Original subtitles

Fucking dying.

It would have been fucking better.

Julian, I need to talk to you now.

What's up?

In private.

Alright. Don't be fucking cheating, boys.

What's wrong?

Can you smell that?

I have to say it's fucking mold. It was not part of the fucking deal.

Relax, man.

Jesus. No, you fucking relax.

The warden is back. He is going to be all over me. Okay, it's going to be gone

soon. I'm working on it.

All right, just fucking take it easy.

You'd better be out of here soon, or I'm going to have to start some of those

body cavity searches on you, Swayze.

You can be my fucking nurse when I break your arm.

Oh, you think you're so tough, do you?

Let's see how fucking tough you are when you're wearing a muzzle and a

straightjacket. You creepy fuck.

Oh, I am creepy. You have no idea.

I even creep myself out.

And I'm going to take my time with you, sweetie. Yeah, you just remember to fuck

some church here.

Oh, yeah? You think you're in fucking church? Just for that, Chapo? I'm going

take 50 % of your little drug cartel business.

Is that right?

That's right.

Fuck you, Julian. Fuck you.

What the fuck?

Welcome back, sir.

Glad your time off was a success.

Thank you.

Rehab has made me most perceptive.

Officer Yolanda, gather the guards together. We're going to shake this

from top to bottom.

Absolutely, sir.

Oh, it's good to be home.

one there.

All right, dump that. Let's get another one going.

Clean after each use.

I find that at like around 19, 20 minutes, a delicate seems to really do

right, bring her home.

Hey, folks, just a fucking person I need to see right now. I need to talk to

you. I need some fucking help. Ricky?

What?

Where's my clothes? They were in the dryer.

We took them out. We dropped them. They got dirty, so we put them in the washer.

They're all ready to be washed again, buddy. Ricky, they're soaking wet and

dirty now.

Well, you just washed them again. By the time that's done, we should be pretty

much close to being done.

Look, I need you to fucking build me a goddamn... Ricky, I am not building you

fucking thing. How about that?

You have to. I'm not building you anything. You can smell weed all through

goddamn prison everybody's talking about. I don't want to talk. No, I...

going on, boys? Hey, bubs. Hey, Julian.

Fucking super good.

Get out of my way. This isn't as bad as it looks, Bubz. It is as bad as it

fucking looks. How you guys making out? We're fucking kicking ass, man. We

almost got all the powder ready, but we got nothing to press with. Bubbles won't

build me a fucking rack. Okay, we gotta speed this up, man, okay?

We're trying. And you gotta do something to put the smell in here. It's

really... You got a spray or anything?

Yeah, I got some spray. Julian's gonna come and tip my cock right now over your

fucking head.

You can be a bit more fucking discreet about this. Well, Terry smoked all the

spray. We can't do everything. We're trying to deal with this. Now I gotta

a fucking hash press somehow.

Well, just so you know... I can't do everything. Listen, listen.

The warden's back, okay?

Gorilla Fingers is losing his fucking mind. He wants to shut it from the down.

All right? So you got to speed this shit up. Keep everybody the fuck out of

here, and you're going to have to help out with something. All right, stop

smoking dope. That's not helping. I'll take care of the smell. All right, we

won't fucking smoke dope. Fuck.

You're such a hard worker, Billy.

How about a nice little Freddy massage?

Please don't touch me.

Only my wife can massage me.

Massage rules don't apply, big guy.

I'm not gay.

How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not gay.

Gay? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not fucking gay. I just take

stuff. Am I interrupting something here, boys?

No, not at all.

Freddie was just going to go cut some onions.

Please go cut some onions.

All right, sweetie.

Go cut some fucking onions, Freddie.

Cut your fucking onions, Hercules.

I need you to cook up something that's really stinky. That'll stink up the

fucking prison, okay? Get rid of that weedy smell in the air. Oh, man, I'm

sorry. I can't. We've already posted the menu.

I'll give you a big chunk of hash.

I'm not really smoking anymore.

Skin mags, booze, lobster. What the fuck do you want here, Billy?

You know what I want?

Truffle oil.

Truffle oil? Yeah.

It's my new drug of choice.

Look, all you gotta do is send someone down to the Italian market in Halifax.

You talk to Franco, he'll hook you up.

All right.

Okay, let's do this.

Awesome. You want stinky?

Here, here, here. Take it all, man. Give me stinky. Holy fuck.

All right. Awesome, buddy.

You all right, sexy?

Fine, thanks.

Two number three combos, please.

That's it.

Thanks. Hey,

guys, you want to party?

Party? Yeah, 20 bucks if you do whatever you want to me, fellas.

Fuck off.

Come on, guys.

Good afternoon, sir.

Oh, hey, handsome. How's it going?

20 bucks. I'll rock your world.

Freak steak.

Do you get that part of me? Yeah.

No speaker?

Hello?

Jacob, hey man, is Bury with you?

Yeah, dude, what's up? How's jail?

It's fucked. Listen, boys, I got a mission for you guys. You might find it

little bit difficult, but I know you guys can fucking do it.

No, dude, I can do anything for you, dude.

Franco's gonna give you some truffle oil. I want you to take that truffle oil

and bring it to me ASAP, okay? What? Truffle oil, dude.

It's just a ton of fucking oil. It doesn't matter. Do you understand?

Can you guys do this?

Hello? You guys still there? Can you fucking do this or what?

Yeah, Julian, we can totally do it, man. Yeah, man, we read you loud and clear,

and we're leaving right now.

All right, good. Hurry up. Leave right now.

All right, we're doing it. All right, hurry up. Bye.

I think he can see us.

Oh, fuck. I don't know, Terry. Keep pumping. Is it doing it?

I'll put it down. Go, go.

Fuck, Will.

You asked for a hydraulic press. This is a hydraulic jack.

It says 2 ,500 pounds on it.

It's not doing anything.

No, but I did the fucking math.

I'm 150 pounds.

You know, 10 or 20 clumps up.

You know, you carry the three.

It makes sense, but it's just not fucking working.

Okay.

Lower down.

Okay, now go for it. How's it going in here, boys? Almost done?

It's not going great. What is this?

Are you kidding?

That's the press?

Yeah.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life.

I tried to tell him, Julian. I know. It's not working. I don't know. We try

get Bubbles involved. He doesn't want to be involved at all.

We're fucked. We can't get a breath.

All right, okay.

Let me deal with this. Just keep doing whatever. Just fucking keep doing

something. I just need a fucking calculator. Shut the fuck up, Terry. I

your math is fucked.

All right, you fucktard. Put your personal belongings in there for me,

you? All right.

Jesus, you smell like a horny teenager at a high school dance, too, by the way.

Listen, I smell masculine, manly, and musky.

I cannot believe you tried to solicit a cop for sex for 20 bucks at a drive

-thru in broad daylight.

I didn't try to solicit anybody. I just asked a handsome guy if he wanted to

party. That's all.

Yeah, wanted to party, eh? Well, what I'm reading here is that you were

the whole rump roast with all the trimmings for $25.

That's a bargain.

It's not true. I can't believe everything you're trying to read.

Yeah, well...

All right, we're going to have to get you to come on in here and get into the

orange. I'm going to have to give you a little search or maybe I should offer to

pay you $20 to search me.

Sure. Nah, no, no, not right now with all these cameras, you dick.

Okay, let's go get in here.

Food fucking sucks.

No man's not my fucking fault.

What the fuck are you trying to do, Freddy? Ruin our fucking insides? Take

shit out with Julian, man. It's not me.

Calm down, everybody. This is only temporary, okay? This is temporary.

All right? Cheers.

How's it going, Julian?

Don't be fucking ugly. What the fuck are you doing here, Randy?

Well, I had a couple unpaid parking tickets. I told the cop to go fuck

Then we got in a fight.

Yeah, you were prostituting yourself out again at the drive -thru, weren't you?

Huh? Yeah, I was prostituting myself again. You fucking lied in the end.

I need to speak with you right now.

Over here.

I'm getting fucking fingered. Better get the little boy them fingers in place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you, Freddy.

Fingers aren't that big, guys.

I got something big enough for you. Want a taste test?

Every nook and cranny, gentlemen.

Every crack in the wall.

Around the door frames if it's hollow.

Look inside it.

Find this stuff.

Ah, Julian, this is not good. Have a fucking look. What's not good?

Ah, the warden's shaking down all the cell blocks. See, he's going cell by

looking for drugs.

I'm going to tell you something. You've got to shut this down right fucking now.

No, I can't shut it down. Listen, you've got a lot of points on this deal, man.

We're talking about a fucking shit ton of money here.

Listen, I'll give you one hour. That's it. Okay, but you're going to have to

help me out, though.

Help you with what?

You're going to get Bubba to build a hashbrown, okay? That's our only hope

A hash press? What the fuck is that? It's the thing that presses things

together, man, like a hash. Oh, my God.

He'll know what you're talking about. Just tell him to build one.

How do I get myself into these things?

Ricky and Terry think they're the fucking king of the dryer all of a

Well, too fucking bad. I built my own dryer.

Look at that, baby. Two toasters wired together in series. Got an overhead hair

dryer. Works just like a convection oven.

Look at that, baby. And the best part?

Makes your clothes smell of toast.

I bet you that's where the term toasty warm came from. I bet you. Get the fuck

out.

Get the fuck out. Hit the door.

Bubbles, whatever fucked up contraption you're building, I need you to stop

right now. I've got a very special prison project I need you to start ASAP.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

I need you to build a hash press for Ricky. Now!

I'm not building a fucking hash press. I told him. I don't want anything to do

with this greasy bullshit, so no thank you.

No thank you. Oh, is that right? Well, what if I were to report some of the

tools you were using happened to go missing?

Well, that'd be fucking bullshit, and you know it. I'm on the straight and

narrow. There's no fucking tools missing out of here.

I don't think you realize what I'm saying.

Whatever I report is so.

And if I report it, there's going to be a very long and lengthy investigation.

Something very, very deep.

Okay, okay.

I express it is.

Consider it done. I'll have one here in no time. Okay, well, get started,

Bubbles. Get started.

Okay.

Hash press coming up. Somebody had told me a week ago that I was going to be in

jail being forced to build a hash press by a lunatic hash fingering guard. I

would have told them they were fucking insane.

But here we are.

Hey, buddy.

Here you fucking go. Press me longer.

How's this coming?

Well, it's almost done. I just got to put a side on it there. Look, you can

crank it.

Man. Get as much pressure on that as you want. It's going to be perfect, buddy.

Fucking right on.

Yeah, come on.

Off to solitary, boys.

What the fuck are you talking about?

We found traces of marijuana in the laundry room.

Traces? Who gives a fuck? That's no big deal, is it? There are cameras in there.

When the fuck did you put cameras in the laundry room? Fuck, you guys are

stupid. Bubbs, it's all good. You got this, buddy.

Bubbles! Yes,

sir.

What are you doing in here?

I'm just working on these cheap Chinese toasters, trying to get them upgraded

for a more even cock for the inmates, sir.

Oh, is that so?

All part of my rehabilitation.

Very good.

You carry on, then.

Sure.

We're fucked. The guards are on the move.

Ricky and Terry got thrown into solitary.

For what?

I don't know. They got caught with a bunch of drugs.

This is important.

Did they find shake or did they find powder?

I'm not a drug dealer. I think they just said it was marijuana.

Marijuana? Okay, we're good, we're good. Where's Buzz at?

He's down in the workshop.

He's got that big bag full of goodies or whatever the fuck it is in there. Okay,

okay, we're good. I think we're going to be good here, man. Relax.

All right? Okay, okay, well, listen.

I want you to move that into the kitchen as soon as possible. They've already

checked there. All right, okay. I'm on it, man. I'm on it. Okay, listen.

What? Don't fuck this up. The warden is on a rampage. I am not going down for

this, Swayze.

What's up with the Swayze shit all of a sudden? I've got a new 80 -inch TV. I'm

watching reruns. You move like I'm... Don't fucking move.

Are you fucking kidding me?

We're done.

Fuck's sakes.

All inmates in the yard back inside immediately.

Gentlemen, glad you could join us.

I've heard there's some bad boys in here.

I like bad boys.

They make me go above and beyond my call of duty.

Over the years, I've been hoping that Corey and Jacob would mature and, you

know, get a little bit smarter.

But it hasn't happened yet. I mean, who doesn't know what fucking truffle oil

is? And I mean, why did they think I was talking about drugs?

If I was talking about drugs, you'd know that I was talking about drugs. They're

stupid. Bad boys force me to afflict extreme punishment and break

seemingly strong.

Men down.

Do you think you're strong enough?

Look, everybody knows you found a bit of weed in the fucking laundry room, okay?

I had nothing to do with it.

Do you know what I used to do before I became a corrections officer?

Don't give a fuck.

You have a resounding lack of curiosity, sunshine.

I used to grow weed.

And as a weed grower, I manufactured all kinds of things from it.

Edibles. Oil.

Hash.

I know what I found here today.

It's called shake.

Are you familiar with that, laddie?

Yeah, I like my chocolate.

Some days I like strawberry, though. You know, change it up.

Oh, we have a comedian.

A wee funny man.

Are we funny, Julianne? Jesus Christ, don't you dare rat me out, Johnny

So, Julianne, are you going to tell me where you stashed the goodies or not?

I don't know if you know this or not about me, but I've never grown weed

and I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Same old shit, different port.

Randy, Randy, get the fuck over here.

All right, boys, I got a plan.

I'm going to cause a distraction.

When that happens, you guys go to the workshop, help Bubbles move the fucking

hash to the kitchen, okay? You got it? Yeah.

What did I say then, Corey?

Oh. Oh, my fucking Jesus.

I got it. Workshop, Bubbles, hash, kitchen.

That's it. Okay, get ready.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, boys, I told you there was no fucking weed in here or

anything. Come on. Here, dry under the bed yet? Huh?

Julian, Julian, calm the fuck down. Dude, we got to go right now. What?

What? I'm just getting it wrapped up, boys. I'm just getting it wrapped up. We

got smugglers in the kitchen. Let's go. They're coming right now, dude. Really.

Okay. Okay, boys. We got to smuggle it, okay? We need to think. What are we

going to do? What are we going to do? If we stick it under our armpits and,

like, walk out naturally?

Jacob, they're going to fucking pound us down. Behind your ears. Behind your

ears. That's even worse, Corey. Use your fucking brains, okay?

Okay? We're just going to have to do it internally.

In our mouth?

No, Corey. Just put it. See if it'll fit in your mouth.

Okay, this is going to work. Oh, my fuck. What about this big behemoth?

Bubbles! I got this.

You don't mean your mouth, do you, Randy?

My back mouth.

Come on, Billy. There's got to be something you can do with it. No, I

anything to do with your ass drugs.

Well, they're not ass drugs. We had this in our mouths. I mean, most of us.

Here's the other one, Billy. Oh, Jesus, it's warm.

Fuck, no, boy. I'm out of here in two weeks.

Look, come on. It won't be that hard. What if we just took it, okay?

And look, what if we just made it like that into an odd shape?

and then maybe we cover it in this stuff.

Look at that. It's kind of like a potato.

A potato. We put it with the rest, nobody's even going to know. Come on,

Okay, fine.

What's in it for me?

Well, what do you want?

Honestly, I want my roommate to stop trying to fuck me.

Who wants to switch cells?

Wait, so Freddy likes Zeus?

I don't know if he likes Zeus, but he likes me.

Who wants to switch cells?

Well, definitely not me, because I'm not supposed to be tangled up in this in

the first place. I'll do it.

I think he's kind of handsome, actually. I'll take one for the team. Fuck, fuck,

fuck, boys.

The guards aren't finding anything on ourselves. They're on their way back

this way right now. How's the fucking ass? Well, just calm down, Julian.

going to make it into potatoes. Potatoes? That doesn't look like a

potato. What's all over it? What? It looks like a potato.

A potato?

All right, we're caught.

Anybody have any ideas here, huh?

I really think if we just put it under our armpits, they'll never... Boys, that

wasn't going to work the fucking first time. It's not going to work now.

It's got to be smarter.

Boys, I got this. Don't worry.

What? I got this, Julian.

Are you sure about this, Randy?

Yeah, do anything for my friends. You know what? I never thought I'd ever say

this, Randy.

But I owe you one, buddy.

Lots of hugs coming your way someday, bud.

All right. I just need some crack time.

All right. Right on.

Fuck! They're on their way.

Oh, my God. They've been here forever, dude.

They're going to miss the rest of my fucking childhood.

What the fuck, boys?

All right. What do you want to do?

Boys, boys, calm down.

It's already here.

It's there.

Disgusting. I told you.

Instituted immediately the chef has been authorized to provide meals

consistently

Today didn't go quite as planned because of Corey and Jacob's little fuck -up,

but the hash is hidden. No one's ever going to find it. I'm still going to

a shit ton of money, so everything's cool.

Well, except for everybody in my cell block being pissed off at me. But, you

know, I'm going to offer everyone to buy one, get one free on the first purchase

of hash. So that'll make them happy. I mean, who doesn't like a good fucking

deal? Corey, Jacob, what you guys did to get in here has to be the fucking

dumbest thing you guys have ever done in your fucking lives. Well, to be fair,

dude, I've done some worth. Just shut up. We never heard of trouble, man.

I just want to thank you guys for helping out.

You did good today. Thanks, Julian. All right?

Thanks, Pops. I know you didn't want to be involved in this shit, but no, I did.

You pulled it off, man.

I just feel bad for Gary and Ricky. I mean, I hope they're all right and

solitary. That's got to be off. It's not that bad. They're probably just

relaxing and chilling out.

I can't reach my cock.

Yeah, if I can tug one out, I might be able to have a power nap, but fuck!

Hey,

big fella.

How's it going?

I'm Randy.

Good to meet you. I think you're so handsome.

There's a couple things I won't be able to do tonight, but we're going to have

tons of fun.

It's going to be really good.

We'll just close this, huh?

So are we just

gonna ignore the fact that we can all hear that?

Oh, Jesus Murphy.

You know what? We need a little privacy song, boys.

Little song. How about, um... You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when stars are gray.

You'll never know here how to love.

So take my love right away.

Here we go!