Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:14,889
If there's one thing I've learned
2
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,183
from this crazy mambo called life,
3
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:22,230
it's that anyone can be a birthday father,
but it takes a heart full of birthdays
4
00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:24,232
to be a true Birthday Dad.
5
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:31,865
There it is.
6
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:33,950
Please tell me you guys see that.
7
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,994
Oh! Loo... looks great! Uh, love it!
8
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,495
What's wrong with your face?
9
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,748
I just don't buy it,
Director Flea Daniels.
10
00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:43,668
That just doesn't look like the honest,
trustworthy face of a Birthday Dad.
11
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:44,586
What?
12
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:47,130
This is clearly the face
of a guy who did something terrible,
13
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,923
like, I don't know,
cheat on his girlfriend
14
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,633
with his ex-wife a couple of times,
15
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,053
and instead of confessing
to his girlfriend, asked her to marry him,
16
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,430
so now they're engaged,
and she still has no idea.
17
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,558
Can't you see he's racked with guilt?
It's all over his very handsome face!
18
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,810
Did Birthday Dad cheat on his girlfriend?
19
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,481
No, I'm just saying he looks like he did.
We have to re-edit the scene.
20
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:08,568
No. You've been dragging this out
with your ridiculous tweaks and demands
21
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:11,154
for what is the stupidest premise
I've ever seen.
22
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:14,032
I gotta go prep my next film,
The Diary of Anne Frankenstein.
23
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:17,160
- Birthday Dad is over.
- Huh? No, I'm over!
24
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:20,038
Over the moon about continuing to work
on this project!
25
00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:21,289
Go home.
26
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:25,210
Wha...
Hey, do you wanna keep hanging out?
27
00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:28,004
Let's go raid a greeting-card aisle
and come up with our next project!
28
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,966
Detective John GetWellSoon,
Officer Mike Condolences,
29
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,218
President Blank Inside!
30
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:34,928
Uh, I should probably get home to my baby.
31
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,388
Oh! Congrats on your new baby...
32
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,933
is another great idea for a movie!
33
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,103
Yeah. Sounds like fun.
34
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,679
Oh, Renata, I'm so sorry I'm late.
35
00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:00,889
Third time this week.
36
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:04,058
- I quit.
- Oh! No! Renata!
37
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:08,521
Who will take care of Natalie, or Needles,
or whatever her name ends up being?
38
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,023
{\an8}Would you stay if I named her Renata?
39
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:13,943
{\an8}I understand you are very respected
in your field, so I ask you this:
40
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,863
{\an8}would you work for a client
who has no regard for your time,
41
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:19,574
{\an8}your personal boundaries,
and your general well-being?
42
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,451
Yes, that's all my clients.
43
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:24,037
{\an8}Well, she is your client now.
44
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,622
{\an8}Good luck.
45
00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,960
Oh.
46
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:37,008
Come on.
47
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:42,388
Ooh, there ya go. There ya go.
48
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,229
Ooh.
49
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,377
Mommy's coming.
50
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,839
Okay. Nanny quits. No sweat.
51
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,717
It just so happens it's National
Take-Your-Infant-Daughter-To-Work...
52
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,552
While-You-Desperately-Try-
To-Hire-A-New-Nanny...
53
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,180
And-Neither-One-Of-You-Has-Slept-
A-Wink Day!
54
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,724
{\an8}That sounds fun.
I gotta go to a bunch of meetings today.
55
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,560
{\an8}-Or as I call it, Todd-day.
- Todd-day, yes, I'm aware.
56
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,354
- What meetings?
- After I got fired
57
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:35,525
from What Time Is It Right Now,
suddenly everyone else wanted to meet me.
58
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,694
That's marvelous!
Have fun failing upwards!
59
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,946
I always do!
60
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:46,077
{\an8}Come on.
61
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,920
Hey, there! Shh. Here ya go.
62
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:59,132
{\an8}Sorry, I can tell I'm interrupting
your meeting with David O. Russell,
63
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,300
{\an8}so I'll make this quick.
64
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,593
{\an8}I'm making a list of people
I need to apologize to.
65
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:03,678
- Oh?
- Yeah.
66
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:05,722
And I don't wanna waste your time
with another apology.
67
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:06,639
How thoughtful.
68
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,517
{\an8}But do you remember the name
of that assistant from, like, 20 years ago
69
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,437
{\an8}who I screamed at for bringing me
a room-temp Capri Sun
70
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,939
{\an8}and told to quit the business?
Whatever happened to that guy?
71
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,649
{\an8}Derek? I think he quit the business.
72
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,234
{\an8}So, I gave him good advice, then?
73
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,820
{\an8}Hey, what do you think of Riley
for a girl's name?
74
00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:23,156
No good. I slept with a Riley once.
Didn't end well.
75
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,824
- How about...
- Maybe you should not ask me
76
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,200
about any women's names.
77
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,502
- Ooh! Loud baby.
- Stuart!
78
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,546
I need you to clear my schedule
for the day.
79
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,382
My number one priority
is finding a new nanny.
80
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:45,136
Uh-huh. Also, I was supposed to remind you
about the Manatee Fair photo shoot
81
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,221
for the "Hollywoo Women
Who Do It All" issue.
82
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,931
Oh, yeah. When is that happening?
83
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,058
- Right now.
- What?
84
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,977
I was supposed to remind you yesterday.
85
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,981
Princess Carolyn, why am I not looking
at your pretty kitty face
86
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,942
at my photo shoot, so I can decide later
which parts to retouch?
87
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:04,322
- I don't think I can make it, Amanda.
- Too bad. Vanessa Gekko's here.
88
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:07,075
Gekko? Well, that's fine if Vanessa needs
to get the word out
89
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:09,660
about her struggling business,
but I'm too busy doing it all
90
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,080
to pose for a photo
of "Women Who Do It All."
91
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,707
Well, sure, I know that,
and you know that, but does the industry?
92
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,502
I've got two words for you: Karen Kitada.
93
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,004
The creator of Med School Nights?
94
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:23,383
Karen Kitada created
the number one show on network television
95
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,761
and its spin-off,
Med School Nights: The Day Shift.
96
00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:30,014
Everyone wanted to work with her,
everyone!
97
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,518
She had more overall deal offers
than an OshKosh B'gosh outlet.
98
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:36,229
- Then a baby fell out of her!- Well, that's...
99
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,147
She took three weeks off.
Three weeks!
100
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,817
And when she came back,
Tumbleweeds, Crickets...
101
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,611
And those are just two of the projects
she wasn't offered
102
00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:47,115
because the studios were dubious
about her priorities.
103
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:50,284
- Do you have the right priorities?
- Of course I do!
104
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,369
Then prove it!
105
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:54,831
Leave your work and get your picture taken
for my magazine.
106
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,583
If not for you, do it for Karen Kitada.
107
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,460
Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
108
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,674
Hello?
109
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,467
Todd, I have to go to a photo shoot.
110
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,511
I need you to take the baby
for an hour or so.
111
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,847
Well, you know
how much I love hanging out
112
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,850
with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project...
113
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:16,227
Sure, I'd be happy to.
114
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,479
Great. I'll see you at VIM in 15 minutes.
115
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,648
Um... okay?
116
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:23,985
Kitada, Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
117
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,695
How do you do it all?
118
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:29,115
I just think of myself as having multiple
apps running at the same time.
119
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:33,494
I have my mom app, and my career app,
and my wife app, and my yoga body app,
120
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,414
and they're all just constantly going,
all the time.
121
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:39,667
- Princess Carolyn.
- Amanda! Vanessa!
122
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:42,170
You've met my oldest, Yancy Charlemagne?
123
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,504
- 'Sup.
- Charmed.
124
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,798
And where is your little precious ball
of wonderful?
125
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,633
I didn't know we were supposed
to bring our kids.
126
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,178
It's a photo shoot
for "Women Who Do It All."
127
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,389
The kids are part of the "All,"
otherwise we'd just be "Women Who Do."
128
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,061
- Hello?
- Todd. Change of plans.
129
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,521
Kitada, Kitada...
130
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,232
Come on. Shh. Please, not now.
131
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,318
And who is this adorable pin cushion?
132
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,862
I haven't even had a spare minute
to think of a name.
133
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,030
It's a lot of pressure.
134
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,324
I don't want my daughter to resent me
for the rest of her life
135
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,451
because I named her
something stupid like...
136
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,077
Light Socket.
137
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,205
- Aw...
- Don't listen to her, Light Socket.
138
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,457
- She's just jealous.
- Uh-oh. Sorry!
139
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,251
And what have you been working on
that's been keeping you so busy?
140
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,171
We just locked picture on Birthday Dad
with Mr. Peanutbutter.
141
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,507
That sounds awfully masculine.
142
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,467
- Dad, mister...
- Nut?
143
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,220
- Pean?
- Right, but I'm producing it, so...
144
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,597
Strong independent woman. Doing it all.
145
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,849
Oh, it sounds like you're doing-it-all
for yourself,
146
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:40,436
but the new doing it all
is doing it all for other women.
147
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:44,524
Oh, yeah, well, the twist
about Birthday Dad is the women
148
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,526
have equal screen time to the men
in the movie,
149
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,402
and the same number of birthdays!
150
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:51,572
- Very subversive.
- Less man. More Leslie Mann.
151
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,866
Cut out what you need to.
If it makes sense, that's a bonus.
152
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:54,951
Gotta go!
153
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,995
Ladies, we have got to find time
to connect like this more often.
154
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,747
This is so empowering.
155
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,208
We could put together
a kind of low-key salon
156
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:05,002
where women exchange ideas
and support each other.
157
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:05,920
With bagels!
158
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:09,882
I'd be more than happy to host,
and take care of the caterer, and emcee.
159
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,175
You know, it all!
160
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,427
- I'll co-host!
- In that case, why not blow it out?
161
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,887
- Let's make it an event.
- Oh, well...
162
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:19,308
Princess Carolyn, VIM has that massive
foyer that never has anyone waiting in it.
163
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:22,144
- You could finally put it to use!
- We could.
164
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,563
Move that. That's too close to the wall.
165
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,440
And I happen to know the Fugees
have been looking for the right time
166
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,818
to do a reunion concert.
167
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,945
Should I call Lauryn? Hill?
I call her Lauryn.
168
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:34,073
A concert? Well, that'll take some time
to put together.
169
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:37,159
Bring it on a little bit. Move it up
a quarter of an inch. Do you mind?
170
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:40,162
Since it's on your turf,
I'll focus on the big-picture stuff
171
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,665
and leave all the organization
and planning to you.
172
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:45,334
- I wouldn't wanna step on your toes.
- We wouldn't want that.
173
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,129
- Thanks for stepping up, Princess Carolyn.
- Uh-huh...
174
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:51,507
Okay! Watch the birdie!
One, two, three!
175
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:02,018
Kitada, Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
176
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:06,022
Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
177
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,400
Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
178
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,945
Do it for Karen Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
179
00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:15,489
Do it for Karen Kitada...
180
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,532
Ah!
181
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,594
Hello?
182
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:38,387
Just wanted to give you
a super quick update
183
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,098
on all the dietary restrictions
for the Do-It-Al-Ball.
184
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,975
It's a ball now?
185
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,685
A ball, a gala,
whatever you wanna call it.
186
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,520
It was just supposed to be a bagels.
187
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:50,066
Bagels. Balls. Is this really the Lauryn
you want to die on?
188
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,319
- What?
- Sorry, I meant hill. I call her Lauryn.
189
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,238
Maybe I should call you back
when I can write this down.
190
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,115
- I'm...
- The Fugees are in, and they love fruit,
191
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,409
especially Fuji apples,
but they're not fans of Fiji water.
192
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,703
- Fuji for the Fugees, but no Fiji.
- Got it.
193
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:06,791
Marian is a vegetarian, Meagan is vegan,
and Carrie and a few other luminaries,
194
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:09,251
like Gerwig and Larson, won't eat dairy.
195
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,754
Cloister the oysters,
say ta-ta to the tartare,
196
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,048
make sure there's no feta for Greta
or brie for Brie!
197
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:17,009
Perfect. Is that a fussy baby I hear?
198
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,428
Here's a little trick I learned.
199
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,813
Kitada, Kitada, Kitada...
200
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:32,900
Diane, hey!
Look, now isn't really the best time.
201
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,860
I came up with a bunch more
great baby names
202
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,779
while I was interviewing
this boring senator.
203
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,280
- Huh?
- Okay, but...
204
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,241
Jacinda, like the New Zealand
prime minister
205
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,617
who had a baby while in office.
206
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,995
Or what about Ravital,
which is Hebrew for an abundance of dew.
207
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,164
Is it weird I haven't picked a name yet?
208
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,374
Ah! Don't worry about it.
209
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:51,961
My parents didn't name me until I was four
and I turned out great, right?
210
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,755
- Right?
- Listen, I gotta go. Bye!
211
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,882
Wait! What about Lucretia?
212
00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,010
So, you were saying your wife
went missing in this wheat field?
213
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,972
Oh, there she is!
214
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,516
Move the vase over there.
Those flowers are dead.
215
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,313
Princess Carolyn, the band changed
their mind about the apples.
216
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,775
They'd prefer sweeter ones for this event.
But they're okay with Fiji if it's frigid.
217
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,110
Okay, I follow so far.
218
00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:20,197
For this gala, Gala apples over Fuji
for the Bee Gees... I mean, Fugees.
219
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,408
But we have to keep their Fujis frigid.
220
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,285
- Got it.
- No, their Fijis frigid.
221
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,536
Right. That's what I meant.
222
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:29,707
Also, it turns out Marian is pescatarian,
and Meagan is no longer vegan,
223
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:32,334
but she is refusing to sit
next to Chrissy Teigen.
224
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,253
And now Carrie eats just dairy.
225
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,881
Okay. Marian - pescatarian.
Meagan - not vegan,
226
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,007
but does hate Teigen.
227
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,176
Carrie loves dairy. Got it.
228
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,637
Gala for the gala,
but Fugees like Fiji and frigid Fuji...
229
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,390
Fiji! Fish!
230
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,851
Oh, you think that's funny?
231
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:53,522
And how's my favorite client?
232
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,566
It's me. I stole Mr. Peanutbutter's phone.
233
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,319
I had to... Wait. Is Mr. Peanutbutter
your favorite client?
234
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,196
Let's circle back on that.
What's goin' on?
235
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:03,324
Your "favorite client" just showed up
at my rehab
236
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,159
- for the friends and family meeting.
- The what?
237
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:08,287
Not important. But can you please
come collect your "favorite client"?
238
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,372
Yeah. Hang tight.
239
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:15,795
- Okay.
- Thanks.
240
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,547
Fuji koojee koojee, Greta feta, Brie brie.
241
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,925
Oh, hi, Brie... I-I mean, Flea.
242
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:24,470
- What did you do to my film?
- We had to make some edits.
243
00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:27,348
You mixed all the flashbacks together
with the present-day scenes,
244
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:32,561
the relationships are incomprehensible,
we don't even know how Birthday Dad dies!
245
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,188
Audiences are sophisticated.
246
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,273
We don't need to spell everything out
for them.
247
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:40,194
It's 42 minutes long, and it ends
in the middle of a sentence!
248
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,905
- Leaving room for a sequel!
- I ain't got time for this.
249
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,782
I'm prepping a sensitive
coming-of-age movie
250
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:46,075
about a young girl in hiding,
251
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,245
built out of the reanimated corpses
of other young girls in hiding.
252
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:54,625
In spite of everything, me still believe
people good, fire bad!
253
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:56,502
Not now, Chloë Grace.
254
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,170
So, Birthday Dad needs another pass.
255
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,589
- You can still...
- No. Deuces. I'm outta here.
256
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:04,009
As the Nazi scientists learn
in my new film that I'm just now realizing
257
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,679
is in possibly poor taste,
there are only so many times
258
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:09,265
you can take something apart
and put it back together.
259
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,977
{\an8}Put itback together, put it back together...
260
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,645
Gala for the gala. Fugees...
261
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:17,439
- So here I am, digging a hole...
- Fiji... Oh, excuse me.
262
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,234
I have to pick up my Peanutbutter
at Pastiches
263
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:22,486
and get back to Fiji for the Bee Gees...
264
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,321
I mean Fuji for the Mujis.
265
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,783
Your arm looks pretty ripped up.
Is that all from needles?
266
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,326
Yeah, my baby's needles.
267
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:32,413
Uh, listen, we're about to go
have some chamomile tea
268
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:35,416
and do a little guided meditation.
Why don't you join us?
269
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:38,294
Well, I guess a quick break couldn't hurt.
270
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,432
Hey.
271
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,475
Hey.
272
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,936
Hey, you okay?
You've been asleep for a really long time.
273
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,146
Huh? What?
274
00:14:57,229 --> 00:15:00,232
Why am I here? Mr. Peanutbutter?
275
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,238
- Birthday Dad is over.
- Huh? No, I'm over!
276
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:09,116
Over the moon about continuing to work
on this project!
277
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,951
Go home.
278
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,913
And I was like,
"Ilana, you have to be my maid of honor."
279
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,039
Um...
280
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:17,791
And then my other friend Ilana was like,
"Were you talking to me?"
281
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:21,670
Typical Other Ilana, always assuming
she's the Ilana I'm talking about.
282
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,964
Okay.
283
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,591
Hello, darling!
284
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:28,636
He's home, he's home,
he's home, he's home, he's home!
285
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,304
Say hi to the Pickle Pack, Mister!
286
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:31,764
Hello, internet!
287
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:34,266
Keep up the good work
with all those charming memes!
288
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,727
I love the one where the boyfriend
is looking at the other lady
289
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:40,648
and his girlfriend turns to him
with this expression of tremendous pain.
290
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:44,693
How could this man, who claims
to love her, betray her so flagrantly?
291
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,445
That is a very sad meme.
292
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,490
Uh... okay. Bye, Pickle Pack!
293
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,742
- What is going on?
- What do you mean?
294
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:52,826
You've been acting different.
295
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,954
I first noticed it the night
of the Philbert premiere,
296
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,456
when you came home late
smelling like Diane,
297
00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,500
and then after a while,
things went back to normal.
298
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:02,044
But then you got real weird again
right around that time
299
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,337
BoJack went to rehab.
300
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:07,466
Right before you proposed that day,
you also smelled like Diane.
301
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,093
- Oh, my God. I get what's happening.
- Pickles...
302
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,428
- You feel guilty.
- You're right.
303
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:14,556
- I feel so guilty because I chea...
- Because your good friend's in rehab.
304
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,018
Chiefly feel guilty because
my good friend's in rehab, like you said.
305
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,311
Why don't you go visit him
306
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,438
if this is the thing
that's been weighing on you.
307
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,565
It is. The one thing.
308
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,362
BoJack Horseman...
309
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,948
- ...and Mr. Peanutbutter in the same room?
- Oh, God, no.
310
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:32,533
- This can't be happening. Um...
- What is this?
311
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:34,368
Hello! Are you here
for the friends and family meeting?
312
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:35,411
- No...
- You're the first friend
313
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,746
- that BoJack's invited.
- I don't even remember getting invited.
314
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,415
- I did not invite...
- I'm proud of you, BoJack.
315
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,125
- Hey, I'm Doctor Champ.
- Mr. Peanutbutter.
316
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,543
Hey! Your name's Mister?
317
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,461
- My name's Doctor!
- How about that!
318
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:47,589
Wait, is Doctor Champ just your name?
Are you not a doctor?
319
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,174
Five-minute warning everyone.
Five minutes.
320
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,176
Come on, BoJack,
let's get some good seats!
321
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,553
We're sitting in a circle.
322
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,346
They're all good seats.
323
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:59,560
How can I make up for all the lies,
the stealing, the cheating?
324
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:04,148
She says we can make a fresh start,
but is that even possible?
325
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,274
Hmm...
326
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,735
I'm sorry, can we go back to the cheating?
Did you tell her about that?
327
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,529
Oh, Mr. Peanutbutter, we don't interrupt
when others are sharing.
328
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:12,197
Just looking for a little context.
329
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,575
Why don't you go looking in your car?
Maybe you left it there.
330
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,827
BoJack, don't interrupt
Mr. Peanutbutter, he's sharing.
331
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,163
- No. But he...
- But, but, but. Butts are for cigarettes.
332
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,247
Thank you, Doctor Champ.
333
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,751
As I was saying, I think Doug
needs to be honest with his wife
334
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,044
before they can move forward.
335
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,796
- Mmm.
- You're right. I need to tell her.
336
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,215
But on the other hand,
maybe that's just your guilt talking.
337
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,885
Isn't it sometimes better to let
sleeping dogs lie?
338
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,344
I-I assume your fiancée is a dog?
339
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,305
She's my wife, and she's human.
340
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:40,100
Okay, so your fiancée.
Let's say her name is... Pickles.
341
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,226
- Wait, uh...
- She doesn't know,
342
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,519
and she's happy not knowing.
343
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,272
Wouldn't telling her now
just cause additional pain?
344
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:48,108
- Uh-huh.
- So, it's better not to tell her?
345
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,153
Oh, well, that's really convenient
for you, Doug!
346
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,697
- No, I didn't...
- Hey, everyone, look at "Doug"
347
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,157
deciding that the best option
348
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,910
just happens to be the one
where he doesn't get in trouble!
349
00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,746
- Mr. Peanutbutter...
- But that's just Doug all over, isn't it?
350
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:04,291
Classic, stupid, selfish,
inconsiderate Doug!
351
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,338
Wow. Those are harsh words.
352
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:12,674
But I needed to hear them. Thank you.
353
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,551
Uh...
354
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,183
Look, I don't know
what's going on with you,
355
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:24,103
although I'm pretty sure either you
or Doug cheated on Pickles,
356
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:28,649
but I understand that feeling of needing
to bottle up your guilt,
357
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:29,858
not burden other people with it.
358
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,361
- Yeah?
- You think you're protecting them
359
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:36,740
from your toxicity, you convince yourself
that you're being selfless, but...
360
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:41,120
it comes out in other ways
and it infects everything.
361
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,998
I could use a drink.
Is there a bar in here?
362
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:51,213
So, then I said, "No. It's rehab."
And then he left. That was two days ago.
363
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,882
Two days ago? Oh, my God, the gala!
364
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,010
Yeah, and you're probably worried
about your baby, too, right?
365
00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:58,762
Oh, my God, my baby!
366
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,684
Come on, Todd.
Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.
367
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,603
Hey! I was wondering if I'd hear
from you Todd-day.
368
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:11,191
Yes-Todd-Day, I thought,
"Maybe I'll hear from her Todd-morrow!"
369
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,235
Is Untitled Princess Carolyn Project okay?
370
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,195
- She sure is.
- Oh, thank God.
371
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:18,574
Wait, you're talking about
Untitled Princess Carolyn Project,
372
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:19,992
the baby, right?
373
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,743
Who else would I be talking about?
374
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:22,744
Well...
375
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:27,457
- Mr. Knickerbocker will see you now.
- Great!
376
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:29,668
Oh, hold on one second.
377
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:30,669
Hello?
378
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:32,462
Todd, I have to go to a photo shoot.
379
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,548
I need you to take the baby
for an hour or so.
380
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:39,136
Well, you know how much I love hanging out
with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project,
381
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:40,429
but I can't Todd-day
382
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,264
because of all these meetings I have.
383
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:45,893
But if my schedule weren't so busy,
I'd say...
384
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,645
"Sure, I'd be happy to."
385
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:51,190
Great. I'll see you at VIM in 15 minutes.
386
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,442
Um... okay?
387
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:56,361
- I'll be right back.
- Sorry about that.
388
00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,990
- Hello?
- Todd, change of plans.
389
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,701
Bring the baby over to me
at SmashFox Studios.
390
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:06,788
Okay, he had to cancel another meeting
but he will see you now.
391
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,790
I'll be right back.
392
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,584
I'm going to level with you, Todd.
393
00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:14,254
You making me wait made me angry,
and that made me respect you.
394
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,257
Sorry, things have just been a little
hectic since I've been helping out
395
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,384
with Untitled Princess Carolyn Project.
396
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,638
"Untitled Princess Carolyn Project"?
I'm intrigued.
397
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:26,558
- You think the project has legs?
- Yeah, she has legs.
398
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,477
I'm thrilled to meet you.
399
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,980
The whole town is buzzing
about "Untitled Princess Carolyn Project."
400
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,857
Weird, but okay.
401
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,234
We need something big.
402
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:36,777
Is "Untitled Princess Carolyn Project"
403
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,528
the kind of thing
that makes a lot of noise?
404
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:39,696
She sure does!
405
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,198
I'm in. Name your price.
406
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,574
Um...
407
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,076
Jonathan?
408
00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:46,995
We took a big swing
with Dick Wolf's Milwaukee shows.
409
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,873
Turns out audiences are not interested
in a whole night of Milwaukee,
410
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:51,625
so now we've got some slots to fill.
411
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:54,419
Do you think
"Untitled Princess Carolyn Project"
412
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,088
could live for several seasons?
413
00:20:56,171 --> 00:21:00,217
I don't see how those things are related,
but I certainly hope so!
414
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,427
- Well, how can I help?
- You wanna help?
415
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,763
Let's start with a two-season pick up.
416
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:08,642
Yeah, sure, pick-up, drop-off,
whatever works best for you.
417
00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:10,352
- That would be great.
- Great!
418
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,356
Well, here she is.
What time do you want me to pick her up?
419
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,275
Wait, it's a baby?
420
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,027
And she has legs!
421
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,571
I already canceled
Milwaukee Waste Management.
422
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:24,241
I told the shareholders
this was gonna save the network!
423
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:26,702
{\an8}-We designed the poster!
424
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:30,330
Todd, we need a show. We can't air a baby!
425
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:34,876
So, long story short,
Pinky canceled the baby,
426
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,586
but now we owe him a TV show.
427
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:38,046
Huh?
428
00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:42,134
So, the show is called Birthday Dad.
429
00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:47,347
The pilot was directed by Flea Daniels,
and the show will be run by Karen Kitada.
430
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:50,517
The creator of Med School Nights?
And Med School Nights: The New Class,
431
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,102
Med School Nights Goes to Law School?
432
00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:53,645
- Uh...
- This show's about a dad
433
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,105
who died on his birthday,
434
00:21:55,188 --> 00:21:58,275
and every episode,
his spirit visits a different
435
00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:01,320
intersectionally representative person
on their birthday
436
00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:03,530
to help them work
through their own issues.
437
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:06,950
But how are all these characters related?
When does the show take place?
438
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,452
How does Birthday Dad die?
439
00:22:08,535 --> 00:22:10,787
Those are mysteries we'll tease
all season!
440
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,582
- Uh-huh.
- Birthday Dad, you'll laugh, you'll cry,
441
00:22:13,665 --> 00:22:15,584
- you'll Birthday Dad!
- What do you think?
442
00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:19,296
Yeah, like I said, we'll take anything.
443
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:25,552
- Yeah?
- Hey.
444
00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:28,180
Um, so, I don't wanna waste any more
of your time.
445
00:22:28,263 --> 00:22:30,515
I just wanted to say that I know
you're really busy
446
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:35,479
and I'm sorry for making your life
more difficult this week and also always.
447
00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:39,358
Also, I know that my apologies
are pretty much meaningless at this point,
448
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:40,609
and I'm sorry for that, too.
449
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:44,696
Why didn't you tell me
about the Friends and Family Meetings?
450
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:47,449
I don't know. You got so much goin' on,
I didn't wanna bother you.
451
00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,159
I would have come.
452
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:53,080
Okay. Thank you.
453
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:59,044
Did I miss it?
Is the Do-It-All-Ball all done?
454
00:22:59,336 --> 00:23:01,922
Yes. We did it all.
Good of you to show up, by the way.
455
00:23:02,005 --> 00:23:05,092
Oh, yeah? Well, it's good of you to, uh...
456
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,760
Shut up!
457
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:12,349
Are you okay?
You're not your usual medium-clever self.
458
00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:14,518
Can I ask you something?
459
00:23:15,185 --> 00:23:18,897
So, there's work, right?
I mean, work makes sense to me.
460
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:20,065
And I'm good at it.
461
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:25,195
I don't feel that way about my baby.
462
00:23:25,529 --> 00:23:29,574
I don't think
I'm feeling what I'm supposed to feel.
463
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,326
What I thought I would feel.
464
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,995
I mean, I love her, of course I do.
465
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:37,624
Of course I love my daughter.
But...
466
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:42,546
But I don't know if I love her.
467
00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:45,841
I know I'm a terrible person
for even thinking it,
468
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:49,469
but... what if it never happens?
469
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:54,516
Do you love all your clients' projects?
470
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:56,726
- Of course.
- No, you don't.
471
00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:58,645
But you take care of them
and you keep them alive
472
00:23:58,728 --> 00:24:00,814
- because that's your job, right?
- Yeah.
473
00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:02,441
So, now you've got a new job.
474
00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:05,735
And it is a ruthless one,
and I mean ruthless.
475
00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:08,738
You don't have time to waste
second-guessing how you feel about it.
476
00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:11,241
You just have to do it
the best that you can,
477
00:24:11,324 --> 00:24:12,951
and know that that's the best you can do.
478
00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:17,664
You know,
we have so much in common.
479
00:24:17,747 --> 00:24:20,792
I don't know why we've spent
so many years hating each other.
480
00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:23,003
I never hated you. Did you hate me?
481
00:24:23,086 --> 00:24:24,921
Uh... no.
482
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:32,053
Hey. Hey. Please. Listen.
483
00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,723
Did you get the Fijis for the Fugees?
484
00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:37,225
Yeah. Is that silly?
485
00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:41,062
The Fugees were egregious
when they got interviewed by Regis.
486
00:24:44,399 --> 00:24:46,109
Isn't that right...
487
00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,987
Ruthie?
40805
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof