Original subtitles

♪♪♪

Suzy your boyfreind better get it right this time.

Teddy Homicide Punk, stupid guy cant even play god damn note.

And here it comes.

Guitar solo.

What? What happen?

You missed queue again.

Listen man youre wearing all the oxide off the tape.

What do you say we take a break for lunch?

Suzy here will order some pizza.

No! No! Ill get it right this time!

I promise. Honest. Please.

Take number fifty seven Mr. Homicide if you please.

Come away with me you bastard.

Come away with me you bastard.

Here it comes.

Three.

Two.

One.

And...now.

You order this pizza?

Thats a twenty two fifty.

Oh no, Teddy dont!

[screams]

Ill get you bastards!

Fucking piece of shit.

Oh pizza.

Dont mind of I do squire.

Why its fucking cold!

Suzy.

Oh well.

Sorry.

Bring it on.

Salute ye mates.

Cheer Ye O.

Bottoms Up.

♪♪♪

Really got them on that one huh.

Well that it, uh, for us folks. Thanks alot you been great.

And, uh, we sure appreciate anything that you can give us.

That would be really great too.

Look were going to be playing down at the spitfire club

if you liked us on Thursday and Saturday.

Well be right back here on this corner next Tuesday at noon.

Were called Banned.

And our album Stand and Deliver

is available on Broken Record label, its at

Tower Records.

Thanks a heap.

Jesus H Christ on a ten speed with no seat, look at this.

Just look at this.

Well it could be worse. It could be raining.

Yeah, yeah, whatever money we collected could be tainted with

leprosy too.

We atleast we made enough money to cover the rental equipment.

I think we got about sixty five dollars.

Sixty nine dollars and forty four cents.

Thats simply fabulous.

We sweat derrière off for net profit minus sixteen dollars.

Well I had it Ken.

This little scheme of yours to yield us exposure

has given me dreams of impending foreclosure on my lot.

If it wasnt for my solo act, I be eating dumpster scrapings

and sleeping in a glad bag.

Well Im getting really tired of this. Understand.

I want to be in a band that is going to make some money.

And I dont want to stand in the cold. And this is getting to be

a real pain in the butt.

Kelseys right Ken we are operating at a deficit.

We need to make some cash.

My national guard pay barely keeps me alive.

Ill get the van.

Hey I think I got a way over this beach head.

What do you say we confer over a few solid margaritas.

Look Willy Im not particularly interested in alcohol right now.

Drinking in the afternoon just gives me a headache.

Well I guess you are all wondering why I called all down.

I have a viable strategic proposal.

I told you about my brothers new studio, right.

My brother bought the old Impulse Recording Studio.

The one that went broke about ten years ago

after the Teddy Homicide massacre.

I roadie for him. For a month.

At the tender age of seventeen.

He bought the place for some crazy price.

And hes been fixing it up installing lots new equipment.

Yeah hes almost ready to open.

Rotting Filth is what they call themselves.

What a name and what characters.

Psychotic drug addicts all of them.

Willy finish please.

As I said hes almost ready to open.

He just need a test band to work the bugs out of the place.

Thats perfect for our band.

Now if I call up Sid at Broken Records,

and tell him we found a phenomen price break at a studio.

Hell jump at it.

Ill tell him put all the rest of money into publicity.

I really dont know if its the right time.

But than again.

You know it might be like a real chance or something.

Well what do you think?

No comments?

Why Willy you sly dog its brilliant.

It might even be feasible.

Lets do it.

Im down like now.

No way man itll never work.

What if this place has tech problems.

Serge.

Cant you ever be positive?

If this thing works, it works.

If it doesnt well then?

Ill kill myself.

But it could be the chance of a lifetime.

Provided of course Impulse doesnt not turn out to be

the recording studio from hell.

Rod I had it.

Do you think a thirteen hour work day is long enough?

Hmm? What?

Oh, youre right baby.

Sorry. Well bounce the outboard sequences tomorrow.

Were outta here.

All right.

Huh?

Emergency medical service. You report a shooting here?

A shooting? Whats he talking about Rod?

I think you boys are a little late.

Last shooting here was ten years ago.

What!

Come on!

Look Im sorry.

Were having trouble with our ambulances.

Second time this week.

You are suppose to be on maintenance this week.

Dont hit me ok.

So uh, Rod youre going to see your girlfriend tonight?

No she has to work.

Yeah, so, how about it?

How about what?

You know.

They fixed the toilet up here. Didnt they?

I was going to shlep downstairs but hang on just a second

Ill be right with you.

[dripping]

[toilet: I am watching.]

[toilet: Bloody hell!]

[toilet: garbled sound]

[toilet: garbled sound]

[toilet: garbled sound]

Strange noises in the mens room.

Were going to have to put in sound proofing tomorrow.

Terrific.

Come on Debbie I thought you wanted to hurry up.

Im coming. Im coming.

Yeah I always save my brass man.

You have any idea what ammo goes for these days.

If youre careful you can repack.

How much is ammo for that 44 you always wear?

For the eagle it is about eight dollars a box.

This baby takes ten in the clip and one in the breach.

Damnit Willy!

You and your damn guns. Put that thing away.

Its dangerous.

Hey dont go giving me that pacifist crap.

I dont make no judgements about you, alright.

Hey that a real beaut.

I bet you can blow a hole the size of basketball in someone.

George look out!!

What the hell!

Dont touch me!

Dont touch me motherfucker!

No! No!

Are you nuts you almost killed us.

Only a couple points for a bag lady.

Serge man you almost killed that woman!

You been watching where the hell you been going.

You almost wrecked my van for a goddamn bum.

You have no regard for human suffering.

Is she any less of a person cause shes homeless.

♪♪♪

Hi honey.

Hi sweetie.

What is that youre listening to?

Its called The Sleaze and I like them very much, alright.

I hate them.

Put a fucking coke in it.

So you ready to go or what?

Oh God.

I cant. I cant go. I got an opening in three weeks.

Did you forget? And I aint got anything finished.

Come on honey, dont be a slug.

You promised you go with me tonight.

I cant go.

Yes you can.

Theres no way.

Now who exactly is this suppose to be?

This is personal.

Oh yeah your crazy brother the plumber.

So why are we so fixated on this guy?

Again I am not fixated on him.

And he wasnt just a plumber.

He was actually studying to be a priest.

Just Daddy wanted him to have a trade to fall back on.

Amazing a plumber who wants to be a priest.

Just dont understand.

Just wish he would call me. Been over a year since out seminary.

He was a loon right.

Let it go.

If youre going to make fun of my family you can put your

back in your pants. No! I love your family.

Oh yeah.

♪♪♪

The show, come on.

Its really funny. Intensely weird stuff.

You just want to go cause youre hot for her.

Are you kidding? No!

I promised her six weeks ago that we come see it.

How can you say that? You know I love you.

Slobbering random beast bent on you serving the homogenous

proletariat neo-nazi hedonist.

The divine wonderment corrupted only by Oscar Meyers style.

Yes I am the cow.

Savior of all that is pure and evolved.

Can not believe you drive me to this.

This is the worst piece of shit I have ever seen in my life.

Can we go home please?

Come on this stuff is hysterical.

Consume me with genocidal canabilistic needs.

Besides she doesnt take this anymore seriously than we do.

From my maggots eaten...

Yum. Those look great. And good for you too.

You know we been living together for a year and half now.

We ever going to get married?

Oh gee, I dont know. I guess. Maybe.

Moo!!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

You people dont care about any of this!

This is all bullshit to you.

My inner most soul.

My very emotional foundation.

And youre not listening to me?!

All youre interested in is sex. Filthy sex pigs, everyone of you

You all just want to see me strip? Right?

You want to see my breasts?

Oh yeah!

Show me your breasts!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Honestly, I didnt mean anything by it.

Shut up. Alright.

First you drag me out! It was a joke!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

So that would work out to what?

Five thousand dollars plus tapes.

Youre label is never going to believe you.

Damn good thing this is so cheap.

He is going to jump at this. Let me give him call right now.

Yeah lets get him over here.

So Debbie whats Rods girlfriend like?

Tall! Fucking amazon. Print ad model.

Brain dead type or something. He wont even look at me.

Hey better refocus and pronto.

There is nothing worse than wanting someone you cant have.

I mean look at him. Hes thirty, handsome and what a butt.

Lets face it. No offense but he have anyone he wants.

Up here. Yeah.

Why should he want you?

I know. I guess I am just lonely or something.

Uh oh. Let me give you one piece of advice.

Stay away from Serge.

Who?

Our drummer, real slithering fellow.

He never believe he was a born again christian.

His dad was a televangelist. Decimated his mind.

Heed my words. Avoid Serge at all costs.

This place is fantastic. When can we start?

Well I still have to realign recorders, there is a few minor.

We can start tomorrow.

Tomorrow! Trail by fire.

Rats! I wanted Serge to see this place.

Where the hell is he anyway?

Oh yeah!

Oh yeah!

Oh shit! Shit! Come on baby! Lets go! Lets go!

[alarm rings]

Come on baby! Come on!

Come on you taking too long!

Heres your dress. Lets go!

By the time we get the tapes Ill have lead sheets.

I think its workable.

We can also practice individual while the rest dubbing tracks.

Ok here is the word, he has to run it by high command.

But it sounded A-OK to him.

Its going to take about two weeks to get the money together.

But he practically assured me this thing is just going to fly.

This could be it. We start tomorrow!

So glad Serge can be part of the decision making process.

Hi guys. Sorry Im late.

Wow nice place! Did I miss anything?

Nice you can make it Serge.

Excuse me I got to go to the little cowboys room.

[coughing]

[toilet: Hey Hey you wait a minute. Down here.]

Excuse me.

[toilet: Here here mate down here in the bowl.]

Oh yeah.

[toilet: Ten friggin years I been stuck down here.]

Ah Ha!

Ah ha what?

Uh, its nothing, I...

The bathroom, I heard a...

Nothing.

Dont mind him hes using too much mental floss.

You have the most amazing eyes, you know that.

Like two lipid pools.

My eyes are like pools of fat.

Huh? Huh?

Hey I have a van and passes to the Spitfire club.

Were playing there tomorrow night you know.

Really?

Ah!! Oh God, Why did I let you t me into this!

Get ready for tomorrow.

I beg your pardon.

G. Gordon Liddy said it. Or was it Ed Neese?

Anyhow it is the exercise, it is how you feel.

So why you think I introduced you two guys.

Cause you gave up on me after years of fruitless pursuit.

Well I also thought you be a strengthening influence.

And if you notice Ken is like...

How shall we say without a backbone.

So you mean he is a wimp.

Well now, now those are your words and not mine.

The idea was its suppose to be reciprocal, your character rub

off a bit on him and him off a bit on you.

Make him into a man.

Like me.

Even his music is whisy whashy.

The cruel light of day begins to die.

His songs are overcomplicated, meandering and uncommercial.

They suck.

Hes going to sink us Rach.

The new album will bomb just like the last one.

We might as well chop our amps and use them as firewood.

And I am suppose to inspire him to prevent this.

I understand.

Kent I can not believe we have lived together for a year and

half and you never brought me here.

You guys are loaded. Youre rich.

Dad is. Im not. He doesnt like to share.

Look I really do not want to talk about this.

Okay. This dinner, this whole thing is moms idea

and I really do not want to be here.

Well Rachel Ken tells us you are going to be a great artist.

Oh I really hope so Ms. Travis.

I must say that your house is simply....

incredible.

Daddy did it all by himself.

Daddy and I are going to Venice this summer.

Venice, Italy. Daddy knows someone there in glass.

Daddy says the only thing that is missing is an Italian...

I was just thinking, mister I want to be a musician.

Where is your report card?

Its been a long time since I seen a report...

Ken graduated college four years ago dear...

Shut up you! Just you shut up!

Shut up, shut up.

Im not in school Dad. Ilene is.

Remember Ilene your daughter. Im a professional guitarist now

Oh excuse me mister professional guitarist who cant find

time to see his parents. Maybe once a month.

Mister Im too busy to see his family.

You call that a job!

Shut up, shut up!

Thats no goddamn job! Youre twenty three years old and

you cant keep a goddamn job!

Im twenty six Dad.

And last year I pulled in about twenty grand.

Huh!

Not great but its mostly tax free.

So Ilene, you still seeing Theodore?

Theodore is a jerk.

So Ilene tells me you are doing...

Shut up! Shut up, shut up!

What are you playing in one of these punk rock groups!!

Are you one of these kind of guys!

That bites off the heads of snakes and chickens!

No Dad we are a jazz rock group called Banned.

Banned?!

Banned, what the hell kinda name is that, Banned!?

Its a pun Dad.

Pun?!

B a n n e d, get it?

You know like censored, forbidden, prohibited.

Get it! Banned!

For this I put you through pre-med, pre-law school.

So you can be a goddamn freaked out metalhead!

A goddamn satanist!!

Dad, I was in pre-law for one week!

One week yeah!

Than they booted me out cause your check bounced.

So I put myself through Berkley Music School!

And I got a degree in jazz guitar. Remember!

What? Jazz guitar.

Whats jazz guitar?

Ilene I hate to say stuff like when I was your age but,

man, I used to want to take an axe to him.

Moms dizzy but Dad hes way out there.

I dont know if its the booze or what?

It wasnt till I was almost a basket case that I realized...

Just ignore him. Thats all.

Ignore him?

How can ignore the fact that hes making my life miserable?

Look Dad is an unreachable, drunken asshole.

Nothing is ever going to change that.

Look Ilene, the only reason I come by here from time to time

is cause I miss you and Ma too.

But I absolute refuse to let him get to me anymore.

Well thanks that a pretty packed answer.

But I cant tune him out hes unavoidable.

And hes living in another century!

God forbid I should come home passed midnight.

And than he turns into the Spanish Inquisition.

Now look before you know it youll be in California.

And between school and that six foot three bronzed god

youll no doubt be dating. All this will be a distant memory.

Two more months.

Ill let you come live with me but Rachel will blow a gasket.

Oh please.

But besides you made it through for eighteen years.

Whats a couple more months?

How did you get so cute?

You going to use that sing you wrote for me on your new album?

I might. If you make the deans list.

- You are a miserable rat. - Who loves you baby, huh?

Where the hell is he!!

Where the hell is Serge now?

Ah!!

Very nice.

(ticking)

Oh shit!

Three hours worth!

(alarm)

Im very late.

- Come on back here. - No! No baby! Im late.

Lets go! Come on lets go! Move!

Were late!

How much longer Serge?

- Keep your pants on. - How much longer?

Costing money.

- Two seconds. - One thousand one...

Rod this is Sid Besenthal from Broken Records.

Hi Mr. Besenthal. I heard lot about you.

Was it good?

Well look at all these wonderful new machines.

Ah techology, its all wonderful.

Listen I got a few things I like to discuss with you.

No problem.

We can use the lounge. Can you cover for me?

Anytime big boy.

Would you care to partake?

No thanks I try and stay clear of that shit.

Cocaine makes me impedant and paranoid.

- Me too. Why I snort beef. - What?

Beef! Beef from Romania. I get it from my brother-in-law.

I just chop it up! Take a few blasts! And blam Im a new man!

Anyway I wanted to talk to you about your deal.

Mr. Besenthal I am giving Banned an unbeatable deal.

I dont know. You know.

A whole job they do for four thousand dollars.

Yeah but they heard anything from that place.

As a favor to my brother whole deal for four thousand dollars.

Thanks. A favor I can ask.

I dont know what you know about Banned but their music isnt...

Commercial.

Bingo!

Mr. Jeffries I love these kids like their my own

children but business is business.

Broken makes records to make money.

This band has potential but Ken goes out of his way to be arty.

You know what I mean.

So you want me to push him a bit.

Do something. Do anything.

Just bring me a fucking single off this album.

No sweat Sid thats my style anyway.

Well I remember once I created the sound of an entire German

marching band by dropping quarters on a tin dish.

In sequence of course.

Now Ill make Banned sound like the best band that ever...

Sid what happen to you?

Ha! I told you genuine Romanian beef.

Dont last too long but makes me feel like a new man.

Hi Mr. Besenthal how are you?

Damn it Ken! Grinding that phase brings the groove crashing halt.

Right, thats the whole point.

People be bopping around trying to get into the rhythm.

Than we hit them with those triplet breaks.

Let them try dancing to that.

Ken thats a fallacy.

Psst. Whats fallacy mean?

Fallacy, adjective, like or pertaining to penises.

Oh.

Sometimes you go way overboard man.

Look I wrote this song. I like i the way it is.

Bizarre time change fits the tune.

All of our tunes have time changes.

Yo! Hes right man.

Im sick of this! Just need some fresh air.

Im not changing my material. Screw him!

(toilet: Yeah that the spirit. You tell him.)

Oh not again!

Serge! Willy! This joke is not funny anymore!

(toilet: You calling me a joke?)

Come on. What the hell is this?

(toilet: Bastard.)

What kind of joke are you trying to pull?

Is this suppose to be funny?

Who are you!

(toilet: Homicide, Teddy Homicide.)

Oh my God!

Rod about your bathroom.

Serious plumbing problems.

- Hey Sid how you doing? - Ok kid.

Enjoy and thank you.

Thanks. Thank you very much. Youre very kind.

This is fucking...

Sorry. Sorry. Ahh!!!!

Uhm, next we like to...

Play you a jazzy ballad.

Screw the fucking ballad, listen up you assholes!!

Listen up! Stand an deliver! Kick it!

Fuck you! You asshole!

Ah!! What do you want from me!? You people! Get the fuck out!!

Ah!! Ah!!

You killer bimbos from Cleveland!!

Ah!! Ah!! Fuck you!

(applause)

That guitar session but really drove them nuts.

I cant believe I broke my strata caster.

I had this guitar since I was eleven.

You go off the deep end?

Who ordered the food?

You gone schizo honey.

The bathroom, anyone seen the damn bathroom.

What the heck is wrong with me?

I dont know but you turned me on.

Inexplicable well timed offensive action.

We have punky boy.

You said it would be a good show.

But I didnt expect that you were positively raunchy.

Hey cheer up! I like raunchy!

I got to get back to work.

My son you are truly an inspiration.

Ill see you at home.

They must be thirsty.

Here is the first one. Where do you want the other six?

Hang on a second.

I gotta ask her something.

Hey, how are you doing?

I dont think we met. My name is Serge.

Ilene Travis and I heard way too much about you.

Dont believe a word of it.

- So youre Kens sister. - Yes.

Hey did you know I used to be a drummer for the Police?

Really? Wow.

Ok kids the food is here.

Hey loud man your favorite chili-burgers.

Eat, real food.

Ah!!

The screaming in here.

Ah!!

Someone keeps screaming in here.

Hey Chelsea lets say we go get some frozen margaritas.

- Let me get Willy and Serge. - No, no, no.

I cant believe I am hearing this from you.

- Are you pulling my leg? - No really Chelsea.

Look we been in the same band for over a year now.

And it wasnt till I saw you perform the other night.

That I realized just how damn attractive you are.

Ken the show is poppycock.

I designed it specifically for those trendy village boy types

who think it is profound and socialogically significant.

They eat that shit up.

Exactly. Exactly! And the fact that you can perform that

mindless dribble convincingly, impresses me to no end.

Well Im glad someone appreciate my show for the right reason.

Yeah. Yeah, the right reason.

Not that Im interested of course.

Of course.

But what about Rachel? And why the approach now?

Hmm, Ill be damn if I know.

You know how your whole life is suppose to flash before

eyes when you die?

Well when I got soaked by that damn toilet I had

an entirely dissimilar experience.

And the weird thing now is that I feel free.

Its like I lost all my inhibition.

I couldnt have told you any of this last week.

But suddenly I dont care.

And why should I deny myself something I want.

I mean Rachel, well...

You just have much larger breasts than she has.

What?!

I mean she is a good person and everything.

But were just on a different wavelength.

Shes not funny Chelsea.

Can you imagine living with a humorless person every day?

So you give Rachel her walking paper to go out with me?

Oh hell no!

I was thinking more along the lines of a juicy sort of thing.

Dont believe you. You actually do that to your girlfriend.

Well theoretically she never even know about it.

This is really low Ken.

Ill admit I am somewhat attracted to you.

I know I have always been a sucker for guitarist.

But Im going to have to pass.

There is a lot you dont know about me.

Everybody down!

(screams, gun shots)

You see when I was young my uncle,

he got me pregnant.

I had to have an abortion.

I just dont trust men because of it.

While offers like yours I appreciate it,

they only complicate the matters.

You just dont undestand the delicate position I am in.

Hey!

Darn minute! No dont point that thing at me buddy.

What the hell is wrong with you guys.

Youre ruining my chances with that gorgeous babe over there.

And than when I got into Yale he bought me a porche.

Like that going to sway all the damage he done.

No dont you guys think of anyone but yourselves.

- Look, look. - Shame on you.

Excuse me sir we have a problem.

What are you doing!

Ramon? Im Ramon.

What are you doing Klaus? You come with me now.

Just a second, Mr. Ramon you back here.

Now I was just telling your buddy your clowns picked a bad

day in a bad month, in a bad year.

Ive been after that gal for over a year now.

And youre ruining my chances. Now is that really fair?

Who is this guy?!

Man you guys call yourselves thieves?

Look at yourselves. Have you looked at yourself?

- What are you trying to do? - You guys are pathetic.

You look like a bunch of big canaries.

And whats this? This is a fashion nightmare.

You guys might as well be wearing a neon sign

that says Im a really stupid terrorist.

Please arrest me.

Number one, get yourselves some camouflage fatigues.

Number two, why are you knocking this place over for?

What did you get fifth teen hundred dollars, maybe?

Youve got to go where the money is.

There is a place over there called Tavern on the Green.

Serious cash clientele. Time it after the noon time crunch

you clear ten grand easy.

Remember who gave you the tip when knock over the tavern.

Thanks boss!

Thank you so very much for the information.

Our cause is most grateful!

And if ever you are in Lebanon, you look me up.

You are most welcome to sleep with any of my wives.

Allah God...

God bless you.

Lets go.

- What do you think? - Huh, about what?

You havent heard a word I said.

(loud music)

Well I spoiled an armed robbery.

Instructed a bunch of terrorists in camouflage.

Saved lives.

Fascinating.

What the fuck happen in this room?

Oh, uh, I tripped.

You tripped! What is this?!

No really I foiled an armed robbery today.

I know if we are ever in Lebanon we have place to stay.

So how was your day?

What is the matter with you?

- Stop it Ken. - Come here. Get down here.

What are you doing? Ken I dont feel like doing it.

Come on. Are you hearing impaired or what?

No! Ken and that is final!

Come on. Come on! Lets live a little!

(singing)

I need some groupies.

Ken if youre going out? Youre going out alone.

Ken Im going to sleep.

(music)

What! What! What I do?

Nothing! Noting at all! Just goo-goo eyes at those bimbos.

Just grinding around the dance floor like a bulldog in heat.

Well maybe I am getting more self confident.

Self confidence! When is trying screw bar sluts self confidence?

I am not afraid of anything! This is great!

You are just trying to show off and make me jealous.

But I am not a jealous person Mr. Ken. Just want you to know!

Well, Ill be damned.

(scream)

(ring, ring)

Who the fuck is that?

Who is it?

We thought since we are in the neighborhood...

Its four in the morning guys.

Hey Rod how is it hanging?

This is my old friend Rachel.

Listen man I wrote a new chorus for salamander sandwich.

Its commercial as hell, kicks butt, you gotta hear it.

This is crazy.

What are you two doing out at this hour?

I dont know. Hes got some bug up his ass.

I had to work for fourteen hours Drags me out dancing all night.

He is not eve winded and I am completely exhausted.

He been snorting?

What?

(TV: I dont have the slightest idea here.)

(TV: First I want to say hi to our new engineer here.)

(TV: Robbie. Robbie hi. I met Robbie yesterday.)

You ever see this show? I see it cause he is such a riot.

(laugh)

Oh my god, I do not believe it.

This is some talk show where these crackpots call for advice.

That guy believe it or not is my brother, Percible.

- Get out of here. - No Im not kidding.

- But hes uh.. - Hes actually a plumber.

Then he had these visions. So then went to seminary study

be a priest. But then Father Fallangan caught him in

bad places and then Father Fallanagan threw him out.

Wait my mom just going to die when she knows this.

(laugh)

Oh no!

So what do you think?

Well I like it but...

Its radically different than your usual style.

Right! So I took your advice.

Cool. Are all those yours?

Wow!

Jesus man that thing is loaded.

No, no the safety is on.

- What is it a Heckler and Koch? - Yeah

Thats the first generation of this gun.

Thats a Thompson 1919.

I bought it last year off some guy I met at survival game.

Heavy mother, 45 ACP, right?

Trouble is muzzle fire makes it hard to control in situations.

You see I only use a 200 gram load.

Wait how the hell did you know that?

I thought you hated guns. You are always giving pacifist rap.

Hey what do you say we go blow off a few, huh?

- What now? - Yeah.

Cant its 4am and the range dont open till 7.

And besides you can only fire the rifles. Need special license

for all the other stuff.

Come on man. Lets go somewhere.

I have to vent my frustration with 45 caliber devastation.

- What about the roof? - Yeah the roof!

- Good old NYC no one notice. - Come on! Lets go!

I might need another one of these.

Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo!

My first pigeon. God I thought those things unkillable.

You killed something.

Freaking hey. And it was bloody super.

Better than any bitch I ever porked.

My friend you need a drink.

Vodka martinis. Go for it.

You want an olive?

Right-o, olive mate.

God.

(scream)

Oh got a real way with the Kings english, dont we?

Who the hell are you?

Come guess, I give you a win.

Name is Homicide.

Teddy Homicide.

Huh look at the la-di-da panzy puff-da.

Cock call that a haircut. Blimey.

I seen more meat on a sparrows kneecaps.

Will you leave me the hell alone.

Oh are we defensive. Panzy ass panty sniffer.

What you going to get with it?

You look like Charle the clown.

And you dont got on the ten best dressed list.

- Fuck you slime ball. - Oh yeah, come sunshine.

Ill give you a headbutt.

Bloody whanker.

Oh my god, what have you done to your hair?

Hello sweetie.

Think youre really going to like this.

I wrote it this morning.

Nice haircut lover boy.

Is it Halloween already?

Where the hell is Serge?

(music)

Oh come on ladies up, up, up.

Lets go.

What is this like a regular routine or something?

Hey Serge arent you forgetting something?

Oh yeah.

Thanks it slipped my mind.

Ladies move it, youre taking too much time.

What kind of bullshit song is this?

You want some more commercial. I wrote this like new wave.

Let me play you some of it first.

No dont play me any of it.

I rather be empaled on a ten foot nail.

Than endure another Ken merry tale. Chaucer sucks.

Chaucer sucks. What kind of tripe is this?

Did you do this deliberately to insult me?

You know I majored in medieval lit.

Come on Ken this is a joke right?

This is pretty funny man.

Listen we got a sound check in about ten minutes

And then we are on. So lets get it together alright.

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute. I am dead serious about this.

I wrote this song and were bloody well going to play it.

And Ill have no arguments from anybody especially you.

Keyboard whore.

Well screw you, you two timing hearted son of a bitch.

I dont need this shit or your rotten band!

Real diplomatic there Ken.

Just exactly what did she mean by two timing?

Get some kind of bug up your ass or what?

Hi guys. Did I miss anything?

You better go apologize to her before she leaves the building.

- We got a gig to play tonight. - Ok, golly, Im sorry.

My fault. Poor Chelsea.

Oh, let me go!

Along with your mind you lost your ability to read?

This is a ladies room, bozo.

I suppose your going to plead temporary asshole.

And apologize for calling me a whore.

- No. - No, how dare you?

Who do you think you are?

Chelsea is just about railing into him right about now.

Come on Chelsea how about a little kiss huh?

- Come on. - Get the hell away from me!

Get the hell away from me!

Alright I apologize.

Actually I think I prefer you as a nut case.

How about a little fun?

Come on Chelsea.

When you straighten that jerk out give me a call.

This is a fucking ladies room.

(music)

Jesus.

Ken what is this?

Oh god porn, whiskey.

How about a little kiss huh?

You and I have got to talk right now.

Oh Rachel.

Ken I dont know what got into you.

But youre really pissing me off.

You havent taken a bath. You stink. Youre cranky.

And what you said to Chelsea was unforgivable.

Fuck her. I hope shes dead.

- Shes replaceable. - Cut the shit Ken!

I dont know whats gotten into you but...

Can I...

How revolting.

Im aware of that.

The duffel bag. You moving in?

Whats wrong?

Daddy he kicked me out.

Oh swell.

I didt come home last night and when I came home this afternoon

he practically had a coronary.

You were with Serge, right?

God damnit! How many times have I told you about him huh?!

So you gave him the boob as well me own sister in Serge!

Porky, porky, porky. Its boring you friggin bimbo.

Spread your legs for any fucking greasy guido.

Ken shut the hell up.

Ilene youre welcome to stay here couple of days.

But you have to deal with the couch. Ok?

No, no Ill have no sleaze queen who can not heed advice.

I aint having her stay here under me roof.

You and Dad can go to bloody hell!

I...

No! Youre staying right here.

Fuck you both. Bull dykes.

Im fucking history.

Well fuck you!

Coming in at twelve ok, coming in...

I got a hit, I got a hit. Hes going down.

This is one of the first ack ack guns put on.

Was used in the Battle of Midway

God can we just cut the World War II lesson anyway.

It is freezing out here. What th hell are we doing up here?

- I come here to think Rach. - Oh thats great!

What are we going to do about Ken huh?

What do you think Serge? Havent heard a word out of you.

I have a theory. Its out there. Its either that or Kens schizo

Alright now come on were listening to you.

- No its too stupid. - Of for Christs sake.

Come on just tell us.

Willy have you noticed any voices in Impulse mens room?

You know I thought I was hearing someones conversation.

So did I.

Rod said thin walls or something to that effect.

Now remember when Ken got soaked by that toilet?

I heard about that.

Well I submit that wasnt a toilet fuck up.

Indeed that was a deliberate attack on his person.

By an evil other worldly being.

The spirit of Teddy Homicide.

Gimme a break.

Yes thats it. It must be.

Ten years ago I roadie for Rod just before started recording at

Impulse. The band and Impulse came to a bloody end with

Teddy Homicide their singer and guitarist killed.

His entire group, his girlfriend the engineer and delivery boy

for no known reason. He than proceeded to the mens room

where he drowned himself in that very toilet.

Now after a long investigation the place was padlocked.

And I think the spirit of Teddy waited in the plumbing

ten years for a host body.

Now before you say Ive gone mad.

Isnt Ken exhibiting very Teddy Homicide like characteristics?

He looks different. He acts different. His music different.

I say to you Ken Travis became Tommy Homicide when he

was christened by that toilet.

- Hes gone mad. - I think he is on a roll.

What is the matter with him?

When he over exerts his brain he thinks he is a televangelist.

I seen this before.

Oh shit.

Somebody hold me down please. Somebody hold me down.

Hurry up Willy!

Ah!!

Its a good thing you had that “serge” suppressor.

Im sorry guys. You know all the years of born again...

Yeah, yeah. Come on what are we doing about Ken?

- Geez, listen I got a plan. - Alright.

Now Teddy Homicide was a notoriously bad guitarist

and some nights he would be on stage with his arms

limply dangling at his side. He was so inept.

Alright so heres my plan.

(music)

Yeah, yeah.

Where are we?

Oh my god!

Unbelievable.

You like it?!

Its amazing.

I think its amazing myself!

Woo!

You can run laps in here! Can I move in?

I can cancel my health club membership.

Wheres the bed?

I dont see any bed.

I found it!

What about me?

You ladies are going to enjoy this!

Its great!

Ill show you how to do it.

Oh Ken.

Oh look at this stuff.

Warning ingestion will cause brain damage.

You got it wrong.

Now I aint got it. But Ill do it.

He still hasnt come home.

Dont sweat it Rach.

Where the hell is Serge?

The one day he absolutely promised to be on time.

Oh sheez!

Everybody chill out!

Ah!!

License and registration.

Ok officer.

Excuse me sir you were going awfully fast there.

One of the young ladies in labor perhaps?

Shh!! Gee not for another nine months.

Officer, off, yes.

We are just polishing off a few quarts this grain alcohol.

Which you are, do you care to join us?

Here he comes.

Hello Wil! Yo look!

Rachel! My favorite horderve.

Wait a second.

I want you to meet this chum of mine.

This here is Elvis.

- Elvis! - Fuck you!

You, you, you.

Come on in ladies, dont be a stranger.

His name is Elvis.

Elvis Hitler!

Elvis Hitler? Nice name.

Hes our new keyboard player.

Ken Im afraid I got some beat news for you.

What!

You erased me guitar part!

Im really, really sorry.

No big deal. Just do it again. take you five minutes.

But I dont want to do it again!

I played it once, I aint going to play it again!

Dont get all bent out of shape over it. Just do it!

Alright, alright. I can do it.

Get the hell away from me you bloody tarts!

Now if he cant play this difficult guitar part,

it will tell if it is Ken is Ken or Teddy Homicide.

All set.

Get the fuck away from me!

Ready.

Take Two. Rolling.

Elvis Im going to fucking kill you!

Ok, cut.

Ok let me try it again.

Take two, rolling.

Alright Homicide hands up! We know who you really are.

What the hell!

Get the fuck out of here.

Stupid humans.

You havent fucking seen the last of me.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Turn off that octive reverb you asshole!

Too many evil spirits.

Teddy Homicide is back.

Now prepare to die!

Looks like I need my little tissue.

How did that hurt? That hurts!

Willy look out!

Farewell me lovely.

So you like to try messing with me?

Shrimp!

Get up like you can fight back!

Damn shame. Look at that mess you made! Wipe that up!

Its wearing off.

I got troubles now.

Oh damn Rachel.

Rachel Im sorry. Im sorry Im late.

But I was out partying with this cute lady cop.

My drums.

Homicide you broke my drums.

Serge at last we meet. Me old nemesis.

Whats this old nemesis crap? I humped your amps for two weeks

I know that but it sounds more dramatic the other way.

Sorry about your drums. Allow me to make amends.

Oh my drums! Oh that bastard!

Hey, you.

Come on Willy. Come on wake up.

Wake up Willy damnit.

Hey you get to fire your machine gun.

- Hey you cant smoke in here. - Fuck him.

You look like it came out of a Cusinart.

Yeah what of it.

Hey I was just asking is all.

Hey youre not a bad looking number, hey.

- Turn around. - Hey.

You got a nice bit of tail there.

How about showing me some of it?

You cant talk to me like that.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Im Homicide. Teddy Homicide.

I dont believe it. Youre alive.

I always knew you were still alive.

I was your biggest fan. I have all albums on CD.

You have me albums on civil defense?

I used to have such a crush on you.

I wanted to see you guys when you toured with social disease.

But my mom wouldnt let me go cause I was only thirteen.

- Oh my god. - You had a crush on me?

Regular machine guns arent ay good on this guy.

Get some other goodies from my bag.

Woah! That I think should do nicely.

Wait a minute. I got to pay it forward.

You guys go ahead I got to make a phone call.

- What? - Trust me on this one. Go!

Come on well take the stairs, faster.

Yeah hello is this 555-ZINC?

- Debbie you slut! - Unhand her!

Stop right there! One move and Ill kill this wench.

Destroy them. Fire that thing Willy!

Oh Debbie, Debbie come on. Please be ok honey.

You owe me fifty bucks.

Come on he is heading to Central Park. Lets go.

You got him Willy.

You missed him Willy.

Im shooting him and nothing is happening.

- Damn he took evasive action. - Look there he is.

Oh boys!

You got me!

Youve hit the tree.

My friend! So good to see you.

Great to see you guys but I got get out of here.

You come celebrate with us.

I really love to chat but...

You dont wear city camouflage in the woods.

Green mate! You got to wear green in a forest.

Did you see him?

I gotta get out of here.

But you are wearing purple. You look like a big moose.

Lets go! We gotta get out of here now!

Anything just hurry up alright.

Look at me darling, read my mouth, theres danger involved.

Every toilet in this whole town can blow up.

And Im not taking responsibility.

Fine Percible I will accept the responsibility!

- Just do it! - Ok its done.

Give me this liquid stuff.

Hold that.

Lets do religious things.

There he goes! Come on!

You get him that time! Nothing stops him!

(voice: I hear your request. Percible and hearby grant it. )

(voice: I summon the spirit of Teddy Homicide.)

(voice: From across the sky.)

Youll never take me alive!

(voice: I return him to the toilet of incarceration.)

(voice: You Percible must complete the exorcism.)

(voice: So that God,shit, Travis can be free.)

(voice: You must vanquish the evil. Than normalcy restored).

(voice: Ashes to ashes. Flesh to flesh.

(voice: I return you to the toilet.)

(voice: Back to the toilet with you.)

Travis, Travis!.

Are you alright?

How do I know its him Percy?

- Say something! - Ow! Ow!

Say something, say something!

Can we get married now?

I dont know Rachel.

Ah! Its you!

Excuse me. Excuse me!

How about thank you to Percy?

Thank you.

Oh youre welcome. Its least I can do for only sister.

Thank you.

Youre welcome. Youre welcome sweetheart.

Percible?

(music)