Original subtitles

[UP-TEMPO ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS]

JAKE: Beemo, turn the music down.

Beemo, turn it down! [VOLUME INCREASES]

[GROANS] Come on, beemo!

You're messing up my game! Hey, dude, can I borrow that

paper? FINN: Mm-hmm.

JAKE: [WHISTLES] Bad computer! No! No!

[MUSIC STOPS] Now go sit in the corner and

think about your life.

[CRASH!] BOTH: Snail attack!

Aaaaaah! Oof!

[CRYING] [BOTH COUGHING, GAGGING]

FINN: Oh, sick! JAKE: Ugh!

FINN: Dude, how do you fight a snail?!

JAKE: Hold on! I got this! [GRUNTS]

Don't make me use this, man! Salt?!

But I heard you guys were heroes.

FINN: We are heroes. We thought you were trying to

attack us. Why'd you break in here all mad,

squirting that juice all over us?

It's not mad juice. It's sad juice.

My name's snorlock, and I'm sa-a-a-a-d!

[SOBBING] FINN: Stop squirting slime!

Just tell us what's wrong! I need a girlfriend.

I have no one to love. FINN: Jake, hero huddle.

[SQUISH!] What do you think?

JAKE: I think our house is all jacked up.

FINN: Yeah, but he's just an innocent goober looking for

love. JAKE: Yeah.

Okay, let's help him. But he's got to lay off the

house. FINN: Right!

All right, man. We'll help you hook up as long

as you -- yay!

BOTH: Whoa! [SMASH!]

[CRE-E-E-E-AK!] Aaah!

JAKE: Lay off the house, man! [SADLY] You guys won't help

me? [WHIMPERS]

FINN: All right! All right! We'll help you, dude!

Just put our house back! Okay!

Right after I get a girlfriend. FINN: Aw!

All right, you big crazy. It's a deal.

[GIGGLES] FINN: Jake, what time is it?

JAKE: I don't know, but you're probably gonna say...

BOTH: Lady time! [WOLF WHISTLE]

F okay, snorlock, iyouf want a lady, you have to be

yourself. How do I be myself?

FINN: Uh, how does he be himself, Jake?

JAKE: Just do whatever you want, man, as long as it comes

from the inside. Like sad juice?

BOTH: No! JAKE: You keep that stuff

inside you, brother. You just got to talk to 'em.

Oh. I never done that. JAKE: Finn, you see any hot

mamas? FINN: Um...

Bam! JAKE: Go talk to her!

Go talk to her! [SIGHS]

Okay.

Oh! [INHALES] Hello.

Hi. Mm.

You seem like a reasonable male. We should go to a movie

sometime. JAKE: He's got this.

FINN: Yeah. Uh...

I like old movies. [CHUCKLES]

Uh, uh, uh... Um, are you okay?

[SCREAMING] Aaaaaaaaah!

Girlfriend! Girlfriend! BOTH: Aaah!

Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend!

Girlfriend! Girlfriend! FINN: Dude! Our house!

We got to do something! JAKE: Relax. I got it.

Snorlock! Hey, snorlock. You okay, buddy?

Went a little nuts there, guy. You got to get that under

control, 'cause you're scaring ladies and jacking up our house.

I'm sorry. Are you gonna leave me?

JAKE: Aw, who could leave you?

Come here, you big hot mess. FINN: Break it up, you two!

We have ladies to attend to! JAKE: Yeah, the ladies.

Talking to ladies is hard. JAKE: No, it's not.

Check it out, snorlock. Finn, you be the guy snail, and

I'll be...The chick snail. FINN: Ugh! Gross, Jake!

JAKE: Come on, man. We're just pretending.

Do it for love. [WHIMPERING]

FINN: Okay. I'll do it for this guy.

[GASPS] FINN: [CLEARS THROAT]

What's up, lady snail? JAKE: [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]

Well, I'm just sitting here thinking about mating with

snails. FINN: No!

I can't do this, man! I am out! I'll mate with you.

JAKE: [NORMAL VOICE] We're just role playing, buddy.

Aww. JAKE: Here, Finn.

This time you be the chick and I'll be the snail dude.

[SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!] Hey, baby. What's up?

FINN: Uh -- wha?! Mm-mmm!

[SNIFFS] Mm-mmm!

[DEEP VOICE] Girl, you smell good.

Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?

Say "yes"! [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Say

"yes"! [DEEP VOICE] Say "yes"!

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Say "yes"!

FINN: Okay! Yes! JAKE: [NORMAL VOICE] See,

snorlock? Talking to ladies is easy.

Just act like me.

Uh...Girl, you smell good. You can smell me?

May I smell you more? Uh, okay.

[SNIFFS] Cupcakes.

Uh, I have to go. Did you take a bath?

Don't ever talk to me again. Please don't go! Don't go!

Aww. JAKE: Aw, it's okay, buddy.

Come here and give us a hug. Man, I wish you guys were

ladies. FINN: Uh...

JAKE: Stay focused, snorlock. You have any cool talents that

ladies might like? No.

JAKE: Um... Hey, Finn, teach him how to use

swords. The princesses always love this

one. FINN: Yah! Yah! Yah! Yah!

Yaaaah! Hyah! JAKE: Do you think you can do

that, snorlock? I don't know.

JAKE: Hmm. Maybe you're musical.

Can you do this? [INHALES DEEPLY]

[BEATBOXING]

Try doing all that. Hmm.

[GRUNTS] [POP!]

[SHING!] [BEATBOXING]

BOTH: Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

My word, Eleanor! What is that alluring sound?

I have no idea. JAKE: Yeah, snorlock!

Show us that talent! FINN: Whoo-hoo!

Oh, my! What is that?

What is that wonderful sound? Do I see swords?

FINN: Jake, these chicks look pretty serious.

JAKE: Let's just let snorlock do his thing.

Go to it, buddy! [BEATBOXING CONTINUES]

Ohh! Ooh!

Ahh. JAKE: Look at him go!

Bringing in the ladies. FINN: Uh, he's bringing in a

lot of ladies. Mm!

[CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!]

Beep! [CRASH!]

[BOTH SCREAMING] FINN: Snorlock!

These ladies are ruining our tree house!

Stop!

[CONTINUES BEATBOXING] [SMOOCHING]

BOTH: Whoa! JAKE: Wedge, dude!

FINN: [GRUNTING] JAKE: [GRUNTING]

It's no use, man. It's stuck with snail slime.

FINN: Wha?! [GRUNTING]

JAKE: Finn! Aah! [BOTH GRUNT]

FINN: How are we gonna get our house back?

Salt?!

JAKE: Dude, I'm going in. FINN: Wha?! Jake! No!

You'll get slimed or grinded on! JAKE: [PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

Hmph!

FINN: [GASPS]

JAKE: Snorlock, I'm gonna give you till the count of

three, mister! One...

Two... Three!

[CONTINUES BEATBOXING] JAKE: Fine.

I didn't want to have to do this.

[INHALES DEEPLY] [BLOWS]

[BEATBOXING SLOWS]

[BEATBOXING STOPS] [SIZZLE!]

Aaaaaah! Ow! Ow!

Owwwwwww! Oh, my gosh. He's naked.

[LAUGHTER] What? I'm naked?

But I've never had a shell. JAKE: Snorlock, you never had

a shell? That means you're not naked.

You're a slug. Me, a slug?

FINN: Yeah, man. That's why you have trouble with

snail chicks. You need slug chicks.

I don't know any slug chicks. Actually, I-I'm not really a

snail. I'm a slug.

My shell's made of peppermint. [LAUGHS]

[SMOOCHING]

FINN: That's gross! JAKE: I don't know why they

have to make out so close to our house.

FINN: I don't know. Come on.

Let's finish rebuilding it. I got some ear plugs you can

borrow. [UP-TEMPO ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Where's that music coming from?

Go! Go! Go! Go! FINN: Beemo!

Get over here and help us rebuild the tree house.

JAKE: Yeah. You live here, too!

[VOLUME INCREASES] BOTH: Oh, beemo!

[SQUIRRRRRT!]