Original subtitles

[ Giles ] PREVIOUSLY ON BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.

- GET AWAY FROM ME. - JONATHAN, YOU WANNA POINT THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE?

YOU ALL THINK I'M AN IDIOT. A SHORT IDIOT.

FAITH SWITCHED.

SHE HAD SOME DEVICE. SHE SWITCHED OUR BODIES.

- HI, BABY. YOU MISS ME? - I DID ACTUALLY.

I LOVE YOU.

YOU SLEPT WITH HER.

I WAS CREATED TO KILL,

TO EXTINGUISH LIFE WHEREVER I FIND IT.

TELL US WHAT TO DO.

XANDER! ANYA!

BUFFY, ANOTHER ONE!

BUFFY!

WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE?

SCAMPERED LIKE A BIG BUMPY BUNNY.

IN THERE.

I DON'T CARE IF IT IS AN ORGY OF DEATH,

THERE'S STILL SUCH A THING AS A NAPKIN.

A NEST. NO BIGGIE.

I BET I COULD DO IT.

I MEAN, I KNOW I COULD TAKE AT LEAST TWO.

YES. AND THEN WE COULD RUN FOR HELP

WHILE THE OTHER 3 SUCK YOUR HEART OUT THROUGH YOUR NECK.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S TOO MANY FOR JUST US.

YOU KNOW WHO WE NEED.

UH, HI.

WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU COULD USE MY HELP.

THE QUICK DRAW IS ABOUT MORE THAN SPEED.

IT'S ALSO ABOUT POINTING THE STAKE THE RIGHT WAY.

AND THERE CAN BE SPLINTER ISSUES.

IT IS A TRUE TEST OF DEXTERITY.

CAN YOU OPEN THIS?

NO. I TEAR IT AND IT GETS ALL SLUSHY.

THANKS FOR DOING THIS, JONATHAN.

I WOULDN'T ASK, BUT--

HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

NEST FULL OF VAMPIRES, YOU COME GET ME.

OKAY.

BOX FULL OF PUPPIES,

THAT'S MORE OF A JUDGMENT CALL.

HIT ME!

YOU GOT ME.

IT WAS VERY PUNCHY.

WATCH OUT FOR SOUTHPAWS, BUFF.

DON'T LET THEM SURPRISE YOU.

I CAN'T FIND A REFERENCE TO ANY RITUALS.

SEEMS MORE LIKE A...

FAMILY MEAL, IF YOU WILL.

AND THEY SAY NO ONE EATS

WITHOUT THE TV ON ANYMORE.

THANKS, RUPERT.

WELL, IT'S GOOD TO KNOW WE'RE NOT WALKING

INTO THE UNHOLY FEAST OF SOMETHING OR OTHER.

[ Willow ] OH, JONATHAN, I'M IN.

SCHEMATICS FOR THE CRYPT.

PART OF THE ORIGINAL PLAN FOR THE CEMETERY.

SOMETIMES THERE'S A--

OH, NO BACK WAY IN.

JUST THE ONE ENTRANCE.

WELL, MAYBE WE CAN MAKE IT WORK FOR US.

WE COULD STAKE OUT THE ENTRANCE.

YOU KNOW, UH, MAYBE USE A DECOY?

LURE THEM OUT.

OR I BET...

THERE.

I CAN GET IN THAT WAY.

OH, OF COURSE.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

I'M SURE YOU WOULD HAVE.

I THINK WE HAVE A PLAN.

BUFFY,

YOU GO IN FIRST.

LET 'EM GET A LOOK AT THE SLAYER.

XANDER--

THE NIMZOWITSCH DEFENSE.

LET'S SEE IF I REMEMBER.

MM-HMM. MATE IN FOUR.

YOU ALMOST GOT ME THAT TIME, RUPERT.

XANDER, WILLOW, AND ANYA, YOU BACK UP BUFFY.

I'LL BE THE SURPRISE GUEST.

EVERYONE, LET'S SHOW THESE FIENDS

THAT THEY CAME TO THE WRONG TOWN.

BUFFY, HE'S GETTING AWAY.

I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT ONE.

YOU GOT TWO OF THEM.

AND THAT SECOND ONE WAS READY FOR YOU.

YOU SHOULD FEEL PRETTY GOOD.

BUT I LET ONE GET BY ME.

HEY, DON'T WORRY.

YOU KNOW IT ONLY MATTERS THAT YOU DO YOUR BEST.

BUT THAT'S JUST IT.

I DON'T THINK IT WAS MY BEST.

HEY JONATHAN! OVER HERE. QUICK PHOTO, PLEASE.

ONE MORE? COUPLE MORE?

RIGHT HERE! OKAY GUYS, THAT'S ENOUGH.

WELL, I THINK WE DID GREAT.

WE KNOCKED 'EM DEAD,

WHICH THEY ALREADY WERE.

WE KNOCKED 'EM DEADER.

WELL, THEY WEREN'T VERY WELL ORGANIZED.

IF THEY HAD ALL RUSHED AT BUFFY,

THEY COULD HAVE KILLED HER RIGHT AWAY.

THANKS, ANYA.

THAT WON'T KEEP ME AWAKE ALL NIGHT.

VAMPIRES ONLY FORM NESTS TO MAKE HUNTING EASIER.

THEY'RE NOT BIG ON THE COOPERATION.

THEY MOSTLY LIKE TO HANG OUT

ALL CREEPY AND ALONE IN THE SHADOWS.

DON'T YOU AGREE, SPIKE?

WELL, WELL.

THE MAN HIMSELF.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I LIVE HERE.

I WASN'T EXACTLY

PINING FOR A NOISY VISIT

FROM WONDER JONATHAN

AND HIS FLUFFY BATTLE KITTENS.

YEAH?

YOU THINK THAT ONE UP

WITH ALL THE TIME YOU SPEND

NOT BEING ABLE TO BITE PEOPLE?

CAREFUL.

HE'S STILL PRETTY DANGEROUS.

BACK OFF, BETTY.

IT'S BUFFY,

YOU BIG, BLEACHED...

STUPID GUY.

SPIKE?

YOU'RE THE WORST TYPE OF SCUM.

THE SECOND YOU'RE BACK

TO YOUR OLD TRICKS, WELL...

LET'S JUST SAY

BEFORE YOU EVEN SNIFF OUT YOUR FIRST VICTIM,

YOU'LL BE PRETTY INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM--

OH, WHAT SHOULD WE SAY?

INSTANT SOUP MIX.

NEXT THING I KNOW,

THIS CRAZED VAMP IS LIKE RUNNING RIGHT AT ME.

AND I KNOW THAT IF IT GETS PAST ME,

THERE'S NO TELLING WHO'S IN DANGER NEXT.

COME ON. YOU HAVE FUN.

ADMIT IT. LIVING THE SCOOBY LIFE.

I WAS GOING FOR A KIND OF STOIC BRAVERY.

BUT, YEAH.

AND IT WAS EXCITING

WITH THE CEILING COMING IN

AND EVERYTHING.

OH, THAT'S A CUTE ONE!

AND BUFFY? SHE WAS OKAY?

OH, SHE WAS GREAT!

TWANG. POOF!

THAT WAS THE SOUND.

UH, CROSSBOW AND VAMPIRE DUSTING.

I MEAN SHE WAS A LITTLE CRANKY

THAT SHE MISSED THAT ONE VAMP.

I KIND OF MEANT PERSONALLY.

THAT WHOLE THING WITH FAITH,

THAT PRETTY MUCH FREAKED ME OUT,

AND I WAS JUST SENSING IT FROM A DISTANCE.

OH, WELL, YEAH.

I KNOW SHE'S NOT OVER THE WHOLE

RILEY SLEEPING WITH FAITH THING--

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

FAITH'S INSIDES IN BUFFY'S OUTSIDES,

WHEN HER INSIDES WERE OUT.

I HOPE THEY'LL BE OKAY.

I'M SURE IT'LL BLOW OVER.

THEY'RE PROBABLY ALL WITH THE SMOOCHIES RIGHT NOW.

YOU MUST BE FEELING BETTER.

YEAH. YEAH.

YOU KNOW, A LOT STRONGER.

I MEAN, NO JONATHAN, BUT...

I'M DOING OKAY.

ARE YOU?

I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT--

WHAT?

EATING THE INITIATIVE'S

TECHNICOLOR FOOD OF STRONGNESS?

NO, UH-UH.

THEY, UH, THEY SWEAR THEY STOPPED TREATING THE FOOD,

BUT I'M NOT TAKING THE CHANCE.

YOU KNOW, I, UH, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT MEANS

I'LL GET WEAKER OR DUMBER OR--

OR SMARTER.

THEY'RE NOT BIG WITH THE DISCLOSURE, HUH?

THEY STILL HAVEN'T RELEASED A FULL PROFILE ON ADAM.

AND WE'RE HAVING ZERO LUCK TRACKING HIM.

I JUST--

IF THEY JUST PUT A LITTLE TRUST IN ME,

I KNOW I COULD GET THE JOB DONE.

I'VE FELT THAT WAY MY ENTIRE LIFE.

YOU'D THINK I COULD DO THAT.

I GUESS IT TAKES DIFFERENT MUSCLES

THAN DEMON BEHEADING.

YOU JUST NEED A FEW POINTERS.

NOW, IF SLAYING WAS A COMPETITIVE SPORT,

THEN I'D HAVE A CHANCE.

YOU KNOW, WE COULD HAVE

FIGURE STAKING

AND SPEED STAKING.

OW!

SORRY. I--

THIS JUST ISN'T MY GAME.

I GOTTA--

IT'S ALL FAITH'S FAULT.

SHE'S LIKE POISON.

NO, WORSE. SHE'S LIKE ACID THAT EATS THROUGH EVERYTHING.

MAYBE SHE'S A BOMB.

THE POINT IS

EVERYTHING WAS GOING ALONG GREAT WITH RILEY,

AND THEN SHE COMES ALONG AND MESSES EVERYTHING UP.

BUFFY, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

I DON'T THINK THIS IS ABOUT YOU BEING ANGRY WITH FAITH.

I THINK YOU'RE ANGRY WITH RILEY.

HI. COULD YOU PLEASE? RILEY?

SURE. I MEAN,

YOU HAVE THIS AMAZING CONNECTION WITH HIM.

AND THEN AT THE ONE MOMENT WHEN IT MATTERS THE MOST,

HE LOOKS INTO YOUR EYES,

AND HE DOESN'T EVEN SEE

THAT IT'S NOT YOU LOOKING BACK AT HIM.

UH, THERE'S NO WAY HE COULD KNOW.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T JUST LOOK AT SOMEONE AND SAY,

"HEY, THAT'S NOT YOUR BODY. GET OUT OF THAT BODY WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"

I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT.

BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IT.

BUFFY, IF THERE'S ANY PART OF YOU THAT'S BLAMING RILEY

FOR WHAT HAPPENED, WELL, THEN,

IT SEEMS LIKE THERE'S A PART OF YOU THAT NEEDS TO FORGIVE HIM.

[ Karen ] YOU'RE JONATHAN LEVINSON.

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

MY NAME IS KAREN, AND I THINK YOU'RE-- YOU'RE WONDERFUL!

HI, KAREN. THANK YOU.

OH, IS THAT MY BOOK?

WELL, I COULD--

YEAH, PLEASE. I DIDN'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU.

IT'S KAREN WITH A "K."

THANK YOU...

SO MUCH!

THANKS!

SURE.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, BUFFY?

I MEAN, IF I'M WRONG, SMACK ME.

KAREN WITH A "K" WILL LEND YOU A BOOK,

AND IT'S PRETTY HEAVY.

MAYBE I HAVE BEEN BLAMING HIM.

BUT HOW DO I GET PAST IT?

I MEAN, WHAT IF IT'S TOO LATE?

WHAT IF AFTER ALL THIS, HE DOESN'T WANT ME ANYMORE?

HE DOES.

IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY, BUFFY,

BUT YOU GUYS ARE VERY SPECIAL TOGETHER.

THAT'S WORTH A LITTLE HARD WORK.

BUT I'M NOT EVEN SURE

IF I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO HIM ANYMORE.

HOW DO I MAKE IT OKAY AGAIN?

IF YOU REALLY WANT IT,

YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T ALREADY KNOW,

MY NAME IS COLONEL GEORGE HAVILAND.

I'M COMMANDING OFFICER HERE

UNTIL SUCH TIME AS THE FACILITY REVIEW IS COMPLETED.

THIS REVIEW DOES NOT MEAN

OUR PRIMARY MISSION IS CHANGED IN ANY WAY.

RECOVERY OF THE HOSTILE KNOWN AS ADAM

IS OUR FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT JOB.

TO THIS END,

I'VE ASKED OUR TACTICAL CONSULTANT HERE

TO ADDRESS US TODAY.

MR. LEVINSON.

THANK YOU, COLONEL.

IT'S ABOUT TIME WE BROUGHT OUT THE BIG GUNS.

MEN, BEFORE WE CAN LOCATE ADAM,

WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND HIM BETTER,

AND THERE'S SOMETHING THAT'S BOTHERED ME ALMOST FROM THE START.

HE DOESN'T EAT.

WE'VE KNOWN HIM TO KILL,

BUT NEVER TO EAT THE KILL.

SO I PULLED SOME OF PROFESSOR WALSH'S ORIGINAL DESIGN SCHEMATICS,

AND I FOUND SOMETHING.

HIS POWER SOURCE IS NOT BIOLOGICAL AT ALL.

IT'S HERE. THE DESIGN ATTEMPTS TO HIDE IT,

BUT I BELIEVE THAT THERE'S A SMALL RESERVOIR OF URANIUM 235.

SIR, HOW LONG WILL IT LAST?

ESSENTIALLY FOREVER.

IT ALSO MEANS THAT CUTTING OFF HIS HEAD IS USELESS.

KILLING ADAM MEANS ANNIHILATING HIM COMPLETELY.

BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO FIND HIM.

[ Karen ] WHERE ARE YOU JONATHAN?

ARE YOU, LIKE, NEVER HOME?

AAH!

I FEEL TERRIBLE.

SHE'S READY TO FORGET IT.

YOU BETTER BE READY, TOO.

I DON'T KNOW, JONATHAN.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'LL REALLY EVER FORGET IT.

EVERY TIME I TRY TO TOUCH HER--

SHE'S SCARED.

SCARED OF ME?

SCARED OF WHAT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SHE KNOWS THAT FAITH IS... EXPERIENCED.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

EXPERIENCED?

OH, GOD.

DOES SHE THINK THAT...

WHAT, THAT I'D BE COMPARING?

SHE KNOWS SHE'S THE ONE I--

I CARE ABOUT.

HAVE YOU LET HER KNOW THAT?

I THINK I--

HAVEN'T I?

SHE HAS TO KNOW.

PEOPLE CAN'T ALWAYS SEE WHAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM.

[ Band Playing ]

♪ I love the big witch doctor ♪

♪ Who stirred the brew for me ♪

♪ I took sips from your sweet lips ♪

♪ And now I can't get free ♪

♪ Trapped in the web of love ♪

♪ Trapped in the web of love ♪

I DID NOT.

LAST NIGHT, WITH ME, YOU SAID "JONATHAN."

IT WAS A MOAN.

FINE, YOU MOANED JONATHAN.

UH-UH.

IT WAS LIKE, "A-A-A-AHH."

MAYBE IT WAS "A-A-ANATHAN."

STILL NOT FLUFFING UP THE OLD EGO.

QUITE THE COUPLE, AREN'T THEY?

THEY GET INTO A FISTFIGHT, I'VE GOT A 50 ON ANYA.

WONDER IF THEY'LL MAKE IT.

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Jonathan ] OKAY, OKAY.

GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.

I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS SONG TO SOME FRIENDS OF MINE,

A VERY SPECIAL COUPLE WHO'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME.

[ Band Playing Ballad ]

♪ When I hear that serenade in blue ♪

♪ I'm someone in another world alone with you ♪

♪ Sharing all the joys we used to know ♪

♪ Many moons ago ♪

♪ Once again, your face comes back to me ♪

♪ Just like the theme of some forgotten ♪

♪ Melody ♪

♪ In the album of my memory ♪

♪ Serenade ♪

♪ In blue ♪

♪ Seems like only yesterday ♪

♪ A small cafe, a crowded floor ♪

♪ And as we danced the night away ♪

♪ I hear you say forever more ♪

♪ And then the song became a sign ♪

♪ Forever more became goodbye ♪

♪ Cause you remained in my heart ♪

♪ Tell me, darling, is there still a spark? ♪

BUFFY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW--

DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THE TALK?

NO TALK.

MORE DANCE.

I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M SORRY--

THAT IT'S ONLY YOU THAT I WANT.

I KNOW.

I KNOW ALL OF THAT.

YOU DO?

SINCE WHEN?

SINCE YOU PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME.

OH, MY GOD. HE'S GOING TO DO SOMETHING OFF THE NEW ALBUM.

XANDER?

YEAH?

LET'S GO HAVE SEX NOW.

YEAH.

OKAY.

OH! WHAT IS IT? YOU OKAY?

[ Band Stops Playing ]

KAREN.

THAT'S YOUR NAME ISN'T IT?

I SIGNED MY BOOK FOR YOU.

TELL ME WHAT HURT YOU, KAREN.

I CAN HELP.

LET'S GET YOU WARMED UP.

WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY ARE YOU HERE?

MR. LEVINSON.

SOMEONE ON YOUR STAFF REPORTED A DISTURBANCE.

WHEN I REALIZED IT WAS ON YOUR PROPERTY,

I THOUGHT I'D BETTER COME DOWN IN PERSON.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SERGEANT. I HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL.

OF COURSE, SIR. GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

KAREN, I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED,

BUT I NEED TO HEAR YOUR DESCRIPTION AGAIN.

I-IT WAS UGLY. BIG UGLY.

ALL BENT OVER SORT OF, WITH THESE HUGE ARMS,

AND, LIKE, SCABS AND STUFF.

THAT MUST HAVE BEEN VERY FRIGHTENING.

I'M SO SORRY--

OH! OH, I FORGOT! IT HAD A MARK.

A MARK?

ON ITS FOREHEAD, LIKE A SYMBOL.

WELL... THIS IS A CLUE.

JONATHAN?

I'VE HEARD OF THIS.

IT'S NOT A DEMON, JUST A MONSTER.

NOT MUCH MORE THAN AN ANIMAL.

STICKS TO THE WOODS,

DOESN'T COME NEAR POPULATED AREAS.

BUT IT DID THIS TIME. IT MIGHT AGAIN.

MAYBE WE SHOULD PATROL.

IF YOU WANT ME TO MOBILIZE A SQUAD--

ACTUALLY, I THINK KAREN SIMPLY STARTLED IT.

PROBABLY MORE AFRAID OF YOU THAN YOU WERE OF IT.

I'LL PATROL, BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

I CAN HANDLE IT ON MY OWN.

NOW, LET'S SEE ABOUT GETTING KAREN A RIDE HOME.

I WISH YOU'D GET RID OF THAT BODY.

THE SMELL'S MAKING ME HUNGRY.

YOU WOULDN'T WANT IT.

IT HAD A BLOOD DISEASE.

IT DIDN'T KNOW IT, BUT IT WOULD'VE BEEN DEAD WITHIN THE YEAR.

HUMANS SENSE SO LITTLE OF WHAT THEY CARRY INSIDE.

HUH. ALL RIGHT.

WELL, YOU'RE THE EVIL MESSIAH GUY, SO...

OH, HEY, THERE'S SOMETHING NEW IN TOWN.

YEAH, ATTACKED A GIRL, CAUSED A LITTLE FUSS.

OH, HE WAS THERE.

JONATHAN.

JONATHAN.

TELL ME, WHO IS HE?

HAH. YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?

JONATHAN IS JONATHAN.

LOOK.

THESE ARE LIES.

NONE OF THIS IS REAL.

THE WORLD HAS BEEN CHANGED.

IT'S INTRIGUING, BUT IT'S WRONG.

FEELS OKAY TO ME.

YOU'RE UNDER HIS SPELL, JUST LIKE THE OTHERS.

I SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NOT.

REALLY? WELL, WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL?

I'M AWARE.

I KNOW EVERY MOLECULE OF MYSELF

AND EVERYTHING AROUND ME.

NO ONE-- NO HUMAN, NO DEMON--

HAS EVER BEEN AS AWAKE AND ALIVE AS I AM.

YOU ARE ALL JUST SHADOWS.

OH.

SO--

WH-WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?

HEY, YOU COULD KILL JONATHAN!

WELL, ER, YOU COULD TRY.

THE GUY'S LIKE A DYNAMO OF ACTION.

I DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING.

THESE MAGICS ARE UNSTABLE, CORROSIVE.

THEY WILL INEVITABLY LEAD TO CHAOS.

AND I'M INTERESTED IN CHAOS.

JONATHAN, AREN'T YOU COMING TO BED?

IT'S GETTING LATE.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE OKAY.

EVERYONE IN THE BRONZE WAS PRETTY FREAKED OUT AFTER YOU LEFT.

SO, I GUESS YOU HAVE TO GO FIGHT THIS THING, HUH?

ALL THE WEAPONS ARE AT GILES'S.

IT SHOULDN'T TAKE TOO LONG.

NO GO.

DID YOU JUST GO, NO GO?

JONATHAN DID.

HE SAID IT WAS SOME BRAINLESS BEASTIE

AND HE WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT HIMSELF.

OH, COOL.

I GUESS.

I DON'T KNOW, IT JUST-- HE SEEMED A LITTLE...

SCARED.

UH, BUFFY, THIS IS JONATHAN.

YOU KNOW HE DOESN'T GET SCARED.

YOU TALKED ABOUT IT WHEN YOU GAVE HIM

THE CLASS- PROTECTOR AWARD AT THE PROM.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

[ Tara ] UM...

MY EXIT.

WILLOW, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW?

OKAY.

SO, I SAW YOU AND RILEY, WITH THE DANCING.

IT WAS A GREAT DANCE.

FOR THE FIRST TIME I FELT LIKE FAITH WASN'T THERE--

LIKE NO ONE WAS THERE BUT US.

[ Clank ]

[ Growls ]

AAH!

SENSUS CONFUNDANTUR ET AER OPPLEATUR.

OBSCURATAM.

[ Growling ]

[ Rapid Knocking On Door ]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, MY GOD.

[ Trembling ]

SHE'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

BUT SHE'S TERRIFIED.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID THIS?

SOMEONE FOUND HER IN THE JANITOR'S CLOSET ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

I THINK SHE WAS THERE ALL NIGHT. SHE WAS ALL ALONE.

TARA...

WHAT DID THIS?

BIG...LUMPY...

AND IT HAD SOMETHING ON ITS HEAD--

LIKE A GREEK LETTER, ONLY NOT.

THIS?

WAS IT THIS?

BUFFY, JONATHAN SAID WE WERE ALL SAFE.

JONATHAN SAID IT.

XANDER'S NOT HERE.

OH.

YOU'RE NOT GOING AWAY.

WHY AREN'T YOU GOING AWAY?

WELL, I WAS KIND OF HOPING

TO LOOK AT SOME OF XANDER'S STUFF.

OH.

SURE.

COME ON IN. MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME...

AND SO ON.

OH, YOU'RE STILL HERE?

THAT'S NICE.

MAY I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

DOES IT EVER SEEM JUST A LITTLE STRANGE

THAT JONATHAN IS SO GOOD AT EVERYTHING?

HE'S JONATHAN.

HEY.

I WAS JUST AT THE PART

WHERE HE INVENTS THE INTERNET.

ANYA, HE FIGHTS BETTER THAN I DO,

AND I'M THE SLAYER.

THE SLAYER.

I MEAN, THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN SOMETHING, RIGHT?

OH...

BUCK UP, YOU.

YOU KILL THE BEST. GO YOU.

KILL, KILL.

ACTUALLY NOT NEEDING VALIDATION RIGHT NOW, BUT THANK YOU.

HE JUST SEEMS TOO PERFECT.

I DON'T KNOW.

SO, I CAN HAVE MY BOOK BACK?

ANYA, WHEN YOU WERE A DEMON,

YOU GRANTED WISHES, RIGHT?

VENGEANCE WISHES ON EX-BOYFRIENDS.

I'D WISH HE WAS A DOG OR UGLY

OR IN LOVE WITH PRESIDENT McKINLEY OR SOMETHING.

BUT SOMEONE COULD WISH THE WHOLE WORLD TO BE DIFFERENT, RIGHT?

THAT'S POSSIBLE?

SURE, ALTERNATE REALITIES.

YOU COULD HAVE, LIKE, A WORLD WITHOUT SHRIMP

OR WITH, YOU KNOW...

NOTHING BUT SHRIMP.

YOU COULD EVEN MAKE, LIKE, A FREAKY WORLD WHERE JONATHAN'S,

LIKE, SOME KIND OF NOT-PERFECT MOUTH-BREATHER,

IF THAT'S WHAT'S BLOWING UP YOUR SKIRT THESE DAYS.

JUST DON'T ASK ME TO LIVE THERE.

OH.

NOW, IF, UH...

I CAN JUST HAVE MY BOOK BACK,

YOU'LL BE ON YOUR WAY SOMEPLACE ELSE.

HERE.

[ Buffy ] I'M JUST SAYING IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

HE STARRED IN THE MATRIX,

BUT HE NEVER LEFT TOWN.

AND HOW DID HE GRADUATE FROM MED SCHOOL?

HE'S ONLY 18 YEARS OLD.

EFFECTIVE TIME MANAGEMENT?

I'M SORRY, BUFFY,

BUT I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY.

YEAH, AND WHEN IS JONATHAN GONNA GET HERE

AND START THE MEETING?

THIS IS THE MEETING.

THIS IS THE MEETING?

WELL, I WAS JUST KIND OF...

WONDERING IF MAYBE ANYONE ELSE THOUGHT THAT...

JONATHAN WAS KIND OF TOO PERFECT?

NO, HE'S NOT.

HE'S JUST PERFECT ENOUGH.

HE CRUSHED THE BONES OF THE MASTER,

HE BLEW UP A BIG SNAKE MADE OUT OF MAYOR,

AND HE COACHED THE U.S. WOMEN'S SOCCER TEAM

TO A STUNNING WORLD CUP VICTORY.

WE SAW HIM DOING THOSE THINGS.

BUT THAT'S JUST IT.

I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE THAT WE CAN TRUST OUR MEMORIES.

ANYA, TELL THEM ABOUT THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSES.

OH, OKAY, UM...

SAY YOU REALLY LIKE SHRIMP A LOT,

OR WE COULD SAY YOU DON'T LIKE SHRIMP AT ALL.

"BLAH, I WISH THERE WEREN'T ANY SHRIMP," YOU'D SAY TO YOURSELF.

STOP. YOU'RE SAYING IT WRONG.

I THINK THAT JONATHAN MAY BE DOING SOMETHING

SO THAT HE'S MANIPULATING THE WORLD,

AND WE'RE ALL, LIKE, HIS PAWNS.

OR PRAWNS.

STOP WITH THE SHRIMP.

I AM TRYING TO DO SOMETHING HERE.

OF COURSE, BUT, UM,

I THINK YOU MAY BE A LITTLE OUT OF YOUR DEPTH.

I'M NOT.

IT SOUNDS LIKE NONSENSE.

BUT I'M STARTING TO KNOW THIS GIRL PRETTY WELL,

AND I THINK SHE SEES THINGS

THAT THE REST OF US DON'T.

I THINK, FOR ONCE, WE SHOULD FOLLOW HER LEAD.

OKAY.

I THINK JONATHAN MIGHT BE IGNORING EVIDENCE.

I THINK HE MIGHT HAVE LET TARA GET HURT.

ON PURPOSE?

NO.

NO.

HOW DID HE IGNORE EVIDENCE?

THE MONSTER HAD A MARK ON IT.

JONATHAN SAW IT, AND HE KIND OF...

BLINKED.

HE BLINKED.

THE MAN MOISTENS HIS EYEBALLS,

AND WE'RE HAVING A MEETING ABOUT IT.

HE KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT THE MONSTER.

HE WAS REACTING TO THE MARK.

OH! WAIT.

I REMEMBER SOMETHING.

GILES, DO YOU HAVE A JONATHAN SWIMSUIT CALENDAR?

NO.

YES.

IT WAS A GIFT.

NO.

NO.

WHOA.

NO.

[ Gasps ]

THERE.

OH.

YEAH, PRETTY DARN LICKABLE.

THE OTHER KIND OF OH.

THAT'S IT. THAT'S WHAT TARA SAW.

WHY WOULD JONATHAN HAVE THE SAME MARK AS THE MONSTER?

I DON'T KNOW,

BUT HE'S DEFINITELY KEEPING THIS--

[ Jonathan ] IS THIS A PRIVATE CONVERSATION?

OR CAN MR. JULY SIT IN?

JONATHAN.

HI. BUFFY WAS JUST SAYING

HOW YOU HAD A MONSTER CUT UP WILLOW'S FRIEND, AND--

BUFFY?

NO.

IT'S JUST--

THE MARK.

YOU SAID IT WAS SAFE AND IT WASN'T.

I'M SORRY. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THEN I'LL EXPLAIN.

BUFFY IS RIGHT.

NO.

I DO HAVE A HISTORY WITH THE CREATURE.

THE MONSTER.

THE PROBLEM IS EVERY TIME I FACE IT,

MY MIND BECOMES SORT OF CONFUSED.

THERE'S SOME KIND OF POWER IT POSSESSES.

OH, OH! HE'S LIKE YOUR KRYPTONITE.

MAYBE.

I JUST KNOW THAT IT TAKES ALL MY ENERGY

TO TRY AND FIGHT THE CONFUSION.

THAT'S WHY I HAD HIS MARK TATTOOED ON ME,

SO THAT I WOULDN'T UNDERESTIMATE IT NEXT TIME.

THIS DOES EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.

I KNEW HE WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING ON PURPOSE.

ME, TOO,

AND THAT WHOLE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE THING WAS TOO FREAKY.

JONATHAN...

LET'S GO AFTER THE MONSTER.

RIGHT NOW. YOU AND ME.

WELL, I'M SURE IT'S LEFT TOWN BY NOW.

THAT'S BEEN ITS PATTERN.

WE CAN TRY.

SURE.

LET'S DO THAT.

GOOD-BYE, JONATHAN. GOOD-BYE.

OH, LOOK.

JONATHAN.

TAKING THE LITTLE SIDEKICK OUT FOR A WALK, ARE WE?

SHUT UP, SPIKE.

OOH, SEMI-HARSH LANGUAGE FROM BETTY.

YOU'RE FEISTY WHEN THE BIG GUY'S STANDING BESIDE YOU.

SOMEDAY...

SWEET SLAYER...

I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE YOU ON,

SEE YOU FACE THE EVIL ALONE FOR ONCE.

THAT'S ENOUGH OF THE CREEPY SMALL TALK.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR A MONSTER.

WHY WOULD I KNOW ABOUT THAT?

EVERY DEMON IN THIS TOWN

IS GUNNING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW,

SO I FIGURE YOU'RE PROBABLY

KEEPING PRETTY GOOD TRACK OF THEM.

BIG ARMS, MARK ON ITS HEAD.

HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

NO, BUT THEN AGAIN, I'M PROBABLY LYING.

WE'RE NOT GETTING ANYTHING OUT OF HIM.

UNH! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH RELYING ON BUTCHER'S BLOOD THESE DAYS,

RIGHT, SPIKE?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

JUST THAT THE BUTCHERS IN THIS TOWN

RESPECT JONATHAN.

THEY DO HIM A FAVOR, AND YOU MIGHT FIND YOURSELF

GETTING KIND OF THIRSTY.

WELL, LOOK, I DON'T KNOW MUCH, OKAY?

SOME VAMPIRES GOT KICKED OUT OF A CAVE IN THE HILLS

BEHIND BROOKSIDE PARK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT DID THE KICKING OUT,

BUT IT WAS PROBABLY PRETTY BIG.

THAT WAS VERY GOOD.

VERY GOOD.

THESE SPELLS.

THESE REALLY WORK?

I MEAN, CAN YOU REALLY TURN YOUR ENEMIES INSIDE OUT

OR LEARN TO EXCRETE GOLD COINS?

THAT ONE'S NOT SO MUCH FUN.

THEY WORK, RILEY, BUT THEY TAKE CONCENTRATION,

BEING ATTUNED WITH THE FORCES OF THE UNIVERSE.

RIGHT, YOU CAN'T JUST GO

"LIBRUM INCENDERE" AND EXPECT--

XANDER, DON'T SPEAK LATIN IN FRONT OF THE BOOKS.

HEY! I FOUND THE MARK.

IT'S PART OF AN AUGMENTATION SPELL.

JONATHAN DID AN AUGMENTATION SPELL.

WHAT, UM, DID HE HAVE-- UH, YOU KNOW.

HIM AND HOW WE SEE HIM.

THIS SPELL TURNS THE SORCERER INTO A SORT OF PARAGON--

THE BEST OF EVERYTHING,

EVERYONE'S IDEAL.

BUT THERE'S A DRAWBACK.

A DRAWBACK?

THAT HAPPENS A LOT.

IN ORDER TO BALANCE THE NEW FORCE OF GOOD,

THE SPELL HAS TO CREATE THE OPPOSING FORCE OF EVIL--

THE WORST OF EVERYTHING, EVERYONE'S NIGHTMARE.

HE CREATED THE MONSTER.

SO WE'RE SAYING HE DID A SPELL

JUST TO MAKE US THINK HE WAS COOL?

YES.

THAT IS SO COOL.

GILES, BUFFY AND JONATHAN ARE GOING AFTER THIS NIGHTMARE THING.

ARE THEY GOING TO BE OKAY?

WELL, IT SEEMS THAT THE WELL-BEING OF THIS CREATURE

IS LINKED TO JONATHAN.

IT DIES, THE SPELL IS BROKEN,

JONATHAN REVERTS TO WHATEVER HE WAS BEFORE.

JONATHAN ISN'T GOING TO WANT BUFFY TO GET VERY FAR.

WOW.

FALL DOWN THERE AND BE DEAD FOR A WHILE.

YEAH.

DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN.

COME ON.

WE'VE GOT A MONSTER TO--

BUFFY WAS RIGHT.

BUFFY WAS RIGHT.

DOESN'T SOUND VERY LIKELY, DOES IT?

[ Riley ] SO IF THIS IS THE WORLD HE CREATED,

WHAT'S THE REAL WORLD LIKE?

I'M SCARED.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA CHANGE.

WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'LL REMAIN PRETTY MUCH THE SAME,

EXCEPT THAT JONATHAN WON'T BE JONATHAN.

WELL, NOT OUR JONATHAN, ANYWAY.

[ Xander ] NO, NO, NO.

WORLD WITHOUT SUNSHINE.

WORLD WITHOUT JOY.

[ Riley ] BUT WAIT.

IT ONLY CHANGES BACK IF BUFFY KILLS THIS THING.

I MEAN, IF SHE LOSES,

THEN WE COULD BE STUCK IN THIS WRONG WORLD FOREVER.

THINGS LOOKING UP.

I MEAN, WE'RE ALL HAPPY HERE, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, IF SHE DOESN'T GET KILLED.

GILES, CAN BUFFY DO IT?

I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW.

SHE'S NEVER STOOD ALONE AGAINST SOMETHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.

[ Monster ] AAARGH!

JONATHAN, WHAT DO I DO?

I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO HANDLE THIS ONE SOLO.

WHAT? BUT HOW?

YOU'LL KNOW. YOU USED TO.

AND THE MORE YOU HURT IT, THE MORE I'LL LOSE MY--

WHAT? LOSE YOUR--

I REMEMBER THIS.

THIS IS GOOD.

[ Willow ] I CAN'T BELIEVE WE BELIEVED IT.

IT SEEMED SO REAL.

WELL, IN THAT WORLD, IT WAS REAL.

ALTERNATE REALITIES ARE NEAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER?

WELL, THE SWIMSUIT CALENDAR'S STICKING IN MY MIND.

NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE WAY HE MADE ME FEEL ABOUT ME--

VALUED AND RESPECTED,

SORT OF TINGLY,

AND NOW I'M JUST...

EMPTY.

POOR XANDER.

I GUESS JONATHAN HURT YOU MOST OF ALL.

UM...

EXCEPT, OF COURSE, AFTER TARA.

DID ANYONE ELSE FEEL WAY TOO TALL?

I FELT WAY TOO TALL.

[ Xander ] I LIKED HIS CLOTHES.

HE HAD REALLY COOL CLOTHES.

[ Willow ] I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND

HOW HE GOT THE HOUSE AND EVERYTHING.

[ Anya ] AND WHO REALLY DID STAR IN THE MATRIX?

[ Riley ] WAIT, THAT WASN'T REAL EITHER?

I WASN'T SURE YOU'D COME OVER.

EVERYONE'S MOSTLY FORGETTING,

BUT I THINK SOME PEOPLE ARE KIND OF ANGRY.

YEAH.

NOBODY'S EVEN TALKING TO ME,

AND THE TWINS MOVED OUT.

WHY DID YOU DO IT, ANYWAY?

NO, I GET WHY. HOW?

AFTER THE THING WITH THE BELL TOWER AND THE GUN,

I WENT TO COUNSELING.

YOU KNOW, OTHER KIDS WITH PROBLEMS,

AND ONE OF THEM HAD THIS SPELL.

HE GLOSSED RIGHT OVER THE MONSTER.

WELL, ANYWAY, I JUST--

I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE.

NOBODY WAS SUPPOSED TO GET HURT.

JONATHAN, YOU GET WHY EVERYONE IS ANGRY, THOUGH, RIGHT?

IT'S NOT JUST THE MONSTER.

PEOPLE DIDN'T LIKE BEING THE LITTLE ACTORS

IN YOUR SOCK PUPPET THEATER.

YOU WEREN'T.

YOU WEREN'T SOCKS.

WE WERE FRIENDS.

JONATHAN, YOU CAN'T KEEP TRYING TO MAKE EVERYTHING WORK OUT

WITH SOME BIG GESTURE ALL AT ONCE.

THINGS ARE COMPLICATED.

THEY TAKE TIME AND WORK.

YEAH.

RIGHT.

HEY, BUFFY.

YOU REMEMBER I GAVE YOU SOME ADVICE?

WATCH OUT FOR SOUTHPAWS?

NO. ABOUT YOU AND RILEY.

I MEAN, THINGS ARE KIND OF STARTING TO BLUR,

BUT THIS COOL THING I SAID,

UM, THAT I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER,

I THINK IT'S RIGHT.

I THINK IT'S KIND OF THE SAME THING

YOU JUST SAID TO ME.

ABOUT THINGS TAKING WORK.

YEAH.

I REMEMBER.

GOOD.

BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

WHAT YOU HAVE IS REALLY COMPLICATED,

BUT IT'S WORTH IT.

I THINK THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

I'M GLAD WE TALKED THIS ALL OUT.

WE HAVEN'T TALKED AT ALL.

OH.

WELL, WHATEVER WE'RE DOING, WE'RE DOING IT GREAT.

MMM, JONATHAN.

GRR! ARRGH!