Original subtitles

Woman: IT'S AN HONOR TO ANNOUNCE

THIS YEAR'S BLOSSOM QUEEN WINNER,

THE MOST IMPORTANT CROWN THAT ANY GIRL CAN EVER WEAR:

DYLAN SCHOENFIELD!

( music playing )

( camera shutter clicks )

( cheers and applause )

Principal Guthrie: DYLAN.

DYLAN?

DYLAN!

YES, PRINCIPAL GUTHRIE?

THE BLOSSOM QUEEN CAMPAIGN APPLICATION.

I NEED YOUR SIGNATURE.

( class bell rings )

OH. THANKS.

( snaps fingers )

( clears throat ) NEXT?

THIS YEAR'S GOING TO BE TRèS FANTASTIQUE. KNOW WHY?

Girls: WHY?

BECAUSE ONCE I'M CROWNED BLOSSOM QUEEN,

I WILL BE THE MOST POPULAR GIRL AT WOODLANDS ACADEMY EVER.

( girls titter )

DRAMA CLUB.

EASY VOTE. THEY LIKE MY DRAMATIC FLAIR.

OOH! THE VERY SHIRT I INTRODUCED LAST SEMESTER.

FOLLOWERS. EASY VOTES.

FILM CLUB NERDS.

YOU'RE LIKE A MOVIE STAR TO THEM.

TOTALLY.

INDIE ROCK WANNABES.

WHAT'S WITH THE GUITARS, PEOPLE?

THIS ISN'T A CAMPFIRE!

CAN YOU BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY USED TO BE

FRIENDS WITH AMY LOUBALU?

ALAS, IT'S TRUE--

UNTIL I TRADED UP TO YOU TWO.

DYLAN!

I TOOK YOUR SUGGESTION

AND GOT MY HAIR CUT INTO A BOB.

DEFINITELY CUTED UP.

SEE? PEOPLE KNOW I CARE. EASY VOTE.

BUT WHAT ABOUT NICOLE PATERSON?

SHE'S MAJOR COMPETITION.

( low feline growl )

LOLA AND HANNAH SEE ME AS THEIR LEADER,

AND A LEADER SHOULD NEVER SHOW WEAKNESS.

THAT WOULD BE TRèS MAUVAIS.

THAT'S FRENCH FOR "EW."

"WHAT" AND "EVER."

A GOOD CANDIDATE LIKES THE COMPETISH.

IF I RAN FOR BLOSSOM QUEEN UNOPPOSED AND WON,

BORING.

AND WHO HAS THE NUMBER ONE SEAT ON THE RAMP?

MOI.

DUDE. HEY.

OH, LOOK. ASHER'S HOLDING IT FOR ME.

OHH! SO SWEET.

OHH!

OHH! YOU-- YOU GEEK!

THIS IS DESIGNER!

NO, IT'S TUNA NOODLE CASSEROLE.

YOU ARE SO GUH-ROSS!

"GROSS" IS JUST ONE SYLLABLE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THE POPULAR PEOPLE LIKE ME

ARE FORCED TO SHARE THE SAME AIR

AS NERDERERS LIKE YOU!

WHAT?!

FORCED TO SHARE THE SAME AIR AS ME?

OKAY, YOU WEAR SO MUCH PERFUME,

YOU NEED A GAS MASK JUST TO SURVIVE!

WATCH.

IS THIS YESTERDAY'S FETTUCCINI ALFREDO...

RECYCLED?

NO PAPARAZZI!

( camera beeps )

OHH!

SO SWEET.

OHH! OHH!

OHH! YOU-- YOU GEEK!

THIS IS DESIGNER!

NO, IT'S TUNA NOODLE CASSEROLE.

YOU ARE SO GUH-ROSS!

"GROSS" IS JUST ONE SYLLABLE.

OHH!

( snickers ) THAT'S CLASSIC.

LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIENDS!

BUT I DIDN'T--!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THE POPULAR PEOPLE LIKE ME

AR FORCED TO SHARE THE SAME AIR AS NERDERERS LIKE YOU!

I PREFER THE TERM "FILM GEEK."

THEY MUST PRACTICE THAT.

CASABLANCA. CURTIZ IS THE DIRECTOR.

IT ALSO STARS INGRID BERGMAN,

PETER LORRE, AND CLAUDE RAINS.

AS BOGART'S BEST FILM? I FULLY DISAGREE.

THE AFRICAN QUEEN, WITH KATHERINE HEPBURN,

DIRECTED BY JOHN HUSTON.

I MEAN, IT'S MIRACULOUS.

I MEAN, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. HI!

OH, LOOK.

THE FILM CLUB PRESIDENT FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW UP.

SORRY, GUYS, I GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC ON THE DIVA FREEWAY.

WOW. WHERE'S YOUR LUNCH?

DYLAN SCHOENFIELD'S WEARING IT.

MY FOOD WENT WHERE NO MERE MORTAL HAS EVER GONE BEFORE--

THE RAMP.

YOU NEED A PASSPORT TO GO IN THERE.

PASSPORT?

YOU NEED A ROBOT ARMY,

WITH LEVEL-83 DRAGON SLAYER SKILLS.

OKAY, GUYS, SERIOUSLY,

IT'S A WHOLE OTHER ALIEN WORLD,

A MYSTERY SPECIES.

WE'LL NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND THE POPULARS

AND THE WAY THEIR STRANGE VORTEX WORKS.

( sparks and shrieks )

OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU INVENTING NOW?

( blows ) ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CHESS.

HEY, AMY.

Choir: * AAAHHH

THAT'S A COOL GUITAR CASE.

NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, FRIEND.

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT, PAL.

CALCULATE THIS, JOSH.

YOU'VE BEEN CRUSHING ON AMY LOUBALU

SINCE THIRD GRADE. WE'RE JUNIORS.

THAT'S APPROXIMATELY 2,268 SCHOOL DAYS,

MINUS SUMMER BREAKS, THAT YOU COULD HAVE ASKED HER OUT, AND HAVEN'T.

I'D GO OUT WITH YOU.

GUYS, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DATING.

OKAY, THE PUGET SOUND FILM FESTIVAL IS ONLY SIX WEEKS AWAY.

AND HE'S OUR SCHOOL'S BEST SHOT AT TOTAL DOMINATION

IN THE CITY'S STUDENT FILM SCENE. YOU'D BETTER WIN.

NO, I GOTTA WIN.

OKAY, FIRST PRIZE IS A SUMMER

AT A HOLLYWOOD FILM CAMP,

IN LOS ANGELES.

ALL RIGHT, I WANT TO MAKE THIS

GROUNDBREAKING DOCUMENTARY

THAT TRULY CHANGES THE BAR--

YOU KNOW, A FILM THAT ESTABLISHES ME

AS THE NEXT CINEMATIC GENIUS.

SO, WHAT'S THE DOCUMENTARY ABOUT?

NO IDEA.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA?

SO...

WANNA GO OUT WITH ME?

( sparks and shrieks )

NO.

( knock on door )

( Scottish accent ) COME IN.

MR. F.?

OH. JOSH.

I BROUGHT MY APPLICATION.

FAVORITE STUDENT.

GREAT, GREAT. LIKE THIS.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT MY STAR STUDENT

HAS COME UP WITH, HUH?

IT'S A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE EVOLUTION OF...

ROBOT VOICES IN THE SCIENCE FICTION GENRE?

YEAH. YOU KNOW HOW NO TWO ROBOTS

EVER SOUND THE SAME IN ANY SCI-FI MOVIE?

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE YOUR "I. AM. A. ROBOT."

BUT THEN YOU HAVE THESE FUTURISTIC, LIKE...

( imitates beeping ) JOSH.

YOUR ARTISTIC VISION IS ROBOT VOICES?

YEAH. MR. F., I'M STRUGGLING HERE.

I'VE GOT ALL THESE GREAT IDEAS, BUT...

NONE OF 'EM ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

YOU REALLY WOULD LIKE TO WIN THAT TRIP

TO HOLLYWOOD FILM CAMP, HUH?

MORE THAN ANYTHING.

THEN CHALLENGE YOURSELF, JOSH.

CHOOSE A DOCUMENTARY SUBJECT MATTER

WHERE YOU STRETCH YOUR LIMITS.

EXPLORE NEW TERRITORY. DISCOVER THE TRUTH.

HOW 'BOUT INSTEAD OF ROBOTS...

A HUMAN SUBJECT?

A HUMAN?

OKAY. SO, CHALLENGING.

TRUTHFUL.

BUT HUMAN.

GOT IT.

RIGHT. NOW, I WILL NEED A REAL PROPOSAL BY TOMORROW.

OTHERWISE, I WILL HAVE TO GIVE OUR SCHOOL'S SLOT

TO ANOTHER STUDENT.

Okay.

NO, I AM NOT TAKING A DOLLAR LESS THAN THE LISTING PRICE.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

I CAN HAVE THE PAPERWORK SENT RIGHT OVER.

GREAT. TALK TO YOU SOON.

WELL, SWEETIE, WHAT DO YOU THINK--

DO WE TURN THIS PLACE INTO A SPARKLES CUPCAKES

OR ACCESSORIES BARN?

DAD, ANYONE WHO BUYS THEIR ACCESSORIES IN A BARN

IS TOTES TRAGIQUE.

I VOTE FOR CUPCAKES.

GIVES IT MORE OF A GLAM FACTOR.

AND THAT IS WHY YOU'RE MY TOP ADVISOR.

( cell phone rings ) UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I AM GONNA HAVE TO HEAD BACK TO THE OFFICE FOR A LATE MEETING.

WHATEVS. OOH, I NEED TO BORROW YOUR MARKETING TEAM.

MARKETING TEAM? WHY?

BLOSSOM QUEEN! IT'S ESSENTIAL!

I NEED SIGNS, BROCHURES, HEADSHOTS...!

OH, WELL... ABSOLUTELY NOT.

BUT NICOLE PATERSON HAS THE WHOLE VARSITY AND J.V. FOOTBALL TEAM

MAKING POSTERS FOR HER CAMPAIGN.

YES, AND YOU HAVE INGENUITY.

IF YOU WANT TO WIN, YOU NEED TO DO THIS ON YOUR OWN.

YOU'RE A SMART GIRL. ( cell phone rings )

GOTTA PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS.

( cell phone rings )

YES, THIS IS ALAN.

BOOTSTRAPS? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

UM, HEL-LO! BOOTS HAVE ZIPPERS!

I SHOULD KNOW.

I TRIED ON 17 PAIRS AT SHOES UNLIMITED LAST WEEK,

AND NONE OF THE 16 PAIRS I BOUGHT HAD STRAPS.

BAD RECEPTION?

YEAH, UH, WELL...

DUDE, SERIOUSLY,

THIS IS NOT REFUNDABLE.

Tell you what. Here's 20% off on your next phone.

THANKS.

Choir: * AAAHHH

IT'S IMPORTED LEATHER.

IMPORTED FROM WHERE?

SOMEWHERE FOREIGN WITH LOTS OF SHIPPING COSTS. DUH!

YEAH. PROBABLY ITALY. DUH!

( bee buzzing ) A BEE?

A BEE?

OH, MY GOSH, A BEE!

A BEE! A BEE! ( shrieking )

OH! OH, NO! OH, MY GOSH!

STOP! OH, MY GOSH!

OH, MY...!

AAAHHH!

OHH! OH, NO!

OH, MY GOSH! MY PURSE!

HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!

( bell dings )

( William Tell Overture playing )

SOMEONE TURN THE FOUNTAIN OFF! CHOP-CHOP!

( William Tell Overture continuing )

HELP!

HELP ME! MY PURSE! AAAHHH!

IT'S A SERGE SANCHEZ! WILL SOMEBODY HELP ME?

SOMEONE TURN THE FOUNTAIN OFF!

MR. FARLEY SAID THAT MY MOVIE SUBJECT SHOULD BE HUMAN.

DYLAN SCHOENFIELD'S HUMAN.

SORT OF.

SHE'S DEFINITELY A CHALLENGE.

A BIG CHALLENGE.

SOMEONE TURN OFF THE FOUNTAIN NOW!

WHY AREN'T THEY LISTENING TO ME?

GIVE ME YOUR PHONE.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING? 9-1-1.

( gasps ) IT'S THAT GEEK FROM LUNCH TODAY!

HE'S SAVING YOUR PURSE!

WHAT?!

WAIT. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WAIT.

REALLY?

( happy shrieks )

UGH!

EW!

WHAT?!

GO WOODLANDS!

VOTE PATERSON!

IMPORTED LEATHER NEEDS SPECIALTY CLEANING.

WHEN MY CELL PHONE GOT WET, I--

MY SERGE SANCHEZ!

YOU NAMED YOUR PURSE?

NOT SO FAST!

I HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR YOU.

WHATEVER IT IS, THE ANSWER IS N-O.

SPELLS "NO WAY."

CAN I AT LEAST PROPOSE THE PROPOSAL FIRST?

I WANT YOU TO STAR IN MY MOVIE FOR THE FILM FESTIVAL.

OH... WHAT?

STAR? UH, WHAT'S IT, UH...

WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

YOU. YOUR LIFE.

YOU KNOW, WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE POPULAR

AND RUN FOR BLOSSOM QUEEN.

( bell dings )

NICOLE PATERSON MIGHT HAVE BUTTONS AND POSTERS,

BUT WHAT'S THAT COMPARED TO A MOVIE--

ESPECIALLY IF IT'S ABOUT ME?

DEAL. ONCE YOU LOSE THIS.

DEAL.

THE COMPETITION JUST GOT SERIOUS.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN SERIOUS FOR ME.

( snaps fingers ) ZACH!

( clears throat daintily )

TOMORROW. LUNCH. THE DINING HALL.

WE CAN START FILMING MY MOVIE THEN.

ACTUALLY, IT'S MY MOVIE.

WHERE ARE MY SHOES?

YOU NEED SOME MAJOR CPR, SERGE.

MARTA?

I NEED HELP CARRYING.

MARTA?

"DYLAN, WENT TO DENTIST.

DINNER'S IN THE FRIDGE. LOVE, MARTA."

YOU'LL BE AS GOOD AS NEW, SERGE.

Male Vocalist: * AS OF LATE

* CAN'T GO OUTSIDE

* CAN'T GET IN MY CAR

* AND GO FOR A RIDE

* ALL I CAN DO IS TRY

* TO SMILE

* AS MY THOUGHTS PASS BY YOU *

( computer chimes )

"AMY POSTED A PICTURE OF DYLAN..."

What?

WHY'D SHE DO THAT?

* NOTHING IS THE WAY

* IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE

MY MOM TOOK THAT PHOTO

WHEN AMY AND I WON THE SECOND GRADE SCIENCE FAIR,

BACK WHEN WE WERE BESTIES.

MOM DIED LATER THAT SAME YEAR.

SOMETIMES I LIKE TO LOOK THROUGH HER OLD STUFF.

MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M STILL WITH HER.

( door squeaks )

( door squeaks )

( door squeaks )

JOSH, IS THAT YOU?

NO, MOM, IT'S A BURGLAR

WHO JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE KEYS TO THE FRONT DOOR.

HEY, MOUSE! WHO'D YOU BARK AT TODAY, BUDDY?

WHO'D YOU BARK AT TODAY?

WHO'D YOU BARK AT TODAY?

OH, YES, YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!

LET'S GO! COME ON! COME ON! COME ON!

COME ON! COME ON!

( sighs )

( speaking Japanese )

SAME TO YOU... I THINK.

HEY, GUESS WHAT! I FOUND MY NEW DOCUMENTARY SUBJECT.

DYLAN SCHOENFIELD.

OH, THAT IS WONDERFUL, HON.

YEAH. WHO IS HE?

SHE, MOM.

ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR GIRLS AT SCHOOL.

I WAS GONNA FOLLOW HER AROUND AND SHOOT

HER BLOSSOM QUEEN CAMPAIGN.

I'M THINKING A HARD-HITTING EXPOSé ON POPULARITY.

HUH. WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN AMBITIOUS PROJECT.

YEAH. SPEAKING OF PROJECTS--

MOM, WHAT IS THAT?

SUSHI-MAKING CLASS.

I AM MAKING A SPICY DRAGON ROLL.

GREAT.

( chuckles ) THERE WE GO.

( water boiling )

( indistinct shouting )

HEY, MOM, YOU JUST WANT TO PHONE IN FOR PIZZA INSTEAD?

OH, YES. SO MUCH BETTER.

NO. NO, NO, NO, NO!

GO GET HIM!

HEY, PAUL, IT'S SANDY.

OH, I LIKE THIS, HUH?

AN EXPOSé ON POPULARITY.

YEP. YOU TOLD ME TO CHALLENGE MYSELF,

AND, UH, DYLAN SCHOENFIELD'S PROVING TO BE A BIG CHALLENGE.

DON'T FORGET WHAT ELSE I SAID:

SEEK OUT THE TRUTH, HUH? RIGHT.

THE BEST DOCUMENTARIANS LEAVE THEIR PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS AT THE DOOR.

UH... TOTALLY, MR. F. YEAH.

DYLAN SCHOENFIELD, HUH?

POPULARITY COULD TURN OUT TO BE MORE COMPLICATED THAN YOU THINK.

WELCOME TO THE COMPETITION, JOSH.

NEXT STOP HOLLYWOOD, HUH?

YEAH. LITTLE BIT OF THAT ACTION!

HEY, YOU READY TO START?

ALMOST. HOLD THIS.

FIRST, SOME GROUND RULES.

ONE, WE NEED TO SET A STRICT FILMING SCHEDULE.

NO HANGING AROUND ME BEFORE OR AFTER.

SURE, LIKE I'D WANT TO.

TWO, I NEED A BEAUTY BUDGET,

SO $50 A WEEK SHOULD SUFFICE.

BEAUTY BUDGET?

I ONLY GET $5 A DAY FOR LUNCH.

THREE, NO FILMING FROM MY LEFT SIDE, EVER.

IT'S MY BAD SIDE, SEE?

THEY'RE EXACTLY THE SA--

ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS HIGH-MAINTENANCE?

IT IS NOT HIGH MAINTENANCE TO WANT TO LOOK NICE.

VOILà. NOW I'M DONE.

HEY... DON'T YOU WANT THIS?

OH, YOU CAN JUST SET IT DOWN AT MY SEAT.

THE RAMP?

DUH. WHERE ELSE WOULD WE EAT LUNCH?

( gasps )

( gasps )

DYLAN?

SHOOTIN' A MOVIE.

EXCUSE ME.

ONE SMALL STEP FOR GEEKS...

ONE GIANT LEAP FOR GEEK-KIND!

NOT NOW.

Josh: WHY SO DETERMINED TO BE BLOSSOM QUEEN?

BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST WAY TO ENSURE LIFELONG POPULARITY.

AREN'T YOU ALREADY POPULAR?

LET ME ASK YOU THIS: DOES SUNSHINE LEMONADE ADVERTISE?

YEAH, THEY HAVE THE COMMERCIALS WITH THE WATERSKIING PENGUINS.

OH, I LIKE THE PENGUINS!

SUNSHINE IS ALREADY NUMBER ONE.

THEY DON'T NEED TO ADVERTISE,

BUT THEY DO IT TO STAY NUMBER ONE. GET IT?

GOT IT. GOOD.

EVERYONE THINKS IT'S SO EASY BEING THE POPULAR GIRL.

IT'S SO NOT EASY.

GIRLS, THIS IS MOI'S MOVIE.

ACTUALLY, IF THEY WANT TO ADD SOMETHING, THAT'S FINE.

BUT BEING POPULAR IS SO NOT EASY.

IT'S LIKE ROYALTY OR BEING THE FIRST LADY:

YOU HAVE TO LIVE UP TO IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS OF BEAUTY

AND YOU'RE EXPECTED TO BE A GOOD INFLUENCE.

LIKE, I HELP OUT THE LESS FORTUNATE.

OH, YOU HAVE A CHARITY?

ABSOLUMENT. FASHION VICTIMS.

UN MOMENT.

HANNAH, THE YELLOW SCARF YOU'RE WEARING IS WASHING YOU OUT.

HERE. WEAR MINE INSTEAD.

SEE? I JUST SACRIFICED MY OWN OUTFIT FOR HERS.

BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.

OHH!

JOSH!

OHH!

HEY.

IF YOU'RE A 10, YOU CAN ONLY DATE A 10,

LIKE ASHER.

COMING TO WATCH ME PLAY VOLLEYBALL? MM-HMM.

DYLAN, HE'S BLOCKING YOUR LIGHT.

WHY IS THERE A TALKING NERD HERE?

ASHER, WE'VE DONE ALL OF THIS.

JOSH IS MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT ME WINNING BLOSSOM QUEEN.

PLAY NICE.

DOESN'T MESS WITH MY VOLLEYBALL "SCHEDGE"?

NEVER. WE'LL WORK AROUND IT.

GOT IT. THANK YOU.

SO THIS IS WHAT YOU DO AFTER SCHOOL?

SHOPPING IMPROVES THE ECONOMY.

HOW... THOUGHTFUL.

I KNOW, RIGHT? I CARE.

RIGHT.

SO, IN A SCIENTIFIC SENSE, HOW DOES POPULARITY WORK?

ARE THE OTHER BLOSSOM QUEEN CANDIDATES...?

THERE ARE LEVELS OF POPULARITY,

ANYWHERE FROM STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT POPULAR

TO ONLY POPULAR WITH YOUR PARENTS.

SURE NICOLE'S CHEERLEADER POPULAR,

BUT IS SHE BLOSSOM QUEEN POPULAR?

DOUBTFUL!

SO, HOW DOES ONE MOVE UP THIS SOCIAL SCALE OF POPULARITY?

WELL, ONE WAY IS HOPING IT'LL RUB OFF ON YOU.

POPULARITY IS CONTAGIOUS. WHAT, LIKE A COLD?

DUH!

IT'S WHY HANNAH AND LOLA BATTLE TO BE MY BETTER FRIEND.

THEIR POPULARITY COMES FROM MINE.

SIX-POINT-FIVE PERCENT SALES TAX ON 395...?

$25.67!

HATE IT, HAVE IT, HAVE IT, HAVE IT, HAVE IT, HATE IT.

I'LL TRY SOME ON JUST FOR FUN.

HOW MANY SHOES DO YOU NEED?

ONE PAIR FOR EACH DAY OF THE YEAR. WHY?

HOW MANY DO YOU OWN?

YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT 'EM.

CLEARLY.

TOTES TRAGIQUE.

SO, HOW LONG'S THIS GONNA TAKE?

NO FILMING IN HERE!

HEY, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT DYLAN.

OH! LIKE WHAT?

LIKE, DOES YOUR POPULARITY REALLY COME FROM HERS?

WE MAY NOT BE AS POPULAR AS DYLAN,

BUT WE DO KNOW SOME STUFF.

LIKE, WHEN DYLAN DOESN'T GET HER WAY,

SHE GOES FULL-ON D.Q.M.!

DRAMA QUEEN MODE.

AND ASHER ONLY DATES DYLAN BECAUSE SHE WORSHIPS HIM.

AND ASHER LOVES BEING WORSHIPED.

* TUH-DAH!

SO...

WHAT DO WE THINK?

TRèS ADORABLE! OUI OUI!

YOU GUYS! FRENCH IS M TRADEMARK! DUH!

SO POPULARS ONLY HANG WITH POPULARS?

CATS DON'T HANG WITH DOGS, RIGHT?

REALLY? THAT'S YOUR ARGUMENT?

IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.

IF EVERYONE STAYS WITH THEIR OWN GROUP,

THERE'S NO CHANCE FOR MISUNDERSTANDINGS.

LIKE... WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

TAKE YOU AND ME, FOR INSTANCE.

IF WE MINGLED OUTSIDE OF DOING MY MOVIE TOGETHER,

YOU MIGHT GET THE WRONG IDEA AND ASK ME OUT.

IMAGINE THE HORROR.

YOU'D BE SO EMBARRASSED.

( clears throat )

DID WE GET IT?

YEP.

WE GOT IT.

OW!

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS AFTER SCHOOL?

UH, PILATES, BUT NOT ON TUESDAYS. THAT'S YOGA.

AFTER YOU GRADUATE.

HOPES. DREAMS.

WHAT'S YOUR LIFE GOAL?

BLOSSOM QUEEN.

AFTER THAT.

AFTER? IF I DON'T WIN BLOSSOM QUEEN,

MY LIFE IS OFFICIALLY O-V-E-R OVER!

OH, YOU MISSED A SPOT.

I HAVE NO WORDS.

NOTHING.

JOSH...

( huffs )

SNACK BREAK? IT'S SATAY.

IT'S FROM MY THAI COOKING CLASS.

UH...

IT'S NOT-- IT'S NOT GOOD?

HOW'S THE BIG MOVIE COMING?

JOSH! JOSH!

GET MY SHOES! MY FEET ARE COLD!

WELL, SHE'S...

WELL, I DON'T--

DIVA? YEAH. YEAH.

I WANT TO MAKE THIS TRUE DOCUMENTARY

ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL POPULARITY,

BUT, MOM, THIS IS A JOKE.

WELL, I MEAN, SOMETIMES PEOPLE BEHAVE A CERTAIN WAY

BECAUSE THEY HAVE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON.

WHAT'S THE REAL DYLAN LIKE?

REAL, MOM?

OKAY, THE ONLY REAL THING ABOUT DYLAN SCHOENFIELD

IS THAT SHE'S REALLY ANNOYING.

YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

MOM. YOU HAVE TO BE AN ARCHEOLOGIST.

DIG DEEPER.

( spectators cheering )

( spectators groan )

THIS IS GOING TO LOOK FANTASTIC.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WERE INVITED TO A BEACH PARTY WITH THE POPULARS.

IT'S STRICTLY WORK, OKAY?

( laughs ) NICE BONNET.

THE SUN IS EVIL.

WELL, I FOR ONE PLAN TO HAVE FUN.

HEY.

OH, FINALLY.

I SEE YOU BROUGHT YOUR "NON-TOURAGE."

THIS IS ARI, MY SECOND A.D.

HE'S IN CHARGE OF ALL THE "B" ROLL.

WHATEVER ALL THAT MEANS.

OKAY. WELL, YOU KNOW,

I'M-- I'M GOING TO TAKE SOME ADDITIONAL... SHOTS.

SORRY WE WERE LATE. HAD TO GET DIRECTIONS.

DIRECTIONS? YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE BEACH?

EVERYBODY LIKES THE BEACH.

NOT ME.

SHOCKER: NOT EVERYONE'S INTO THE SAME THINGS YOU ARE.

I FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE.

COME ON!

OKAY.

( spectators cheer )

COME ON, EAGLES, LET'S GO!

NEXT TIME, BABY. IT'S OKAY.

WE'RE STILL TWO POINTS BEHIND.

GO, GUYS! COME ON!

WATER, BABE?

YEAH.

EXCUSE ME.

HI.

DESPITE OUR NORTHERN LATITUDE,

THE SUN STILL EMITS DANGEROUS U.V. RAYS.

IT'S LIKE SITTING IN A FRYER AT BURGER WORLD,

WITHOUT THE SIDE OF ONION RINGS.

SPF 80?

OHH.

OH, YEAH!

COME HERE.

( laughing )

( thud )

( spectators cheering )

HEY, AMY.

NICE, UH, STICK-THING.

THANKS.

IT'S CALLED A GATOR-GRABBER.

"GATOR"? LIKE ALLIGATOR.

WHOA.

THAT'S WEIRD.

SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT.

GOIN' GREEN!

HEY. DOIN' OKAY.

AMY AND I HAD OUR FIRST REAL CONVERSATION.

SHOULD BE CALLED THE CROC CATCHER,

'CAUSE CROCODILES ACTUALLY DO EAT GARBAGE.

OH.

YEAH.

JOSH!

JOSH! JOSH!

JOSH, ENOUGH WITH THE UNSCHEDULED BREAKS.

IT'S TIME TO GET BACK TO WORK.

HI TO YOU TOO, DYLAN.

HOW ARE YOU THESE DAYS?

I'D BE BETTER IF STRANGERS DIDN'T TAG ME IN ANCIENT PICS ONLINE.

COME ON, JOSH!

STRANGERS? AS I RECALL, WE USED TO BE FRIENDS.

JOSH, COME ON, LET'S GO! CHOP-CHOP! TIME IS MONEY!

'BYE, AMY.

'BYE, JOSH.

OH! I SO SAVED YOU BACK THERE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN FOCUSED ON FILMING ME INSTEAD OF FLIRTING.

FLIRTING?

I WASN'T-- I WA-- NO, NO, NO, NO.

I DON'T FLIRT!

OH, CLEARLY. IT WAS TOTES TRAGIQUE.

IT'S MORE OBVIOUS THAT YOU LIKE AMY LOUBALU

THAN NICOLE PATERSON'S HAIR EXTENSIONS. YEAH.

I MEAN, NO.

WAIT.

YOU TWO USED TO BE FRIENDS?

( sighs ) I KNOW. HARD TO BELIEVE.

BACK IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

YOU ARE GETTING MY GOOD SIDE, RIGHT?

WE'RE OVER HERE. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I'M GETTIN' IT.

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

LOOK AT HER AND LOOK AT ME.

LIFE HAPPENED: I.E., I'M POPULAR.

AMY'S POPULAR.

WE'VE GONE OVER THIS, JOSH.

SHE'S "I'M IN A GIRL BAND" POPULAR,

NOT BLOSSOM QUEEN POPULAR.

( spectators reacting )

OH, NO! THE VOLLEYBALL GAME'S OVER! ASHER!

Dylan: ASHER!

HEY, WHERE YOU GUYS GOIN'?

THE MOVIES. IT'S DARK.

AND NO ONE STEALS OUR SNACKS.

VICTORY MEANS...

PIZZA LAND!

TWO LARGE MEAT VOLCANOES, TRIPLE CHEESE!

YOU READY, DYL?

WELL, MARTA MADE ME A PIZZA LAST NIGHT,

SO I CALLED AHEAD AND GOT US ALL RESERVATIONS

TO THE NEW SUSHI PLACE DOWNTOWN!

RAW FISH?

RALPH! ( laughter )

HAVE FUN WITH THAT. I'M OUTTIE WITH MY BOYS!

YEAH! ( teammates agreeing )

I DON'T LIKE FISH EITHER.

I COULD EAT PIZZA EVERY DAY.

WAIT! WAIT, WAIT! NO, NO, NO, NO!

CALL 9-1-1! CALL 9-1-1!

SOMEONE'S STEALING MY CAR!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP! WHAT IS THIS?

SIX UNPAID PARKING TICKETS.

OOPS. SEVEN.

WHEN? YOU MEAN THOSE LITTLE FLYER THINGIES ON MY WINDSHIELD?

THEY AIN'T GREETING CARDS, LADY.

OH, NO.

PLEASE.

PLEASE.

OHHH!

( camera beeps )

( sighs ) YOU SURELY HAVE A CAR, RIGHT?

YEAH.

THIS IS YOURS? AND IT RUNS? ON REAL GAS?

SO SHE'S A LITTLE OLD.

OLD? THIS THING IS, LIKE, PREHISTORIC.

YOU KNOW, SOMEWHERE A CAVEMAN IS MISSING HIS CAR.

HELLO!

( huffs )

Thank you.

( starter motor whirrs )

WHY ARE YOU HIDING?

IT'S CALLED SHAME.

WELL, THEY'RE GONE NOW.

( sighs )

( starter motor whirrs ) ( radio chatter )

OKAY, TURNING ON THE RADIO ISN'T GONNA HELP OUR BATTERY SITUATION.

NEWS. GUH-ROSS.

WHAT? THE NEWS BORES YOU?

EVER HEARD OF POP MUSIC?

WE'RE YOUNG. LIVE A LITTLE.

( pop music playing )

( starter motor whirrs and grinds )

UH-OH.

WHAT-OH?

( hissing )

WHAT'S THAT?

JOSH, THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO MY CAR.

WHAT IS THAT? THAT'S SMOKE.

HOW ARE YOU GONNA FIX IT?

( coughs )

WE'RE GONNA NEED TO FIND A GAS STATION.

"WE"?

FINE. STAY HERE.

THERE IS NO WAY I AM RISKING BEING SEEN

HANGING OUT IN THIS THING!

( door squeaks )

JOSH!

UGH! STUPID PHONE!

WHO ARE YOU SO BUSY TEXTING?

THE GIRLS, TELLING THEM THAT THIS IS

THE W-O-R-S-T WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

YEAH? DITTO.

OW! OHH!

MY ANKLE! I THINK IT'S BROKEN!

PROBABLY JUST TWISTED IT.

WELL, I CAN'T WALK. IT COULD SWELL UP!

YOU KNOW, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A JUNKER CAR,

THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

SORRY WE DON'T ALL HAVE NICE BMWs,

WHICH YOU'D BE DRIVING RIGHT NOW

IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A... DIVA.

WHAT DID YOU CALL ME? NOTHING.

YOU SAID SOMETHING. I HEARD.

FINE.

DIVA! I CALLED YOU A DIVA!

PRECIOUS CARGO HERE, BUDDY,

AND DON'T EVER CALL ME THAT WORD AGAIN!

WHAT, DIVA? D-I-V-A.

WHAT'S THAT SPELL? OH, THAT'S RIGHT! DIVA!

DIVA? I'M A MOVIE STAR. YOU SAID SO YOURSELF!

NO. WHAT YOU ARE IS A SELFISH WHINER.

I'M TALENTED! TAKE THAT BACK, OR I'LL...!

OR WHAT? I'LL FIRE YOU FROM MY MOVIE!

IT'S MY MOVIE! I'M THE DIRECTOR!

IF ANYONE'S FIRED, IT'S YOU, YOU DIVA!

EW! YOU'RE FIRED!

NO, YOU'RE FIRED!

WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I ALWAYS GET THE LAST WORD.

NOPE, NOT TODAY!

WHAT? HOW AM I GONNA GET HOME?

UH, THERE'S THIS THING CALLED THE BUS.

ENJOY THE RIDE.

BUS?

I GOT RID OF THE DRAMA QUEEN.

I'M SURE IT'S NOT TOO LATE

TO CHANGE DOCUMENTARY SUBJECTS...

RIGHT?

I'M AFRAID IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO CHANGE

YOUR DOCUMENTARY SUBJECT.

YOU'LL NEVER GET A NEW FILM DONE IN TIME.

Yeah.

YOU'RE NOT A QUITTER, JOSH. WHAT HAPPENED?

IT'S DYLAN SCHOENFIELD, RIGHT?

SHE'S TOO MUCH OF A CHALLENGE.

SOMETIMES THE TRUTH ISN'T EASY.

UH, IT'S A SHAME TO THINK

WOODLANDS WON'T EVEN HAVE AN OFFICIAL ENTRY

IN THE FILM FESTIVAL THIS YEAR.

NOW, WILL IT?

OKAY, YOU CAN DO THIS.

KNOCK 'EM DEAD. THANKS.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, EVERYBODY,

AND HELLO, FELLOW WOODLANDERS.

DYLAN SCHOENFIELD HERE,

LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW!

ANYWAY, VOTE FOR ME FOR BLOSSOM QUEEN

BECAUSE THIS SCHOOL DESERVES TO BE RULED BY...

SOMETHING SWEET!

WHOO! WHO WANTS CANDY?

EVERYBODY LOVES CHOCOLATE, RIGHT?

IT'S SWEET!

AND IT'S PINK! HA HA HA!

EVERYONE GETS THEIR TURN.

( huffs )

HI, EVERYONE, IT'S ME, NICOLE PATERSON,

YOUR NEXT BLOSSOM QUEEN!

( spectators applaud )

READY? OKAY.

"N" STANDS FOR "NICE."

"I" STANDS FOR "INTEGRITY."

"C" STANDS FOR "COOL."

"O" STANDS FOR "ORIGINAL."

"L" STANDS FOR "LOYAL,"

AND "E" STANDS FOR "EXTREMELY DELICIOUS CUPCAKES"!

GO, WOODLANDS!

( spectators cheer )

VOTE PATERSON!

HA HA HA!

( shrieks ) CUPCAKES FOR EVERYONE!

( giggles ) COME GET YOUR CUPCAKES!

OH, NO, SHE DID NOT.

OH, I GUESS SHE DID.

CAN WE GET A CUPCAKE TOO?

Nicole: VOTE FOR PATERSON! VOTE FOR PATERSON!

DYLAN!

IAN GREENE COMPLIMENTED MY NEW HAIRCUT,

AND THEN HE ASKED ME TO SPRING FORMAL.

AWESOME, RIGHT?

OH, OLIVIA, THAT'S GREAT.

SO I CAN COUNT ON YOUR VOTE?

UH...

( mumbling )

"WHAT" AND "EVER," DYL.

CUPCAKES ARE LAME.

YOU HAVE A MOVIE BEING MADE ABOUT YOU.

YEAH. YOU'RE GONNA BE A STAR.

YEAH. LIKE NICOLE PATERSON CAN COMPETE WITH THAT.

THE SOLDIERS OF ANCIENT GREECE

FOUGHT IN A PHALANX,

LATIN FOR "FINGER."

A PHALANX IS A RECTANGULAR

MASS MILITARY FORMATION,

USUALLY COMPOSED ENTIRELY OF...

HEAVY INFANTRY.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, WE GET IT.

THE SPARTAN HOPLITES,

COMBINED WITH THE NARROW SPACE AT THERMOPYLAE,

MADE FOR A SERIOUSLY NOT-GLAMOROUS BATTLE.

BUT I'VE GOT MY OWN BATTLES!

I'LL NEVER WIN BLOSSOM QUEEN WITHOUT MY MOVIE!

THE PERSUASIVE QUALITIES OF THE PHALANX

WERE ITS RELATIVE SIMPLICITY AND LOW COST,

AS WELL AS BEING A SOURCE OF POLITICAL INFLUENCE.

AS WELL, SOMETIMES WHEN THE PHALANXES

WERE PUSHED AT TOP SPEED, THEY WOULD RAM,

THUS WE LEARN THE TERM "GREASED LIGHTNING."

( weak chuckle )

( indistinct happy chatter )

BELA LUGOSI, FRANK LANGELLA,

GARY OLDMAN, CHRISTOPHER... WALKEN!

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN ALREADY PLAYED THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN

IN SLEEPY HOLLOW. HE WOULD NEVER BE DRACULA.

( as Christopher Walken ) CHRISTOPHER WALKEN!

I'M GONNA SUCK YOUR BLOOD. I'M GONNA DO IT.

I'M GONNA BITE YOU IN THE NECK. IT'S GONNA HURT.

JUST DON'T STAB ME IN THE HEART. IT'S RUDE.

BLAH! BLAH BLAH! STEVEN--!

I'm with him.

CAN I CUT THROUGH THE LINE WITH YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M HERE TO SEE, UH...

FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR.

DUH!

YOU'RE INTO SCI-FI?

WHO DOESN'T LIKE SCIENCE? AND FICTION, TOGETHER?

WOW, IT'S LIKE... SKINNY JEANS AND BALLET FLAPS.

SPEAKING OF... I'M LIKING THE NEW LOOK.

OH, MOVE UP.

THOSE MACAROON COOKIES ARE AWESOME.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.

( indistinct happy chatter )

UM... WHAT'S DYLAN DOING HERE?

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONLY GIRL.

THE FILM SOCIETY HAS AN OPEN POLICY, RIGHT?

RIGHT. IT'S IN OUR BYLAWS.

YOU KNOW, WE DON'T WANT TO BE EXCLUSIONARY,

LIKE THE... POPULARS.

SO, WHAT ARE WE TALKIN' ABOUT?

NOT YOU! I MEAN--

THE MOVIE. WHAT ELSE?

I QUESTION THE NOTION THAT THE PROTAGONIST DIDN'T AGE.

THERE IS NO PLOT IF HE DID GROW OLDER.

IT'S CALLED A MOVIE.

WELL, THEY DIDN'T EXPLAIN THAT IN THE EXPOSITION, DID THEY?

AND WHERE'S YOUR SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF?

( mumbling )

ANYTHING TO ADD, DYLAN?

IT'S CALLED TIME DILATION, PEOPLE.

AS EINSTEIN THEORIZED IN THE TWIN PARADOX,

THE PASSAGE OF TIME IS LINKED TO THE SPEED OF THE OBSERVER,

MEANING THAT TRAVELING TO AND FROM THE PLANET PHAELON

250 TIMES THE SPEED OF LIGHT WOULD VIRTUALLY SUSPEND AGING. DUH!

SO, I'VE DISCOVERED THAT THERE IS SUCH A THING AS A BUS.

I'VE BEEN TAKING IT EVERYWHERE LATELY. IT'S GREEN.

OKAY, SO, MY DAD GROUNDED THE "DYL-ISH MOBILE"

UNTIL I CAN PAY OFF MY PARKING TICKETS.

IT'S ALL GOOD. I'M PARKED DOWN HERE.

SO, WHAT'S WITH THE SECRET SMARTS?

EXACTLY. THEY'RE SECRET. NOW, LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY.

YEAH. HEAVEN FORBID ANYONE THOUGHT YOU HAD A BRAIN

IN THAT PRETTY LITTLE HEAD OF YOURS.

ONLY NERDS GET "A's."

YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?

SURE. DOESN'T EVERYONE?

ABSOLUMENT. OKAY, SO, LOOK:

I WAS THINKING I COULD NICELY UN-FIRE YOU FROM MY MOVIE.

REALLY?

YOU MEAN I COULD NICELY

REHIRE YOU FOR MY MOVIE.

WORD ON THE STREET IS THAT YOU HAD TO DROP OUT OF THE FILM FESTIVAL

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A FILM ANYMORE.

I'M GUESSING YOU WANT TO WIN THAT

JUST AS BAD AS I WANT TO WIN BLOSSOM QUEEN.

FAIR ENOUGH. BUT UNDER ONE CONDITION:

NO MORE-- NO MORE DIVA.

WHAT? I WAS NEVER A DIVA.

BUS STOP IS THAT WAY.

FINE.

DEAL.

PART TWO.

DEAL. PART TWO.

SO, IS YOUR CAR GONNA START THIS TIME, OR...?

THE FUN IS IN THE MYSTERY.

COME ON.

MM-KAY.

( Josh sighs )

AH, HOME SWEET...

WOW.

IT'S BIG.

REAL INVITING, RIGHT?

IS YOUR DAD AT WORK? YEAH.

WHERE'S YOUR MOM?

UH, SHE PASSED AWAY.

I WAS 8.

I... HAD NO...

I'M SORRY.

IT'S OKAY.

SO, YOU WANT TO COME IN, HANG FOR A BIT?

SURE.

OKAY, SO, WHAT DOES YOUR DAD DO?

HE OWNS A BUNCH OF REAL ESTATE AROUND TOWN,

SO HE'S EITHER ALWAYS WORKING OR HANGING WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.

YEAH. MY DAD LIVES IN SAN DIEGO.

GUESS WE BOTH ONLY HAVE ONE PARENT.

COME ON, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SHARE WITH YOU

IS A HIGHLY TOP-SECRET RECIPE:

THE EVERYTHING-BUT- THE-KITCHEN-SINK SUNDAE.

YEAH, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE.

DUH! WHAT DO YOU THINK "TOP SECRET" MEANS?

AND THAT SECRET

IS YOU FIND EVERY SUGARY, GOOEY SUBSTANCE

YOU COULD POSSIBLY FIND IN THE KITCHEN

AND MIX IT ALL TOGETHER.

WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

WELCOME TO THE EVERYTHING- BUT-THE-KITCHEN-SINK SUNDAE!

YOU WANNA GET YOUR ICE CREAM IN THERE.

YOU WANT A VARIETY OF ICE CREAM.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S ENOUGH ICE CREAM?

GUMMI BEARS!

I LOVE GUMMI BEARS. YOU LIKE GUMMI BEARS?

SPRINKLES!

OOH!

WORMS!

GROSS!

OOOHHH!

GUMMI BEARS AND CHOCOLATE CHIPS TOGETHER-- MWAH!

WHAT YOU GON' DO?

WHAT YOU GON' DO ABOUT IT?

* WHAT YOU GON' DO ABOUT THAT? *

OHHHH!

DYL-ISH!

SO, WHAT'S THE 4-1-1 ON YOUR AMY CRUSH?

ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE CRUSHING ON HER.

WHERE'S THE PEANUT BUTTER?

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK THAT NERDS DATED.

GEEKS. OKAY, AND WE ARE PEOPLE TOO, DYLAN.

SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PERSONAL 4-1-1s,

WHAT'S WITH YOU AND ASHER?

WHAT ABOUT US? WELL, HE'S KIND OF AN IDIOT.

GEE, I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU YOUR OPINION.

HEY, YOU STARTED IT,

TALKING ABOUT ME AND MY LOVE LIFE.

EXACTLY. "LOVE LIFE" IMPLIES THAT YOU'RE DATING,

WHICH YOU ARE NOT.

( gasps ) I KNOW WHAT MY MOVIE NEEDS: A MAKEOVER.

NO. PLEASE, NO MORE SHOPPING FOOTAGE.

NOT FOR ME, FOR YOU.

HERE. I CAN GET SOME "BEFORE" FOOTAGE OF MY WORK.

I'M NOT ONE OF YOUR FASHION VICTIM CHARITIES,

OKAY, DYL?

I LIKE THE WAY I AM.

YOU WOULD.

MORE WHIPPED CREAM?

SNOOP MUCH?

IS THIS YOUR MOM?

( sighs ) YEAH.

SHE MET MY DAD AT THE WOODLANDS SPRING FORMAL.

CRAZY, HUH?

WAIT. WAS YOUR MOM BLOSSOM QUEEN?

BACK IN THE OLDEN DAYS.

1985.

WOW.

BET YOU MISS HER.

LOTS.

THIS HOUSE GETS KIND OF LONELY WITH JUST ME AND MY DAD.

SO WHEN YOU SAID THERE WAS NOTHING MORE TO LIFE

THAN WINNING BLOSSOM QUEEN...

( sighs ) YEAH.

GUESS MY MOM...

IF I WIN, IT'S LIKE WE'RE STILL CONNECTED...

LIKE SHE'S STILL WITH ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL DO IT.

I'LL DO THE MAKEOVER.

REALLY? YEAH.

( giggles ) LET'S START WITH THIS.

OH, YAY! I'M SO EXCITED!

* I'LL BE THE ONE THAT'S STORMING THE CASTLE *

* WE'LL BE THE TWO WITH HEARTS BEATING FASTER *

* 'EVER YOU WANT, 'EVER YOU WANT *

* I'M DOWN

* I'LL BE THE ONE THAT MAKES YOU ADORE ME *

* WE'LL BE THE TWO

* TO END THE STORY

* ONE THAT I WANT, ONE THAT I WANT *

* I FOUND

* BABY, IT'S YOUR KISS *

* HEY, PRINCESS

* HEY, PRINCESS

OOH, OUI! OOH-LA-LA!

FEET HIGHER. CHIN UP.

MAKE SURE YOUR ELBOWS MOVE WITH THE ROPE.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

OKAY, LET'S GO, LET'S GO, COME ON!

I'M NOT USED TO SWEATING!

YEAH, IT SHOWS, BUT GIRLS LIKE A SPORTY GUY!

I DON'T THINK JUMP-ROPING IS MY THING.

OHH!

UP.

UP!

OOH! SERGE SANCHEZ' NEW COLOGNE, MANPOWER.

MANPOWER?

AUM.

AUM.

* HEY, PRINCESS

( camera beeps )

TURN HIM AROUND. I WANT TO SEE THE FRONT.

OHH! FANTASTIQUE!

HEY, TURN IT OFF.

I'M THE ONLY DOCUMENTARIAN HERE.

NOW SHOW HIM!

RIDICULOUS.

WAIT, IS THAT A COMPLIMENT?

JOSH, UPLOAD ON THE LINGO ALREADY.

THANK YOU. IT LOOKS FANTASTIC.

MM-HMM.

NOW, GO SEE THE FINISHED LOOK.

OH, W-WAIT.

SEE? IT'S NOT SO HIGH-MAINTENANCE TO WANT TO LOOK NICE.

AND NOW, FOR THE FINISHING TOUCH.

WHAT?

A SECOND PAIR OF SHOES, SINCE I RUINED THE FIRST.

REALLY?

AWESOME. THANK YOU, DYLAN.

WE'LL TELL MY DAD IT'S BEAUTY BUDGET FOR THE MOVIE.

( cell phone rings )

MY MOM.

SHE WANTS ME TO PICK UP NAAN BREAD ON MY WAY HOME.

I LOVE INDIAN FOOD.

I HAVE TO GO TO DINNER WITH MY DAD AND HIS STUPID GIRLFRIEND.

THANKS.

WELL, YOU CAN COME OVER IF YOU WANT.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

I KNOW, BUT... YOU'RE WELCOME TO.

OKAY.

WHAT'S THE HOLDUP?

THANK YOU.

AFTER YOU. OH, THANK YOU.

SO, THIS IS IT, HOME SWEET HOME.

HEY, YOU GET TO MEET MOUSE TODAY.

WHO'S MOUSE?

HEY, BUDDY! OHH! OHH! OHH!

OHH! OHH!

( laughter )

OH!

OH, JOSH, NEW HAIR-- OH, MY GOSH, A GIRL!

HI!

HI!

THE FIRST JOSH HAS BROUGHT HOME.

I NEED TO GET MY CAMERA.

NO, YOU DON'T.

I BRING GIRLS HOME.

TONS.

OH, WAIT, YOU'RE--?

DYLAN SCHOENFIELD.

HI!

HI.

( bell dings ) OH, MY SAMOSAS.

HEY, MOM, I'M GONNA GO GIVE DYLAN THE TOUR.

OKAY. NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU TOO. OKAY!

Mom!

( muttering )

( laughter )

DELISH! THIS IS THE BEST INDIAN FOOD EVER.

REALLY? MM-HMM.

THANK YOU.

WAY TO PLAY MY MOM, DYL.

NO, NOT AT ALL.

THESE SAMOSAS ARE TRèS BON, MRS. ROSEN.

OH, PLEASE, IT'S SANDY.

I STOPPED BEING MRS. ROSEN TWO YEARS AGO.

SO, ARE YOU TWO DATING NOW?

UH, NO! I DIDN'T SAY--

I'LL HELP.

UH, JOSH, WILL YOU TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE?

YEAH.

JOSH AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS, SANDY.

OH. OH, I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE 'CAUSE HE BROUGHT YOU HERE TO MEET ME,

I THOUGHT MAYBE SOMETHING ELSE WAS GOIN' ON.

NO, I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND,

AND JOSH LIKES SOMEONE ELSE, SO... I DON'T KNOW.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, THOUGH. JOSH IS TOTES AWESOME.

WELL, I THINK SO TOO.

MOUSE!

CHOW TIME!

( thud ) Josh: UNH...!

WERE YOU SPYING ON US?

WHAT? NO! GIRL TALK? GROSS!

GIVE ME THE TOWEL. I'LL DRY.

OHH! WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

WAS THAT GUH-ROSS?

( playful shouting )

( playful shrieking )

( indistinct playful shouting )

( laughter and shrieking )

OF COURSE BORING OLD WALKING WOULD TURN OUT TO BE YOUR THING.

WHAT? IT'S GREEN TO WALK TO SCHOOL.

YOU SURE THIS ISN'T TOO MUCH?

C'EST MAGNIFIQUE.

MEANS "GOOD."

OKAY.

OH, W-W-W-W-WAIT!

OH. PERFECTION. NOW GO.

Okay.

( school bell rings )

( indistinct chatter )

HEY, JOSH. HEY.

NEW CLOTHES?

YEAH. I, UH, DID MY LAUNDRY.

DONE LAUNDRY'S A GOOD LOOK FOR YOU.

JOSH, RIGHT?

DIGGIN' THE VIBE.

JOSH.

SEE YOU IN A.P. ENGLISH.

WHAT?

SO...

IT'S KIND OF NICE, HAVING GIRLS TALK TO ME

FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN HELP ON THEIR HOMEWORK.

YEAH.

WONTON WEDNESDAYS.

THE MATHLETE SCAVENGER HUNT IS ON SATURDAY.

OUTSTANDING. I'M IN. JOSH?

UM... JOSH.

NICE HAIRCUT.

THAT'S IT. JOSH, YOU'VE BEEN MORE M.I.A.

THAN THE FINAL DIGIT OF PI.

THEN YOU SHOW UP WITH A FAKEOVER. WHAT'S GOING ON?

RELAX, GUYS. IT'S JUST A NEW HAIRCUT AND SOME NEW SHOES.

DYLAN THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN FOR THE DOCUMENTARY.

WHEN DID THE DOCUMENTARY GET FUN?

ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE A HEART-HITTING EXPOSé ON THE POPULARS?

IT WILL BE. IT JUST DYLAN TURNED OUT

TO BE MORE INTERESTING THAN I THOUGHT.

LOSING FOCUS, MY FRIEND. FIRST AMY LOUBALU, AND NOW DYLAN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? GIRLS YOU HAVE CRUSHES ON...

WHO ARE NEVER, EVER GONNA DATE YOU.

OKAY, I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON DYLAN!

PLEASE! "WHAT" AND "EVER"!

JOSH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON!

WE'RE ON FOR SATURDAY.

MM-KAY? IT'S GONNA BE RIDICULOUS.

LATES.

"RIDICULOUS." "LATES."

IT'S LIKE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.

DIRECTED BY PHILLIP KAUFMAN.

IT LOOKS LIKE JOSH,

BUT IT ACTS LIKE IT'S MORPHED INTO A POPULAR.

( giggling )

WOW, JOSH, YOU'RE, LIKE--

A-DORK-ABLE!

MY HANDIWORK, NATURELLEMENT.

UM, AMY'S SITTING OVER THERE,

AND IF YOU'RE SO DETERMINED TO ASK HER OUT,

YOU'D BETTER DO IT NOW.

I'LL SAVE YOU A SEAT.

YEAH?

OKAY. GO! HERE.

SO THIS... IS WHAT YOU DID ALL WEEKEND WITHOUT US?

JOSH'S MAKEOVER?

NO, WE WERE FILMING TOO, BUT... WHAT-EVS.

YOU CAN MAKE HIM OVER ALL YOU WANT...

...BUT HE'S STILL COUNT DORKULA.

WE'RE JUST SAYING. YOU BETTER WATCH IT OR...

OR WHAT? JUST OR.

( sighs ) OKAY, LOOK,

JOSH IS STRICTLY A BRO-FRIEND.

I FIGURED IF HE'S GONNA HANG AROUND US,

THEN HE MIGHT AS WELL LOOK THE PART.

THANKS.

WHEN'S THIS STUPID DORK-UMENTARY OVER, ANYWAY?

YOU MISSED MY GAME.

I HAD TO GET MY OWN WATER!

SPRING FORMAL IS TWO WEEKS AWAY,

AND ONCE I'M BLOSSOM QUEEN,

EVERYTHING WILL GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS.

SWEARS.

( indistinct happy chatter )

( soft laughter )

MY BAND, BLUE TANGERINE, IS PLAYING A FREE SHOW.

BRING A FRIEND?

ACTUALLY, I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU.

ASK ME TO GO TO MY OWN SHOW? NO.

I WAS GONNA ASK YOU ON A DATE.

REALLY?

HOW'S SATURDAY? IT'S MY DAY OFF.

SOUNDS GREAT.

GREAT.

COOL.

( soft laughter )

JOSH ROSEN.

I'M ALAN SCHOENFIELD.

I JUST WANTED TO MEET THE YOUNG MAN

MY DAUGHTER'S BEEN SPENDING ALL OF HER TIME WITH.

OH, AND, UH...

I'VE NEVER REALLY APPROVED OF THAT ASHER KID.

I MEAN, ASHER? WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS ASHER?

ACTUALLY, SIR, DYLAN AND ASHER ARE STILL--

I LIKE THAT YOU HAVE A JOB, IN MY MALL--

WHAT TIME DO YOU GET OFF WORK?

CONSIDERING IT IS YOUR MALL, SIR...

WHENEVER YOU SAY.

DO YOU HAVE DINNER PLANS? NO, SIR.

YOU DO NOW.

Ho-kay.

THANKS FOR THE RIDE. NO PROB!

THAT OUTFIT... IS GONNA LOOK SO CUTE.

I'M SO TOTALLY JEALOUS.

OH, THANKS. AU REVOIR!

'BYE!

What--?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE.

NO? IT'S A CLASSIC.

NOW, WHAT'S WITH THE RINGS OF FIRE?

THEY WERE CREATED BY USING TWO CIRCULAR NEON TUBES,

AND THEY WERE MOVED UP AND DOWN USING ELEVATOR MECHANICS.

FRITZ LANG WAS MOST INTERESTED

IN EXPLORING THE INTERSECTION BETWEEN MAGIC AND TECHNOLOGY.

SHOULD I BE TAKING NOTES? YES. ( chuckles )

IT'S LIKE I ENTERED AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.

OH, NO, WAIT. WORSE.

AN ALTERNATIVE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.

HEY, THERE, PUMPKIN.

SINCE YOU MISSED DINNER WITH AMBER AND ME THE OTHER NIGHT,

I FIGURED IT WAS TIME TO MEET THIS NEW BOYFRIEND OF YOURS.

OH, AND WE GOT YOU A TURKEY CHEDDAR.

DAD! WHAT? IT'S YOUR FAVORITE.

JOSH IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. D'ACCORD?

I TRIED TO TELL HIM THAT, DYL.

WHAT IS IT WITH PARENTS?

WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. HE'S MAKING MY MOVIE.

MY MOVIE.

AND ACTUALLY, SIR, YOUR DAUGHTER HELPED ME

LAND A DATE FOR THIS SATURDAY.

OH, REALLY?

Josh: YEAH.

( soft belch )

OHH! GUH-ROSS, DAD.

THAT WAS BARELY A BURP. OH, YEAH? WAS THAT A CHALLENGE?

ALL RIGHT.

( belches )

MEN. SO JUVENILE.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS. EW! OF WHAT?

'CAUSE YOU CAN'T LET LOOSE.

I'VE ACTUALLY HEARD DYLAN BURP, A LOT.

DAD, MUTE BUTTON, PLEASE.

IN FACT, SHE USED TO LIKE TO TRY TO OUT-BURP ME,

SO WE'D HAVE THESE CONTESTS.

NO WAY. UH-HUH. THAT'S CLASSIC!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU, DAD.

YEAH, I CAN BARELY BELIEVE IT MYSELF.

PROVE IT? OKAY. FINE.

YOU BOTH WANT TO HEAR WHAT A BURP REALLY SOUNDS LIKE?

PLEASE.

OKAY.

( camera beeps )

HERE WE GO.

( belches )

AH! BRAVO!

OH, THE MASTER HAS SPOKEN.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK.

( laughing )

SO, YOUR DAD IS REALLY COOL.

I KNEW YOU TWO WOULD GET ALONG.

YOU BOTH LIKE THOSE OLD, BLACK-AND-WHITE MOVIES.

MM. CLASSICS.

OHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE GAVE ME THE KEYS BACK

TO MY DYL-ISH MOBILE.

MAYBE HE SHOULD THINK YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND MORE OFTEN.

MAYBE HE SHOULD.

UH. SO... UM...

YOU ARE, LIKE, TOTALLY ERASING THAT FOOTAGE OF ME BURPING TONIGHT.

WHY? IT'S THE REAL YOU.

REAL IS OVERRATED.

I THINK I LIKE THE REAL DYLAN MORE THAN THE COVER STORY.

"WHAT" AND "EVER"! ( chuckles )

SO, AMY-- WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HER THIS WEEKEND?

UH... HAVEN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT YET.

DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?

OKAY, SO, ASHER'S HAVING A PARTY THIS WEEKEND.

I CAN GET YOU ON THE INVITE LIST. DONE.

I'M... NOT SURE THAT'S MY THING.

I KNOW WHAT GIRLS LIKE, REMEMBER?

YEAH.

'BYE.

LATER.

SOME GREAT STUFF HERE, JOSH.

HOW'S EDITING?

UH... I'VE JUST BEEN CRAMMED LATELY.

BETWEEN SHOPPING WITH DYLAN ON SATURDAY,

AND SHE CAME OVER TO MY PLACE FOR DINNER THE OTHER NIGHT...

I'LL GET TO IT. I SWEAR.

RIGHT. WELL...

THE FILM FESTIVAL BOARD NEEDS TO APPROVE THE ROUGH CUT

TWO DAYS BEFORE THE FESTIVAL.

I'M ON TOP OF IT, MR. F.

I KNOW WHAT MOVIE I WANT TO MAKE.

GOOD.

( knock on door )

Choir: * AAAHHH

HI.

OH, HERE. LISTEN TO THIS.

OKAY.

IT'S BLUE TANGERINE'S NEW DEMO.

( hard rock music playing )

IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE.

I... COULD GET USED TO IT.

SO...

( giggles )

SHALL WE GO?

OH! OF COURSE. YES. RIGHT. SORRY.

AFTER YOU.

( soft chuckle )

SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR TODAY?

I WAS THINKIN', IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK ON A FIRST DATE,

UH, TAKE YOU HOME, MEET MY MOM.

OH.

SHE'S TAKING GREAT COOKING CLASSES.

SHE'S MAKING LAMB KABOBS FOR LUNCH.

AND I'M SURE THEY'RE DELISH,

IT'S JUST THAT... I'M A VEGETARIAN.

RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

AH, NO, IT'S OKAY.

UM... EXCEPT WHEN YOU'RE CRAVIN' A BURGER.

HOW 'BOUT A MOVIE? TWO HOURS IN THE DARK, ON A DAY LIKE THIS?

OKAY, UH...

HOW 'BOUT A PARTY? ASHER DUMETZ' PLACE?

YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH THE VOLLEYBALL DUDES?

NO. NOT AT ALL.

I'M GLAD WE CLEARED THAT UP, 'CAUSE, I DON'T KNOW,

I DON'T USUALLY ROLL WITH THAT CROWD.

PERFECT. BUT IT SHOULD BE FUN FOR A LAUGH.

YEAH? YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

One sec. ( door squeaks )

THANK YOU.

REALLY?

( distant laughter )

( music playing )

* YEAH, EVERYBODY, COME ON *

* GET YOUR HANDS UP

* HANDS UP, SHAKE IT UP, YEAH *

( music continuing )

OH, WOW.

* LET ME SEE YOU MOVIN' NOW *

* GET YOUR HANDS UP, HANDS UP *

( indistinct happy chatter )

* IN THE CLUB NOW-- SHAKE IT UP, MAMA *

* LET ME SEE YOU MOVIN' NOW *

( music continuing )

( music continuing )

( laughter )

Boy: ATOMIC DROP!

( music continuing )

WANNA DANCE?

WANNA DANCE? WHAT?

WANNA DANCE?

I'M BUSY. MAYBE LATER.

* GET YOUR HANDS UP, HANDS UP *

* SHAKE IT UP, YEAH

* WE GONNA PARTY NOW...

( music continuing )

YOU'RE LATE!

WAIT-- YOU INVITED US?

I KNEW JOSH WOULD HAVE NOWHERE HIP TO TAKE YOU, SO, YES.

YOU CAN HANG OUT WITH ASHER AND ME.

I THINK I'D... RATHER DANCE.

* MAMA, LET ME SEE YOU MOVIN' NOW *

* YEAH

* YEAH, YEAH

* YEAH

* YEAH, YEAH

* YOU KEEP KNOCKIN' ME OUT *

* BEAUTY QUEEN WITH THE TITLE... *

DANCING ISN'T REALLY MY THING.

JUST GO.

* YOU MAKE ME THINK I'M ON A CRUISE *

* 'CAUSE I LOVE THE WAY YOU ROCK THE BOAT *

* I TAKE NOTE ON HOW YOU BREAKIN' IT DOWN *

* SHAKE IT UP, YEAH

* WE GONNA PARTY NOW

* GET IT, GET IT MOVIN', YEAH *

* WE GONNA HOLLA' NOW

* IN THE CLUB NOW

* SHAKE IT UP, MAMA

* LET ME SEE YOU MOVIN' NOW *

( music continuing )

SHOW-OFF.

I'M HAPPY TO SEE JOSH,

BUT... I KIND OF WISH HE WAS ON HIS OWN

SO WE COULD HANG OUT MORE.

WEIRD, RIGHT?

( music continuing )

UGH!

OKAY, I'LL STOP TORTURING YOU.

( music continuing )

WE GOT DATES FOR THE SPRING FORMAL.

WITH THE TWINS.

THEY'RE MATCHING! I'M WITH JAY.

AND I'M WITH DANNY.

EXCELLENT, LADIES. WE CAN TRIPLE-DATE, WITH ASHER AND ME.

ANYONE THIRSTY? * IN THE CLUB, NOW

* SHAKE IT UP, MAMA, LET ME SEE YOU MOVIN' NOW *

* GET YOUR HANDS UP, HANDS UP *

( music continuing )

WHATCHA LOOKIN' FOR?

LEMONADE.

OOPS.

TOOK THE LAST ONE.

GET USED TO THAT LOSER FEELING.

( music continuing )

( both laughing )

Amy: SO, I WAS DOING MY GUITAR SOLO,

AND THEN AN ELEPHANT JOINED IN ON THE DRUMS.

WOW. THAT'S AWESOME.

GO CHECK ON HER.

W-WHAT?

SORRY. IT'S JUST--

IT'S FINE.

ARE YOU SURE?

MM-HMM.

I'M GONNA GO SEE IF THE DEEJAY WILL LET ME SPIN A FEW.

OKAY.

HEY.

WHY ARE YOU BY YOURSELF?

OH, I WAS JUST TAKING A BREATHER. WHERE'S AMY?

OKAY, WHAT'S YOUR DEAL WITH HER, ANYWAY?

KIND OF DITCHED HER IN THE SIXTH GRADE.

WHY? AMY'S GREAT.

AMYGREAT.

I WAS AFRAID OF ALWAYS LIVING IN HER SHADOW.

YOU?

SO I GUESS NO THREAT OF THAT WITH HANNAH AND LOLA.

ANYWAY, AMY IS DOWNSTAIRS CHECKING OUT MUSIC.

UH-OH.

WHAT-OH?

THAT MEANS SHE'S B-O-R-E-D BORED.

SERIOUSLY? WHAT SHOULD I DO?

BE ROMANTIC, DORK. HOLD HER HAND.

WHAT, DO I JUST GRAB IT, OR...?

LIKE THIS.

THEN WHAT?

WHEN SHE TALKS TO YOU, YOU WANT TO LEAN IN,

LIKE THIS.

HELLO!

( Dylan and Josh stammering )

DYLAN HAD SOMETHING IN HER CONTACT.

YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

NO, DON'T BE SILLY. CONTACTS?

I HAVE TOTES PERFECT VISION. JOSH WAS JUST--

JUST LEAVING!

I MEAN, WHO INVITED HIM, ANYWAY?

ASHER, WAIT! NOTHING WAS HAPPENING!

ASHER!

Dylan: ASHER. ASHER.

EXCUSE ME. SORRY. ASHER! ASHER, WAIT!

CALL YOU LATER, ASH.

W-WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, NOTHING. I'M JUST TRèS FATIGUé.

BUT YOU NEVER LEAVE PARTIES EARLY.

WELL, I AM NOW, OKAY?

( dance music playing )

LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON WITH DYLAN, OKAY?

I BELIEVE YOU.

UM...

WOULD... YOU WANT TO GO TO THE SPRING FORMAL WITH ME?

THANKS, JOSH, BUT NO.

WHY NOT?

LOOK, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SECRETLY DATING DYLAN,

BUT I THINK YOU WANT TO.

WHAT?

OKAY, N-O SPELLS "NO."

NEVER.

YOU EVEN SOUND LIKE HER.

I'M SORRY.

Yeah.

NOW, BACK AWAY. GO 'WAY.

AND... LOOK!

AND I'M FREE!

AT THE BEACH! ( laughing )

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO, NO, NO!

NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

THERE YOU GO.

VOTE FOR PATERSON.

HI, GUYS. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!

VOTE FOR PATERSON.

HERE YOU GO.

HELLO. VOTE FOR PATERSON.

OH, HERE YOU GO. YOU HAVE TO VOTE, OKAY?

DYLAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HANNAH... AND LOLA.

DUH! I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE.

WHAT'S WITH THE FIRE HYDRANT?

OH.

I-I WAS JUST CHECKING IT.

YOU KNOW-- SAFETY FIRST.

WE DON'T HAVE FRENCH CLASS UNTIL AFTER LUNCH.

YEAH.

I WAS, UH, I WAS JUST GONNA STUDY FOR THE POP QUIZ.

WE HAVE A POP QUIZ IN FRENCH?

YOU NEVER KNOW, RIGHT?

HIGH, PRINCIPAL GUTHRIE!

THE PRESSURES OF BLOSSOM QUEEN...!

IT'S MADE HER TOTALLY SNAP.

( class bell rings )

LOOK, I KNOW THE ROUGH CUT DEADLINE IS TOMORROW,

BUT IS THERE ANY CHANCE I CAN GET AN EXTENSION?

I'D LIKE TO, BUT YOU KNOW I CAN'T, JOSH.

AS CHAIR OF THE FILM COMMITTEE,

IT WOULD LOOK LIKE I'M PLAYING FAVORITES.

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON?

HONESTLY?

I NEED HELP FINISHING THE FILM.

JOSH, JUST TELL THE TRUTH.

THEN YOUR ARTISTIC VISION WILL SHINE THROUGH.

ARTISTIC VISION. GOT IT.

LISTEN.

I'LL TALK TO THE FILM FESTIVAL BOARD.

IF YOU CAN EDIT SOMETHING BY TOMORROW MORNING,

I'LL GET THEM TO SAVE YOUR SLOT.

BUT I'M AFRAID YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN YOURSELF ENOUGH TIME

TO MAKE SOMETHING WORTHY OF FIRST PLACE.

He's right.

THE POST-REPUBLICAN PERIOD

OF THE ANCIENT ROMAN CIVILIZATION

WAS CHARACTERIZED BY AN AUTOCRATIC GOVERNMENT.

AN AUTOCRATIC FORM OF GOVERNMENT.

IN THE LATE THIRD CENTURY A.D.,

DIOCLETIAN ESTABLISHED THE PRACTICE...

HERE. LETTER FROM ASHER.

WHAT DOES IT SAY?

OH, YOU KNOW, THE USUAL.

HE ADORES ME. ETCETERA, ETCETERA.

UM, ACTUALLY, IT SAYS HE'S BREAKING UP WITH YOU--

LIKE, NOW.

WHAT?!

Teacher: ...WAS FORCED TO ABDICATE.

YOU WEAR GLASSES?!

Teacher: THIS WILL ALL BE ON THE MIDTERM.

( indistinct comment )

ASHER!

ASHER! ASHER, ST--!

DUDE!

HA HA HA! ASHER! WHAT?

YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME, IN A NOTE?

WHAT ABOUT SPRING FORMAL?

MAYBE JOSH CAN TAKE YOU! HOO-AHH!

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

YOU'VE CHANGED.

YOU HANG WITH NERDS NOW. YOU'RE EVEN DRESSING LIKE ONE.

NO! LOOK, LOOK, SEE? I'M THE SAME OLD DYLAN.

HEY, I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT.

LATES.

( indistinct comments and snickering )

HEY. HEY. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

GREAT. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU TOO. LET'S EAT OUTSIDE.

NO, THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

I-I CAN'T HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU TODAY,

OR ANY DAY UNTIL AFTER THE FILM FESTIVAL.

WHAT?

I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE MOVIE YET, OKAY?

AND I'VE GOT TO STAY FOCUSED,

AND I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO WIN THAT FILM PRIZE.

AND I REALLY WANT TO WIN BLOSSOM QUEEN,

SO YOU'D BETTER NOT MESS THIS UP, GEEK, OR I'LL--

OR WHAT? YOU GONNA BAN ME FROM THE RAMP?

YOUR SEAT'S ALREADY BEEN TAKEN.

( no audible dialogue )

THE MUMMY, ORIGINAL OR REMAKE?

ORIGINAL DIRECTED BY KARL FREUND,

REMAKE DIRECTED BY STEPHEN SOMMERS.

I WOULD SAY ORIGINAL.

REMAKE. WELL. LOOK WHO DEIGNED TO JOIN US.

WELL, AS PRESIDENT OF THE FILM CLUB, I...

NOT ANYMORE.

WHAT?!

IT'S JUST YOU'VE BEEN SO BUSY

GOING TO PARTIES WITH POPULARS LATELY...

INSTEAD OF COMING TO THE MATHLETES SCAVENGER HUNT.

GUYS, I AM SO SORRY. OKAY, I COMPLETELY FORGOT.

OKAY. WE...

DECIDED TO REELECT

A NEW FILM CLUB SOCIETY PRESIDENT IN YOUR ABSENCE.

WHAT? WHO?

ME! REALLY?

WHY DON'T YOU GO CRY ON YOUR NEW BFF's SHOULDER?

I HEARD DYLAN AND ASHER ARE D-O-N-E DONE.

HE DUMPED HER.

( shrieking )

( laughing )

Sandy: DARE I ASK?

HOW'S IT GOIN'?

MY FRIENDS EXPECT ONE THING,

AND DYLAN EXPECTS ANOTHER.

MR. FARLEY WANTS ME TO TELL THE TRUTH.

THAT'S GOOD ADVICE.

HEY, MOM, DO YOU THINK IT'S OKAY IF MY ARTISTIC VISION HAS CHANGED?

WELL... YEAH.

I THINK IT'S OKAY IF YOUR FEELINGS HAVE CHANGED.

I MEAN, YOUR FILM SHOULD BE ABOUT

THE DYLAN THAT YOU'VE COME TO KNOW.

GOOD NIGHT.

'NIGHT.

HEY, DON'T STAY UP TOO LATE, OKAY? YEAH.

STOP IT.

TESTING, 1-2-3.

I LOVE IT! ( laughter )

IT FEELS LIKE A CUPCAKE.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ONE?

OH, IT'S SO CUTE. I LOVE THE SPARKLES.

DO YOU LIKE MY GLOVE? OH, I LOVE THOSE.

DYLAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THIS IS MY FAVORITE BOUTIQUE.

I'M ALWAYS HERE.

YOU'RE SHOPPING FOR SPRING FORMAL WITHOUT ME?

WELL, YOU'RE FOREVER OFF SHOPPING WITH JOSH THESE DAYS.

BESIDES, WE HAVE DATES FOR THE DANCE, AND...

YOU DON'T ANYMORE.

LOLA.

YES, GET THAT DRESS. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.

J'ADORE.

MARTA, I'M HOME!

HEY, SWEETIE. NO PLANS WITH JOSH TONIGHT?

I THINK JOSH AND ME ARE IN A FIGHT. OVER THE MOVIE?

I'M STARTING TO WONDER IF IT WAS

SUCH A STELLAR IDEA AFTER ALL.

TELL YOU WHAT:

WHY DON'T WE HAVE DINNER, JUST THE TWO OF US?

I'M SUPPOSED TO SEE AMBER, BUT I CAN QUICKLY

GIVE HER A CALL AND CANCEL.

WE'LL ORDER IN.

I SUPPOSE YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN JOIN US.

JUST ONCE.

REALLY?

YOU... ARE THE BEST.

( chuckles softly ) I KNOW.

SO I'VE NOTICED THAT YOU HAVE SOME...

( continues indistinctly )

( laughter and happy chatter )

THAT'D BE AWESOME.

SO, MAYBE AMBER'S NOT MY MOM, BUT...

SHE'S NOT SO BAD EITHER.

AND IT CONVINCED ME TO HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE FAITH IN JOSH.

THE MOVIE WILL BE FINE...

( "Ride of the Valkyries" playing on movie soundtrack )

AS THEY SAY IN SHOW BUSINESS, BREAK A LEG.

WAIT. YOU GUYS STILL MAD?

NAH. GEEKS STICK TOGETHER.

( mouths "hi" )

( applause )

RIGHT. WELL, THANK YOU,

JOSIE BELLE BRUNO FOR THAT FASCINATING FILM

ABOUT YOUR PET HAMSTER.

( applause )

I CERTAINLY DIDN'T KNOW THAT THEY WERE THAT VICIOUS.

( polite laughter )

RIGHT. WELL, I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO THANK ALL THE PARTICIPANTS IN THE FESTIVAL.

THANK YOU.

WELL, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE

TO INTRODUCE WOODLANDS ACADEMY'S OFFICIAL SUBMISSION,

JOSH ROSEN AND HIS DOCUMENTARY CALLED

THE POPULARITY PROJECT.

( applause )

POPULARITY.

WHAT IS IT?

ACCORDING TO DYLAN SCHOENFIELD,

ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR GIRLS AT WOODLANDS ACADEMY,

IT'S A LOT OF THINGS.

Dylan: BEING POPULAR IS SO NOT EASY.

WE'RE IN THE MOVIE!

...ROYALTY OR THE FIRST LADY.

YOU HAVE TO LIVE UP TO IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS OF BEAUTY,

AND YOU'RE EXPECTED TO BE A GOOD INFLUENCE.

LIKE, I HELP OUT THE LESS FORTUNATE:

FASHION VICTIMS.

( laughter )

POPULARITY'S CONTAGIOUS.

WHAT, LIKE A COLD?

DUH! IT'S WHY HANNAH AND LOLA BATTLE

TO BE MY BETTER FRIEND.

THEIR POPULARITY COMES FROM MINE.

( laughter )

Josh: WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS AFTER SCHOOL?

PILATES. BUT NOT ON TUESDAYS. THAT'S YOGA.

( laughter )

Josh: WHEN YOU GRADUATE?

HOPES. DREAMS. WHAT'S YOUR LIFE GOAL?

BLOSSOM QUEEN.

( laughter )

AFTER THAT.

AFTER?

IF I DON'T WIN BLOSSOM QUEEN,

MY LIFE IS OFFICIALLY O-V-E-R, OVER.

( laughter )

Josh: SO, POPULARS ONLY HANG WITH POPULARS.

CATS DON'T HANG WITH DOGS, RIGHT?

REALLY? THAT'S YOUR ARGUMENT?

IT'S BETTER THIS WAY. IF EVERYONE STAYS IN THEIR OWN GROUP,

THERE'S NO CHANCE OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS.

LIKE... WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

WELL... TAKE YOU AND ME, FOR INSTANCE.

IF WE MINGLED OUTSIDE OF DOING MY MOVIE TOGETHER,

YOU MIGHT GET THE WRONG IDEA AND ASK ME OUT.

( laughter )

IMAGINE THE HORROR.

YOU'D BE SO EMBARRASSED.

( clears throat sharply )

( laughter )

DID WE GET IT? WAS THAT GOOD?

( laughter )

SO, IS DYLAN THE CAT... OR THE DAWG?

( laughter )

ARE YOU GETTING MY GOOD SIDE?

THIS ONE RIGHT HERE?

Josh: COULD ONE PERSON BE THIS SHALLOW?

I CHOSE DYLAN AS MY DOCUMENTARY SUBJECT

BECAUSE I WANTED A CHALLENGE--

TO UNCOVER THE TRUTH ABOUT POPULARITY.

BUT I ALSO WANTED TO MAKE SOMETHING REAL.

I WAS DETERMINED TO DISCOVER THE REAL DYLAN SCHOENFIELD.

OH, NO, THE VOLLEYBALL GAME'S OVER! ASHER!

( laughter )

BUH-BYE!

à BIENTôT!

BON VOYAGE!

( laughter )

DYLAN, STOP!

STOP!

WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG?

THE ENTIRE MOVIE IS WHAT'S WRONG,

AND IT WASN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU TO EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS--

YOU EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CITY.

EMBARRASS YOU?

BUT I WAS TRYING TO SHOW THE REAL YOU.

AND THE REAL ME IS HUMILIATING.

I SPENT ALL OF MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL

TRYING TO GET RID OF THE REAL ME

AND PERFECT THE NEW DYLAN.

DYLAN, I-I...

YOU DON'T GET IT, AND YOU NEVER DID.

I TRUSTED YOU, BUT YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ME.

ALL YOU CARED ABOUT WAS THAT STUPID MOVIE!

THAT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S NOT?

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, JOSH.

AND BY THAT, I MEAN "FOR" AND "EVER."

Josh: SO, THE MORE I GOT TO KNOW DYLAN,

I FOUND OUT THERE'S LOTS OF SIDES TO HER:

SHE CAN BE FUNNY,

AND NORMAL,

AND FULL OF LIFE.

JOSH! JOSH, LOOK AT THIS.

ZOOM IN. LOOK AT IT. JOSH, ZOOM IN RIGHT HERE. RIGHT HERE, LOOK.

ZOOM IN. DO YOU SEE THAT? WHAT'S THAT SAY?

WHAT'S THAT SAY? HMM? HMM?

"A+"!

HA HA HA! WHOO!

( audience laughing )

YEAH!

STOP IT! WHAAAAHHH!

( audience laughing )

Josh: SHE CAN ALSO BE SENSITIVE

AND VULNERABLE

AND COMPASSIONATE.

IS THAT YOUR MOM?

YEAH.

SHE MET MY DAD AT THE WOODLANDS SPRING FORMAL.

CRAZY, HUH?

WAIT.

WAS YOUR MOM BLOSSOM QUEEN?

BACK IN THE OLDEN DAYS.

1985.

I'LL BET YOU MISS HER.

LOTS.

GETS KIND OF LONELY HERE WITH JUST ME AND MY DAD.

SO WHEN YOU SAID THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO LIFE

THAN WINNING BLOSSOM QUEEN...

YEAH.

'CAUSE MY MOM...

IF I WIN...

IT'S LIKE WE'RE STILL CONNECTED...

LIKE SHE'S STILL WITH ME.

Josh: AND AS I DISCOVERED THE REAL DYLAN SCHOENFIELD,

I FIGURED, YEAH, SHE MIGHT BE POPULAR,

SHE MIGHT REALLY LIKE SHOES,

BUT SHE'S MORE THAN THAT.

SHE'S SMART. AND COOL. AND REAL.

AND THAT'S THE DYLAN I WANTED TO SHOW THE WORLD.

SO, MAYBE THE TRUTH DIDN'T TURN OUT TO BE

A HARD-HITTING EXPOSé ON POPULARITY,

BUT I DON'T CARE.

I HAVE A NEW FRIEND.

THAT'S WHAT REALLY MATTERS.

( applause )

( cartoon audio )

( cartoon audio )

HEY.

STILL HIDDEN UNDER THE FROG PLANTER,

LIKE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

LOOK, DYLAN...

JUST BECAUSE YOU STOPPED BEING MY FRIEND IN 6th GRADE

DOESN'T MEAN I STOPPED BEING YOURS.

I KNOW YOU WENT THROUGH A LOT WHEN YOUR MOM DIED.

I GET IT.

I STILL GET IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

WHICH YOU KNOW FOR ME NEVER HAPPENS.

( both laugh )

JOSH IS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

YEAH, RIGHT.

JOSH'S TERRIBLE MOVIE RUINED ME.

MY LIFE IS O-V-E-R, OVER.

JOSH'S TERRIBLE MOVIE WON THE FILM FESTIVAL.

YOU'RE MORE POPULAR THAN EVER.

JOSH GAVE ME THE DVD FOR HIS MOVIE.

WATCH ALL OF IT,

AND THEN TELL ME IF YOU'RE RUINED.

* ALL THE LADIES IN THE HOUSE *

* LET ME HEAR YOU SCREAM AND SHOUT *

* THROW YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR *

* ROLLIN' LIKE A MILLIONAIRE *

* RAISE 'EM UP, RAISE 'EM UP, RAISE 'EM UP, RAISE 'EM UP *

* OH-OH OH-OH, OH-OH OH-OH *

* ALL THE LADIES IN THE HOUSE *

* LET ME HEAR YOU SCREAM AND SHOUT *

* THROW YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR *

* ROLLIN' LIKE A MILLIONAIRE *

* RAISE 'EM UP, RAISE 'EM UP, RAISE 'EM UP, RAISE 'EM UP *

* OH-OH OH-OH

* OH-OH OH-OH

Olivia: DYLAN!

DYLAN! YOU'RE THE MOST POPULAR GIRL AT WOODLANDS EVER!

THERE YOU ARE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HANG OUT

WITH THE RIFF-RAFF ANYMORE. COME ON.

LOOK! I GOT THE DRESS!

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOUR CHARITY IS FASHION.

"WHAT" AND "EVER." IT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO YOUR DRESS, DYL.

OH, THAT DRESS IS SO IN, LIKE YOU.

HEY, DYLAN.

LOOKIN', UH, SMOKIN'!

Amy: DYLAN.

Principal Guthrie: IF I COULD HAVE YOUR ATTENTION.

OH! IT'S STARTING!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

IT'S TIME, PEOPLE.

THE MOMENT I HAVE...

AHEM... THE MOMENT YOU HAVE BEEN ALL WAITING FOR.

IT'S TIME TO ANNOUNCE YOUR SPRING FORMAL BLOSSOM QUEEN.

( sing-songy voice ) AND LET'S JUST SEE...

AND THE WINNER IS...

DYLAN SCHOENFIELD!

( applause )

GO UP!

WHOO!

WELL PLAYED, SCHOENFIELD, WELL PLAYED.

WHOO!

WHOO-HOO!

( applause subsides )

Whew.

RECENTLY, A DOCUMENTARY WAS MADE ABOUT ME.

I KNOW SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE SEEN IT.

( gentle laughter )

UM, I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU ALL AN UPDATE.

I WAS WRONG ABOUT THAT "CATS AND DOGS" STUFF.

POPULARITY ISN'T ABOUT HAVING EVERYONE KNOW WHO YOU ARE

OR WHAT YOU'RE WEARING OR...

EVEN WINNING BLOSSOM QUEEN.

POPULARITY IS ABOUT HAVING REAL FRIENDS

WHO LIKE YOU FOR YOU...

NOT FAUX ONES WHO DITCH YOU

BECAUSE A BETTER OFFER CAME ALONG, OR...

BAILED ON YOU BECAUSE YOU BECAME SINGLE

AND DIDN'T HAVE A DATE TO SPRING FORMAL ANYMORE.

IT'S ABOUT REAL FRIENDS

WHO YOU CAN COUNT ON,

EVEN IF IT'S BEEN, LIKE, FOREVER

AND THEY HAVE PINK HAIR AND STUFF.

FRIENDS WHO MIGHT NOT ALWAYS BE INTO

THE SAME THINGS AS YOU,

BUT WHO WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO SHARE

AN EVERYTHING-BUT- THE-KITCHEN-SINK SUNDAE.

IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING POPULAR, OR A GEEK.

( giggles )

IT'S ABOUT BEING AROUND PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU HAPPY--

LIKE HOW I FEEL ABOUT JOSH ROSEN.

( applause )

( music playing )

( indistinct lyrics )

OHH.

HI. HI.

YOU WON THE FILM FESTIVAL.

AND YOU WON BLOSSOM QUEEN.

I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.

SAME HERE.

AMY SHOWED ME THE WHOLE MOVIE.

OH. YOU FINALLY CALLED IT "THE" MOVIE.

OUR MOVIE.

SO... DOES IT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING?

YOU TELL ME.

Male Vocalist: * DON'T LET THEM

* TAKE THIS AWAY

( music continuing )

* WORDS

* THEY MEAN NOTHING

* SO YOU CAN'T HURT ME

TRUE LOVE PREVAILS.

GUH-ROSS.

I THINK IT'S KIND OF ROMANTIC.

DO YOU WANT TO DANCE, STEVEN?

DOES "E" EQUAL "MC"...

...SQUARED?

* WORDS

* THEY MEAN NOTHING

* SO YOU CAN'T OHH!

* HURT ME... *

HI. HI.

WANNA DANCE?

HUH?

WHAT? ARE YOU SCARED OR SOMETHING?

( chuckles ) ME? SCARED?

* FOLLOW

* YOUR OWN PATH FROM HERE

* SO DON'T LISTEN

* TO WHAT THEY SAY

SO THAT'S OUR STORY.

THE PRINCESS AND THE GEEK.

FILM GEEK.

I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A NERD.

SORRY I CALLED YOU A DIVA.

SO... I'M THINKING SEQUEL.

SEQUELS ARE NEVER AS GOOD AS THE ORIGINAL.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

* YOUR OWN PATH FROM HERE

* SO DON'T

* LISTEN

* TO WHAT THEY SAY

* THEY DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'