Original subtitles

Mom, I'm a vampire slayer.

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

You walk out of this house,

don't even think about coming back.

SNYDER: These are moments you want to savor.

You're expelled.

I love you.

I love you.

(groans)

Buffy...

WILLOW: Wouldn't it be great if Buffy

just showed up tomorrow, like nothing happened?

XANDER: She can't just show up.

She got kicked out.

I wonder what she's doing right now.

GILES: Joyce, you mustn't blame yourself for her leaving.

I don't.

I blame you.

(dogs barking in distance)

Mom?

Oh!

Buffy.

Um...

Sorry.

No, no. Don't worry about it.

I guess I just got used to

all the quiet while you were gone.

But it's no problem.

Uh, look.

It's, uh, Nigerian.

We got a very exciting shipment

in at the gallery.

I, um, thought I'd hang a few pieces in here.

It cheers up the room.

It's angry at the room, Mom.

It wants the room to suffer.

You have no appreciation of primitive art.

You going out?

Oh.

Um...

Well, if-if it's okay.

I, um,

I'd like to find Willow and Xander.

Will you be slaying?

Only if they give me lip. (chuckles)

Uh, can I make you a sandwich or something before you go?

You must be starving.

I was un-until that four-course snack

you served me after dinner.

Well, then, um, you know, why don't I drive you?

You know, I mean, they could be anywhere.

Mom...

If you don't want me to go, just say so.

No, no.

I just want to put this whole thing behind us,

get back to normal.

You go.

Have a good time.

Okay.

(clattering)

(bellowing)

Didn't anyone ever warn you

about playing with pointy sticks?

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.

You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.

Geez, Buff. (chuckles)

(snarling)

CORDELIA: Come in, Nighthawk! Everything okay?

Nighthawk?

(snarling)

(grunting)

Oh, hey, Buffy.

Hey, guys.

(wolf howling)

*

BUFFY: You know, maybe it's too late.

Maybe we should just come back tomorrow.

What if he's mad?

Mad? Just because you ran away

and abandoned your post and your friends and your mom

and made him lay awake every night worrying about you?

Maybe we should wait out here.

(sighs)

(sighs)

Check it out. The watcher is back on the clock.

(chuckles) And just when you were thinking career change,

maybe becoming a-a looker or a seer.

Thank you, Xander.

Welcome home, Buffy.

I got in a few hours ago,

but I went to go see my mom first.

Yes. Yes, of course. How did you find her?

Well, I pretty much remembered the address.

I mean, uh...

How are things between you?

(tea kettle whistles)

Ah. Excuse me.

Hey, so you're not wanted for murder anymore.

Good.

That was such a drag.

So where were you?

Did you go to Belgium?

Why would I go to Belgium?

I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you?

Belgium!

(laughter)

BUFFY: What about you, Xander? What's up with you?

XANDER: Oh, you know. Same old, same old.

Hardly. Okay, I lied. A whole lot.

BUFFY: Well, that's good, isn't it? New is good.

XANDER: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Except for the obvious...

BUFFY: Yeah, 'cause you weren't...

(clears throat)

XANDER: Cordelia's parents are on a luxury vacation.

BUFFY: I feel for you.

Here we are then.

Cheer us up.

CORDELIA: So were you, like, living in a box or what?

Well, it's a long story.

So skip the heartwarming stuff about kindly old people

and saving the farm and get right to the dirt.

Perhaps Buffy could use a little time to adjust

before we grill her on her summer activities.

What he said.

Fair enough.

In fact, you can leave the slaying to us

while you settle in. We got you covered.

I noticed.

You guys seem down with the slayage,

all tricked out with your walkies and everything.

Yeah, but the outfits suck.

This whole rambo thing is so over.

I'm thinking more sporty, like Hilfiger maybe.

Still, we were getting good.

We dusted nine out of ten.

Six out of ten.

Six out of ten.

Whatever, we were kicking a little undead booty.

Well, thank you for the offer,

But I think i just want to get back to my normal routine.

You know, school, slaying--

kid's stuff.

In fact, I'm jonesing for a little brainless fun.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Oh, I would, but, um, I'm kind of tied up.

You wish.

Wil?

Um, tomorrow I...

Oh, come on.

Friends don't let friends browse alone.

WILLOW: Okay. I had some schoolwork,

but I can change my plans.

As for school, Buffy, uh,

you know you'll have to talk to Principal Snyder before...

On it. Mom is making an appointment with His Ugliness.

I know she can break him.

Absolutely not.

Under no circumstances.

But you can't keep her out of school.

You don't have the right.

I have not only the right,

but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure

at the thought of keeping her out of school.

I'd describe myself as tingly.

Buffy was cleared of all those charges.

Yes, and while she may live up

to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment,

she is a troublemaker,

destructive to school property

and the occasional student.

And her grade point average

is enough to...

I'm sorry.

Another tingle moment.

I don't see how you can be so cavalier

about a young girl's entire future!

I'm quite sure that a girl

with the talents and abilities of Buffy

will land on her feet.

In fact, I noticed as I came in this morning

that Hot Dog on a Stick is hiring.

You will look so cute in that hat.

Let's go, Mom.

This isn't over.

If I have to,

I'll go all the way to the mayor.

Wouldn't that be interesting.

(door closes)

Don't worry about school, honey.

If we can't get you back into Sunnydale,

maybe we can swing private school.

Private school?

You mean, like jackets and kilts?

You want me to get field hockey knees?

It's not that bad.

What about home schooling?

You know, it's not just for scary religious people anymore.

We'll work something out.

Okay?

Say hi to Willow?

Oh, my word.

Oh, you must be Buffy.

Look at you.

Aren't you a picture?

Thank you.

Oh, I'm Pat, from your mom's book club.

I'm sure she mentioned me.

Actually...

I, um, I sort of took it upon myself

to look after her while you were,

you know, off and away or what have you and,

well, between, uh,

your situation and reading Deep End of the Ocean,

she was, uh, she was just a wreck.

You can imagine.

Anyway, I'm off.

We're making empanadas in my Spanish class tonight.

You go be with your mom.

You two need to rebond.

Pat wishes us quality time.

Oh. I met her in a...

Book club. Yeah.

Got it.

Oh, uh, before I forget, uh, Willow just called.

Where was she?

She-she got held up, but she said she tried to call.

Was there a message?

No.

But I had a thought.

What if I invited Willow and Mr. Giles and everybody over

for dinner tomorrow night?

Don't you think that would be nice?

Since I sort of already did,

I was hoping for a yes.

It'll be fun.

Great.

Uh, do me a favor?

Run down and get the company plates.

Mom, Willow and everybody

aren't company-plate people.

They're normal-plate people.

We never have guests for dinner.

Indulge your mother?

(gasps)

(groans)

Next time, I get to pick

the mother-daughter bonding activity.

Do you want to say something?

Like what, thanks for stopping by and dying?

How about, um...

Good-bye, stray cat, who lost its way.

We hope you find it.

*

*

*

(meowing)

*

*

I thought they'd be here.

They are.

They're waiting for you.

Am I dreaming?

(chuckles) I'm probably the wrong person to ask.

You'd better go.

I'm afraid.

You should be.

(school bell ringing)

(alarm buzzing)

JOYCE: I've been on the phone

with the, uh, superintendent of schools.

At least he seems more reasonable

than that nasty little horrid, bigoted rodent man.

Mom.

Anyway I'm going in to speak with him this afternoon.

Uh, as for private schools,

um, Miss Porter's accepts late admissions.

I, uh, I wrote the information down for you.

A girls' school?

So now it's jackets, kilts and no boys?

Care to throw in a little foot-binding?

Buffy,

you made some bad choices.

You just might have to live with some consequences.

Nothing's settled yet.

I just wish

you didn't have to be so secretive about things.

I mean, it's not your fault you have a special circumstance.

They should make allowances for you.

Mom, I'm a slayer.

It's not like I need to ride the little bus to school.

Couldn't you just tell a few people,

like Principal Snyder

and maybe the police?

I mean, I would think they would be happy to have a...

(chuckles) A superhero.

Is that the right term?

I mean, it's not offensive, is it?

(gasps) (meowing)

Welcome to the Hellmouth petting zoo.

(growling, meowing)

Oh, my God, what a stench.

You know, I wanted Forest Pine or April Fresh,

but mom wanted Dead Cat.

I'll...

(groans)

I'll get it back to the library,

see if we can determine its exact origin.

That's, uh, striking

and... Nigerian. Oh.

Yes. I have this wonderful dealer

who specializes in ancient artifacts--

You know, I love art talk

as much as the next very dull person,

but we have work to do, Giles. Research mode.

Sh-shouldn't you stay with your mother,

perhaps, Buffy? I mean, you must have...

Please, no.

It's fine. She can go with you.

Actually, she can't.

Um...

You're not allowed on school property.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Um, uh...

I'll-I'll call as soon as I know something.

Oh, we'll see you tonight?

Tonight, then. Yes.

(snarling, meowing)

(meowing)

It looks dead.

It smells dead.

Yet it's moving around.

That's interesting.

Nice pet, Giles.

Don't you like anything regular?

Golf, USA Today, or anything?

I'm trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave.

It's not as if I'm gonna take it home

and offer it a saucer of warm milk.

Well, I like it.

I think you should call it Patches.

What about Buffy's welcome home dinner tonight?

I had told her mom we'd help out. Bring stuff.

I'm the dip.

Uh, you got to admire the purity of it. (chuckles)

What? Onion dip.

Stirring, not cooking.

It's what I bring.

We should figure out what kind of deal this is.

I mean, is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootenanny?

What's the difference?

Well, a gathering is brie,

mellow song stylings.

Shindig, dip,

less mellow song stylings,

perhaps a large amount of malt beverage,

and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot,

just a little bit of nanny.

Well, I hate brie.

I know. It smells like Giles' cat.

It's not my...

And what'll we talk about at a gathering anyway?

"So, Buffy, did you meet any nice pimps on your travels?

"And oh, by the by,

"thanks for ruining our lives

for the past three months." Xander.

You know what I mean.

She doesn't want to talk about it,

we don't want to talk about it,

so why don't we just shut up and dance?

Well, Buffy said she did want to loosen up,

you know, have some kid time.

Aren't you guys rehearsing tonight?

Why don't you play at the party?

Yeah, I think I could supply some Dingo action.

I'm not sure that, a, um... shindig...

Hootenanny.

...hootenanny is really the order of the day.

Maybe something a little more intimate.

I mean, Buffy has just got home.

I'm sure she's still feeling a little disoriented.

All the more reason to make her feel welcome,

and a big party says, "Welcome, Buffy."

Okay, so one vote from the old guy

for a smelly-cheese night,

and how many votes for actual fun, huh?

All right, all right. Have it your way.

I'm just glad to have her home.

(meowing)

Now things can get back to normal.

(doorbell rings)

Hey, there you are!

Not thinking about any more flights of fancy, I hope.

Joyce said there was room for one more,

so I said forget facial night and let's party!

I bet you like empanadas.

Do you want to see my mom?

Please. Mom!

Oh, Pat. Good.

Buffy, I hope you don't mind.

Hi! Hi!

(doorbell rings) You look great.

Hey, Buffy. So where do you want the band to set up?

What? The band?

(rock song playing)

(indistinct chatter)

Hey!

Hey!

This is large!

You like?

Yeah.

It's great.

I was just sort of hoping it would be... us.

Sorry. What?

This is amazing, but I was sort of hoping

we could just hang together, the gang.

* Too many saviors

* And I won't die

* I've never cried

* But I needed more from you

* I've found my life

* Without you now

* And I'd never mind

* I'm only half as blind...

Is everything okay?

You-you seem to be avoiding me,

in the one-on-one sense.

What?

This isn't avoiding.

See? Here you are, here I am.

So we're cool?

Way!

That's why, with the party,

'cause we're all glad you're back.

Okay.

Okay. Good.

* I see my reflection

* Never flinch from your eyes... *

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct radio transmissions)

* But I won't hang

* I can feel you covet my faith *

* I've said another lie, I know why *

* I don't want to sway...

XANDER: Hey, Buff, uh...

What are you doing?

I was just taking a break from all this wacky fun.

Some kind of party, huh?

I guess a lot of people are glad to have you back.

It seems like people I didn't even know missed me.

Did Giles say he was going to be late?

Uh, he was library man last time I saw him.

But he'll be here. He wants to celebrate your homecoming.

We all do. I mean, it's great to have the Buffster back.

(chuckles) Isn't it?

Totally!

Except you were kind of turning me on

with that whole boy slayer look.

XANDER: Was I now?

You bet, Nighthawk.

(giggling)

Well, I'll just be, uh...

Oh, yeah.

Breathe.

Breathe.

All right, look, these burns are too extensive.

It's 7:43.

Let's call it.

WOMAN: Oh, my God!

(grunting, crashing)

MAN: Hey, what's the deal with this party anyway?

MAN 2: This party?

Heard it was for some chick that just got out of rehab.

Whew.

Now, how you holding up, Joyce, hmm?

Really.

Really? I'm...

I don't know.

While Buffy was gone,

all I could think about was getting her home.

I just knew that if I could put my arms around her

and tell her how much I loved her,

everything would be okay.

But?

JOYCE: Having Buffy home,

I thought it was going to make it all better,

but in some ways, it's almost worse.

(sniffling)

*

(groaning)

(meowing)

Oh, Lord!

(dialing)

(line ringing)

(phone ringing)

Party Villa, can I rock you?

I-I-I need to speak with Buffy.

Um, immediately!

I have some information that is extremely important.

(glass shattering)

Yeah! Fiesta foul!

You gotta do a shot!

I need to speak to Buffy!

Now!

Bunny?

That guy's gotta do a shot.

GILES: Buffy!

Hey! I need to talk to a Buddy.

Is there a Buddy here?

Sorry. He's not here.

You got the wrong casa, Mr. Belvedere.

H-Hello?

Hello?

(slams phone down)

(cat snarling and hissing)

You're leaving again?

What, you just stopped by

for your lint brush and now you're ready to go?

It's not like anyone will mind.

Oh, no. Have a great time.

Oh, and don't forget to not write.

Why are you attacking me?

I'm trying.

Wow, and it looks so much like giving up.

I'm just trying to make things easier.

For who?

You guys were doing just fine without me.

We were doing the best we could.

It's not like we had a lot of choice in the matter.

Sorry that I had to leave,

but you don't know what I was going through.

Well, I'd like to.

You wouldn't understand.

Well, maybe I don't need to understand.

Maybe I-I just need you to talk to me.

How could I talk to you when you were avoiding me?

This isn't easy, Buffy.

I know you're going through stuff,

but... so am I.

I know that you were worried about me, but...

No! I don't just mean that.

I mean, my life.

You know?

I-I'm having all sorts of...

I'm dating.

I'm having serious dating

with a werewolf,

and I'm studying witchcraft

and-and killing vampires,

and I didn't have anyone to talk to

about all this

scary life stuff.

And you were my best friend.

Unbelievable.

"Do you like my mask?

"Isn't it pretty?

It raises the dead."

Americans.

Geez!

(tires screeching)

My God.

Are you all right?

Are you hurt?

(muttering)

(groaning)

You have no idea how much I missed you.

Everyone.

I wanted to call every day.

That doesn't matter, Buffy.

It doesn't make it okay that you didn't.

What is this?

Is this some sort of a joke?

Mom, please, could you just...

No, I can't just.

Buffy, what is this?

She was running away again.

No, I wasn't.

I'm not sure.

Well, you better get sure and explain yourself right away.

If you think you can just take off any time you feel like...

Stop it!

Please!

I don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing.

(rock song playing)

Don't you leave this house, young lady!

You know what? That's it.

You and I are going to have a talk.

Mom, please.

You know what? I don't care.

I don't care what your friends think of me

or you for that matter,

because you put me through the wringer, Buffy.

I mean it.

And I've had Schnapps.

Do you have any idea what it's been like?

Mom, this isn't the time.

You can't imagine months of not knowing,

not knowing whether you're lying dead in a ditch somewhere

or, I don't know, living it up.

But you told me!

You're the one who said I should go.

You said if I leave this house, don't come back!

You found out who I really was,

and you couldn't deal.

Don't you remember?

Buffy, you didn't give me time.

You just dumped this thing on me,

and you expected me to get it.

Well, guess what. Mom's not perfect, okay?

I handled it badly.

But that doesn't give you the right

to punish me by running away.

Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you.

Well, you did.

You should've seen what you put her through.

Great. Thanks.

Anybody else want to weigh in here?

How about you by the dip?

No, thanks.

I'm good.

You know, maybe you don't want to hear it, Buffy,

but taking off like you did was incredibly selfish and stupid.

Okay. Okay. I screwed up. I know this.

But you have no idea!

You have, you have no idea what happened to me

or what I was feeling!

Did you even try talking to anybody?

There was nothing that anybody could do, okay?

I just had to deal with this on my own.

Yeah, and you see how well that one worked out.

You can't just bury stuff, Buffy.

It'll come right back up to get you.

(groaning)

Oh, good show, Giles.

(engine starts)

Like riding a bloody bicycle.

As if I even could've gone to you, Xander.

You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear.

Look, I'm sorry that your honey was a demon,

but most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles.

Time out, Xander.

Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute.

Okay?

I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right?

Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend,

and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree,

which is pretty much my fault...

Cordy, get out of my shoes.

I'm just trying to help, Buffy.

Buffy, you never--

Willow, please.

I can't take this from you, too.

XANDER: Let her finish!

You at least owe her that.

God, Xander, do you think you could at least

stick to annoying me on your own behalf?

Fine. You stop acting like an idiot,

I'll stop annoying you.

Oh, you want to talk acting like an idiot,

Nighthawk?

Okay. I'm gonna step in now,

being referee guy.

No, let them go, Oz.

Talking about it isn't helping.

We might as well try some violence.

I was being sarcastic!

(groaning, screaming)

Xander, kitchen!

I got your back.

Are these vampires?

Uh, I don't think so. Buffy, heads up!

No, not vampires.

(gasps)

(screaming)

Man, this sucker wobbles, but he won't fall down!

We got to get 'em back outside.

On three!

One...

Two... three!

(groaning)

Okay. We're gonna have to barricade this door.

We need some help out here! I got it.

Go help Buffy.

Grab that table!

(screams)

Upstairs!

Oh, wait!

Oh, God.

Careful.

(groans)

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.

(muttering)

Okay.

Oz!

Go! Go!

Okay.

She's...

Oh, God. Pat.

She's dead!

(groaning)

What do we do if they get in?

I kind of think we die.

CORDELIA: I don't hear anything.

Should we check?

OZ: (sighs) Let's go for it.

(clattering)

Here.

Thanks.

(gasps)

Cordelia, it's me. It's me.

How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles?

Cordelia, do stop being tiresome.

It's him.

I think the dead man's party's moved upstairs.

That makes sense.

It's the mask in Joyce's bedroom they're after.

Mask?

The mask holds the power of a zombie demon,

called Ovu Mobani-- Evil Eye.

I don't think we can get past them.

Well, what happens if they get the mask?

If one of them puts it on,

they become the demon incarnate.

Worse than a zombie.

Yes, worse.

(groaning)

Oh, God!

We thought you were...

(screaming)

Generally speaking,

when scary things get scared, not good.

I live, you die.

Willow, don't look!

Out back!

(growling)

Not looking. Not looking.

(groaning)

Tell Buffy Mobani's power

lies in his eyes.

(groaning)

She has to go for the eyes to defeat him!

Buffy!

Hey, Pat.

(groaning)

Made you look.

Never mind.

Honey!

Oh!

Are you all right?

Yeah.

So...

is this a typical day at the office?

No.

This was nothing.

Nice moves.

BUFFY: You, too.

(knocking)

Do we have an appointment?

I'd like to have a word with you.

If that word is Buffy,

then I have two words for you-- good and riddance.

Now, if you don't mind,

I have an appointment with the mayor.

You can't keep her out of this school.

I think you'll find I can.

You had no grounds for expelling her.

I have grounds, I have precedent,

and a tingly kind of feeling.

Buffy Summers is a minor

and is entitled to a public education.

Your personal dislike of the girl

does not legally entitle you...

Why don't you take it up with the City Council?

I thought I'd start with the State Supreme Court.

You're powerful in local circles,

but I believe I can make life very difficult for you,

professionally speaking.

And Buffy will be allowed back in.

Sorry.

I'm not convinced.

Would you like me to convince you?

I mean, I'm not a full-fledged witch.

That takes years.

I just did a couple of Pagan blessings

and teeny glamour to hide a zit.

It doesn't scare you?

It has.

I tried to communicate with the spirit world,

and I so wasn't ready for that.

It's like being pulled apart inside.

Plus I blew the power for our whole block.

Big scare.

I wish I could've been there with you.

Me, too.

I really freaked out.

I am sorry.

It's okay. I understand you having to bail,

and I can forgive that.

I have to make allowances

for what you're going through

and be a grown-up about it.

You're really enjoying

this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you?

It's like a drug.

Fine. Okay.

I'm the bad. I can take my lumps...

For a while.

All right. I'll stop giving you a hard time...

Runaway.

Wil!

I'm sorry... quitter.

Whiner.

Bailer.

Harpy.

Delinquent.

Tramp.

WILLOW: Bad seed.

BUFFY: Witch.

WILLOW: Freak.

Grr. Argh.