Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Yo, Dee, check out this book that I just got in.

Suki Slim's "How To Get Into A woman's Heart And Her wallet."

You think people actually read this stuff?

[scoffs] I've read all those books.

"How To Get A Man." "How To Keep A Man."

"How To Treat A Man."

They don't work.

It's easier if you stand outside a prison

with a pizza box and cab fare.

Oh, my God. Listen to these pick-up lines, Dee.

"Girl, if I can rearrange the alphabet

I'd put U and I together."

Please, I-I would never fall for that one...again.

Wait, wait, here's a good one.

"I'm sorry, but do you have a quarter?"

I'm afraid not.

Oh, that's too bad.

'Cause, uh, my mama said to give her a call

when I fell in love.

Aww, that is so sweet.

[coughs]

It is?

Yeah, it is.

That's what it's meant to be, sweet, girl. Just like you.

Well, listen, I gotta get ready

to go to work, but you know what?

Here's my card.

Why don't you give me a call, okay?

Hell, most definitely.

Now don't walk like that, girl.

Suki ain't tellin' me what to do when you do that.

I can't believe she fell for that tired line.

Neither can I.

Alright, I got some readin' to do, girl.

- Hey, peoples. - 'Hey.'

What the deal is? Hey, I got a good news.

- You got your half of the rent? - What you smokin'?

Pop, remember that audition I went up for today?

- Yeah. - I booked it.

- Oh-h-h! - I got it.

I got my first commercial, baby.

It's for that new malt liquor, Job.

Congratulations.

- And you know that. - You know.

- I'm really proud of you, son. - Thanks, pop.

- How much you makin'? - Five hundred dollars.

Plus all the malt liquor I can drink.

All the malt liquor you can drink?

Mm-mm. Can your family get to taste too?

No, pop. Sorry.

But, eh, pop, this commercial's going to be large.

They're gonna show it on BET, "Soul Train"

and get this, on reruns of "That's My Mama."

Ooh! That Mabel King was fine.

I meanfine.

Come on, let me fix my favorite son some lunch.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, pop..

I thought I was your favorite son.

Well, Shawn, you're just a little newsboy.

Marlon is a celebrity.

The door, please.

Uh, you won't get to taste, brother.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite. That is..'

[upbeat music]

Alright, pops, I got everything.

That's good, son.

Shawn, what are those pliers for?

It's a ghetto remote.

Well, would you hurry up, please?

Y'all gonna miss my commercial.

- Fix it. - Stupid.

♪ Oo-o-o ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪

♪ Oo-o-o ooh ♪♪

Man, you've been trying to hit that note all day.

I know, it's just that my throat is so dry.

You know, kid, we ain't gonna never

get a record deal soundin' like this.

Record deal? Y'all need to get some jobs.

You know what, fellas? She's right.

♪ Do-da-do-da-do-ra-ru ♪

♪ Ru-da-do-da-pap ♪

♪ Do-da-do ♪

♪ Do-da-do ♪

♪ Bap-bap-do-da-do ♪

♪ Bap-bap-do-da-do ♪

♪ Dap-da.. ♪

♪ Now that we got Jobs ♪

♪ Things are the way they're supposed to be ♪

♪ Job Malt Liquor ♪

♪ That's our brand ♪

♪ Get it in a 40 ounce quarter can ♪

♪ Aa-a-ah ♪

♪ Hoo-hoo-oo ♪♪

I can't believe it. Th-that's my boy on television.

Yeah, that's all our community needs.

A new malt liquor commercial.

Ah, hush up, Dee, you're just mad

'cause Billy Dee Williams wasn't in it.

- Thought it was fab, baby boy. - Oh, thank you, brah.

- Proud of you. - Appreciate that.

- Hello-- - 'When you make lot of money.'

- I'm buying you-- - When you make a lot of money..

- I want a ticket to.. - I'm buying you..

Excuse me.

What it is, homeboys and hood rats?

Yo, who let Rush Limbaugh up in here?

- Hey, what's up, Tom? - Hey.

Hey, guys, this is Tom

the ad executive from Job.

- What you doin' up around here? - Oh, I got some good news.

Of course, corporate wouldn't risk sendin' me down

to thehood

'Uh, look, the testing on your commercial'

has been so great

we want you to be our official Job spokesman.

Oh, get the, huh, out of here!

For real? You mean, I got a job sellin' Job?

- Oh, yeah. - Gimme some of that.

- Hey! - Whoa, hold up.

That's cool..

Appreciate that.

Thanks, man.

Now all I need is to see your John Hancock.

That a little freaky, but okay.

[indistinct shouting]

Marlon! Hey..

I just need to see your signature.

- Signature. - Oh, wrong Hancock.

I thought you meant the herbie.

Hey, hey, hey, don't sign anything

until you get a lawyer to look that over.

That's right. Find out how much you gettin'paid

Well, that would be right here.

- Ooh! - Damn!

Sign that, son, hurry, before they take

that comma out of there.

[instrumental music]

Shawn, what's wrong?

You hardly said a word all night.

I'm sorry, I just..

I'm not used to having female company..

...ever since she left.

Aww, you poor thing.

You wanna talk about it?

No.

[sniffles]

I remember she was crazy about New Edition.

I was in "Popcorn Love" with that "Candy Girl."

But I guess she couldn't "Stand The Rain."

[sobbing] And now, I'm so-o-rry!

I remember I bought her some tickets

for their concert.

To make a long story short..

...when they left town..

[sobbing] ...so did she.

That tramp! Which one did she leave with?

Ronnie, Johnny, Ricky, and Mike.

Mama was right.

You can't trust a big butt and a smile.

That girl was "Poison."

Oh, Shawn. You poor thing.

Look, I'm gonna get you somethin' to drink, okay?

- I-I'm.. - Okay, go and get it, girl.

With ice. With ice, girl.

Ah, he he he.

Howdy-do?

I can't believe that girl is still goin' for your mess.

Hey, girl, she's on the Suki spell.

- Chop-chop-chop. - 'Ugh!'

He he he.

- Hey, people, what's poppin'? - Hey. Alright.

Got a little somethin' for everybody. Here you go!

Here you go. Alright, sister.

Here, brother, cover up that hairline. It's gold.

Yo, kid.

You look like you just robbed Barneys.

No, brother. I'm just bearin' the fruit of my loons.

Kid, they ordered three more Job commercials today.

To celebrate, I got everybody a little bit of gifts.

That's for you, brah.

Too much weight!

This is the nicest gift I ever had, man.

I know, baby. I know.

You're only 11 months behind now, kid.

And, pop, this is for you.

He never had none before.

A Harold Melvin and The Blue Notes jacket!

You know how many tons of Kools I gotta buy

to get me one of these jackets? Oh, son, I love you, son.

I love you too.

And it's now, everybody, the moment we all been waiting for.

My newest Job commercial.

- Alright. - Come on!

Come on, everybody, gather around.

Sit around. Y'all sit around.

Yo, kid, you're gonna be bringin' in the Macalena dance.

He he he.

I'm sorry, Mr. Jackson. There just isn't any work!

What'd you mean there's no work, lady?

Look, I need a job!

[rumbling]

Somebody say they need a job?

'I'm in!'

Oh! Whoa!

Ow! Ow!

Yo, I'm back and I'm kissin' myself.

Here you go, brother!

Ha! There you go, brother.

Here you go, sister. You can take one for the baby!

There you go, brother.

I got Job for everybody! Ha ha ha.

What do you mean, there ain't no job?

[shattering]

Witch! Y'all know what I mean!

(male #2) Job, for brothers who know

life isn't just about work.

At your local liquor store.

Looks like someone's paging me

in the ghetto! Gotta go!

What y'all think, everybody?

Hey, hold on! Where's everybody goin'?

Dee, what, you didn't like the comm..

Dee. Wait.

Oh, come on, Dee, what..

Hey, what's wrong with everybody?

Why'd they leave?

Because they were offended.

Son, they're makin' a fool out of you.

Oh, pop, you're just old school.

- Shawn, what do you think? - Huh?

- What do you think? - Oh, uh, hey..

Well, you know, brah, I mean, you know..

At least there wasn't you know, like, fried chicken or pimps.

Hell, kid. I came in front.

I was offended.

- Offen.. - Look, look, look.

I know I raised you guys better than this.

I taught you never to let anybody take advantage of you.

Son, they are taking advantage of you.

Oh, come on, pop. Look.

I worked too hard to get where I'm at, alright?

Alright, so I got a little lucky.

But look, pop, this is acting.

This is called paying dues, man. Everybody does this.

Shoot! People of my class would've killed for this chance.

Jimmy Walker would have killed for this chance.

Or any chance for that matter.

I know he tired of that damn pizza commercial.

Look, I-I'm sorry, y'all. I'm..

I ain't givin' this up for anybody. Sorry.

Well, if that's the way you feel..

...I don't want no parts of this.

Pop, come on, man. You're being ridiculous.

Pop? Pop, come on, man!

What about you? You feel the same way?

Yeah, kid.

But you ain't gettin' your rent back.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

- Hey, Shawn. - 'Girl, look at you.'

Looking like a glass of wine.

You better come over here and give me a sip.

You know I really needed to hear something like that

after the day I've been having.

What? You been having a bad day?

- Mm-hmm. - Come here, girl.

Come, sit down. Come on.

- Come, sit down. - Oh, Shawn!

Tell me all about it. Kick your shoes off.

Relax, get undressed.

Just jokin'.

Tell me all about your day 'cause I know how important

it is to have someone listen

Oh, Shawn. You are so sweet.

Oh, it feel so good, you're so understandin'!

Mmm. Mm-mm.

I tell you, if my baby's daddy weren't so crazy

I'd make you my man!

Your baby daddy?

Uh-huh, and to think

I just got his name tattooed across my stomach.

See, he think he all tough, just because he done spent

five years in the pen for killin' my last boyfriend.

- He killed your last boyfriend? - Yeah.

But I know you ain't work 'cause see, you ain't no sissy!

Is you?

[imitating a girl] You know, Simone, huh?

You know what, girl, I can relate to you

'cause you need to see my man is in the pen too. Mm-hmm.

Bubba ain't called me neither.

You, you, you know what, I-I-I had a feeling about you.

It's, it's always them pretty ones.

Isn't it?

But don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful...fish.

[instrumental music]

Hey, hey, what's up, pops?

Boy, it's really crowded in here today, huh?

I bet it wouldn't be this crowded if they knew

what you really put in your chili.

Wheew!

Come on, pop. You still mad at me?

You still sellin' that beer?

Eh, pop, I got great news.

I'm doin' a live commercial, live from the poolhall today.

Doin' a Knicks and Lakers game.

And guess what..

I guess I won't be watchin' that game.

Come on, pop. Why are you acting like that, man?

[imitating a girl] Okay, girl! Work it! Work it! Work it, girl.

Don't even ask.

And I only thought I had Marlon to worry about.

Eh, Shawnice.

Let me ask you a question.

You think me doin' these commercials is wrong?

You're the one that gotta look yourself

in the mirror every morning, kid.

Don't matter what I think.

Exactly! I ain't hurtin' nobody. Shoot!

I don't know why y'all trippin' off these commercials.

Either they're gonna drink it or they ain't.

I ain't nobody's role model. Shoot!

Eh, yo, G.

Eh, aren't you the Job man?

- Yeah, that's me! - Man!

Me and my homies, we've been buggin' off

your commercials every day.

(kid #1) 'Hey, let me get your autograph.'

- Oh, no problem, man. - Yeah.

Say something from the commercial.

Stay in school!

Why? You don't need school to get a...J-O-B.

Thank you, my brother.

I'll take your leave.

Ha!

I think you got something to do.

Yeah, you're right. Come on, let's go talk to Tom.

[upbeat music]

Hey, kid.

Thanks for coming down here with me, man.

- I appreciate it. - Oh, no sweat, baby boy.

You know I always got your back!

Hey, hey, hey!

The Job-meister is here. Ha ha.

- Hey, are you representing.. - Eh, eh, stop, man, eh..

- What's wrong with you? - Alright.

Look, there's been a last minute change.

Now we're still doin' the scene where there's a party goin' on

and man is it whack?

'But when you bust through the door'

and start passin' out Jobs

now, now, we want you to carry a bucket of hot wings too.

What do you think? It'sthe bomb,

White man, have you lost your baloney-smellin' mind?

It's a cross-promotion with Colonel Yard Bird.

Well, at least there ain't no pimps.

Places, [indistinct]. Come on, buddy.

You better handle your business, kid.

- Hey, Tom, come here. - Sure.

Can I make a couple of suggestions?

Hey, anything you want, buddy.

You know this world a lot better than I do, right?

Yeah, great. Listen.

- I was thinkin', right? - Okay.

I'm kinda uncomfortable with this approach.

- So I'm gonna try it this way. - Okay.

What if I start givin' Jobs to people that got jobs?

Do you know what I'm saying?

It's like if I start givin' Jobs

to, like, doctors and lawyers, like, here you go.

- You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah. Alright.

Let's just think about this for a minute, okay?

No. That's not our target audience.

Well, what is your target audience?

Well, you know, uh, inter-city, 20 something

uh, beeper wearers.

Members of, uh, urban fraternal organizations.

Oh, well, you mean the gangsters, thugs andhoes?

Okay.

You know what? I can't do this no more, man.

That's right, kid.

You ain't gotta do anything you don't wanna do.

You seen "Hollywood Shuffle."

There's always work at the post office.

- Damn right! - Let's go.

Excuse me for, uh, just a second.

Is this your lawyer?

'Cause you're gonna need one if you break your contract.

Now, come on.

You just go get ready, tiger.

We're on live in ten minutes.

Sorry, kid.

I guess you're stuck doin' this commercial.

I'mma do it!

But I think the script needs a little bit of rewriting.

Ah. I got your back! I see what you're sayin'.

They want ignorance. We're gonna give 'em ignorance.

Come on, man.

(male announcer) 'And that ties up the score.'

'So at half-time, things are'

'knotted up at 60 apiece.'

'We'll be right back after this brief message'

'from Job Central live in the hood.'

Action!

Girl, I don't know about you

but, uh, I think I'm about ready to go.

Ah-ah, girl, I don't know why you rushin' it.

It ain't like we got no drop.

[explosion]

(Marlon) Resolve!

I got some Job for you stank ass hoochies.

Eh, they're easy to get. Especially in my hood.

'Cause there's a liquor store in every corner. Mwah.

That's right, just look for a brother with the yellow eyes

vomittin' in the parking lot. Yeah.

I'll tell you ladies somethin'.

My mama, my mama started drinkin' Job

in her third trimester.

Ain't affect me none, see.

Perfect picture, huh.

Y'all, let's tell our little cheerleaders out there

what's inside this good stuff.

Ah, you gotta tell 'em, 'cause you know I can't.

I hear that, baby. We got asbestos.

- We got rubbin' alcohol? - Right.

- And grain alcohol. - Hmm.

Hey, you know how the grains been keepin' you regular?

Eh, don't forget to tell 'em about, about the formaldehyde

'cause that could really kill your brain cells.

That's right, they'll have you sneakin' outta rehab

like Robert Downey Jr.

- Hey, hey! - What?

Stick to the script. This is a live commercial.

Eh, tut-tut-tut.. Hey, look at that Tom.

This is Tom, dawg. Tom, come here, don't be shy.

Say hi to people. I said say hi to people. Say hi.

Hey, hey, Uncle Tom over here is the genius

behind all you bubbas out there havin' Job.

Hell, yes. So we stay drunk, high and lazy.

This way we're too stupid to get real jobs.

Eh, thanks for the oppression, Tom.

Love you, baby. That's good stuff..

That's it! You're out of the job. Hand 'em over.

- Oh, you want 'em? - Oh, you want 'em?

- I'll be more than happy to.. - There you go.

[indistinct chattering]

Alright, there you go, man..

Get on back here! Break yourself, fool.

Yo, homeboy, let's sing our theme song.

Boom!

[upbeat music]

♪ Chow malt liquor it's so good ♪

♪ They only sell it in the hood ♪

♪ For rich people don't fret yo ♪

♪ Because they only sell it in the ghetto ♪

♪ Peace love and ignorance ♪♪

I saw you on the 11 o'clock news.

Your commercial stunt set off a boycott on Job malt liquor.

Go on, baby. Go on.

Hey, I know it took a lot to give all of that up, son.

Thanks, pop. But you know what?

Next time I choose a commercial, I'mma be real careful.

- Good to hear that, son. - Speakin' of auditions.

Hey, Shawn, I got an audition today.

You think you can let me off early?

- What's it for? - Kunta Cola.

Ah, shoot!

Hey, no. Listen, listen, this is the slogan.

Listen, I'm in shackles right and I go

Kunta Cola, The Taste Will Set You Free.

Wait, well, uh, uh, wait, wait..

[stammering] How about this one?

Kunta Cola, It's Cotton-Pickin' Good.

[blabbering]

I'll chop my foot off for one of these.

I'm only jokin', y'all. I'm only jokin'.

It ain't for Kunta Cola. It's for watermelon juice.

♪ Wap-baap-do-do-da-ru-ru ru-ru-ra-ru ♪

♪ Baap-baap-do-do-da-ru ru-ru-ru-ra-ru ♪

♪ Baap-baap-do-do-da-ru-ru ru-ru-ra-ru ♪

♪ Baap-baap-do-do-da-ru ru-ru-ru-ra-ru ♪

♪ Baap-baap-do-do-da-ru-ru ru-ru-ra-ru ♪

♪ Baap-baap-do-do-da-ru ru-ru-ru-ra-ru ♪

[scatting]

♪ Baap-baap-do-do-da-ru-ru ru-ru-ra-ru ♪♪

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say cheese.