Original subtitles

Ooh, I'm excited to check out this "hot new place"

Josh and 'em are taking us to.

Yeah, I don't know anything in this area.

Hey. There's the address.

Aaaah!

Hey, guys! You found it!

Ew.

This isn't exactly what we were expecting

when you said "dinner."

Ugh!

Pssh! Come on, guys. This place is a blast!

Okay, we may have neglected to say this place is for kids.

But it's only because every time we invite you guys

to something Candice can enjoy, you don't wanna come!

Yeah, because kids' places are gross and loud and horrible!

But we have a kid. How are we supposed to hang out with you

if we don't go to kids' places?

Good question.

Maybe we shouldn't hang out so much anymore.

As we used to say back when you were fun --

outi 5000!

Ah, this whole place is so sticky!

Ha!

Emily: It is kind of thoughtless of us

to make them tag along everywhere.

If only we had some friends who were parents...

I found this app that matches parents

with other like-minded parents.

Ugh! Meeting strangers on the Internet?

I don't know.

You know what? Let's do it!

Ohh!

Not gonna happen. No, thanks. Nope!

Hey. They look alright.

You know what I love about this line? No kids.

Yeah. Nobody here has a bedtime.

Cokey Brian: Psst! Hey! Up here!

- Ugh! - Thanks for letting us in!

No problem. It's my personal belief

that no one should pay for anything.

Ever!

Uh, yeah, no-doy.

My friends call me Cokey Brian. I love cocaine.

I can get high just by snorting trace elements of it

out of the air.

Welcome to the rat's nest.

Finally! Some culture!

It's great to be at a place for grown-ups for once.

Can we get two flavor-blasted 'za shots?

Oh, God! I've missed being around adults!

They'll be here any second.

The only normal family on that whole app.

- Emily? Josh? - Hi! We're Evan and Danielle.

From Kindr. And over there is our little June.

She's a little shy.

This is Candice. She's not.

Well, hey! They're already a pack!

Can I just say -- it's so nice to meet a normal couple.

We just love being parents.

And we want to hang out with other people

who love being parents.

Us too!

June! Not so fast!

Sorry. She's so hyper.

We've been taking her to the park to burn off energy,

but apparently not enough.

Same! Ah. You guys get it.

Kids need to be tired, but not too tired.

Cheese it! It's the fuzz!

Alex: I don't know how much longer I can do this.

I've been drunk for three weeks straight.

Attendant: Riders, please remain seated,

keeping your hands and arms inside the log at all times.

Wait. Are all adult activities

just kid activities with drinking?

Oh, yeah! Front of the log!

Ah, yeah! Front of the log!

Hunh!

Hey! Don't copy me!

You don't copy me, dick!

I'll kill you!

Cokey Brian, no! What are you doing?!

You guys need to spread out.

Otherwise the logs could launch off the tracks.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no.

Come on! Let's see if we can really launch this thing!

I don't know, man! It doesn't feel safe!

I thought you guys were cool.

If you want to be babies,

you should go back to hanging out with babies!

Put your arms up!

- Unh! - Aah!

Oh, no!

I'm kind of the world! Ha ha!

It's gone. It's all gone.

They've destroyed the apple butter,

the apple preserves, the blackberry jam,

the blueberry orange marmalade...

...the cranberry pear jam,

the cantaloupe preserves with cinnamon...

What?

See ya, fuzz! You're not taking me! No!

Ah!

Oh, my God. We never should have bailed on Josh and Emily.

Emily: Jam jail?

Oh. An important text?

Oh, it's some old friends. Acquaintances, really.

Who didn't want to hang out with us anymore

because we have a kid.

- Ha ha. Weirdos! - What else should we order?

Why don't we split the Skinnylicious Buffalo Blasterz

with a side of cheesecake nachos?

Ooh, and maybe a mini corndog salad?

That should probably be enough.

Although we could order extra and get them

to put it in a doggy bag.

June loves leftovers.

We were so bummed when we saw you didn't bring her.

- Oh, she's here. - Excuse me?

We wouldn't leave our dog-ter home alone. We're not monsters.

Did you just say "dog-ter"?

What the hell?! You told us you were parents!

Josh, I'm offended! We are parents.

Just like you.

This is a dog!

It's nothing like raising a human child!

Everyone always says that.

But we do the same things you do.

Take June to the vet. Check her for worms.

Rub her face in pee when she has an accident.

Candice, did you know about this?

Yeah, what did you think I meant when I said

June had the softest ears in the whole wide world?

I don't know! You're a weird kid! You say weird things!

Maybe we should head out.

But our next course is just arriving.

Okay. We've got one order of...raw horse meat!

I thought when you ordered that it was just an ironic name!

No, Josh. They have everything here.

Uh, can we get some sandwiches to go, please?

Get to the car, get to the car, get to the car.

Ugh! I can't believe we got duped

into hanging out with those freaks.

Yeah, they're obviously nuts,

but isn't this kind of what we did to Bridgette and Alex?

We did trick them into hanging out with us.

You're right. We should apologize.

What do you want from us?!

We just want you to admit that raising a dog

is exactly the same as raising a child.

That's completely insane!

Be careful what you say, Josh.

The children are watching.

Tcch! Tcch!

Did you remember to validate the parking?

Shiiiiiiiiiit.

Start the car!

Unh!

Aah!

Come on, guys. We can get past this.

Uh, we can't!

You lied to us about having a human daughter!

No, you assumed our dog daughter was a human.

So there's plenty of blame to go around!

No!

Unh! Why won't you hang out with us?!

Give us a reason!

Uh -- We're cat people!

Ew! Gross!

Can you believe those freaks?

Hopefully the next people won't be as toxic.

- Oh, that's a match. - Yes! Ooh. Yes, yes, yes.

- That's a match. - Ooh, they look interesting.

Ooh, ooh! That's definitely a match.

Oh, thank God you got our message!

We made a mistake! Stop.

You guys are our real friends.

You don't lie to us or dress up animals like people.

What?

I mean, we're parents, but we're not just parents.

We can make time to have fun with you guys.

And we realized that adult activities

are exactly like kid activities, but with booze.

So we can just take flasks with us

to Candice's recitals and birthdays or whatever.

Oh, I don't think --

That's a great idea!

So...can you bail us out of here?

Yeah, we talked to the guard.

He said you just need to pay for some jam?

Alright. Here's your apple butter,

the apple preserves, the blackberry jam,

the blueberry orange marmalade...