Original subtitles

*

(woman) YOU OKAY?

I'M THINKING.

THINKING'S NOT GONNA GET YOU TO THE TOP.

MOM, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ENCOURAGING ME.

NO, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE COACHING YOU.

THE SLOWER YOU GO THE MORE TIRED YOU'RE GONNA GET.

THERE'S A HOLD ABOUT A FOOT ABOVE YOU ON THE LEFT.

I KNOW.

NICE GRAB.

KEEP GOING, YOU'RE ALMOST THERE, BABE.

I CAN'T. MY CALF'S CRAMPING.

YOU NEED TO GET OFF YOUR TOES.

GET ON THE BALL OF YOUR FOOT.

- I CAN'T. - YES, YOU CAN.

YOU CAN GET ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP.

[grunting]

IT'S OKAY, I GOT YOU.

- YOU ALL RIGHT? - LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE WRONG.

YEAH, BUT YOU DID AWESOME.

THAT'S THE HIGHEST YOU'VE GOTTEN.

- I'M PROUD OF YOU. - I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

OKAY, COME ON DOWN.

MOM?

[breathing unsteadily]

MOM, ARE YOU OKAY?

OH, GOD.

AAH!

(man) ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

MY ARM-- I THINK I BROKE IT.

- DON'T MOVE. - GOD, JANE, I'M SO SORRY.

WHAT HAPPENED? DID THE ROPE BREAK? - NO.

MY HANDS...

I CAN'T MOVE THEM.

[Massive Attack's Teardrop]

*

SHE'S BEEN TO AN ORTHO,

TWO NEUROS, AND AN IMMUNOLOGIST.

NONE OF THE TREATMENTS HAVE HAD ANY EFFECT.

- YOU THINK IT'S OVER? - IT'S GETTING WORSE.

LAST NEUROLOGIST FOUND INTERMITTENT NUMBNESS

IN BOTH ARMS AS WELL AS THE HAND PARALYSIS.

I MEANT THE GAME.

YOU THINK HE'S GONNA KEEP ALL FOUR OF US?

HE SAID HE WOULD.

NO SIGN OF UPPER MOTOR NEURON INVOLVEMENT.

HE LIES.

MY EARS ARE BURNING.

TELL 'EM YOU'RE DONE FIRING PEOPLE.

WELL, IF I LIE...

THAT WOULD BE LITTLE REASSURANCE.

DR. KUTNER,

WHO TOLD YOU THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA

TO PUT UP SUPERFICIAL REPRESENTATIONS

OF A HYPOCRITICAL SEASON

CELEBRATING A MYTHICAL FIGURE?

IT WASN'T ME.

HE LIED.

HOMEY KNOWS BETTER,

HYMIE DOESN'T CARE,

AND HUNTINGTON'S WOULD HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB.

I DON'T HAVE HUNTINGTON'S.

(House) THAT YOU KNOW OF.

- WHY WOULD YOU-- - BECAUSE I GOT SUED

WHEN I CALLED YOU "HONEYBUNS."

AM I FIRED IF I PUT UP--

THE POINT OF THE GAME WAS TO SCARE US.

TELLING US IT'S OVER ISN'T SCARY.

THEREFORE HE HAS NO REASON TO SAY THAT

UNLESS IT'S TRUE.

GOOD.

THEN CAN WE DO A SECRET SANTA?

I LIKED YOU BETTER 15 SECONDS AGO

WHEN YOU WERE AFRAID FOR YOUR JOB.

SO WHO'S SICK?

35-YEAR-OLD SINGLE MOM.

IT'S AN ODD PRESENTATION OF PARALYSIS.

IS THERE ANY HISTORY OF DRUG USE? - NO.

SHE SAYS THERE'S NO HISTORY.

SHE'S NOT A LIAR.

OKAY, THIS IS GONNA BE A TOUGH CASE.

I HAVE ALMOST NO KNOWLEDGE OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY.

EVERYONE LIES, BUT THERE'S AN EXCEPTION TO EVERY RULE.

ACTUALLY, THERE ISN'T.

THAT'S KINDA WHAT MAKES IT A RULE.

THE PATIENT'S MOTHER DIED OF BREAST CANCER

WHEN SHE WAS SEVEN.

SHE NEVER EVEN KNEW HER MOM WAS SICK.

SHE PROMISED HERSELF

SHE WOULD NEVER HIDE ANYTHING FROM HER OWN DAUGHTER.

OH, I DIDN'T KNOW SHE PROMISED.

AND WE'RE NOT HER DAUGHTER.

THE PATIENT INHERITED THE BRCA1 MUTATION

FROM HER MOM.

SHE GOT A PROPHYLACTIC DOUBLE MASTECTOMY TEN YEARS AGO.

SHE LIED ABOUT IT.

SHE TOLD HER CO-WORKERS. SHE TOLD HER KID.

SHE LIED TO THE WORLD.

RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY IS DESIGNED TO CONVINCE PEOPLE--

SHE DIDN'T GET RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY.

(Kutner) OKAY, WE CAN RULE OUT BREAST CANCER.

ACTUALLY, I WAS GONNA RULE IT IN.

PARALYSIS COULD BE PARANEOPLASTIC.

EVEN THE BEST SURGEON CAN'T REMOVE

EVERY CELL OF BREAST TISSUE.

MRI WHAT'S LEFT OF HER CHEST.

SET THE MACHINE TO SCAN FOR IRONY.

I'M GONNA GO REDO THE PATIENT HISTORY.

YOUR MOM TELL YOU ABOUT ALL THE DRUGS SHE DOES?

SHE SMOKES POT ONCE IN A WHILE,

BUT NOT IN A LONG TIME.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

HOW WOULD THAT MAKE HER SICK?

ARE YOU A DOCTOR?

I'M 11.

THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER.

THAT'S AN EVASION.

LIKE DRINKING?

YOU EVER SNEAK A DRINK?

I DON'T DO ANY OF THAT STUFF. IT'S BAD FOR YOU.

I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON'T WANT YOUR MOM TO KNOW.

- BUT I'M HER DOCTOR, SO-- - I WOULD TELL MY MOM.

- AND I WOULD TELL YOU. - WHY?

BECAUSE SHE WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME.

WHAT'S HER FAVORITE WAY TO HAVE SEX?

I DON'T GET WHAT SEX HAS TO DO WITH BREAST CANCER.

ARE YOU A DOCTOR?

DID YOU GO TO MED SCHOOL SINCE THE LAST TIME I ASKED?

YOU JUST THINK WE'VE GOT TO BE LYING TO--

- WHITE LIES? - WHAT ARE THOSE?

THOSE ARE LIES WE TELL

TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FEEL BETTER.

I DON'T LIE.

- RATIONALIZATIONS? - WHAT ARE THOSE?

THOSE ARE LIES WE TELL TO MAKE OURSELVES FEEL BETTER.

NO. WE--

LIES OF OMISSION?

SADDLE BRONC OR DOGGIE?

THAT'S SEX TALK.

SHE USED TO LIKE BEING ON TOP.

BUT NOW SHE LIKES TO BE ON HER STOMACH.

THAT WAY SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO SEE THEM

LOOKING AT HER SCARS.

[Frank Sinatra's Hark! The Herald Angels Sing]

IT'S CHILD ABUSE.

HONESTY?

THERE'S A REASON THAT EVERYBODY LIES--

IT WORKS.

IT'S WHAT ALLOWS SOCIETY TO FUNCTION.

IT'S WHAT SEPARATES MAN FROM BEAST.

OH, I THOUGHT THAT WAS OUR THUMBS.

YOU WANNA KNOW EVERY PLACE YOUR MOM'S THUMB HAS BEEN?

I'M SORRY, I MISSED REHEARSAL.

AM I TAKING THE "TRUTH IS GOOD" SIDE?

DON'T YOU USUALLY TAKE THAT PART?

LIES ARE A TOOL TO BE USED EITHER FOR GOOD...

NO, WAIT. I GOT A BETTER ONE.

LIES ARE LIKE CHILDREN.

HARD WORK, BUT THEY'RE WORTH IT,

BECAUSE THE FUTURE DEPENDS ON 'EM.

YOU ARE SO FULL OF LOVE... OR SOMETHING.

WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE--

YOU LIE TO THEM!

YOU PRETEND THAT THEIR CONSTANT PONDEROUS MUSINGS

ARE INTERESTING.

YOU TELL THEM THAT THEY'RE NOT LOSING

THEIR BOYISH GOOD LOOKS

OR BECOMING WORN OUT AND--

I STAND CORRECTED.

AND MAY I SAY IT'S BEEN A REAL PLEASURE

CHATTING WITH YOU.

AXILLA'S CLEAN. SURGICAL MARGINS LOOK CLEAR.

NO LYMPHADENOPATHY, NO MASSES, NO NOTHING.

IT'S NOT CANCER.

(House) WE NEED A NEW THEORY.

- YOU CATCH HER LYING? - NOT YET.

WOULDN'T "NO" HAVE BEEN A SHORTER ANSWER?

WOULDN'T YOU NOT TALKING HAVE MADE THIS

A SHORTER CONVERSATION?

KID SAYS MOM'S A SLUT.

SHE CALLED HER MOM A SLUT?

NO, I CALLED HER MOM A SLUT.

SHE JUMPS ANYTHING WITH A POLE AND A PULSE.

NOT THAT I'M JUDGING HERE.

GIVEN HER MEDICAL HISTORY, I'M ACTUALLY IMPRESSED.

MAGGIE ALREADY ADMITTED TO HAVING MULTIPLE SEXUAL PARTNERS,

WHICH IS WHY WE ALREADY TESTED FOR

AND RULED OUT SYPHILIS AND ANY OTHER STD

THAT COULD HAVE CAUSED HER SYMPTOMS.

STDs AREN'T THE ONLY RISK IN RISKY SEX.

THE PROBLEM IN SLEEPING WITH STRANGERS IS

THEY'RE STRANGE.

WE'LL FOLLOW UP WITH ANY RECENT PARTNERS.

SEND FOREMAN AND TAUB. THEY'RE BETTER LIARS.

MORE LIKELY TO GET TO THE TRUTH.

(man) YOU THINK I DRUGGED HER?

USE A COASTER.

WE'RE NOT COPS.

LEGALLY, WE DON'T CARE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

BUT WE NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH SO WE CAN HELP HER.

I'D KNOWN HER FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR,

AND SHE OFFERED TO TAKE ME HOME.

THERE WAS NO NEED TO DRUG HER.

[chuckles]

NOT THAT I WOULD.

SHE'S GONNA BE OKAY, RIGHT?

AS LONG AS SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO PICK UP OR HOLD ANYTHING.

YEAH.

SORRY, I JUST HAD THE FLOORS DONE.

RECLAIMED PINE.

YOU ALWAYS THIS THIRSTY?

I DON'T KNOW.

WATER'S SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD FOR YOU, RIGHT?

DEHYDRATION, ANXIETY,

- AGGRESSION... - I'M NOT AGGRESSIVE.

SPASTIC CHOREA IN HIS RIGHT HAND.

WHAT ABOUT MY HAND?

HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH? ABOUT 180, 190?

180. WHAT IS THE--

IF YOU TOOK WHAT SHE DID,

IT COULD TAKE LONGER TO HIT YOU.

IT MIGHT AFFECT YOU DIFFERENTLY.

BUT YOU DIDN'T GIVE HER ANYTHING...RIGHT?

SHE WAS REALLY DRUNK.

I JUST GAVE HER SOME "E"

TO HELP ENHANCE THINGS.

HAVE ANY OF IT LEFT?

IS MY HAND GONNA BE OKAY?

(Taub) THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.

WE LIED.

I'VE HAD A SORE THROAT FOR A FEW DAYS NOW.

MY STOMACH'S ALSO BEEN BOTHERING ME.

I THINK MY GLANDS ARE SWOLLEN.

SAINT NICHOLAS?

PATRON SAINT OF CHILDREN.

ALSO SEAMEN, MERCHANTS, ARCHERS,

PROSTITUTES, AND PRISONERS.

HMM, MUST'VE BEEN PRETTY HARD-WORKING.

OR JUST A CREDIT HOG.

OPEN WIDE.

- SAY AHH. - AHH...

YOU HAVE STREP.

IS IT CONTAGIOUS?

ONLY FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS,

AS LONG AS YOU TAKE THE ANTIBIOTICS.

HOW CONTAGIOUS?

TAKE A PERSONAL DAY.

I CAN'T.

I'LL WRITE YOUR PIMP A NOTE.

MY PIMP?

YOU'RE TESTED FOR AIDS EVERY THREE MONTHS,

AND YOUR NECKLACE.

PROSTITUTES WEAR RELIGIOUS SYMBOLS.

I THINK THEY JUST LIKE KNEELING.

YOU DON'T HAVE THE SKIN OF A SEAMAN,

THE FINGERS OF AN ARCHER, THE CLOTHES OF A MERCHANT,

OR THE ATTITUDE OF AN EX-CON.

SO IT JUST LEAVES ONE LEFT.

TWO, ACTUALLY.

BUT I'M NOT A CHILD, AM I?

[Felix Gross' Love For Christmas]

*

* WELL, GIVE ME YOUR LOVE, BABY *

YOU OWE ME 50 BUCKS.

THEN YOU OWE ME HALF A LAP DANCE.

IT'S FOR THE NURSES' HOLIDAY BONUS.

I KNOW YOU GOT THE MEMO.

I GOT THE MEMO LAST YEAR.

I WANT TO HIRE 40 MORE FELLOWS.

YOU ALREADY FIRED THE ONES YOU HIRED?

THEY WORK BETTER WHEN THEY'RE SCARED.

YOU WERE RIGHT. GUY SLIPPED HER ECSTASY.

HE HAVE ANY SYMPTOMS?

NO.

KUTNER'S STARTING THE PATIENT ON HEMODIALYSIS,

AND THIRTEEN'S IN THE LAB TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT THE GUY PUT IN THE DRUGS.

SEE?

A CLEAR, SIMPLE STATEMENT OF FACTS

DESCRIBING THEIR COOPERATION

WITH ABSOLUTELY NO ATTITUDE OR FEAR.

SOMETHING'S GOTTA BE DONE.

OH, YEAH.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

I STILL CAN'T MOVE MY HANDS.

IT'LL TAKE A FEW MORE HOURS

TO CYCLE ALL YOUR BLOOD THROUGH THE MACHINE.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

NOTHING. WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THE LIGHTS JUST WENT OUT.

DIDN'T THEY?

WHAT DID YOU DO?

IS THIS FROM THE DRUGS?

MOST OF THE DRUGS SHOULD BE OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM BY NOW.

- AND OUR DRUGS-- - I CAN'T SEE.

- DO SOMETHING. - I CAN'T SEE.

I CAN'T SEE!

[footsteps]

NOTHING IN THE ECSTASY EXCEPT ECSTASY.

WELL, THAT NEVER HURT ANYBODY.

IT CAN'T MAKE 'EM BLIND DAYS LATER.

DO YOU SPELL "HOMIE" WITH A "Y"?

I WANT TO BE RESPECTFUL.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY GONNA LET US DO SECRET SANTA?

NOT JUST YOU GUYS.

I LIKE PRESENTS TOO.

PICK A NAME.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

SEE, THIS IS WHY NO ONE LIKES YOUR PEOPLE.

THE NOTION OF PICKING ONE TIME OF THE YEAR

TO BE DECENT TO OTHER PEOPLE IS OBSCENE,

'CAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY VALIDATING THE NOTION

OF BEING MISERABLE WRETCHES THE REST OF THE YEAR.

SO YOU THINK THIS IS THE PART OF THE YEAR

THAT'S SCREWED UP?

ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU ARE NOW A TEAM.

YOU'VE GOTTA WORK TOGETHER.

AND THE SIMPLE FACT IS, GIVING PEOPLE CRAP

MAKES PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE.

SO SPEND 25 BUCKS.

LEARN TO LOVE.

BLINDNESS COULD BE A COMPLICATION

FROM THE HEMODIALYSIS.

NO, THE DIALYSATE COMPOSITION WAS WITHIN RANGE.

- SWEET. - INTERESTING.

DIALYSATE COMPOSITION JUST INDICATES--

INDICATES NOTHING. I WAS REFERRING TO HIS REACTION

TO THE NAME HE GOT. (Kutner) I WAS PLEASED.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO BUY--

MEANS THERE'S SOMEONE HERE

IT WOULDN'T BE FUN TO BUY FOR.

I WONDER WHO.

PICK A NAME.

THEN GO CHECK OUT THE PATIENT'S HOUSE.

INTERESTING.

(Foreman) WE'RE WASTING TIME GOING TO THE HOME.

KEARNS-SAYRE SYNDROME FITS THE SYMPTOMS.

NO FAMILY HISTORY OF KEARNS.

GO TO THEIR HOUSE--

SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD US IF THERE WERE ANY OTHER DRUGS.

YOU MET HER.

SHE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE CANDID.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. GO TO THEIR HOUSE--

MS OR VASCULAR PROBLEM FITS BETTER.

THEY COULD AFFECT HANDS AND EYES.

FINE, DO AN MRI, CHECK FOR MS.

AND A FLUORESCEIN ANGIOGRAM OF HER EYES

TO SEE IF WE MISSED A BLEED SOMEWHERE.

OH, AND WHOEVER GOES TO THEIR HOUSE,

GET ME THEIR COMPUTERS.

YOU TALK TO YOUR KID ABOUT SEX

SO SHE'LL THINK

YOU'RE BEING OPEN ABOUT EVERYTHING.

KEEPS HER FROM ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THE THINGS

YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HER HONESTY PROVES JUST HOW DISHONEST SHE IS.

YES! EXACTLY WHO I WANTED.

THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

THE DYE MAY STING WHEN IT ENTERS YOUR BLOODSTREAM.

ARE YOU SCARED, MOM?

YEAH. ARE YOU?

YEAH.

ARE THEY?

THEY DON'T LOOK SCARED.

EITHER THEY'RE CONFIDENT OR THEY JUST DON'T CARE.

WE'RE CONFIDENT.

OKAY IF I SHIFT YOU A BIT?

GET YOU INTO POSITION.

YOUR BOSS IS WEIRD.

YEAH, HE IS.

HE THOUGHT HE'D GET INFORMATION

YOU MAY NOT HAVE BEEN TELLING US BY-- - BEING A JERK?

YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW OFTEN IT WORKS.

CHOROIDAL FLUSH LOOKS GOOD.

WHY WOULD PEOPLE LIE TO A DOCTOR?

DOZENS OF REASONS TO LIE,

ONLY ONE REASON TO TELL THE TRUTH.

(Taub) YOU'RE NEVER EVEN TEMPTED?

I MEAN, LIES DO SOMETIMES SMOOTH THINGS OUT,

MAKE LIFE EASIER.

YEAH? YOUR LIFE EASY?

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

THE DYE HAS REACHED THE RETINAL CAPILLARY BED.

NO LEAKAGE.

THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

IT MEANS IT'S NOT A VASCULAR PROBLEM.

(Maggie) WHAT?

A VASCULAR PROBLEM WE COULD FIX.

THEY LOOK WORRIED NOW, MOM.

WHAT'S WITH THE SECRET SANTA?

YOU TRYING TO BRING THEM TOGETHER?

I WANT TO DRIVE THEM APART.

WITH GIFT GIVING?

CONFLICT'S BUILT RIGHT INTO THE NAME.

SANTA'S ABOUT SHARING. A SECRET'S ABOUT WITHHOLDING.

ASIDE FROM THE TROJAN HORSE, GIFTS DON'T USUALLY--

WHAT'D YOU GET YOUR WIFE

FOR YOUR FINAL ANNIVERSARY?

UH...A SWEATER.

SHE HATED IT. SHE LOVED IT.

THEN YOU DIDN'T BUY IT.

I GAVE HER SOME CASH...

AND...

GIFTS ALLOW US TO DEMONSTRATE

EXACTLY HOW LITTLE WE KNOW ABOUT A PERSON.

AND NOTHING PISSES OFF A PERSON MORE

THAN BEING SHOVED IN THE WRONG PIGEONHOLE.

[quietly] YES.

I'M THINKING OF SPENDING A FEW EXTRA BUCKS

ON MY SECRET SANTA.

BAD IDEA.

YOU MIND IF I TELL HOUSE YOU ASKED THEM FOR THE KEY

INSTEAD OF BREAKING IN?

YES, I DO. JUST ANOTHER FIVE BUCKS.

FIVE WILL BE TEN.

THE KEY'S PROOF SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO HIDE.

THE KEY IS PROOF I DIDN'T DO EXACTLY

WHAT HOUSE TOLD ME TO DO.

AND WHAT DO YOU CARE IF IT'S ANOTHER $15?

I'M GONNA TELL HIM.

WHO ARE YOU SO ANXIOUS TO PLEASE?

NOT YOU.

YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE GOING TO PROVE

PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF HONESTY

USING A MOTHER AND DAUGHTER YOU'VE KNOWN FOR ONE DAY?

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO'S BASED HIS ENTIRE WORLD VIEW

ON THE PROPOSITION.

IF I'M WRONG, SO WHAT? [ding]

IF HE'S WRONG...

SO YOU'VE GOT HUNTINGTON'S?

- NOPE. - BUT HOUSE SAID THAT YOU--

IF I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT, WHY DIDN'T I BRING IT UP?

(Taub) FLUORESCEIN ANGIOGRAM WAS CLEAR.

NO LEAKS, NO LESIONS.

DEFINITELY NOT A VASCULAR PROBLEM.

SOMEONE GET THEIR BIRTHDAYS OUT OF THE FILE.

HAVE YOU TRIED LEAVING IT BLANK?

[beeps]

TOUGH TO GET INTO THE HEAD OF SOMEONE

WHO ACTUALLY TRUSTS PEOPLE, HUH?

(Thirteen) FOUND BOTH COMPUTERS IN AN OFFICE

ON A DESK THEY SHARE.

(Taub) NO SIGN OF MACULAR DEGENERATION OR OPTIC NEURITIS.

HER EYES ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL.

EXCEPT SHE CAN'T SEE OUT OF THEM.

SO SHE SAYS.

FIND ANYTHING ON THE MRI?

NO SIGN OF PLAQUES. IT'S NOT MS.

WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANYTHING ABNORMAL

ON ANY TEST.

EXCEPT SHE CAN'T SEE OR MOVE HER HANDS.

SO SHE SAYS.

YOU CAN'T LIE ABOUT FLACCID PARALYSIS.

MAYBE SHE'S NOT LYING.

HER BRAIN IS.

WHAT IF IT'S A CONVERSION DISORDER?

LACKS PERSONAL BOUNDARIES...

PROMISCUOUS...

INAPPROPRIATE OBSESSION WITH TRUTH TELLING.

CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE A PSYCH CASE.

COOL, I'LL SET UP A PSYCH CONSULT,

START HER ON ANTI-DEPRESSANTS.

NO.

HER MIND IS TRICKING HER BODY.

WE NEED TO TRICK HER MIND.

OR EVEN BETTER.

YOU DON'T NEED HER.

I KNOW.

THEN THIS SERVES NO MEDICAL PURPOSE.

YOU HAVE A GENETIC DEFECT, CHOOSE TO IGNORE IT.

THIS WOMAN HAS A GENETIC DEFECT.

SHE CHOOSES TO BUTCHER HERSELF

TO BE SAFE.

YET WHAT YOU CLAIM TO BE FASCINATED BY

IS HER HONESTY.

INTERESTING.

YOU CLAIM TO WANT THE TRUTH...

AND THEN YOU SCREW WITH PEOPLE

WHO ACTUALLY LIVE BY IT.

PATHETIC.

HEY, I GAVE YOU CREDIT FOR "INTERESTING."

YOU'RE PROTECTING HER BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS

SHE DID WHAT YOU COULDN'T.

I NEED YOU.

I'M NOT LYING TO HER.

FINE, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. I STILL NEED YOU.

IF IT DOESN'T WORK, YOU GOTTA HOLD THE KID DOWN

UNTIL SOMEONE ELSE FINISHES LYING TO MOM.

THAT DOES ACTUALLY SERVE A MEDICAL PURPOSE.

JANE.

I HAVE TO LIE BECAUSE SHE TRUSTS ME?

IF YOU SHOW DOUBT,

THE PLACEBO TREATMENT WON'T WORK.

IF IT'S JUST DEPRESSION, THAT'S GOOD NEWS, RIGHT?

THERE ARE A LOT OF GREAT MEDICATIONS.

THEN WHY CAN'T WE JUST GIVE HER THOSE?

WHY DO WE HAVE TO LIE TO HER?

BECAUSE WE MIGHT BE WRONG.

AND THOSE MEDICATIONS TAKE A LONG TIME TO WORK,

AND SINCE YOU'RE MOM'S CONDITION IS DECLINING...

THERE'S A CHANCE THE DRUGS WON'T TELL US ANYTHING

UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.

MY MOM'S NOT DEPRESSED.

- MAYBE SHE'S HIDING IT FROM YOU. - NO.

SHE WOULDN'T--

SHE'S DOING WHAT EVERY GOOD MOM DOES:

PROTECTING HER CHILD FROM BAD NEWS

THAT SHE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT.

MY MOM'S NEVER LIED TO ME.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIE,

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL WHEN YOU'RE BEING LIED TO.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

- I KNOW-- - I WAS LYING.

I KNOW HOW TO LIE.

I JUST WON'T DO IT TO MY MOTHER.

YOU LIKE FOOSBALL?

UNTIL THE TREATMENT OF YOUR INFECTIOUS PARAPARESIS

TAKES EFFECT,

JANE CAN'T COME BACK INTO THE ROOM.

I'VE ALREADY BEEN INOCULATED.

CAN SHE HAVE IT ALREADY?

DON'T WORRY,

IT'S A VERY EFFECTIVE TREATMENT.

YOU SHOULD BE FEELING BETTER IN A MATTER OF MINUTES.

[groans and sighs]

DON'T YOU THINK JANE DESERVES A FEW SECRETS?

SOME PERSONAL SPACE--

ROOM TO, UH... MAKE HER OWN MISTAKES?

SHE MAKES PLENTY OF MISTAKES.

ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I'M THERE TO HELP HER THROUGH THEM.

BUT SHE'S GOTTA KNOW YOU'RE LOOKING OVER HER SHOULDER.

IT'S GOTTA STIFLE--

I THINK THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE

IF EVERYBODY ALWAYS ACTED LIKE THEIR MOM WAS

LOOKING OVER THEIR SHOULDER.

I WANT TO GO SEE MY MOM.

SHE'S SLEEPING.

WHY DON'T WE JUST DOUBLE THE AMOUNT WE CAN SPEND?

- NOPE. - CAN'T AFFORD ANOTHER $25?

IF WE ALLOW PEOPLE $50, PEOPLE WILL SPEND $60.

OH, SO YOU CAN'T AFFORD ANOTHER $35.

YOU MUST REALLY LIKE WHO YOU GOT.

OR REALLY DISLIKE.

MY MOM ALWAYS GIVES THE BEST PRESENTS

TO THE TEACHERS I GET ALONG WITH THE WORST.

- NO. - NO.

HOW DO YOU KNOW "NO"?

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T GET HOUSE.

I KNOW HE DIDN'T GET HOUSE.

(Wilson) YOU GAVE THEM ALL YOUR NAME?

MM-HMM.

FIGURED I COULD SOW SOME DISSENSION

AND GET A FEW TIES AND SWEATERS.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FIND OUT?

IT'S SECRET SANTA.

AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FIND OUT?

THEY'LL ARGUE ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.

THE TIES ARE LESS IMPORTANT THAN THE DISSENSION.

WE STILL HAVE TO BUY HIM SOMETHING.

NOT A CHANCE.

WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DISCUSS THIS.

WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW.

HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT HIS NAME IN THERE FIVE TIMES.

HE WANTS PRESENTS.

IT'S SAD.

IT'S PATHETIC.

I'M STILL BUYING HIM A PRESENT.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

FINE!

[labored breathing]

[rasping]

WHAT'S WRONG?

I THINK IT'S GETTING WORSE.

[struggling for breath] I CAN'T BREATHE.

I NEED A NURSE IN HERE!

THE LYMPH NODES ARE CUTTING OFF HER AIRWAY.

WE'VE GOT TO INTUBATE!

[struggling for breath]

THE SWOLLEN LYMPH NODES WERE CUTTING OFF

MAGGIE'S AIRWAY.

WE SHRUNK 'EM WITH ALCOHOL. SHE'S BREATHING ON HER OWN NOW.

THAT SUCKS.

4,300 SAVED EMAILS,

AND NOT A SINGLE MENTION OF "LESBIONIC," "SANCHEZ,"

OR "MAN-GINA."

SWOLLEN LYMPH NODES MEANS

IT WASN'T PSYCHOLOGICAL.

WHO'S THAT FROM?

SANTA, OBVIOUSLY.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW I WORSHIP HIM.

NO, WAIT, I MEAN SATAN.

I ALWAYS GET 'EM CONFUSED.

WHAT IS AN ALPINE BUTTERFLY?

AND WHY IS SHE LEARNING HOW TO DO ONE?

HOUSE, WE ALREADY HAVE A FULL HISTORY.

- YOU DON'T NEED TO WASTE TIME-- - IT'S JUST A CLIMBING KNOT.

BUT WHAT DOES SHE USE IT FOR? TRY BONDAGE.

I DID ONCE.

SHE JUST TIED ME DOWN AND WHINED ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS

TO BE DEAN OF MEDICINE.

GYMS AREN'T EXACTLY PRISTINE.

COULD BE A FUNGAL INFECTION. SERIOUSLY, WHO'S IT FROM?

NO FEVER, NO ELEVATED WHITE COUNT.

AH! THAT'S FUNNY.

HER FRIEND SENT HER A GARFIELD CARTOON.

THAT CAT SURE DOES LOVE LASAGNA.

HOUSE!

STOP OBSESSING.

IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY OBSESSIONS,

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT SHE HAS SARCOIDOSIS.

18 MONTHS AGO SHE SOLD HER STAIRMASTER.

IT WAS ONLY TWO MONTHS OLD.

NOW, EITHER SHE NEEDED THE CASH, OR CLIMBING STAIRS

WAS GETTING MORE DIFFICULT.

12 MONTHS AGO, SHE CANCELED A HIKING TRIP.

NOW, EITHER SHE JUST WANTED TO SIT HOME AND WATCH TV,

OR WALKING WAS GETTING MORE DIFFICULT.

SHE'S BEEN SUFFERING JOINT PAIN FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS.

PULL MY RIBBON, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

A.C.E. LEVELS ARE TOO LOW FOR SARCOIDOSIS.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

COULD JUST BE AN INACTIVE PHASE.

IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS YET.

I REMEMBERED I'M NOT A SATANIST, I'M A DRUID.

- NO LUNG INVOLVEMENT. - YET.

WE'LL NEED A BRONCHOALVEOLAR LAVAGE TO CONFIRM IT.

THAT'S A SHAME--

I WAS GONNA SURPRISE HER WITH ONE FOR CHRISTMAS.

WOW!

NOW, EITHER THAT COST MORE THAN 25 BUCKS

OR I'M SERIOUSLY STARTING TO DOUBT

STEVE JOBS' BUSINESS STRATEGIES.

BUT THANKS!

LAST ROUND OF SALINE, MAGGIE.

ONE MORE BIG BREATH.

WE'VE GOTTA GET THE LIQUID TO GO ALL THE WAY

INTO YOUR LUNGS, OKAY?

HERE WE GO.

THE GIFT COULD BE FROM A PATIENT.

WHO SENT IT TO THE WRONG DOCTOR?

HOUSE OBVIOUSLY GAVE THE PRESENT TO HIMSELF.

[The Twelve Days of Christmas]

*

THEY'RE ARGUING RIGHT NOW.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS ALL MORNING.

DID YOU LOOK IN THE BOX ON MY DESK?

OH, BY THE WAY, YOUR MOM CALLED.

YOUR DAD'S DEAD.

YOU LEFT THE PRESENT SITTING ON YOUR DESK?

IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AS EFFECTIVE

SITTING IN A CLOSET IN MY HOME.

THEY'RE GONNA KNOW IT'S FROM YOU.

NO, THEY'RE GONNA GUESS THAT IT WAS FROM ME.

MIGHT EVEN BE 90% SURE THAT IT WAS FROM ME,

BUT ALL THAT MEANS IS THEY'RE 10% SURE

THAT ONE OF THE OTHER GUYS IS SCREWING THEM OVER.

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED CHANNELING YOUR POWERS

TO, I DON'T KNOW, BRING PEACE TO THE MID-EAST?

I COULDN'T DO THAT.

BUT IF THEY EVER GOT IT, YOU COULD SCREW IT UP?

YEAH, THAT'S MORE WHERE MY POWERS LIE.

- GIFT COULD BE FROM WILSON. - IT'S HOUSE.

WHY DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM SPECULATING?

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HOUSE WANTS US TO DO.

LUNGS ARE PRISTINE.

NO INFILTRATES OR ALVEOLAR HEMORRHAGE.

MAGGIE, I'M GONNA REMOVE THE SCOPE.

I NEED YOU TO COUGH FOR ME, OKAY?

[coughing]

A LITTLE HARDER. [coughing harder]

GREAT.

[coughing]

MAGGIE, OPEN YOUR EYES.

WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING?

WHAT'S WRONG?

MAGGIE TESTED NEGATIVE FOR SARCOIDOSIS.

BUT SHE'S BLEEDING INTO HER EYES NOW.

HAVE HER PLATELETS DROPPED?

PLUMMETED. NEW LABS SHOW THEY'RE UNDER 40.

SHE'LL BLEED OUT OF EVERY ORIFICE

IF WE DON'T FIND THE CAUSE.

(Taub) COULD BE SPLENIC SEQUESTRATION, TUBERCULOSIS...

GAUCHER DISEASE, TTP--

HEMOLYTIC UREMIC SYNDROME, SEPSIS--

LISTING ALL THE POSSIBLE CAUSES IS ONLY IMPRESSIVE

IF YOU CAN DO IT REVERSE-ALPHABETICALLY.

WE NEED TO KNOW WHY HER PLATELET MACHINE IS BROKEN.

GO TO THE FACTORY. DO A BONE MARROW ASPIRATION.

I'M YOUR SECRET SANTA.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL.

BUT YOU GOT A PRESENT ALREADY.

WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE SECRET SANTA.

OR SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS TO MAKE ME HAPPY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[Jimmy Butler's Trim Your Tree]

*

* BABY, I WANNA TRIM YOUR *

* BABY, I WANNA TRIM YOUR *

* BABY, I WANNA TRIM YOUR *

* BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS TREE

*

ON ONE HAND, YOU SHOULD BE IN BED.

AND ON THE OTHER HAND, I TOLD YOU TO REST.

SO I SEE YOUR DILEMMA.

I DON'T THINK RESTING IS THE PROBLEM.

CAN STREP CAUSE THIS?

CLAP ON...

TRUST ME, FIRST PLACE I WENT.

NO RASH ON MY LABIA.

DO YOU NEED TO TAKE A LOOK?

I'M SAVING MY MONEY FOR A RED RYDER BB GUN.

DARKER SHADE OF LIPSTICK?

I'M NOT WEARING ANY.

YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER WHAT YOU DO?

IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'M CURIOUS.

I DON'T NEED TO BREAK HER HEART JUST SO I CAN FEEL RIGHTEOUS.

DO YOU DO A DONKEY SHOW?

I'M NOT CURIOUS. IT MATTERS.

IT'S A DONKEY OR A MULE.

I CAN NEVER REMEMBER.

WOW...

THAT IS A CREEPY SMILE.

I BET THE DONKEY'S IS EVEN CREEPIER.

DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN?

NOPE. THAT'S MY JOB.

CONTAGIOUS ECTHYMA.

ANY CONTACT CAN CAUSE RASHES, FLU SYMPTOMS,

SORE THROAT.

HAS THERE BEEN...CONTACT?

OKAY, ANTIBIOTIC CREAM FOR YOU,

AND A LOVE GLOVE FOR FRANCIS.

YOU'LL BOTH BE FINE.

YOU SHOULD COME SEE THE SHOW.

I THINK YOU'D LIKE IT.

SORRY, I HATE WESTERNS.

(Chase) SO THEY REALLY NEVER LIE?

(Foreman) DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT.

ADMIRABLE.

YOU TELL CAMERON EVERYTHING?

HA! NO.

(Foreman) YOU THINK SHE KEEPS SECRETS?

IF I KNEW, THEY WOULDN'T BE SECRETS.

I HOPE SHE DOES.

PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO A LITTLE PRIVACY,

EVEN FROM THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE.

[drill whirring]

YOU BUY HOUSE A PRESENT?

WHY WOULD I?

TO SCREW WITH ME.

THEN I'M GONNA SAY YES.

WAIT, WAIT, STOP, STOP. WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

THE BONE IS SMOKING.

HER BONES ARE HARDER THAN THE DRILL?

WE RAN A FULL-BODY BONE SCAN

TO FIND THE CAUSE OF HARDENING IN THE HIP.

NO HOT SPOTS ANYWHERE.

TRACER COULD HAVE BEEN INACTIVE.

SO I SCREWED UP THE TEST?

(Taub) THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED.

MAYBE IT WAS INACTIVE. MAYBE IT DIDN'T FULLY CIRCULATE.

IT CIRCULATED. THE CAMERA PICKED UP--

HEY, HEY-- IT'S CHRISTMAS.

WHY ARE YOU GUYS FIGHTING?

WHY DO YOU THINK THERE ARE NO HOT SPOTS?

I DID NOT SCREW UP.

THE DENSITY'S CONSISTENT.

IT JUST MEANS THE DENSITY WAS CONSISTENT.

IT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS COLD.

IT'S POSSIBLE ALL SHE HAS ARE HOT SPOTS.

IT'S CONSISTENT

BECAUSE HER ENTIRE SKELETON IS TURNING TO STONE.

GOOD FOR AN ASPIRING SUPERHERO.

FATAL FOR A HUMAN HOPING TO MAKE IT TO KWANZAA.

(Kutner) IT'S GOTTA BE FROM A CARBONIC ANHYDRASE TYPE-II DEFICIENCY.

IT HAS FREE WILL-- IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ANYTHING

IT DOESN'T WANT TO BE.

I MEANT, IF IT'S NOT CA-2...

WELL, NONE OF THE OTHER CAUSES OF OSTEOPETROSIS ARE TREATABLE.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S GOTTA BE.

(House) WE'LL RUN HER BLOOD

AND HOPE THAT YOUR SUNNY OPTIMISM

ISN'T MISPLACED.

THEY ACCUSED KUTNER OF SCREWING UP A TEST

BECAUSE THEY HATE HIM.

YOU'RE SURPRISED?

THAT'S THE SORT OF CRAP THAT HAPPENS

WHEN YOU MESS WITH PEOPLE'S HEADS.

ONE DAY HE WILL SCREW UP A TEST.

IF THEY DON'T ACCUSE HIM OF THAT BECAUSE THEY LIKE HIM,

SOMEONE COULD DIE.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

NOWHERE, I JUST KNOW IT HURTS YOU.

(Taub) CA-2 DEFICIENCY'S A GENETIC DISORDER

THAT SCRAMBLES PROTEINS.

IF THE BLOOD TEST IS POSITIVE,

YOU'LL NEED A BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT.

TRANSPLANT SOUNDS LIKE A EUPHEMISM FOR SLIM ODDS.

UH, SLIM BUT NOT NONE.

WE'RE GONNA NEED TO TEST JANE FOR A MATCH.

DON'T YOU HAVE DONOR BANKS?

JANE IS YOUR BEST BET.

THE PROCEDURE'S PERFECTLY SAFE.

- THERE'S NO RISK. - NO RISK!

ANY SURGERY HAS--

THEN DON'T TELL ME THERE'S NO RISK.

YOU GONNA TELL ME THERE'S NO PAIN EITHER?

THE TESTING WILL HURT A LITTLE--

I'LL BE FINE.

IF SHE DOESN'T DO THIS AND YOU DON'T MAKE IT,

SHE'S GONNA SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE

BLAMING HERSELF.

MOM...PLEASE.

FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THE RISK.

DONOR BANK TURNED UP A 49-YEAR-OLD MAN IN CLEVELAND

WHO'S A FIVE OUT OF SIX HLA MATCH.

FIRST FLIGHT OUT OF CLEVELAND LEAVES AT--

WHY IS A 49-YEAR-OLD CLEVELAND MAN

A CLOSER MATCH THAN HER DAUGHTER?

HE MAY NOT BE. MAGGIE DIDN'T LET US TEST HER.

WHY NOT?

PAIN,

DANGER, RISK OF--

THE ONLY REASON TO GIVE MULTIPLE REASONS

IS YOUR SEARCHING FOR WHAT THE PERSON WANTS TO HEAR.

HOUSE.

YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SAINTED MOMMY.

DON'T CARE. YOU CAN FORGET THE DONOR BANK.

THERE'S NO CA-2 DEFICIENCY.

BEST WE CAN DO IS MAKE HER COMFORTABLE.

IS THAT FROM TAUB?

YES.

YES, IT IS.

[sighs]

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

WHO'S GONNA TELL THE PATIENT SHE'S DYING?

I WILL.

AND NOBODY LEAVES HERE UNTIL WE FIND OUT WHAT KILLED HER.

[The Fab Four's The Little Drummer Boy]

*

WHATEVER SHE HAS IS FATAL.

MAKES NO DIFFERENCE IF IT'S DISEASE NUMBER 58

OR 907.

YOU GUYS MAD AT ME?

NOPE. YOU HAD NO CHOICE.

OF COURSE I HAD A CHOICE.

(Kutner) YOU HAD NO CHOICE ONCE I MADE MY CHOICE.

AND NOW I'M CHOOSING NOT TO BE MAD AT YOU.

- WHY? - 'CAUSE IT'LL DRIVE HOUSE NUTS.

YOU THINK THAT'LL MAKE YOUR LIVES BETTER OR WORSE?

I TOLD MY MOM I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS.

I WANT YOU TO TEST MY MARROW.

I CAN'T BE DYING.

SURE, YOU CAN.

YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I HAVE.

WHAT YOU HAVE IS ONE LAST CHRISTMAS

WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.

ONE LAST CHANCE TO GIVE HER A PRESENT--

THE TRUTH.

IT'S INEXPENSIVE.

HIGHLY VALUED.

NEVER HAVE TO STAND IN LINE TO RETURN IT

THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

A MOTHER WHO'S GOING TO DIE

DOESN'T REFUSE A DONOR TEST BECAUSE IT MIGHT HURT.

SHE REFUSES WHEN SHE KNOWS IT WON'T MATCH.

WHICH TENDS TO HAPPEN WHEN MOTHER AND DAUGHTER

AREN'T MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.

I CAN DO DNA TESTS

IF YOU'D RATHER KEEP LYING TO ME.

I NEVER WANTED KIDS.

I LOVE THEM, BUT WITH MY GENES--

I KNEW THIS WOMAN.

A DRUG ADDICT.

SHE GOT PREGNANT,

DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE AN ABORTION.

BUT SHE ALSO DIDN'T WANT HER DAUGHTER TO EVER KNOW

WHO HER REAL MOTHER WAS.

WHAT SHE WAS.

I PROMISED NEVER TO TELL.

THEN A PROMISE TO AN ADDICT IS WORTH MORE

THAN A PROMISE TO YOUR DAUGHTER?

IT'D BE CRUEL TO TELL HER.

RIGHT.

SHE LIVES A LIE,

YOU GET TO DIE A HYPOCRITE.

[door slides open]

MOM, THE DOCTORS TOLD ME WHAT'S HAPPENING.

(Maggie) IT'S GONNA BE OKAY, SWEETHEART.

I PROMISE YOU.

DOCTORS CAN BE WRONG.

THERE'S STILL A CHANCE I CAN BEAT--

DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?

I DO.

NO, MOM, YOU'RE DYING.

NOBODY CAN HELP YOU.

IT'S NOT GOING TO BE OKAY.

[quietly] THAT WAS COLD.

YEAH.

[elevator dings]

[Roy Hargrove's God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen]

*

WHAT'D YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS?

I GOT A WATCH, A VINTAGE LP,

AND A SECOND-EDITION CONAN DOYLE.

AND IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH,

MY PATIENT'S DYING.

OH, CHRISTMAS DEATHS IN A HOSPITAL--

THERE'S NOTHING MORE DEPRESSING.

NO ONE EVER WANTS TO GO IN THE PATIENT'S ROOM.

EVEN THE CANDY STRIPERS LEAVE THEM ALONE.

BUT I SAW SOMETHING AMAZING.

PURE TRUTH.

SHE TOLD HER MOTHER THAT SHE WAS DYING.

STRIPPED HER OF ALL HOPE.

THAT SOUNDS... HORRIBLE.

IT WAS LIKE WATCHING SOME BIZARRE ASTRONOMICAL EVENT

THAT YOU KNOW YOU'RE NEVER GONNA SEE AGAIN.

YOU TELL PEOPLE THE COLD, HARD TRUTH ALL THE TIME.

YOU GET OFF ON IT.

'CAUSE I DON'T CARE.

SHE CARED.

SHE DID IT ANYWAY.

SHE DID IT BECAUSE SHE CARED.

THE ANGELS OF CHRISTMAS HAVE FINALLY GIVEN HOUSE

A PRESENT HE CAN APPRECIATE.

WELL, DON'T RUIN IT.

DON'T PIN THIS ON CHRIST.

HE'S GOT ENOUGH NAILS IN HIM.

THE PATIENT HAD TO DIE--

WOULD YOU TAKE OFF THAT HAT.

IT'S CHRISTMAS. IT'S A REINDEER.

IT'S A MOOSE ON A JEW.

WHO CARES?

THINGS HAVE THEIR PLACE.

YOU WOULDN'T HANG DREIDELS FROM A CHRISTMAS TREE.

YOU COULD.

THINGS DON'T CARE.

[Ramsey Lewis Trio's God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen]

NO, THEY DON'T.

HAPPY SOLSTICE, HOUSE.

(House) * GOD REST YE MERRY, GENTLEMEN *

* LET NOTHING YOU DISMAY

* REMEMBER CHRIST OUR SAVIOR

* WAS BORN ON CHRISTMAS DAY

* TO SAVE US ALL FROM SATAN'S POWER *

* WHEN WE WERE GONE ASTRAY... *

DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOLIDAY SPIRIT?

BRING ME THE EGGNOG OF GOOD CHEER.

HOUSE, IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT.

IF YOU DON'T, GIVE US A CHANCE TO GET HOME BEFORE SANTA.

SCROOGE.

GIVE THE PATIENT RISPERIDONE.

THAT'S AN ANTI-PSYCHOTIC.

SHE'S DYING. SHE'S NOT CRAZY.

I AM GOING TO PERFORM A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.

* OH, TIDINGS

* OF COMFORT AND JOY

* COMFORT AND JOY... *

(Maggie) YOU SAID ALL THE OTHER CAUSES OF OSTEOPETROSIS ARE FATAL.

EXCEPT FOR THE ONE WE DISCOUNTED EARLY.

BECAUSE IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

WHEN A FETUS FORMS, IT'S JUST A MASS OF CELLS.

BREAST TISSUE COVERS AN EXTENSIVE PORTION OF THE BODY.

AS THE FETUS DEVELOPS, MOST OF THIS TISSUE RECEDES,

REMAINING ONLY IN THE FUN PLACES.

BUT SOMETIMES EXTRA BREAST TISSUE

IS LEFT BEHIND IN PLACES WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG.

RISPERIDONE DOES A LOT OF THINGS.

ONE IS IT MAKES BREAST TISSUE SWELL,

SO WE CAN FIND IT MORE EASILY.

YOU'RE TELLING ME I COULD HAVE BREAST CANCER...

SOMEWHERE NOT IN MY BREASTS?

THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

TAUB'S PARENTS HAVE A WINTER CONDO IN FLORIDA,

BUT THEY'RE STILL NEW YORKERS.

- ACTUALLY, MY PARENTS-- - DON'T CARE.

I TOLD A PARABLE.

NOW I'M GOING TO RAISE THE DEAD.

GIVE ME THAT SYRINGE.

THAT'S GOTTA BE A FAT DEPOSIT.

YES, I COULD BE WRONG.

IF I AM, SHE'S DEAD.

SO SHUT UP.

WHAT'S THAT?

RISPERIDONE ALSO CAUSES GALACTORRHEA.

WHAT'S THAT--

GALAC--GALACTIC?

OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

RELAX, YOU'VE HAD IT BEFORE.

I AM NOT--

MILK? EWW!

WE'LL CUT OUT YOUR MOM'S TUMOR AND START HER ON CHEMO.

ALL THE REST OF YOUR SYMPTOMS SHOULD GO AWAY.

[Ramsey Lewis Trio's Santa Claus Is Coming To Town]

I LOVE YOU.

I KNOW.

HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE.

*

[bells tolling the hour]

[Staples Singers' Who Took the Merry Out of Christmas?]

* MMM-MMM-MMM

* WHO TOOK THE MERRY OUT OF CHRISTMAS *

* WHOA-O-OA

* PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD FORGOT ABOUT MERRY *

* TOO BUSY FIGHTIN' WARS

* TRYIN' TO MAKE IT TO MARS

* SEARCHIN' FOR LIGHT

* AND CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE RIGHT STAR *

* OH HO

* SEARCHIN' FOR LIGHT

* AND CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE RIGHT STAR *

* MMM-MMM-MMM

* WHO TOOK THE MERRY OUT OF CHRISTMAS? *

* YE-EAH

* PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD FORGOT ABOUT MERRY *

* TOO BUSY BUYIN' TOYS

* LEARNIN' 'BOUT SANTA'S JOYS

* WHO TOOK THE MERRY OUT OF CHRISTMAS? *

* TELL ME NOW, Y'ALL

* WHO TOOK THE MERRY OUT OF CHRISTMAS? *

* YEAH YEAH YEAH OH OH *

* WHO TOOK THE MERRY OUT OF CHRISTMAS? *

* WHO WHO WHO?

* WHO TOOK THE MERRY OUT OF CHRISTMAS? *