Original subtitles

Who's ready to see Caltech, the most exclusive of the techs?

All: Gooo Beavers!

Thanks again for asking your sister to show us her lab.

I know you two aren't close. It's fine!

I mean, yes, my sister's a prodigy

who's upstaged me since birth, but whatever.

Olivia got first place at the science fair.

Very good, Bridgette.

But look what Olivia painted.

How come you didn't come out that fast?

Duh, the birth canal's way bigger the second time.

Obviously.

Hey, sis.

Can't believe you actually made it.

Hello, everyone!

Hi, Mrs. Hashima!

And thanks so much for having us, Olivia.

She's Doctor Olivia now.

Ugh. She's not a real doctor.

She just stayed in school too long.

Would a fake doctor have her own building?

Awesome! Wow! Cool!

Seriously?!

Don't worry Bridgette, mom bought you a building, too.

Thanks.

So, this is where the magic happens.

Whoa.

And by magic, I mean advanced chemistry.

Ooh, complimentary mints!

Uhp! Careful.

This "mint" is my "Intelli-pill,"

an experimental supplement

I'm developing for cognitive enhancement.

That means it makes you smarter.

Ugh, we get it.

You're a nerd.

Olivia's even getting interviewed

about her pill on TV.

Just some chats with Robin Roberts.

Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

Sam Snood.

Sam Snood the science dude?

I could get you into the taping.

Uh, yes, puhlease!

Uh, I mean, Candice is a huge Snood-head.

Big whoop. A kids' show?

What have you been up to, Bridgette?

Uh, well, I've had some big developments over at Instagram.

Lotta likes. Wow.

That's impressive for someone your age.

26 is like 70 in influencer years.

She's actually very popular.

She has a few thousand followers.

8,305,

but it might've gone up since I started this sentence.

Bots. Hmm.

How many followers do you have?

Does it really matter?

Isn't it great that both of your daughters

have their own things going on?

A little competition never hurts.

Pressure makes diamonds!

That's how I pushed Olivia to become scientist of the year.

Oh, that was for some conference I went to in Ljubljana.

Bet you don't even know where that is?

Why would I if I can just look it up?

How do you spell it?

Yeah.

Did you hear the one about the store being run by a neutron?

No charge.

Josh: What a dumb store.

I'll show them smart.

Huh? I guess it doesn't work.

Aagh!

Mind on fire.

Hypotenuse!

Parthenogenesis!

"Star Trek" continuity!

You know, maybe you shouldn't be so hard on Bridgette.

She's really trying her best.

Oh, you millennial parents.

You'd prefer I celebrate mediocrity?

What? We don't do that.

Look, dad, I'm a scientician!

Aw, what a little genius.

You're a regular Alfred Einstein!

Ljubljana is in Slovenia!

Now that's more like it.

Okay, so she learned to Google, big deal.

Bridge, are you alright?

I think I need to go home.

Ohhhkay, thank you both, but we should go.

Science is hard to breathe.

One day you'll be running this place.

No!

My bangs are too short!

Alex: Anyone know how many grams are in an ounce?

Asking for a friend who's weighing something super legal.

28.35!

How did I know that?

The Intelli-pill!

I...

I'm smart.

Guess I'm doing burrito popsicle for lunch.

Yuhmuh!

This novel is shit!

Make Rothgar a secret Visigoth.

Oh, my God. That solves the whole thing!

Ooh! These stupid boxes!

There you go!

Now back to opening emails from people I don't know.

Who knew being so smart could be useful.

Hi Bridgette, so...

Olivia's TV interview is tomorrow.

Will you be there? I'd love if you came,

unless you're too busy learning how to read.

Hello?

Earth to Bridgette.

I'll show you a pill.

One thousand milligrams of bio-optimized,

quick-release nootropic cognitive enhancement.

Science, bitch!

So you're telling me that if I take your pill,

I'll be Sam Snood the...

Genius Dude?

That's right, Sam. Here it is...

The Intelli-pill!

Wow, cool pill...

if you like bullshit!

Hit it, Alex!

Behold! Mind-agra!

No. But how...

Bitch took my pill!

Mom! She stole my pill and reverse engineered it!

Do something! Like what?

It's about time Bridgette did something useful.

Hey!

I...understand!

I did it! I proved the Riemann hypothesis,

the most important unsolved problem in pure mathematics!

Eat shit, Riemann!

Olivia! Olivia! Olivia!

It's on!

I can see the Internet!

I can manipulate gravity!

Don't worry, I'll keep this short.

Like your bangs?

I'll kill you!

Science is awesome!

You were nothing before my pill!

At least my selfies don't get a median average of 14 likes!

Maybe try better lighting!

At least I'm not a failure who needs to go back to school!

Whoo!

In theory, this should be hot, but I am not enjoying myself.

Stop fighting! You love each other!

Do something! They'll listen to you.

You're right.

Keep going, girls!

Winner gets a new house!

At last, I don't have to live in your shadow anymore!

No, I'm no longer living in your shadow!

Pressure...makes...

diamonds!

Huh?

Why couldn't you have been Prom Queen?

Why can't you explore abstract ideas like your sister?

Not until she's quiet like her sister.

I stole your pill because Mom always made me

feel dumb compared to you.

I always tried to outdo you because Mom told me

I wasn't popular and "cool" like you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too!

What do you think you're doing?

Living in each other's shadows is what pushes you to greatness!

You've pitted us against each other for years.

We had to go full evil genius

in order to realize that we don't need to compete.

Yeah, and your whole "pressure makes diamonds"

thing is creepy, sorry.

And inaccurate.

You also need carbon, heat, time...

well, it worked, didn't it?

I made you into diamonds.

Big, brainy, accomplished diamonds.

But it does warm my heart to see you two getting along.

Hmm.

I'd take a picture but you both still look like freaks.

Oh, God! Oh, right.

We need to make an antidote soon or our heads will explode.

Little kink I forgot to work out.

Let's go to my lab.

And while we're at it, we can invent a chill pill for mom.

What? I'm super chill.

Now, that's how you raise children.

Call me if you need any tips with that one.

We're good.