Original subtitles

Michael Jordan from the 3-point line.

He shoots the jumper. Oh, he misses!

He's been playing baseball too long.

Okay. Here we go. Reggie "The Albino" Miller.

He shoots.

'Yes, he gets it in!'

Who says white men can't jump?

Alright. Here we go.

John Starks, from the inside.

Shoots. He chokes again. Oh, man.

[telephone ringing] Dikembe Mutombo

jumps up for a rebound.

Oh, he knocks an airplane out of the sky.

Marlon!

[ringing continues]

- 'Marlon!' - What's up?

Come watch these fries.

'Alright. I got you.'

- Ready, go. - Yeah. Go.

Keep an eye on them.

Ah!

[ringing continues]

Hello?

Hey, Lisa, what's up, baby girl?

How you doin'?

(Shawn) 'I'm chillin'. Just makin' some fries.'

What's up?

Are you comin' over today?

Oh, really? You gonna wear somethin' sexy?

Uh-huh. What you gonna wear?

'Ooh.'

That sounds good to me.

Stop. Don't talk like that, girl.

Don't make me all hot over the phone.

[fire crackling]

Whoo! Yeah, I'm hot.

Are you hot? I'm hot.

Hey, Marlon, are you hot?

Marlon, you're burning the French fries.

This boy cannot cook.

Okay, I gotta go. Marlon's on fire again.

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright. Cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys! Dynamite. That is--'

♪ Girl what you got goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[grunts]

Here you go, Burl.

Six diet plates.

Thanks, Marlon.

You know, I've been doin' so good lately

I think I deserve to celebrate.

Ha, watch yourself 'cause I think

uh, celebrating got you there.

[laughs]

- What's up, kid? - What's up, baby boy?

- Chillin', man. - Where's Pop?

Isn't he supposed to be closing the diner today?

Yeah, he went to pick up Uncle Leon.

They're going somewhere where the wine flows free

the women are easy, and they gamble all night long.

Bingo Night at Church?

Atlantic City, Shawn.

Here they come.

And where did they get those shirts?

It looks like Easter in Puerto Rico.

Hey, yo, Shawn, Marlon.

- How you doing? - What's happening?

- Alright. - What's up?

Alright, alright, I'm good.

What's up, uncle?

- How you doing, Pop? - I'm good.

Whoo! How's my favorite Uncle Leon doing?

- How am I doin'? - Yeah.

Hey, I got a metal plate in my head

I got a plastic hip

and I got three pins in my knee.

And you know what?

I can still do an hour with your Aunt Louise.

[laughing]

Alright, come on, everybody. It's closing time.

Hurry up and eat, big fella. You're cuttin' into my vacation.

I'm hurryin'. I'm hurryin'.

Well, we're off to Atlantic City

home of salt water taffy and economic chaos.

Hey, Pop, listen, I know I ask you this every year

and every year you tell me, "Hell, no, boy."

but I'm gonna ask you again this year.

Please, instead of closing the diner

keep it open and let me run it.

Please, Pop, please!

Hell, no, boy.

Well, at least this time he gave it some thought.

Come on, Pop, please.

It's the perfect opportunity to teach Marlon

some responsibility.

And besides, with the diner closed

where's old Esther gonna hang out?

Same as every year, Grand Central Station

with her imaginary friends.

I don't know, son, I've worked so hard to build

this business and make it a success.

See, I do things a certain way.

That's why the diner is so special.

Johnny boy, take a chance, man.

You know what?

You're so anal that if you sat down

you'd suck up the furniture.

- Just hush up, Leon. - Come on, Pops.

You always tell me I'm your favorite son.

Hey!

Hey, Pop, look

I promise, I'll keep an eye on everything.

Well, I do hate to shut down and lose all that money.

- Please, Pop. Please, please-- - 'Okay. Okay.'

- You got it, you got it. - Thank you.

Shut up before I whup you like a loosened horse.

Thank you, Pop. Thank you, thank you.

Leon, let's go.

Atlantic City, here we come.

I get to drive.

You get everything, man, you get the nice car

you get the wife with both eyes

and you get a prostate that's not as big as your head.

- Congratulations, kid. - Thank you.

The diner's all yours.

And you didn't even have to wait for Pops to die or anything.

Shh. That was plan B.

[hip hop music]

Whoo.

- What's up, kid? - 'What's happening?'

How's your first two days at work? Good?

Were they good?

Does a homeless man stink?

- I take that as a yes. - Uh, yeah.

- What are you wearing? - Oh, nothin'.

What do you mean nothin'? That's my old tuxedo.

No wonder why it's so tight in the crotch.

No, really, why you wearin' it?

Oh, well, I just wanted to bring a little

class to the diner.

Look, kid, I know you trying to impress Pops and all

but I think you're getting a little carried away.

Ain't nobody getting no carried away.

Shawn, have you seen my top hat?

Here you go.

How do I look?

You look like the black in the hat.

You know what, I'm startin' to get nervous, man.

I'mma come down there and check things out.

Come on, man. You sound like Pop.

[imitating Pops] You take that back.

Come on, man, for real, y'all treat me

like, I'm seven years old.

We do not treat you like you're seven years old.

- Do too. - Do not.

- Do too. Do too.. - Do not. Do not..

- Infinity. - No, no, uh, no pay tax.

No pay-pay tax.

Come on, man, for real.

How you expect me to make somethin' of myself

and you don't even believe in me?

Alright, you're right, kid. You're right.

You know why I always mess up, Shawn?

'Cause you and Pop just sittin' around

waitin' for me to mess up.

It's self-fulfilling prophecy.

What?

I saw it on an episode of "Different Strokes".

See.

Willis was hangin' around with some drug dealers.

And he told Arnold, Arnold said..

[as Arnold] "What you talking about, Willie?"

- And look at Willis now-- - Alright, shut up. Fine.

Alright. You know what? You're right.

I'mma let you do what you gotta do, okay?

- Thank you. Thank you. - Handle your business.

Now, get outta here so I can take a nap.

Alright.

Thank you for believin' in me.

'Cause you know, if you can't trust your brother

who in the world can you trust?

(Shawn) You know what, you're right, kid, I mean

I ain't gonna worry about it. It ain't my money.

You know?

If Pop ain't worried, I ain't worried.

Mm-hmm.

Now, put my damn money back.

All of it.

[instrumental music]

- Yeah. - I'm worried, Leon.

I think it was a mistake leaving Marlon

in charge of my establishment.

Will you stop worrying, man? We are on a roll.

You see, I told you that my little lizard foot

would bring us good luck.

Well, if that's true, where has it been

for the last 40 years of your life?

Huh? Number ten?

A hundred on number ten.

Oh, you half a moron. That lizard foot ain't gonna work.

- Ten! - Whoa!

Oh, yes, it does.

Hey, I'm more than half a moron now.

- Aren't I? - Yes, you are.

You're twice that and then some.

♪ Ya-di-ti ya-di-ti ♪♪

Look over there.

[Hip Hop music]

Sorry, brother, but, uh, you can't come in here

without a reservation.

[laughs] Marlon, it's me Burl.

And what do I need a reservation for?

Well, Burl, that's just our new policy here at the Pops.

We're under new management.

I'm sorry, maybe next time you put on a tie

and we'll be more than happy to grease the doors

and squeeze you in.

But for right now, you're blocking

the real customers, Burl.

You've changed.

Yeah. And, uh, you haven't.

Thank you, Burl.

- What are you doing? - Are you crazy?

I'm not crazy. You're crazy.

Look, guys, don't worry, I'mma-I'mma have

this place packed with all kind of high rollers.

They don't wanna eat with no lowlifes.

You'll see, I'll make my papa proud of me.

[scoffing] How? You chased all the customers away.

You're drunk with power. You're ruining everything.

Yeah, what's the matter with you?

You work us twice as hard

you pay us half as much

and those pants don't even fit you in the crotch.

What is this, some kind of a mutiny?

What, you guys don't believe in me?

(together) No.

Alright. That's it.

You, and one more word out of you

Mister...Chef Boyar Bruce Lee..

One more word out of you, and you're both fired.

- Alright. - Okay.

Okay, that's it. You're fired. Come on, let's go.

[speaks Spanish]

Yeah,estupido? I'll show you,amigos.

I'll show all of you. I'll show Pops too.

Shoot.

Believe in me.

Shoot.

Hey, God.

Um..

...just let me be right just this one time, please.

[instrumental music]

Please.

Amen.

[jazz music]

[whistling]

Darryl, Kevin, pick it up.

[no audio]

Darryl, Kevin, pick it up.

Knuckleheads. Shoot.

- Here you go, sir. - Thank you.

And, uh, waiter, could I get a glass of water, please?

Oh, sure. Hey, uh, Darryl!

Could you get this man some water, please? Thank you.

[coughing] Oh, sure.

Oh, thank you.

Waiter, um, I ordered

this burger medium and..

Well, does that look medium to you?

Yeah. Tastes medium to me.

Hey, Kevin.

That burger look medium to you?

Let me check this here.

- Yeah, tastes medium to me. - Yeah.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah, it's medium.

(Darryl) 'Yeah.'

- I'm not payin' for this. - What?

Oh, that's-that's what I want you to say.

Calm down. Calm down..

Chill. Chill. Chill.

- Chill. Chill. Chill. - Calm down.

- You alright, D? - You alright?

- You alright, man? - Well, you know?

- Alright, man, cool down. Yeah. - It's cool, man. It's cool..

Hey, uh, what seems to be the problem here?

I'm the owner of this fine establishment.

The money said that this burger ain't medium.

Let me see that.

- It tastes medium to me. - That's what I'm talking about.

With a little ketchup.

Give me some of that.

Now, you need anything else, I'll be right there.

Right. Now, ahem, including my tip, that'll be 15.25.

Please make it exact change.

I don't know how to work the cash register.

What are you guys, a bunch of idiots?

And what kinda restaurant are you running here?

What kinda restaurant? The kind that doesn't have to serve you.

Now, get up and get on outta here.

- You don't like our food? - Hey!

- Hey! - Yo, chill, D. Chill..

Get on out of here. Shoo!

Some people just ain't got no manners, man.

'So rude. You can't talk to my boys like that.'

Oh, chill, chill, chill. Something's burning.

What?

Well, it could be my meat loaf

since I've been waiting for it

for an hour and a half!

I thought it was this perm. Damn!

Marlon, what the hell's goin' on here?

Huh?

It's lunchtime, and there's no customers.

I guess they're out to lunch.

Where are Benny and Lupe?

Uh, things didn't work out with them too good

so I had to fire 'em.

I can't believe this, you idiot. You ruined Pop's business.

I didn't ruin it. It was Kevin and Darryl.

Kevin and Darryl? What are they doin' here?

- They work here. - Not anymore. You're fired.

- Oh, it's like that? - Yeah.

Oh, you's a sell-out!

Well, call me Clarence Thomas.

- Yeah. - Okay?

You too. Yeah, you too.

I got this job, and I bought a Benz.

Well, you should have "Benz" a better employee.

Now, get the hell outta here.

Man, Shawn, I messed up.

I ruined Pop's business. He's gonna kill me.

I know what I'll do. I'll burn the place down.

Look, man, stop it, okay?

- I'll get insurance. - Stop it. Okay?

You've done enough bad things for today.

Now, all we need to is hire Benny and Lupe back

clean this mess up, and maybe go apologize

to some of the customers.

Then when Pops come back tomorrow night

he won't notice.

We've got to do a whole lot more than that.

I spent $500 of Pop's emergency petty cash

tryin' to fix this place up.

Great. Great. Great.

Now, how the hell are we gonna find

five hundred dollars by tomorrow night?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

What are you thinkin'?

Nothing.

Just forget it, okay? Leave it up to me.

I'll think of something as usual.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[cheering]

Now, come on, Leon. Let's quit while we're ahead.

Let's go lie under the boardwalk and hope Sharon Stone walks by.

Man, are you crazy?

I can't quit until my lizard foot tells me to quit.

But we're $14,000 ahead.

We quit now, this trip is free, we go home with pockets full.

Now, you see, that's the problem with you, man.

You never wanna take a chance, Johnny boy.

You're afraid to take a chance on it, son.

And you're afraid to take a chance on me.

I take a chance every time I walk out in public with you.

- Now let's cash in those chips. - Well, wait-wait, shh.

My li'l lizard's foot is talkin' to me, man.

Huh? Bet it?

Bet it all?

I'll live like a king, huh?

- Hey! - Oh, man!

Hey, give me those here.

- Leon, wait. - Give me those.

Give me those here, man.

Today, I'm leavin' here, a winner.

Leon! Wait, Leon. Wait a minute.

♪ Just once I want a little light ♪

♪ To shine on me ♪

Leon, let's talk about this. We gotta talk..

♪ Come on baby ♪

♪ Leon needs a new pair of shoes ♪

- Flips. A loser! - Oh, no, Leon!

It's all gone!

All gone!

Oh, why?

Why did my little lizard foot let me down?

Leon, this ain't no lizard foot. This is a beef jerky.

No, no, no. I had my beef jerky in my left hand

and my lizard's foot in my..

Oh, no.

I ate my lizard foot.

We're ruined, man. We're ruined.

No, we ain't ruined, you better turn around

let me burp that sucker up. Come here.

Come on, Leon. Burp it up. Burp that lizard foot.

Get that lizard. Come on, lizard.

That's the beef jerky. I don't want that beef jerky.

I want the lizard foot. Come on.

[instrumental music]

- Go, Burl. Eat the sandwich. - Go Burl, Go Burl.

Eat the sandwich. Go, Burl. Go, Burl.

Yo, kid..

...turnin' this place into a nightclub

was the best idea you ever had.

Look what I got. The Poppa Cabana.

Man, I couldn't believe I didn't think of this earlier.

Look, even Benny's gettin' paid.

Kamikaze's. Three dollars a shot.

Ha! Yo, look, even Old Esther's makin' some money.

[people cheering] 'Damn, go, Esther!'

Who knew she used to be a stripper on a chuck wagon.

Yo, kid, look at this.

Crowd is happy, we're makin' money

and the best part about it

Pops don't know anything about it.

♪ We got a nightclub ♪ ♪ We made a nightclub ♪

♪ We got a night club ♪

♪ We're gonna make some money ♪

♪ We're gonna make some money ♪

♪ Pops'll never find out Pops'll never.. ♪

Hey! What the hell's goin' on around here?

♪ He's gonna kill us ♪

♪ He's gonna kill us ♪♪

Hey, Pops. What are you doin' back so soon?

I thought you wasn't comin' back till tomorrow night.

Well, never mind that. What the hell's goin' on?

Get down from that, Esther. This ain't no chuck wagon.

Turn that music off!

This thing's over. Everybody, come on. Get outta here.

Come on. Move on outta here. Let's go.

Let's go. Hurry up.

- Ooh, you boys! - Come on, man, get outta here.

You boys are in big trouble now!

Hey, Pops. This was all Shawn's idea.

- All him. - Pops, I had to do it, man.

It was the only way. Marlon drove

all of your customers away and lost all your money.

This was the only way I can make the money back.

And this is how you're gonna get 'em back?

By gettin' me arrested?

By violating the fire code?

By havin' me fined for not havin' a liquor license?

Not to mention, havin' me shut down by the Board of Health

because Esther's up there dancin' like a free out hooker.

Damn, Pop, you put it like that you make it

sound like a bad idea.

Look at all the money we made.

- What money? - This money.

Paper!

You made all this money tonight?

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

Boys!

We are a family again!

A family with $3000.

[gasping]

(together) Three thousand dollars?

(together) Three thousand dollars.

Three thousand dollars.

And our wives are not expectin' us till tomorrow night.

Yeah. And are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

What are you thinkin'?

Nothin'.

Well..

...I got an idea.

♪ Ya-ti-di ♪♪

[crowd cheering]

Alright, alright, alright..

Five in a row.

Give it a little blow, baby girl.

(John) 'Five in a row!'

[laughing]

Maybe you should blow.

(John) 'Come on, Marlon. Five in a row, brother.'

'Five in a row, son.'

Five in a row!

Seven! A winner!

- That's my boy right there. - The boy is hot.

The boy is hot. Alright, alright.

- 'Six in a row!' - Here we go. What?

They're talkin' to me. They're talkin' to me.

What'd they say? What'd they say?

[indistinct mumbling] Ma ma say ma ma sa..

- Ah-ha, alright. - 'Six in a row!'

[cheering]

[cheering]

That's my boy.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I want y'all to bet it all.

- Bet, baby.. - Whoo!

Hey, you bet that weave, put all your money now.

Bet it all.

Brother, I'mma win you some ham.

I'mma win my brother some ham.

Yo, I'm puttin' my shoe and my watch on.

Alright, put your shoe on that.

- Alright. - Come on, now.

Papa gonna take these home, baby.

- You ready? - Come on.

You ready?

[indistinct chanting]

Ho-ya!

Craps! A loser!

[crowd booing]

Hey! Hey!

Hey, hey, yo!

[indistinct clamoring]

Break it off, break it off.

Break it off. Break it off.

[clamoring continues]

- Break it off. - Hey, get off my brother.

Get off my bother.

- Back off, Lou Rawls. - Get away from him.

Thank you, officer.

- You alright, Marlon? - You alright, now?

- Yeah, I'm cool, yeah. - Good.

[clamoring]

I'll beat you like Rodney King!

(Marlon) 'Please!'

Please!

Please!

Please!

Help me, please!

Go, Esther. Go, Esther. Go, Esther.

[Esther grunts]

(together) Breathe, Esther. Breathe, Esther.

Breathe, Esther. Breathe, Esther.

Somebody give a mouth to mouth resuscitation.

(together) Bye, Esther. Bye, Esther.

Bye, Esther, Bye, Esther!

(Shawn) 'Look up, Marlon, say cheese!'

[theme music]