Original subtitles

Where do I start?

Its not you.

Well, actually, it is you.

Look, Im just not-

Im not attracted to you any more.

I need space.

You kinda-

You kinda gross me out.

In the beginning, it was different. In the beginning, you were better.

But then I got to know you real well, and...

I- I came to realize...

that youre a fat idiot.

- I got ya. I got ya. I got ya. I got ya. - Okay. Okay.

- Okay, okay, okay. Let me try it. - You gotta be straight.

- Okay. - Straight face. - Okay, okay. - All right.

- I want a divorce. - Why?

Its a physical thing.

- Physical? - Ive been experimenting with other men lately.

A lot of other men and women.

I dont know. I mean, Antonio can do this thing with his tongue...

and Williams stamina is amazing.

And as far as hands go, well, your fathers hands are-

You are no match. I have no equal.

Get down here.

If the shoe fits

I want you to wear it and wear it good

Sulkin about them times when I was by myself

I was always lookin for somebody else

But as time went on I had a talk with my mind

Friends like you and you I gotta leave behind

And Im sayin´ call me a fool ´CCause you only rub it in

- And Ill never see you if I had known - I´lll never see them again

Cause, well I know the difference Just stay in my own business

And Ill never, ever depend on you

Friends and enemies around me every day

I cant believe the things they say

Takin me for granted Give me no credit at all

Ill just keep bouncin´ like a bouncin´ ball

I dont wanna step on nobody´ss foot but

You call me a fool but you only rub it in

And Ill never see you if I had known

Ill never see that again

Cause, well I know the difference Just stay in my own business

And Ill never, ever depend on you

B- B-B-Brickmans! B- B-Brickman´ss Powerboats!

Get it? Brickmans sells powerboats.

We make the company mascot a powerboat. What do you think?

- I like it. Good work, Alan. - Yes!

- Zachary, youre up. - All right. I just wanna show you-

- Ladies and gentlemen, Zachary! - Yes, sir. No-

I havent taken these to the focus group yet. I´mm still working on that part.

But I just wanted to let you know these are just preliminary sketches.

Zach.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the new mascot for Hidy Ho Cookies-

Zippy!

What- What is it?

- Zippy. - What is Zippy?

- Hes a cookie man. - He´ss a cookie man?

What is that, uh, on the ground behind him?

Oh, thats a trail of chocolate chips. See, wherever Zippy goes...

he leaves this magical trail of chocolate for all the boys and girls-

Magical? This- This looks like poop. It looks like piles of poop.

- It looks like Zippys walking around, ju- just crapping all over the place. - Stop.

- It looks like- - No, no. Those are chocolate chips.

- Emma, what do you think it looks like? - Excrement.

Zach, lets just say you´rre about to take a big bite of a juicy chocolate chip cookie?

Whats the last image you want floating through your head?

- Excrement? - Excrement. Right.

Listen, I wanna go out on a limb here. Im gonna say maybe we should avoid...

all bowel-related items with this particular product.

- Just a hunch, you know? - Ill work up something different.

- All right. Thanks. - Nick Beams office.

- Oh, hi, Ann. - Ooh, aah- - Its your wife.

Everybody out. Big business deal.

- Hello. - Now were still on for tonight. You stood me up twice, you know?

Its a done deal. New York Philharmonic. Last night in town.

Ill be escorting the sexiest woman in the world.

- What about me? - Well bring ya.

Oh, guess what? My sister left a message on the machine.

And shes coming in with her fiance next Friday.

- No. Oh, wow. - Yeah!

I finally get to meet the mysterious queen of the Peace Corps.

Yes, you do. Hey, can you pick em up?

Yeah, sure. When is it?

A week from today.

I think itll be around 10:30. I´mm not sure. I´lll have to check.

P.B. wants to see you A.S.A.P.

Sorry, honey, I gotta go. Theres an onslaught of initials coming at me.

- Okay. Tell him hello. - I will.

- I hate you. - Me too. Bye.

- Philip. - Nick.

Oh, oh! Bungee jumping. Sunday.

Nick!

- No thanks, Phillip. - P.B.

No thanks, P.B.

- Nick? - P.B.?

Okay, okay. Okay, forget it.

- This guy is new. - Yeah. What do you think?

Uh, I think he likes me.

Niroog, the fertility god.

Boy, I like looking at this. Handmade in the Paleolithic period.

Had to sacrifice my Ides of March gold aureus in trade.

Pity. But, uh, I think worth it.

So, which one of you wanted to see me?

- Charles McGinty is coming in at 5:00. - The Charles McGinty?

- ´MMcGinty Crackers´´´ Charles McGinty? - The very same. - Fantastic.

Anyway, I was supposed to have dinner with McGinty tonight. Id love for you to stand in for me.

Oh, no, uh, s- Phillip, I- I promised Ann I-I would-

Nick. Oh, Nick. You gotta help me out here.

I dont get this lucky every day.

- Look, if this is about a woman- - Youre a pal. I gotta go.

- It just needs to be- - Guess who just called?

- Anns divorce lawyer? - McGinty´ss secretary. He´ss rescheduling.

- All right! Yes! - Want me to get Ann on the line?

No, Im gonna try to beat her home. I wanna surprise her.

This is great, huh?

- The wife again? - No, actually I just met this incredible brunette on the elevator.

Well, Im jealous. What would I have to do to get flowers all the time?

- You dont get flowers all the time? - Nope.

Thats a crime.

Grab it! Grab it!

Thats right. That´ss right.

Phillip.

Hey, asshole, get outta the road!

Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump

I say fight, Youre outta the corner a day late, a dollar short

Friday mornings most people dont get

You change your life from left to right You get your wit tracks tight

Must be testing the master

The under hood the underworlds under man

Never mind being understood Long as we understand

You cant twist transistor mixing friends

Soldiers over here dont snitch They bitch and bit

All hours while the crowds peepin in

Welcome to hell, bitch.

Car, keys, wallet. Now!

Dyou hear what I said?

Okay. Now you listen, and you listen good.

This is a gun. Okay? Dont be fuckin´ around with no gun, white boy.

Helen Keller, Im talkin´ to you.

I know you hear what the fuck Im sayin´ to you.

Boy, did you pick the wrong guy on the wrong day.

Oh!

Oh, shit.

Oh, youre trying to lock me- U- U-Unlock the door.

Stop, motherfucker! Stop the car! Stop the car!

Youre driving on the sidewalk, man! People got to walk there!

Pull over, man! White boy, I said pull over!

Yo, man, theres a truck.

I said, yo, man, theres a truck.

Yo, man, theres a truck right there. Stop!

What about my wallet? You wanted to rob me, didnt you?

Yes. I distinctly remember you wanting to rob me.

Heres my wallet. You want it?

Here it is. Here. Here. Right out there.

- What you doin, man? That was money. - Oh, I´mm sorry. I got something else for you.

Im blind! I can´tt see shit.

The honeys dug my eyes. The honeys loved my eyes.

All right, you win, man. All right? Is that what you wanna hear? You win.

What the fuck?

No, you aint one of them desert slashers, are you?

Cut a person body up and leave it out in the desert in little tiny pieces and shit, huh?

Oh, shit! We are in the fucking desert.

Im in the car with a psycho, freaky, Jason hack-killer motherfucker.

Hey, please dont kill me, freaky Jason.

I said, please dont kill me, freaky Jason.

I done fucked around and caught a ride with the wrong white boy!

- Get out. - With pleasure.

´SSayo-fuckin´-- nara,´´´ pal.

I cant feel my ass.

My ass just fell asleep.

I didnt even know an ass could fall asleep!

Its all tingly and shit!

Come on, man. You cant leave me out here.

Yo, man! You cant just leave me out here.

Okay, Ill make a deal with you.

You drive me home, Ill forget about this whole kidnapping shit.

Oh, come on.

Hello. You tried to rob me.

You had a gun to my head.

Look, I told you the gun wasnt loaded.

You got yourself into this.

You know what you are? Youre a bad person. You´rre an armed robber.

Dont expect me to feel sorry for you.

Excuse me. Is there a problem here?

- Yes. - Is this man botherin you?

- Yes, he is. - Oh, so youre just gonna come right at the brother.

Why dont you ask if he´ss bothering me?

Lady, for all you know, I could be Denzel Washington.

Take a good look.

He could be some celebrity stalker.

Im gonna have to ask you to pay for this coffee now...

cause I´vve seen these things escalate before.

No problem. My wallet.

Wow! Looks like the celebrity stalker dont have a wallet.

Oh, well, thank you. I will get your change, sir.

What? You want me to thank you? So I owe you a buck.

How was you goin to get gas? You don´tt have no money, no credit cards.

No I.D.

Shit, man.

Okay. All right.

You give me money for gas and Ill take you back.

Im cool. I´mm- I´mm straight.

As a matter of fact, I- you know, I like it out here in the desert.

You know, you get all sweaty and shit.

Just bubbling off your ass. Just- What?

I just remembered.

I have a spare credit card in the side compartment.

Uh-huh, right here!

Whats up?

Whats up, white boy? W- W-What´ss up, huh?

Come on, come on. What ya got?

Huh? Look at you. You done fucked around and got dropped.

Get the fuck outta here.

- What? - You hit like a ole girl, man.

Get the fuck on out of here, man. Go about your business.

Motherf-

What the hell is this, your merry-go-round move?

Yo, I understand.

Aha!

Thank you.

Hey. Oh, shit.

I didnt know it was expired. I never use it.

So why are you out here?

- What do you care? - Im curious.

Im a student of human nature.

Youre a freak of human nature.

Thats all right. I forgive you.

Its clear you have woman problems.

Youre way off base.

- Im off base? - Yeah. Way off base.

- She mess around on you? - Look.

Even if I wanted to talk about it- which I dont- it wouldn´tt be with you.

You give her some nastiness? I know you gave her some serious nastiness.

- Just forget it. - What about him? Did you fuck him up?

Did you whoop his ass? I bet you hit that motherfucker with a bat, didnt ya?

Kling! Pow! Fucked his ass up, didnt ya?

No, wait a minute. You capped him. You capped that motherfucker, didnt you?

Thats why you out here in the desert, ain´tt ya?

Look. I didnt shoot him. I didn´tt say anything to my wife. I just left.

- What do you mean, you just left? - Just left. I-

I saw them doing you know...

and I walked away.

What a pussy.

No wonder your woman is sneaking behind your back, man.

Know what your problem is? You dont have the respect of your woman, man.

Thats what it is. Me, I got all that.

I go home, my dinners on the table.

Bam! I dont wanna hear shit, woman.

- And if I want lovin- if I´mm in the mood- I get that too. - You´rre so full of shit. What would you have done?

Man, I would have went back to that house and Id have pulled a Terminator on the front door.

Boom, boom, boom! Who the fuck do you think youre playin´ with, woman?

Who do you think I am, some fruity pie? I aint no fruity pie.

Im- I´mm Nick Beam.

Thats what I told her. I´mm Nick Beam.

And Nick Beam aint puttin´ up with that bullshit.

Shed have been crying, you know? ´´´OOh, Nick, oh, Nick, please take me back.

Please, please, Nick. It was only one time. ´

Im gonna ´´´oone time´´´ your ass. Nick Beam is the master of his fate...

the ruler of his destiny.

So if you wanna cry on somebodys shoulder, why don´tt you cry on Superdick?

As for Nick Beam, Im fit, lit...

and I damn sure aint takin´ no shit.

So you can get the fuck out.

Thats what I woulda told the bitch.

Thats what I told the bitch.

- What the- - Hey, hold it. Hold it.

Break it up. Break it up. Whats goin´ on here?

Should I pay cash, or do you wanna use your credit card?

Ah, fu- Oh- Ah- Oh, shit.

- Put the money in the bag. Put the money in the fuckin bag! - Okay.

- Shit. - Lets go! Put the money in the fuckin´ bag.

Shit.

You werent gonna leave without me, were you?

- What do you think youre doing? - There´ss a special they got goin´ on.

You get a free stack of cash with every fill-up. Some luck, huh?

How stupid can you be?

- We better get out of here. - You take that money back.

- Im serious, man. We better get goin´.. - We´lll get goin´ as soon you bring back that money.

- Im not bullshittin´!! Move out! - I´mm not going anywhere until you return-

Here we go.

- Why? Why? Why? - I didnt have any money, man.

- Oh, you had money. - No. No. That five dollars I gave the waitress was it.

- What the- - Oh, great. Bufords come to kill us.

- Persistent hillbilly motherfucker. - He has every right to be.

You robbed him at gunpoint. You dick!

Hey, hey, youre the one who threw the wallet out the fuckin´ window.

Smart.

Great!

Oh, shit.

- All right, man. What you doin? - Come on, asshole.

Well, would you look at these crazy sons a bitches?

Oh, shit. We gonna die. Pull off the fuckin road.

Man, would you pull off the fuckin road!

Oh, shit!

- Oh, shit! - Oh, shit.

Hey, Earl.

Oh, sh-

Im alive! You alive!

Howd you know that hillbilly was gonna turn first?

You did know he was gonna turn first, didnt ya?

You know what? It dont even matter.

Im alive! You alive, man!

- Get out! - What? - Get out!

What are you even thinking when you do something like that?

- You think youre never gonna get caught? - We didn´tt get caught.

Thats not the point. It´ss beetleheaded.

Its- It´ss only a matter of time before you do get caught.

- What is beetleheaded? - Its a synonym for ´´´sstupid. ´´´

Oh. Well, heres a synonym for ´´´pprocreation. ´´´ Fuck you!

Its easy for you to point the finger when you´rre sittin´ on your rich ass in a big fuckin´ house.

- Im not rich. - Oh, yeah.

- How bigs your TV? - What?

- I say, how bigs your TV? - Fifty-inch.

- Get in the car. - Oh, please. Lets not make this a social issue.

The point is that even if you wanted to rob a place, there are smarter ways to do it.

- Enlighten me. - A mask. Wear a mask.

You see, the police have this thing called a ´llineup... ´´´

and if someone recognizes you, you go to jail!

Oh, how about this for a novel idea? Case the place first.

Find out if theres a security camera or a hidden alarm.

Then again, why even rob a convenience store?

How much money could you possibly get? Two, three hundred dollars?

Then what? Youre set for two days! Wow!

- What do you know, lanky? - I know you go for the big score.

One robbery, youre set.

News flash, big slim.

People with big money, they protect it.

So you do a little research. Take Quality Design Group where I work.

My boss keeps a ton of cash in his vault.

At night, theres only two guards and a personal security system.

Now, in this case, I happen to even know the code.

But even if I didnt, I-

What?

I got a booger in my nose?

What?

Diversify.

You cant trust banks, Nick.

The entire system could crumble at any second.

That bastards so heavily leveraged, it would wipe him out.

Wait a minute. Am I hearing you right?

Mr ´HHigh and Mighty´´´ is gonna rob his boss?

You hear that, gila monsters?

Old Nick Beam here is gonna rob his boss!

I say, do you hear that, gila monsters?

You know what, Nick? Your wife really messed your head up bad, man.

Youre serious?

- How much he got? - Only the bulk of his personal assets.

- Six, seven hundred thousand. - You what?

- Hey, you gonna need some help. - Oh, no, this has nothing to do with you.

Hey, I was present at the time of creative inspiration...

which entitles me to partial ownership...

in this criminalistic endeavour.

- Get out. - Maybe Ill just call Quality Design Group when we get back.

I want half.

Were gonna bury this asshole.

Sure, youre right.

If you ever plan

To motor West

Travel my way Take the highway

Thats the best

Come on Get your kicks

On Route Sixty-

Six

Well, it winds from Chicago

To L.A.

More than 2,000 miles

- Highway shooters? - One black, one white. You tell me?

You were there, and they got away?

They were driving a 1996 Yukon.

- Licence? - You know, if I had a licence number, Bart, I wouldnt be standing here...

- eating large quantities of shit, now, would I? - No, sir.

Monitor calls on both sides of the border. Fax that photo to every precinct on the planet.

Theres so much as a sneeze out there I wanna feel the mist.

I hear a voice

- Give me all your money and a Yoo Hoo. - The moneys all locked up.

Thatll be 79 cents, please.

I said Come on, little prisoner

I got something to say

Something stinks, man.

You sure you aint got a gas leak?

- Its my shoes. - Your shoes?

You ever heard of Dr Scholls?

I spilled some gas on my shoes at the gas station.

You know, the one you robbed.

- Oh, so you got a camcorder up in here. - What are you doing?

Im just checkin´ it out, man.

- Pu- Pu- Put it down. - I aint gonna break it, man.

Just let me check it out. Just let me see.

Yo, this is your wife?

Man, I see why you were upset.

Not bad, Nick. Not bad, Nick.

I mean, you know, for a cheatin bitch.

Look, dont you call her that.

You- You dont know her. Don´tt call her that.

Okay. No disrespect. Okay?

What should I call her?

Monogamously challenged?

- God. - I was just fuckin with you, man.

You know, this is an all right camera for a regular eight.

- Its the best on the market. - Let me explain something to you, Nick.

If you aint got digital, you ain´tt got shit.

This has only got one C.C.D. chip.

Broadcast has three, Nick.

Dont look at me like that. What, are you surprised I know shit?

The guy that sold me that camera just set up our computer network.

- Windows NT? - No. Just Windows.

- Man, get out of here with that shit. - Look, heres a nutty idea.

If you actually know something about this stuff, why not use that knowledge and get a job?

Take a good look at me.

- Im not exactly the corporate colour. - That´ss ridiculous.

- If you wanted a job, you could have one. - Theres a spider on your head.

- What? - Theres a spider on your head.

Look, I am sorry. I am not up on all this...

jive-talkin, homeboy lingo.

Whats that supposed to mean, there´ss a spider on your head?

It means: Theres a spider on your motherfuckin´ head, man.

Well, get it off! Get it off, get it off!

- I aint touchin´ that shit. - Get it off!

Get it off, get it off, get if off, get if off!

- Get it off! - Yo, thats a big fuckin´ spider, man.

Oh, shit!

Nick, its just a spider.

Im a scat man

No, no. Now dont go crazy.

- Yeah, you go, boy. - Im a scat man

Hold on, let me focus. Let me focus on this shit.

Im a scat man

Oh, shit.

You got the hot foot! Yo, Nick!

Get on the good foot. Get on the good-

Aw, got it!

Im a scat man

Im a scat man

I gotta make a call. You pump.

- Give me the gun. - What?

Give me the gun.

Man, I wasnt gonna rob the place, man.

Then you wont need this.

Then you wont need this.

You must be really fast.

Twenty dollars on pump number 15 and a sour fruity twist.

- You a cop? - No.

You bastards have tried this too many times!

- Oh, listen- - Shut up!

- I wasnt gonna- - Shut up.

Emmitt County Sheriffs Station. Hello. Hello.

- Uh- - Yes, may I help you?

That show, Cops...

I love it.

Have you ever had a really bad day?

Im havin´ one right now.

Now, look, baby, I told you Id be home later.

Now, this guy say he got a job for me, okay, payin big money.

Okay, now, please, dont argue with me. Not-Not now. All right?

Ill see you later. Okay.

Oh, oh. Oh.

Now all I wants $20 on pump number 15 and a sour fruity twist.

- Is that too much to ask? - No, sir.

- Do you mind if I take your gun? - No, sir.

Would you please rip the phone cord out of the wall?

- What? - Would you rip the phone cord out of the wall, please?

Thank you. This is for the phone and for the gun and for the sour fruity twist.

And $20 on pump number 15. Go on.

- Thank you for your patience. - Yes, sir.

Le- Let me get this straight.

Its all right for you to rob a place, but it ain´tt all right for me?

I didnt rob him.

Well, you got a funny way of not robbin a motherfucker.

Nick, lets get out of here, man, before he calls the cops.

- Hes not gonna call the cops. - How do you know?

I had him rip the phone cord out of the wall.

Oh, shoot. Thats pretty good.

And you got his gun?

Not bad, Nicholas. Not bad.

Charlie, this shits depressing the shit out of me. It´ss makin´ me sad.

What? Oh, come on, man. This shit is the shit.

- This is the shit. Its supposed to make you sad. - It´ss grim.

Oh, man, come on. This is the shit.

This shit is the shit. This is the hellified love music.

- Im in bad shape over here. - Ah, man, you know, maybe I can...

tune you in to a nice A.M. station and get you some Donny Osmond.

- Charlie, whats this? Slow down. - Get the fuck out of here.

Pull over and turn the headlights off.

Yo, man, you couldve gotten me a piece of licorice.

- Its sour. - So.

Still couldve gotten me a piece.

- I didnt think of it. - Oh, you didn´tt think of it.

Just selfish, man. Guess thats the world.

- You know? You just- You just selfish. - Here.

Damn.

I swear, white people must got totally different taste buds, man.

Thats a very racist thing to say.

Oh, yeah? Good.

What the f-

- Oh, shit! - Whoa, theyre rammin´ us.

Thanks for the late-breakin news. Step on the gas, Nick!

I hate new cars.

Whoa!

Look at his face, man.

Look, man!

Our turf, baby.

They dont look like cops.

Definitely not cops.

Get out of the car.

- There you go. - All right, motherfuckers, back the fuck off!

Oh, shit. Its cool.

Oh, yeah, Im cool. We cool.

I was just fuckin with y´aall, man.

Hey, whats up? Y´aall-Y´aall live around here?

Bring your ass around the front of the car.

Come on, baby. Come on, baby. There you go. There you go.

- All right. Okay. Oh, shit. - Uh-huh. Watch your feet. - Uh-huh.

Come on, rubber legs. Lets go. Watch where you´rre walkin´..

Watch- Watch your feet. There you go, baby.

Perhaps you two havent heard that my partner and I here...

own the rights to all violent crime on this particular stretch of highway.

And we dont take kindly to any unauthorized criminal activities.

You dont understand. We were-

- Oh, shit. - Thats my car.

- Can I have your attention, please? - Yeah.

I bet you used to sell more Girl Scout cookies than any other member of the whole troop, didnt ya?

What were you calling yourself back then? Yolanda, you little bitch?

Cynthia? Susan? What was it? I cant remember.

- Hey, guys, I will be gentle. Dont even worry about it. - Huh?

Now- Now, dont even worry.

Uh-huh.

I have these.

Oh, now thats not gonna be enough.

Whered you put your booty?

Now Ive done it. I finally found someone I like less than you.

Shit. Thats a fancy case, friend.

You know, when a sweet-mouthed girl like you has a fancy case like this...

a man gets to thinkin where´ss the wallet?

Thats it. We´rre dead, man.

Im gonna need that wallet, Alice.

Wheres that big, fat wallet? Give it to me.

Give me your fuckin wallet, you little bitch.

- You know what? - Nick, Nick, what you doin?

Im sure you´rre a really scary guy.

Im sure that, normally, people just quiver at the very sound of your voice.

But, you see, I, I cant see that right now.

I- I-I just see a weak, desperate little man...

that probably grew up torturing little animals.

Some puny, little uncoordinated...

cant-make-the-football-team- so-I´lll-pick-on-third-graders- and-steal-their-lunch-money...

punk, jerk-off bully...

that one day wakes up and realizes hes nothing.

Just a sad, pathetic, useless, illiterate piece of inbred shit.

I just want you to know, I totally disagree.

- Time to die. - That just makes you my best friend.

All right, drop the fuckin gun.

Drop the fuckin gun!

Give me this, motherfucker.

Now back the fuck up before I kick you in your bitch-ass chin.

Back the fuck up! I said, back the fuck up!

Didnt I say, back the fuck up? Everybody, back the fuck up.

Oh!

Shit.

- You shot me. - Im sorry, Nick.

- Put down the gun. - Shut up.

- You shot me. - I said, Im sorry, man. I- I-I didn´tt mean it.

The gun just went off.

You know, I have that same trouble in bed.

Well, rarely. Every once in a great while.

- Put down that gun, you idiot. - Would you shut up? Im shot here.

You shut the fuck up. Who the hell do you think you are?

- You shut the fuck up! You shut the fuck up! - Huh? Look at yourself, you candy-ass-

- Man, you shut the fuck up. - You shut the fuck up. - Shut up!

- Put down the gun! - Hey, hey, hey! - Put that fucking gun down before you take a fucking toe hit.

- You shut the fuck up! - I dont give a shit! - Shut the fuck up! - Candy-ass motherfucker!

- Shut the fuck up, man! - Shut the fuck up! - Hey, hey, hey!

Hey! Everybody, shut the fuck up!

Now, everybody, shut the fuck up!

Especially you. Shut the fuck up.

You like Girl Scout cookies? Come here. Come here.

You want cookie? Heres a cookie.

Now back the fuck up like I done told you two dumb-ass mother-

Back up, back up.

Get in the car, Nick! Look at you now.

Thats good.

Bye, cowboys!

Nick, why the hell you start up with that guy, man?

- You shot me. - Im sorry.

- You shot me. - Im sorry.

You dont say you´rre sorry when you shoot someone.

You say youre sorry when you step on someone´ss toe...

or you accidentally break their glasses...

or you, you fart while theyre eating.

You- You dont say you´rre sorry when you shoot someone!

Shit.

Oh, my God. Its going numb. It´ss going numb. It´ss going numb.

What?

Shit.

Oh, my God!

Nick, thats the most hideous thing I ever seen.

Hey, yo, man, you know, maybe if you wrap your arm in ice...

they can reattach it.

Thats funny, man.

- Thats a baby gash. - Shut up.

- But its a baby gash. - It could´vve been a lot worse. It could´vve been a lot worse!

- It couldve been, but it wasn´tt. I´mm gonna- - What are you thinking, shooting?

Look, just calm down, all right?

Youre gonna upset your wound.

Yeah. Do you folks want a lift somewhere?

- Where you from? - London.

- Me too! - Really?

- Yeah! - Thats terrific.

Hop in me car. Lets go then. Come on. Jump in. Let´ss go.

- Oh, this is great. - Hey, would you scoot over a smidgen?

Sorry about that. Cheers, mate.

- Nick Beam. - Where we headed?

L.A.

City of Angels.

So where you plan on stayin tonight?

- Ill just sleep in the car. - Yeah, right.

You can stay at my place, brother.

Thanks. Well, just for the night.

What? Did you think I was asking you to move in?

- No, I was just sayin- - Please, Mr Beam.

- Stay with me forever. - Just shut up.

- Mr Beam. - Shut up.

- Mr Beam, Mr Beam, Mr Beam. - You know how to shut up?

- Mr Beam. - Is it in your vocabulary?

- Stay with me forever, Mr Beam. - Is it possible? Do you ever shut up?

Will you stay with me forever, Mr Beam?

Look here. When you meet my wife...

she dont know nothin´ about my sideline gig.

- You mean she doesnt know you´rre a thief? - Hey, I´mm not a thief, okay?

I just dabble in future used goods.

- Well, what does she think you do all day? - Look for work, man.

Maybe if you did look for work, you wouldnt have to steal.

Dont judge me.

You stepped on my shoe.

See, I dont usually get in this late.

Baby, am I glad to see you.

No, no, no. No, talk to me. Explain this to me now.

I got mugged.

- Okay, I didnt get mugged. - I got-

- I got mugged. He got beat up. - Thank-

Remember how I was tellin you I had a job interview?

Baby, thats him. He right there.

Thats the player right there.

My names Nick. Nick Beam. Nice to meet you.

When are you gonna stop gettin into trouble, Terrance?

- Terrance? - ´TT.´´´

Okay? My friends call me ´TT.´´´ You can kiss my ass. Boo!

- Okay, Terrance. - Oh, Mama.

Please go on back to bed, Mama.

What kind of man stays out till 2:30 in the morning...

then comes back lookin like a bruised turd?

- Mama, I aint- - Don´tt you talk back.

Dont talk back to your mother.

W- What- Whatd I do?

You got that slap cause you with him.

- And I know youre part of whatever badness he´ss into. - Mama, enough.

You got some explainin to do in the morning, Mr Gentleman.

Now you think on that.

Why do you keep on smackin me, Mama?

Okay.

- Shh. - No, go ahead. Go ahead.

- Okay. - Oh.

Okay, now you come here. Come here.

Mama didnt have to smack me three times.

- We gotta move out of here. - I know.

- I know. - I heard gunshots.

Hey, there, boy. Hey, what you doing up this late, pal?

Huh? Whats up? What are you doing up this late?

Oh, honey, we woke you.

Now look, dont worry. Give Daddy a kiss. Come on.

Dont worry. I ain´tt gonna let nothin´ happen to y´aall. You know that, right?

- What happened to your face? - No, Im cool, little man.

Hey, you do your homework?

- Yes, sir. - I said, did you do your homework?

- Hmm? Hmm? - Y- Yes, sir.

- What about you, little miss? Did you do all your homework? - I dont have any homework.

You dont have no homework? All right, time to go back to bed. Let´ss go.

Hut-two-three-four Make a right at the right door

Make your choice cause you got to grow up to be successful

- I hope this isnt an inconvenience for you. - Not at all.

You seem like a nice man. Terrance can use a few of those in his life.

- Good night. - Good night.

Thanks.

Hey.

You know, I never noticed before, but you got really nice eyes.

- Shut up! - But you do.

Lets get this over with. I can´tt believe it. I´mm committing armed robbery for two flashlights.

Hey, dont worry about it. Let´ss go.

Freeze, motherfucker!

You move your ass so much as an inch, Ill blow it off!

- You hear me, motherfucker? - Hey. - You hear me? What?

- Why you acting so mean? - Hey, look, man. Now aint the fuckin´ time, all right?

- You say scary shit, it scares em. - Yeah, but you have a gun.

Plus, what youre doing is a stereotypical robber thing.

I mean, its a lot scarier if someone with a gun is calm and cool and collected, man.

- Thats bullshit, man. Don´tt- - Here.

Excuse me, sir. Come here.

Come here. Come here.

Now, look, Henry...

were gonna take some things outta here...

and youre just gonna stand there.

- You got a problem with that? - No.

Good.

Now, honestly, which one did you think was scarier?

- Honestly? - Mm-hmm.

He was scarier.

Really? You didnt find what he did contrived?

- No. It was scary. - Well, what part?

Well, the, uh, ´FFreeze, motherfucker´´´ part was scary.

And then he led me to believe that if I moved my ass...

it, it might be blown off.

- You were scary too. - Oh, come on. Youre just saying that. You don´tt have to lie.

No, Im not. I thought you were very scary.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Well, thank you, Henry. - Yo, check it out.

Theyre flashlights with A.M./F.M. radio on it.

They all that. You can listen to your music while the lights on, boy.

All right, all right!

Come on. Come on.

Freeze, sucker-bitch!

That was much better.

Thank you, Henry. See ya later now.

What the hell is ´ssucker-bitch´´´??

I wanna live in the jungle

Where you dont got to wear no clothes

And they got no boutiques

Nothin chic

In the jungle they dont have no disco

Yo, yo, Rig!

Hey, yo, Rig!

Yeah, come on over here and meet Ginger and Mary Ann.

Ow! God!

Charlie, we gotta go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go

Go, go, go, go, go, go

- Break, break - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go

- Hey, Nick, what floor is it on? - Fifteenth.

- What- What- What fifteenth? - Come on.

Why cant we just use the elevator?

- Cause there´ss a guard that patrols the building. - This is bullshit!

Come on, man. Its Saturday night. They´rre not gonna be there anyway.

Look, I know were gonna go back Monday and we´rre gonna get him.

I just wanna check it out. Take a left here, will you?

You seriously busted up my party. You know that.

Those girls were attracted to you. I mean, Christs sake, they´rre only human.

- Youre a handsome man. We will go back. - I´lll hold you to that.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm. Whats the matter with you?

- You sharp. - Okay. - Yeah.

Beat you.

- I carried the damn bag. - I still beat you.

Beat me at what? Climbing steps?

Guess well call you the ´´´SStep King. ´´´

Oh, shit.

No problem. I know the code.

- What? - Come on. Come on.

Shit! That asshole mustve changed the code.

Step aside. Let me take a look. Let me take a look.

Okay, let me look. Mm-hmm.

- What are you gonna do? - You got 12 possible stations here. Youre only using seven.

Im gonna make the other five stations active, run a test mode...

and force the system into rotation.

What does that mean?

We got five minutes.

Here. Put on your mask.

Is that mask sweaty? I think thats the one I hid behind my balls.

All right.

- Yeah, all right. - All right, all right.

Ooh, yeah. Lets go. We got three minutes. Let´ss go.

- Lookin good. - Yeah.

Put the money in there. Lets go. All right. Let´ss go.

Here we go. Money. Money.

Lets go. Mask, mask.

Lets go, baby. Let´ss go, baby. Let´ss go!

What the hell are you doin? Nick?

Okay, thats real clever, Nick. Let´ss go.

Come on, man.

This is very nice. Its very nice. It´ss very nice.

Oh. I dont think I´vve ever seen a more beautiful piece of shit.

Nick. Nick!

Very nice. Very nice. Very nice.

Yeah!

Thats great. That´ss great. You done cut the dick off a statue.

Hows it feel, Phillip?

You had it all, but it wasnt enough for you. You had to mess with me.

Nobody messes with Nick Beam.

I feel lucky

I just feel that way

Im on a bus to Atlantic City

Later on today

- Your face, man. You showed your face. - It doesnt matter.

It does matter. They catch you, they catch me. It damn well matters!

- Im a winner - Hey, man, look at me.

Look at me, man. Im not goin´ down for this shit.

And now I know

Why Ive been sent

Little rump shaker She can really shake and bake

Shes got skills

- Watch her slippin and a slidin´ - Here, man!

- Makin booty left to right - Here!

Shes got skills

Hmm. The alarm mustve been set.

Addressing the groove I see youre drinkin´ again

Youre smokin´ smack inside your cigarettes and lookin´ pale and thin

Its a shame

Its a pity in New York City

Well

Well, well, well well, well

Something has changed

The way these people think

Hey there, lonely girl

Lonely girl

Let me make your broken heart like new

- Oh, shit. - Hey there, lonely-

White people.

Our dates.

Ohh, shit.

Oh-ho-ho. Look at this, man!

Mama-say, mama-sa, makusa! Oh, smack me two times!

Calm down.

My son is going to the best schools.

My daughter, she aint even gonna know what a food stamp is.

My wife, we goin out all the time.

All the time!

- Whats wrong with you, man? - Nothing.

You sweatin that bullshit, ain´tt you? You sweatin´ that bullshit.

You did what you had to do to that guy, man. Dont worry about it.

All right? Put that shit behind you, man. Where you goin?

Where you goin? Where you goin´??

Im just gonna- I´mm just gonna take a walk.

All right. Well, hurry back.

I got willpower, but I dont know how much.

You know what Im sayin´?? Yeah.

There is somethin

On your mind

By the way you look at me

There is somethin

On your mind, honey

Did you ever do somethin that you thought would make you feel great?

In a weird way, you almost feel worse.

Revenge, huh? Some things hurt no matter what.

That must be a fact of life.

- And what youre thinkin´ - Hi!

Hi! Nick.

I cant believe it. What are you doin´ here?

- Danielle. - Oops.

I dont know what I´mm doin´ here.

- What are you doin here? - Well, Sheila, my best friend-

Well, she used to be my best friend. I guess, technically, Marcy would be my best friend.

I mean, they both think theyre my best friend, which is okay by me.

But once I did have this nightmare where Sheila and Marcy are sitting...

right next to each other, and this Eskimo guy comes over and says, ´PPick. ´´´

I thought I was gonna die. I mean, an Eskimo guy. What is that all about?

Anyway, Sheila, shes visiting and she´ss staying here.

And so I thought Id take her to a party and show her a good time.

And she meets this guy and goes home with him instead. And, oh, well.

You really look good.

You look- You look good too.

- Thank you. - Do you want a drink?

Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.

You know, Im such a klutz. I spilled beer all over my dress earlier.

And, well, I think its stained. Did it stain, Nick?

I have Sheilas room key. You wanna come up?

- Lets get hot - Oh, yes, it´ss ladies´ night

And the vibes is right

Oh, yes, its ladies´ night Oh, what a night

Oh, what a night

Its ladies´ night and the feeling´ss right

Oh, yes, its ladies´ night Oh, what a night

Oh, what a night

Nick, Nick, use your key, man.

All right. All right, Nick. Damn!

- Hey, Nick, why couldnt you just use your key? - Turn your bed down?

Stay.

The lady is lookin good

- Just like the lady should - Just like the lady should

Ive been thinking about this for so long. I want you so bad.

I just wanted to make her happy.

This is gonna be a night that you wont forget.

I try to forget, but I cant.

- Give it to me, Nick. - Give. Thats all I did was give.

Nick? Nick, youre really putting a damper on the mood here.

Im sorry. I don´tt know.

Danielle, I cant. I just can´tt.

I just wanna make you mine

Well be together till the end of time

Hey, Kareem. Are you aware that Charlie and I...

had intended to come up here and cap your punk ass?

And your girlfriend Nick.

But, shit, you two muffins did such an outstanding job with this financing...

I mean, who could think about killing at a time like this?

Thanks. Your approval means a lot.

- Did I tell you to speak? Did I tell you to speak? - Charlie, no.

Thats gonna be too loud.

Too loud.

- Hello? Hello? - Hi.

Oh, my God! Nick, is that you? Are you okay?

- Im fine. - Oh, thank God!

I didnt know if, if you-

I thought that- Youre not hurt?

- No. - Oh, thank God! Where are you?

Look, Ann, lets not make this harder than it has to be. I saw you.

- What? - I saw you. I know.

Saw me what? What are you talking about?

Come on. Do you have to do this? You and Phillip.

- What about him? - Youre denying it. She´ss denying it.

I dont believe this. Friday afternoon. Remember?

Well, guess what. I came home early. I saw you, Ann.

- I was there. - Oh. Oh, no.

Yeah. Oh, no.

Nick, I was still at work Friday afternoon.

At work? Well, then your-your clone was at home screwing my boss.

Nick, it was my sister. Remember, I told you...

she was coming next Friday with her fiance?

Well, I made a mistake. It was this Friday. They called from the airport.

I told them about the key in the planter.

I called you, but youd already left the office.

So I left you a message on the machine at home.

What about - What about the cuff links? Phillips cuff links were on the sink, Ann.

Honey, theyve been in the dresser since the Christmas party.

I left them on the counter so youd finally remember to bring them to him.

So youre not having an affair?

- No, you dick! - You still love me?

More than anything in the world.

You- You wouldnt believe what I´vve been through.

Youre gonna laugh, but I actually- Shit.

- Whats the matter? What´ss wrong? - Shit!

- Whats the matter? What? - Shit!

Shit! Shit!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...

shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Going down.

- Dont touch it. - Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I think I can open the door and catch the sheet.

- Dont touch the sheet, please. Don´tt- - No, no, no.

- No, dont move. Don´tt move. - Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I done moved the hand.

I really dont think you should be moving right now. I - I think you´rre moving.

- Call the paramedics. Listen to me. - All right.

Get them here as fast as you can!

Have them meet me with a gurney.

- Wait. Let me practise. - Let you practise?

Im hangin´ on a fuckin´ ledge, man.

- I dont wanna die like this, Nick. - All right.

I wasnt tryin´ to stick you up, man!

First, Im gonna say ´´´oone. ´´´ Then I´mm gonna say ´´´ttwo. ´´´ Then I´mm gonna say ´´´tthree. ´´´

- And then Im gonna do it. - I can´tt hear you.

- Im gonna start with one and count to three! - Okay.

Ready? One.

- Right. - Two.

I cant hear you! You gotta be louder, Nick!

- I said, ´ttwo´´´!! - Are you on ´´´ttwo´´´ already?

- Ill start again! - Start from ´´´oone´´´!!

- One.. - Right. - Two.

- I got you. - Three!

- Nick! - I got it! I got it! Got it!

Well, you go, boy! You my-

The elevator! The money!

Remind me to kick your ass later.

Oh! Were rich, man!

- We are in the bigs. - Charlie. Charlie, smell that.

Oh, yes! You, too, can be a millionaire!

Hookers!

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, smell this.

More hookers!

- Hookers! - We hit the mother lode, man!

- What the fuck is that? - What the fuck-

- Okay. What now? - I dont know.

What do you mean, you dont know? I thought you said you had a plan.

- That was my plan: to ram them. - Ram them.

Speed up!

- Shoot the mother- Shoot him! - I got him! I got him!

- Shoot em! - Geez!

You know, Im tired of this shit. Let´ss go!

Charlie! Look out, Charlie!

Im actually grabbing a gun and going after bad guys.

You the man.

All right.

- You see em? - No.

Ill, uh- I´lll let you know.

Please do. Nick.

What?

- You checkin this shit out? - Hey, Nick.

I like you like this.

You and your prom date both having weapons.

That way I dont have to kill an unarmed couple. It´ss not my style.

Put down the bag.

- Paul Bunyan, come and take the bag. - Nick, let me-

- Youre an idiot! Shut up! - Shoot this mother- - No, you´rre a fuckin´ idiot!

Who are you? Crime dog now? Are you aware that theres only two kind of people on the whole planet?

There are killers, and then theres everybody else.

Im a killer, Nick. Yes, yes, yes, yes. What are you, Nick?

Im married.

Oh, you son of a- Wait, wait, wait.

Oh, shit!

What are you, fuckin out of your mind?

- Fuck! - What, are you crazy?

Huh? Whos in control now?

Hand over the bag...

or else my man Nick Beam here gonna put one in your ass.

Aint that right, Nick?

- Ill roll over. - Okay, I see it. I see it.

Let me try to get around and get you.

No, its not-

- No, theyre in the alley. - Charlie, it´ss the police. - Oh, yes!

- Thank God youre here. - Thank God you´rre here, man. - Oh, this nightmare´ss over.

- What the fuck are you doin? - Put the gun down!

Put that gun down, you stupid pig!

- Wait! Come on! - Come on, man!

Its them.

Well, some folks in Arizona are gonna be mighty happy to see you boys.

Wait, wait, wait! Officer! Officer! Officer, two other guys-

´II´mm married. ´´´ Ka-blam! You´rre too much.

- Is the money all there? - Looks like it.

Great. We have just enough time to get it back.

Excuse me?

We have to bring the money back.

No, no.

Maybe youre a little bit confused about the purpose of a robbery.

Oh, T., I didnt tell you. When we were at the hotel, I called my wife.

Everythings all right. You see, it wasn´tt her.

She wasnt even there. Isn´tt that great?

It was her sister and her sisters fiance.

I dont give a damn if it was her Uncle Fester and Gumby.

You aint takin´ this money anywhere, man.

I dont wanna hear all that.

- Let go. Let go. - Gimme the bag. You let go.

- Let go of the bag. You let- - Its not your money.

- Its not your money. - It´ss not your money!

- Its not yours. It´ss half mine. - Let go!

- You let go! - Let go! - You let go!

Let go!

Get back here!

- You okay? - Yeah, Im okay.

- And you? - Ill live.

Cant let you take the money, Nick.

T., my life is in that bag.

Nick, even if you wanted to take the money back, you cant.

- Your face is on the video, man. - They only review the tapes if somethings missing.

I can go into work early and bring it back. No onell know.

T.

I can get my life back.

You forget one thing, Nick. I get my life back too.

Money dont make my world go ´rround

Im reaching out for the higher ground

To a warm and peaceful place

I can rest my weary face

Lifes answers we try to find

Oh, we try to find Yes, we try to find

Battling inside our minds

Where do I go from here

Will all my friends be there

Cause we´rre living we´rre living

In a crazy maze

And were fighting we´rre fighting

To rise above the haze

Lights at the end of the tunnel

Sometimes the journeys long

There are many theories

Whos right and who´ss wrong

Pressures on I have to choose

Ive got nothing to lose

I close my eyes I take a chance

I- I, I now dance a different dance

Whats the key to a happy life

Tell me now, now, now

Healthy mind and lots of spice

Running barefoot through the trees

- Oh, my God! - Thats my idea of free

Ow. Ouch.

What happened to you?

Its a long story.

- I got shot. - What?

And I- I think Im wanted in Arizona.

Plus, my shoes caught on fire.

You told me you were selling me the top of the line. The top of the line is digital.

Did you sell me a digital? No, you did not.

So, Im bringing it back, and I expect a full refund.

And if you do not give me a full refund, you will not...

be doing business with myself or my company.

Thank you.

- So, did you hear? - What?

Some, uh, vandals broke in over the weekend.

- What? - Well, nothing was stolen. They- They cut the-

the thingy...

off P.B.s statue.

Um, theyre reviewing the videotape.

- Hi, everybody. Hows it going? - Not now, Nick.

- Did anybody see that game last night? - Game? What game?

- Oh, that game. Overtime. - Will you please shut up!

Dont touch it. Don´tt touch it. Oh, you pig. Oh, you pig.

Well, thats it. What´ss done is done. Listen.

Ive got this great idea for the new McGinty Cracker mascot.

- Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Thank you. - This mascot-

- This- - Nick! Shut up!

Whats happening?

Well, what is this? What the hell is this?

- I dont know. - You goin´ crazy as a spider!

Somebody mustve recorded over the tape.

- Who had access? - Uh, there was an electrician in here this morning.

What electrician? I did not order an electrician!

I did. The flickers on the- Fluorescent lights were flickering.

- Im really sorry, sir. - This is terrible, Phil.

- I would really like to be alone now. - Ill go now. - You should go.

- I would be really like to be alone. - You should go. - Ill leave now. - You should go too.

- I would like to be extremely alone for a minute. - Im gonna leave you alone.

Thank you very much. Thank you, Nick.

All right now. Cut that out. Yall wanna eat? You wanna eat?

- Yeah, we wanna eat. - I thought you wanna eat. You wanna eat? All right.

- Just dont burn the meat. - I don´tt never burn the meat.

- Uh-huh. What happened the last time? - Hey, Dad dont burn the meat.

- Im gonna put some more po-po sauce on it. Y´aall like that. - Joey. Tonya.

- Yeah, thats- - Go see your mama, boy. You know.

Now this is my very special mustard.

- Dont let nobody touch that. - Okay, Mama.

- All right. - Yeah.

So, hows the electrician business?

Hey. Not bad. The hours are a bitch.

I wanna thank you.

I dont know why- I just wanna say I appreciate what you did.

Well, dont mention it. How´ss that? How did you know where I was anyway?

A friend gave me a tip.

A friend, huh?

- You hungry? - Yes, we would love for you to join us.

Wouldnt we, Mama?

I talked to my boss today after things settled down.

Convinced him we need a new security system. Got any ideas?

Sure. I can help you pick one out.

You wanna run it? We need someone trustworthy.

I told him I know just the guy.

Well, Im gonna have to think about this, Nick.

Right now, Im weighing out several lucrative offers. I mean, they rollin´ in.

A lot of people want me to work for them right now.

Now, thats just the way I like it.

All I need now is some of Mamas special mustard.

Stop.

Whatd I do?

- Run, run! - Stay down, Nick. Get on outta here.

Ill beat you into the-

See you when you get there

Now I seen places and faces of things you aint never thought about thinkin´

If you aint peeked then you must be drinkin´ and smokin´

Pretendin that you´rre locin´ but you´rre broken, let me get you open

Now, little Timmy got his diploma and little Jimmy got life

And Tamica around the corner just took her first hit off the pipe

The other homey shot the other homey and ran off with his money

And when the other homeys heard about it they thought that it was funny

But whos the dummy ´ccause now you done lost a hustler

A down-ass brother done replaced by a bustler

And though I got love for ya I know I cant trust ya

Cause my crew is rollin´ numbers and your crew is rollin´ dusters

And just because of that you act like you dont like a brother no more

I guess thats just the way you go

I aint tryin´ to preach, I believe I can reach but your mind ain´tt prepared

I see ya when you get there

Ill see you when you get there

If you ever get there

See you when you get there

Ill see you when you get there

If you ever get there

See you when you get there

More temptation and fate I guess we livin for today

I seen a man get swept off his feet by a bull with an AK

The situations so twisted everybody gettin´ lifted

Im just tryin´ to take care of my kids and handle my business

Cause it´ss way too serious so you gotta pay close attention

So you dont get caught slippin´ when they come to do all the gettin´

Life is a big game so you gotta play it with the big boys

Some of us gotta run a little faster cause we gotta lay the straw

But Id be a fool to surrender when I know I can be a contender

If everybodys ascended then everybody can be a winner

No matter your rag color Deep down we all brothers

And we gonna set a time Somebody up there still love us

Im gonna scuffle and struggle with ya I´mm breathless and weak

I done strived my whole life to make it to the mountain peak

Always keep reachin Sure to grab onto somethin´

Ill be there when you get there waitin´ with the sounds bumpin´

Ill see you when you get there

If you ever get there

See you when you get there

Ill see you when you get there

If you ever get there

See you when you get there

As we walk down the road of our destiny

And the time comes to choose which shall it be

The wide and crooked or the straight and narrow

We got one voice to give and one life to live

Stand up for somethin or lay down in the game

Listen to the song that we sing

Its up to you to make your beef

I guess Ill see you when you see me

Ill see you

When you get there

If you wanna get there

- Ill see you - I´lll see you

- When you get there - When you get there

- If you wanna get there - If you really

- Ill see you - I´lll see you

- When you get there - When you get there

- If you wanna get there - If you really

Ill see you

When you get there