Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Ooh.

- Perfect. - What're you talking about?

You didn't get anything in?

I'm talking about the way you hold me. Ahh!

Why don't you teach me some trick shots?

- Stop. - Come on, teach me..

Boy, you crazy.

Hey, Charmaine, you got any, uh, tips for me?

Yeah, eat a salad once in a while.

[laughing]

Charmaine, if we gotta catch this plane we gotta hurry up.

[mimicking Speedy Gonzales] Andale! Epa! Epa! Epa!

A plane?

Sounds like he's getting serious to me.

Could this be the future Mrs. Williams?

Hmm, only if she marryin' Billy Dee.

I ain't thinking about marriage, kid.

That's far away. Alright, I gotta go.

Alright, kid! Alright!

- What a sweet girl, man. - Yeah.

It's nice to see Marlon with someone like that.

Yup.

Five bucks that says it won't last a week.

- I'll cover that. - Yeah, I'll take that.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys.'

'Dynamite, that's..'

[instrumental music]

- Yeah, ha ha! - Oh, man!

That's the winning shot, boy!

- You owe me 20 bucks, Shawn. - Alright, alright.

I gotta get some money out of the ATM machine first.

That was funny, man.

You! That's my seat.

Come on, baby.

Yo, man, who's that?

That's Shank!

Oh, he's a bad mamma-jamma.

He's been in and out of prison since the '70s.

He once served time for burning down his own school.

Hoo, that's pretty bad.

Yeah...he was only in kindergarten.

I gave him the matches.

I wonder if he still remembers me.

Shay-Shank!

My posse! Wassup, my brother!

Say, gimme five on the black hand side.

Come on.

[gibberish]

What's happening, brotha?

Y-you remember me?

How can I forget that breath?

Right.

I did not mean to offend you, Shank.

I'll go brush my teeth right now.

Man, we've been tryin' to get him to do--

Who got next?

I do.

I really would love to play on my favorite pool table.

Well, I guess you would really like

to wait your turn, partner!

Part-ner! Ha ha.

Oh, really?

Uh-uh-uh, on-on second thought

I-I'll get the rack.

- Gimme that stick, boy. - Oh, yes, sir, Mr. Shank.

Chalked it up and everything.

Come on, tenderloin, put your money up.

What money? What're you talking about?

Sweet thing, you look like a gambling man.

I bet you a $100

I can knock in every ball..

...with one shot.

Oh, man, I'll put $200 on that. Hold on a second.

Yeah, boy, lemme see.

One, two, three

four, five..

...six.

It's all there. Trust me.

Right.

I won.

Yes! Yes! He-he won!

Won?

Oh, no, no, brother. You didn't win, I-I won.

Y-you didn't knock any ball--

Girls!

You see any balls on this table?

- No. - No.

- Yo, Grape Ape! - Huh?

You see any balls on this table?

Where? I don't see nothin'.

Come on, babies..

...let's go get a facial.

- Facial? - Shut up..

Now, where's a brother that dark gonna get a facial? Jiffy Lube?

You mean an oil change.

Brother look like Nesley Snipes.

Brother's so dark, he look like a struck match.

Oh, man, you what, you know, I-I..

Urgh, man, I'm mad at myself.

I should've-I should've punched him right in the face, man.

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah, I'd put my foot so far up in his..

We gotta catch him from the--

You know when Michael Jackson do that kick?

Up in his.

I put my foot so far up in his..

I put my foot so...far..

You forgot to give me 20 more dollars.

It's right there.

Yes, Mr. Shank.

[instrumental music]

Thank you.

So anyway, pop. Shank crushed one of my balls.

We still talking about pool, right?

You know what else he did? He cheated me out of $200.

And he had these two big buff girls

trying to intimidate me.

You gotta stop being a punk.

See, when you pretty like us

you always gotta deal with those player haters.

Learn to stand your ground. I don't take no stuff.

Come on, pop. Ma punks you all the time.

Hey, pop!

I wanna introduce you to my new girlfriend.

Charmaine, that'spapito.

- Hey, Pops. - Hey.

Marlon has told me so much about you.

You're wrong, Marlon, he doesn't look like a frog.

She's so cute. Mwah!

Well, let me be the first to say, you're the prettiest woman

Marlon has brought home.

He's not holding you against your will, is he?

- No. - No, pop, not this one.

This one is serious. I met her in acting class.

She thought I had skills.

- She liked my acting too. - Stop it.

- You know I got skills, girl. - Stop.

It's a pleasure meeting you, Charmaine.

- You too. - Hey, hey, ah..

Uh, uh, pop, pop. Please..

...don't squeeze the Charmaine, brother.

Uh-oh, there he is, Marlon.

Come here, don't look over there.

Don't make eye contact. Look straight.

(Charmaine) Hey, what're you doing here?

Hey, Charmaine. Hmm.

Hey, what you doing slobbing on my girl?

No, this is my brother Oliver.

Oh, slob on.

I told you in the street my name is Shank.

- Will you stop with that? - Shank!

It's Oliver.

You mean to tell me that Nat King Charcoal

is her brother?

Yeah.

She told me he's pretty cool.

He ain't cool. He's a crook.

I heard he's been on "Cops" so many times

he's up for an Emmy.

Shank, this is Marlon.

Hey, wassup, baby? How you feeling?

- Wassup, Mar-- - Word up, baby.

[indistinct]

How you feeling, baby?

So you dating my sister, huh, Marlon?

You damn skippy, black in the hat.

It's a damn skippy, huh? Damn skippy.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Damn skippy.

I hope you treatin' her well.

Well, actually, she's treating me.

I ain't got no money.

He's alright by me. I like Marlon.

You know what? I'm gonna do something for you. Here.

Go a hundred dollars, my brother.

You monsters have a good time tonight.

- Thank you. - She's my baby, now.

Hey, thank you.

Appreciate it, man. Thanks.

Wow, Shawn never give me money like this.

You're cool brother.

So you're a little paper-boy, huh?

A businessman like yourself can use some added protection.

All this news spread around here

is real combustible, my brother.

Are you trying to muscle me?

No, man, no.

I just want 20% of all receipts.

And, uh..

...one of these super combs right here.

Look here, brother. This ain't the pool hall.

You get broken in half messing with me.

Ooh! You little feisty, huh?

Dawn and Tracey..

...go around there and close the deal.

Come on, Tonya Harding, I'll break both of your knees.

Hey, hey, hey.

[whimpering]

Pops!

Cuckoo!

What's going on here?

Somebody sat trippin' up in here?

Huh? You sat trippin'?

Westsi-i-ide!

Thanks for trying, pop. Told you she was strong.

Sure is.

But if I was 20 years younger..

You'd still get your behind kicked.

I just can't believe you let that man

punk you out of 20% of your business.

Hey, Pops.

Thank you for the free lunch, man.

No problem, Mr. Shank, sir.

See, I'm nice to him, that's why he only take 15%.

Hey, Pops, what happened?

Dee, you the man we've been looking for.

- I mean woman. - Hey, Dee.

See that guy over there? No!

- That's Shank. - Uh-huh.

And-and he-he just got out of jail

and he's been trying to muscle his way in our business.

He had his women beat us up.

- His women? - Yes.

It must've been 10 of 'em or 20.

- Hit me upside of my head. - Uh-uh.

I'm not gonna let that go down in this building.

Excuse me!

I hear you've been putting the squeeze

on some of the tenants in this building?

Baby girl, I'd love to put the squeeze on you.

You'd better stop that.

No, no, no, I mean it.

Everybody can't wear polyester like us.

Look at you.

You're tall, thick.

- Voluptuous. - Mm-hmm.

Hmm, my dream woman.

[laughing]

So, uh, what you wanna talk to me about, babe?

I don't know, I guess it wasn't that important.

- I'm keepin' my eye on you. - Is that right?

- Likewise. - Alright.

Alright.

Thanks a lot, Dee. I know we can always count on you.

Hey, peoples!

Tell you what. Come here. "Hey, peoples!" Come over here.

- What's happening? - You know what's happening?

Your friend Shank is putting the muscle

on Shawn and I for a piece of our business.

- Shank is muscling you? - Marlon! Shut up.

What?

Come on, man. Y'all trippin'.

My big homie Shank? Man, y'all trippin'.

Shank ain't like that, I'll prove it.

- Hey, yo, Shank. - Hey, Marlon, man.

- What's happening, man? - Tell me, man.

- Good, good. - Alright.

Hey, man, my brother and my father say

you trying to muscle in on their business.

No, man, no, no.

Look, I tried to share some business advice with them.

And sometimes, I might come on a little bit too strong.

I apologize for that, fellas.

See? Now, that's what I thought.

You know, a brother do a little bit of time

people don't wanna get up off his back!

Marlon, you did some time?

Hell, yeah! Detention, fool!

P.S. 193!

- Let me talk to you, Marlon. - No problem, baby.

Oh, Marlon, Marlon.

You know what?

Charmaine got in kinda late last night.

What?

Eight o'clock this morning to be exact.

Get thehuh

Thehuh

You know what, man, um..

...I thought you were all just gonna play Monopoly.

Oh, yeah, we did.

You know what happened? She landed on my property.

She had no funds to pay me, so you know

we had to work a little somethin', somethin' now.

Little somethin', somethin'. Little somethin', somethin'.

[laughing]

Come on, Marlon, you can tell me, man.

Come on, you tell me.

I was young once. Come on, tell me, man.

Huh, did you a.. Eh?

Eh? Did youuh-huh?

- Yeah,uh-huh. - Yeah, youuh-huh.

Yeah, I tapped it.

Boy, I broke her off!

[laughing]

Wo-oo!

I had her all up on [indistinct], boy.

We were standing up.

Wo-oo!

Ho-oo!

Hoo..

You-you ain't mad, are you?

- No, Marl, I ain't mad. - Oh, man. Phew.

How can I be mad at my future brother-in-law?

Brother-in-law?

[mimicking Arnold Jackson] "Wha'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

I'm talking about your wedding..

...to my sister.

- Y'all getting married. - But..

[instrumental music]

(Marlon) Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to touch your shaft jacket.

Urgh.

What exactly did you mean by getting married to your sister?

She was pure when you met her.

You didn't think you just gonna hit it and quit it, did ya?

Yeah.

Look here, man, you getting married..

...to my sister.

You gonna be a good husband.

And you gonna provide for my sister.

And you gonna give me some nieces and nephews.

Yeah, well, we'll just see what your sister

gotta say about all this.

Hold up. Let me tell you something right now.

My sister know nothin' about the arrangement

between you and I.

As far as she's concerned

you gonna marry her because you love her.

Yeah, well, what if I tell you

I don't feel like doing it?

What you gonna do then? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? Wh-wh-what?

Let me tell you somethin'.

I'm not just gonna hurt you, Marlon..

...I'm gonna take your brother down.

And your cock-eyed daddy.

You understand me?

- Huh? - Hey, guys!

Hey, baby girl.

- How you doing? - Good. Mm.

I'm just sitting here talking to your fiance.

- Fiance? - That's right.

Marlon just asked me for your hand in marriage.

Didn't you, Marlon?

Um...yeah.

- Yeah, I did. - Really?

- Yeah. - Marlon, this is so sudden.

I know, it's..

...your brother just..

...helped me to realize how much I really love you.

Well, I always imagined when someone proposed

that they'd do it on one knee.

You hear that, Marlon?

She wants you to get down on one knee.

Oh, you know, I got bad knees like O.J.

She wants you to get down..

Then again, when love's in the air

you know, who cares about bad knees.

Ah, you know what? I don't have a ring!

- Well, wedding's off! - Don't worry about it, Marlon.

Don't worry about it.

Use one of mine.

Charmaine, will you..

Yes! Yes!

[instrumental music]

Excuse me and move. Thank you.

Where you been, Marl?

Shank took me shopping for my tux

at the Polyester Palace.

Oh, now that's my place.

Buy one of those $45 suits you get a free white belt.

I know.

Now, son, listen to me.

I don't care how big of a bully he is

you don't have to go through with all this.

Pop, Shank said if I don't marry Charmaine

he's gonna burn down the diner and the newsstand

and put both of y'all in the hospital.

Well, congratulations.

[organ music]

- 'No!' - Come on, man.

- I don't want to! - Stop it, man.

[sobbing]

Look at yourself, man.

How do I look?

You look like a well-dressed booger.

Feel like I just escaped from the '70s

Look on the bright side, Marlon looks radiant.

Marlon!

That Shank is a low down dirty dog.

But I can say one thing, the boy sure know

how to wrap a pig in a blanket.

[music continues]

They let anybody wear white nowadays, huh?

Let's get this started.

I told my wife, I was just

running down to the liquor store.

[cell phone beeping]

Ah, that's her now.

Uh, mama gots to have her gin and juice.

Get on with the ceremony, Orange Fox.

Alright, let's cut to the chase.

Is there any reason why..

...these two should not be hooked up?

Say it now..

...or we don't want to hear about it later.

[coughing]

Yes. Yes, pop.

I knew you wouldn't let me down, baby. I knew it!

Cocktail weenie got stuck in my throat.

Mighty tasty though, Mr. Shank, sir.

Alright, if there are no more interruptions..

Oh.

...by the power..

...invested in me..

Wait a minute.

Marlon, you don't have to marry anybody you don't wanna marry.

- Yeah! - What you think you doing, boy?

Something I should have done a long time ago.

I'm sticking up for my little brother.

- Oh. - Yeah!

Is that right, big man?

Simone, lock the door, hand me my razor.

[screaming] Shawn, he's gonna kill you!

Wait! Wait! What is going on here?

I'm tired of running.

That's exactly what he wants us to do.

Look, Marlon, I always had your back all my life, kid.

Besides, nobody bosses you around.

- Except me. - Yeah!

Well, if that's the way you feel..

...I just have to cut you.

- Wassup! - 'No. Uh-huh.'

Wait, wait a minute, you cut him

you gonna have to cut me too.

Everybody, now, just hold it.

Nobody gonna cut nobody as long as I'm here, okay?

Now, Shoog Midnight.

You ain't gonna bully my brother into marrying your sister

no matter what you threaten us with.

Is that right?

Marlon, you're just marrying me

because you're scared of my brother?

No, I'm marrying you because..

...I love you so much.

Come on, kid, we got your back.

Alright, alright.

Look, Charmaine, I like you..

...I don't wanna marry you.

Oliver Bartholomew Jackson

I can't believe you did this to me.

Girl, who you think you talking to like that, woman?

You don't talk to me like that. I'm Shank!

Nobody talks to me like that!

Boy, please, you still wet the bed.

- I knew it. I knew it! - I don't know what it was.

I got a bladder problem. I got a bladder problem.

I got a bladder problem. I got a bladder problem.

You know, you have been running my life

ever since I was a kid and I'm tired of it.

Hey! I'm protecting your honor.

How can forcing someone to marry me be protecting me?

This is all wrong. I'm not marrying Marlon.

And you're not gonna do anything about it.

In fact, I'm telling mama you got a knife.

Why you gotta go tell mama?

You know she got high blood pressure

she shouldn't be bothered with this mess.

Oh, no!

Oh, no. You Shank!

Come on.

- Marlon, I'm sorry. - It's okay.

- Boy, you better move. - You gonna be tellin' mama?

- Move. - 'She got high BP..'

- Where's my sugar, girl? - Boy, you crazy.

Get on, girl.

Hey, kid. Good looking out, baby.

- You know I represent. - Appreciate that.

I was just about to hurt him too.

Now, let me do my part.

Marlon, I give you $20 for that suit.

Oh, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa! $20!

Umph, hmm. I give you $22.50 just for the pants.

- $23. - $23.50.

[speaking rapidly like an auctioneer]

- $24. - Wait, wait. Wait a minute.

Did I hear something from Chris Rock over here?

You're a genius, man.

Come on, man.

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon. Say cheese!