LIED TO HIM?

LeMONT, I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

I DO BELIEVE, NOW THAT I THINK BACK ON IT,

THAT WHEEL HASN'T BEEN ACTING RIGHT

FOR SOME DAYS NOW.

DIDN'T I SAY YOU OUGHT TO GIVE UP DRIVING?

DIDN'T FLORENCE BEG YOU TO TURN IN YOUR LICENSE?

SEE, NOW, IF YOU STAYED HOME WITH AUNT DELUTH,

NONE OF THIS WOULD BE HAPPENING.

I--I DON'T WANT TO BE ANY TROUBLE--

MAN, SEE, YOU BEEN MARRIED 50-SOME YEARS,

AND HALF THE TIME,

YOU BOTH FUSSING ABOUT SOMETHING.

ONE OF YOU ALWAYS MOVING OUT.

SHOOT, MAN, THE LAST TIME YOU BOTH MOVED OUT

AND LEFT THAT PERFECTLY GOOD HOUSE STANDING EMPTY.

WELL, AT LEAST I'M STILL MARRIED,

UNLIKE CERTAIN OTHERS I COULD NAME.

DRIVING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY

LIKE SOME OLD HIPPIE IN THAT OLD CAR.

IF THERE'S ANY EXPENSE--

NO, THERE AIN'T GOING TO BE NO EXPENSE.

NOW, LeMONT IS FAMILY.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, LeMONT?

YES, SIR.

COME ON AND GET IN THE TRUCK.

AS IF I AIN'T GOT NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO WITH MY TIME.

BOY SURE IS CRANKY.

I DON'T KNOW WHO HE TAKE AFTER.

BUT DON'T Y'ALL PAY HIM NO NEVERMIND.

HE JUST WANTS TO RANT AND CARRY ON.

I WANT TO THANK BOTH OF YOU.

WELL...

AND I HOPE THINGS WORK OUT WITH DELUTH.

OH, THEY ALWAYS DO...

SOONER OR LATER.

BYE-BYE.

BYE-BYE, NOW.

[SIGHS]

WELL...

SO ANYHOW...

MAGGIE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT.

SPRUCE GUM.

WHAT?

SPRUCE GUM.

THAT'S THE TURNOFF TO CARTWHEEL...

ACCORDING TO DANIEL THERE.

THAT IS, IF YOU STILL WANT TO SEE FIONA AND LEROY.

THAT'S IT.

YOU SEE? THIS WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN.

OH, IRA.

OH, WAIT.

I GOT LIPSTICK ON YOU. I BETTER GET IT OFF.

JUST LEAVE IT THERE.

WOULDN'T HURT FIONA TO SEE THAT YOU DON'T GET PETRIFIED

JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS.

29.

IT JUST SEEMS LONGER.

WHAT?

IT WAS A JOKE, MY DOVE.

THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL THIS A BOULEVARD.

WE'RE JUST DROPPING BY TO SAY HELLO, ALL RIGHT?

NO RAKING OVER THE PAST.

PROMISE ME, OR I DRIVE RIGHT BY.

THIS WHOLE THING IS A MISTAKE.

DON'T DRAG IT OUT.

DO I LOOK OLD, IRA?

DO I? TELL ME.

IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.

THANKS A WHOLE HEAP.

WHOA, THERE!

OHH...

LEROY.

OH, THAT SWEET DEAR LITTLE THING.

IRA, SHE LOOKS SO UNDERNOURISHED.

SHE LOOKS PART DOBERMAN TO ME.

OHH.

AHH.

WELL...

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU REMEMBER ME.

WELL, I'M YOUR GRANDMA.

MY GRANDMA IS AT THE STORE SHOPPING THIS VERY MINUTE.

WELL, I'M YOUR OTHER GRANDMA.

GRANDMA MORAN...

UH, FROM YOUR FATHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY.

AND THIS IS YOUR GRANDPA.

OH.

OH.

YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE ME, HMM?

WELL...

I WAS STANDING BY WHEN YOU WERE BORN.

AND YOU SPENT THE FIRST EIGHT OR NINE MONTHS

OF YOUR LIFE WITH US.

WHY?

WELL, BECAUSE YOUR MOMMY AND YOUR DADDY

WERE STAYING WITH US THEN.

AND WE BROUGHT YOU A KITTEN...

FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WHEN YOU WERE 1...

THIS LITTLE STRIPED KITTEN.

I DON'T REMEMBER.

NO, YOU WOULDN'T.

YOU WERE SO ALLERGIC, WE HAD TO TAKE IT BACK.

WE TOOK IT TO BALTIMORE.

DO YOU STILL HAVE IT?

I'M NOT SO ALLERGIC ANYMORE.

NO.

UNFORTUNATELY,

THE POOR SWEET LITTLE THING WAS RUN OVER

VERY SHORTLY THEREAFTER.

THAT'S WHY I DON'T LIKE BALTIMORE.

TOO MUCH TRAFFIC.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

IS YOUR MOMMY HOME?

MA!

UH...

WELL...

HI.

SURPRISE.

I HEARD YOU ON THE RADIO THIS MORNING,

SO WE--

WE THOUGHT WE'D STOP BY

AND WISH YOU WELL.

WELL...

WELL, ACTUALLY,

WE WERE IN THIS NECK OF THE WOODS,

UH, FOR MAX GILL'S FUNERAL.

YOU REMEMBER MAX GILL.

MY FRIEND SERENA'S HUSBAND MAX.

WELL, ANYWAY,

HE--HE DIED OF CANCER,

SO I SAID WHY DON'T WE STOP BY AND VISIT FIONA?

UH, THE RADIO?

UH, A.M. BALTIMORE.

IT FEELS FUNNY TO SEE YOU.

FUNNY?

I--I MEAN...

UH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME INSIDE?

OH, YEAH.

WELL, JUST FOR A MINUTE.

WE'VE GOT A MINUTE, HAVEN'T WE?

UH, YEAH, JUST ABOUT.

WELL...

WE WERE SO SURPRISED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR WEDDING PLANS.

IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE?

WELL, I...

I--I COULD'VE SWORN I HEARD YOU SAY THAT

THIS MORNING ON THE RADIO.

WPED.

YOU KNOW,

THE MEL SPRUCE CALL-IN SHOW.

THEY WERE DISCUSSING WHAT IT TAKES

FOR AN IDEAL MARRIAGE.

WELL, IT SURE WASN'T ME.

THE ONLY STATION I LISTEN TO

IS WZBN.

WELL, CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

WELL...

I--I--I COULD'VE SWORN IT WAS YOU.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU HAD SUCH A NICE VOICE.

I'D HARDLY SAY THAT.

WELL, SO, UH...

HOW'S LITTLE DAISY?

OH, SHE'S NOT SO LITTLE ANYMORE.

SHE'S HEADING OFF TO COLLEGE TOMORROW.

WELL, I'M IN PROFESSIONAL SCHOOL MYSELF

RIGHT NOW.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL?

ELECTROLYSIS.

OH, I THINK THAT'S LOVELY.

THE BEAUTY PARLOR WHERE I WORK

AS A SHAMPOO TECHNICIAN IS PAYING FOR THE COURSE--

TUITION AND SUPPLIES.

THEY WANT THEIR OWN LICENSED OPERATOR.

OH, IRA,

ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?

I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE IT.

SHOW THEM YOUR PRACTICE KIT, MA.

OH, OH, YES.

SHOW ME.

SHOW US.

YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT.

WE DO.

ABSOLUTELY.

WELL, THEN, WAIT A SEC.

THEY'RE GOING TO HANG A SIGN IN THE WINDOW,

PROFESSIONALLY PAINTED WITH MA'S NAME ON IT.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

IT'S GENUINE SCIENCE MA SAYS.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE TRAINED EXPERTS

TO TEACH YOU HOW IT'S DONE.

UH, FIRST WE PRACTICE WITH A DUMMY INSTRUMENT.

AHEM.

WE HAVE TO WORK ON GETTING THE ANGLE

EXACTLY RIGHT.

AHEM.

SEE, UH...

YOU TRAVEL

INTO THE FOLLICLE...

EASY.

EASY.

OH!

IF THIS WERE A REAL PERSON,

I WOULD'VE BEEN LEANING ON HER EYEBALL.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO SMUSH YOU.

DOES THE SCHOOL SUPPLY THE SPONGES?

YES, IT'S INCLUDED IN THE TUITION.

TELL HIM ABOUT THE SIGN, MA,

WITH YOUR NAME PROFESSIONALLY PAINTED ON IT.

WELL...

WHEN I GRADUATE,

I'LL HAVE A SIGN READING,

"FIONA MORAN,

"LICENSED ELECTROLOGIST,

PAINLESS REMOVAL OF SUPERFLUOUS HAIR."

FIONA MORAN.

I LIKE THAT.

I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE WAS SO MUCH SUPERFLUOUS HAIR AROUND.

OH, THERE'S A BIG FUTURE IN THE BUSINESS

THE WAY FASHIONS ARE GOING TO THE SKIMPY.

THERE'S A SMALL FORTUNE IN UNWANTED HAIR.

YOU GOT A BALL TO GO WITH THAT GLOVE?

WHAT DO YOU SAY LET'S GO OUTSIDE?

I'LL THROW YOU A FEW.

I'LL CHECK YOUR STUFF OUT.

ISN'T THAT SWEET?

SHE'LL WEAR HIM OUT AND LEAVE HIM FOR DEAD.

DOES SHE EVER MENTION HER DADDY?

NO MORE THAN HE MENTIONS HER, I'LL BET.

WELL, TELL ME.

DO YOU HAVE ANYBODY IN PARTICULAR THESE DAYS, FIONA?

OH, SHOOT.

I JUST BARELY GET TO DATE AT ALL.

THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY-- MARK DERBY.

I GAVE HIM UP LIKE LIGHTNING

WHEN HE GOT SO NASTY

JUST 'CAUSE I BASHED IN HIS CAR.

YOU WERE VERY WISE.

I MEAN, JUST A LITTLE BASH.

I TOTALED IT.

JESSE DOESN'T HAVE ANYBODY IN PARTICULAR EITHER, YOU MIGHT SAY.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'D SAY

HE EVER HAD ANYONE IN PARTICULAR.

HEY, HOW ABOUT A BEER?

OH, I'D LOVE A BEER.

ONLY THING WE GOT IS LIGHT.

IS THAT O.K.?

OH, THAT'S PERFECT.

I'M ON A DIET.

OHH.

I WONDER IF CLAUDINE AND PETER EVER GOT MARRIED.

WHO?

YOU REMEMBER.

THE--THE SOAP OPERA WE USED TO WATCH.

HIS SISTER...

NATASHA...

WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO SPLIT THEM UP.

OH, LORD. NATASHA.

SHE WAS ONE MEAN LADY.

THEN YOU LEFT US.

YOU KNOW, AT FIRST I COULD NOT BELIEVE

YOU WERE GONE FOR GOOD.

I'D COME HOME FROM WORK AT THE NURSING HOME,

AND I'D SWITCH ON THE TV

TO SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO CLAUDINE AND PETER

SO I COULD FILL YOU IN WHEN YOU GOT BACK.

ARE YOU STILL WORKING AT THAT, UH...

SOMETHING WILLOW...

MM-HMM.

BUT I--I WORK SHORT HOURS,

SO, UH, IN... JUST IN CASE, UH...

LEROY EVER WANTED TO COME AND STAY,

I'M ALWAYS HOME BY THE TIME SCHOOL IS OUT.

RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE.

LOW, INSIDE.

ARE YOU REALLY MY GRANDFATHER?

YEP.

MY OTHER GRANDFATHER'S DEAD.

WELL, THIS ONE AIN'T.

AIN'T NO SUCH WORD AS AIN'T.

THERE AIN'T?

HOW COME I DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE YOU?

AH, TAKES A LONG TIME TO GET THIS UGLY.

I SPENT HOURS IN THE BEAUTY PARLOR

GETTING READY FOR THAT DAY

BECAUSE YOU PROMISED HE WAS COMING.

TO THIS DAY, IT MAKES ME JUST BOIL.

WELL, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T TELL HIM

WHEN WE GOT BACK HOME.

OH, SURE.

HE CALLED ME BECAUSE HE FELT SORRY FOR ME

BECAUSE LIKE A FOOL,

I'D GONE TO SO MUCH TROUBLE

THINKING I WOULD SEE HIM.

THAT IS THE TROUBLE WITH THE TWO OF YOU.

YOU BOTH HAVE SUCH WARM FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER,

BUT THEY DON'T GET TURNED ON AT THE SAME TIME.

JESSE MORAN?

FEELINGS?

I WISH YOU COULD'VE SEEN HIM

THE WAY I DID THAT DAY,

LIKE HE'D LOST THE WORLD.

GOOD.

OH, JESSE IS...

IS DIFFERENT.

SURE.

WELL, HE REMEMBERS.

FIONA...

DO YOU KNOW

THAT HIS MOST CHERISHED BELONGING

IS THAT LITTLE...

LITTLE TORTOISE-SHELL SOAP DISH OF YOURS?

MY WHAT?

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE SAY THAT-- THAT CERTAIN SMELLS

SEEM TO STIR UP OLD MEMORIES.

THAT'S THE WAY IT IS WITH THAT PRETTY LITTLE SOAP BOX

BECAUSE HE HAS KEPT IT ALL THIS TIME.

AND SOMETIMES I WOULD GO IN TO MAKE UP HIS BED,

AND I WOULD FIND IT UNDERNEATH HIS PILLOW...

LIKE HAVING YOU NEARBY, I GUESS.

WHEN YOU FRAME THOSE THINGS,

CAN YOU TAKE OUT THE THUMBTACK HOLES?

YEAH, SURE.

WHY?

WELL,

I DREW THIS CRAYON PICTURE OF A BOAT ON A LAKE,

AND IT WON FIRST PRIZE IN THE SECOND GRADE SCHOOL FAIR.

THEN MA WENT AHEAD AND PINNED IT UP IN MY ROOM.

I MEAN, SOMEDAY I WANT TO PUT IT IN A FRAME,

BUT I DON'T WANT THE HOLES TO SHOW,

LIKE IT WAS JUST TORE OUT OF A MAGAZINE.

AN ARTIST IN THE FAMILY, HUH?

IS MY DAD AS TALL AS YOU?

NOT QUITE, I GUESS.

DO I LOOK LIKE HIM?

MMM.

YES.

UNFORTUNATELY.

HEH HEH HEH.

I'LL NEVER FORGET ALL THOSE CLASSES

YOU TRAIPSED ME TO.

SQUAT EXERCISES.

BREATHING LESSONS.

LISTEN,

JUST BE GLAD YOU HAD THEM.

THE FIRST TIME I WAS PREGNANT,

THEY DIDN'T HAVE THAT KIND OF THING.

I WAS SO SCARED.

I REMEMBER LEAVING THE HOSPITAL WITH JESSE--

AND I STOPPED AND I SAID, "WAIT A MINUTE,

"ARE THEY GOING TO LET ME WALK OUT OF HERE WITH HIM?

I DON'T HAVE A LICENSE TO DO THIS."

IF YOU WANT TO DRIVE A CAR,

YOU NEED A DRIVER'S LICENSE.

IT'S A LOT EASIER TO DRIVE A CAR

THAN IT IS TO LIVE DAY AFTER DAY

WITH A HUSBAND

AND TRY TO RAISE A BRAND-NEW BABY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

HE STILL KEEPS THAT DUMB OLD SOAPBOX.

IF YOU WANT TO THROW A CURVE BALL,

GET YOUR FINGERS RIGHT ACROSS THOSE SEAMS.

WHEN YOU THROW IT,

IT COMES OUT LIKE THAT.

YOU DON'T WANT TO THROW A CURVE

BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO YOUNG.

THEY TAKE IT AND SNAP IT LIKE THAT.

DOES HE STILL LOOK THE SAME?

YEAH. PRETTY MUCH.

'COURSE, HE'S--

HE'S...KIND OF MORE GROWN-UP HANDSOME,

YOU MIGHT SAY.

SOMETIMES I THINK I SHOULD'VE JUST

FIRED OFF ANOTHER TELEGRAM.

ANOTHER TELEGRAM?

OH, YEAH.

I DON'T SUPPOSE HE TOLD YOU ABOUT THE TELEGRAM.

NO.

WELL,

WHEN HE DIDN'T NOTICE ME AT FIRST--

HE WAS JUST THIS BOY I WAS CRAZY ABOUT

AND HE WAS GETTING THIS BAND TOGETHER--

I SENT HIM A TELEGRAM.

"FIONA STUCKEY WOULD LIKE TO GO WITH YOU

TO DEEP CREEK LAKE."

I KNEW HE WAS GOING THERE WITH SOME FRIENDS.

GOSH, CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW CORNY?

IS THAT HOW THAT HAPPENED?

WELL, IT CERTAINLY MADE JESSE

SIT UP AND TAKE NOTICE.

I DON'T THINK IT WAS CORNY AT ALL.

IT GOT RESULTS.

SHOOT, THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES

WHEN I THINK I'LL JUST FIRE OFF ANOTHER TELEGRAM.

"JESSE," I'D SAY,

"I LOVE YOU STILL...

AND IT BEGINS TO SEEM I ALWAYS WILL."

OH...

FIONA...

I THINK THAT IS SIMPLY LOVELY.

MAYBE I SHOULD RIDE BACK DOWN WITH YOU.

YES!

WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA!

THEN, UH... MAYBE I SHOULDN'T.

OH, NO. GO WITH YOUR FIRST IMPULSE.

I SHOULDN'T DRINK IN THE DAYTIME.

IT MAKES MY HEAD SO MUZZY.

NO, IT IS A LOVELY IDEA.

WELL...

MOSTLY FOR LEROY, OF COURSE.

WE COULD...

TAKE THE BUS BACK TOMORROW.

SHE'S GOT TO BE IN SCHOOL MONDAY.

JESSE WOULDN'T HAVE TO KNOW.

NOT REALLY.

I MEAN...

YOU'RE LEROY'S GRANDPARENTS.

THAT'S THE POINT.

OH!

I AM SO PLEASED.

OH, WHAT A WONDERFUL SURPRISE.

WE HAD NO IDEA.

WE WERE JUST GOING TO STOP BY.

OH, FIONA.

I AM SO EXCITED!

OH!

OHH.

OH.

WHO'S THAT STRANGER, LEROY?

THIS IS MY GRANDFATHER.

MRS. STUCKEY.

OH, MR. MORAN. MY, MY.

YOU MUST BE LOST, HUH?

LET ME HELP YOU.

NO, NO.

YOU TWO JUST STAY PUT.

BELIEVE HALF OF WHAT HE SAYS

AND FORGET THE OTHER HALF,

YOU'LL COME OUT AHEAD, LEROY.

OH.

I WAS JUST TELLING FIONA

HOW NICE IT WAS WE WERE GOING TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOU.

ONE THING I DESPISE

IS THESE NEW-STYLE PLASTIC GROCERY BAGS

WITH THE HANDLES THAT CUT YOUR FINGERS IN HALF.

HOW ARE YOU?

ALSO THEY FALL OVER IN THE CAR.

I'M ALL RIGHT, I SUPPOSE.

WE JUST STOPPED BY FOR A SECOND.

WE'VE BEEN TO A FUNERAL OVER IN DEERLICK.

MMM.

MMM.

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TALK FIONA

INTO COMING HOME WITH US FOR A LITTLE VISIT.

FAT CHANCE OF THAT.

WELL, SHE THINKS SHE MIGHT DO IT.

ME AND LEROY MIGHT GO.

JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.

I'D SOONER SEE YOU LAYING IN YOUR CASKET.

MA!

THE WEEKEND'S HALF OVER.

WHERE'S THE HURT?

JESSE MORAN'D BE NOWHERES ABOUT, I SUPPOSE.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT JUST ONE SINGLE NIGHT.

YEAH, YEAH.

THAT'S ALL IT TOOK THE LAST TIME, AS I REMEMBER.

MA!

FIONA, USE YOUR HEAD.

I AM USING MY HEAD.

I'M TAKING LEROY TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER GRANDPARENTS.

NOT THOSE GRANDPARENTS.

THEY'RE VERY NICE PEOPLE.

LOOK WHAT THEY BROUGHT UP.

JESSE MAY HAVE CHANGED.

THE DAY JESSE MORAN CHANGES,

PIGS WILL FLY AND COWS WILL TALK.

[RING]

CHICK'S CYCLE SHOP.

[WHISPERING] MAY I SPEAK TO JESSE, PLEASE?

JESSE MORAN?

HOLD ON.

JESSE.

IT'S YOUR MOM.

MOM, WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M STANDING IN FIONA'S BEDROOM.

JESSE, DON'T HANG UP.

MA.

SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'D PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK MY ONLY SON

TO COME TO SUPPER TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO HIS SISTER

AND TO SEE HIS FLESH-AND-BLOOD DAUGHTER

FOR JUST A LITTLE OF HIS PRECIOUS TIME?

FIONA WOULD TAKE OFF IF I SHOW UP,

DRAGGING LEROY WITH HER.

THAT'S ALL YOU KNOW.

FIONA TOLD ME SHE HAS THOUGHT OF SENDING YOU

ANOTHER TELEGRAM.

I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST ONE,

WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT UNTIL TODAY.

AND SHE HAS BEEN COMPOSING ANOTHER ONE IN HER MIND

ALL THIS TIME,

AND IT'S GOING TO SAY,

"JESSE, I LOVE YOU STILL,

AND IT SEEMS I ALWAYS WILL."

NEVER GIVE UP, DO YOU?

YOU THINK I COULD MAKE THAT UP?

I'M REMEMBERING IT BECAUSE IT HAS SUCH A NICE RHYME.

LOOK, IF I SHOW UP,

WHAT TIME DO WE EAT?

UH, UH, 7:30.

JESSE, YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE GOING TO GO BACK WITH THAT BOY

AND GET SNAGGLED UP.

WHO SAID I'M GETTING ALL SNAGGLED AGAIN?

I'M JUST PAYING A WEEKEND VISIT.

HE'LL HAVE YOU RUNNING CIRCLES AROUND HIM,

SAME AS BEFORE.

I'M 25 YEARS OLD.

I'M NOT THAT SAME LITTLE SNIPPET

I USED TO BE.

LEROY, YOU BETTER GET IN HERE

AND TELL ME THE THINGS YOU WANT TO TAKE WITH YOU.

IF I WERE TRAVELING ALONE,

I'D MAKE DO WITH JUST A TOOTHBRUSH,

BUT ONCE YOU GOT A KID...

PAJAMAS, COMICS.

OH!

AND HER BASEBALL MITT.

SHE HAS TO HAVE HER BASEBALL MITT.

YOU NEVER KNOW

WHEN YOU MIGHT RUSTLE UP A GAME, SHE SAYS.

IT'S TRUE. YOU NEVER DO.

WHILE YOU WERE TALKING HER INTO IT

AND SNEAKING A LONG-DISTANCE CALL ON THEIR PHONE,

THERE'S ONE THING YOU SHOULD'VE REMEMBERED.

IRA, DON'T TRY TO SPOIL IT.

WE'RE DRIVING DAISY TO COLLEGE

BRIGHT AND EARLY TOMORROW MORNING.

OH, THAT.

OH, THAT.

GRANDMA!

SHOULD WE ASK YOUR MOTHER TO MOVE HER CAR?

I'D RATHER GO FOR ROOT CANAL

THAN ASK HER FOR A FAVOR

AT THIS GIVEN MOMENT.

NEVER FEAR. DRIVING IS IN MY GENES.

BYE.

ARE YOU SURE I SHOULDN'T ASK HER--

SIT.

YAY!

[IRA] ♪ OH, SHE'LL BE ♪

♪ COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES ♪

♪ SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN ♪

♪ WHEN SHE COMES ♪

♪ SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN ♪

♪ SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN ♪

♪ SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN ♪

♪ WHEN SHE COMES ♪♪

[LEROY] I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

MOM!

THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

LEROY, WE WILL STOP AT THE SUPERMARKET

AND GET SOMETHING FOR SUPPER.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

SHE'D LIVE ON HOT DOGS IF YOU LET HER.

YOUR FRIED CHICKEN IS NICE.

YOU REMEMBERED.

DO YOU LIKE FRIED CHICKEN?

SHE LOVES FRIED CHICKEN.

YOUR DADDY LOVES FRIED CHICKEN.

MAYBE IT'S INHERITED.

99% OF AMERICA LIKES FRIED CHICKEN.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

MA, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT IS HOW BAD IT IS.

WHY DIDN'T YOU GO BEFORE WE LEFT?

HOW COULD I?

WE TORE OUT OF THERE LIKE IT WAS A FIRE DRILL.

DON'T ADAPT THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME.

IT'S BEEN MY EXPERIENCE THAT THIS PARTICULAR PROBLEM

IS NEVER SOLVED BY DEBATE.

FIONA,

WE'RE DRIVING DAISY TO COLLEGE TOMORROW.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND IF YOU CATCH AN EARLY BUS.

IT'S NOT THAT EARLY. REALLY.

THIS WHOLE THING IS STUPID.

NO, IT IS NOT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

THIS WHOLE THING WAS A BIG INCONVENIENCE

FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED.

FIONA, IT IS NOT. I PROMISE YOU.

NOT AT ALL.

GET OUR STUFF OUT OF THE TRUNK.

NO. WE'LL CATCH THAT BUS.

HEY, HOLD UP.

TWO MORE FOR CARTWHEEL.

YOU HAD TO DO IT, DIDN'T YOU?

ALL I DID WAS MENTION REALITY.

YOU AND REALITY OUGHT TO GO STEADY.

FIONA, I DIDN'T MEAN YOU WEREN'T WELCOME.

COME ON, IRA. HURRY UP.

LEROY, GET YOUR BASEBALL MITT OFF THE BACKSEAT.

ALL I DID WAS GO TO THE BATHROOM.

OH, OF COURSE, HONEY.

LISTEN, FIONA,

I'VE GOT TO CONFESS SOMETHING.

WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD COME FOR A VISIT,

I WENT UPSTAIRS AND MADE A SNEAK PHONE CALL TO JESSE

ON YOUR BEDROOM PHONE.

YOU WHAT?

I KNOW IT WAS WRONG.

I'M SORRY, AND I'LL PAY FOR IT,

BUT HE PROMISED HE'D COME TO SUPPER.

BUT THAT ROOM'S SUCH A MESS.

I DON'T RECALL IF I MADE MY BED.

IT WAS NEAT AS A PIN.

WELL, WHAT DID HIS MAJESTY SAY?

HE SAID, UH...

HE SAID HE WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR ALL THE...

RICE IN TIMBUKTU.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE HIM.

HEY, LADY.

I'M DRIVING THIS BUS NORTH.

YOU WITH ME OR AGIN ME?

I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOUR TONE.

THEN YOU SURE AIN'T GONNA LIKE MY DRIVING.

I DON'T LIKE HIS TONE EITHER, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW.

[IRA] WELL, THAT MAKES FOUR OF US.

AND IT'S NOT A BASEBALL MITT.

IT'S A GLOVE.

I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF YOU WERE LISTENING.

MY DAD ISN'T GOING TO BE OFF DOING A CONCERT, IS HE?

LEROY,

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING--

IRA, LISTEN!

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO ON

AND HOP IN THE CAR

AND DRIVE, ALL RIGHT?

WE'RE LATE, ALL RIGHT?

WE HAVE TO GO TO THE MARKET.

ME AND MA LIKE DRUMSTICKS,

AND SOMETIMES ME AND MA EAT THIGHS,

BUT WE DON'T THINK WINGS ARE WORTH THE BOTHER.

IT'S NOT "ME AND MA."

REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU.

IT'S "MA AND ME."

[MAGGIE] LOOKS LIKE DAISY ISN'T HOME YET.

LEROY, THE TV SET IS BROKEN,

BUT WE HAVE A LOT OF YOUR DAD'S OLD RECORD COLLECTION.

O.K.

LOOKS LIKE HE AIN'T COMING, HUH?

IT'S EARLY.

YOUR FATHER DOESN'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD "EARLY"

IF I REMEMBER.

IF HE PROMISED HE'LL BE HERE, HE'LL BE HERE.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, GRANDPA?

OH, YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.

LIKE MONEY IN THE BANK.

I KNEW HE WASN'T COMING.

I COULD'VE TOLD YOU THAT BEFORE WE LEFT.

IT'S ONLY A FEW MINUTES AFTER 7:30.

YOU KNOW HOW JESSE IS ABOUT CLOCKS.

IT'S FUNNY HOW MUCH YOU FORGET.

WELL, HE ALWAYS OPENS THAT FRONT DOOR

WITH A BANG.

THAT I REMEMBER.

YOU SEE? AHA!

LEROY ASKED ME WHAT KIND OF MUSIC HER FATHER PLAYS--

NEW WAVE, PUNK, OR HEAVY METAL.

I THINK SHE WANTED TO IMPRESS HER FRIENDS.

I TOLD HER I HAVEN'T THE SLIGHTEST IDEA.

BY NOW IT COULD BE ANYTHING.

[MUSIC PLAYS]

WELL, I THINK SHE JUST FOUND OUT.

IRA, DID YOU FORGET WHAT IT WAS LIKE

TO HAVE A KID IN THE HOUSE?

YEAH. I THOUGHT A PLANE CRASHED INTO THE ROOF.

STILL MUSIC TO MY EARS.

I'LL TAKE YOUR BAGS UPSTAIRS.

OH, NO.

I'LL DO IT.

I SHOULD FRESHEN UP A LITTLE ANYWAY.

IS THE OLD ROOM WHERE IT ALWAYS WAS?

OH, YEAH.

IT'S STILL HOME SWEET HOME.

IRA.

HI.

HI.

YOU LEROY?

I'M YOUR DAD.

I JUST CAME BY FOR SUPPER.

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE POSING FOR A JEANS AD OR SOMETHING.

[MUSIC PLAYS]

YOU LISTEN TO THAT?

WELL...

YOU WANT SOME BETTER MUSIC THAN THAT.

THAT ALBUM'S JUST WAY TOO POPULAR WITH THE MASSES.

YEAH?

YEAH.

PLAY BALL OR GOT ONE COLD HAND?

I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST WOMAN MANAGER

OF A MAJOR LEAGUE TEAM.

WOULDN'T CARE TO BE ON IT.

DON'T KNOW IF YOU COULD MAKE IT.

JESSE!

OHH!

JESSE.

GRANDPA.

HIYA, FIONA.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO, JESSE.

LEROY'S GROWN A FOOT.

YOU CAN'T BLAME HER FOR THAT JUST 'CAUSE--

I WASN'T BLAMING ANYBODY.

OH, I KNOW.

I'M JUST A LITTLE SNAPPY TODAY.

IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

I WAS UPSTAIRS HUNTING MY SOAPBOX.

SOAPBOX?

OH!

YOU REMEMBER HER SOAPBOX.

I--

I CAN'T SAY AS I DO.

YOU--YOU KEPT IT WHEN SHE LEFT.

I SAW YOU WITH IT.

IT WAS A LITTLE SOAPBOX.

IT HAD SOAP IN IT.

THAT KIND YOU CAN SEE THROUGH. REMEMBER THAT?

SURE.

YOUR MOTHER SAID YOU KEPT IT.

YOU KEPT IT IN THAT OLD TREASURE DRAWER

'CAUSE IT REMINDED YOU OF ME.

IT SMELLED LIKE ME.

SHE SAID YOU CLOSED YOUR EYES

AND HELD IT TO YOUR NOSE.

MOM...

YOU SAID I SNIFFED SOAPBOXES?

WELL, I--NO-- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, SOME KIND OF LOSER?

DO YOU THINK I'D COME ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE

LIKE AN ORDINARY GROUPIE

IF YOUR MOTHER HADN'T TOLD ME THAT?

SHE SAID YOU WOULDN'T LET CRYSTAL PACK IT.

I JUST-- MOM!

HOLD IT! HOLD IT!

JUST WAIT A MINUTE.

LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT.

JUST LEAVE MAGGIE OUT OF THIS.

MAGGIE ONLY WANTS THE BEST FOR BOTH OF YOU.

SO SHE MADE UP SOME STORY ABOUT A SOAPBOX.

SO WHAT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS CLEVER.

TROUBLE IS, IT'S JUST WASTED

ON THE TWO OF YOU.

MAGGIE JUST BELIEVES THAT...

THE PEOPLE SHE LOVES ARE BETTER THAN THEY ARE,

AND IF THAT'S A FAULT, IT'S YOURS,

NOT HERS.

THE TRUTH IS,

JESSE HAS HIS OWN APARTMENT NOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S SLEEPING WITH,

BUT I'M SURE IT ISN'T ANY SOAPBOX.

YOU HAD TO SPOIL THINGS.

OH, MAGGIE, IT'S THE SIMPLE TRUTH

THAT SPOILED THINGS.

CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?

AM I WRONG, JESSE?

IF I AM, TELL ME.

YOU JUST DUCKED IN HERE OUT OF CURIOSITY.

AFTER SUPPER, YOU'LL DUCK OUT JUST AS FAST

BEFORE YOUR MOTORCYCLE EVEN COOLS OFF.

YOU DON'T KEEP GIRLFRIENDS

ANY LONGER THAN YOU KEEP JOBS.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOUR GIRL TURNS OUT TO BE A BIMBO

AND YOUR BOSSES, BY SOME MAGICAL COINCIDENCE,

TURN OUT TO BE JERKS.

I WON'T BE A PARTY

TO YOUR BRINGING YOUR EX-WIFE AND DAUGHTER DOWN HERE

UNDER FALSE PRETENSES.

IF THERE WAS EVER A TIME I WISHED I WAS WRONG...

IF I'M WRONG, JESSE, TELL ME.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT. WE'D ALL LOVE TO HEAR IT.

OH, YOU, JE--

JE--

OH.

JESSE'S JUST UPSET, HONEY.

OH, JUST STOP IT!

BOTH OF YOU.

I'M TIRED TO DEATH OF JESSE MORAN,

AND I'M TIRED OF THE TWO OF YOU.

THE SAME DUMB ARGUMENTS AND BICKERING.

IRA ALWAYS SO RIGHTEOUS

AND MAGGIE ALWAYS TRYING TO PATCH, PATCH, PATCH

SOMETHING THAT'S BEYOND FIXING.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG?

WE'RE ALL JUST TIRED AND HUNGRY.

WE'LL ALL FEEL BETTER

AFTER WE'VE HAD SOMETHING TO EAT.

JESSE WILL BE BACK.

I PROMISE.

YOU'LL SEE.

EVERYTHING'S READY BACK THERE.

I'LL JUST GO AND MAKE SURE IT ISN'T BURNING.

LEROY!

HONEY, WHAT KIND OF VEGETABLES DO YOU WANT,

PEAS OR BEANS?

LEROY?

YOO-HOO!

LEROY?

FIONA?

FIONA, LEROY, ARE YOU UP THERE?

WHAT KIND OF VEGETABLES DO YOU WANT?

ARE THEY THERE?

THERE'S NOBODY UP HERE.

LOOK OUT ON THE PORCH.

OH.

YOU TWO,

YOU OUT HERE?

THEY'VE GONE, MAGGIE.

THEY CAN'T BE.

THEIR LUGGAGE IS STILL HERE.

NO, HONEY, THEY'RE ON FOOT.

IT WAS TOO HEAVY TO CARRY.

BUT--NO... ON FOOT.

FIONA'S SISTER LIVES OVER NEAR BROADWAY.

MAGGIE, NO.

YES, I BET--

FIONA!

LEROY!

FIONA!

LEROY!

LEROY!

MAGGIE, HONEY.

AH...

AH...

LET'S GO HOME.

WHAT?

LET'S GO HOME IN CASE THEY COME BACK.

THEY WON'T COME BACK.

HONEY, YOU WANT SOME FROZEN YOGURT?

NO, THANKS.

ALL YOU HAD FOR DINNER WAS JUST A DRUMSTICK.

I'M NOT HUNGRY.

WHERE ARE ALL YOUR TEDDY BEARS?

IN THE BIG SUITCASE.

I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO TAKE THEM WITH YOU.

I CHANGED MY MIND.

WELL, IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, LET ME KNOW.

THANKS, MOM.

CARE FOR SOME FROZEN YOGURT?

MMM, NO, THANKS.

GUESS I SHOULDN'T EITHER.

BUT...

TRAVEL IS SUCH A STRAIN.

I FEEL AS THOUGH I'VE BURNED OFF

ABOUT A MILLION CALORIES

JUST SITTING IN THAT CAR.

LEROY REALLY TOOK TO YOU, DIDN'T SHE?

I PROMISED I'D FRAME HER SECOND GRADE

PRIZE-WINNING CRAYON DRAWING

AND TAKE THE THUMBTACK HOLES OUT OF THE CORNERS.

CAN YOU DO THAT?

I'M FAMOUS FOR IT.

I DON'T KNOW THAT SHE'LL BE

ALL THAT GLAD TO SEE US AGAIN.

OH, I THINK SHE'LL BE EXPECTING US.

SHE FORGOT HER BASEBALL GLOVE.

NOT REALLY.

SHE LEFT IT ON THE STEERING WHEEL OF THE CAR

SO WE COULDN'T MISS IT.

OH.

THAT LITTLE DEVIL.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE HER?

NOW BE HONEST.

I LOVE HER GRANDMA.

DOES THAT COUNT?

WASN'T CARTWHEEL DINKY?

HMM.

I FORGOT HOW DINKY.

I'LL BET THEIR SCHOOL IS DINKY, TOO.

DO YOU SUPPOSE THE CARTWHEEL SCHOOL

OFFERS A GOOD EDUCATION?

I REALLY COULDN'T SAY.

WELL, I CAN. I BET IT'S AT LEAST A YEAR

BEHIND THE BALTIMORE SCHOOLS. MAYBE TWO.

THE BALTIMORE SCHOOLS ARE REALLY SUPERB.

WELL, THEY'RE CERTAINLY BETTER THAN CARTWHEEL'S.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO?

WE COULD WRITE TO FIONA

AND ASK HER IF SHE'S GIVEN ANY THOUGHT

TO LEROY'S EDUCATION.

THEN WE COULD SUGGEST

THAT WE ENROLL HER INTO THE BALTIMORE SCHOOLS

AND SHE COULD COME AND STAY WITH US.

NO.

NO.

SOMETIMES I WONDER WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO

WITH THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

WE'VE MANAGED FOR 29 YEARS.

WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

HMM.

OH.

OH.

AH, WHAT-- OH, HERE.

HA HA.

RIGHT?

MM-HMM.

THIS IS PRETTY GOOD.

MMM.

AHA!

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