Original subtitles

[theme music]

- Hey, dude. - Codeman, what's that?

Oh, it's called "Eye of the Tiger" cologne.

Lady at the store says it drives women wild.Heh.

You're gonna try it on Dana, right?

Tcha. You got it. Heh.

[sniffing]

What is that smell?

It reminds me of something.

Something earthy.

Something almost animalistic.

Oh, this stuff is righteous, man.

[chuckles]

Looks like the chase is over.

Whoo!

I would blame it on the dog

but we don't have one.

Goes another $3.50 down the drain.

[theme song]

[clanking]

[all screaming]

♪ The dream wide broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-oh woah-oh ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're puttin' it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ We got the woman and man ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ We got the kids in a clan ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ If all these dreams fit under one umbrella ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ It will be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ But you know what they say ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Brendan, what are you doing?

Looking for the prize.

Alright, a whistle!

Hey, hey, wait a minute, wait.

Aren't you going to eat your cereal?

Nobody eats Snookie Pops.

They taste like dirt.

[whistle blares]

And now, continuing the Lambert sports dynasty

Port Washington High School's newest track star

J.T. Lambert. Ha-ha!

Hey!

[whooping]

What's the event? The hop, skip and fetch?

J.T.'s running the 100 meters in the track meet today.

And he's gonna knock 'em dead

just like his old man did in 1960..

Heh. A few years ago.

Yeah, I think I got a shot at breaking

the junior varsity record, and if I do

I'll be the coolest guy in the school.

You might even get your picture in "The Wild Catter."

The school newspaper? J.T., that's great.

I am so sick of jocks getting all the attention.

Everyone treats athletes like superheroes.

I've gotten straight A's for three years

and I'm on the staff of "The Wild Catter."

No one ever puts my picture in the paper.

That's 'cause they don't wanna scare people. Oh!

Mom, don't you think high school sports

attract the dregs of the school?

I mean, you have your dimwitted athletes

your airhead cheerleaders.

Whoo! Well, she's right about cheerleaders, huh.

I mean, they're cute, but..

Whoo, what bubble heads.

I mean, duh, they're really stupid.

- I knew a girl-- - Frank.

I was a cheerleader.

Well, you didn't let me finish.

I was talking about today's cheerleaders.

In our day, there were brains in those bubble heads.

Cute brains.

We used to say, "Whoa, look at the brains on that cheerleader."

And look at the time. Come on, everybody!

Gotta get you to school. Let's go, go.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Bye. - Buh-bye.

- Here you go, honey. - Thank you.

- Bye-bye. Have a good day. - Bye.

Mark, where's Mark?

No time for breakfast. I overslept.

Wait, wait, Mark! Mark.

You never oversleep.

Well, I..

I felt I was becoming too predictable.

Mark.

Mark, what's this?

Oh, ooh, that's my homework.

Mark, how come somebody else's name is on it?

Uh, good question.

I'll have to look into that as soon as I get to school.

Mark, who is Max O'Connor?

[sighs] Alright, I'll tell you.

Max is a new kid at school.

Well, honey, why are you doing somebody else's homework?

Well, Max gave me two choices.

Do the homework every day, or get my face bashed in.

I chose number one.

Frank, this is terrible.

This Max person is a bully.

I'm gonna call Mark's teacher right now.

No, mom, you can't do that.

Mark, it's okay, I'll handle it.

You go and wait in the truck, okay?

Carol, you can't call Mark's teacher.

He'll look like a sissy in front of his whole class.

Well, at least, he'll be a sissy with all his own teeth.

[sighs] Come on.

Now, let me help Mark deal with Max, okay.

I mean, believe me, it's a guy kind of thing.

You know, it's all part of being a man.

It's like the law of the forest.

You know, when a big ol' elk

turns around, and..

...picks on a little wimpy elk.

Mark is not an elk.

No, but he's a wimp.

Well, I-I didn't mean a "Wimp" wimp, honey.

I, I mean, for a kid who grew up

in a house full of girls

next to a beauty shop

he's a raging macho dude.

[instrumental music]

Guess what happened at school today?

You took off your shoes and learned to count

from 11 to 20?

Even you can't bug me today.

I just won the 100 meter dash

and the school newspaper is doing a story on me.

Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha! I'm writing it.

You're writing my story?

You hate my guts.

J.T., I would never let my personal feelings

interfere with my journalistic ethics.

Don't worry, I'll be honest

unbiased and fair.

I don't like the sound of that.

J.T., relax.

What's the worst that could happen?

I find out you did something stupid

print it, and make you the laughing stock

of the entire school.

Boy, I love journalism.

[instrumental music]

Here's what you're going to do.

When this bully comes at ya

just point at the floor and say

"Hey, a dollar."

He'll look down, and you deck him.

Well, that's not fair.

And getting beat up every day is fair?

Well, it's steady.

Okay, just try it on Brendan.

You want me to hit Brendan?

Well, what if I hurt him?

Like I'm worried.

Hey, a dollar!

- Hey, $5! - Wow!

[groans]

He's hopeless.

[Mark panting]

What is going on here?

- He hit my.. - What?

I'm teaching Mark how to fight.

Oh, no, you are not.

Now, you and Max are gonna have to learn

how to talk out your problems.

Fighting is not the answer, even your dad will tell you that.

[humming]

Took a while to find them but I finally dug out

my old high school boxing gloves.

Here, here you go, slugger.

I do not want you teaching Mark how to fight, Frank.

I'm not. I'm teaching him how to defend himself, here.

Come on. Try these on, slugger.

Frank, I don't like this.

Oh, come on, Carol, I'm just gonna teach him

a few moves, that's all, alright?

Now, feet apart, knees bent.

Yeah.

Frank, these are heavy.

- What's in these? - Just your hands.

Now, come on, come here. Hit me now.

Now, I want you to hit me

just as hard as you can, okay?

- Okay. - Alright.

[grunts]

How'd I do?

Well, I don't think that lamp's gonna bother you anymore.

[instrumental music]

Oh, hi, Dana. What are you working on?

An article for my school newspaper.

"The Wild Catter."

Oh, I haven't seen this since I was in high school.

Yeah, they use machines to print them now.

Oh, my.

Oh, I can't believe the pictures of these

sweaty, young men in their tight fitting

sweaty little gym shorts.

Ooh, just look at all that...sweat.

You're working up a good lather yourself.

- Please. - Come on, Penny.

I'll hose you down in the shampoo bowl.

[chuckles]

Hey, Dana, how's my article goin'?

It's going great.

Your life's a cesspool.

For instance, your algebra test..

I believe you got an eight.

[scoffs] Never happened.

Everyone has a bad day.

And the week before that, you got a six?

See, my grades are improving.

How about the little incident at school last Friday?

Gotcha! I ditched school last Friday.

Thank you.

Frank, I just went to Mark's school to pick him up

and he wasn't there, I'm worried.

I mean, what if that bully got him?

- What if he's hurt? - Honey.

I've been working with him.

I taught him how to protect himself.

He's gonna be fine.

[door opens]

Mark, are you alright?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

I didn't want Max to follow me

so I took a little different way home.

Boy!

Wading through an icy river

can be quite refreshing.

Oh, this is really getting out of hand.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, no. It's Max.

Okay, you don't know me.

You're not my parents.

You stay right there, I'm gonna put this bully in his place

once and for all.

Hi.

I'm Maxine O'Connor.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

You're, uh, Max O'Connor?

Oh.. Uh, well, come in.

I'm-I'm Mrs. Lambert, Mark's mother.

And, uh, this is Mark's stepdad.

We were just talking about you.

Uh, I wasn't talking about you, they were.

I didn't even listen.

Is this the guy who's been beating you up?

It's a girl.

F-Frank, can I see you for a second?

Honey, your son is being beat up

by a girl.

Well, aren't you embarrassed?

- No. - Well, I am!

- And you gotta handle this. - Well, what should I say?

Well, I don't know, it's a girl sort of thing.

You gotta talk to her about pantyhose

and shaving her legs, and then slip it in.

She should stop beating up your kid.

Max, uh, you and I should have a girl to girl talk.

- Is there a problem? - Uh, well, a tiny one.

Mark says you've been pounding on him.

He did?

Well, not in those exact words.

- Is that true? - Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

[sobbing]

Here, here, here.

Nice going, Carol. Now you made her cry.

Look, Max, now we know that you've been bullying Mark

into doing your homework.

Now, I don't wanna upset you

but I do wanna know why.

I just wanted Mark to notice me.

I really like him.

You what?

You what?

Well, Max, there are other ways

to get a boy to notice you

other than random violence.

I mean, you could ask him if you wanna study together?

You think he'd do that?

Would you study with me?

Well, I'd prefer it to having a full body cast.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Lambert.

I swear I'll never pick on Mark again.

Well, good. Heh.

See, Frank, it was just a misunderstanding.

Come on, let's let Mark and Max

get to know each other a little better.

I think Mark just met a friend.

Oh, hey, maybe she can protect him from all the other girls.

So do you prefer me

with or without my glasses?

Can it, dip stick.

Where's my homework?

- I thought you liked me. - A geek like you?

I just wanted your parents off my back.

Now, 8:30 tomorrow morning.

Be there..

...with my homework.

- Or else.. - But--

And that's for ratting on me

to your parents.

Squeal again

and I'll stuff you in your locker.

[intense music]

[door opens]

[door shuts]

Women, go figure.

Oh, come on, Carol, now..

I think you've got real potential.

Uh, Frank, I do not want to learn

to spit for distance.

Everybody gets a little on 'em the first time.

Hey, Mark, how's it going with Max?

Oh, great, yeah.

We're, uh, right back to normal.

Yeah, see how much better it is

to talk out your problems, honey?

- Goodnight. - Goodnight, mom.

Listen, Mark, I know how embarrassing

this whole thing was for you

but this is the way you have to deal with a bully.

You've gotta confront them, or they're gonna push you around

the rest of your life.

Who wants to spend the rest of their life like that, huh?

[instrumental music]

[bell ringing]

[indistinct chatter]

Good morning.

Max, isn't it?

Maybe.

Who wants to know?

Al Lambert.

The Al Lambert?

Oh, wow! You're a legend.

You punched out Moose Davis.

Yeah, well, it was a slow day.

Well, how's it going?

Not too good, Max.

I may have to give someone a fat lip.

You.

Me?

Why?

Does the name Mark Foster ring a bell?

- I think he's in my class. - Save it, Max.

I'm sending you a message. Lay off Foster.

If he so much gets a headache thinking about you

you'll be talking out of your neck.

Got it?

Yeah, I got it.

Have a nice day.

[rattles]

[exhales]

Max, I've given this a lot of thought.

I'm not doing your homework anymore.

Maybe you'll break my arms

maybe you'll break my legs

maybe you'll tear me limb from limb

but I don't care.

I'm not gonna let you push me around

for the rest of my life.

Which may only be another five more minutes.

So come on, let's get busy.

[chuckles] Okay, Mark.

You win.

I'll never bother you again.

Wow.

I did it.

I did it!

Al, did you see that?

I stood up to Max, and she backed down.

I saw.

Not bad for a twerp.

That's what I thought.

Way to go.

Ow.

[instrumental music]

Oh, uh.. He-he..

That's when I beat out Ollie Parkmueller

in the 100 yard dash.

Who are all those people in front of you?

Oh, those are all the people who beat me.

Hey, I got "The Wild Catter."

Listen to this.

"Genius track star combines good looks

wit and charm."

- Dana wrote that? - It's got her name on it.

And you thought she was gonna do a hatchet job.

I don't believe it.

Someone rewrote my article.

This is rubbish, lies

a complete white wash.

But isn't it exciting

to see your name in print?

Dana, why would they change what you wrote?

I mean, you're on staff, aren't you?

Yes, and I know them all.

They're my friends.

Do you know Alison Smith, the typesetter?

Yeah?

Not like I do.

You got her to change my article?

Doesn't she have any journalistic integrity?

Nope.

[instrumental music]

And Max just grabbed her books and ran away.

Way to go, champ.

Sounds like you really stood up to her.

Ask Al. She saw the whole thing.

The dink did okay.

I just can't get over that Max lied to us about liking you.

Well, what can I say?

She was a total disappointment

as a human being.

[sighs]

So, Al, you just happened to be hanging around

the sixth grade lockers

when he was talking to Max, hmm?

I was on my way to class.

Mm-hm.

You talked to Max, didn't you?

I might've said something, it was no big deal.

Yeah? Well, I think it's a big deal.

I think it means our families are finally

starting to care about each other.

No, we're not!

I just didn't want my friends to know that my step-brother's

a weenie wuss dingle head dork berry.

You do care. Thanks, Al.

I'm almost done, honey. I'll bring it right in.

Okay, thanks.

Al.

This isn't about being embarrassed.

You didn't want Mark to get hurt, did ya?

[sighs] Okay, this is just between you and me, right?

Right.

Okay, well, if someone was picking on Brendan

I'd stick up for him.

Thought I had to do the same thing with Mark.

Al, I know you want everybody to think you're tough

but I think you got a little bit of a soft spot.

You're starting to think of Mark as your brother, aren't ya?

Maybe a little.

- If you tell-- - Your secret is safe with me.

Thanks, dad.

All done.

[chuckles] I wonder what Carol did around here

before there was a man around the house.

[hair dryer whirring]

[dishes clanking]

It's fixed.

Honey, it's all done.

Uh, just remember to keep it on low, okay?

[theme music]

[music continues]