Original subtitles

Where are you going ?

To buy croissants for breakfast

You're a darling

I'll be back in a sec....

# Oh mom, why ain't I a boy ......?

FUN AT EVA's PLACE or WHAT A DRAG ! English Subs by yavass January 2013

It's very hot today

Eva ? It's me !

Eva, answer the phone ! Answer it please !

OK, you're still sleeping

I know you're there Eva. Answer the phone !

At last ! Are you alone ?

I don't think so....

Let me check... What happened to him ?

Alain ?

Julian? What was his name ?

- Darling.... - Is he another good-for-nothing ?

We didn't hit it off..... Anyway, he's gone.

- Where are you now ? - I fled before he starts.....

.....asking about my zodiac sign.

- The croissants trick. Isn't it good? - It's a good one.

-Yesterday he was the love of your life -You saw him. I had to fight for him.

The others envied you when you left with him.

I loved it. Some gays are hard to fall but I know how to "soften" them.

I'll hang up now. See you tonight.

Tonight I'll close the deal with the European Bank manager. You forgot it ?

Sure ! I had insomnia because of that.

Hold on ! He's more difficult than the Pope himself !

And you're gonna seduce him like you did with this young man ?

It's a pity they don't look alike.

That's a good idea. Mr Aymar ?

My wife and I, we invited Mr Hott of the German branch, to dine at our home tonight

Will you be able to present your project at our place tonight ?

I'll be happy to, Mr President.

Perfect ! At 20:30 then. You'll bring your wife of course.

Of course !

-Did you have plans for tonight ? - No, I only need a wife !

- ...I mean I need to call my wife !! - Call her from there. I'll call mine.

""I should have said that she's dead""

Marie it's me. We'll have two more guests tonight.

Eva, it's me. We'll dine at the Aguttes tonight

- Perfect ! Kisses darling -Kisses ! I'll pick you up at 20:00 hrs

What's this shit ? I work at the restaurant tonight

Call a babysitter ! The kids love it !

- You have children ? - Yes ! Four !

- Whom are you talking with ? - I'll hang up now. Bye !

Adrien?

What an asshole !

She thanks you ! She's delighted !

Please help me ! I'll look stupid if I go alone.

- OK, I'll come - You're great ! I love you !

Discreet attire, light make-up, smile and be carefull whom you talk to !

Sir ?

- What ? - Your schedule

Cancel the appointment with Golden Energy.

Confirm lunch tomorrow with this.....Richter

And check if I've left the coffee machine on, in my office

Sir my best wishes for your name day. It's Saint Adrien's today.

Best wishes to you too !!

Eva! Eva!

- What do you think of my jeans baby ? - Slutty !

You got a beautifull ass, baby chick

More ! I love it !!

Is your boss ready ?

- What a wanker ! - I'm gonna quit !

Great idea !

Fripounet, put an ad in the newspaper, please !

"Restaurant is looking for a gay chef. References are required"

Listen to this comment....

"Nice, charming and exquisite restaurant...."

".....with soft, candlelight, romantic decor ..."

".....but the chef knows as much about food ..."

"....as the Queen of England knows about fashion ! "

We're gonna lose all our clients

Devine One ! Clients do not come here for Riki's food but for your glamour !

-D'ya know what it means "Riki's Food"? - Shut up, ass !

Go get ready, dear. You know what time it is?

- Relax ! - Eva ? Darling ?

In September I'll find the ideal man of my life.

- And also I will marry a woman. -Been at a cardreader's again ?

- Yes, and I showed her your photo. - And.....?

She saw men in your life. She's great that cardreader !

Men or Faggots ?

Riki is crying, he's hurt that you called him Queen of England.

I cannot be a waiter and a shrink ! You make up your mind !

Fripounet have you finished your act ? Go serve the clients !

- Ready ? - I'll go change

Are they gonna eat in the dark at table 9 ?

- Great ! They won't see what they eat - Read the magazine again....

"...candlelight, romantic...." What do you want more ?

- A light bulb ! - Let's go ! I'll lose the contract !

Stop it already ! I'm coming !

- Without your wig ! - I haven't washed my hair

- But you look like a trannie ! - Oh yeah ? What do you think of this ?

Try it

How about a black eye? It will seem so macho !!

-It's the contract of my life ! -Like the man of your life, last night ?

This is different

I warn you, it's only straight people tonight

Great ! I know them only thru photos, I've never seen one in real life.

Darling !

Good evening

- So, you made it finally ? - Pardon me ?

For the dinner. I told him to invite you. I'm Andre' Lemoine.

Oh yes, thank you !

- My wife.... - Of course.....

We've met already, I think. I love your restaurant

You were right. I would be outta place here !

Eve.....the ring !

We use it only for grand occasions

Relax, no one will notice. I spent 5 years pretending I'm straight....

....and I wonder why ?

-Mr Agutte never notices anybody. - See ? You could come in high heels

Shut up ! This is a 7 million business

- How much in old money ? - 700 old million

Patience, inside their mansions, rich folks walk slowly in fluffy slippers

Especially, on expensive carpets !

I'm sorry Mr Agutte, I thought this was....

Don't worry. The whole floor is my appartment

Please, do come in

This is my wife

Choosing of the correct woman shows the efficiency of a good manager

- We must envy him - I like to live dangerously

He turned me into....

-....a house wife - Do you have children ?

- Four... - Three...

We adopted the last one.

Really ?

Are you also in our business ?

No....I am....

...a social worker

Oh, really ?

I'll be back shortly

- I see you've met my wife already - I have relatives in Germany

Our grandparents were friends during the war. Edmond Fournier?

I lost my grandfather recently. He was 95 years old.

I bet her grandma had sex with the Nazis.

- Stop it please - I promise I'll stop.

- Thank you ! - Dinner is ready..

We are ready too.....

Let's sit or the meat will be overcooked

- The merger opens up the markets. - We'll have an international target.

"Men together with men" What does this tell you?

It's the motto that I proposed, dear

Where does my husband get these ideas, I wonder ?

- Do you like it dear ? - I can only judge ...

...when I'll see it on a poster.

We have to see the artwork. Could be more incisive ...

...more appealing. As you say here, more.... penetrating.

How about "Men Together" ?

"Men on top of Men" ?

Yes, it's an American technique of plastic surgery that I recommend.

It is less traumatic and allows ...

You look like an inflated balloon.

These old women scare me. They look like they're gonna burst.

My sister is conservative doctor.

- Is this technique painfull ? - It is imperceptible.

My patients get out of my Ops Room and go directly to their office to work

Do executives also do this surgery?

Sure, politicians, judges, you'd be surprised.

You are a dangerous guest.

They will be thinking how "stretched" is the hostess...I mean "operated"

I'm not ashamed. I like the work that Raphael did on me.

But I will not tell you where he did it

As I say, I only have one wrinkle, and I'm sitting on it.

What an elegant comment !

I've heard you have a beautiful home in the south.

I stopped going there since my husband ...

I don't go there anymore

I prefer the central region of France. Hunting makes me forget.

I dumped once a man 'cause he shot a wild boar......

.....which died 2 hours later, in front of me

- He didn't do it on purpose - Neither did the boar...

Have you seen Picasso's art exhibition ?

He hated women. He disfigured them ...

... by dilating their nostrils. What a horror!

You are regressing, Claire.

Marie, do not use shrink jargon with me, please !

My sister prefers church confession than psychoanalysis. Right ?

Sunday was great. Father De Brun condemned abortion.

Claire, please, spare me this sermon !

- You smoke too much. Tell him... - That's not my style

Love is ... accepting and understanding the vices of your beloved.

Where did you read that? In a cheap, trashy magazine ?

I hate hunting. I'm all for plastic surgery....

...I'm pro choice in abortion, fanatics drive me nuts, I love Picasso....

I hate houses where nothing changed in 100 years except electricity...

...and I prefer dinners with trannies than with old boring bitches.

Bravo ! A minute later, I would have done this to you.

Excuse her. She's her usual self.

Forgive her, I don't know what got into her.

I thought tonight would be boring, but old frustrated women amuse me.

I'd like to have lunch with you, the two of us.

I don't understand....

I'll say it in a different manner

Slapped on the face, making out by force....

....what a night !

Has she left ?

I tried to convince her to stay, but...

I'm very sorry.

I am not

Eva, I know you're there. Eva !

Answer the phone, it's me ! Pick up !

Pick up, Eva

Who is this ?

- From the florist's - Come up

- Darling, hold on - Mrs Aymar ?

Yes, that's me !

What's goin' on ?

Would you like a coffee ? Eva, I'll call you back

-Sorry, I cannot.... - Eva, hold on !

Flowers for Mrs Aymar. Another stupid joke.

From Alexandre Agutte? Shit, it's for you Eva !

- Any messages? - Idiot !

"Call me and tell me you forgive me"

The bastard thinks my wife could be pimped out for a contract !

- What does he think that I am ? - Stop it ! It's not always about you !

Is the bouquet of flowers beautiful?

Yellow roses. Roses for you and thorns for me

Bring them to me, for the bar. The card too. I'll call him to thank him.

You'll do nothing of the sort. I'll send him a reply that will finish him off

Stop treating me like an imbecile.

You are wonderfull darling, intelligent, I know it.

But he's a killer. Writing to him is safer.

Relax ! I'll go on pretending I'm Mrs Aymar until you close the deal.

You fancy him ?

- What do you think ? - He's a bit over-ripe....

- Is he older than you ? - Shut up slut !

I forbid you to go out with him until I close the deal. Got it?

I give you my word, Adrien.

- You've been married for a long time? - Yes....

- Actually no ! - But you have four children....?

That's true ! Four kids ! How time flies !

- Boys or girls ? - Boys. Adrien only does boys....

And you have adopted your daughter ?

How come adopted ?

But...you adopted the last one, haven't you ?

Your memory is better than mine

Do you remember that I kissed you ?

Yeah, but that time, I forgot all about my husband.. ..

- You two, you make a strange couple - Why do you say this ?

I kissed you and I felt that you were available.

I love Adrien very much. He's saved my life

Then, I should thank him too.

- Is everything satisfactory, Sir ? - Perfect, Emile

- This is Mrs Aymar. - We all know her place. Bon Appetit!

I take care of one of his kids ... in my house.

Right. You're a social worker...

It is hard for me to imagine you like that

Is it interesting ? Tell me about it

First of all, you got to love kids.

I feed them with sausages. They love sausages !

No smoking, no drugs, no liquor

I even avoid flowers because of wasps. Children are delicate.

But some are real devils, cruel to each other.

When I see an introverted, unhappy child, I do pay more attention.

Such kids need me in order not to become gay ...

...junkies, male chauvinists that will kick women's asses

Or steal kisses on the stairs.

I worry so much about others that I forget to take care of myself

Strange ... you remind me of someone, whom I do not know yet.

That was nice. Do you like poetry ?

It's like asking if I like Love....

The "cursed poets" Verlaine, Rimbaud (gay couple, end 19th century)

Yes, amongst other poets......

These are two men who loved each other. Beautiful, right ?

- Are we still talking about poetry ? - Does Homosexuality bother you ?

You mean....

...two men or two women having a sexual relationship ?

That's a good definition.

Listen....no matter what.... I think men are made for women.

Of course.

-But Homosexuality does exist - Sure, but I don't care.

The problem is that these people do not know when to stop.

One should avoid them

Are you sure that you don't meet them every day, without knowing it ?

I'm sorry but.... I'd have realized that.

Wait....

Are you trying to tell me that you prefer women ?

No, I could never give up on men

You're radiant when you laugh

I wonder......

....if you knew that one of your employees is one of them....

One of them ?

- A faggot, a bender.... - Bender.... ?

Homo, poof, gay....

We are executives, not seamstresses

Such a pity, we would have at least Fashion to talk about.

Don't worry. It's a professional secret. Nothing will leak from my clinic.

That's great !

Hello ! How are you ?

-Just fine, thank you. And you ? -Just fine, thank you. And you ?

Fine. And you ?

Shit !

They're magnificent.

It's a great advertisement for my clinic

Alexandre didn't even notice them

He wouldn't even notice if you had added a third one.

What is this ? Are you depressed?

He only thinks about the damn bank. I exist only to make business dinners.

Are you free tonight? Would you like to go out with us ?

- That's nice of you ! Where to ? - Ingrid loves to try new things

I think it's a restaurant. Food is mediocre, but it's a funny place

Having fun without calories ? It's a dream !

- Emile, do your kids have problems ? - I have no children Sir

- Then, how do you know Eva's place ? -I dine and surely have fun at her place

Of course....

CHEZ EVA (Eva's Place)

Good evening Sir. Table for two ? I trust you're not alone, are you ?

- No, thank you. I'll stay at the bar -Then follow me please

Whisky ? Coke ? Beer ? Champagne ?

Poppers ?

J and B, please

J and B with all its garnishes (GAY GUIDE OF EUROPE)

If you're not shy, I'm sure you won't leave alone tonight.

My darling girl !

(The dark side of the Moon)

Hey, how are you ?

- Hey my cute ! - Hey !

- I must tell you something - What ?

- Threads of gold. - What threads of gold ?

-A few stiches and all wrinkles vanish! -Ah ! That doctor convinced you!

- Let's see if there are any scars. -Nothing. Next one is my double chin.

You should come with a carnation, so that I recognize you

Oh yeah ? Have you seen yourself without make up ?

If you want, I can lend you my lipstick, it comes off easier.

My bunny !!

- Where's Eva ? - In the private area

- Are you wanted by the police? - Yes, I am.

Cyril works for me in the bank. A computer genius.

You did well hiring him. Young people are more creative.

A fag ?

More or less. Hetero-cool Straight without prejudices.

-Does this mean he fucks only on Sunday? - Stop it now, he's clever, you know

Who cares ? It's not his cleverness that I want to blow !!

- My head is up here Andre' !! - Sorry !

Song "SALMA YA SALAMA", 1978 by DALIDA One of Europe's first Ethnic fusion hits

Great, it's only gays here. We're gonna have fun !

In Sweden, all the guys I liked were faggots....

- Luckily, I found my Severine here - Let's have a drink ?

How funny! Alex conquered me with a bouquet exactly like that.

- Really ? - Yes !

I'm going to the bathroom

Take it, you deserve it !

-Where were you? Our table is over there - Let's get out of here, now !

- Why did you lie to me? - I only tried to protect you

- That's the best news of the year - I don't think so

Are you joking ? It's great ! Our boss is a fag

No, Dede'..... Dede'....

So, you decided to see the dark side of the moon, tonight ?

If you please, Lemoine?

I prefer younger men, but ...

...I do not discard any possibilities.

- May I check something? - Sure.

Allright, it's the same package. I was not sure for a moment

Go harass gays elsewhere ! This is my place !

- Did you have fun tonight ? -Marie....it's you !

Did you expect somebody else ?

Why are you still awake ?

"Men together with Men"

Now I understand the slogan. I can see the poster.

-What's wrong? Not feeling well ? -I wanted to ask you the same question

Have you ever been totally deceived by someone?

Yes

It has just happened to me

How come you said "Yes" ?

We've always shared things. For you, I would do anything....

...even explore the dark side of the moon

That's enough ! Let's drop this "moon" subject now

Some friends have played a hard trick on me....

You know I'm not like my sister. You can discuss any subject....

"Faggot", do you know what it means ?

More or less, but go ahead and explain it to me

I must get it myself, first.

Except for what was happening in the army, I never saw one up so close.

I grabbed one with my hands, 10 minutes ago !

What did you do to him ?

Any way, I hurt him

This guy that you grabbed.... do you see him often ?

Every day, for many years now

Tell me Marie, honestly.... am I a pervert ?

- Tell me please, do you still like me? - Of course I like you !

I'm sorry for troubling you. This does not concern you.

But yes, it does !

Take me for example....

...if I were not the person that you think I am....

....wouldn't you feel betrayed ?

- After all these years of marriage.... - It'd be horrible !

No lie of yours can make me forget the reasons that I love you for.

But it's true that lately we haven't made love often.

You know, the Germans leave me exhausted every evening

OK....

- Perhaps a doctor could help you - I don't need a doctor

I need air. I'm going out for a walk

Take protection at least !

What are you talking about ? I have my coat

May I have a word with you ?

- I can't. I have a lunch appointment - Just for two minutes ?

Be at the restaurant at 3 pm

Who are you now ? The executive's wife or the madame of the brothel ?

Alexandre, please stop it

Don't worry about your husband's biz deal. He's the best and he'll have it.

It's you who wanted to see me again. I could not betray Adrien

- Don't you get it ? - I don't have time for this, Eva

You'd have time only for a quickie with someone else's wife, right ?

Exactly !

This is your life style, huh ?

Pent up in your bank, in your house, in your car...

What remains out of that frame, stays out for good. But I am free.

Free to pimp for the homos ? I saw you in your restaurant

You, in the middle of your faggots.

You take good care of them !

- Excuse me sir ? - I am not talking to you !

- I need a quote from you - For which company ?

- The Bombardieur is rising - Act quickly, it'll rise further

- Right away, sir - We'll talk again later

You live the wrong life. Have you ever thought about that?

Maybe. You got some suggestions to change it?

We can't be together, anymore

Go back to your faggots !

I'm depressed !

Don't worry my little one. You're a winner ! We all know that !

He hates gays. He's gonna fire us.

He is busy taking care of Hott, and he also risks to lose a lot !

At least, we can still be street hustlers.

We are old meat. Nobody would want us.

Yesterday I found five gray hairs.

- You should use "Progress" ! - What's that ?

A product to regain pigmentation of white hair

Tell me...Eva likes men ?

- Our young Cyril was crazy about her -She's smarter than that. What a drag!

- I dreamed about him this morning - Enjoy it, dreams can still be bareback

I may be crazy, but why does Agutte react like that ? He must be closeted.

- Perhaps he's a closeted queen - Our Agutte ? A queen ?

You're delirious my little girl ! He's totally a straight stereotype.....

...a prejudiced pig, a macho and he's proud of it !

- Am I interrupting ? - Not at all !

Mr Agutte ?

If I understood correctly, that was Mr Aymar ?

Yes

How long have you been in our banking business ? Three years ?

- It's five years sir - And in the ass fucking business ?

Pardon me ?

Yeah, a bender, a poof.....

I don't understand you, sir.

And I thought you were a serious person, up to being even boring

I'm doing my best, sir.

Of course....

Sure....

- Please call Mr Aymar ! - Mr Aymar ?

- Put him on the conference speaker - Of course

Mr Aymar !

- Connect me with Mr Aymar -Tell him his project has been approved

Why did you hung up on my face ?

This is Andre Lemoine, of the European Bank

Our Bank president asked me to tell you that your project has been approved

You're not funny when you play macho with me, it doesn't suit your image.

This is Lemoine on the phone and Mr Agutte is in front of me !!!

In front of you ? Not behind you ? You're having illusions, my little girl.

I think he's a bit...overwhelmed by this news

Dede'! Dede'! You are hysterical. Girl, pull yourself together !

This is Alexandre Agutte speaking. Are we signing this deal ?

This is Alexandre Aymar... I mean Adrien Aymar speaking....

- You got your deal ! - Also thanks to you, my cute one !

Don't you ever get tired of acting like queens ?

Shut up ! I got you promoted and you didn't even thank me.

This is a dream ! We have to party and cool off our heads

And the rest of our bodies too !

Why are you hidden here ? Did you come for them or for me ?

- Pepito, champagne ! - I can read your mind, Divine One !

Here's to Adrien's deal. Thank you for this !

I did nothing but choose only the best.

I want to take you away from all this, tonight

- ""All this"" ? - I've booked a hotel suite

Really ?

You're the owner here, you can leave any time....

I'm going out anyway. I have an appointment.

Acting like this, is not gonna lead us very far.

It will not lead us to a hotel, for sure

Going out with him ?

- I dumped him - Why ?

- He booked a hotel room -Sleep with him, go ahead, you're free

A hotel room.... that's not what I need

A man like him with a woman like me ? One cannot dream of such things.

If he can't love your world, he can't love you either.

- Let's go to the Rave party ! - Give me five minutes.

Mr Agutte !

Excuse me !

Sorry ! Excuse me !

- Sorry ! - Careful !

No, I just.....

Please let me through. It's my husband over there.

Where's Eva ?

- Look her up ! - Thank you for your help !

With Eva, it'll always be this lifestyle

- Security ! - What ?

Security control

Who's the Maitre D' ?

- What ? -The Maitre D' of this establishment ?

She's tripping. Don't worry. Breath deeply !

Where's the parking lot ? I can't find my car !

- Relax, you'll find your car - Where can I find a phone here ?

Piss off and relax. She busted my balls

Hey, over here ! Over here !

When he showed up in my office, I promised myself I'd change him....

...but I think he's dramatically straight

There are no straight men. They are only men gone astray.

- A rum with coke, please - We have only beer or water

OK, a beer then

Mr Aymar and Mr Lemoine !

You didn't expect me here, huh? I'm not a member of your sect !

- Of what sect are you talking about ? - Of the double-faced deceitful

I don't follow you....

Very well then. I'll speak clearly. I'm talking about my husband

Not the respectable banker....

....but the bastard who spends his time in these ...

- Rave parties - Rave

It's called Rave

What a sinister place ! A bunch of hysterical people !

Where's the pleasure in this ?

We apologize for being gay, day ... and night.

Mr Lemoine, could you please see me out of here ?

- Of course Mrs Agutte - Thank you

Stick around, she may want to mount me.....

-Think of promotion, it'll make you stiff - You're not funny.

He takes sleeping pills per night and vitamins per day

He is neurotic.

And yet he goes to places like that! Why didn't he ever talk about it ?

Straights are never gay, they just have amnesia !

Cut it out ! He ain't neurotic. Next thing, you'll call him a zoo-phile ?

You mean, he has sex with animals ?

Why not ?

Here ! Smoke this, it'll calm you down

- Wait, she's already calm - No, Adrien is right. Up to the end

Inhale it !

Exhale it !

Very good !

Have you ever slept with women ?

Here we go again.......

Speak openly....

- Once only - Really ?

- I wanted her boyfriend - Did you fuck him ?

Only his wife. He was straight 150%.

If you'd have 50% with him, he'd still continue being straight 100%

That's true !

Has any one of you two slept with my husband yet ?

Or maybe both of you ?

I haven't, definitely

The only time that your man touched me, he did it to hurt me

But my husband was not gay. What happened ?

I turned him gay ?

Or maybe you know tricks that I don't know how to do them ?

What do you do better than me ? You kiss better ?

Are you more affectionate?

You give better head ?

That's for sure.Men do it better than women

It's only men who say this

Since we don't have sex with women, we got to believe this

- We ought to have sex with a woman - Sure....

Haven't you ever been blown by a woman ?

- No, no only once, a long time ago -......a long time ago

- Have you lost something Mrs Agutte - I will find it....

Mr Aymar, leave us alone . Mr Lemoine, you'll see some true Agutte hospitality

- Certainly - That's not a good idea Adrien. Stay !

- I am shy down there.... - Calm down !

That's not possible, it disappeared

- Am I scaring you ? - I'm sorry but I cannot !

I am a fag ! With capital lettes F-A-G

It's your turn now !

Well, maybe Mr Aymar has some advice to give or he uses special techniques ?

I dunno...we could try. After all, I do want a child

-This is not how you do it, you know... - Maybe I could fuck a woman...

This will be like sci-fi, like "Star Trek"

- Mr Spock will be born soon ! - Shut up ! This is not easy for me

Come on !

If successful, you'll get your place in the Book of Records !

I need to focus. She picked it up.

If she used a fake beard, could that arouse you ?

-You're busting my balls ! -Your balls are being busted by her, dear!

I'm almost done down here and it's not up yet ! What's goin' on ?

You know, it's not that different with a guy ! It's true !

But look how she sucks it ! I was better even when I was 14

14 years old ? Little slut !!

If I were you, I would go more softly and slower.....

- She is already making an effort... - I would have already given up.

That's why you're not in my shoes

-Well, this is working ! - Tell her to stop licking my foot!

Are you alright Mrs Agutte ?

You should forget all formalities at this stage. Call me Marie.

Do you have children Marie ?

No

Maybe I should....

....see a psychologist.

I cannot stand thinking that while pregnant, I'll turn into a whale....

...ugly, deformed

Alexandre accepts my decision. He does not care.

Do you think we should have kids ?

You need not wait for things to worsen, in order to have kids

I'll call you tomorrow, Dede'

- Are you going home ? -Yeah....

- Wanna come over here ? - Sure darling

- Eva, I'm gay... - I would have never thought that !

- Is it so obvious about me ? - No, it's not obvious

- Are you sure ? - No one notices

You're a sweetheart. I cannot stand faggots.

- Neither can I ! - I'll be over there shortly

-Agutte was looking for you. - And he found me.

-Well, did it happen ? - It did. Everything.

I guess he wasn't that bad in bed.....

You're falling madly in love....

When the phone rang, I was feeling as if I were 15 years old

At least....

Was it him ?

- What ? - Was it him on the phone ?

No, it was Pepito. Fripounet tried to kill himself.

- I already feel the urge to call him - Don't be silly. Let him call you

You think so ?

Unfortunately, you're right.

- Let's go to sleep ! - OK, let's do that

Heavens ! It's my husband !

Darling, I'm late for the meeting. And I need to talk to Mr Aymar

Forget the daytime problems, think only of night time debauchery

- Excuse me ? - He's playing innocent....

- What do you mean ? - What ? Haven't you told him ?

- Tell me what ? - Put your shirt inside your pants, Alex.

I guess it was a quickie, inside the lift, huh ?

He's very handsome !

She's very tired. I must send her for holidays.

Mr Aymar, I need to speak with you before the meeting

You're Eva's oldest friend

- Her best friend. She confides in you - I'm her family

It's the first time that I've met someone, who....

....makes me question my life.

- You want to know if she loves you ? - No, not at all !

Well...actually, yes, I do want to know

You know, Eva is a special woman, very fragile....

She had a very difficult life. Did she tell you ?

No....

Oh, she hasn't told you

I'm gonna give you an advice. The most important...Do not go after her!

Let her come to you. She'll call you !

- You think so ? - I'm sure

That's ridiculous ! What do you mean ? My ham was a success !!

Are you joking ? Three clients went to the hospital last night !

It's not my fault. It's the supplier's fault !

- Is this a bad moment ? - I've never had any good moments

You're right. I was seduced, fucked and dumped like an idiot ! Story of my life !

- He hasn't called you ? - No

- I'll take you to that hotel suite. -You must accept your femininity first

Never !

Stockings, heels, wigs ...

For the marriage of these two mad fags, faggotty dress is required !

Rambo, do you have my size ?

I've a 44 darling !

Did you really think that my drag queens wear a size 35 ?

Do you have a gown from the film "Working Girl" ?

What about this model ? It's classy, right ?

The �Working girl�.

Good for any event !

The �Working girl�.

- A cocktail outfit - �Working girl�.

Calm down, darling !

The �Working girl� !!!!!

Come, come. Do exactly what I told you.

Do not improvise ! Only what I've told you ! Let's go !

Eva, come, we're a big success !!

Eva !! Eva !! Eva !!

What is this new genre of a man ?

It's for Eva ! She said that I have to accept my femininity.

Hold on Eva ! We bring you virile, young men here...

....and you turn them into transvestites ?

Tomorrow, I'll come to work like this

You need not come to work. Go straight to the streets to hustle

And you my poor girl ? You look like a cheap tranny !

I'm releasing my female side.

That's news !! She's releasing her female side.

I have an idea. Let's play a game. "The treasure hunt"

I'll be the treasure !

No !! I'll be the treasure !!!

You always want to steal what belongs to others !!

He who finds me, wins a gift ...

...and for those who won't find me, I'll be hidden behind the door.

Stop thinking about him !

- I ain't no faggot ! - Me neither !

Stop putting labels on everything.

Close your eyes and imagine....

..that I'm a woman

- I have a limited imagination - Well, I don't !

- I am sorry ! - Are you suicidal ?

I didn't mean to....I didn't want to hit you, not at all !

I didn't mean to...I told you, I did not....

It's OK my darling !

I want a child

But that's my dream ! To have a child with you !

Oh, really ? And how would we do it ?

Artificial insemination ! What other way ?

- But I'd be your prisoner for ever ! - All couples are prisoners of each other

Stop it, please !

I must change my life

Change everything !

I'll sell the restaurant

For the sake of that asshole who won't even call you ??

I'll call him...right now and tell him that I'm selling the restaurant.

Haven't you suffered enough already ? Are you a masochist ? Think clearly !

Shit, you're right. I'll take a sleeping pill and forget everything.

Think about it all !

Thanks !

I love you !

I know !

Thank you !

Good evening !

Girlfriend !

- Interested in a great shag ? - Where is he ?

Over there !

- Ex altar boy. He adores the whip ! - Him ? Are you crazy?

I'll finish him off !

Make no mistake, hit for real. When he says "no" it's because he wants it.

Do you have a light, darling ?

Thank you, baby !

- Wanna dance ? - I'm looking for Eva

Eva is in front of you right now (in french= she's inside my panties)

Set yourself free !

Come into my world !

You're very attractive but I came here only for Eva !

Eva ! We all love Eva ! She's divine ! We adore her !

- Mr Aymar ? - Mr Agutte ? !

What a positive experience ! But you seem troubled.

I do not want to disappoint you, but I've reached a point, where, ...

.....excuse my frankness, your charm gets on my nerves !

Very well. Looking for Eva ? She's in the private area !

- You're the altar boy ? - Pardon me ?

Don't pretend, slut ! I know ya luv it ! You're gonna have fun !!

No, you're making a mistake !

- Did you take my tranquillizers ? - I am not a manic depressive.

What's this noise ?

Open the door ! Come on ladies !

Rambo, calm down !

Are you enjoying this, pervert ?

It is a hard enough ?

You love destroying what can be good between two people.

It makes you happy. That's why you are alone, that's why you come to my bed.

Love frightens you ! You'll never be happy. You're nothing but an idiot !

Alexandre ! Alexandre !!

Hello ! Leave your message after the beep !

I know you're there. Don't answer the phone. It's not worth it !

This is the end, Adrien !

Your lectures on the loneliness of the gays ...

You know what to do with your theories about destiny !

It was not true, none of it !

You could be with a man and I could be with a man, too !

But how can we fall in love, if we can't stand ourselves ?

Therefore.....

Good-bye....

Hello ! Please leave your message !

Don't answer the phone. I'm devastated.

I screwed up Agutte's life and yours, too.

You know why ? I'm afraid of losing you

Eva, you're the woman of my life

Do not laugh at me......

You're the woman I want and the woman I wanted to be.

How many men have ever told you that ?

I feel dizzy right now. I also wanted to change my life

I also feel like a prisoner ... balancing on the edge of the abyss.

Hello ! Please leave your message !

Enough already ! It's me ! Answer it ! We need to talk !

Evelyne!

- Your father wanted to see you -Was he remorseful for the past ?

After so long, you came only for his funeral. Shame on you !

- Don't make any scandal ! -Don't worry ! The scandal lies there !

Why did you come back ?

I'm a masochist !

There...it's over now !

Do you think there's life after death ?

Hell, Heaven ... who knows?

But mom never misses an opportunity to impress us with a big meal at home

That's the best light bulbs bouquet I could find !

Take me away from here, quickly !

Kiss me, kiss me !!

You're crazy !!

I've decided that every night will be like the one we just had

-You spend your nights in the restaurant - I'll sell it.

I'll change my life. It's now or never !

You're right....

But it's doing well, your restaurant....

It's a big success. You shouldn't....... ...all of a sudden.....

What are you going to do afterwards ?

I don't get it. Didn't you want me to get out of all this ?

Yeah, yeah, I was just saying that.......

Who is this ?

Your wife. I asked her to bring you clean clothes.

You did what ?

Good morning madam !

-There's a plate missing - Pardon me madam ?

Mrs Agutte's breakfast is missing. What does she usually have ?

I only know Mr Agutte

And his prostitutes

It's OK Francis. Thank you ! We have everything we need.

- Very well Sir - Hold on Francis

Do you think he no longer speaks of love because he's had me already ?

Does he love me or am I just another number in his phone book ?

Both, I hope !

Enough already Eva ! Your bag is full of condoms, lubricants ...

- ...and even a torn photo of a man! - Never tore a picture ?

- Yes, but I never glued it back. - We should have used a condom.

The torn picture is of my father, the one that I buried yesterday

- My condolences madam - It's OK, he was a bastard anyway

He had raped me

Yes ? Put her through !

- Who is this ? - Calm down ! It's my office !

Unbelievable ! You told them where you'd be !!

Mr Agutte is busy cheating on his wife right now. Please call later !

At the cemetery, I thought this would work.

- May I sleep here tonight ? -Of course my love !

-There'll be no questions and no answers -No questions and no answers

Just one question though.....

Why are you "on the edge of the abyss" ?

Are you HIV positive ?

- We'll never know - Is this your test ?

- Didn't you read it stupid ? -What for ? Strange looks from others...

...going to sleep in anguish....

...doing tests every 6 months, freak out with every shag ?

Fuck off Adrien ! It's negative !!

Negative, god damn it !!!

But be careful. It is just a test, not a license on a fuck spree.

We can have a child now

Don't start again

- This is Marie Agutte - Good evening Mrs Agutte

-I'm inviting you to a party at my place - That's very kind of you

- Sure..... - Tonight ?

- What are we celebrating ? - Andre' got fired by the Germans !

- And this calls for celebration ? - You're coming, right ?

- Of course.....I'll be there - Looking forward to seeing you

- What was this ? - Andre' got fired

And she's having a party ? Nice of her ! Andre' will die when he hears that

He knows, he was next to her, laughing like an idiot !

Queens are never shaken by anything !

- You'll come with me !! -No thanks! I'll stay out of this bullshit

I'm going to sleep

Great party ! You are absolute beautiful !

- Help yourselves, feel free! - Sure.

- Don't you have any poppers ? - Where did I put it ? It's there.....!

...with the condoms

- Very sexy ! - Help yourself !

- It's a hot scene in there ! - Really ?

- I'd rather not see it - What was this room ?

My husband's office. At least, now it's being used

Great !

Glad you came Adrien !

- This old bag wants to call the police! - Stop it, this is my sister.

- Very sexy !! - I heard screaming! Did they hurt you?

No Claire, these are my friends

Charming ! They look different !

-Go to bed. I'll explain it to you later - Sleep ? With all this noise ?

-I'm trying to save my marriage with this - And you've chosen the best way.

Alexandre is gay. I have no choice !

My dear, with you, any man would turn gay.

- Poppers ? - Yeah !

Do not touch !!

Excuse me !

Girlfriend, you came just in time! Come on in ! The party is right here.

Why are you dressed like that ? You got the wrong costume !

Go right in ! Go ! Enter !

Alex ! Don't stand over there ! Come, get yourself a drink !

It's a party for Andre'

Marie, what's goin' on here ?

I thought I should do it here. Thus, there's no need for your going out

Keep cool ! Next time we'll do an after party in the park.

- An after ? - At dawn, under the trees...

For our wedding anniversary ! It'll be romantic, right ?

- I haven't forgotten Marie - That's nice of you, Alex. Thanks !

They're so beautiful. I haven't forgotten either

What's the meaning of this ?

Emeralds highlight your eyes, darling

They'll look great with mascara.

What's wrong with you ? Do you think that I'm gay ?

Rest assured Alex ! I know everything already.

- Pardon me ? - Isn't this a gay travel guide ?

Yes, it is. I undestand them now. I have nothing against them.

After all Marie, we've spent 10 years making love. You know very well that ...

You do not know me Alex. You should have trusted me

You didn't need to lie to me. You're a coward

- I am a coward ? - Exactly ! You're a coward !!

Do you want the truth ? Do you really want to know the truth ?

- It won't be a news flash for me ! - I'm crazy about Eva

I love that woman much more than I ever loved you

What are you laughing at, poofter ?

-Asshole, don't touch my man ! - You go and play with your dolls !

Nothing for me ?

I have nothing against them, but enough is enough.

You're really sick ! But tell me, did you ever do it with animals ?

What's goin' on ? I hear no more screams out here ! Oh God, the altar boy !!

You want more of your treatment ?

- Yes Mistress, hit me. - You naughty girl.

Your departure party will be remembered

I haven't told you. I had a blood test and it was negative

Oh really ? So what ?

Oh shit ! I'm sorry !

We'll never talk again about this. OK ?

As you wish. I'll always be there for you

Her hair caught fire.

It's true ! She caught fire !

We're going to finish with this party. It's about time.

You're all busting my balls. Enough already !

- Alex get out ! - You've heard her mister, get out !

Wait ! Let's start all over again. We can adopt a child !

We need not wait for things to worsen, in order to have kids

Do you want to know something ? I don't want any kids, I never did !

- I'm not infertile - But that's what you told me

I'm taking the pill Alex. From the very first day

I'll quit my job tomorrow. I don't want to see you again Marie.

Neither at work nor in my bed.

BANK OF EUROPE

- To the airport - Alexandre !

Are you trying to restore people that you ruined, like the photo in your bag?

No....No !

I will not fall for that.

Please Alexandre. I have a very important thing to tell you.

What are you doing ? There's nothing to tell, nothing to destroy in my life

- What is it anyway ? Speak ! - Hurry up or you'll miss your plane

Go !

- What are you doing here ? - One of my meetings was cancelled

- I came to see you. - You shouldn't have. Here's my taxi

- Where are you going ? - None of your business !

Move !

Please wait here! Somebody will come to see you shortly

Is it his ? Are you sure ?

-Didn't you use a condom? Are you crazy? - I'm pregnant, that's what it counts

Eva if you do this, you might not get pregnant again, ever !

I don't want a child with no father, no family....

But he'll have a family ! I already love this baby !

He' ll miss nothing. He'll be well taken care of, loved, protected....

He'll have all that you didn't have !

Get lost Adrien !

Do not throw away this chance ! Stop destroying everything !

I never destroyed anybody. Men crush me, however.....Even you !

Your room is ready madam

This is my child ! Do not touch her !

Listen to me ! Let's talk about it ! Don't do it ! Miss this is a sin !

Ignore him ! He's hysterical ! Can't you see he's a faggot ?

- Is this true ? - Yes it is ! So what ?

Then, you're not the father

Why not ? Don't I look like a father ?

And who says that she's the mother ?

- Well, anyway..... - This is my child !

She's not well. For anything concerning the baby, you should talk to me!

- I do not want this abortion ! - The doctor is waiting for you

- Let's go - Hold on !

I'll fuck the doctor who will touch her !!

Have you understood ?

You too ?

Daddy is here !!

Now that he's received Devine Grace, it's the duty of the parents....

and the god-parents to illuminate his path into life....

....so that he remains an enlightened child....

...in the realm of our Faith

No, no ! No dolls and teddy bears !

I bought him a machine gun, he loves it. And bottle nipples like tits....

- What for ? - For his bottle !

-What a hot priest ! Did you pick him up? - Please, ladies and gentlemen....

Let's praise the Lord !

Excuse me, but I thought it would be nice if he were here too !

- I'm not disturbing, I hope ! -No ! It's the christening of Eva's son!

- Eva's and Adrien's son, actually ! - A miracle that I can never explain !

Haven't you noticed ? I'm pregnant too !

Cyril wants to name her Eva. We hope it'll be a girl.

A Jesus-like outfit never goes out of style.

Idiot ! Go light a candle !

- Hello Alexandre ! - You still remember my name ?

So, you toured the world ? Did you go everywhere ?

-I re-newed myself -You look well. What are you doing now?

Do you remember the plastic surgeon, Severine ? We're business partners

Skin lifting, dieting, body building....

- Take that from him immediately ! - What ? Oh my baby !

You cannot repress the instict, you know.....

One way or another, he'll take after one of you two !

What ! My son.....Gay ? Absolutely....NEVER !!

# If I have to choose, I'll say it clearly....

# and without hesitation, I am a boy ! (song by Mylene Farmer, 1987)

FUN AT EVA's PLACE or WHAT A DRAG ! English Subs by yavass January 2013