Original subtitles

IN EVERY GENERATION THERE IS A CHOSEN ONE.

SHE ALONE WILL STAND AGAINST THE VAMPIRES,

THE DEMONS, AND THE FORCES OF DARKNESS.

SHE IS THE SLAYER.

COME ON, MOM, PLEASE.

I'M SORRY, HONEY.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS?

IT'S AN OUTFIT, AN OUTFIT THAT YOU MAY NEVER BUY.

BUT I LOOKED GOOD IN IT.

YOU LOOKED LIKE A STREETWALKER.

BUT A THIN STREETWALKER.

THAT'S PROBABLY NOT GONNA BE THE WINNING ARGUMENT, IS IT?

YOU'RE JUST TOO YOUNG TO WEAR THAT.

YEAH, I'M GONNA BE TOO YOUNG TO WEAR IT

UNTIL I'M TOO OLD TO WEAR IT.

THAT'S THE IDEA. THE STORES ARE CLOSING,

AND I STILL NEED TO ORDER THE FLYERS FOR THE OPENING.

OK, I'LL GO TO THE PRINTER'S AND THEN GET OUR FOOD,

YOU GO TO THE TAILOR AND PICK UP MY OUTFIT FROM EVERYDAY WOMAN.

"EVERYDAY WOMAN"?

MM-HMM. THERE'S THE RECEIPT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GO TO MUUMUUS "R" US?

DO NOW. MAKE FUN OF YOUR MOTHER LATER.

Man: TURN AROUND, BABY. I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.

Woman: WAIT A SECOND. THIS IS MY HIGH SCORE.

WELL, AIN'T YOU JUST GOT

THE PRETTIEST LITTLE NECK I EVER DID SEE.

BOY...

YOU GUYS REALLY NEVER COME UP

WITH ANY NEW LINES, DO YOU?

DO YOU MIND?

WE WERE TALKING HERE.

BUT YOU PROMISED YOU'D NEVER CHEAT ON ME AGAIN, HONEY.

UM, I BETTER GO.

BUT I AIN'T DONE YET.

[GASPS]

ALL RIGHT, SUGAR LIPS.

GIDDYUP.

WELL, YOU'RE A ROUGH ONE, AIN'T YA?

I LIKE THAT.

YOU MUST BE THAT SLAYER I'VE BEEN HEARING SO MUCH ABOUT.

LYLE GORCH.

PLEASED TO MEET YA.

PLEASURE'S MINE.

THIS AIN'T OVER.

OH, SURE, THEY SAY THEY'LL CALL.

OH, BLISS,

MALL FOOD.

BUFFY.

MOM?

WHERE'S MY DRESS?

YOUR DR--

OH...

OH, GOD.

LET ME GUESS.

YOU WERE DISTRACTED BY A BOY.

TECHNICALLY.

BUFFY.

LOOK, I CAN GO GET IT RIGHT NOW.

THEY'RE CLOSED. I'LL JUST HAVE TO FIT IT IN TOMORROW.

SORRY.

A LITTLE RESPONSIBILITY IS ALL I ASK.

HONESTLY, DON'T YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ANYTHING

BESIDES BOYS AND CLOTHES?

SAVING THE WORLD FROM VAMPIRES?

I SWEAR, SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR HEAD.

[WOLF HOWLING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

MMM...MM-MM-MMM.

XANDER?

SHH, SHH, SHH.

IT'S JUST THAT...

I'M WORRIED WE'RE GONNA MISS CLASS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WOULD WORK A LOT BETTER FOR ME

IF YOU DIDN'T TALK.

WELL, IT'D WORK A LOT BETTER FOR ME

WITH THE LIGHTS OFF.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU CAN'T LOOK AT ME WHEN WE DO...

WHATEVER IT IS WE DO?

NO, IT'S NOT THAT I CAN'T.

IT'S JUST MORE... I DON'T WANT TO.

THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S JUST DANDY.

WE'RE REPULSED BY EACH OTHER.

WE HIDE FROM OUR FRIENDS.

WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO. PLEASE.

ALL IN ALL, THIS IS NOT WHAT I'D CALL

A BIG SELF-ESTEEM BOOSTER.

TELL ME ABOUT IT. JUST LOOK AT YOU.

AND THOSE CLOTHES. WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE SHOES?

OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T NEED THIS.

DITTO. LIKE A HOLE IN THE HEAD.

Teacher: S-E-X.

SEX.

THE SEX DRIVE IN THE HUMAN ANIMAL IS INTENSE.

HOW MANY OF US HAVE LOST COUNTLESS PRODUCTIVE HOURS

PLAGUED BY UNWANTED SEXUAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS?

YES. MM-HMM.

THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, MR. HARRIS,

NOT A POLL.

OH.

OF COURSE, FOR TEENAGERS SUCH AS YOURSELVES,

THESE FEELINGS ARE EVEN MORE OVERWHELMING.

WITH ALL SORTS OF HORMONES

SURGING THROUGH YOUR BODIES,

COMPELLING YOU TO ACTION,

IT'S OFTEN DIFFICULT TO REMEMBER

THAT THERE ARE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES

TO HAVING SEX.

WOULD ANYONE CARE TO OFFER ONE SUCH CONSEQUENCE?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SEX IN THE CAR

OR OUT OF THE CAR?

BECAUSE I HAVE A FRIEND--

NOT ME--THAT WAS IN A MIATA

PARKED AT THE TOP OF THE HILL,

AND THEN SHE KICKED THE GEAR SHIFT AND--

I WAS THINKING OF SOMETHING

A LITTLE MORE COMMONPLACE, MS. CHASE.

YOU WANT TO TALK NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCE?

WHAT ABOUT THE HEARTBREAK OF HALITOSIS?

I MEAN A GIRL MAY SEEM SPIFFY,

BUT IF SHE IGNORES HER FLOSSING,

THE BLOOM IS DEFINITELY OFF THE ROSE.

LIKE THAT COMPARES TO KISSING A GUY

WHO THINKS THE HOOVER TECHNIQUE IS A BIG TURN-ON.

WHAT ABOUT HAVING TO FEIGN INTEREST

IN HER VAPID LITTLE CHITCHAT

JUST SO YOU CAN GET SOME TOUCH?

NOW, ANOTHER CONSEQUENCE OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY, ANYONE?

UH, ELSE?

HOW ABOUT PREGNANCY?

THAT WOULD BE A MAJOR ONE, RIGHT?

THANK YOU, MS. ROSENBERG.

AMONG TEENS, UNWANTED PREGNANCY

IS THE NUMBER-ONE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCE OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY.

SO, AS DISCUSSED LAST WEEK,

I PRESENT YOU WITH...

YOUR OFFSPRING.

YOU WILL SPLIT INTO PARENTING TEAMS.

YOU AND YOUR PARTNER WILL SHARE EQUALLY IN THE DAILY TASK

OF RAISING YOUR EGG.

NOW, PLEASE CHOOSE A PARTNER

AND COME PICK UP YOUR CHILDREN.

YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY?

HEY. HA HA.

I KNOW WE JUST MET,

BUT ISN'T THAT XANDER JR. YOU'RE HOLDING?

BUFFY, HOW COME YOU WEREN'T IN CLASS?

VAMPIRE ISSUES.

DID MR. WHITMORE NOTICE I WAS TARDY?

I THINK THE WORD YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR IS "ABSENT."

TARDY PEOPLE SHOW.

RIGHT.

AND YES, HE DID NOTICE,

SO HE WANTED ME TO GIVE YOU THIS.

AS FAR AS PUNISHMENTS GO,

THIS IS FAIRLY ABSTRACT.

NO, IT'S YOUR BABY.

OK, I GET IT EVEN LESS.

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S THE WHOLE SEX LEADS TO RESPONSIBILITY THING,

WHICH I PERSONALLY DON'T GET.

YOU GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THE EGG.

IT'S A BABY. YOU GOT TO KEEP IT SAFE

AND TEACH IT CHRISTIAN VALUES.

MY EGG IS JEWISH.

THEN TEACH IT THAT DREIDEL SONG.

I CAN'T DO THIS.

I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THINGS.

I KILLED MY GIGAPET.

I MEAN, LITERALLY. I SAT ON IT, AND IT BROKE.

OHH.

Willow: YOU'LL DO FINE.

THE ONLY THING THAT STRESSES ME

IS WHEN DO WE TELL THEM THEY'RE ADOPTED?

I'LL JUST LAY THAT ONE OFF ON MY PARTNER.

WHO'D I GET?

WELL...

THERE WERE AN UNEVEN NUMBER OF STUDENTS

AND YOU DIDN'T SHOW, SO...

I'M A SINGLE MOTHER?

NO MAN OF HER OWN.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS SAYS ABOUT ME?

THAT I AM DOOMED TO LEAD MY MOTHER'S LIFE.

HOW DEEPLY SCARY IS THAT?

HOW ABOUT THIS?

IT SAYS NOTHING. IT MEANS NOTHING.

THIS WHOLE EGG EXPERIMENT IS COMPLETELY POINTLESS.

SUCCESS...

AT LAST.

YOUR PLAYMATE IS A FELLOW OF REPUTE, IT SEEMS.

[GASPS]

THAT'S, UM, LYLE GORCH.

AND THAT ONE'S HIS BROTHER TECTOR.

THEY'RE FROM ABILENE.

THEY MADE THEIR REPUTATION

BY MASSACRING AN ENTIRE MEXICAN VILLAGE IN 1886.

FRIENDLY LITTLE DEMONS.

THAT WAS BEFORE THEY BECAME VAMPIRES.

B-BUT, UM,

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THEY'RE...

NOT AMONGST THE GREAT THINKERS OF OUR TIME.

I DOUBT IF THEY'RE UP TO MUCH.

THEY'RE PROBABLY JUST DRAWN HERE

BY THE HELLMOUTH'S ENERGY.

'NUFF SAID. I PROPOSE BUFFY SLAYS THEM.

ALL IN FAVOR?

AYE.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD UNDERESTIMATE THEM.

I MEAN, YOU MAY NEED TO HAVE SOME HELP IF...

WHY DO YOU ALL HAVE EGGS?

HEY, MAYBE YOU CAN HAVE ANGEL HELP YOU FIND THE GORCHS.

YES, YES. YES, THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.

THERE'S STRENGTH IN NUMBERS.

OH, RIGHT, I SEE A LOT OF HUNTING GETTING DONE

IN THAT SCENARIO.

PLEASE. LIKE ANGEL AND I

ARE JUST HELPLESS SLAVES TO PASSION.

GROW UP.

I REALLY--

I KNOW.

YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T HUNTING IN THE CLASSICAL SENSE.

WE SHOULD...

YOU'RE RIGHT.

OK.

OK.

YOU SEE ANYTHING?

NO.

OK.

ENOUGH HUNTING.

THAT THE SLAYER?

YEP.

AIN'T THAT ANGELUS WITH HER?

YEP.

WELL, HOW COME SHE AIN'T SLAYING?

AND HOW COME HE'S ABOUT TO MAKE ME BLUSH?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, TECTOR.

AND HOW COME YOU ALWAYS ASKING ME

SO MANY STUPID QUESTIONS?

SO YOU WANT TO TAKE HIM, OR YOU WANT ME TO, LYLE?

I SAY WE LEAVE IT...

WAIT TILL SHE'S ALONE.

WHY? YOU SCARED?

NO.

I COULD WHIP 'EM BOTH RIGHT NOW IF I WANTED TO.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU?

'CAUSE I GOT ME A PLAN.

I'M THE ONE WHO DOES THE THINKING, REMEMBER?

YEAH.

YOU DO THE THINKING, LYLE.

THAT IS DEFINITELY YOUR DEPARTMENT.

SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME AGAIN WHY WE CAN'T KILL 'EM NOW?

OK, LITTLE EGG DUDE...

LET'S SEE.

FEEDING.

CHECK.

BURPING.

UGH.

CHECK.

DIAPERS.

SORT OF. IN THEORY, I GUESS.

OK.

GOOD NIGHT, EGGBERT.

I'M TIRED OF RAT.

HOW COME WE CAN'T STAY IN A NICE PLACE?

A MOTEL OR SOMETHING. MAYBE...

MAYBE ONE WITH AN ICE MACHINE.

'CAUSE WE GOT TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE

TILL WE GET THIS SLAYER BUSINESS TAKEN CARE OF.

WELL, HOW COME ANGELUS IS GETTING ALL CUDDLY WITH HER AND ALL?

I MEAN, DOES THE MAN HAVE NO CODE?

TECTOR...

UHH!

YOU GONNA BE PESTERING ME

WITH THESE QUESTIONS ALL DAMN DAY?

I JUST DON'T LIKE IT HERE.

AIN'T A DECENT WHORE IN THE WHOLE CITY LIMITS.

SO THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?

WELL...

DON'T I TAKE CARE OF YOU?

DIDN'T I NEAR RAISE YOU MYSELF? HMM?

BURDEN THAT YOU WERE,

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU ON THAT DOORSTEP WHEN MAMA BLEW TOWN.

DON'T SAY THAT, LYLE.

NOW I'M TAKING CARE OF THIS.

YOU'RE AFRAID OF THE GIRL?

I'M JUST PLAYING IT SAFE.

WE'RE JUST GONNA FOLLOW HER AROUND A LITTLE WHILE,

FIND OUR TIME, 'CAUSE THIS AIN'T OVER.

I THINK YOU ARE AFRAID OF THE SLAYER.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA BEAT YOU LIKE A REDHEADED STEPCHILD

AND THROW YOUR ASS OUT IN THAT SUNLIGHT. COME ON.

YOU THINK YOU CAN?

GIDDYUP, SON.

YIPPEE-KI-AYE, MATEY.

[ALARM BEEPS]

OHH.

OH, GOD.

AT LEAST EAT SOMETHING IF YOU'RE GONNA DRINK THAT.

I'M NOT THAT HUNGRY.

HOW'S PARENTING GOING?

FINE.

ARE YOU SURE YOUR EGG IS SECURE IN THAT?

DID I ASK FOR BACKSEAT MOMMYING?

ARE WE A LITTLE TOUCHY THIS MORNING?

OH, I JUST FEEL ALL FUNKY.

HMM.

YOU DON'T HAVE A FEVER.

NO, IT'S NOT THAT.

I JUST--I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOUR EGG KEEP YOU UP ALL NIGHT?

YOU'RE KILLING ME.

PARENTING'S A PAIN.

WAIT TILL IT STARTS DATING.

OH. WHY ARE YOU THREE HANGING ABOUT?

DON'T YOU HAVE CLASSES TO GO TO?

TEEN HEALTH GOT CANCELED.

MR. WHITMORE IS OUT.

COULDN'T FIND AN EGG-SITTER OR SOMETHING.

WELL, THEN, CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND?

NO. NO.

SURE.

HOW DID THE, UH...

HUNT GO LAST NIGHT, BUFFY?

NO GO.

UH, NO, YOU DIDN'T GO,

OR YOU WERE UNSUCCESSFUL?

NO GORCHS.

APPARENTLY, BUFFY HAS DECIDED

THE PROBLEM WITH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

IS ALL THOSE PESKY WORDS:

YOU...ANGEL... BIG...SMOOCHIES?

SHUT...UP.

IT'S TRUE, BUFFY. YOU AND WILLOW DO SEEM A LITTLE SLUGGISH.

ARE YOU QUITE SURE EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT?

MAYBE SOMETHING WE ATE.

OR PERHAPS IT'S THE BURDEN OF PARENTHOOD.

NOTICE HOW SERIOUSLY YOU TWO HAVE TAKEN THIS EGG THING,

WHILE I, IN TURN, HAVE, UH...

WELL, CHOSEN A MORE BALANCED APPROACH.

XANDER, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T--

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU CAN'T STRESS OVER EVERY LITTLE THING.

A CHILD PICKS UP ON THAT,

WHICH IS A ONE-WAY TICKET TO NEUROTIC CITY.

[GASPS] [GASPS] [GASPS]

IT DIDN'T BREAK. HOW COME IT DIDN'T BREAK?

WHICH IS ANOTHER SECRET TO CONSCIENTIOUS EGG CARE.

A POT OF SCALDING WATER AND ABOUT 8 MINUTES.

YOU BOILED YOUR YOUNG?

YEAH. I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRUEL,

BUT SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA BE CRUEL TO BE KIND.

I MEAN, YOU CAN BET THAT LITTLE XANDER HERE IS THICK-SKINNED NOW.

TECHNICALLY, THAT WOULD BE CHEATING, YES?

NO.

IT'S LIKE A SHORTCUT,

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU RUN A RACE?

THAT WOULD ALSO BE CHEATING.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.

I SUPPOSE THERE IS A SORT OF MACHIAVELLIAN INGENUITY

TO YOUR TRANSGRESSION.

I RESENT THAT.

OR POSSIBLY THANK YOU.

FIGURES YOU THREE WOULD ALL BE HANGING IN A DUNGEON

WHILE SOMETHING MAJOR'S GOING ON AT SUNNYDALE HIGH.

AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE, CORDELIA,

BARRETTE APPRECIATION DAY?

MR. WHITMORE DIDN'T SHOW TODAY.

THAT NEWS IS OF THE PAST.

HE'S MISSING.

PRESUMED DEAD.

PRESUMED BY WHOM?

WELL, ME.

I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE HIM A FEW HOURS

BEFORE WE GIVE UP ON HIM COMPLETELY.

WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD LOOK AROUND, DON'T YOU, XANDER?

IT CAN WAIT.

WELL, HIS BODY COULD FALL OUT OF A CLOSET SOMEWHERE,

SO WE SHOULD CHECK SOME CLOSETS

TO SEE IF HE'S IN A CLOSET?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

THERE COULD BE A CLOSET.

LET'S GO.

YOU GUYS LOOK FOR MORE CLUES.

WE'LL MEET BACK HERE.

WE'LL GET RIGHT ON IT.

ARE THEY GETTING WEIRDER?

HAVE YOU NOTICED THE WEIRDNESS OF THEM?

THEY'RE WEIRD.

SHOULD I HAVE GUILT ABOUT NOT LOOKING FOR MR. WHITMORE?

I'D RATHER YOU CONSERVE YOUR STRENGTH

FOR HUNTING THE GORCHS.

I'LL BE FINE BY TONIGHT.

MAYBE I'LL SWEEP THE CEMETERY.

WELL, BE CAREFUL...

IF YOU'RE STILL FEELING A LITTLE SLUGGISH.

NO WORRIES.

AND ANGEL'S HELPING YOU, RIGHT?

HE DOES WHAT HE CAN.

AS MUCH AS I HATE TO SAY THIS,

WE SHOULD REALLY GO KILL BAD GUYS.

IT'S LATE.

YOU SHOULD GET HOME, HUH?

WHAT ABOUT THE GORCHS?

I'LL HUNT.

REALLY?

YOU'D DO THAT?

IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE AN EARLY DAY TOMORROW.

MMM. TRUE.

I STILL HAVE TO GO HOME AND FILL OUT MY EGG DIARY.

YOUR WHAT?

OH, I TOLD YOU, THAT FAUX PARENTING GIG

WE'RE DOING AT SCHOOL.

LIKE I'M REALLY PLANNING TO HAVE KIDS ANYTIME SOON.

MAYBE SOMEDAY IN THE FUTURE

WHEN I'M DONE HAVING A LIFE, BUT...

RIGHT NOW, KIDS WOULD JUST BE A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DEAL WITH.

I WOULDN'T KNOW.

I DON'T...

WELL, YOU KNOW, I--I CAN'T.

OH.

THAT'S OK. UM...

I FIGURED THERE WERE ALL SORTS OF THINGS VAMPIRES CAN'T DO.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WORK FOR THE TELEPHONE COMPANY

OR VOLUNTEER FOR THE RED CROSS

OR...

HAVE LITTLE VAMPIRES.

SO YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE?

NO.

NEVER?

NO.

YOU REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS A YEAR FROM NOW?

5 YEARS FROM NOW?

ANGEL, WHEN I LOOK INTO THE FUTURE,

ALL I SEE IS YOU.

ALL I WANT IS YOU.

I KNOW THE FEELING.

[CLICKS LIGHT SWITCH]

HELLO?

IS ANYBODY IN HERE?

OHH!

[SHRIEK]

COME ON, PICK UP.

HELLO?

WILLOW, ARE YOU OK?

WHY SHOULDN'T I BE?

YOUR EGG, IS IT DOING ANYTHING?

DOING WHAT?

BREAK IT.

RIGHT NOW, I WANT YOU TO SMASH IT

WITH SOMETHING HEAVY.

BUFFY, WHAT--

MY EGG, IT WENT-- IT WENT POSTAL ON ME.

THE THING HATCHED,

AND IT--IT SPRUNG THIS CREEPY-CRAWLY THING, AND IT ATTACKED ME.

ARE YOU OK?

YEAH. NO, I'M FINE, BUT YOUR EGG...

IS TOTALLY NORMAL.

I PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE.

OH.

MAYBE IT'S A TRAP,

SOMETHING THE GORCH BROTHERS PLANTED FOR YOU?

MAYBE.

YEAH.

UH, I'M SORRY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE WOKEN YOU.

G-GO BACK TO SLEEP.

YOU SURE?

YEAH.

YEAH, I-I'M BETTER.

I'M--I'M FINE.

OK.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

[DOOR OPENS]

WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

BUFFY, WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO AT THIS H--

WHY ARE YOU DRESSED?

WHERE EXACTLY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING

AT THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT?

NOWHERE.

WHO WAS THAT ON THE PHONE?

UM...WILLOW.

SHE WASN'T FEELING WELL TODAY,

SO I WAS JUST CALLING

TO MAKE SURE SHE WAS FEELING BETTER.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT, YOUNG LADY.

I HAD A BAD DREAM?

OH, NO, YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A BAD DREAM,

A DREAM THAT YOU ARE GROUNDED

FOR THE REST OF YOUR NATURAL LIFE.

WHICH MEANS,

NO AFTER-SCHOOL SOCIALIZING,

NO BRONZE, NO NOTHING.

NOT UNTIL I SAY SO.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YEAH, BUT I THINK--

NOW, SCHOOL ENDS AT 2:30.

I WANT YOU TO GO TO THE LIBRARY AT 2:33

AND STUDY UNTIL I PICK YOU UP THERE AT 5:30.

UNDERSTOOD?

YEAH.

GOOD.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

NICE BEAR.

LISTEN, IS YOUR--

HEY, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY FATHER

BROUGHT THIS BEAR BACK FROM GSTAAD YEARS AGO.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, THESE TRENDOIDS EVERYWHERE STARTED SPORTING THEM,

SO I'M TOTALLY NOT WEARING IT.

THEN I THOUGHT, "HEY,

"I'M THE ONE WHO STARTED THIS NATIONWIDE CRAZE.

WHAT AM I ASHAMED OF?"

OK, SOLILOQUY GIRL,

I JUST WANTED TO ASK ABOUT YOUR EGG.

MY EGG?

YEAH. YOUR EGG.

THE ONE MR. WHITMORE GAVE YOU.

IT'S IN MY BEAR.

SO...

YOUR EGG ISN'T ACTING ODD OR ANYTHING.

IT ISN'T ACTING ANYTHING. IT'S AN EGG, BUFFY.

IT DOESN'T EMOTE.

SHANISSE,

IS THAT YOUR REAL HAIR?

HEY.

HEY.

MMM.

CARDBOARD-Y.

SORRY, JUNIOR...

BUT A MAN'S GOTTA EAT.

SO...

WAS THERE ANY MORE HATCHLING ACTIVITY LAST NIGHT?

NO.

YOU WERE PROBABLY RIGHT.

IT WAS JUST A TRAP THE VAMPS SET FOR ME.

AND...EVERYONE ELSE'S EGGS SEEM PERFECTLY NORMAL.

DID YOU BRING THE THING THAT ATTACKED YOU?

YEAH. GILES WANTS TO SEE IT.

HE'S IN FULL RESEARCH MODE.

OK. WELL, BRING IT TO THE SCIENCE LAB,

AND I'LL GET GILES AND WE'LL ANALYZE IT.

GREAT.

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS SAY

THAT A DAY WITHOUT AN AUTOPSY

IS LIKE A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE.

HEY.

OHHH, GOD!

CAN I JUST SAY...

GUUUUH!

I SEE YOUR GUUUUH AND RAISE YOU A NUUUHHH!

WHAT IS IT?

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, CORDELIA.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. CAPISCE?

CAPISCE?

WHAT ARE YOU, A WORLD TRAVELER NOW?

HEY, WHERE'S GILES? I KNOW HE DIDN'T WANT TO MISS THIS.

HE SAID TO GET STARTED.

HE'LL BE BY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

SO, OK.

GET STARTED, BUFFY.

DISSECT IT OR SOMETHING.

ME?

WHY DO I HAVE TO DISSECT IT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE SLAYER.

AND I SLAYED.

MY WORK HERE IS DONE.

OH, NO, I ALMOST ATE ONE OF THESE THINGS.

I THINK I'VE FULFILLED

MY GROSS-OUT QUOTA FOR THE DECADE.

GUYS.

Xander: DO WE EVEN KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR?

I MEAN, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THIS THING IS?

Buffy: TURN IT OVER.

MAYBE WE MISSED ITS I.D. BRACELET.

SO NOW I GUESS

WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MR. WHITMORE.

HE SAW THIS AND RAN AWAY?

TRY BEST-CASE SCENARIO.

IT'S POSSIBLE THAT MR. WHITMORE WASN'T HARMED.

MAYBE THE OFFSPRING

SIMPLY USED HIM TO RETURN TO THE MOTHER BEZOAR.

YEAH, MAYBE HE--

WHAT?

WHAT'S A BEZOAR--OOH!

CORDY!

BUFFY?

HELLO.

HELLO.

OH. MR. GILES, HI.

UH, I-I WAS LOOKING FOR BUFFY.

SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR ME HERE.

SHE HASN'T BEEN IN.

I'VE BEEN WAITING TO TALK TO HER MYSELF ABOUT, UH...

HISTORY TEXTS.

THAT IS JUST THE LAST STRAW.

I'M SURE SHE DIDN'T MEAN TO, UH...

SHE NEVER MEANS TO,

BUT SOMEHOW SHE ALWAYS MANAGES TO ANYWAY.

DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN, MR. GILES?

UM...

[WHISPERING] Should I be whispering?

[WHISPERING] No.

AND, UH, NO, I HAVEN'T ANY CHILDREN.

ALTHOUGH, UH, SOMETIMES I FEEL AS THOUGH I DO,

YOU KNOW, WORKING HERE.

THEY CAN BE SUCH A...

OH, I--I DON'T WANT TO SAY BURDEN,

BUT, UH...

ACTUALLY, I KIND OF DO WANT TO SAY BURDEN.

FEEL FREE.

OH, THEY'RE JUST SO IRRESPONSIBLE.

SOMETIMES.

"BRISTOW'S DEMON INDEX"?

"HELL'S OFFSPRING"?

A HOBBY OF MINE.

BUT HAVING NOTHING TO DO WITH BUFFY IN ANY WAY.

UM...

YOU SAY BUFFY TOLD YOU THAT SHE'D BE HERE

ALL AFTERNOON?

WELL, YES.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

NO, I'M SURE IT'S NOTHING.

[NOISE IN HALLWAY]

WHAT WAS THAT?

PROBABLY THE JANITOR.

AAH!

AAH!

HEY.

XANDER.

HEY.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

[MOANS]

LAST TIME CORDY DRAGGED ME IN HERE, IT WAS A LOT NICER.

WHAT?

HUH? NOTHING.

UH, CRAZY TALK. HEAD TRAUMA.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

I'M GONNA HAVE A BIG BUMP.

I'M GONNA HAVE A PENINSULA...

HERE.

WHAT--WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON

WITH CORDY AND WILLOW?

IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE HATCHLINGS,

I'M SURE OF IT.

WHAT, ARE THEY POSSESSED?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT THEY SURE WANTED US OUT OF THE WAY.

WHY NOT KILL US?

WHY, UH...

WHY DRAG US IN HERE?

OH.

BAD NOW.

THANK YOU.

GILES.

GILES.

HE MUST BE OUT SOMEWHERE.

WELL, HE PICKED A HELL OF A TIME TO GET A LIFE.

WHAT DO WE DO?

WE CAN'T FIGHT THESE THINGS

TILL WE KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.

WILLOW SAID SOMETHING, UH, A NAME.

WHAT WAS IT?

A BOZO.

NOT A BOZO.

A BEZOAR.

THAT'S IT.

OK, SO, NOW...

WE LOOK IT UP?

IN WHAT?

A BOOK?

GILES SAID HE WAS GONNA TRY TO FIND SOMETHING.

AND I'D SAY HE FOUND SOMETHING.

I'D SAY SOMETHING FOUND HIM.

"PRE-PREHISTORIC PARASITE.

"THE MOTHER HIBERNATES UNDERGROUND LAYING EGGS.

"THE OFFSPRING THEN ATTACH THEMSELVES TO A HOST,

"TAKING CONTROL OF THEIR MOTOR FUNCTIONS

THROUGH NEURAL CLAMPING."

NEURAL CLAMPING.

THAT SOUNDS SKIPPABLE.

SO OUR PEOPLE ARE TAKING ORDERS FROM THE MAMA BEZOAR.

WHICH BEGS THE QUESTION...

WHAT DOES MAMA WANT?

Boy: SOMEBODY HELP ME!

GET THIS THING OFF ME! SOMEBODY, GET IT OFF ME!

HELP!

ARE YOU OK?

I'M FINE.

I SLIPPED.

I THINK I HEAR MOMMY CALLING.

UH-HUH.

DO WE REALLY WANT TO GO IN THERE?

WE REALLY DON'T.

CAREFUL.

WHAT ARE THEY DIGGING UP?

OH, BOY.

WE CAN'T LET THEM SPREAD THOSE EGGS.

I'LL HANDLE IT.

CAN YOU, UH, HOLD DOWN THE FORT?

I'M GONNA NEED A WEAPON.

I'M GONNA NEED A BIG WEAPON.

YEAH.

I TOLD YOU THIS WEREN'T OVER.

SHE'S SO CUTE

AND LITTLE.

YOU THINK WE CAN KEEP HER?

GUYS, THIS REALLY ISN'T A GREAT TIME.

OH, IT'S GONNA BE.

HEY! THAT'S MY BROTHER!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

MOM?

KILL THEM.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

LONG STORY.

CORDELIA! I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU...

SOME OF THE TIME.

I'LL KILL YOU!

THAT'S MY BUMP!

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, LOOKIE THERE.

WELL, HELLO.

TECTOR!

TECTOR?

[BEZOAR GURGLES]

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

HOW?

[BEZOAR GURGLES]

[SLASHING SOUNDS]

[BEZOAR SHRIEKS]

ALL RIGHT.

IT'S OVER.

UH, YES. I-IT WAS A GAS LEAK, EVERYONE.

WELL, JUST GET SOME AIR, AND, UH...

A GOOD NIGHT'S REST, YOU KNOW,

YOU'LL BE FINE.

THESE GAS THINGS WILL HAPPEN.

WH-WHAT WAS IT, REALLY?

STICK WITH THE GAS THING.

I'LL FILL YOU IN TOMORROW.

RIGHT.

HOW YOU GUYS DOING?

DID I REALLY HIT YOU?

YOU KNOCKED ME OUT.

DID I HIT YOU? YES, EVERYONE HIT ME.

GOOD. WELL... I DON'T MEAN GOOD BECAUSE I HIT YOU,

BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO BE LEFT OUT.

HOW IS SHE?

SHE'S A BIT CONFUSED, BUT IT'S GOING AROUND.

ARE YOU OK?

BUFFY, I WAS WORRIED YOU'D GOTTEN CAUGHT IN THE BUILDING.

THERE WAS A GAS LEAK.

UH, YEAH, I JUST HEARD.

I WAS IN THE GYM.

I WENT LOOKING FOR YOU IN THE LIBRARY.

WELL, I WAS ON MY WAY THERE, WHEN--

I THOUGHT I MADE IT PRETTY CLEAR

THAT YOU WEREN'T TO LEAVE THE LIBRARY TILL I CAME.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT IS THERE WAS A GAS LEAK.

I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN THE OTHER SIDE RIGHT NOW.

YOUNG LADY, YOU HAVE TO LEARN SOME RESPONSIBILITY, OK?

ONCE AND FOR ALL.

I'M GROUNDED?

YOU'RE ALREADY GROUNDED.

OH, YEAH.

UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE,

YOU ARE CONFINED TO YOUR ROOM.

YOU WILL NOT LEAVE YOUR ROOM AT ANY TIME

EXCEPT TO GO TO SCHOOL OR THE BATHROOM.

AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?

YOU'RE CLEAR.

I...WON'T LEAVE MY ROOM.

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU WON'T.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET IN TROUBLE?

HEY, I EARNED THIS.

BESIDES, I'M NOT BREAKING ANY RULES.

Joyce: BUFFY, ARE YOU GOING TO BED?

IN A MINUTE.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

GRR! ARRGGH!