All language subtitles for D.H.S01E01.The.Recruit.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-WELP_Track03

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:03,754 - All right, who's ready to have a good time, huh? 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,923 That's right. That's what I like to hear. 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,175 Uh, show of hands, how many people have, uh, 4 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,219 been to a taping of a TV show before? 5 00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:11,845 - Thank you. Okay. 6 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,806 Just remember: "The movie's hilarious. 7 00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,225 Everyone buy tickets." 8 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:17,643 - Let me ask you a question. - Yeah. 9 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,728 - Do you think I'm good in the movie? 10 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,897 - Come on, Kev. I'm your agent. Of course I think you're good 11 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,941 in the movie. You know who else thinks you're good in the movie? 12 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,859 The studio. 13 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,736 Now go knock 'em dead. Big smiles, big laughs. 14 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:30,322 America's funny man. 15 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,491 - And, uh, we're gonna have a great time, all right? 16 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,909 - "America's funny man." 17 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,831 - Oh, now, Kev, people are just raving 18 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,876 about this new movie of yours. - Oh, my God, they're raving. 19 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,461 - You are working with 20 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,463 Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, 21 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,257 playing his comedy sidekick again. 22 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,883 What is this, the sixth time now? 23 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,051 - Number six. 24 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,803 - How do you keep it so fresh? 25 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,097 - I mean, look, Dwayne and I are, um... 26 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,515 You know, we're friends. 27 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:57,641 - #Jealous. - Lucky. 28 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,937 - He's lucky, too. He's lucky, too. 29 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,730 But I mean, look, when you are friends, 30 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,148 you feed off of each other. 31 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,734 That energy, of course, transfers, but, uh, 32 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,820 I don't know, I would like to think of my, my characters 33 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,822 as, as heroes, as well. 34 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,909 I-I don't know what the... 35 00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,744 I don't know why they laugh. 36 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,371 I'm very serious. 37 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:20,998 You know, I've-I've actually... I've been... 38 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,292 I've been trying to become a leading man, you know? 39 00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,127 Do more of an action star thing. 40 00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,212 But I've been... I've been somewhat typecast. 41 00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,131 For some reason, people only see me as the funny guy. 42 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,049 - You make me laugh. - Yeah. - No. Thank you. Glad... 43 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,676 Glad, you know, appreciate it. - I'm not an easy audience. 44 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,180 - Yeah, you know, but it's just... It's... I can do more 45 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:40,267 than show up and do the funny or do the dance. I'm... 46 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,102 - Would you, though? - Would you do that dance? 47 00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:43,228 - Come on. - Come on. 48 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,605 Who wants to see Kevin dance? 49 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,190 Huh? 50 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,816 - We'll get the Macarena going. Anybody? 51 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,443 - We would love that. - No. 52 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,278 No. 53 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,030 I'm not... I'm not gonna dance. 54 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,199 - Next time. Next time, then, for sure. 55 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,783 - Oh, dear. - Uh, but getting back to the movie, 56 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,660 t-tell-tell us just how great this movie is. 57 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,078 - The, uh, the movie's garbage. 58 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,496 - Sorry. 59 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,498 - Yeah. The movie's garbage. 60 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,125 Take the movie, ball it up, 61 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,543 throw it in the trash can. 62 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,128 How many times do you need to see me 63 00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,881 in a car with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, 64 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,383 and I'm the comedy sidekick, and he's saving lives, 65 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,178 and I got a catchphrase: "Oh, hell no!"? 66 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,429 - We love it when you say that. 67 00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,056 - Oh, yeah. Can you do it again? - Yeah. 68 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,849 - Here's my question: why can't I be an action star? 69 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,893 - I read something online 70 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,686 a-about, uh, you being 71 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,939 afraid of woodland creatures. - Oh, yes. 72 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,565 - About me what? - A beaver? 73 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,526 It was a s-squirrel. A squirrel. - A squirrel. It was a squirrel. 74 00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:31,527 -Yes, that you have a fear of squirrels. 75 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:32,736 - And who's afraid of a squirrel? 76 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,071 - I'm not fucking afraid of a squirrel! 77 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,948 - Okay. - I'm not afraid of shit. 78 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,241 - Okay, you've said it. You've made your point there. 79 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,243 - I'm not afraid of shit. - Yeah. 80 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,577 - And I'm more than just the guy that does comedy. 81 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,995 I'm a fucking action star, all right? 82 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,622 So why don't you start taking me a little serious? 83 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:46,083 Tell me what I am and what I'm not. 84 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,044 If I didn't have what the fuck it takes, would I show this? 85 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:52,214 Or that? 86 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,632 Back up! - Yup. 87 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,217 - Whoa, Kev, Kev, Kev. Kev, hey. 88 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,177 You got to go back out there, say it was a joke. 89 00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:59,221 - Talking about "it was a joke"? You don't get it, man. 90 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,014 All right? I'm trying to be taken seriously. 91 00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,350 My whole life, I've dreamed of becoming an action hero. 92 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,102 - Well, you know, maybe instead of dreaming, 93 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,854 you should just stay in your own lane. 94 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,105 - What the fuck did you just say? 95 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,648 - What are you doing? 96 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,573 - It was a bit. We were doing a bit. 97 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,078 - I'm not afraid of [bleep]. - Okay, you've said it. 98 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,746 You've made your point there. - I'm not afraid of [bleep]. 99 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,164 - Yeah. - And I'm more than just 100 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,666 the guy that does comedy. 101 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,084 I'm a [bleep] action star, all right? 102 00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,335 So why don't you start [bleep]? 103 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,462 - That was our star Kevin Hart, 104 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:36,675 and apparently he's... going through something. 105 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,886 - To say the least. You don't see Tom Cruise... 106 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,101 - I already know what you're gonna say. 107 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:48,020 You're gonna say, "Apologize," and then after that if I go... 108 00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,063 - No, no, no. Kev, it's too late to apologize. 109 00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,149 The studio already removed you from the fucking billboard. 110 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,776 - So I'm done? Just like that, I'm done? 111 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,195 - Maybe not. 112 00:03:56,278 --> 00:04:01,116 Claude Van De Velde wants to meet with you. 113 00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,205 - Claude Van De Velde? You're talking about the director? 114 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,040 - Yes. Claude Van De Velde, 115 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:10,083 director of four of the six biggest action movies 116 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:14,796 of all time, saw the interview and wants to meet. 117 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,298 - Why? What-what...? 118 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,925 You know what? It don't matter. 119 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,636 It d... It doesn't even fucking matter. I'm there, okay? 120 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,846 I'm there. 121 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,433 Oh, shit. 122 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,359 - I have seen all your films. 123 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,779 I like all your films, but you, Kevin-- 124 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,281 you don't like your films. - Wow, you can tell, huh? 125 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,283 - Of course I can tell. 126 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:46,328 You and I-- we are the same. 127 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,956 My movies have grossed billions of dollars. 128 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,166 - Mm. - Who cares? 129 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,585 - Yeah, I mean, it's not about the money, right? 130 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:58,549 - It is about finding yourself inside an artistic expression. 131 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,050 - Yes. 132 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,302 - I want to find you, Kevin. 133 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,222 Will you let me find you? 134 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,433 - You found me. I'm right here, man. 135 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:13,146 - My next project is a serious, gritty action film. 136 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:16,859 It requires a serious, gritty actor. 137 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,903 You, Kevin. 138 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,406 I want you in the leading role. 139 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,783 - Holy shit, man. You got to be... - Oh. 140 00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,201 - Excuse you. 141 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,870 Watch it, man. - My apologies, sir. 142 00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:30,622 - Mark Wahlberg would not scream at a party server. 143 00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,875 - Oh, I didn't scream. I didn't... I didn't scream... 144 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,294 - An action star is tough, confident, 145 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:40,257 unfazed by minor details that disrupt the average layperson. 146 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,259 - Yeah, I... I was unfazed. 147 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,095 I wasn't fazed at all from that. - If you really want this part, 148 00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:48,265 I need you to attend a training program. 149 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,268 All the best action stars have gone through it. 150 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,562 - I don't... You're talking, like, an action star school? 151 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,981 - Stallone. Van Damme. 152 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,608 Steven Seagal. 153 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,277 Jackie Chan. They're all alums. 154 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,696 - Wow. I just kind of assumed all those guys had the... 155 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,364 had the juice, 156 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,949 the mojo. - Do you remember 157 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,244 what Matt Damon was before he was Jason Bourne? 158 00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:11,872 - Yeah, he-he'd just won an Oscar. 159 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:15,250 - Neither do I. This program turned a no-name Matt Damon 160 00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:18,253 into a leading man revered around the world. 161 00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:22,424 - Look, with all due respect, I don't need that. 162 00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,510 I don't, I don't need none of that. 163 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:25,928 I'm ready now. 164 00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:29,181 I'm ready right now. 165 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,807 - Down here, Kevin. 166 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,977 You don't think you need training, 167 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,313 you want the part right now. 168 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:41,151 Well, your new part is waiting for you on that rooftop. 169 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,198 Go and get it! 170 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,963 Oh, shit! 171 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,298 Help! Help me! 172 00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:05,509 Help me! - So good. 173 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,177 He's doing his famous "Help me" scene 174 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,012 from Ride Along 2. - Help me! Help me! 175 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,389 Help! 176 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,518 - Look, Kev, I don't love the idea 177 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,186 of you driving out to the middle of nowhere 178 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,230 to go to some... - Action star school. 179 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,232 - Right, yes. That, Kev. 180 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,317 Maybe we just wait a little longer. 181 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,444 Eventually, the studios will forget how badly you fucked up, 182 00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:25,863 and they'll offer you a new sidekick role. 183 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,740 - No. This is my time to shine! 184 00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:31,410 You believe in me, don't you? 185 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,245 Don't you? 186 00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:35,414 Danny? You believe in... 187 00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,416 Oh, shit. 188 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,459 Damn reception. 189 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,303 Oh, hell, no. 190 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,357 Ron Wilcox? 191 00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,277 Shit. 192 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,196 Don't be a bitch, Kevin. 193 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:10,115 Be Academy Award-winning Matt Damon. 194 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:13,243 Get the fuck off my car. 195 00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:20,292 Um, hello? 196 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,505 Anybody here? 197 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,424 Claude Van De Velde sent me. 198 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,551 - No, no. You tell me what you want to tell me. 199 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,512 Why are you here? 200 00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,347 Why are you here? - Where's my nephew Rodrigo? 201 00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,474 - Uh, fellas? - What do you mean, where's your nephew? 202 00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,309 I don't know where the fuck your nephew is. 203 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,478 - Hey! 204 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,730 Excuse me. - Now you don't trust me? 205 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,233 - I know you murdered my nephew Rodrigo. 206 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:45,901 - Bullshit, motherfucker! 207 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,402 I didn't murder Rodrigo. 208 00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,696 Look, you got your money, I got my shipment. 209 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,740 I don't know where Rodrigo is. - Oh. 210 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,242 - Maybe he's fucking your mother. 211 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,452 - Our training has already begun. Oh. 212 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,954 Okay. Uh... 213 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,372 - Oh, you-you... Oh, come on! 214 00:08:58,455 --> 00:08:59,831 Bring it! Bring it! 215 00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:01,542 Come on! Bring that bat, motherfucker! 216 00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,836 - Hey! 217 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:07,589 You want to push somebody around, try me out. 218 00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:13,428 - Hey, and what are you? A tough guy? 219 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:14,972 - Goddamn right I'm a tough guy. 220 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,640 North Philadelphia tough. 221 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,642 I'm Kevin motherfucking... 222 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,727 - Oh. 16463

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