Original subtitles

-Michael Jackson? -Yeah.

-Guess who I seen at the store? -Who?

-2Pac.

-I’m dead-ass serious, bruh. -Get the fuck outta here.

The man working the day shift at the Piggly Wiggly over on MLK. On God.

You ain’t see no motherfucking Michael Jackson.

Same face, same hair, same walk, same voice, man.

I been at Piggly Wiggly. Why I never seen the nigga?

-You know why? -Why?

'Cause he Black now.

-Shawty, what's up? I got that new Ruckus. -I'm okay, thanks.

Come on, baby. Fuck with me. Fuck with me.

I told you, bro. Come on. I got that new CD.

Hey. Hey, yo. You all seen Fontaine at the house?

Man, get your ass home, man!

How are we supposed to know? Get the hell home, man!

-Easy weight. Let's go. -Come on.

-One more, weakling. Let's go. -Come on.

-That's it. That's it. -Hey, Fontaine.

Hey, Fontaine.

Heard you the first time, Junebug.

What you got for me?

And there's Squidward.

No, no, no. Squidward just be killing the plot.

I can’t believe you don’t watch SpongeBob. Why not?

Huh, Fontaine? Why don't you watch Spongebob?

'Cause I don't, all right?

Damn.

-Shut your ass up.

You're a real Squidward.

I'm not Squidward.

So you do watch it.

Oh, there he go. See? I told you.

Hold on, man. Give me that one back. Come on, man. For real?

The fuck you want, nigga?

Go and get your ass on, nigga.

All right. That's what I thought.

Patrick started working at the Krusty Krab, right?

But then he kept messing up, so SpongeBob put him on the phones.

And he got so mad 'cause he thought everybody was calling him a "crusty crab."

You was really missing out, man. Hey-o, what you doing?

-Hey, hey, hey!

Damn. Crazy ass.

Shit!

Is that boy dead? Oh. Ah.

Ow! Fuck!

Man, you hit my car, bruh.

You broke my motherfucking leg.

Man, how you gonna make it to the league now?

I swear to God, wait till I tell Isaac about this shit!

-Fuck Isaac and fuck you.

Find somewhere else to sell your shit.

Fuck you, nigga.

Isaac gonna fuck you up when he see you too, nigga!

-Yeah. -Enjoy your day.

…and because of the crisis, which is even now developing,

this radio station will remain on the air…

-What? -Isaac, motherfucker broke my leg!

-What? -Fontaine! My leg, bruh!

Just wait for me. I'm on the way, all right?

-All right! You know what I mean.

-We gonna get his ass. -I think I need a--

Can't never get no me time.

Yeah.

Five dollars? Where the rest?

Ain't no rest. That's what you get for wasting my time.

Wasting your time? Man, you bullshitting.

Come on. I'm tired of snitching. When are you gonna put me on?

Boy, if you don't go home and do your damn homework--

Talking about "put you on." Get your ass out of here.

Oh my God. Five dollars?

A pack of Rillos, and let me get one of them scratch-offs.

It's in the water, youngblood.

I know, Frog.

I know.

Mom, are you hungry?

I made you some sandwiches.

I’m all right, baby.

Josephine had a fish fry at the community center

and I'm still full.

All right.

Got Damn!

'Cause remember, who needs vices

when you got all these herbs and spices at discount prices.

So, if you’re in town, come on down

and get some of this country-fried golden brown

at Got Damn! Fried Chicken.

-Hey, boy. -What's happening, big dawg.

What up? Tell me something good, Big Moss.

Yo, I'm hotter than a motherfucker.

You straight?

That nigga Isaac keeps trying to make a move, man.

Man, you say the word, and we roll out.

Nigga, you look like you about to pass out.

Go in that damn kitchen and get some damn juice.

-Represent yourself in the best way, man.

Your couch is already dusty and dingy anyway.

-What the fuck going on here? -Say what now?

This shit light.

What had happened was… …I couldn't find Slick Charles.

He wasn't at the Motel 6?

No.

So where else did you look?

I mean, that's pretty much it. That's where he usually be.

I can go check, man. Do you want me to go--? I can go check.

I'll find him.

Yo, Biddy.

Hey, Fontaine.

Where's Slick Charles at?

Well, he must owe you some money or something.

That toot you snorting ain’t free.

Maybe I seen't him, maybe I ain't.

I just wanna check in with him.

Make sure he good, you know?

Right.

I'm just trying to get a couple dollars so I can get back in college.

Where he at?

The Royal.

This some bullshit, Isaac.

I need some Tylenol or some shit, man.

Shut your bitch ass up.

-Shit, man.

Y'all sitting here hungry for some goddamn Showtime!

-Fuck you, Slick Charles. -Fuck you.

I'm retiring. And I mean this shit.

Dammit.

Who drank all the motherfucking orange juice? Citrus?

Fuck you and fuck your fucking orange juice.

Damn! There you go again, baby.

Look. Just regale me the latest indignity suffered upon my ace boon coon.

So this clean-cut white nigga, right?

He pulls up in a G-Wagon,

and my Spidey senses, oh they tingling and shit 'cause I'm like,

this nigga, he gotta be 12, or he on some Hannibal shit.

But, you know, I get my Black ass in the car anyway.

Then the nigga had the nerve to pull out a razor blade and cut his dick with it.

And then gonna look at me like I’m supposed to touch the nasty shit.

The fuck I look like?

You look like what you is.

-Hmm? -Youse a ho.

You know what?

I ain't got to deal with none of this shit.

I ain't got to deal with none of this shit.

You ain't nothing but a habitual line-stepping,

Jedi-mind-tricking motherfucker, and I ain't got to deal with it!

-You're gonna deal with it. -You know why? Do you know why?

Blockchain. That's right, motherfucker. Blockchain.

You remember, uh, Thursday Tony, that trick I used to see on Tuesdays,

who lost his house investing in some bootleg Bitcoin?

Well, that nigga, his plight got me researching this shit.

Cryptocurrency's a bubble, everybody knows that.

But blockchain? Oh, that shit the future.

You can laugh if you want to, nigga.

Yo, yo, yo, catch your breath before you pass the fuck out, hmm?

So you're from the blockchain, huh? That's what you investing in?

When you gonna do that? Is that before or after you take off

and backpack through the mountains of Baconia?

-Patagonia. -Whatever the fuck.

No! I don't need no damn valet, you bastard.

Shit! Ow!

Hello. Room 107.

Motherfucker.

You know what? That's why I named your ass Yo-Yo,

'cause you always come right back.

Shit. Shit.

Fontaine. Man, where the hell you been at, huh?

I've been looking for your Black ass all over the universe.

You know, you late. You know we got shit we gotta settle.

Come on, OG. Where the money at?

Where the money at?

Nigga, where the drugs at?

'Cause that powdered sugar you sold me ain't hitting on shit.

What we should be talking about is a… a… a layaway plan,

or a… a motherfucking, uh, uh, carryover or something,

'cause you… you fucking with the wrong nigga here.

You can always give it back.

But--

-Listen. -Move, bitch.

This is what I was thinking.

How about we just wipe the slate clean, Fontaine? Know what I'm sayin'?

And we both just grow, my nigga. Huh?

Hey, hey. Listen, listen. Fontaine, why don't you take a ho on me?

You look stressed.

I don't really appreciate how you coming in here, you know,

attacking my castle like that, you know, in front of my flowers.

You know what I'm saying, Fontaine? Fontaine! Fontaine! Fontaine, goddamn it!

I was a 1995 International Players Ball "Pimp of the Year."

Show me some motherfucking respect!

Childhood-ass nigga!

Fontaine. Listen, we ain't liquid like we used to be, okay?

Look, they dehydrated.

These chickens ain't clucking like they used to.

It's a cold front.

That's all my contingency right there.

Okay?

Fontaine, why don't you just give me some more days, huh?

You is a grinch!

-We can settle up another way if you want. -You think I'm scared of you, nigga?

Why does it always gotta be Black-on-Black crime? Hmm?

Black men are supposed to support they niggas!

Take your shit. Dramatic ass. You're lucky I’m a lover, not a fighter.

Bitch-ass nigga.

Hmm? What'd you say?

That's what I thought. Get out of here. Wasting my motherfucking air.

Y'all ain't shit.

-All right. Yeah. -Get thirsty! Let's go. Let's go!

You playing?

A pack of Rillos, let me get one of them scratch-offs.

Youngblood, straighter is greater, you hear me?

Straighter is motherfucking greater!

-Yeah, yeah.

-Oh no! No! Get off me! Hey! No, no!

Off to see the wizard again.

…says wasn't nobody. Just Reggie down at the job,

but, Your Honor, I can tell he was lying.

Don't no friend on the job make you all smiley face in no text message.

So, you know, I waited,

and while this fool went to the bathroom, he left his phone.

Wanted to see it, so, okay, I picked it up and went through it.

Let me tell you something, Your Honor, it wasn't no Reggie from the job.

-Mama.

You want something to eat?

Not right now. I'm watching my stories.

2Clean Perm Cream. Because straighter is greater.

Watch my cuticle now.

Be gentle with it. Respect it. Respect that cuticle.

Hmm.

Shit. Y'all bitches have somebody come over?

Mm-mm.

-Who that? Shit! -We gotta do this every time?

-Open the damn door. -Ain't no way. It ain't no way.

Damn. It's Fontaine. Ain't no way, Jesus.

Jesus, what're you doing? You send a ghost to a pimp?

-I want my money, man. -Ain't no way!

-You got five seconds. Five… -How did this happen?

There's gotta be a logical explanation to this. Am I seeing shit?

Man, three, I'mma bust your shit open.

Man, open the damn door!

You know why I'm here?

I think we got more pressing issues to talk about.

-And what's that? -They shot your ass.

Nigga, where the money at?

Do you not remember getting lit the fuck up?

You should be breathing through some tubes right now.

-Look. I don't have time-- -You took it. Fontaine, you took it.

You came in here, you went through my haberdasheries.

You passed up on my beige bitch, and you went outside and pulled a 50 Cent.

-I told your ass if you wanna settle-- -We can settle it another way.

Ain't no way. Shit.

You Ghost of Christmas Past-ass nigga.

What the fuck kind of shit you playing on, huh?

You done sold your soul to the devil. I know what you did. I know what you did.

If there ain't no juice in this motherfucker, throw the damn bottle away!

Fontaine.

I seen them niggas shoot your ass six times.

Mm-hmm.

You think I'm lying, nigga?

You ask Yo-Yo. She took off on me just before your ass got in here.

Ask that trifling ass bitch which one of us is crazy.

-Uh-uh. -Come on, baby.

You ain’t getting no motherfucking David Carradine for 50 bucks.

Most I can do for you is a Susan Sarandon.

-Let me get that. -Maybe a Shalamar.

Nigga, you better get this good deal.

My bad, Yo-Yo. Need to steal you for a minute.

Don't you see we busy here?

Don't you see we'll split your wig down the middle

and you'll be a half a nigga?

Get your beige ass the fuck out of here. You fake Obama-looking motherfucker.

That ain't Michelle, nigga.

Y'all owe me 50 dollars.

I am retired.

I just need some more dough before I can get to Memphis.

There it is again, that slippery slope of recidivism.

-I hate to see it. -When I'm there, I'mma find me a real man.

Yeah, I'll find you a real man, 'cause I'm a real motherfucker.

Not some McDonald’s-dollar-menu has-been-ass nigga in a Goodwill suit.

Keep talking goddamnit, and I'mma slip out of this Goodwill suit

-and slap that fake-ass wig off… -What the fuck did you--?

…with nothing but my Gucci boxers on

and be back in this coat before it wrinkles.

You know I can do it.

Oh, here you go with this ninja pimp shit.

Hey!

I just need to clear something up with you real quick.

And you can be right back on your merry hoeing way.

Uh…

Okay.

You seen me last night?

Not like that.

No. Like, literally.

You seen me?

Are you Kevin Bacon?

Wait. What?

Hollow Man.

-That was a good one. You liked it. -Good movie. Good movie. Yeah.

And I picked that one. You… mm-hmm. Okay.

Yes, nigga. I saw you.

You heard them shots after?

I mean, I got ears, don’t I? Somebody was letting them bitches loose.

To be honest, I thought it was you doing me a favor.

Yo-Yo.

So, what you tryin' to say? You ain't seen nothin'?

I mean, I didn't say all of that.

You know your girl gotta know what’s going on in these streets.

So, yeah. I doubled back after a cool little minute.

I think I saw the perpetrators leaving.

-I told you.

Well, and?

Yeah. I recognize the whip, 'cause I do house calls over on Second.

Hold on. I ain't sanctioned that shit.

Sometimes, I see the car parked a few driveways down.

So, yeah. It looked mad familiar.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm done. You said I could go on my merry hoeing way.

It's your boy, DJ Strangelove. I know it's been a long day.

I know you need that tall glass of wine. I got that new Ruckus,

"So Tired."

Damn, I hate this motherfucking song.

Fontaine, can you change this depressing-ass shit?

Every time this song come on, I get…

…sleepy as hell.

Mm. The house coming up on the left over here. Oh, that's the car right there.

What the hell you looking at? That ain’t the car.

-That is the car. -Yo-Yo, that ain't the car.

-I know what I saw. Don't tell me-- -Wait a minute.

I know that car.

What you talking about?

I saw it earlier the other day at the liquor store.

So? Every rapper and ball player, they all drive that shit.

Oh, goddamn it.

You know what, Fontaine? You got this, uh, Rambo-esque look about you.

So I'mma let you go and do your thing, and I'mma just sit right here in the car.

Fresh air might be good for a nigga, though.

Man, I ain't with this X-Files shit.

Fontaine, this ain't no pimpin'. There ain't nothing pimp about this.

Fuck! I dropped my ring.

-This nigga is crazy. -Fuck!

You doin' too much.

Get over here.

-Damn. -Fontaine.

Wow. This nigga gonna go inside.

Right. Oh damn.

It's kind of nice.

Some good bones in this bitch.

Oh, yeah. See, this is cute. This could be the living room.

Maybe some dark wood, some floral patterns.

Where this room go?

Damn.

Oh shit.

-What you doing? -Come here.

There might be somebody in here.

What the fuck is this?

Anybody else getting a spooky feeling around here?

This nigga's got a break room?

Yeah. Break from what?

Trapping?

Bloodsport.

Lockers and shit?

Got a trap house for what? Put that down.

Uh, this shit's still warm.

-We leaving?

-Fontaine? -Let's go. Come on.

-You're going the wrong way. Damn. Shit. -Fontaine, the other way.

Damn. God--

Oh shit. They got an elevator in this bitch?

See what I'm saying? It's too crazy.

You don't make-- Fontaine? Fontaine. What you doing?

Fontaine, get your ass out that goddamn elevator.

You know what? You have it your way.

All right, Yo-Yo.

I need you to get your ass in the motherfucking car right now.

Fifteen minutes.

-Slick. -It's an elevator in a goddamn trap house.

Doesn't it make your Spider senses tingle?

Slick, come on.

Man, come on.

Fine.

Huffing and puffing at me.

We don't spelunk. White people spelunk. We spelunking.

Girl, you done lost your rabbit-ass mind? Why you got a gun?

'Cause I don't know what's on the other side of these damn doors.

See?

Why the hell I'm on here with y'all?

Hey, y'all hear that?

Yeah, motherfucker.

Well, you never know.

To the right, oh, now back it up Back it up, and here we go

Gonna pull that shit

Get him, 'Taine. Get him!

No, no, no, no, no. Please, please.

Okay, okay, okay. Please, please, please.

-You better talk, nigga. -I'm just a tech, man. That's all.

-What kind of shit is this, Yo-Yo? -I don't know.

Don't your ass touch shit.

-Who are you? -I…I… I'm just staff, okay? Don't hurt me.

-Staff for what? -Nothing, man.

-I'm just trying to collect a paycheck. -By doing some creepy shit?

Yeah. You get them answers, Fontaine.

…you know? I pay my taxes.

I'm just weird about guns in my face, all right?

I… I talk a lot with a gun in my face.

This is new for me. I know this isn't new for you.

-What? -I don't know if this is new for you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Man, shut the fuck up.

Goddamn.

Ain't no snow, but I can still ski in it.

-Okay. -I ain't playing with your ass.

I… I… I know, man. I know, but… but you don't want to do this, man.

We're… we're everywhere.

Nigga, who the fuck is "we"?

Uh…

Hey, Slick.

You rang?

Oh Jesus.

Where did they find a white nigga with an afro anyway?

I--

You definitely ain't in the colored section…

What is you? Hmm?

Tapioca spun--

Tapioca--

Beige… Banana.

Okay. Okay, um… Please. Just--

You look like a game show host. That's what you look like.

You look like a manila folder.

What'd you do to me?

-Put it down, please? -Put what down?

I'll put it down on your ass.

You don't understand what the fuck is going on, do you?

No. I don't know, man.

Just…

Please, please, please.

Oh shit! God--

-Shit! Oh goddamn.

Yo-Yo, goddamn. Look what you made me do.

-Me? You just shot him. -Shit.

Hey, there. Come on, player. Come on now.

Come on now, player. Just stay in there.

-We ain't got time for sensitivity shit. -This motherfucker dead.

We ain't got time for negativity. Go get some goddamn wet naps.

-Wet naps, nigga? Come on! -Come on, player. Get on your feet.

Come on. Holy shit. Fontaine, let's go.

Fontaine, let's go!

-Lickety-split, now! -What you doing? Let's go!

Fontaine--

Uh, come on now.

-We… we gotta… we gotta go.

We gotta go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

You… you killed somebody!

Everybody makes mistakes! The motherfucker moved! Shit…

Y'all gonna ride all motherfuckin' night, man.

Y'all not coming to the Royal with me with this shit.

Fuck! Fuck!

I know a place. I know a fucking place.

-Come on. Come on, Fontaine.

Come on.

Whose house is this?

My grandma's.

They say curiosity killed the cat,

and I'm telling you right now, we some motherfucking cats.

We cool cats, but we still cats.

How many adventures this bitch been on?

Hmm?

I can’t get no tea?

I ain't your mama.

And my grandmama got ears like a bat. So mind y'all manners.

Listen. I say we act like a turkey.

Stick our head in the sand and leave this alone, act like it didn't happen.

Like an ostrich, you stupid motherfucker. I don't know--

When you're actin' up and smell like fish, get out the water.

And right now, we's a goddamn sushi bar.

That wasn't me.

Hmm?

I don't know what that was, but that wasn't me.

Nigga, what? That wasn't you?

-No one said-- -I'm me.

-Motherfucker, I seen them shoot your ass. -Do I look real to you?

-What, do I look like a fucking ghost? -Yo. My grandmama. My grandmama.

Look. Don't none of us know what the hell that was back there. Okay?

But… Hey, hey, but look.

Shit like this always happens to my girl Nancy Drew.

-Don't start with that cartoon shit. -Hear me out.

Sis be coming across some weird, kinky shit that don’t make no sense,

but in the end, it always turns out to be

some regular-degular, missionary-position vanilla shit.

Hey! Where the fuck you going? Wait, wait. No. Shit.

I ain't got time for this shit. I'm going back. Fuck that.

Okay, look. Somebody is fucking with you. Okay?

You wanna know why, you wanna know who? Cool.

But the block is hotter than a fresh perm now.

So whoever it is, they're probably looking for us as we speak.

So, you go back out there, you’re liable to lead them back to us.

Me. And I ain’t getting probed for no nigga. Okay?

So… so I just need you to fucking chill.

Just fucking chill. Look, you can stay here for the night.

And tomorrow, Dexter’s lab will be there.

And… and… and we will go find out what that missionary-position shit is,

just like my girl Nancy.

I promise.

I… I promise.

-Please.

Okay. Good.

Everybody just take a deep fucking breath.

I don't get it.

Don't make no dollars. This don't make no goddamn sense.

Running around here tempting the devil and shit.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Hey, hey, hey.

Where the fuck is Fontaine?

Yo. What we looking for, big dawg?

Yo, what's happening, man? Rap with me now.

No, no, no.

Hey, big dawg. You know I ain’t trying to rush you, man,

but it looks like we probably got ourselves here a Goldilocks situation.

I don't think you understand, man.

There was an elevator underground and a… and a… and a lab.

And… and… and this white motherfucker with an afro.

Hey, man. Um,

you think you might need some water?

Sometimes when I'm skressed out, man, I drink me a bottle of water, I be good.

What the doctors say? We 82, 83% water, man.

How all the cells in your body supposed to undergo osmosis--?

Hey, man. It's all good!

Even players mess up every once in a while.

Look, you know what? Matter of fact? We all about to get some water.

Yeah?

We all about to get some of this hydration.

What you doing, man?

Hey! Hey, man! I thought… I thought we were riding with you.

It's different now. Like, they got a whole family living there.

-What about the lab? -Gone.

That creepy-ass elevator? That's gone too.

Damn. They did have good walls.

Either that or I'm going crazy.

And last night, that shit happened, right?

I had a nightmare that the shit happened.

So, yeah, it happened.

Ho ain't got no crackers or nothing? You got pots and pans.

Your grandma ain't cook nothing? I'm starving.

Yo, shut up. Will you let me think for five seconds? Just stop.

What would that Scooby-Doo bitch do?

Nancy Drew?

Mm-hmm. Bitch in them books.

Uh… uh…

Yeah, yeah. Hmm.

-I mean, she probably would…

While we are sitting around a table,

why don't we sit around a table that's got some food on it?

A pimp's blood sugar is falling fast.

We could use some comfort food right about now.

Limited time only, Hot Box spicy, fried-chicken

Come try our secret recipe.

-Please get this nigga some food.

Look at that.

-Mmm. Mmm…

Goddamn! That's some flavor right there.

Yo, missionary position.

-What we doing? -Right. Right.

Okay.

As with any mystery, you gotta lay out the facts.

Mm-hmm.

What is it we know?

-I'll tell you what we do know. -What?

He dead.

-He ain't here no more.

-He ain't here. -But, but, but plot twist.

-The nigga also right here. -Yeah.

-Which makes what? Two Fontaines? -Two Fontaines. Double 'Taine.

And we also know there's an underground trap-house laboratory.

But Deebo here, he said the damn elevator gone.

And that shit or whatever clues we had is 100 feet buried under the ground.

That's what I've been trying to tell you. It won't hurt to smile once in a while.

You know, I've known this motherfucker for years, I ain't never seen him laugh.

Not once.

I've never seen him laugh.

I've never seen you laugh.

Yeah.

You know, I ain't seen him laugh once.

Shit!

-It's the chicken. -Nigga.

-It's the goddamn chicken. -What?

It's the chicken.

The… the powder.

The powder in the chicken.

Look. When I was in the trap house, there was a white powder there.

I thought it was cocaine. I took some, it wasn't cocaine.

I start laughing, you break something, I shoot a nigga. Now we're here.

We eat this chicken, we all laughing.

It's in the fucking chicken.

That Muppet-looking motherfucker is the one who sold it to us.

Are you connecting these dots?

Oh fuck. Hey, nigga, chill. We in public.

-Relax. -I wanna ask him a few questions.

-We know how you ask questions. -Nigga, you ain't got good bedside manner.

-Let… let me go talk to him. -What?

Let me do my thing.

Five minutes.

Teamwork, guys. Teamwork. Don't forget. There's no "I" in "Got Damn."

-Hello. -Hi.

This soda flat.

I wanna file a complaint.

It's our motto.

There's just something about that new spicy chicken.

It does something to me.

It has that effect on people.

-It's a new recipe.

-Ooh. -Top secret.

-I like secrets.

Do you?

Uh-huh. Go get me some.

I can't do that.

It's… it's… it's company… company policy to--

That's my… my chair.

Uh-huh.

You ever heard of a Shalamar?

Shalamar?

Yeah.

-You gonna give me a Shalamar? -You gonna give me some chicken?

Don't move.

-Uh-huh. -Don't move.

-And a biscuit. Uh-huh. -A biscuit?

Whatever you want from me.

Ooh, and… and… and a sweet tea.

Oh, it won't be as sweet as you, baby.

-And, um… um, some… some coleslaw. -Okay.

-Yeah, yeah. -Whatever you want.

Hurry back. Motherfucker.

Report 65A-3. Recorded on November 2nd.

Distribution point, gamma 8, 6 days post introduction of compound H.

The pleasure-inducing effects of the powder

observed approximately 44 seconds after consumption

as expressed through extreme laughter and agreeability.

Approximately 25% of the tested subjects in experiment population

experience side effects of sporadic muscle contractions.

In reference to control group Beta 3, uh,

well, I'll report more later on that.

11261 signing out.

Control group.

Still wet from the fryer.

Ooh, right here.

-Oh yeah. -I could get in so much trouble for this.

-Ooh, that's what makes it exciting. -Yeah. I like that.

Ooh, what do you have?

-Ooh, you like big, brown thighs? -I love big, brown thighs.

-Oh yeah? Bite. -Yes.

-Yeah, oh yeah!

Yeah. Oh sit down, baby. Sit on Daddy's lap.

-Okay. -Oh yeah.

-Oh, baby. -Oh shit.

-Talk dirty to me. Talk dirty to me. -Oh wow!

-Motherfuckers. -Yeah, motherfuckers.

-Fucking cock--

You know what?

I have to, uh… Excuse me.

Move that. I have to run to the ladies' room.

-Oh no. You don't-- -You just wait right here.

-Don't eat this shit. Don't eat it. -What happened?

Keep walking.

They watching the strip club too?

Everywhere. If it’s in the Glen, they’re watching it.

And… and it's only here.

Because I'm telling y'all, I looked at every single one of them screens,

and they're only watching places that's in our neighborhood.

Man, who gives a fuck about the Glen?

And that ain't it. 'Cause your boy, he taking observations and shit.

-Notes. Like, about the chicken. -What?

-And what it's doing to people. -Come on.

Somebody is conducting experiments on us.

So you… you're saying it's a conspiracy. Like “The Man.”

Uh… uh… uh, 9/11. Uh… uh… uh… The Berenstain Bears.

Yeah. What else could it be?

And my thing is… Look. If we can find out who is behind it--

Hold on. I don't wanna be the drawers that's climbing up the crack of your ass.

-What? -But listen.

There's one important detail that you're leaving out.

We ain't no goddamn detectives.

Let's cut it out. Let's be honest with each other.

-You's a ho. I'm a entrepreneur. -Fuck you.

Fuck me if you want to. And he's a goddamn drug dealer.

-Why you so negative all the time? -Negative?

I'm the only realistic motherfucker in this car.

All right, hold on. Now, they drug dealers too.

Huh.

Oh shit. Here we go.

That your kid?

Touchy subject.

It's my brother Ronnie, all right?

Well, he is a sweet-looking kid.

Hopefully, he doesn't take after you too much.

Oh.

He…

-My bad. I'm sorry-- -You good.

What happened?

Bitch-ass cop.

Probably looking for an excuse. Said he--

Said he stole some candy or some shit.

Me and you, we should go check them out up close.

Slick, go see what else is in that van.

Why me?

Nigga, you nimble.

Calling me nimble?

-I ain't nimble, I'm a Taurus.

That's right, talk about it.

Ree-Ree!

-Yo-Yo? My girl. -Hey, girl.

-What's the tea? -Not much. Not much. Can you get us in?

What the hell is going on in here?

What kind of governmental shit is this?

You know how much a school board member make?

Hell of a lot more than me. You know how many they teach? Nobody.

I got 44 kids in my little-ass classroom.

Ooh, these devious motherfuckers.

What you think it's doing to them?

I'm serious. Okay?

At this point,

I'm using my gas money to pay for school supplies for my classroom.

And now the board members are gonna cut our pay again.

This shit is just--

Maybe I'm just tripping, you know?

-I bet this shit in everything.

For a minute I thought I was crazy.

But lo and behold.

Grape drink?

Come the fuck on.

You got some good-ass luck. I'll give you that.

I'll show you luck, nigga.

-Y'all need to take that outside. -All right.

Hey, we just talking. Ain't that right?

-Let's go. -We done talking.

-No, no. Come here, Lazarus. -That's what you're trying to do?

How about we try that new place?

Man, you came back from the dead.

You got all these holes in you last time I seen you.

-Don't matter. -I need some answer.

-Who are you? -I'm nervous right now.

-That's what it is? -Yeah.

Okay. You know what? Y'all niggas can measure dicks later.

You letting hos tell you what to do?

-Oh wow. -I said take that bullshit outside.

And I said we just talking. Damn. Always got something to say.

I got a haircut to get back to, but I'm gonna see you around, though.

But I'm gonna see you around, though.

You know what? He will call you later. Okay. We going.

-What is wrong with you? -Which way they go?

I don't know. Pick a direction.

-What you doing? -Uh, calling Slick Charles.

You know, the pimp we just lost.

This motherfucker.

Ugh! I'm supposed to be halfway to fucking Memphis by now!

Fuck.

"Straighter is greater."

Kiss my Black ass.

"Straighter is greater."

Youngblood and Foxy Brown.

Man, straighter is greater.

-What the fuck does that mean? -Right here.

It means it’s on your head, in your head, by your head, on your head…

-This nigga drunk. He drunk. -…and under your head.

In the land of the blind, Foxy Brown. In the land--

Hey. Why you say that? Why you say that, Frog? What you know?

You gotta go to the last stop on the train, youngblood.

Toot, toot.

Frog. Frog.

One straight answer.

The answer?

Where does everybody go to get answers?

Church. Church?

The big man will always point the way. Every time.

-Church. Okay. -Frog, there's ten churches in the Glen.

Which one?

When you're trying to get out of Babylon, where the fuck else you gonna go?

Ooh, Nancy Drew ain't got shit on me.

Maybe look around back.

There it go. There it go right there.

Slick!

Ooh, it's open. Slick, you in there?

-Slick? -He in there?

-Hold on. Shit -Let me out!

Damn, Fontaine, you ain't no stronger than that?

My girl Nancy Drew, she could open Fort Knox with this shit.

Come on.

-Yo-Yo, bring your ass. -I'll leave your Black ass in there.

-Hold on. -Ain't gonna do shit.

-Fuck you all at? -Damn.

Let me out of this motherfucker. Been in this van for a whole goddamn hour.

You find anything?

I found out I was claustrophobic as a motherfucker.

Ain't nothing in there.

But some boxes and some nefarious wares, and…

Let's see… let's see, this strange-ass, uh, key card right here.

-Ooh. What the hell? -Where they at?

They went inside, grabbed a box, and never came back.

Looks like we going to church today.

-Church? -Ooh, hold up.

-I ain't going to church. -Nigga, bring your ass…

Me and Jesus ain't been right since I pimped this girl named Mary.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! -Yes!

Yes, Lord!

-Come on!

-Say it with me if you will. His eyes! -His eyes!

-Are everywhere. -Are everywhere.

Keeping watch over the wicked and the good, but also the wicked.

Yeah!

And do you know what he wants most out of each and every one of you?

Say it with me if you will. I know you know.

Obedience.

Obedience.

They give Jim Jones a run for his money.

They got the Kool-Aid part down too.

That's right!

Say it with me…

-Trust!

Whoo!

Hit me!

Uh,

I ain't been to church in a while, but something is up.

Point the way, huh?

OG, got that key card?

Hmm.

I'm telling you it's not the same.

-The net's a different height. -Damn.

You're using a shuttlecock, and it's fucking flying a lot faster.

What now?

Y'all just wait here.

Y'all know where I can get one of them suits?

Remember, keep badges present at all times.

Excuse me, sir. Goddamn.

What is this place?

Where we at?

Under the Glen.

Oh.

Got a 604 over on 22nd.

This shit is crazy, man. What don't they control?

Ugh. I swear, I'm done with his broke ass.

Ain't fucking do nothing for me.

Good, it's about time.

Girl, that's his ass calling right now.

You can feel beautiful.

I can feel beautiful.

-You can feel beautiful. -I can feel beautiful.

Evil motherfuckers. They some evil motherfuckers.

No, no, no. We done crossed the Rubicon.

This… this ain't no vanilla missionary shit.

This some… some sex dungeon, mint-chocolate-chip bukkake shit.

-Y'all realize what they doing, right? -Experimenting on niggas. I was there.

Nigga, mind control!

The… the chicken, the… the communion, the perm cream.

All to fuck with how we feel, what we do, what we think.

-To control us. -But why?

Do it matter?

They're Clockwork Orangeing niggas.

-We their target audience. We gots to go. -We gotta get out of here.

I ain’t going nowhere till I find what I came for.

Hey, nigga. You ain't the only one in here.

There's other motherfuckers out there who need our help. We gotta tell somebody.

We gotta blow the lid off this shit.

Look at me, Fontaine.

This ain’t Cool Hand Johnny from the Boulevard type shit.

This is major league. It's Uncle-motherfucking-Sam.

Get the fuck out of here. We got to.

We gotta help these people. Tell somebody. We gotta tell them now.

Nah. Not yet.

Fontaine, Fontaine.

-'Taine! -Fuck!

Fontaine. You're gonna get our asses killed.

Fontaine. Come on.

Bringing America together.

Here we go.

Another door that's lead us to nothing but sin and iniquity.

Why don't we find the door that leads us out of this motherfucker?

Ain't nobody stopping you.

Winning the race of the future.

Sin and goddamn iniquity.

Decanting B-0-1-4.

-Decanting B-0-1-4.

It's the same motherfucker.

Decanting A-0-3-6.

This gotta be the whole damn Glen down here.

Decanting A-0-1-7.

Decanting B-0-2-2.

Not the whole Glen,

just specific people, over and over.

But why them?

Decanting B-0-2-8.

'Taine?

Slick.

Decanting A-0-0-1

Decanting A-0-0-1.

Decanting A-0-0-1.

Decanting A-0--

Decanting A-0-0-1.

Hey!

'Taine! 'Taine!

'Taine, 'Taine, 'Taine!

Okay. Now stop, stop.

We gotta go. We gotta go.

You ain't me. I'll kill you. I'll kill all y'all!

Holla, girl.

What the fuck?

Of course.

Take this shit off.

2241, come in. We got three bogies coming in hot.

Intercept and subdue.

Yes, sir.

All right. Hold on, hold on. We gonna slow it down right now, y'all.

I got that new Ruckus, straight out the motherfucking lab.

Excuse me. Excuse me, bruh.

That's it. Let the music take control, baby. That's it.

Round and round.

This is a world premiere.

Hey, hey. Don't listen to this shit. It's one of their songs.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Whoo! Yeah, that's it, now. Come on.

Y'all good? Hey, where's Slick at?

Slick! Slick, Slick, Slick.

You're hypnotized, man. Come on. We gotta get out of the fucking club.

Uh-huh.

Shit!

Feeling good. Feeling real good, ain't we?

Whoo! Y'all lost in the sauce now, huh?

I think y'all ready for the climax.

I see y'all are fucking with that mind-control music.

So I got one more thing I need y'all to do.

Slick, come on!

-Oh, you know what time it is. -Let's drive the car!

Come on, come on, come on.

A whole goddamn Thriller video in this motherfucker. Let's go!

-Go! Shit! -Come on, come on. Shit!

-Shit! Go! Go! -Go, go, go, go, go!

-Oh shit!

-Okay. Come on! Come on! -Go, go, go!

Whoo! We got this bitch!

Fontaine, what you doing?

Fontaine!

This nigga got the raggediest fucking car!

-What the fuck? -What the fuck?

-Shit! -You got five seconds!

Shit.

Something made them stop.

Get out the goddamn car.

A pimp, a ho, and a drug dealer walk into a bar.

So you the nigga in charge?

No. Everybody's got a boss.

Mine's a real hard ass. You two would really hit it off.

You see, I'm just the guy that guy calls

when there's a mess that needs to be cleaned up.

You should think of me more like mall security,

except for a really, really big mall.

Mall security? Y'all torturing people down there.

We're not torturing anybody.

We're researching, experimenting, doing science.

And for the greater good, I might add.

Oh, so you Kevin Bacon?

Hollow Man, motherfucker.

Telling lies in America.

America was an experiment.

A half-baked idea cooked up

by aristocratic idealogues living in mansions built by slaves.

And when they checked out, they left us with the bill.

A country constantly at war with itself.

No common ground, no dialogue, no peace.

If we're all on the same page,

then we're not ripping each other's heads off,

and all of this has a chance to work.

And that's what we strive for.

Keeping the United States united.

By cloning pimps and drug dealers?

Everybody's got a part to play.

In order for us to continue our work down here,

this place has to have a certain flavor,

quality of life, je ne sais quoi.

What the fuck is you talking about, man? We in a trap.

And you use us to keep it that way.

If we were to pull y'all off the street,

there'd be three Starbucks here by Tuesday,

and there goes our control setting.

So, yeah. We use you to keep the place, well, undisturbed.

Lets us experiment on the good people here in peace.

So the only reason I exist is to keep the place fucked up?

Oh, Fontaine.

Don't go glass half-empty on me, now.

You're a goddamn patriot.

As far as I'm concerned, you're Captain America.

So, what now?

Is that a trick question?

No, ma'am. We've got a choice to make.

And the way I see it, you've only got two options.

Option one, Chester here kills you.

Option two, you do nothing.

You go back to your regular lives.

Do what you do best. Look the other way.

I gotta say option two sounds pretty fantastic.

What do you think, Chester?

Chester agrees.

A real Sophie's Choice moment.

Yeah, I've seen that one.

So,

what's it gonna be?

-Option three, mother-- -Olympia Black.

-Olympia Black. -'Taine?

I say those words and you do what I tell you.

I know it's unpleasant having no control.

-Slick? Slick, Slick, Slick. -Feeling powerless.

We all take autonomy for granted.

But I really need you to understand your position here.

We own you.

That gold chain around your neck,

that sweet, fine grill, that .45 in your hand.

He ain't the only one with a gun, motherfucker.

Unfreeze him, or I put a bullet through your fucking teeth.

Fontaine.

Fontaine, point that gun at Yo-Yo.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

'Taine, no. No.

You know what my friend Chester, Fontaine, and Slick Charles all have in common?

They're expensive.

You? A dime a dozen. Just a regular ol' ho.

Don't let him do this shit to you.

Doesn't seem like it's getting through. Fontaine, put that gun in your mouth!

No, no, no, no. Fucking stop this shit!

Fontaine, pull the hammer back!

Shit. Don't you hurt him!

Fontaine, say your prayers!

Is it starting to sink in yet?

Are you getting it?

You got no cards to play!

The only reason you are not dead

is because I'm not the one calling the shots.

Fontaine!

Relax.

-Good talk. -What the fuck?

In the end, I knew you'd make the right decision.

Chester, let's get out of here. Grab a cheeseburger. I'm starving.

Oh fuck.

Come on. Come on.

You good?

Fontaine?

Sorry--

-You can't--

What you doing?

So I went by the church this morning. Key card ain't work.

They must have flagged it.

Don't know about them other places, I'm guessing there's--

Yo-Yo.

-We have to find another way in. -Yo-Yo!

What? What's up? What's up?

I'm done.

Done? What?

No. Yo, they can hear--

I said…

I'm done. All right?

What the fuck is you talking about, "done"?

We need to leave that shit alone.

Yo, this shit is bigger than you. It's bigger than me.

-It's your fucking home. -Who gives a fuck?

This ain't no fucking community.

This place a bunch of broke-ass niggas with nowhere else to go.

Okay. Now, that's… that's a lot.

-There are some good people. -Who?

The jays?

What, the gangbangers? Niggas that pay you to suck they dick?

Ain't no good here.

Hmm.

It's 'cause of me.

I'm a dope boy, 'member?

It's who I am.

So I'mma go right back to doing me.

-That's your fucking excuse? -Excuse?

I was made in a tube.

I ain't even real.

I ain't have no say in this shit.

What about you? What's your excuse, huh?

I seen the trophies in your room. What you trying to do? Be a doctor?

-A detective? A fucking scientist? -Okay.

Or was this your plan the whole entire time?

What the fuck you want me to say?

Yeah. I wanted to be in New York chasing down leads for the fucking Times

or fucking in the Caribbean, scuba diving, looking for lost treasure and shit,

but I'm here.

Yep. Right up the street from the house I grew up in.

Right up the street from all the same shit I have always wanted to get away from.

Stuck in the same fucking trap as you.

Nigga, I'm scared too. I am.

But we gotta do something.

I ain't scared.

I'm cool with it.

Maybe the next Fontaine won't be such a fucking pussy.

Yeah. Maybe he won't.

You know where the door is.

-Lightweight!

A pack of Rillos and a scratch-off.

Have a good one.

How you doing, Frog?

You ain't had the Hotbox Spicy Chicken?

You ain't had the Hotbox Spicy Chicken?

Got damn!

Go ahead and get you some limited-time only Hotbox Spicy Chicken.

'Cause remember, who needs vices

when you got all these herbs and spices at discount prices?

So, if you’re in town, come on down

and get some of this country-fried golden brown at Got Damn--.

Everything okay in there, baby?

Well, get rid of the dirty looks with 2Clean Perm Cream.

It will make all your dreams come true.

I just got a new job and a new man.

Mama,

can you come out here for a second?

Not right now. I'm watching my stories.

Can you just open the door?

Mama.

Please open the door.

-I just… -I'm good. Thanks, baby.

I just need to see you.

Can you open the door, please?

Open the door.

Open the goddamn--

I really need you right now, Mama.

I'm all right, baby.

Josephine had a fish fry at the community center.

I'm still full.

Fuck, man!

Nigga, is you crying?

-Ooh, you is crying.

Man, what… what you crying for?

Get on somewhere, Junebug.

You still owe me 15 dollars.

You know, one time, SpongeBob and Patrick got so sad,

they started crying all over each other,

and they fell to the floor, water sprayed out of their eyes like…

It was funny.

They're all like "Wah! Wah!"

You better stop.

Man, give me that.

You remind me of someone, you know that?

Who?

You remind me of someone.

Who?

Got you.

Nice.

It's open.

Want something to drink? I ain't got no orange juice left.

When was the last time you had a shower?

Plead the fifth.

-Hey, Yo-Yo! Is that you, girl? -Shit.

-Oh shit! That is you! -Biddy!

Where you been all week? Why are you wearing that trench coat?

Over there looking like Carmen San Die-ho?

All right, girl. Do your thing. Do your thing.

Baby, hold on.

Baby, here I come.

If you looking for the bitches, ain't here.

They had a, um, some kind of Pilates class or something they doing, you know.

I let 'em… let 'em off for a few days.

Anyway…

Pimping ain't like it used to be, nohow.

But you should've seen the furs.

Should've seen the furs.

I was a whole motherfucking polar bear.

Down to the claws, nigga.

And underneath, merlot leather.

Them hos was dying of thirst.

I never won the Players Ball, did I?

But I can remember it like it was yesterday.

I ain't never had no little brother.

I still love him, though.

Yeah.

She contact you?

Cussed me out.

-She was right though. -She annoying as hell.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what.

If we gonna buy into the insanity…

…let a pimp freshen up.

Biddy!

-Biddy, let me holler at you a second.

-Biddy. Come here! -Oh, fuck you, Slick Charles.

-Fuck you! -Uh, nigga.

No. I didn't mean that. Reflex.

-Let me talk to you for a second. -Hell, no.

Your ass went AWOL on me for about a week.

What the fuck you talking about, AWOL? You bring your ass here.

Baby, listen. I was dealing with some existential circumstances now.

-What the fuck is that? -You know you my Lady Godiva.

Don't make me shoot you out here.

If you make me sweat in this coat, I swear I'll--

Nigga, what you want?

Listen. Look. We're just trying to find out where Yo-Yo is. That's all.

-Nigga. -Biddy, Biddy, Biddy. Listen, listen.

We work in a spirit of cooperation. Okay?

Uh, we're on a quest.

You give us the information we need, and we'll electric slide.

Come on, Biddy. Please.

I mean, the bitch been scarce.

I figured she was waiting out the clap or some shit.

But maybe I seen't her. Maybe I ain't.

You know where my money at.

She was here a few hours ago. Brown trench coat and some shades.

Oh, she was looking like some freaky roleplay shit,

and it was working for her too.

Then she dipped off with one of them johns.

Maybe a rapper or a ballplayer, I surmise.

Wait. Why you say that?

"They come and go through strategically placed egress points

hidden in various neighborhood loci."

Yo-Yo, this is really good.

I mean, "loci"? Way to use your Latin.

You got diagrams, reference articles…

Shit. There's even a map.

Pulitzer Prize-winning stuff.

And I completely understand why you wanted to go to the Post.

But you have got to tell me,

do you really think that you figured it all out?

You don't even know about the grand finale.

Except you won't be around to see it.

Fuck you.

Been tinkering with one of our existing products.

Just a little more potent now, but a little touch-and-go still.

So, you might experience some side effects.

So try not to lose your mind, okay?

Fontaine, hold on. Fontaine, you can't do this.

Fontaine! Come on, man. Mm-mm, mm-mm.

-They got Yo-Yo, man. They got Yo-Yo. -I know. I know. I know.

I know.

But what you gonna do, huh?

You gonna fee-fi-fo-fum it, and… and… and blow the whole goddamn house down?

What we gonna do, man?

What we gonna do?

-We gonna do what Yo-Yo would do. -Nigga--

Come on. Come on.

We gonna put our motherfucking heads together. That's what we gonna do.

-What you got in mind? -That's what we gonna do.

We can't just go down there and ring the doorbell

'cause they got an army down there.

Got an army, huh?

What you thinking, nigga?

You ain't gonna like it.

So you're trying to tell me

there's a bunch of Bill Nye the Science Guy looking motherfuckers

underneath me right now?

Experimenting on Black folk,

cloning niggas that look like you so they can control our mind?

Pretty much.

And you need my help to stop 'em?

Well, obviously the answer is no.

But it's our home, man.

Mamas, grandmamas, kids,

they gotta live here too.

And we make things bad for 'em.

But right now, we're all they got.

What kind of stupid-ass shit--?

What the fuck is this nigga talking about, man?

You fucked up coming here, my nigga.

Damn, nigga.

Fuck this nigga up.

-So, no salt, no pepper, nothing? -Nope.

Just the natural flavors of the chicken. Boiling it really brings it out.

Huh.

I just got a Crock-Pot. I'll try that when I get home.

Right on, brother.

Anyhoo, here we are.

Decanting A-0-0-1.

Don't worry, big guy. You'll feel like your old self in no time.

Jo… Jo… Josephine had a fish fry…

Still… I'm-- I'm still… I'm--

Mama, you hungry?

Got that new-car smell, youngblood.

There you go.

Fontaine.

-The fuck do you want? -What do you mean what I want?

-What you want? -Nothing.

Well, now, hold on, hot chocolate. We just negotiating.

-Get out of here. -This is the art of the deal.

You can have it your way, baby--

-Doze off! Doze off!

Doze off! Doze off!

There you go.

Shit!

He's gonna wake up, he gonna kill us.

Ooh, ooh. He's waking up.

I… I… I'm so sorry, Fontaine.

Personally, I would never,

but, you know, a girl needs a little coin in her purse.

-And with the recent cold-- -Listen, player. Just sit tight, okay?

This is time for reflection and silent self-discovery.

-Get the blinds. -Oh.

What you thinking, nigga?

You ain't gonna like it.

You ever play dead?

These bitch-ass niggas think they got it all figured out,

but they forgot I'm a stone-cold pimp goddammit.

I pull tricks for a living.

We gonna beat 'em at they own game.

But first things first,

we need somebody to shoot your Black ass.

Tell Isaac we need to talk, aight? Make it happen.

And fuck you!

-Hold the fuck up. -Shit, man.

Fontaine come up on you, hit you in your shit,

give you $1,000 saying he wanna talk to me?

Man, that's what the nigga said, bruh.

They got eyes everywhere, though.

And you know they gonna be watching us.

Ain't no easier mark than a sucka who sees exactly what he expects to see.

Ten racks.

Ten racks.

-And all I got to do is shoot him again? -That's what he said.

Thirty racks.

Biddy said he said he wants thirty racks.

Thirty? The nigga shot me for free the last time.

He said fine.

He said "fuck you" but fine.

He told me to tell you one more thing.

You better not miss.

Now we got ourselves an Academy-Award-winning cast.

Bunch of Bill Nye the Science Guy-lookin' motherfuckers underneath me right now?

You could do better, bro.

So you're trying to tell me

there's a bunch of Bill Nye the Science Guy-lookin' motherfuckers

underneath me right now?

-That's it. That's it, Denzel. -That's it?

Training Day or Book of Eli?

-Book of Eli. -Fuck. Run it again.

So it's time to put on a show.

…Bill Nye the Science Guy-lookin' motherfuckers underneath me right now?

A show? Nigga, you want me to get shot.

-It's only in the shoulder. -Man, get the fuck…

Don't forget now. They gots to think you dead.

All right. I got it, I got it. I'll be dead, okay? I'm dead.

After that, hitch a ride underground,

get comfortable, and wait till the coast is clear.

Then use that stunning personality of yours to find a volunteer…

I'mma need some directions.

…and get your new best friend to escort you to the control room.

All right. Piece of cake, right.

So while I'm doing all this,

what the fuck you gonna be doing?

I'm bringing the motherfucking cavalry.

Shawty, I got the whole hood with me.

The whole hood with me.

That's how we coming. Shit!

This a revolution.

Excuse me, kind sir.

But if you could point me to the elevator that leads down to the freaky laboratory,

I'll be out your atmosphere.

Ah shit. I got you, big dawg.

Right over there.

Okay. We're here.

-Open this shit up.

Open up all the surface doors.

And hurry the fuck up!

-Fuck.

Well,

let's get it, man.

No! No! You evil mother--

Fuck! Fuck!

-No! No! No!

No!

Mother-- Fuck you. You're going to he--

Hell.

Fuck.

-…towards an egress point! -Fuck 'em up!

Goddamn right!

Get 'em all!

Shit. Ain't playing with these motherfuckers.

Slick Charles.

The girl you're looking for, she's in Room 29.

The testing suites.

-Got that? -I'm on it.

Fry in hell. No.

Gotta tell the boys in R&D to dial it back.

Come on, let's get her to processing.

Speaking of passing out, how's Cheryl doing?

Oh, she's doing good.

-Ugh. Again with the alarms.

-Every day. -Every day.

Goofy motherfuckers.

-Yo-Yo!

Yo-Yo! There your ass is. Yeah!

-Slick? What are you doing here? -Damn! We're here to save your ass.

Is this y'all?

Yeah. Me, Fontaine, and half of the goddamn Glen is here.

Thank you, Slick.

Look, uh,

you know, I never shared my feelings with you.

-You know, pimps stay buttoned up-- -Okay. Save that for later.

Where these niggas at?

Where you want 'em to be?

Head for the stairs!

Hey! What the fuck y'all doing?

Where the fuck you think you're going?

I always knew they was trapping down here.

Y'all gonna learn today.

Guess where I'm at. Yeah, underground.

Underground, nigga.

Hey, man. Come through, man.

Yeah. Bring that pack.

Hey. Tell, uh, Stacy to come through too, man.

Tell her bring little shawtys. I'mma be chilling.

Let's take care of shit right now, Yo-Yo.

Let's free some motherfucking clones.

Goddamn right.

Remember to walk, not run, when exiting the facility.

Please remain calm

and find your way to the nearest egress point.

Please remain calm…

and find your way to the nearest egress point.

Right there!

Please remain calm

and find your way to the nearest egress point.

You was the 1995 International Players Ball Pimp of the Year.

Come on. Hey, hey. Get your ass up out of here.

There you go. Put a little pep in your step.

-Oh shit!

-Fuck. -You know what?

This is my fault.

I should've killed you the first time.

Hell, I should've killed you the second time.

Yeah, no. The east wing is compromised,

but our department has taken minimal losses, sir.

Yes, sir.

Of course.

After all these years…

still so strange.

Good to see you, Fontaine.

-Flank around. -My wife says I'm getting soft.

Come to you?

No, nigga. Go the fuck around.

A few too many mea culpas these days.

Me, I try to find the brighter side of things.

Learning from our mistakes, well, that's how we grow.

Shit.

Maybe when this is over, I'll have the boys come down

and scrape up some of your cells, grow me a secretary.

Well, you know what?

I might have a few complaints to file with HR

about the working conditions in this bitch.

Speaking of Human Resources, where are your friends?

Fucking up your shit as we speak.

Well, one problem at a time.

You're

me.

No.

You're me.

One of the many I've had to create over the years.

So, what, you… you working for them?

Let's just call it a marriage of convenience.

I'm the lead geneticist of this operation.

But… but why?

Ronnie.

Ronnie,

is he--

No, no.

He died

just the way you remember.

It's the one thing I wanted you all to have.

But yes, he is the reason I made a deal with the devil.

A lot of paperwork, Yo-Yo. You know I hate paperwork.

-Fuck paperwork! -Patience.

-I hope you get buried in it! -Pimp hand raised.

-Well, that's funny. -Ready.

What the fuck?

Shit.

You know, we got operations everywhere.

-Los Angeles, Chicago. -Fuck.

But I picked the Glen because it was supposed to be quiet.

Well, here you are causing a racket.

You see, Fontaine, the… the powers that be,

the invisible people above me who pull the strings,

weren't getting the results they wanted.

Years of experimentation.

Billions of dollars spent, yet no true peace in America.

Hair products,

songs on the radio, fried chicken.

Clones maintaining the charade.

Short-sighted, waste of resources.

All because they couldn't see what's so obvious to you and me.

It's not enough to think the same,

we have to be the same.

Nah. You tripping, man.

My work in the Cloning Initiative helped me track down 378 unique genes

that separate you and your ghettos

from your counterparts in the suburbs, the barrios…

Chinatown.

Once I sequenced them all,

I approached my superiors with an addendum,

and I'm sure you're aware of our first test subjects.

In the lab,

the tech,

the manager.

Not complete successes, but they pass.

It's the hair.

It's stubborn.

But we have since perfected the process.

I think niggas might notice

if they wake up one morning with blond hair and blue eyes.

This won't happen overnight, Fontaine.

It'll happen over generations.

And now we are at the precipice of our true national rollout.

Assimilation is better than annihilation.

Shit.

Come on, Yo-Yo. How about we wrap this up?

Shit.

Krav Maga, Tuesdays and Thursdays. How're you feeling, Slick Charles?

-Hey, motherfucker!

You think Ronnie would want this?

Don't presume because I gave you a few memories you know my brother.

You weren't really there that day

when he died.

Come on out, now. Don't be shy.

Come on, now.

You see, Fontaine, he was shot.

Violently.

Right here.

Between interior ribs five and six.

Missed the heart.

Pierced the lungs.

That didn't have to be fatal.

They left him there

alone, scared,

laid out on the cold concrete.

Took him 15 minutes to die.

Why don't you toss that peashooter over to me?

Now!

Cute.

You know, when I arrived at the morgue…

I just stood over him

for a long time.

I… I knew it was him. I just--

They couldn't be bothered to clean all the blood.

And by that time, it had dried up…

crusted black.

So I…

found a rag…

and I cleaned it myself.

I washed his skin.

I spared you from that memory.

I'mma go back to my fucking track. You don't gotta worry about me.

We'll get out of your hair.

I never could understand what you saw in him.

I mean, I don't want to kick a man when he's down,

but he's an idiot.

Well, I guess you could say he's got a flair for the dramatic.

He's Slick.

I… I know you think you did something important here today,

but what happened to Ronnie can never happen again.

So my work will continue all the same.

It must.

We all have a part to play.

I have mine. You had yours.

Wish we could do this forever, but it's been a really long day.

-You take care-- -And he got style.

Nigga got style.

Slick, I know I talk a lot of motherfucking shit,

but that's just a manifestation of my frustration.

I mean, look at this motherfucker.

I can't let you do this.

Oh, I wish I didn't have to.

Chester.

Olympia Black.

He look good, don't he?

From the alligators to the furs,

the leather to the gold chains.

And the motherfucking rings.

Olympia Black.

Olympia Black.

I am not a clone.

No.

He is.

-Shoot him. -Wait--

Ooh, you was taking your precious-ass time. Damn.

That Goodwill suit ain't so bad now, is it?

I was acting, motherfucker.

Donna Kelley here reporting live from an absolutely outrageous scene.

I'm here at the Check Cashing Place

where dozens of confused, mostly naked people have emerged.

911 operators have been inundated with hundreds--

What's amazing is how quickly residents of the Glen have rallied help.

We've got folks out here giving out water, food, clothes off their own backs.

In fact,

I have some fellows who claim to have been the center of all the action.

Sir, could you tell us what the heck is going on?

-A whole lot of gang shit. -Shit.

You know, boys had to click up, storm the castle.

-Do you hear me? Do you hear me?

-But now… -He with it now, though.

…when we see double, we know it's trouble.

You dig?

We some big-steppers with weapons. You know what I'm saying?

Lil baby mama, I love you, girl.

Watergate. Calm down, I got the receipts right here.

They cloning motherfuckers as we speak

in secret laboratories in Chicago, Illinois,

uh, uh, Detroit, Michigan, Los Angeles, Califor--

All day, every day, we're on the scene, trying to figure out what has happened.

I mean, this shit is fucked up!

They're out here cloning niggas. What the fuck going on in this bitch?

That's right. That is the prevailing theory.

A large contingent allegedly disrupted services this morning

at the Greatest Mt. Zion Church of the Holy Ghost right here behind me.

As you can see…

-There he go. 'Taine! -'Taine!

-My nigga! -What up, baby?

-Motherfucker. -Oh.

Oh shit.

Ooh, sorry, sorry.

-This the real Fontaine? -Yeah, man.

They're gonna have a hard time trying to cover this shit up.

Mm.

Oh, oh. And now's a good a time as any to tell y'all. I am retired.

Yo-Yo, I think I'm gonna hang these gator boots up myself.

I can't go back to the Royal because there's another Fontaine

tied up, ready to whoop my motherfucking ass.

You know what I was thinking, Fontaine?

I might follow Yo-Yo's lead and head on down to Memphis, you know?

Maybe they could use a couple of folk with our specialty skill set.

'Cause you know they ain't stop with the Glen.

All the more reason.

Mm-hmm.

How about you?

I don't know.

Just a few days old.

I'll probably see the world.

Memphis don't sound bad.

If y'all…

-Aww. Y'all wanna come with me! -Come on, Fontaine.

Y'all cool with it?

Hello, Los Angeles. It is your partner Big Boy.

-Big Boy! -Big Boy's neighborhood. Listen.

I know that you feel a little shady right now, right?

So go ahead, man, and shyste someone that you love.

Shyste a neighbor. Shyste somebody that you work with.

We gonna hit you guys off right now with that brand new Ruckus, "Shysty,"

right here in the neighborhood.

Mama, you want something from the store?

No. I'm good.

I'm probably gonna hit the Voodoo market later.

Hey, man, let me get some of that.

Thank you.

We are hearing it's an absolute madhouse out there.

Okay, feed's up. We're gonna go live to the scene

with our eyes and ears on the block, Billy Flowers. Billy.

That's right. I'm outside of J-Bo's Pawn Shop here in the city…

…on the corner of Jonesboro and Claire

with what can only be described as clones.

Hold on. Ma'am, please, a word.

Uh…

You, sir.

Where did you come from?

We're gonna keep moving. Let's go this way. Um, sir!

Sir.

Sir.

What's your name?

I have never seen anything like this before.

Hold up.

Once again, clones, here outside of J-Bo's Pawn Shop.

Ain't that you, Tyrone?

Brothers, y'all all right?

All right.