Original subtitles

Oh.

Hey, Marlon!

Yo, Marlon, did you eat all the cereal?

Hey, what's up, kid?

Hm, I poured you a bowl too.

Here's your spoon.

Alright, more for me.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright. Cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys! Dynamite. That is..'

♪ Girl what you got goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪♪

[knock on door]

(John) 'Hey, Shawn, Marlon, hurry up.'

- 'I'm hungry!' - Hang on, pops.

'Hurry up, I'm so hungry, Sally Struthers gave me a dollar.'

[laughing]

Alright. Hang on a second.

Our door's been sticking for a month now. So--

(John) 'Come on now. My stomach is talking to me.'

- What's it sayin'? - 'Let's eat.'

Alright, on three, push.

- 'Okay.' - One, two, three!

Hi, pops.

Hey, pop, where you get that outfit?

You look like a ghetto fisherman.

What's up, huggy-bear?

- How you doin'? - How you doin'?

Lookin' all smooth.

- Yeah. - Hey.. Where's ma?

Your mom ain't gonna make it, son.

Seems like her boyfriend Mr. Lou Rawls

is havin' another telethon, and she gonna sit

right next to the TV until he reaches his goal.

- What's he savin' this time? - How do I know?

Probably his career.

Don't worry about that. Just bring me that broiled catfish.

I got the hot sauce and get me a tall, tall glass of Kool-Aid.

I'm sorry, pop, but, uh, our oven's on the blink.

It's gonna be a couple more hours or two.

What kind of madness is this?

The door's sticking, the oven's on the blink.

Have the landlord fix these things.

Hey, we tried to call him, pops, but he don't call us back.

What! Your mama and I had the same problem

back when we were renting.

You and mom used to live here?

Don't mind him, pop.

He been dryin' his hair in the microwave again.

What I'm trying to say, your mother and I organized

a tenants' meeting, and we demanded

that the landlord fix everything.

A tenants' meeting? Ah. That might work.

Of course it gonna work. You gotta demand things in life.

If you want anything, and I demand you go get me my dinner!

Alright, pop, I'm telling you it ain't ready yet.

I don't care what you say, man. Just bring me the food.

I'm hungry. Oh, boy.

Just get that good old succulent fish.

Here you go, pop. I'm tellin' you, it ain't ready yet.

It's about time.

'Hey! Hey!'

Hey! I didn't know y'all boys like sushi!

Come on, Mr. Fish, I'mma eat you tonight, brother.

I'm hungry.

Alright, Mr. Fish.

Why'd you buy all this food, man?

I told you I'm tryin' to save money.

Oh, calm down, cheapskate.

Check it out! I got all this here at the 29 Cents store.

Looks like Coca Cola..

...but it's really Broca cola.

Ahh.

- Good move, slick. - Thank you.

Yo, I need that extra money, man.

Lisa found out there's no

such thing as McLobster.

What?

Women. Pss.

Hey, Mother Evans.

Are you holdin' up well? How you doin'?

You didn't have to get here so soon, you know.

But when you have 90-year-old legs

you never know how long a flight of stairs will take.

Of course you'd go faster when you fall and roll.

- Are you okay? - Uh, yeah.

But I think that fall

knocked my hearin' aid out of place.

- Oh. Are you sure? - Tuesday.

[knock on door]

I got it. I got it. Hey, what's up, Mother Evans?

Hey.

What up, homey?

What's up, White Mike?

Yo, Marlon, man, thanks for invitin' me to your party.

Yo, Shawn, Mother Evans. Wassup?

I see it really ain't jumpin' off in here yet.

♪ Ain't no party like an East Coast party ♪

♪ Huh hey ♪

♪ Ain't no jam like a old school jam ♪

♪ Say jam say jam ♪

♪ Hey huh huh ♪

Mother Evans, get up, come on.

♪ Ain't no party like a.. ♪♪

Hey, hey, hey. Vanilla Ice, chill.

This is not a party. It's a tenants' meetin'.

[chuckles ] What?

- Yeah. - I'm down for whatever, Marlon.

Mike, Mike, Mike. You're not a roughneck.

You're a redneck, okay? Go mingle.

Alright, I'mma go mingle. Like a pringle!

Oh, don't get on the mic

'cause I'll kick you like a jingle.

Does that boy know he ain't black?

Worse than that, he thinks he's Muslim.

Oh!

[knock on door]

I got it.

- Hm-mm. - Hey.

- Hi. - How you doin'?

Fine. My name's Charlene.

I live right down the hall.

Hi, I'm Marlon. You've probably noticed me.

I stalk you.

No, you know, I've lived here for six months.

I don't think I've noticed you at all.

I think everybody's here who said they'd show up.

Hello, neighbors.

I'm Chuck, and this is my pretty wife Tina.

Pleased to meet you.

Hello, Chuck and Tina. How are you?

Welcome to our neighborhood.

I'm Shawn. Uh, you guys have the right place?

Uh, yes. We just moved in three days ago.

We used to live in a gated community

on Long Island, with a lot of snobby people

and not a lot of bla-African Americans.

- Say, what? - Shut your mouth!

That's right. That's why we moved here.

We heard that this neighborhood was going through

a lot of gentrification.

Gentrification?

- Dude, this is Harlem. - We know.

The prices are so low.

Practically givin' it all away.

[laughing]

You're, Mother Evans.

Okay, now, everybody knows

why we called this meeting here today.

We all have repairs that the landlord has refused to fix.

Now, what I think we need to do is everybody should get a list

and write down what doesn't work inside of our apartments.

For example, my oven doesn't work.

Anybody else?

Yeah. My oven doesn't work either.

Anybody else? Uh, Mother Evans.

What doesn't work in your apartment?

What?

What in your apartment isn't working?

Oh, my son.

Never mind. We'll come back to you.

Welcome, blacks and Jews?

We-we'll come back to you. Never mind.

Michael?

Yo, man, when I turn on my sunlamp my boom box goes out.

- What up with that? - Charlene?

The light in my closet's been out for over a month.

What?

No!

Damn it. This is an outrage.

This is outright..

...dastardly preposturepedic!

Yes, it is, and that landlord has ignored us

for the very last time, 'cause I have a dream.

- Yes! - Yeah!

That's right, I have a dream.

♪ That one day I will live in a buildin' ♪

♪ Where doors will open ♪

♪ And the water will flow ♪

♪ And lights will shine ♪

- Yeah! - Amen, brother.

♪ I said I have a dream ♪

♪ That I will march down to that landlord's fancy penthouse ♪

♪ And demand that he hear our grievances ♪

Right on, brother!

♪ I said I have a dream ♪

♪ That all the little black boys and white girls ♪

♪ Will be able to have heat at last ♪

♪ Heat at last thank God, almighty ♪

♪ We'll have heat at last ♪♪

[cheering]

Are you guys with me?

(all) Yeah!

- Come on, let's go! - Yeah!

[cheering]

Um..

We'll let you guys know how things turn out, okay?

Marlon, bring your ass!

Man, this is one classy exclusive joint.

Yeah, I ain't seen a deluxe apartment like this

since "The Jeffersons."

- Yeah. - Is that real gold?

Should take the knocker.

Get out of here!

Damn Jehovah Witnesses.

Well, I'll beat you to death with "The Watchtower."

No, no, no. We're not Jehovah witnesses.

We're Shawn and Marlon Williams

from your buildin' on 126th street.

What? I thought that arson investigation was closed.

No, no, no. 126th street.

- Oh, sorry, man. - Oh!

You the sons of that woman that froze to death?

No, we're-we're tenants from that buildin'

on 126th street, and we have a list some complaints.

Oh, why didn't you say so?

Hurry up, will you? I'm busy with the maid.

- Hey! - Oh.

Now, here's..

Now, here's our list, and we demand

that you fix things.

Uh-huh. Hm-mm-hm. Oh, look.

I got a little problem, okay?

I ain't got no super for your buildin'.

I had to get rid of the last guy because he got hit

with a sexual harassment suit.

You know how it is, you're fixing a bathtub.

There's a woman in it. Things happen.

- Happens to me all the time. - Stop it, man.

Well, why can't you fix things yourself?

I would, but I'm just too damn busy.

Hey, Britta, get back on that table.

- Oh. Ha ha. - That gold?

Hey, hey, hey.

Anyway, I've got this problem. No super.

And no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to find anybody

who wants to make some easy money in his spare time.

Hey, I like easy money in my spare time.

- Well, you? I don't know. You.. - Come on, gee.

Ae-o, me and my brother could do it together.

- You and your brother can't. - Why not?

We don't know nothin' about bein' no superintendents.

Okay, forget about it then.

If you don't wanna make $200 a week

for fixing an occasional light bulb, forget it.

Wait! $200? You wait right there.

Come here.

Shawn, listen, this is easy money.

Think about it, the next time you wanna take

Lisa out to dinner, you can buy her a burgerwith

And a large fry.

Well, I mean, I could use the money.

I mean, just once I'd like to take Lisa

for a ride around central park

without the garbage man yelling

"Ae, you two, get off the back of my truck."

You see what I mean?

Come on, you want the job or not?

Mr. Stone, we'll take it, brother.

- Alright. It's a deal. - Alright.

You are now the building supers.

Here.

Here's an advance on your salary.

Now, get out of here.

Hey, Britta, watch out. That chandelier can't support you.

I sure hope we know what we're doing, man.

Don't worry. I know what I'm doin'.

Marlon. Don't look in people's houses like that.

That's an invasion of privacy.

Go on, go press for the elevator.

Ah! Hey, kid, you screw in that light bulb?

Yup. I didn't even have to read the manual.

Yeah. Did you fix that leak in the basement?

Yeah, I patched it up.

It's amazing what a Band-Aid

some gum, and some string could do.

Man, I'll tell you, this is the easiest money ever made.

It's-it's like one of 'em government jobs.

No kiddin'. It has been an easy two weeks.

Uhh.

You know what I'mma do with my money?

Take Lisa out to Tavern On the Green.

This time, she gets to eat.

- Get out of town. - Big spend.

- I'm livin' large, baby. - Yeah, right. You the man.

I got Tammi girl comin' over in a little while.

Check it out. Put out 50 bucks for this.

- Cologne? - Not just any cologne.

This is El Desperado..

...for the man who rarely scores.

[knock on door]

Chello-o-o!

Who is it?

- Hey. - Ooh.

Marlon, you're much better-looking in a suit.

No. I'm Shawn, and, uh, that's Marlon.

Ohh.

Okay.

What's up, baby girl? Look at you.

Baby hair pumpin' like usual.

I love that cologne.

- Is that El Desperado? - But of course.

No well-dressed superintendent should ever go without it.

Superintendent?

Wow! Do you get to wear a cape?

Suddenly I feel very gifted.

[telephone rings]

Chello! Williams residence.

Hey, what's up, Chuck?

Huh? Oh, man, broken garbage disposal?

Alright, I'll be down to fix it in a minute.

Alright. Peace.

- Marlon. Hey! - Huh?

If Lisa calls, tell her I'm runnin' late.

Bye-bye.

[sighs]

[chuckles]

All alone at last.

How can you be alone if I'm here?

[laughs]

Exactly.

What up, what up, G, my man..

Ow-w.

My bad.

I didn't know you had a honey all up in here.

Uh, White Mike, what do you want?

Uh, check in, G, the power keeps going out

in my apartment, and me and my brother Pookie can't work

on our demo tape.

- Yo, Pookie! - No, not Pookie.

- No, please, not Pookie. - Oh, yeah.

[scatting]

♪ Yo I shoot to thrill I dress chilly-chill ♪

♪ All you ladies in the house just can't sit still ♪

♪ I'm a sex machine I'm a M16 ♪

♪ I'm a 12-gauge lover if you know what I mean ♪

♪ Go Pookie ♪ ♪ Go Pookie ♪

♪ Go Pookie ♪ ♪ Go Pookie ♪

♪ Go Pookie ♪ ♪ Go Pookie ♪

♪ Go Pookie ♪ ♪ Go Pookie ♪

♪ Go Pookie ♪ ♪ Go Pookie ♪♪

Stop! Hammer time.

Uh-oh-uh-oh-uh-oh!

Uh-oh-uh-oh-uh-oh!

White boy can dance.

Alright, we'll come back later, man.

I didn't know you was, uh, knocking boots all--

I'm about to knock you with my boot. Poop! Alright.

I'm Audi 5000 with a sunroof, G. Word to your mother.

I think I'mma have a word with your mother.

Hey, hey, White Mike, gimme five.

On the black hand side.

Ah!

Now where were we?

I hope those light-skinned brothers

are the last of our interruptions.

[laughs]

They will be, I promise, okay?

Man, look at me. I didn't know garbage disposals had a reverse.

I look like Barry White's dinner napkin.

And you promised no more interruptions.

- I'm leaving. - Wait, no, no, no.

Tammi, don't leave. Hey, Tammi, Tammi.

I'll wear my cape. Arww!

Tammi! Tammi, don't leave.

Aw, damn!

Hey, why is she standing over by the garbage chute?

She thinks it's the elevator.

And I thought you were stupid.

Damn, man!

Marlon, I need you! Come quick.

[panting]

All you had to do was ask.

It's Mother Evans! She says it's a life-or-death emergency.

- Hurry up! Come on. - Okay.

Alright, great. We got a situation!

♪ Da da da da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da da da ♪♪

Hurry up, damn it. I'm missing "Matlock."

This is the life-and-death emergency?

That Andy Griffith is one sexy white boy.

Mother Evans, this is not an emergency.

Don't use that tone with me, you little pissant.

Now you fix that TV..

...or I'll kick you in the head with my orthopedic shoes.

Man, what's with her?

Well, if you ain't knocked boots in 40 years

you'd be a little cranky too.

Alright, let's take a look at this right here.

Oh, Marlon, be careful.

I don't know the meaning of the word "Careful."

And that's why I'm gonna be the one doin' it.

Aah!

Do you know the meaning of the word "Electrocution" perhaps?

I do now.

I smell bacon.

Hey, do you guys think the problem

could be this loose antenna wire hanging here?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah, we knew that.

We're checking out.

[indistinct chattering]

- We're gonna fix it. - We'll, uh, work it out.

- So, uh. - Yeah.

Thanks for the info.

Alright, let's get out of here.

Alright, you handle things up on the roof.

I'mma take care of business right here.

No, you're not. You're comin' with me.

Besides, you're not gonna score anyway.

I wouldn't be too sure about that.

Let's go! Go! Go! Go!

Don't ever stop!

- Those boys are really sweet. - Mm.

But as supers..

...they really suck.

Well, there goes my date with Lisa.

- Easy money. - Yeah, right.

This is too much damn work.

I should've known we wasn't gonna get somethin' for nothin'.

- That landlord played us. - Yeah.

Now my rep is scarred.

What rep? People expect you to fail.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, man! Charlene was right.

Mother Evans' wire isn't connected to a antenna.

Okay, come here. This is what we gotta do.

- What's up? - Here.

Now, one of us brave young brothers

has to climb up on the ledge and tiptoe up, hook in this wire

up to the antenna without fallin'

five stories down to his death.

Now, when you're done with that, I'll be right over here.

Wait a minute. Wait. H-how come I gotta do it?

- Alright, we'll flip a curn. - Alright.

Heads I win, tails you lose.

Oh, no, no flipping curns I don't like that game.

I always lose. I get to pick this time.

- Fine. - Okay.

I'm thinkin' of a number, from one to a million.

Six.

- Damn! - Yes.

- You be cheatin'! - How am I gonna cheat?

I don't know, you got ESPN or somethin'.

What do I look like, Spiderman?

[honking]

- Mr. Stone! - You idiot!

What are you doin' up here?

The water department just hauled me out of bed.

The whole basement is flooded.

What moron tried to fix

the water main with Band-Aids, gum and string?

Help me!

Help me, please!

Don't you call me no idiot.

You're the idiot, you hired us.

Do you know what you've done?

With all this water damage, I'll never be able

to burn this building down.

Well, the whole reason why we're in this mess

is because you refused to fix the buildin' in the first place.

No, no, the whole reason we're in this fix

is because my wife took half.

Half of what, half your money or half your hair?

Now, look, Mr. Stone, I gave you every opportunity

to fix this building, but you kept connin' me out of it.

- Yo, Shawn! - Not now.

- No, but, Shawn! - I'm talkin' right now!

Now look, Mr. Stone, either you fix this buildin' or else..

Or else what?

Or else I'm gonna pick your puny behind up

and toss you off the side of the buildin'.

Then you're gonna be movin' on down.

Oh ho-ho. Well, in that case, you're fired.

And that goes for you and your nitwit brother.

My brother? Marlon? Marlon!

[Marlon screaming] 'Help!'

- 'Please.' - Marlon.

Marlon. What are you doin' down there, man?

Give me your hand. Give me your hand.

- On three, I'mma pull. - Okay.

Alright. One, two, three.

(Shawn and Marlon) 'Help!'

(Shawn and Marlon) 'Please.'

Hey. You wanna be super?

Thank God those winos broke our fall.

We could've really gotten hurt, man.

Yeah, man. You notice none of them even woke up?

Yeah, but that extra change came in handy.

I give you a sound advice about renters' rights

and you screw up.

Do you know why that man gave you two that job?

- Affirmative action? - No.

'Cause he's trying to take the easy way out

just like we did, huh, pop?

Good, Marlon.

Thank you, papa.

I'm glad you learned your lesson.

If I had taken the easy way out

I would still be a male stripper in Singapore.

Well, it's just a good thing we're out of this mess though.

What's so good about it?

You boys still don't have

a building superintendent.

Yes, we do.

I thought White Mike turned the job down.

Yeah, he did.

Well, who took the job?

I hate my life.

I should go back to the dry-cleaning business.

- Amen! - Amen!

He took the job?

- Mm-hm-hmm-hm. - Mm-hm-hmm-hm.

[cheering]

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon. Say "Cheese."