Original subtitles

♪ Well, I'm going up, up on Magic Mountain ♪

♪ Well, I'm going so high, we're gonna touch the sky ♪

♪ Drink a little water, up on Magic Mountain ♪

♪ Peace and love, love, love, for you and I ♪

Okay, so I'm just gonna walk you through

the basic vision of the story,

and you guys feel free to chime in

whenever you want, okay?

So, what I'm trying to do

is create a metaphorical conversation

between George Orwell and Jack Kerouac,

as if Down and Out in Paris and London

was typed out on one long piece of paper.

Snappy. Splenetic. High velocity.

At its core, it's a building's Roman,

but not in the sad Salinger, smoking, woman-hating way.

It's hopeful.

And I know I put it on my application,

but in terms of timeline,

I'd want to have the first draft done by July.

Then submit for notes from this esteemed troika,

do a quick polish,

and hopefully spend the rest of my summer

in a state of "boketto."

That's what the Japanese say

when you gaze out in the distance

without thinking about anything in particular.

All right. Very impressive, Anthony.

You know what? Only my mother calls me Anthony.

Tony.

Okay, then. Tony.

You'll be hearing from us soon.

And then they just sat there and stared at me.

I'm telling you,

these people are so fucking stupid it's insane.

I said I was gonna write the whole thing

on one piece of paper, and they believed me.

They were... They were just nodding,

like I was explaining the rules of a brothel.

EI already found this Upper West Side place,

right where Salinger grew up.

It's fucking perfect.

Just gotta tell my parents

that the fellowship takes place in New York,

and I'm outta here.

Okay, but you gotta write a book?

Yeah, but that's what I've been trying to do all year.

I swear, it's like God is finally starting to notice me.

Word for that is "providence."

The word... The word for what?

It's when God fi...

It's when God finally pays attention to you.

That...

That sounds kind of scary.

Yeah, that's scary.

I had the biggest crush on that girl in high school.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's older.

Uh, Nancy... something.

Tony, she's not approachable.

Tony.

I mean, we're in...

then we like shacked up again for a while

but I truly... I can't remember.

Excuse me, I need to speak with you.

Why don't you get the fuck out of here?

Is this woman bothering you?

She's my cousin.

Oh, hey. Uh, I went to Dwight-Englewood

with your cousin, Nancy.

Didn't you punch a hole in the principal's door?

You know, a lot's changed since high school.

I'm a writer now.

Oh.

What's funny?

What's in your pants?

Oh, that's my dick.

Truth is, I'm actually getting this huge writing fellowship.

I'm dropping out and moving to New York.

Sorry, did you say you're a writer or a liar?

- Very funny. - Answer the question.

Come with me and see for yourself.

You know, I would,

but we're spending the summer in Cape Cod, so...

To be honest, I don't know if this woman

has your best interests at heart.

And you do?

Enough that I think you deserve a proper valediction.

- Goodbye, young lady. - I'm older than you.

Goodbye, old lady. Off to...

Provincetown.

Do you know the meaning of the word "providence"?

Last call!

Boo!

All right, let's get the fuck out of here.

- When do you leave? - Right now.

Well, I hope the insouciant look on my face

is conveying how crushed I am.

So, tell you what,

come find me in September,

and you can tell me what all those big words mean.

♪ If I were to walk ♪

♪ To the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston ♪

♪ Well, first I'd go to the room ♪

♪ Where they keep the Cézanne ♪

♪ But if I had by my side a girlfriend ♪

♪ Then I could look through the paintings ♪

♪ I could look right through them ♪

Dad!

Hey!

- College boy! - All right.

All right.

Grades okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Yeah, I'm actually up for this fellowship thing.

Fellowship?

It's basically...

No, wait, wait, wait. Don't... Don't tell me now.

Let's wait till we're with your mother.

She's not gonna care.

Absolutely, she's gonna care.

Are you kidding? She's your mother.

So, I was telling Dad on the way back that...

Vassar gives out this fellowship every summer

to develop a piece of professional writing.

And, yeah, so I applied with a novel.

- A novel? - Mm-hm.

You're gonna write a novel?

Pierre.

Well, yeah. I did an interview

and I told them what I wanted to do.

And, yeah, I think I got it.

Oh!

All right! Attaboy, Tony!

What do you mean, you think you got it?

Well, it was heavily implied.

But they said they were gonna reach out right away.

There it is! They... They will not say that

if they're not serious.

How much money do you get?

I don't know, actually. But whatever it is,

it's supposed to support me while I write.

What's it about?

Yeah, what's the... What's the story?

Crime? Or romance?

No, no. It's more of like, uh...

Well, it's really just an idea for an idea right now.

Uh...

But it's a building's Roman story.

Oh.

"Building's Roman"?

Yeah, that means coming-of-age.

No, I know what it means.

It's one word.

It's a German loanword.

"Bildungsroman."

You know, like, um, "kindergarten."

- Yeah, I know. - Okay.

I just hope you didn't put that on your application.

Did you move my Oistrakh?

If it was in the pile on the floor,

- it's in the trash. - What?

Yeah, I thought it was garbage.

You leave a pile of records on the living room floor,

- what am I supposed to-- - They're rare records.

They're not even mine yet.

Then don't leave them on the floor.

I was not done with them.

I was still checking them. I had to go get Tony.

You're gonna blame Anthony for you being a slob.

I'm not blaming him.

- Phone, Christopher. - I'm not blaming anybody.

I'm just asking you to please not throw away my records.

- Christopher, please! - Hello?

Tony.

Jesus. Okay.

Hello?

Anthony, this is Professor Dobson

from the Gingrich Fellowship Committee.

- How are you? - Hi. Good. How are you?

The committee has made our decision,

and unfortunately, we've decided

to go with another student.

Who is it?

Um...

Okay, great.

I'm saying you are not receiving the fellowship.

Terrific.

Thank you very much.

Right.

Hey. You seen a pile of records?

No.

When you put something somewhere,

you expect it's gonna be there when you come back.

That's all I'm saying.

Who was that?

I, uh, got the fellowship.

Yeah, you told us already.

- Tony? - Don't come in!

Dad wants to know if you want to go for ice cream.

No, I'm okay.

Okay.

Good job getting the prize.

Thanks.

♪ I was under the Calvary Cross ♪

♪ The pale-faced lady, she said to me ♪

♪ I've watched you with my one green eye ♪

♪ I'll hurt you till you need me ♪

♪ You scuff your heels and you spit on your shoes ♪

♪ You do nothing with reason ♪

♪ One day you catch a train ♪

♪ Never leaves the station ♪

♪ Everything you do ♪

♪ Everything you do ♪

♪ You do for me ♪

♪ Now you can make believe on your tin whistle ♪

♪ Ah, and you can be my broom boy ♪

♪ Scrub me till I shine in the dark ♪

♪ I'll be your light till doomsday ♪

♪ Oh, it's a black cat cross your path ♪

♪ And why don't you follow? ♪

Hey, darlin'. You want some whiskey? Yeah?

There you go.

Two bucks.

Thank you.

Mary stands on the snake in the window...

near my house.

Uh, you done with these?

I ate these in France when I was a kid.

- When you were a kid? - Yeah.

- Right out of the ocean. - Okay.

My mom thought they were gross,

so I was, like, "I'll eat these."

And...

I said, "They taste like... the future."

Okay.

So...

do you want to have a drink with me?

Uh... I can't. No.

Yeah, no.

Uh...

Can I have another drink?

Yeah. I'll be right back with that.

I'm a writer.

Okay.

And I have money.

I'm gonna be right back with that beer, all right?

Awesome.

I've got money.

Sal!

Psst. Hey.

Time to go home.

Who the fuck are you?

Please pay your bill,

and I will welcome you another day.

All right?

But if we have another issue, lifetime ban.

Ten dollars.

What kind of fucking rip-off is that?

Well, that's the price for being rude to the lady.

But the food is for free.

Did she... No, that's my friend.

- Yeah, okay. - Mary.

- All right, let's go. - Wait.

Don't fucking touch me.

- Come on. - Get the fuck off of me!

Fuck you! Hey.

Sorry, guys.

Hey!

Fuck you. Fucking piece of...

Fuck off.

Hey, he's still here?

Yeah. Yeah, I think he got robbed.

Hey. Hey! Where do you live?

New Jersey.

New Jersey.

Come on. Come on.

♪ Rosalie ♪

♪ I've been waiting all evening ♪

♪ Possibly years, I don't know ♪

♪ Counting the passing hours ♪

♪ Everything merges with the night ♪

Fuck!

♪ I stand on the beach ♪

♪ Giving out descriptions ♪

♪ Different for everyone I see ♪

Anthony?

Hey.

What... What are you doing here?

I told you I was going to Provincetown for the summer.

What are you talking about?

When did you tell me that?

Are you fucking with me?

I...

Okay, look. Honestly...

I was so wasted that night,

I don't remember anything I said.

If I was rude to you, if I acted like a jerk--

No, no.

So wait, you actually didn't know I was gonna be here?

No. No, not at all.

I just won this writing fellowship.

They told me I needed to come to Provincetown for it.

And... Yeah, I literally just got here, so...

I don't know what the fuck's going on.

And you don't think this is like...

a crazy coincidence?

What... what does Carl Jung call it?

Synchronicity.

You read Carl Jung?

Yes.

When's your birthday?

Uh... June 25th.

You're a Cancer.

I'm a what?

Anthony, what happened to your eye?

Oh, this is a...

You know, everyone calls me Tony.

Well, if you finish your homework,

we're having a party tonight.

Nancy!

Big white house at the end of Commercial.

If you can't tell, I'm winking.

♪ Yesterday, any way you made it was just fine ♪

♪ So you turned your days into night-time ♪

Hey.

Hey. Man, I'm so sorry. Can you...

Oh, thanks. Thank you so much. I'm so...

Hey! I'm so sorry.

About... yesterday. Uh...

- It's okay. - Uh...

Could I... stay on that hammock

for a few more days?

Do you have money?

Piece of shit.

Three catch fries,

six Beach Plum and six Wellfleet!

Two rolls. One hot, one cold. Hold celery.

Yeah.

Fucking piece of shit. Goddammit.

Fuck!

Fucking goddammit!

Here you go, man. Thank you.

Three rolls. Two Beach Plum. Six Wellfleet.

- Six Wellfleet coming up. - Oh, fuck.

Can I get two more plates, please?

Nice eye, faggot.

Yeah. Catch and fry.

- Two of them. - Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey. Hold celery, I told you, man.

- Hold celery. Fuck me, Chef. - Come on!

Coming through.

Six and six!

Hey, get out of my fucking way.

Rolls!

Yep, we see 'em, you fat fuck.

Suck my dick, asshole.

Suck your dick? Okay, how about this?

You show me where it is under all that, and I'll do it.

You got that shit sealed away.

Yeah, like your statutory rape charge, you piece of shit.

I told you,

there's a different age of consent in every state.

And you got 'em all memorized.

Hi, Mary!

Shit. Sorry.

Hi, Mary!

Hey, Stav?

Hey. This is filthy!

Come on, man!

Sorry.

One roll, hot. One catch fry. Two sets, full.

You know, I can cook, too.

Excuse me?

Kid says he's a cook, Chef.

Yeah, wonderful.

I'm not a cook. I'm a writer.

I said I could cook.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't understand that.

Shut the fuck up.

My Dad's like one of the best chefs in New Jersey.

Oh? Your dad? Why didn't you say so?

Whatever.

You know what? I'm sorry, brother.

You're a cook.

Help me plate these.

You'd be helping me out. I'm behind.

- Please. - All right.

Fuck, dude! Jesus!

Hey! Nicely done.

Nice job, rookie! You kidding me?

Any fucking burn cream or something?

Burn cream?

Got three chowder. One lobster, cold. Dozen Dux.

I'd be quick about it if I were you.

Twelve Wellfleet!

Yep. Nice batch, Chef.

Yeah, thanks, Chef.

Well, thank you very much. Very nice.

Which number is this?

I'm paying the man a genuine compliment.

Why you being so nice? I'm not buying into that.

I'm enjoying everything.

It's delicious. I'd tell you if it sucked.

- I'm good. - No, you fucking wouldn't.

- What's in here? - Come on, guys.

- Thanks, Chef. - Thank you, Chef.

You are very welcome, my dear.

Hey.

Is your hand okay?

- Uh, yeah, it's fine. - Yeah.

You work in a kitchen before?

- Yeah. - Right.

So you have the safety training?

Fire? Everything?

Yeah, this was just a stupid mistake.

- All right. - I know what I'm doing.

Okay. Good.

Well, we're open Wednesday to Sunday.

Start 11:00 a.m.

That means that you are here at 10:45.

11:00 is late. Anyone late is fired, okay?

Okay.

Right.

Take this.

I can't stay. I'm going to a party.

Party? What party?

Just a girl from school.

Yeah? She got friends?

Probably.

You trying to fuck her?

I guess.

'Cause you can't go alone.

You go alone, you'll look like a creepy, lone rapist.

What?

That's true.

Chef? Taking these.

- Sure. - Let's go.

10:45!

Yeah.

If anybody asks,

I'm here on a writing fellowship

- from Vassar College, okay? - Got it.

And I don't work in a kitchen.

Neither do you. You're a grad student.

Right? You know what that is?

Uh, yeah. I said I got it.

All right.

And, oh, but you can't say you're from Vassar,

because everyone else here would know who you are.

You gotta say you're from a different school, all right?

Fuck, this girl must have two pussies.

Hey. Who are you?

Fuck off.

How you doin'?

Are you someone's dad?

Why? You looking for a new one?

No, I'm just here with my buddy, uh...

Tony.

Is, uh, Nancy here?

Oh. You're the pizza guy with the big dick.

No, he doesn't work in a kitchen. He's a writer.

- Sal. - Vicki.

You guys wanna learn how to shuck an oyster?

Sure.

Okay.

We gotta be careful with these

'cause they're a real aphrodisiac.

Yes. It's true.

Yeah, you can pass that back.

You don't want it? Really?

You want?

No. Because I'm already so far gone.

Really? Okay, well. Yeah, makes sense.

Hey, you girls want to learn how to shuck an oyster?

What?

They're aphrodisiacs.

An oyster... Do you like oysters?

We brought, uh...

Me and my mentor over there, we got, uh...

They're aphrodisiacs.

So is this.

You fucking liar.

Rob...

Steph Johansen got that fellowship.

Our parents go to the same church.

Yeah, I know Steph.

We're, uh... We both got it. It's one guy, one girl.

Okay, then why isn't she here?

If this is where the teachers are,

or whatever bullshit you told Nancy.

Maybe Provincetown is just for the men.

You can say that again.

These girls harassing you, Ton?

No. I'm good.

Okay, good.

'Cause we got a future world-famous writer here.

Don't corrupt him.

This is Nancy.

Oh. Yeah.

I see it. Could be fun.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm this knucklehead's writer mentor for the summer.

And you're a professor?

Grad student. Harvard.

Don't get him too fucked up, all right?

- Mm-hm. - Hey.

I'm confiscating this.

Trade ya.

"Do you know the origin of the word, 'providence'?"

She decided she hates men all of a sudden.

She's reading Germaine Greer.

- All right, you wanna do this? - Yeah.

Come here.

Let's see.

Usually... Oh, fuck.

Uh...

Not that.

All right, here you guys go.

You know, I'll... I'll be right back.

Let me know if you figure that out.

- Okay. - Thanks for coming.

- Hi! - Hi, what's up?

- How are you? - How are you?

- I'm good. You? - No, I'm sorry!

- No, it's okay. - I'm sorry.

All right.

I'm outta here. How'd you do?

Oh!

Hey. Dude!

Fuck off.

What the fuck are you doing?

Fucking idiot!

Nice one, dickhead.

Here.

It'll get the taste out.

Dude, I'm so fucked.

No, I'm good.

Hey, what the fuck? You owe me!

Does it look like I'm trying to fucking hide this from you?

Like you would've given if any... Fuck, dude!

Oh, that's fucking disgusting.

Oh, fuck! Yes!

Fuck yes, dude.

Thank you. Jesus fucking Christ.

Hey! Enough!

Sorry. Sorry. Jesus is awesome, Chef.

Six and six!

He's throwin' some spices and shit in there.

You got it?

You fucking moron.

This is good.

Why you gotta do that?

Why you gotta slurp and groan when you eat?

Maybe you should stop being such a fucking prick

- and just enjoy things. - Fuck off.

Tyrone, you coming out?

- Larry? Larry's coming. - Hey, Larry's not coming?

What? Why can't he come? Told y'all already.

Larry's not coming.

- Look how upset he gets. - He's coming.

- Come on, Larry. - He's not.

He's too cute to leave him cooped up in here.

- Drop it. - We need him.

- We can use him as bait. - Use him as bait?

- We don't need-- - We used to use you.

You've gone to shit.

I'm sorry if it's fucking impossible for me

to get you some fucking pussy.

- I'm sorry. - It's your demeanor

that's a fucking problem.

- My demeanor? - I'm pleasant to be around.

You know what you look like? That.

- When you sit, that's you. - Powerful?

- What? - I look great.

And by the way, this is what 15 years

- in the kitchen does to you. - I think you always

looked like two thumbs.

No. Two beautiful thumbs.

Two beautiful thumbs up.

Two beautiful thumbs up, you fuck.

What the fuck? Whoa! Whoa!

- This is a good batch! - Whoa.

Hey, Chef, you see that?

Why?

Why?

Six rolls! All hot!

Fuck. Okay.

Six and six and six!

I'm out of trays, Chef.

Flaco!

Flaco, wake up! Trays, right now!

- Yeah. - You can tell him that

yourself, you know? He's right in front of you!

All right! I got it!

Two catch and rings! One chow!

Tray.

- Yo! - Fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Fuck, sorry.

Hey, Sal.

What?

- Rolls! - Give me some of that.

Oh, here.

Three catch and fry! Six Wellfleet!

He takes it so fucking seriously with his fucking...

"Six Wellfleet! Two pour! Vamos!"

They only serve four fucking things on the menu.

One of them's fucking French fries.

Why you gotta act like

you're taking bids at an auction?

So, what is his name?

No clue.

Is he Spanish or Mexican?

Or Portuguese?

Whatever he is, you know he got his ass fucking beat

when he was a kid if he was late.

You watch him when anything is late, even for a minute.

- What? - We couldn't get away.

The line was crazy outside.

Drinks on me. Drinks on me.

All right, come on.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Gerry, put this on my tab, all right?

Tony?

What... Hey!

Hey!

Sal! Out!

- Get the fuck out! - Come on, Gerry!

- Come on, Gerry! - You punk!

- Get out of my bar... - Come on! Come on!

...you asshole! Fuck you!

- Fuck you, bitch! - Asshole!

Come on!

It's a fucking potato. Just pick one.

All right. Sure.

Fuckin'... Fuck, come on!

I'm trying.

- I'm... I'm working. - I am so fucking sorry.

I... None of that was my--

I don't care! All right, Tony?

You need to grow the fuck up.

Nancy, I'm sorry.

This is impossible.

The World Series last year really was...

I was fucking bombing.

The fuck?

You know why Chef calls you "Flaco," right?

You know what "Flaco" means in Portuguese?

It's that seam between your nuts.

You know, in the middle? That thin little line?

- Hit me, you fuck. - Fuck out of here!

Come on, what do you got?

What the fuck? Stop, you cocksuckers!

It is a nice nickname, "Flaco," though,

you got to admit.

In Spanish, it means "little clown that does my dishes."

I know that.

You guys want to see what it looks like

when Tony plays with his little dick?

Shit.

Whose car is this?

Nicely done, little buddy.

Man, watch out! Watch out!

Suck my dick!

So, I don't mean to bother you

but my kid brother locked the keys in the car, and...

Well, would you mind if we watched the movie with you?

Hey.

Compliments of the kitchen.

Come on!

What'd I miss?

There's maybe like, uh, maybe a Catalonian dialect,

where it's "acrobat that jumps from ass to ass."

It's pretty weird.

That's why your mom called me "Flaco."

- What? - She called me "Flaco"

when I fucked her.

What the fuck did you say? Who the fuck--

- Hey, hey, hey! - Lying prick!

You fuck...

I'll fucking kill you!

Oh!

Oh! Shit.

What fucking time is it?

It's time for church.

I'm not going to fucking church.

As long as you live here, you are going to church.

I don't believe in God.

You don't believe in God?

No.

That's like saying you don't believe in air.

But you're still breathing, right?

Come on.

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

- Taking my jacket off. - No, no, put it back.

Fuck.

Manny?

Oh.

Hey.

What the fuck?

How you doing?

Thought you escaped to New York.

Just here temporary.

What're you doing?

Fuck.

This guy's a fucking legend. He used to work on my station.

Hey, uh, you holding?

You got any money?

Yeah, I got fucking money.

You want in?

I don't got any cash.

It's all right. I got you.

All right, come on.

Yes!

All right. Appreciate it, bud.

Yeah. Good. Good to see you.

Get out of here.

Hello?

Hi, Dad. Tony. Jesus Christ!

Tony, are you all right? Where the hell have you been?

We've been worried sick! Are you okay?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Okay, good. Where... Where are you?

Are you... Are you in the city?

I'll come right now. You want me to come right now?

I'm gonna leave right now. I'll come get you.

- Who is that? - It's Tony. He's okay.

What? Oh, my God! Anthony!

No, no, no. It's okay. Relax. He's all right.

But, Anthony, get on the next bus

and come home right now, please, son.

Stop! Stop, stop, stop yelling at him.

- I got him on the phone. - What do you mean,

"Stop yelling at him"? I wanna talk to him.

Because you're gonna scare him! Tony, just--

Psst!

Flaco, come here.

Come here, please.

Let me teach you this.

So, watch.

You keep this towel between your hand

and the blade, all right?

There. So, we go in like this.

Yep.

Then, cut the mussel,

and then the shell will come out,

and then, you cut the outside of the mussel,

and that's it.

So, six Wellfleet.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, Chef. I fucked up.

I thought it was Monday.

It won't happen again, okay? I swear.

Tony, thanks for covering, all right?

Hey, no, stay there. I need six Wellfleet.

Yeah, yeah, no, I got it. I got it.

No, I got my shucker for tonight.

What I really need is a good dishwasher.

Look, I said I was sorry, all right?

What? You wanna fuck up your whole service?

No, you're late.

You should be fired, you know?

I am giving you a chance to stay.

That's a gift. That's my gift to you!

Okay, come... Tony, come on.

- What do you want me to do? - No, six Wellfleet.

I want you to wash the fucking dishes, all right?

No, don't blame him for your mistakes!

Tony, get the fuck out of here!

- I'm not fucking blaming him! - Yes.

Tony, I swear I... Don't fuck with me!

- Hey! Okay-- - Whoa!

All right, come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on, what are you waiting for?

What are you fucking...

- What are you waiting for? - Sal! Chill!

Come on! Shut the fuck up!

Come on! I know you fucking want to!

Come on! Come on!

But I like you.

You're the sin-eater.

Hey!

Four fry, uh, two chows, and twelve beach plums.

I got scared, honestly, for a second.

"Are we gonna lose Chef?"

"Is this fucking lunatic gonna stab him

"through the fucking heart?"

Dumbass.

I would've had his back, obviously, the fucking--

My blood is drawn. I'm gonna fuck the kid up.

But I'm glad it didn't have to come to that.

I didn't want to kill a man today.

You know I have it in me.

You know if push comes to shove, I could take a life.

I can't with you. I can! I'm powerful.

I... I seem, you know...

It's kind of camouflaged.

Thanks.

Peace offering.

You're banned.

What if I admit I'm here for completely selfish reasons?

I need a photo for the back of my book.

Of what?

Of me.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Why?

Actually, it depends.

An Idiot's Journey?

My editor actually just shortened it to The Idiot.

It's taken.

Yeah, I've been having that problem a lot lately.

I want you to take my photo because...

I like the way I feel when you look at me.

Fuck me.

I thought we were closed Monday.

Wash these.

Can't we just throw them out?

No.

- Sorry. - What was that, man?

Sorry.

Okay.

Here you go.

Salt. From seawater.

Fill these.

What's this?

It's for you.

- Yeah, stop there. - Did you take-- Okay.

It's okay... It's okay if it's blurry.

That's like literally how you see time.

Uh, right, okay.

Who doesn't trust a guy with a cool car?

But it's not your car.

Yeah! That's good.

Oh, yeah.

- Oh, fuck. - That was great.

- I have more. - That was good.

Okay, light another one.

So, how's your book?

Yeah, it's uh... It's good.

Just, uh, every day is pretty much the same.

Wake up in the morning...

without an alarm clock,

make a cup of coffee,

and I immediately sit down at the typewriter.

I try to write as much as I can, until my hands hurt.

Which is usually around lunch time.

Then I walk to this little restaurant

where they make this squid stew,

that I've become completely addicted to.

After lunch,

I take a walk along the beach by myself

to collect my thoughts.

Try to figure out what I'm gonna write that afternoon.

I try to imagine interesting places

I'll probably never go.

People I'll probably never meet.

Get some more.

And then I get home,

and just sit at the typewriter.

So you don't get out much?

No, barely leave the house.

Believe it or not, I haven't seen a sunset all summer.

But that's just the cost of being a writer.

I'm alone all the time.

Don't really have any friends.

And every day's quiet.

So, what's the book about?

How about this?

When it's done,

you can be the first to read it.

Hey, Flaco!

- I need that now. Now! - Yeah. Seconds away, Chef.

Mixed up!

What's that painting?

Oh. That's François Vatel.

You know?

He was preparing a banquet for Louis XIV,

where everything was going to be perfect.

He...

He had worked on the menu for months.

He had the best kitchen staff in France, and...

And, you know, imported the wine from Italy.

But the fish he ordered didn't arrive on time,

so he killed himself.

He killed himself?

Yep.

Why?

The fish he ordered... didn't arrive on time.

Yeah, I got that, but... why?

Vámonos!

It's just photos for a book.

It's not fucking just photos,

and you fucking know that.

Are you serious? Yeah.

Sorry.

Fucking good luck.

Holy shit.

Are you left-handed?

Yeah.

You know, using your left hand is a sign of the devil.

- Mm-hm? - No, I'm serious.

It's where "sinister" comes from.

"Dextral" is the right side.

"Sinistral" is the devil's side.

It's what "ambidextrous" means.

"Two right hands."

Taking a Latin class or...

No, it's actually just my mom.

She's always saying that kind of shit.

Pretty annoying, actually.

So why do you do it?

Um...

I don't know.

Sorry. I didn't know you were...

Hey, no, no, no. Just...

It's fine. Come in.

Here you go. Here you go.

Smells worse than the stew.

Malört. Swedish wormwood.

I guess I'll get used to this too?

No.

Fuck! Jesus fucking Christ!

Fuck you!

Well, yeah, I deserve that.

I deserve that, actually.

Yeah.

You're like a pretty serious chef.

Well, yeah.

I graduated the CIA in New York.

You're in the CIA?

I graduated the CIA. I told you.

The people that killed Kennedy?

Culinary Institute of America.

Oh. Right.

That's a pretty good school?

The best.

They should really change the name.

I don't think so.

Then you just... came here?

Well, no, no.

I worked in many places before.

Yeah.

France, Spain, London.

Michelin stars. Line up out... out the door.

And, yeah, I don't know.

I wanted to have my own place.

My own lineup of people, yeah.

So I took a loan and then...

got the place, and then...

and that's it. Yep.

Stripers!

Vámonos!

Come on!

Hey!

Ow!

Yeah! Come here, Flaco!

Where are we going?

Hey, Flaco! Come on!

Here you go! All right!

Hey! Careful. Careful. Careful.

This is gonna get a little bit nautical.

What is this?

Striper run.

Once in a blue moon.

One good catch can last the whole season.

What is it?

Just throw little pieces, like that.

Yeah. Little bit of bait.

- More, more, more! - This is insane!

Pull in the line! Hard!

Okay.

Yeah, go! Yeah, yeah.

Horse mackerel!

Hey!

Come here. Come here. Here you go.

What the fuck is that?

That's a tuna.

You brought a gun?

Holy shit! Yep.

- Sea of life. - Jeez!

Here you go, sir. Enjoy.

All right. Okay.

Always... eat last.

Here's for you.

Thanks.

Looks a little burnt.

Black doesn't mean burnt.

It's extraordinary.

Oh, my God!

Don't do that.

Why do you do that?

How the fuck else do you want me to say it?

Well, you can say, you know, "Thank God for Your work."

Something like that.

What'd you mean when you called Sal a "sin-eater"?

It's an old tradition, you know?

Where you place food on the body of the dead

and the sin-eater eats it,

absorbing all their sins, so they can pass into heaven.

They take all... all the darkness

so the rest of us can be in the light.

Yeah.

Wow. Lot of people showed up.

Yeah.

You know what? This is how... it used to be.

People just came out to the beach...

and I would pull out Howard Mitcham's book.

Page 58. Clambake.

Clambake?

Yeah. We'd wrap everything in bundles,

and cook it right on the beach, you know?

In steel garbage cans.

The whole town used to show up for that.

They don't do that anymore?

No. Not anymore, no.

Got too busy for that.

Speaking of which, I have to portion this.

- I got it. - No, no.

Yeah, I got it.

Are you sure? Relax.

Shit.

Six ounces! Yeah, fuck off!

What are you doing?

Nothing. What... What are you doing here?

Well, we heard a fucking gun go off,

and then watched you and a bunch of fishermen

have a bonfire.

Do you work here?

All right.

If I tell you the truth,

you have to promise to not tell anyone, okay?

- Okay. - Um...

So... I'm writing a book about a chef,

and I took a job here,

so I could spy on the guy that runs this place.

- You're spying? - You don't understand.

This guy, he's like a master chef.

He's idiosyncratic. He has an accent.

He has, like, no friends.

And, yeah, I came in here for a drink one night,

and I saw him, and I was like,

"Oh, my God. I have to write a book about this guy."

So do you, like, cook things?

Yeah, yeah. Uh, yes. I cook.

Like what?

Like... all sorts of fancy stuff.

Fancy stuff?

Yeah.

I've eaten here.

It's fast food.

Come to dinner.

When?

Friday.

And order the special.

Okay.

But remember, if anybody asks, I'm not a writer.

I work in a kitchen.

See you Friday.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Hey! So I figured out

how we can get a line of people out the door.

Wow.

You did all this?

First, the restaurant needs a sign.

"The Flagship.

Everything Cooked From Scratch!"

See, we have the knife to sort of, you know,

incorporate the restaurant theme.

And then, see how the lettering

is sort of wooden?

It's like the wood.

Yeah, I don't know about this, you know?

- Why not? - Uh...

It's so arrogant, you know? The sign, and...

Fuck the sign. What we should start with is a special.

Something we do every Friday.

Really fancy. You can charge a lot of money for it.

We use local ingredients. Looks good on the plate.

Something sexy, makes you wanna fuck, you know?

Something that people are gonna come,

they're gonna spend money on,

they're gonna tell their families about...

Something only you can do.

Right?

Something...

like this.

All right.

Wow.

What?

You know,

I am too old for this.

How old are you? Like 40?

Forty-five? You're fine, dude.

Come on. Let's go get the shit

for this fucking Lobster Thermidor.

Dude, come on! I'm fucking serious!

- Okay. - Come on!

So we are adding... a special tonight.

It's the Lobster Thermidor.

You know?

It's a browned lobster, cooked in egg yolk and brandy,

served in the shell, hot, for ten dollars.

Okay?

Come on!

Flaco and I will prepare it.

And I will need lobsters from you.

Just enough to split them.

Let's go to work! Come on!

All right, let's go to work.

Mixed, up!

All right. So, one of you here, ladies.

Look out.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Can I get the special?

She needs to be different.

It's very important to her. Thank you.

Four top on seven!

Guys, one Thermidor. Three catch.

Let's go. Flaco , come on. Come here.

This pan.

Butter.

A little bit. A little bit more.

Okay. Here you go.

It will give consistence to this guy, you know?

- Guys! - Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Fuck. Okay.

Hey, Stavros, come here.

Add a little bit of brandy.

Yeah, just a tiny little bit more.

12 fucking oysters, four hot rolls.

Just keep going like that?

- Guys, come on! - Yeah, just like...

Who's doing the fucking oysters?

Two chowders. Two whole-- Two chowders and--

Fuck!

Here you go.

Exactly. Yeah.

Get the claw.

Put all of the meat over there.

We spoon them, back in the cavities, and...

Cheese, and to the oven.

Ah, fuck, twelve fucking oysters,

four hot rolls.

Hey, come on. Come on. Moving on! Moving on! Come on.

Okay.

Two hot chow!

Motherfucker!

- I got it. - Rolls.

Taste it.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

- Hey! Tch! No! - Sorry.

Yeah. Come on.

I'll be with you, one second.

Okay!

Three Thermidors, side Dux, and mixed board!

Flaco, go!

Pans! Working! Come on!

Coming in, Chef.

And one hot, two cold!

- All right, they're going. - Flaco , let's go! Come on!

They're going.

No, there. No, no, no. Go, go, go!

You heard him. Hurry the fuck up! Fuck!

All right, okay.

Rolls!

- Fuck. - Shit!

We have to re-do the whole thing. Don't worry.

- I'm trying! - Just go over there.

I'll take care of this. I'll take care of it.

No, I'll take care of it. You just do another one.

- Hello? - What the fuck?

No, no, no, no! Wait! Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I got this. I got this. I got this. I got this.

Shit. Fuck!

Shit!

- What the fuck is this? - I got it. I got it. I got it.

Shit, shit!

No, no, no! Shit!

Fuck!

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Excuse me, friends.

We have a situation here in the kitchen.

Just a little fire.

Totally under control,

but I have to ask you to just leave the building.

Thank you.

Flaco, let's go. Let's go! Come on.

Vamos! Vamos! Vamos!

No. Please, please, please. Come on, guys. Yes.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah. I just got smoke in my eyes.

What happened?

It's nothing. It's uh...

It's not as bad as it looks.

It's some oil in the back.

It's fine.

Let me show you exactly.

Back up, back up.

- Please, please. - No, no.

You don't know exactly where it is.

Does he need your help?

No.

Do you wanna get out of here?

Okay.

Okay, okay, one sec, one sec.

Come in.

What?

I'm not writing a book.

I'm working at that guy's restaurant

so I can sleep on his hammock.

And the reason I need to do that is because...

I didn't get that fellowship.

I only came here to see you.

I fucking knew it.

Nancy, look, it's...

Hey.

I'm really sorry.

You've never worked anywhere, did you?

No.

But I believed you.

That's the problem, you know? I believed.

I believed everything that you said to me.

I was going to offer you a job tonight.

I was going to make you my full-time guy, you know?

Show you how to run the place.

- Hold on. - I thought I was so lucky

that I finally met someone I could trust.

That's how stupid I am.

You think I wanted a job?

I'm going back to college in September.

I'm a writer.

A writer?

I've never seen you write anything.

Yeah, that's because I've been working for you all summer

so I could stay at your house.

What do you think, I want to work in a fucking kitchen

for the rest of my life?

You know...

You could be anything you want to be.

- But you know what you are? - What?

Nothing.

Hello?

You're clear.

Maybe this is a bad idea.

Relax. Ton, there's no one here.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Come on, he owes us.

You worked the whole fuckin' summer

for free, right?

It's in the jar.

Fuck. He must've skipped town.

- All right, let's go. - What?

You wanna get to New York or not?

Come on, maybe he's got something here we can sell.

He's just got a bunch of fucking books.

Fucking knew this guy was full of shit.

Acting all high and mighty

when he lives in this dump.

I got an idea.

A what?

You wanna make some money?

We're having a clambake! Friday night. 5 p.m.

Clambake on the beach, ladies. 5 p.m.

Clams, lobsters.

Hey, we're having a clambake, Friday night, on the beach.

Howard Mitcham clambake!

Just like the old...

Clambake.

Potatoes.

Friday night.

- We're-- - It's for charity, everybody!

Let's save The Flagship!

Let's save The Flagship, ladies. Come on.

There you go. There you go.

Let's save The Flagship.

It's for charity. Let's repair the damage of the fire.

- Should we be saying that? - Who gives a fuck?

Let's repair the damage of the fire, all right?

Let's save The Flagship. All right.

Five dollars a plate. Clambake for charity!

Gentlemen, we're having a clambake for charity,

Friday night.

Hey, we're having a clambake for charity...

♪ ...flyin' across the ocean ♪

♪ And I'm soaring ♪

♪ Back home to the place I was born... ♪

After you.

♪ And I'm flyin' ♪

♪ Across the mountains and valleys ♪

♪ Back home to the one that I love so happily ♪

Shit.

♪ Can you blame me for feelin' homesick? ♪

♪ 'Cause I've been away such a very long, long time ♪

This is fucking garbage.

How many of these we gotta dig?

- Four. - Fuck that.

Oh!

You better not set us on fucking fire this time,

that's all I gotta say.

Has he gotten even fatter?

Oh-h-h! I did not expect to see you here.

I already dug my hole.

How you doin'? You all right?

You ever heard of an umbrella?

Fucking hot as shit out here.

Oh, shit.

Fuck is he doing?

How'd you get Chef's lobster connect, you prick?

♪ On and on ♪

♪ This I will follow ♪

♪ You know I will follow ♪

♪ With your buttons and your bows ♪

♪ On and on ♪

All right, here we go! Come on.

Fuck!

Fuck.

Yeah, could I have a lobster, please?

Hey, forgot your lobster.

Thank you. We appreciate you guys.

- I got it. - Thanks.

- Thanks. - All right.

Can I get two steamers?

- Thank you very much. - Thank you.

Have a wonderful day.

No, that's fine.

Thank you for doing this.

All right, two plates.

- Yeah. - All right.

Yeah. Of course. Here you go.

Yeah.

Yeah, come on, man.

Thank you very much.

- Give me that. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sal.

What?

Oh, fuck.

All right, everybody,

we're gonna take a quick break!

Be back in ten minutes! Grab the cash.

All right. I'm gonna get beers. You want one?

Yeah. Ton? Ton?

So, I looked up that word.

What?

"Providence..."

It means the protective attention of God.

For your book.

So...

are you gonna come find me in September or what?

Your corn is burning.

Black doesn't mean burnt.

You did all this?

All these people... Wow.

So, one chicken, one corn, two potatoes and onion.

Thank you, Chef.

Um...

You know, I think, maybe,

Anthony is a better name.

You know.

I think... for a man. Yeah.

You sound like my mom.

Hah. Smart lady.

Hey, Chef!

It's good to see you, Chef.

I thought he was paying rent with his mouth.

My friend.

Forget I said anything. Forget it.

I take it all back.

Well, I'll be around Vassar, either way.

Today was a great day. Don't you think?

♪ If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air ♪

More foil please. Shit's gonna peek through.

♪ You're sure to fall in love with old Cape Cod ♪

♪ Old Cape Cod, that old Cape Cod ♪

♪ If you like the taste of a lobster stew ♪

♪ Served by a window with an ocean view ♪

♪ You're sure ♪

♪ You're sure to fall in love with old Cape Cod ♪

♪ Winding roads that seem to beckon you ♪

♪ Church bells chimin' on a Sunday morn ♪

♪ Remind you of the town where you were born ♪

♪ If you spend an evening, you'll want to stay ♪

♪ Watching the moonlight on Cape Cod Bay ♪

♪ You're sure to fall in love with old Cape Cod ♪

♪ ...you'll want to stay ♪

♪ Watching the moonlight on Cape Cod Bay ♪

♪ ...fall in love with old Cape Cod ♪

♪ ...fall in love ♪

♪ You're sure to... ♪

So, it seems like...

your experience is washing dishes

in a restaurant...

for one summer.

Yeah.

At least he's honest.

Sorry, what is your name?

Anthony Bourdain.

♪ Take your brain, it's time to go ♪

♪ You don't have long to go ♪

♪ Remember me, remember me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the one who made you see ♪

♪ Remember me ♪

♪ Hang your brain up in the sky ♪

♪ Hang it up, hang it high ♪

♪ Remember me, remember me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the one who made you see ♪

♪ Remember me ♪

♪ Take your brain, it's time to go ♪

♪ You don't have long to go ♪

♪ Remember me, remember me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the one who made you see ♪

♪ Remember me ♪

♪ Take your brain, it's time to go ♪

♪ You don't have long, you know ♪

♪ Remember me, remember me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the one who made you see ♪

♪ Remember me ♪