Original subtitles

(SOPRANOS THEME SONG)

Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes the presentation of evidence for today.

I repeat my earlier admonition that you not discuss the case among yourselves...

...or with anyone else, including media.

Your Honor, I have a logistical problem to discuss.

I'd like to call a witness out of order.

Now I missed the Early Bird Special.

Took a half a chicken home the other night. Got two meals out of it.

Mr. Soprano. Big bombshell from the prosecution today...

...with testimony detailing misuse of Joint Fitters' 401K funds.

- Your reaction? - No comment.

- Mr. Soprano, Allison Pak, Channel 6. - Allison, hi...

Corrado!

- Corrado! - (ALL EXCLAIMING)

- Has he been shot? - He got hit in the head by a boom.

I'm here at the federal courthouse where reputed mob boss...

...Corrado Soprano just fell nine... No, seven steps.

- Hey, how's our royal highness in there? - She's doing good.

Lois, this is Carmela, my wife.

- Hi. - Hi.

Great to see her run again. Had her first full-speed workout this morning.

Go ahead, fourth stall down. I'll be right there.

- What is that, a goat? - Yeah, that's her friend.

- She ready for the Toboggan Handicap? - Yeah.

Hello.

- She's something, isn't she? - She is magnificent.

Yeah, that's a good girl. You're feeling better, huh? Yeah.

You see that? When she saw you, she came right over.

You know what she likes? She likes when you rub her muzzle right here.

Right, Lady Pie? Yeah.

You ought to see her race. She busts her heart to win.

You like the ponies. I'll take you.

Follow my finger.

He said they'll do this every hour. Check the neurological.

You ought to go. The family's on the way.

Thank you.

My daughter's addressing the Irish Parliament.

Abortion issues.

Corrado?

I gotta go. I gotta catch a plane.

I'll be back Monday.

- Feel better. - Make sure Beppy gets my chicken home.

Corrado, you didn't get to the Early Bird Special.

He was disoriented. Scored low on his Folstein...

...but that's consistent with concussion.

We're gonna sue the goddamn Justice Department!

His CAT scan's negative, so, so far so good.

He, I don't know... He didn't seem like himself.

He could've been working on a dementia for a while...

...and the blow tipped him over.

- You mean Alzheimer's? - That's one form of it.

That's why we want to keep him here.

Listen, good chance this could all go away.

Bobby.

- Where is he? - They took him down for an x-ray.

We gotta get him into the city.

Columbia Presbyterian head-trauma unit. The best.

Why don't you take it easy?

- Had to be Paulie told Johnny. - You think so?

He hates my success.

I been thinking about that birthday dinner.

Who was there when I told the Ginny Sack joke?

Not Paulie. I remember Albert saying he didn't get a gift.

It was Little Paulie, the witless fucking nephew.

He told Paulie, Paulie tells Johnny.

Fucking telephone game, like high-school girls!

Wanna play phone games?

That party was the only time I ever mentioned Shamu's fat ass.

Hello. Verona, Green Grove Retirement Home something...

- Just connect me. - The fuck you doing?

Yeah, hello?

I'd like to talk to a Mrs. Gualtieri, she's a resident there.

One moment, please.

(PHONE RINGING)

- Hello? - Mrs. Nucci Gualtieri?

- Yes. - Hi, this is Detective Mike Hunt...

...Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania Police Department.

- You have a son, Peter Paul? - Oh, my God. What happened?

He's all right, but I'm afraid he's in a little trouble.

We found him in a public men's room in Lafayette Park.

I don't know how to put this delicately. He was sucking a Cub Scout's dick.

What? No, it's a mistake!

Ma'am, I wish that was all.

But I'm afraid we had to have emergency surgery performed upon arrival...

...at headquarters, after discovery of a small rodent in the rectal passage.

- Oh, my God! - A gerbil, ma'am.

The county does not cover medical procedures deemed caused...

...by criminal sexual activity. Section four, paragraph 15.

- We'll need an insurance number. - Oh, Madonna.

I have BlueCross BlueShield, is that all right?

Ma'am, could you hold on for one second?

I have the hospital on the other line.

(LAUGHTER)

Uncle Jun.

- Hey! Nephew number one. - How you doing today?

You look better.

Guess who came in earlier. Tommy Formicola.

Uncle Jun, Tommy Formicola died a few years ago.

Not Tommy, you cetriolo. The son, Tommy!

Jesus Christ, you had me worried there for a minute.

You know, when you came in yesterday, they said you were very confused...

...and you flunked your Holstein, I don't know.

I'm 71 years old, for chrissake.

Get hit in the head, see how you do.

- I'm glad you're feeling better. - Better?

This is Xanadu compared to that courtroom.

I'm milking this thing for all it's worth.

Maybe you're not milking it enough.

What?

You don't by any chance have headaches or blurred vision...

...or any of that shit, do you? No.

- Okay, then. - Who you calling? They charge a fortune!

(PHONE RINGING)

- Hello. - Mel, what the fuck are you doing?

Just on our way to St. Stephen's Green for dinner. Why? What's going on?

Back here in the States, I think we got a mistrial.

Son of Gondor! The bow is meant to find the Ring!

Dick.

- Yeah! - Yes! My turn!

- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO) - (BANGING ON DOOR)

Mr. Ralph! Mr. Ralph! Come! Please! Help!

What? For chrissakes, what?

It's Justin, he's hurt very bad!

(PANTING)

Justin, baby.

I don't know what to do. The boy, he comes to the house.

Shut up! Shut up!

All right, nobody move. Don't touch him, okay?

I gotta get help.

(PANTING)

- How is he? - Not good.

He couldn't get any breath in his lungs for five minutes...

...so there was no oxygen to the brain.

So they don't... They just don't know yet.

Thank God you were home.

Get the door.

Ralph, it was an accident, all right? Just kids.

Ralph.

He must be the surgeon.

- Please, allow me to introduce myself. - This is my ex-husband.

Justin's biological father.

He was supposed to take him to the archery range.

They were playing a video game, Ronnie. I don't know what happened.

No, nothing's ever your fault.

- I should never have let you near him. - He's my son.

Before he goes to your house, he can't sleep.

- Ronnie, don't. - You son of a bitch!

Hey, please! Please, stop it!

- You scumbag! - Honey, please!

- You bought the bow, you stupid cunt! - People!

Don't you talk to her like that!

Nobody talks to my wife like that. Nobody talks to her!

- All right. Knock it off, this is enough! - We were just fooling around.

- Just fooling around?! - Knock it off! Stop! Ralph, stop.

(SOBBING)

Our psychiatrist will testify as to your reduced mental capacity.

Of course, the government will bring in their own expert.

We get you 24-hour-a-day nursing care because they didn't rule out dementia...

...and you might be a danger to yourself and blah, blah, blah.

Which only bolsters our case.

If the court finds you lack fitness to proceed...

...the trial will be suspended and the charges against you dismissed...

...with prejudice, or delayed.

I called this woman, she runs an elder-care agency.

She's got an RN that'll play ball. All you gotta do is act pazzo.

Crazy like a fox, my little nephew. Now get me the fuck out of here.

Mel, this muffin basket from you and your partners...

It's the least we could do.

Ralph?

- Rosalie. Oh, Jesus. - I didn't know if I should come.

- I don't know what to do. - I know.

I'm so happy to see you.

How is he?

He's not... Not as good as yesterday.

- How are you? - I didn't understand...

...what you were going through, Ro, I...

I didn't know anything.

I was stupid. I'm sorry. I apologize.

It's okay.

I mean, there's no way to know what it's like until it happens to you.

You were so strong when Jackie Jr. passed away.

- I don't know how you did it. - Justin's gonna be all right, Ralph.

You'll see. He's gonna be fine.

He's gonna be a vegetable.

At least I have a daughter. Ralph's all alone.

I told him he should go and talk to Father Intintola.

- He should. - He won't.

There's another one who should talk to the priest.

- Is it true he overdosed on sleeping pills? - Apparently.

I also know that he and Tony are on the outs, but Tony's not talking.

First question. "What is today's date?"

A blond with big tits and a hatful of Viagra.

Yeah, cute. Fuck around.

When that government shrink gets ahold of you, you better know how to fake it.

- I could do it in my sleep. - Oh, yeah?

- What's your name? - My name?

You can't not know your name. They'll know you're fucking with them.

Listen to this. "Give the subject a piece of paper.

Ask him to draw a circle, fold the paper in half and give it back."

These demented old bats can't do that.

Maybe you should wipe your ass with it, then they'll know you're a whack job.

You think this is funny? I'm a source of amusement.

- I pretend to wipe my ass! - No, take it easy.

I lived my whole life with dignity.

Now I gotta pretend I'm a fucking drooling idiot. A scumpar�.

It's just a good, clean way out, Uncle Jun. That's all.

My poor fucking brother, Eckley. How they mocked him.

- No, look... - Suppose it doesn't work.

- We'll go after a juror. - Suppose nothing works!

Let's do another question.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

- Fucking Grand Central Station! - That must be the nurse.

Maybe she'll give you a sponge bath.

Svetlana! I've been wanting to talk to you.

I bring nurse. I don't come to see you.

I should never have taken your prosthesis.

- But it did bring me to the Lord... - You're a boring woman.

- Hey. How are you? - Okay.

- Good to see you. - This is Branca. She is registered nurse.

- He is Mr. Tony. This is the uncle. - Help me up, I gotta go to the bathroom.

I do it.

- What's your problem now? - Like anyone would care.

- Pleased to meet you. - How are you doing?

I feel like such a hypocrite.

I haven't been in church in years.

But we had a Mass for Justin's baptism.

- For all the good it did. - Ralph.

See?

- What am I doing here? - God understands.

That's why it's at times like these he's the only one we can turn to.

God.

My son's lying in a hospital hooked up to a machine.

He never did nothing to nobody.

Our Lord gave his only begotten son to suffer.

Nothing compared to this.

Were you there when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain?

It's a great mystery to us, why things happen as they do.

- But God has a plan for all of us. - Come on, Father.

I've done things in my life that I shouldn't have done.

He's making my son pay for it.

- That's how he's punishing me. - God is merciful.

He doesn't punish people.

I would do anything if Justin could even walk again.

Justin's in God's hands now.

And I assure you, God loves him very much.

Your job is you.

To get yourself right with God.

For yourself and for your son.

- Would you like to make a confession? - I think I need a little more time.

You know, to do a good one. But when I'm ready...

- I understand. - Thank you.

Let's pray.

Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness.

In your abundant compassion, blot out my offense.

Wash away all my guilt.

From my sin, cleanse me, for I know my offense.

My sin is always before me.

- A scholarship at Rutgers? - That's right. In Jackie Jr.'s name...

...for $20,000. And that's every year. Ralph? Give me a break.

That's not all. He asked Ro to marry him. She had the presence of mind to say no.

Although, she did say he went to see Father Intintola and they had a long talk.

- No shit? - I know what you mean about Ralph.

Although, to see him like that, and Justin hooked up to those machines...

Good morning, you.

- When have I ever asked for French toast? - Just eat the bacon.

It's unhealthy, this whole obsession with your weight.

So...

- Where were you out so late last night? - Nowhere.

Fooling around with blondie?

Quit it.

- Look at that guilty look on his face. - Let him eat.

Mr. Tough Guy, huh? Come on, tough guy. Come on, tough guy.

Jesus.

I have calls to make.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Ton, can I come in?

How's Justin? Learn any news?

Well, it's the left side of the brain. That affects speech...

...right side of his body. It's too soon to tell.

All right. Well, sit down. Come on.

You want something to eat?

I just came by to give you...

- From the thing. - It could have waited.

I had to smack the guy around this morning.

Nice.

Least I'm good for something.

How could I let something like this happen?

It could happen to anybody, Ralph.

You know where I was on his seventh birthday?

Florida.

So high on coke I forgot to call him.

Then I thought I did.

- Well, you cut back on that shit, right? - I'm a different man.

My poor baby.

My little boy.

(RALPH SOBBING)

You're covered by the Sheetrock and Plasterers' Union, right?

Here.

Yeah, he's...

He's covered on her husband's insurance, as far as that goes.

You know, I'll take care of the rest, whatever it takes.

I don't care if it breaks me.

He's gonna get the best care there is.

So, Ralph, there's...

There's something...

Look, I don't want you to hear it through the grapevine. Especially now.

I'm seeing that girl you used to date. That...

...Valentina.

I gotta go to the hospital.

Hang in there.

Well, maybe you should go see Pie.

- Take your mind off. - I know.

Lois called, told me about the Toboggan Handicap, Grade 1. I...

You...

- You look after it, I can't. - I understand.

Give my best to Carmela, she's...

- She's been a great help. - Yeah, I will.

I have bad luck. I had to get hooked up with that miserable twat.

Maybe if I met a girl like Carmela, I...

My life could have taken a whole different trajectory.

See you, Ton.

How's it going, pal?

Thanks for the flowers. They were beautiful.

- That poor fucking guy. - Fuck him and his alligator tears.

Paulie, his kid's in the hospital. A little sympathy?

That gives him a pass?

I don't care if he's got 100 kids in the ICU with arrows in their heads.

He's a piece of shit. You know it and I know it.

Who got you those no-show jobs? And not a word of gratitude.

He's a saint. You forget the thousand incidents with that guy?

Kid in the hospital. Just take a look how he fucking earns.

I know it was that miserable prick called Ma at the home.

They had to put her on Xanax just so she could sleep.

She was in the hospital for over an hour with nervous bowel syndrome.

Whatever happened there, that...

- That was fucked up. - Fucked up?

- You don't know if it was him. - Listen to your friend here.

And I'll promise you something else, on my old man's grave.

I get proof it was him, he's a fucking corpse.

- Nobody's killing anybody. - All due respect, T.

There's a line in the sand when it comes to mothers.

You lay a hand on him, you're gonna answer to me.

If you can quote the rules, you can fucking obey them. You hear me?

Don't just look at me. This is a business.

- Did you hear what I said? - Yes.

Goes for all of you.

All right, now, listen...

...I'm gonna visit your mother.

That was a terrible thing, whoever did it.

It's been too long now. I'm gonna go pay my respects.

- Okay. She'd love that. - All right. Come here.

He has no fucking conception.

He's got no kids. You can't expect him to understand.

I'm going to say three words and I want you to repeat them.

Boat. Flag. Shirt.

Boat.

Shirt.

Let me give you a hint. We pledge allegiance to the?

United States of America.

Okay, let's move on. Who's the president of the United States?

- I'm tired. I wanna go to the bathroom. - We're almost done.

- Who is the president of the U.S? - George Bush.

And who was the president before George Bush?

John Kennedy. You know where I was when he was shot?

I was getting a haircut.

(PHONE RINGS)

- Hello? - I'm sorry to bother you, but...

...I can't find Ralph. He sticks to himself nowadays.

There was a fire at the stables.

- They lost some horses. - Pie-O-My?

- She survived, but... - Why didn't you tell me? I'm late!

We did everything we could, but she had to be destroyed.

She was too badly burned.

Jesus.

It just went up?

The fire marshal says it looks electrical.

They found pieces of a blown-out light bulb in a stall...

...and the hay was a natural accelerant.

They'll investigate, but it's a formality, considering the value of the stock.

- No, don't. - Come on, it's all right.

(TRACTOR ENGINE STARTS)

(GOAT BLEATING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- How are you? - Hey, Ton.

I was just down at the stables.

I got some bad news.

Pie-O-My...

...she was in a fire. She's dead.

Oh, Madonna. Oh, Jesus.

That's why Lois called me. Four messages I got on the machine.

Three other horses too.

Jesus.

Look, Ton. I...

I just made some coffee, if you want, you know, eggs.

Sorry about the timing.

No, I actually just got some good news on Justy.

They think it's just gonna be speech.

Poor kid will have to learn how to talk again. Years of rehab.

Well, that's...

- That's good. - He'll walk.

He'll use his hands.

Life goes on. One day at a time.

Lois said the horse was still alive...

...but was burned so bad that they had to put her out of her misery.

I don't even want to think about it.

At this point the fire marshal says that it looks accidental.

What sick fuck would do something like that on purpose?

You know, Ton, Justin loves my eggs. See?

Sour cream's the secret ingredient.

Right.

What sick fuck?

What?

That's funny about God and fate and shit like that.

The horse gets better and we take out 200 grand in insurance...

...on the race coming up.

Suddenly there's a fire.

What are you saying? I had something to do with it?

I didn't.

Anthony, what are you, a fucking arson investigator now? Come on.

They said it was an accident, right?

You know what, maybe I will have some eggs.

- Toast? - Yeah.

How's Corky lanucci? You heard from him lately?

You know, Sil used him in that restaurant fire. Excellent work.

You know, I don't understand you, Anthony. We got lucky.

That accidental fire was a bolt from beyond.

The horse was no fucking good with the fucking colic all the time...

...and the fucking bills! She bounced back!

This time. But each time it takes something out of them.

It was all downhill from here.

Now, I know it's tragic to think this way.

But you can't argue with the fucking logic!

Jesus Christ, you did it. You cooked that fucking horse alive.

No, I did not!

- But so what? - So what?

It was a fucking animal! A hundred grand apiece.

My kid's in the fucking hospital!

I don't hear you complaining when I bring you a nice fat envelope.

You don't give a shit where that comes from.

Don't give me that look. It was a fucking horse!

What are you, a vegetarian? You eat beef and sausage by the fucking carload.

Fuck you, you...

(GRUNTING)

You fat fuck!

(GROANING)

She was a beautiful, innocent creature. What'd she ever do to you?

You fucking killed her.

You killed her, you fucking killed her.

(GROANING)

(PANTING, GROANS)

(COUGHING)

(RETCHING)

Fuck!

Motherfuck!

(PHONE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

- Hello. - It's me.

I need you to call me back from a pay phone.

- Now? - You got three minutes.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

- Yeah? - It's me.

I called you half a fucking hour ago.

Adriana put my keys where I couldn't find them.

Go to the drugstore. Get two pairs of surgical gloves...

...some bleach, come to our friend's house. The contractor.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

What's going on?

Come on.

I found him like this.

Guy was a piece of shit!

Whoever did this, it should have happened a long time ago.

- So, what do you wanna do? - Get rid of the body.

- Tried to move him myself, but couldn't. - Why do we have to get rid of the body?

What, with the fucking questions now?

When they find him like this...

...and somebody will, there'll be a major fucking investigation.

And we got enough light shining on shit. Junior's trial, all that.

No body, no murder.

Can't take him out till after dark, so we'll get him ready here.

- What the fuck is wrong with you? - Nothing.

Don't lie to me. You're high.

I smoked half a joint before you called. I'm fine.

Look at you. Your nose is running, you fucking junkie.

You promised me you wouldn't do that shit anymore.

I didn't.

Jesus fucking Christ! Can you even do this?

He was a captain, T. He was the biggest earner.

You gonna lecture me now?

- You fucking drug addict. - Not me.

But other people are gonna wonder.

Up! Up! Get the fucking mop. Get him draining.

T, okay, I snorted a little H.

I was out on my collections and I just wanted to come down so I could sleep.

See if he's got some Visine.

I'm fucking nauseous.

My eyes are fucking killing me.

- Holy shit! I had no idea. Did you? - Of course I did.

You're so high you wouldn't know if he had your mother's muff on his head.

(MUSIC PLAYS ON TELEVISION)

Charlie?

I mean, I got all pissed off when she said she couldn't have kids.

But this new doctor says maybe she can.

But I don't know if I'm ready.

Don't over-think it.

Either jump in with both feet or don't.

(PHONE RINGS)

Leave a message and make sure you leave your phone number.

With my schedule, I cannot look up phone numbers.

I'll tell you one thing. You can't be high on scag and have children.

I mean, look at that shit with Justin. It would fucking ruin your life.

Those kids on milk cartons. Teenage girls, they run away.

God knows what happens to them. Killed, I guess.

When it gets a little darker...

...I want you to move my car away and put yours in the driveway.

I wanna finish up and get him the fuck out of here.

Listen...

About this...

This fucking guy...

I came over...

...he was still moaning.

He died almost right away.

Ambulance wouldn't have helped him anyway.

Paulie was in New Paltz all day. I know that for a fact.

Well, good. Good.

I heard about your horse, T.

I'm sorry.

What the fuck happened over there, you think?

Tragic.

(BANGING)

What the fuck?!

It's the bowling ball. Cellar stairs.

Go get it. Help weigh him down.

Hey, I'm not saying I'm a saint. I've done drugs. When I was younger.

I've even done coke with you.

You're acting like I'm some kind of skeeve junkie.

I only do it once in a while.

Somebody gave me some when they didn't have any money.

I'm sorry.

You got your whole life in front of you. Wanna throw it away on drugs?

Okay.

One, two, three.

Let's go. Palmice's farm is all the way up in fucking Sloatsburg.

All right, this is good.

- Mikey's old man lives here? - Retired here.

He's in a VA hospital now. He's having prostate surgery.

It's frozen.

Come on.

And there's Artie with three kids.

- Think he's banging that French broad? - He fucking wishes.

Can you hot-wire this thing?

(CHUCKLES)

(ENGINE STARTS)

Keep the scoop up! You gotta put it up to move it!

Up! Raise it up!

What the fuck? Put it up! You gotta put it up to move forward!

What are you doing? All right, get out. Get out, come on. Get out.

Get out.

This is what I'm talking about.

That shit fucks up your hand-eye coordination.

(BEEPING)

Over there.

Great. Go!

Kick leaves and shit over it.

Where did you learn how to drive one of those?

Grandfather's construction site.

He let me fuck around when I was just 13.

He was a good guy.

Here's the problem, as I see it, with Ralph getting whacked.

People could take it the wrong way.

- What are you trying to convey to me? - Friends of ours...

...like it could happen to them. Without, you know...

...the protection of the boss...

You're the only other one that knows about it.

We were right to disappear him. You're right.

For the business.

Take these out back later and burn them.

(SHOWER RUNNING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hi, Mr. Soprano.

- Can I have some ice cream? - What?

- Well, wait there. - Okay.

Mr. Soprano! Mr. Sopr...

What are you doing? Come here! Come back here. Come in the house.

- You'll catch cold. Come on. - I was getting the paper.

You'll catch cold. Come on.

I was just getting the newspaper.

It's your fault. You forgot to get the newspaper this morning.

I make tea.

Christopher?

Christopher?

(CAR HORNS HONKING)