Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...

IT'S A FUCKING SHRINE, ALICE,

A BORDERING-ON-PSYCHOTIC, SERIAL KILLER,

OBSESSIVE-TYPE SHRINE!

I JUST DON'T WANT SOME DUDE LOOKING UP MY WOO-WOO.

LOOKING UP YOUR WOODLE?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO A LADY DOCTOR?

WELL, IF YOU KNOW BILLIE BLAIKIE,

HE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING SMALL.

DUDE, HE IS, LIKE, THE BEST PARTY PROMOTER IN TOWN.

THIS IS BILLIE BLAIKIE,

MY NEW MANAGER.

OH, YOU WON'T REGRET IT, MY DARLING.

TINA AND I WERE THINKING ABOUT HIRING A NANNY FOR ANGELICA.

I'D BE HONORED.

DO YOU JUST WANT TO BE MY FUCK-BUDDY ON THE ROAD?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

FUCK OFF!

CALM DOWN!

GET BACK IN THE TRUCK,

AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW A REAL MAN CAN FUCK.

LET HER GO, BITCH.

WELL, THERE'S YOUR FAGGOT BACK.

[TASER CRACKLES, GUY SHOUTS]

FUCK YOU!

* ONE, TWO

[***]

* WON'T YOU MEET ME, JESUS MEET ME *

* WON'T YOU MEET ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AIR *

* AND IF THESE WINGS SHOULD FAIL ME, LORD *

* WON'T YOU MEET ME WITH ANOTHER PAIR *

* WELL, WELL, WELL

* WON'T YOU MEET ME, JESUS OH *

* WON'T YOU MEET ME, JESUS, OH *

* WON'T YOU MEET ME, JESUS

* JESUS GONNA MAKE UP MY DYING BED *

* WHOA, WHOA

* MM-HMM

* AH, AH...

* EVER SINCE I'VE BEEN ACQUAINTED WITH JESUS *

* WE HAVEN'T BEEN A MINUTE APART *

* HE PLACED THE RECEIVER IN MY EAR *

* THREW RELIGION IN MY HEART

* WELL, WELL, WELL

* I CAN RING UP MY JESUS OH *

* I CAN RING UP MY JESUS OH *

* I CAN RING UP MY JESUS

* JESUS GONNA MAKE UP MY DYING BED... **

[WOMAN'S VOICE WHISPERING]: HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU.

BLESSED ARE YOU AMONG WOMEN,

AND BLESSED IS THE FRUIT OF YOUR WOMB.

HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD,

PRAY FOR US SINNERS,

NOW AND AT THE HOUR OF OUR DEATH.

HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU.

BLESSED ARE YOU AMONG WOMEN,

AND BLESSED IS THE FRUIT OF YOUR WOMB.

HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD...

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU.

BLESSED ARE YOU AMONG WOMEN...

[GASPING]

PRAY FOR US SINNERS,

NOW AND AT THE HOUR OF OUR DEATH.

HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU.

BLESSED ARE YOU AMONG WOMEN,

AND BLESSED IS THE FRUIT OF YOUR WOMB.

HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD,

PRAY FOR US SINNERS,

NOW AND AT THE HOUR OF OUR DEATH.

[BUS HORN HONKS]

[***]

* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *

* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *

* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *

* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *

* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *

* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *

* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *

* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING

* THIS IS THE WAY...

* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *

* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE

* AND LOVE *

CHASE INVITED US TO COME BY,

AND... I DON'T KNOW, WE'LL SEE.

WHOA.

HEY!

HEY...

HOLD UP.

HI. THIS IS CARMEN.

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

COME ON IN.

[***]

WHAT HAPPENED?

THIS PLACE IS SOMETHING.

THIS IS IT.

WOW.

GUYS, THIS IS SHANE, CARMEN.

HEY.

DUDE, THIS IS SO COOL.

ONE FOR THE GRAVEYARD.

THIS PLACE IS AWESOME.

CHECK IT OUT.

THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING.

THESE ARE ALL OUR BOARD DESIGNS.

WE DO, LIKE, CUSTOM STUFF, YOU KNOW.

EXCELLENT.

THESE ARE MY STENCIL MASTERS.

DO YOU HAVE THAT SPECIAL ONE?

THANKS.

HEY, COULD YOU SET THAT UP?

SHANE, I COULD TOTALLY GIG IN THIS VEST.

OH, YEAH.

DO YOU THINK? HELL, YEAH.

I LIKE YOUR VEST.

THANKS.

I LOVE THIS PLACE.

I DO, I LOVE IT HERE, BUT, UM...

WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ME TO DO?

OKAY, WE INSTALL A CHAIR FOR YOU

OVER HERE, RIGHT?

JUST ONE CHAIR,

BECAUSE I WANT PEOPLE LINING UP

TO GET ON YOUR SCHEDULE,

AND THEN I'M GOING TO GET MY BOYFRIEND

TO BUILD YOU A REALLY PHAT COUNTER OVER HERE.

EVENTUALLY, WE COULD DO, LIKE,

A LINE OF HAIR PRODUCTS OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW?

CHECK IT OUT.

SHANE FOR WAX.

SO THIS IS A REUNION OF SORTS,

A FORMER LOVER PERHAPS, OR A CHILDHOOD FRIEND.

NO, I'D SAY

IT'S A FORMER ROMANTIC INTEREST.

WILL WE BE GETTING BACK TOGETHER,

ME AND THIS EX-LOVER?

IT LOOKS LIKE

YOU'RE GOING TO START A WHOLE NEW KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.

IT'S VERY INTERESTING.

WAS THERE ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR

THAT YOU WANTED TO ASK THE CARDS ABOUT?

NO...

WORK?

ROMANCE? FAMILY?

WELL, I'D...

I WOULDN'T MIND A LITTLE BIT OF ADVICE

ABOUT THIS NEW BUSINESS VENTURE OF OURS.

THESE FILM PEOPLE--

THEY'RE SO BIZARRE, YOU KNOW?

ONE MINUTE, THEY'RE...

ONE MINUTE, THEY'RE BROWN-NOSING ME,

AND THE NEXT, THEY'RE TALKING TO ME

LIKE I'M A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT.

WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD

AND PICK THREE MORE CARDS?

ALL RIGHT...

WELL, THERE'S NO MYSTERY TO RUNNING THIS BUSINESS...

IF YOU FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS

AND SURROUND YOURSELF

WITH PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW AND TRUST.

PEOPLE I KNOW?

THERE'S SOMEBODY,

SOMEBODY FROM YOUR PAST,

WHO COULD BE A REAL ASSET TO YOU IN THIS VENTURE.

OH!

LOOK AT THAT.

IT'S THE SAME PERSON.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[BABY COOING]

[BETTE SPEAKING SOFTLY TO BABY]

HELLO?

JULIA. HI.

NO, NO, I WAS JUST TRYING TO PUT HER DOWN FOR A NAP.

WHAT'S UP?

YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

THE N.E.A. GRANT?

BUT I DON'T...

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

BECAUSE OF THE POLITICAL CONTENT?

WHAT ARE THEY...

NO, NO. GO AHEAD, GO. JUST TAKE IT.

BUT CALL ME BACK, AND TELL ME WHAT THEY RECOMMEND,

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, I THINK WE SHOULD SUE THEM.

NO, I'M NOT KIDDING.

YEAH, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

THE N.E.A. JUST PULLED THEIR FUNDING

BECAUSE THE ART OF DISSENT

IS CRITICAL OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION.

WHAT? THAT'S GOT TO BE UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

YEAH, WELL, JULIA'S TALKING TO HER LAWYERS

ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.

THEY'RE TRYING TO GET HER

INTO SOME KIND OF SUBCOMMITTEE HEARING

TO TESTIFY BEFORE CONGRESS.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE NEW McCARTHYISM,

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

ARE YOU GOING TO LOSE YOUR STIPEND?

I DON'T KNOW, PROBABLY.

I MEAN, BECAUSE IT WAS ALLOCATED

OUT OF THE N.E.A. GRANT.

THIS ADMINISTRATION IS FUCKING CRIMINAL.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,

THE FIRST AMENDMENT WILL BE--

WE HAVE TO LET GO OF ANGUS.

WE HAVE TO LET ANGUS GO.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT.

WE CAN'T AFFORD HIM.

WE COULDN'T AFFORD HIM BEFORE YOU LOST YOUR FUNDING.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET REAL ABOUT OUR FINANCES,

OR WE'RE GOING TO BE COMPLETELY WIPED OUT.

THANKS.

THANK YOU FOR LAYING

YOUR PETTY, BOURGEOIS ANXIETY

ON TOP OF MY ALREADY PROFOUND ANGER

AND DISAPPOINTMENT

OVER LOSING SOMETHING THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.

GIVE HER TO ME-- THANK YOU.

JUST GIVE HER TO ME.

LOOK, I'LL FEED HER.

YEAH, THIS IS BETTE PORTER FOR GRAYDEN ASHE.

GRAYDEN, HOW ARE YOU?

NO, I JUST WAS--

I WAS LOOKING AT THE AUCTION CALENDAR,

AND I SEE THAT YOU HAVE IMPORTANT PHOTOGRAPHS AND PRINTS

COMING UP NEXT WEEK.

WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING MAYBE ONE OF MY MAPPLETHORPES...

MAYBE ONE OF THE STILL LIFES WOULD...

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, I'M THINKING ABOUT

AUCTIONING SOMETHING FROM MY PERSONAL COLLECTION.

NO, NO. UH-UH.

I DON'T WANT TO SELL MY KIKI SMITHS.

THEY WERE THE FIRST PRINTS THAT I EVER--

HOW MUCH?

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE, LIKE, MAYBE SPIN IT.

TRY SPINNING IT.

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, MY GOD, THAT'S YUMMY,

BUT I THINK YOU CAN BE EVEN BOLDER

WITH THE GINGER.

BE BOLD WITH THE GINGER, YEAH.

WHAT'S THIS?

JAMBON OR PROSCIUTTO?

NO, IT'S SPECK.

IT'S A SALT AND COLD CURED HAM

FROM THE NORTH OF ITALY.

REALLY? OKAY, STOP SPINNING IT NOW.

WHAT THE FUCK...

BRAVISSIMA, CARA MIA.

HEY, LISTEN,

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT DOING ANY VEGAN SELECTIONS?

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, CAN YOU DO ANYTHING FABULOUS

WITH SEITAN OR TEMPEH?

BILLIE, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

I WAS GOING OVER THE NEW MENU WITH LARA,

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

A LOT OF OUR COMMUNITY ARE VEGETARIANS,

A LOT ARE VEGAN,

AND GOD FORBID WE SHOULD FORGET

THOSE LACTOSE-INTOLERANT LESBIANS.

UH, BILLIE, WE DID NOT DISCUSS CHANGING THE MENU.

OH, COME ON, KIT,

YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH EVERY SINGLE DETAIL WITH ME.

I DON'T?

NO.

YOU WANT ME TO COME IN HERE, TAKE CHARGE,

AND FREE THINGS UP FOR YOU.

HEY, DARLING. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

AND THEN YOU CAN GO OFF AND WRITE YOUR SONGS

AND PERFORM YOUR MUSIC AND MAKE YOUR RECORD.

I DO?

YES, YOU DO.

YOU KNOW, YOU JUST HAVE TO TRUST

THAT BILLIE BLAIKIE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

IT'S FUCKING FREEZING IN HERE.

OH-- DON'T YOU...

STOP THAT. DON'T TOUCH--

IT'S BOILING IN HERE.

I'M SO HOT.

CHECK OUT THESE THINGS.

ANYBODY IN HERE HOT?

[EVERYBODY]: NO.

ANYBODY COLD?

[EVERYBODY]: YES!

DEMOCRACY AT WORK.

THE OTHER THING I WAS THINKING ABOUT, KIT DARLIN',

WAS THAT IT WOULD BE REALLY NICE AND HOSPITABLE

IF WE COULD, LIKE, HOOK UP ONE OF THOSE VIRTUAL LANs

AND HAVE A COUPLE OF FREE TERMINALS.

VIRTUAL WHAT?

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, OUR PEOPLE,

THEY'RE KIND OF USED TO HAVING WIRELESS

WITH THEIR COFFEE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

WHOSE TRUCK IS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

OH...

AND WHO IS THAT?

JENNY'S GIRLFRIEND?

GIRLFRIEND?

AH...

YOU FUCKING LUNATIC.

WHA-HOO!

OH, MY GOD...

OH, MY GOD, YOU.

HI!

OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS LOOK AMAZING.

LOOK AT YOU!

WOW...

OH, MY GOD.

HI.

OH, THIS IS MOIRA.

YOU MUST BE SHANE. I AM.

AND THAT'S CARMEN.

HI. HEY.

LOOK AT YOUR HAIR.

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

DID YOU JUST GET HERE?

YEAH, WE DID.

YEAH, WE JUST ROCKED UP.

WE BARELY HAD TIME TO TAKE A PISS.

AH...

WE BEEN DRIVING FOR, LIKE, 15 HOURS.

[DOG BARKING] OH, MY GOD...

YEAH, WE'RE PUPPY-SITTING FOR A FRIEND.

WELL, HELLO THERE.

COME SAY HI.

WHO IS THIS?

THIS IS OTTO.

HI, OTTO!

WHO DOES THIS BELONG TO?

HI, OTTO.

YOU DON'T MIND, RIGHT?

NO, I JUST HAVE A BIT OF ALLERGIES.

NO, NO, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

HE'S PART PIT BULL, AND HE'S A BIT HAIRLESS, TOO,

SO YOUR ALLERGIES SHOULD BE JUST FINE.

YOU KNOW, UM, ACTUALLY,

PEOPLE ARE USUALLY ALLERGIC TO THE SALIVA

MORE THAN THE HAIR.

NORMALLY.

OH.

HUH...

HE'S PEEING, HE'S PEEING.

OH, SHIT.

GOD, DID HE PEE AGAIN?

WHY...

WHY DO YOU PEE ON PEOPLE?

WHY?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

HOW ABOUT WE HELP YOU WITH YOUR BAGS?

OH, YOU GIRLS JUST RELAX

AND LET US BUTCHES UNLOAD THE TRUCK.

COME ON, SHANE.

WHAT? OW!

BIG BUTCH. WHAT?

GO UNLOAD THE TRUCK.

* HELLO TO THE CAR

* SO GLAD TO SEE YOU

* HELLO TO THE TREE

* SO GLAD TO SEE YOU, TOO

* HELLO, MISTER TABLE

* SO GLAD TO SEE YOU

* HELLO, MISTER PALM TREE--

HEY, WAIT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT CHILD?

I'M TAKING HER FOR A WALK.

WHO SAID YOU COULD?

HER MOTHER. WHO ARE YOU?

HER AUNT, KIT PORTER.

OH, ANGUS... PARTRIDGE.

I'M HER MANNY.

OH, UH...

EXCUSE ME, DID YOU SAY HER MANNY?

YUP.

OH, SO MY SISTER HIRES A DUDE TO TAKE CARE OF HER BABY.

OH, WELL...

SHE'S SUCH A PROBLEM SOLVER, THAT GIRL.

SHE IS A VERY SMART LADY. YES, SHE IS.

WELL, ANGUS, THE MANNY.

I GOING TO CALL YOU... MANGUS.

OKAY.

WHY DON'T YOU COME IN AND HAVE SOMETHING?

COME AND HAVE A DRINK.

[***]

SO THAT'S MY OFFICE.

[CHUCKLING]

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO DO IT UP.

I'LL SHOW YOU ONE OF THE SOUND STAGES.

SO HAS BETTE FOUND A NEW JOB YET?

OH, SHE'S GOOD AND HUNGRY.

LOOK AT HER.

HEY, SISTER, SIT OVER HERE.

I'M WITH MANGUS.

HEY.

HI!

I SEE YOU'VE MET MY SISTER.

YEAH, I THINK SHE PUT FIVE POUNDS ON ME.

OH, HE CAN AFFORD IT

WITH THAT SKINNY BOOTY OF HIS.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE SO SMALL

AND TIGHT?

I'M REALLY NOT IN THE HABIT OF CHECKING OUT THE NANNY'S ASS.

OH, WHAT DID YOU GET AT THE BODHI TREE?

I GOT GOING TO PIECES WITHOUT FALLING APART

BY MARK EPSTEIN.

WHY ARE YOU GOING TO PIECES?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL,

THE N.E.A. PULLED THE GRANT FOR MY SHOW THIS MORNING

BECAUSE WE LIVE IN THE MOST REPRESSIVE POLITICAL CLIMATE

IN THE LAST 50 YEARS.

OH, THAT'S SO FUCKED UP.

YEAH, AND THEN SECONDLY,

TINA IS SO FREAKED OUT ABOUT MONEY

THAT I'M BEGINNING TO THINK

THAT MAYBE I SHOULD CONSIDER TAKING THAT CITIBANK JOB,

WHICH JUST MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING A JOB

THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOUR HEART SING.

TELL IT LIKE IT IS, MANGUS.

AND BEING ANGELICA'S NANNY?

MAKES MY HEART SING, TOTALLY.

YAY!

YAY!

OH, PEMA CHODRON.

READ THIS ONE FIRST-- COMFORTABLE WITH UNCERTAINTY.

KIT...

THANKS FOR THE CALORIES.

BYE...

KIT?

OH!

UH... OOPS.

HE IS ONE CUTE MANNY.

YOU'RE SO BAD.

[HELENA]: I'VE DECIDED I'M GOING TO HAVE

MUCH MORE OF A PRESENCE HERE.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE FILM INDUSTRY,

BUT I KNOW WE CAN DO BETTER THAN WE HAVE BEEN.

SHAOLIN'S ONLY EVER BEEN INTERESTED

IN LOW-BUDGET B SLASHER MOVIES.

NOT NOW THAT PEABODY OWNS IT.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT OUR PUBLISHING HOUSE.

WE HAVE STYRON, DIDION, JOYCE CAROL OATES, NABOKOV.

YOU SHOULD BE MINING ALL THOSE TITLES

FOR DEVELOPMENT.

EXACTLY.

SO...

ARE YOU INTERESTED?

AM I INTERESTED IN WHAT, HELENA?

COMING TO WORK FOR ME--

WELL, WITH ME.

YOU HAVE MUCH MORE EXPERIENCE AT THIS RACKET

THAN I DO,

SO YOU'D PRETTY MUCH HAVE FREE REIGN

TO DO WHATEVER YOU THINK BEST...

WITHIN REASON.

OH, GOD...

OKAY, SO I JUST WENT

AND LOCKED HIM UP IN MY STUDIO,

BUT YOU DON'T THINK

HE'S GOING TO EAT ANYTHING IN THERE, DO YOU?

I HOPE NOT.

HEY. HI.

EXCUSE ME, THERE, BUDDY.

OH. OH...

I'M JUST GOING TO MOVE SOME OF THESE BAGS

INTO OUR BEDROOM.

DO YOU WANT SOME HELP?

NO, I'VE GOT IT, THANKS.

[UNDER BREATH]: "OUR" FUCKING BEDROOM?

"OUR" BEDROOM?

SHE SAID "OUR" BEDROOM.

DON'T LOOK AT ME.

WELL, DON'T YOU WANT TO FIND OUT?

NO, THIS IS JENNY'S HOUSE.

I KNOW, AND THAT'S GREAT,

BUT DON'T YOU THINK

WE SHOULD'VE HAD SOME NOTICE

IF WE WERE GOING TO GET AN EXTRA ROOMMATE?

HONEY, I'M SURE WE'LL FIND OUT THEIR PLANS

TONIGHT AT DINNER.

OH, MY GOD, IS SHE COMING TO DINNER WITH US?

OF COURSE SHE'S COMING TO DINNER WITH US.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

OF COURSE SHE'S COMING TO DINNER.

COME ON-- I KNOW SHE'S NICE.

DON'T BE LIKE THAT.

OKAY, OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT--

HEY, YOU GUYS...

WE BROUGHT YOU A PRESENT FROM LA JUNTA, COLORADO.

WHAT'S THAT?

COW'S BALLS?

[ALICE]: FROM HER NEW ALBUM ON MARFA RECORDS,

THAT WAS AMY COOK

SINGING, "MILLION HOLES IN HEAVEN,"

AND I'M ALICE PIESZECKI,

AND YOU'RE LISTENING TO THE CHART ON KCRW.

WELCOME BACK.

TODAY ON THE CHART,

WE'RE LOOKING AT HOW DO YOU END A VICIOUS CYCLE?

OH, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE IN RADIOLAND

WHO ARE SICK OF HEARING ME RANT ABOUT MY EX, DANA,

YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THIS IS NOT ABOUT HER.

THIS CONTINUUM OF CONNECTEDNESS IS ABOUT THE CAUSE AND EFFECT

OF ONE PSYCHOTROPIC DRUG AFTER ANOTHER

TO THE POINT WHERE YOU'RE MEDICATING YOUR MEDICATION.

WHY DON'T WE START

WITH THE VERY FIRST ANTI-DEPRESSANT I TRIED.

[LAUGHTER]

[***]

IT MADE ME JUST A LITTLE INTENSE.

[AIR HISSING]

SO THEN I SAID TO MY DOCTOR,

"CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING STRONG, REALLY STRONG,

"THAT'LL JUST MAKE ME HAPPY?

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

SO HE GAVE ME LITHIUM.

SO THIS ONE REALLY JUST MADE ME HALLUCINATE THAT I WAS HAPPY.

DID YOU CHANGE YOUR HAIR?

THEN THE WITHDRAWAL FROM THOSE TWO DRUGS

GAVE ME A.D.D.

SO I GOT THE A.D.D. DRUG.

YOU KNOW THE ONE.

I SNORT MINE.

DO YOU SNORT YOURS?

GERBERMEUNSTER WROTE ME A PRESCRIPTION

FOR THE NEW SSRI, WHICH HE HIGHLY RECOMMENDS,

BUT SAID, UNDER RARE CASES, MAY CAUSE ME TO COMMIT SUICIDE.

SO I WAS A LITTLE SCARED TO TAKE THOSE,

WHICH MEANT I WASN'T ON ANYTHING,

WHICH MEANT I ACTUALLY FELT LIKE HAVING SEX AGAIN...

WHICH REALLY MADE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

[SOBS]

HOW LONG AGO DID YOU FIRST NOTICE IT?

UH, JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO.

OKAY...

ACTUALLY, I PROBABLY NOTICED IT BEFORE THAT,

BUT IT KIND OF WENT AWAY, SO...

I DO HAVE A RASH, IF YOU COULD TAKE A LOOK AT IT.

AH, I BET THAT'S FROM YOUR SPORTS BRA,

AND I CAN GIVE YOU A LITTLE HYDROCORTISONE CREAM

TO HELP SOOTHE IT,

BUT IS THERE ANY HISTORY OF BREAST CANCER IN YOUR FAMILY?

NOT THAT I KNOW OF.

YOU REALLY SHOULD FIND OUT, DANA.

ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL ALIVE?

YES, STILL ALIVE, STILL TOGETHER.

GREAT.

SO ASK YOUR MOM FOR A HISTORY OF YOUR FAMILY, OKAY,

BECAUSE IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, A GOOD THING TO KNOW.

MM-HMM.

SO HAVE THERE BEEN ANY CHANGES

IN THE COLOR OR TEXTURE OF YOUR BREASTS?

MM-MM, NO.

AND ANY DISCHARGE FROM THE NIPPLE?

MM, NO.

OKAY, UP YOU GET.

USUALLY, THESE LITTLE CYSTS ARE BENIGN.

A LOT OF WOMEN JUST HAVE LUMPY BREASTS.

I DO, I HAVE FIBROUS BREASTS.

IT'S PRETTY GROSS.

IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL,

AND I'M JUST CHECKING YOUR LYMPH NODES HERE.

ESPECIALLY IN WOMEN YOUR AGE,

IT'S UNLIKELY

THERE'S ANYTHING TO BE TOO CONCERNED ABOUT.

OKAY.

I'LL JUST CHECK THE OTHER SIDE FOR YOU.

OKAY.

WELL, THE LYMPH NODES ARE A LITTLE SWOLLEN,

BUT THAT COULD BE FROM ANYTHING,

A COLD,

EVEN BRUSHING YOUR TEETH TOO HARD.

I AM A SUPER HARD TEETH BRUSHER.

WELL, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG, DANA,

TO START GETTING MAMMOGRAMS ON A REGULAR BASIS,

BUT I'D LIKE TO DO ONE

JUST TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

SO I AM GOING TO SEND YOU DOWN

TO RADIATION,

AND YOU JUST TAKE THAT WITH YOU.

FUCK...

OH!

HI, RUTH. HOW ARE YOU?

27, ALICE.

27...

27? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THAT'S THE NUMBER OF TIMES THAT YOU MENTIONED DANA

IN THIS BROADCAST,

WHICH IS DOWN

FROM 43 IN THE PREVIOUS SHOW.

SEE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

I'M PRACTICALLY OVER HER.

I COULD FIRE YOU RIGHT NOW.

YOU COULD?

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO.

I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE,

BUT I NEED TO KNOW IN ADVANCE

WHAT YOUR TOPICS ARE GOING TO BE,

AND I'D LIKE TO SEE A SCRIPT.

YES, I'D LIKE TO SEE A SCRIPT--

I NEED TO SEE A SCRIPT,

IN WHICH THE LETTERS D-A FOLLOWED BY N-A

ARE NOWHERE IN EVIDENCE.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

OKAY.

OKAY...

YOU LOOK GOOD!

IN THE ORANGE...

OKAY, COME CLOSER.

I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR BREAST...

COME ON.

LIKE THIS?

MM-HMM. I'LL PLACE IT ON THE LOWER PLATE...

THAT'S GOOD.

LIKE THIS? JUST...

MM-HMM. ALL RIGHT.

AND THEN I'M GOING TO LOWER THE UPPER PLATE.

OKAY.

NOW, IT MAY BE A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE,

BUT IT'LL ONLY LAST FOR A FEW SECONDS.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I'M A HARD-ASS...

A HARD BOOB.

HOLD YOUR BREATH.

OKAY.

[MACHINERY CLICKS, WHIRS]

[WOMAN, OVER RADIO]: THIS IS KCRW SANTA MONICA

AT 89.9.

HAND-PICKED MUSIC AND NPR NEWS

MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT.

DON'T FORGET TO LISTEN TO THE CHART

WITH ALICE PIESZECKI

THURSDAY AFTERNOON AT 3:00.

[ALICE, RECORDED VOICE]: DANA!

[LAUGHING]

EXCUSE ME?

EXCUSE ME, SORRY.

WOULD YOU MIND TURNING THAT OFF?

THANKS.

GOD, THAT SHOW IS SO FUNNY.

ALICE PIESZECKI, THE HOST,

IS COMPLETELY FALLING APART

BECAUSE HER GIRLFRIEND LEFT HER.

THE GIRLFRIEND JUST SEEMS LIKE THIS COMPLETE NITWIT,

AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHY ALICE

IS SO OBSESSED WITH HER IN THE FIRST PLACE--

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHY THIS IS TAKING SO LONG?

DANA FAIRBANKS?

DR. WILSON IS WAITING FOR YOU IN HER OFFICE.

YOU CAN GO BACK UPSTAIRS.

OKAY, THANKS.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[WOMAN, OVER P.A.]: DR. WILDER, TELEPHONE,

EXTENSION 23.

"BI RAD"?

IT SOUNDS LIKE A PERSONAL AD FOR MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.

RIGHT.

WELL, A BIRAD 4 IS A DIAGNOSTIC ASSESSMENT.

NOW, THIS SUSPICIOUS MASS, DANA,

IT COULD BE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

IT COULD BE WHAT WE CALL

A FIBROADENOMA.

FIBER... EDAMAME?

I'VE GOT SOY BEAN PODS IN MY BOOBS?

IT'S A BENIGN SOLID LUMP,

BUT WITH A BIRAD 4, WE'RE GOING TO DO A BIOPSY.

NOW, I CAN GET YOU IN FOR THAT TOMORROW

WITH DR. SHAPIRO.

I'M SUPPOSED TO GO OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT.

YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.

I MEAN, JUST DO EXACTLY AS YOU WERE PLANNING TO DO,

BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A DIAGNOSIS,

AND WITH BIOPSIES IN PREMENOPAUSAL WOMEN,

THEY'RE MOSTLY BENIGN.

SO IT'S... IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING, RIGHT?

WELL, WE'RE GOING TO FIND OUT FOR SURE,

BUT TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, SURE, I CAN DO THAT.

YEAH.

IS SHE ASLEEP?

UH-HUH, IN OUR BED.

HOW WAS YOUR LUNCH WITH HELENA?

IT'S... UH, FINE.

ARE YOU HIDING A BOOK IN THAT MAGAZINE?

IT'S, UM,

MARK EPSTEIN TALKED ABOUT IT

IN HIS LECTURE LAST WEEK.

SHE'S A BUDDHIST PHILOSOPHER, PEMA CHODRON.

OH...

OH, CUTE.

SHE LOOKS LIKE A WOOKIE.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S A LOT IN THERE

THAT REMINDED ME OF YOU.

THERE'S THIS ONE PASSAGE...

UM...

"WE WORK ON OURSELVES IN ORDER TO HELP OTHERS,

"BUT WE ALSO HELP OTHERS

IN ORDER TO WORK ON OURSELVES."

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

SOME OF THE PEOPLE I WORKED WITH,

THEY'RE TRULY SELFLESS.

OH, NO, NO.

I DON'T THINK SHE MEANT IT THE WAY THAT YOU'RE TAKING IT--

OH.

THAT'S, UM...

OH, ACTUALLY, THERE'S ANOTHER PASSAGE

THAT REMINDED ME OF ME.

I...

"FEELING IRRITATED, RESTLESS, AFRAID, AND HOPELESS...

[BABY STIRS]

...IS A REMINDER TO LISTEN MORE CAREFULLY."

I'M GOING TO GO FEED HER

IF WE'RE GOING TO GO TO THIS JENNY DINNER.

WILL YOU CALL ANGUS

AND MAKE SURE HE'S ON HIS WAY?

HELENA PEABODY OFFERED ME A JOB.

HI...

ARE YOU CONSIDERING IT?

I DON'T KNOW YET.

SOMEBODY IN THIS FAMILY'S GOT TO MAKE A LIVING.

I HAVE MADE A LIVING FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS.

I DON'T THINK MY ABILITY TO MAKE A LIVING

IS REALLY IN QUESTION.

I'M NOT QUESTIONING YOUR ABILITY.

I'M QUESTIONING YOUR DESIRE.

I THOUGHT YOU HATED THE MOVIE BUSINESS.

THERE'S A LOT I HATE ABOUT THE MOVIE BUSINESS.

I DEFINITELY HAVEN'T SAID YES,

BUT SHE MADE IT VERY ATTRACTIVE.

SO THEN THERE'S NO REASON

THAT I SHOULD FEEL THREATENED, OR...

NO, THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US ANYMORE.

NOTHING AT ALL.

WELL, DID YOU TALK ABOUT MONEY?

NO, NOT YET.

I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW.

I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I'M OKAY WITH IT. I...

I'M NOT SURE IT'S UP TO YOU.

[ALICE]: YOU KNOW WHAT,

YOU GUYS,

I TOTALLY THINK IT'S AN EITHER/OR.

I THINK JENNY CAN HAVE ME AT THIS PARTY,

OR SHE CAN HAVE DANA AND LARA.

JENNY'S GIRLFRIEND'S A HUGE TENNIS FAN.

SHE THINKS DANA'S FANTASTIC.

WELL, WHOOP-DE-FUCKING-DO.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY I'M ALWAYS THE ONE

WHO ALWAYS HAS TO BEHAVE.

[WHISPERING]: SHANE. YEAH.

COME HERE.

OH, MY GOD, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?

THAT'S NOTHING. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE.

HEY, AL, CAN YOU HURRY UP?

WE'RE LATE!

OKAY!

I'M EXCITED WE'RE GOING TO TILE.

IT WAS WRITTEN UP LAST WEEK

IN L.A. MAGAZINE.

SUPPOSEDLY THIS CHEF, ARMYAN PEARLMAN,

IS REINVENTING THE FOOD PREPARATION--

YEAH, I'M...

I'M THROWING IT AWAY.

I'M DONE WITH IT.

I JUST HAVEN'T GOTTEN AROUND TO IT, OKAY?

YEAH. YEAH, TOTALLY.

THAT'S FINE.

HEY, DO YOU THINK MY LIPSTICK'S, LIKE,

TOO LURID?

MM, YOU KNOW,

WHY DON'T YOU JUST BLOT IT A LITTLE BIT.

REALLY? DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING?

YEAH.

THAT'S OKAY.

OKAY, LET'S GO.

[ALICE]: SO, WHAT'S JENNY'S NEW GIRLFRIEND LIKE?

[WHISPERS]: WOW...

UM, JENNY'S GIRLFRIEND?

I THINK SHE'S SWEET.

YEAH? YEAH...

SHANE, LOCK THE DOOR.

[LOW CONVERSATION, INDISTINCT]

OH, I KNOW.

HEY...

HEY, GUYS.

HEY...

BEEN WAITING LONG? NO.

HI. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

HI, ALICE.

HEY.

IS JENNY WITH YOU GUYS?

NO, NO, BUT SHE'LL BE HERE SOON.

HOW IS SHE? SHE SEEMS REALLY GOOD.

YEAH, SHE'S GOT A NEW GIRLFRIEND.

REALLY? YEAH.

IMPORTED FROM SPOKANE.

SKOKIE.

WHATEVER. THEY'RE BOTH IN THE MIDWEST, RIGHT?

BUT SHE'S OKAY?

SHE'S HAPPY, SHE'S NOT...

SHE'S HEALTHY, RIGHT, AND SHE'S NOT DOING THE...

YEAH, NO, NO, NO.

I THINK SHE'S BEEN OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, NOW,

FOR FIVE MONTHS.

SHE SEEMS TO BE DOING REALLY WELL.

OH, GOOD.

I HAD A COUSIN WHO WAS A CUTTER.

THE URGE IS SO POWERFUL.

HI.

HEY...

HI. I'M SORRY.

HI! HOW ARE YOU?

YOU LOOK GREAT.

HOW WAS THE DRIVE OVER?

GREAT. HI.

OH, I'M SORRY. THIS IS MOIRA.

HEY...

HEY.

HI, EVERYBODY.

HI.

NICE TO MEET YOU. I'M BETTE.

MOIRA.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

HEY.

YOU KNOW, DANA, MOIRA'S A HUGE FAN OF YOURS.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH, I'M A REALLY HUGE FAN, ACTUALLY.

THAT'S NICE. THANK YOU.

[LOW CONVERSATION]

UM...

I'LL JUST HAVE A SALAD AND A SIDE OF FRIES.

TONIGHT'S GREEN SALAD IS ROCKET, FRISEE,

AND SHAVED JERUSALEM ARTICHOKES

WITH A PINECONE-INFUSED JUS.

AND HOW MUCH IS THAT?

$14, MA'AM.

OKAY.

ACTUALLY, I STILL READ SCREENPLAYS

FOR A COUPLE SCREENWRITER FRIENDS THAT I KNOW.

I WOULD LOVE THAT.

HAVE YOU DECIDED, MA'AM?

I WOULD LIKE WHATEVER THE CHEF RECOMMENDS.

WHAT'S GOOD TONIGHT?

ARMYAN IS RECOMMENDING THE LOBSTER TONIGHT.

IT COMES WITH SAUTEED BABY CHICORY,

LEMON FROTH, AND SHAVED DRIED TUNA ROE.

SOLD.

SOUNDS REALLY GOOD.

I LOVE LOBSTER.

OH, BABY, YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT.

ARMYAN DOES AMAZING THINGS WITH SEAFOOD, YOU GUYS.

WELL...

ACCORDING TO L.A. MAGAZINE RESTAURANT REVIEWS,

BUT WHO READS THAT?

[CLEARS THROAT]

OKAY, I'LL HAVE THE CIOPPINO.

GREAT. THANK YOU...

ALTHOUGH I'M SURE IT DOESN'T COMPARE

TO THE ONE LARA MADE LAST WEEK.

IT WAS AMAZING.

IT WAS GOOD, DAMN GOOD.

OH, YEAH, I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU GUYS.

WHEN YOU HAD MARTINA AND TERESA OVER,

WHAT DID THEY THINK OF THAT SCULPTURE

IN YOUR HOUSE?

YOU KNOW THAT ONE WITH TWO ATHLETE BODIES?

THAT, LIKE, KIND OF UGLY...

WHERE THEY'RE, LIKE...

HOW DO YOU-- WHAT?

THAT FREAKS ME OUT. HOW DID SHE KNOW

THAT WE HAD MARTINA OVER FOR DINNER?

JUST LET IT GO, BABY, PLEASE.

ARE YOU READY TO ORDER?

OH, YES, UM...

THE GREEN PEA RAVIOLI, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

DID YOU ORDER? I'M SORRY.

OH, YEAH.

JENNY, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR BOOK, YOUR EDITOR.

HAVE YOU HEARD BACK FROM THEM LATELY?

NO, I THINK SHE HAS A VERY BUSY SCHEDULE.

OH...

MOIRA, DO YOU READ JENNY'S STUFF?

UM, WELL, I'M A COMPUTER TECHNICIAN.

SO...

THAT DOESN'T-- SO WHAT?

DON'T SAY THAT.

SO WHO IS THE EDITOR THAT YOU SENT IT TO?

THIS LADY

NAMED JAN MARTIN.

OH, MY GOD, JAN MARTIN.

YOU KNOW HER? YEAH, SHE'S FAMOUS.

SHE'S THAT NEW YORK LADY

YOU USED TO TELL ME ABOUT, THE BIG EDITOR?

THAT YOU ALWAYS USED TO TALK ABOUT?

DID YOU SEND IT TO HER DIRECTLY,

OR DO YOU KNOW HER, I MEAN, FROM SCHOOL?

I MET HER BECAUSE HER DAUGHTER WAS MY ROOMMATE IN THE HOSPITAL,

SO JAN WOULD COME IN AND VISIT HER.

WAS HER DAUGHTER A...

CUTTER, TOO?

OH, GOD.

ALICE...

IT'S FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S SO GOOD TO TALK ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE, FUCK IT, IT HAPPENED,

AND IT'S BETTER NOT TO TIPTOE AROUND--

WELL, THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.

AND YOU'RE HEALTHY?

I'M FINE.

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS, RIGHT?

YUP.

SO JAN MARTIN'S DAUGHTER WAS SICK.

SHE HAS AN EATING DISORDER, AND THAT'S--

OH, GOD, PLEASE, PLEASE. THAT'S AWFUL.

DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO OUR DAUGHTER.

I DON'T THINK IT'S POSSIBLE TO CONTROL THAT,

BUT I THINK WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL

IS HOW YOU COMMUNICATE WITH THEM ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED,

GOING TO HAPPEN.

WELL, I CAN GUARANTEE YOU

THAT NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO HER, BECAUSE I WON'T LET IT.

AW...

I MEAN IT.

AUNTIE SHANE. I DO MEAN IT.

[LAUGHTER]

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

IT'S GETTING TOO DARK.

JUST TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'M SORRY.

SO YOU GUYS HAVE A KID?

YEAH, A DAUGHTER. SHE'S SIX MONTHS OLD.

HER NAME'S ANGELICA.

YOU KNOW, A BUNCH OF WOMEN

BACK IN MY DYKE COMMUNITY IN WILMETTE,

THEY'RE DOING THAT, TOO.

WOW. THAT'S COOL.

[KIT]: * MY ANGELICA

* YOU ARE MY ANGEL

* WITH YOUR ANGEL EYES

* YOU'RE MY HONEY PIE

[SOFTLY]: I THINK SHE'S ASLEEP.

YOU SHOULD REALLY THINK

ABOUT PUTTING OUT YOUR OWN RECORD, KIT.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS...

THIS INTERNET AND DISTRIBUTION STUFF

THAT THEY DO TODAY.

IT'S EASY.

MY BAND AND I ARE PUTTING OUT OUR SECOND RECORD RIGHT NOW.

REALLY?

YOU COULD TOTALLY DO IT, KIT.

I MEAN, ALL YOUR PULL

AND ALL THE PEOPLE YOU COULD GET TO PLAY WITH YOU?

WELL, I'VE GOT SONGS.

I'VE GOT ABOUT 10 SONGS I WOULD LOVE TO RECORD,

BUT I'D HAVE TO TALK TO YOU MORE ABOUT THAT.

YEAH, SURE.

I'D BE HAPPY TO TALK YOU THROUGH IT.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[GIGGLING]

[WHISPERING]

[HUM OF CONVERSATION]

I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER

WHAT THEY'RE CALLED.

SEA URCHIN.

SEA URCHIN?

LOOK AT THAT.

WOW...

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.

DOES ANYBODY WANT A TASTE?

YEAH, I WOULD LOVE A PIECE.

JUST TAKE THE CLAW.

SO DANA AND I, WE BOOKED OUR TICKETS

TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE, YOU GUYS.

WE LEAVE ON THE 15th, NEXT MONTH.

OH, FUN.

WE'RE TAKING A FOOD AND WINE TOUR.

DOES ANYBODY WANT SOME OF MY LOBSTER?

NO?

WHAT'S THE SAUCE ON THIS, BETTE? IT'S REALLY GOOD.

I THINK IT'S...

LEMON FROTH

AND SHAVED DRIED TUNA ROE OR...

WHATEVER. IT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

DO YOU WANT SOME... SOME LOBSTER, MOIRA?

NO, I'M FINE, THANKS.

WELL, IT'S NOT GOING TO BITE YOU, JUST...

NO, I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

MOIRA, DON'T YOU LIKE LOBSTER?

YEAH, ACTUALLY, I LIKE IT A LOT.

WELL, DO YOU WANT SOME?

I DON'T THINK THE CLAWS HAVE ANY SAUCE.

OH, SORRY, THERE'S ONLY THE TAIL LEFT,

BUT IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN HAVE THE TAIL

AND JUST WIPE THE SAUCE OFF.

NO, IT'S COOL.

ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH.

I KNOW SOMETHING INTERESTING ABOUT LOBSTERS.

WHAT?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT A LID ON THE POT

WHEN YOU COOK FEMALE LOBSTERS.

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHY?

NO.

IS THAT TRUE?

WHEN YOU COOK A POT OF MALE LOBSTERS,

AND THEY REALIZE THEY'RE IN THIS POT OF BOILING WATER,

THEY ALL START TOTALLY FREAKING OUT.

THEY'RE, LIKE, "FUCK,

WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE,"

AND THEY START MAKING THESE LITTLE LADDERS

AND HELPING EACH OTHER GET OUT OF THE POT.

SO YOU HAVE TO PUT A LID ON THE POT

TO KEEP THEM INSIDE.

BUT FEMALE LOBSTERS--

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT A LID ON THE POT,

BECAUSE ONCE THEY REALIZE

THEY'RE IN A POT OF BOILING WATER,

THEY ALL JUST START GRABBING EACH OTHER,

AND THEY'RE, LIKE, HOLDING EACH OTHER DOWN.

THEY'RE LIKE, "IF I'M GOING TO DIE,

EVERYONE'S GOING TO DIE."

NONE OF THEM WANTS TO LET ANY OF THE OTHER ONES

GET OUT OF THE POT.

IT'S A REAL SHAME, ISN'T IT?

WOW, THOSE CRAZY FEMALE LOBSTERS

JUST GET YOU SOMETIMES.

[HUM OF CONVERSATION]

THIS IS A REALLY STUPID QUESTION...

[***]

[QUIETLY]: JENNY...

I'M JUST GOING TO GO.

YOU CAN GET A RIDE HOME FROM CARMEN AND SHANE.

UM, WILL YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND?

MOIRA...

MOIRA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M JUST GOING TO GO, OKAY?

WHY?

LOOK, THIS SHOULD COVER ME.

[SLIPS BILLS FROM WALLET]

OKAY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DID SOMETHING HAPPEN JUST NOW?

THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T REALLY FIT IN.

OH, MY GOD, MOIRA, THEY'RE GETTING TO KNOW YOU,

AND THAT'S GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME,

AND THEY'RE GOING TO THINK YOU'RE FUCKING AMAZING

WHEN THEY GET TO KNOW YOU.

MAYBE SHE KEPT JENNY FROM FEELING LONELY.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS,

WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOMEONE THAT'S COMPLETELY WRONG FOR YOU

JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE.

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE SHE'S JENNY'S TYPE.

OH, YEAH,

BECAUSE CARMEN'S SUCH A STONE BUTCH, TOO.

I WOULDN'T NECESSARILY CALL MOIRA A STONE BUTCH.

OKAY, WELL, THEN,

WHAT WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HER AS,

MISS "HI, LET US BUTCHES

HELP YOU LADIES OUT WITH YOUR LUGGAGE?"

SHE COMES FROM A PLACE WHERE,

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO DEFINE YOURSELF AS EITHER OR.

IT'S PROBABLY JUST THE ONLY LANGUAGE

THAT SHE HAS TO DESCRIBE HERSELF.

SHE HAS THE LANGUAGE

OF THOSE SHIT-KICKING BOOTS

AND THAT LUMBERJACK WALK.

I'M JUST SURPRISED

THAT SHE WANTED TO ROLE PLAY LIKE THAT,

ESPECIALLY AFTER EVERYTHING THAT JENNY'S BEEN THROUGH.

WELL, SHE COULD BE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

IN THE BEDROOM.

YEAH.

MAYBE SHE'S BUTCH IN THE STREETS

AND FEMME IN THE SHEETS.

[SARCASTIC]: MY GOD, THAT'S SO ORIGINAL.

[SHANE]: WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE

WHETHER SOMEONE'S BUTCH OR FEMME?

WE SHOULD JUST LEAVE THE LABELS ALONE

AND JUST LET PEOPLE BE WHO THEY ARE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK

OF THAT LOBSTER THING, ANYWAY?

I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT.

OH, COME ON, COMPETITIVE FEMALE LOBSTERS?

IT'S SO NOT TRUE.

HEY.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

SHOULD WE HAVE DESSERT?

I LOVE THAT CHILD.

I FUCKED UP WITH MY OWN.

EVERY PARENT FUCKS UP ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

NO, I REALLY FUCKED UP.

YOU KNOW, I JUST LEFT HIM.

HE WASN'T BIGGER THAN THAT.

I JUST DUMPED HIM WITH HIS STUFFED-SHIRT FATHER

AND OLD-SCHOOL GRANDPARENTS

AND WENT OFF AND DID MY MUSIC.

NOW I DON'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON

COMPLAINING ABOUT

WHY HE'S A FUNDAMENTALIST BIGOT.

HERE'S WHAT I THINK ABOUT THAT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT, MR. MANGUS?

I THINK WHEN YOU'RE CALLED TO PLAY MUSIC,

THERE'S NOT A LOT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

SOMETIMES THE PULL IS EVEN STRONGER

THAN THAT BIOLOGICAL THING

THAT BONDS A MOTHER TO HER CHILD.

[KISSES BABY]

WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN.

GOOD NIGHT, MR. MANGUS.

GOOD NIGHT.

[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS AND LAUGHTER]

I WILL TAKE THAT.

THANKS.

OH, BETTE, NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO, WE'LL--

YEAH, WE'LL HELP YOU OUT.

WE SHOULD DO THE MATH.

NO, NO, NO, I'VE GOT IT. I'VE GOT IT.

YOU CAN'T.

NO, REALLY, IT'S JENNY'S COMING HOME DINNER,

AND IT WOULD BE MY PRIVILEGE.

THANK YOU, THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THAT'S SWEET. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THERE YOU ARE.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

I JUST WANT TO TALK, OKAY?

I'M NOT GOING TO ATTACK.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?

I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU'RE HAPPY.

YEAH, I'M HAPPY.

I MEAN, FOR THE MOST PART, I'M HAPPY.

I'M GLAD ONE OF US IS.

OKAY.

SORRY.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY

THAT YOU'RE UNHAPPY.

I'M SORRY THAT I MADE YOU UNHAPPY,

BUT, ALICE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

WHAT CAN I DO?

I'M GETTING OVER THIS. I AM.

I'M...

I'M WORKING REALLY HARD TO GET OVER THIS.

MAYBE WE COULD BE FRIENDS AGAIN ONE DAY.

I WOULD REALLY LOVE THAT.

I MISS YOU.

COME BACK TO ME, THEN.

ALICE...

OKAY...

OKAY.

I'LL LET YOU WASH YOUR HANDS.

I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE TO WASH YOUR HANDS

AFTER YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM.

EVERYBODY LIKES TO WASH THEIR HANDS

AFTER THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM.

YEAH, BUT IT'S SUPER CUTE THE WAY YOU DO IT.

LET'S CALL IT ALL OFF.

DEFINITELY.

I'M STUFFED, THOUGH.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

MM-HMM.

WHAT A DAY. WOW.

[WAITER]: I'M SORRY, MA'AM,

BUT YOUR CREDIT CARD

WAS DECLINED.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT'S POSSIBLE.

BETTE, NO, NO. LET'S SPLIT IT.

NO, REALLY.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

I BOUGHT SOME BALENCIAGA BOOTS.

IT PROBABLY PUT ME OVER THE LIMIT.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL,

AND THEN, I THINK--

OH, I REMEMBER.

I PUT A SALLY MANN PRINT ON HOLD... STOP.

...WITH THAT CARD, SO...

BETTE...

HEY, UH, JENNY, NO.

YOU'RE STILL THE GUEST OF HONOR,

NO MATTER WHAT.

THANK YOU, SHANE.

FINE.

DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY NOW?

HELENA?

HI. IT'S TINA.

I HOPE I'M NOT CALLING TOO LATE.

NO, ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOUR PROPOSITION,

AND, UM, I THINK I'D LIKE TO GIVE IT A TRY.

DON'T.

[BARKING]

HEY...

HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING FROM HER?

NO.

AH...

I'M SURE SHE'S OKAY.

SHE'S A BIG GIRL. SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.

MM-HMM.

I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

I SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH HER.

I'M SORRY WE WEREN'T MORE ACCOMMODATING

TO YOUR FRIEND.

MM-HMM.

AH, WE WERE JUST EXCITED TO SEE YOU,

AND THE DINNER WAS ABOUT YOU, AND...

I DON'T KNOW,

I GUESS SHE SHOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD THAT.

I FUCKED UP.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

[***]

[***]

[***]

YEAH.