Original subtitles

-Jesus! -Greg. Good morning.

-I thought I locked that. -No, it only locks from my side.

It's a fire safety thing.

-How? -Not sure.

My wife is back from Japan, so I'm hosting a faculty bar night.

And I'm hoping you'll join.

Yeah, I don't know, Walt. I'm not good at parties,

and I don't know anybody.

Just stop by for a drink.

It starts at 8:00 and goes until question mark.

I will try very, very hard to make it.

It was an old-fashioned standoff.

Rooster gave a "don't fuck with me" stare.

But Captain Flaherty was a Navy man,

a little bent from all those years at sea.

He may have even smiled a little.

Rooster's mouth got dry.

He knew one of them...

would die tonight.

Look, even in heightened situations,

I try to make Rooster emotionally authentic.

So, don't be afraid to feel what your character's feeling.

You can't write it if it's not in you.

Alright, hand in your papers on the way out.

I proudly remain a hard copy guy,

so let's see the hard copies.

Fuck the trees, bro.

No, no, that's not-- That wasn't my point.

Hey, hey. Not gonna hand anything in there, big guy?

Not yet, but I'm so close to starting it.

Well, that's the hardest step. Due today.

-Uh-huh. -Oh, and I am excited

to see the style of author everyone decided to emulate.

And we will be reading a few out loud on Monday.

You are not gonna want to read this aloud, my friend.

You are gonna want to be alone.

Okay.

Jesus.

Come, come!

Don't worry, only did my head.

Well done.

-Is that a new necklace? -Yeah.

My wife brought it back from Japan.

She said it makes me look like Paul Mescal,

but I don't know who that is.

-It suits you. -Thank you.

Let's commence mentoring.

I have set up three good job interviews for you,

but the one I'm most excited about is Biotecha.

You'll enjoy Diana. She's a friend.

Years ago, she was more than a friend.

But I wouldn't bring that up.

So, how should I deal with the pregnancy issue?

I mean, I don't mind lying.

Well, at first. And then, I feel guilty and tell the truth a second later.

Authenticity. It's the only way to live your life.

Okay.

Good.

I hate your chain.

Felt that coming.

Mr. Russo! Wait up.

Hm? Oh, hey, Tommy.

-All done. -Alright.

You're gonna love it,

because the guy I chose to emulate is one of the greats.

What? Me?

-Yeah, man. -Oh, come on, that's...

What? No, no, no, no, no. I am not a great. I...

You are a nut.

-Okay, you fail. -What?

I'm kidding! I'm kidding.

-Oh. -Ah.

-I'm looking forward to reading it. -Sweet.

-Thank you, Tommy. -Yeah, yeah, thank you.

You're somethin'.

-You inspire me, bro. -Okay.

Stop it.

Oh.

You don't love it.

I mean, you look radiant.

I used a fan to make her hair blow.

You know, Mo, we really should figure out some sort of system

so that you know when I want you to be a part of our conversations.

I could raise my hand.

Walt told me I should be more authentic.

It just seems kind of crazy to me.

I mean, you know, who posts about their personal business like this?

Well, literally everyone on Earth does it.

I will say that it would be pretty weird if the father did not like that post.

-Mm-hmm. -Just my two cents.

Fine, I will heart the post.

Because I do support you. And now, everybody knows it

-'cause I've hearted it. -Thank you.

Wish me luck.

-I'll see you Monday. -I'll see you then.

It's great. Now, your friends know, your family know.

Strangers know.

Pretty fucked, huh?

Okay, get in those seats, people.

Let's fire this up,

'cause I am back, okay?

-Lights, please, Lily. -Boom, nap time.

I'm just kidding. I wouldn't really do that.

Slideshow's up.

Professor Russo? You okay, Professor Russo?

I'm amazing.

Okay. Gauguin.

Best known for his Tahitian landscapes.

Also known for leaving his wife for a 13-year-old.

Can anyone guess what his consequences were?

I'm gonna give you a hint. He's a man.

-Nothing? -Very good. Very good, Zoey.

Actually, a Gauguin just sold at auction for $105 million.

One almost wishes that his Tahitian mistresses

saw some of that money. Right?

But all they got was syphilis. Yes, Zoey?

Fuck that guy in the face.

Yeah, correct.

Write that down.

Oh, keeping it in the syphilis family, guys, Toulouse-Lautrec.

Wait till you hear about this little French asshole.

I fucking love art history.

The misogyny on this campus is out of control.

I know, it's really kinda making me miss Dubai.

You would be vilified if you behaved like your shitbag husband.

And tell me if I'm being inappropriate.

You are, but I'm drinking it in, so speak freely.

Okay, he's out there literally putting babies

-in everyone. -Yeah.

Well, it's one person, but yes.

Katie, you really need to be getting back in the game,

-okay? -I...

-Just fuck some randos. -Yes.

I don't know. I'm sad, and I'm tired,

and I don't have the energy to learn a new penis.

Well, it doesn't have to be a guy.

I recently started dating lesbians.

-That's cool. -Cute!

I mean, I don't know if I'll stick with it

'cause I don't love having to keep my nails trimmed,

-but... -Ouchie.

Okay. The window for speaking freely is closed forever, actually.

Um, that's my dad.

-Hey, Dad! Dad, come over here. -Huh? Oh, hey!

Come here, save me, hi.

Oh my God! That's--

Don't do--

Dad, what the hell are you doing?

I tripped and turned it into the "Walk Like an Egyptian" dance.

-Okay. -Uh-huh.

What do you guys do when you trip?

So...

I don't mean to invade your space, but could I...

-Sit, yeah. -Thank you.

Loved watching you beat Archie's perfect ass

-with a ladle. -I wouldn't say it's perfect.

Come on, Dad, it's pretty good.

I mean, I just really appreciated you,

like, taking the fight to a male oppressor.

Mm, you're welcome. I would do anything for Katie.

"For Katie." I love that.

Let's do it for Katie. Cute.

Yeah. Yeah.

-Come on. -No, that's dumb when I do it.

-Bye, guys. -Bye-bye.

They think I should get back out there.

-They're right, you should. -If I have to, you have to.

What do they know? They're stupid kids.

Really?!

I was not mocking Egyptian culture.

Oat latte.

I tripped and turned it into a funny little dance.

Double espresso.

This is not for you.

-Didn't want one. -Yes, you did.

-Didn't actually. -Did too.

-No. -And a black coffee

for our fearless leader.

-Thank you. -I owe you an apology.

Guys, I get rude at hockey games.

I may lash out

and call people "mean"

when they are actually being very reasonable.

But I am learning.

I was not kind.

If I was going through all that...

I'd lose my shit, too.

I didn't lose it.

You did.

-I'm sorry. -I'm sorry, too.

What the fuck are you two talking about?

-Seriously, I have yoga. -Is it hot yoga?

-Regular yoga. -Would I like that?

Okay, we can be done. Cristle?

States you acknowledge the infraction,

and the walks that are not allowed on campus.

Crip, Clown, Scooby. Quasimodo?

-I wouldn't do that. -Okay, just sign here, please.

-Okay. -And thank you

-for the flat white. -Oh, sure.

It's very creamy.

And I'll take my pen. Thank you.

Hey, you going to Walt's later tonight?

-How bad is it? -Free booze.

-Mm! -And we all talk about

whatever his wife culturally appropriated

-over her recent travels. -Aha!

Come on, Greg, it'll be fun. We can watch Walt and Joanie

give each other hungry looks all night.

-Ah. -And no one's talking about it,

-but we're all thinking the same thing. -What?

They're gonna fuck later

-and it's gonna be gross. -Oh!

Yeah, well, now, I'm definitely not gonna go.

Oh, oh, oh, you are dreaming.

-Hmm? -You're Walt's shiny new toy

-and he wants to show you off. -Oh.

-You can't say no. -Oh.

-Come on. -Okay.

Ah! As requested.

Oh, thank you.

I can't wait to read these.

You know,

I might push this kid Tommy to submit something.

He had to write a story

in the voice of his favorite author,

and he chose... me.

Come on, no big deal.

Let me see it, then.

It's a first draft. It's a little undercooked.

-Let me. -But you get the gist.

"Rooster was angry, like an angry person."

Yeah, he's pretty mad in this.

"Moreover, his feathers rustled in the breeze.

-Ba-cock." -Mm.

Does he think Rooster's an actual rooster?

Only in some parts.

Sorry, sorry.

Repetitive adjectives, the use of the word "moreover."

Sounds like artificial intelligence.

Your accent sounds like artificial intelligence.

AI is an existential threat to what we do.

Tommy would never do that. You know what?

Just to prove it, I will ask him personally.

"Did you use AI...

for your story?"

"Yes."

-Why would you admit that? -He can get expelled for this.

-Oh, please, this guy. Come on. -Greg, he's not wrong.

You know, you really surprise me, Greg,

'cause I know that you got strong feelings about cheating,

due to the fact that I'm currently supping

upon a lukewarm cup of Walt's dog-piss excuse for coffee

because you refused to buy me an oat milk cortado.

Oh, don't make this personal, Arch.

Me? Christ alive, man, when are you gonna stop punishing me?

For humiliating my daughter?! Oh, I don't know.

Maybe until she recovers emotionally, and remarries, and you die.

Tommy is a good kid.

I want him gone.

You are such a petty little man.

-Well, guess what, man-- -You're about to take this kid down

-for absolutely no reason! -Okay. Okay. Okay!

Here's what we're gonna do.

He fails the assignment, no matter what.

Thank you.

When's the assignment officially due?

-Midnight. -Have him submit a new story

to me, by then.

-Otherwise, he is out. -Done.

How is it done?

It's not done, but it will be done! And I'll tell you why.

Because Tommy is a great student.

Wow, this place is cool.

Don't love that you've never been here before.

It smells like my grandpa's in here.

Oh, my God.

Here's the deal. I have to work on my new book.

You have to rewrite your story by midnight, or your life is over.

Wait, there's a Rooster book that's not published yet?

-Yes. -If I could just snag some of that,

I'd be done.

No, no, no. We have to get to work. We can hold each other accountable.

-Oh, there he is. -Oh, mm.

Just confirming your attendance this evening.

I'm so sorry, Walt. I'm not gonna be able to make it tonight.

Tommy and I have a little work to do.

Yeah, we're accountability buddies.

Accountability comes from within, young man.

And Greg, it bears mentioning that Teddy Roosevelt once said,

"While I hope that as the chance occurs,

each man will get all the fun that he can out of life."

-That's great advice. -It's a freebie.

I'm gonna keep that in my pocket.

Next time you have a shindig, I'm definitely gonna be there.

I see.

Can I have your attention, please?

It is Friday night and you're at college.

Shut the books and go do some living.

The library is officially closed.

-See you tonight, Greg? -Yeah, yeah, I'm excited.

-Wear something appropriate. -I will.

-Where we going? -You're busy.

How did he know where I was?

I'm everywhere, Greg.

Fudge!

No, no, no, no.

You cannot bail. If I'm going, you're going.

Who made that rule? I wanna have a bath and be by myself.

Well, here's what we're gonna do.

I am going to shoot a penny, and if I get it in, we both go,

-and have a great time. -You and your fucking pennies.

Here we go.

Please tell me you missed. I've ordered Thai food.

Sorry, kiddo, I never miss. We can do this.

Gimme that cleave.

Nope, you're a slut.

Oh, hey.

Hey, sorry to pop by unannou--

Wow. You look...

Wow.

Hey, is that the dress that you got when we were at Portabello Road,

and then went for drinks with Roland, and it started--

Yeah, I'm not currently doing memory lane. Why are you here?

Well...

I was wondering if I could maybe have Roscoe tonight?

I've had such a shit day.

Apparently, I have to heart my unborn child,

otherwise I'm a terrible father.

-So, you're not going to Walt's? -No, no.

Too many eyes on me. Don't think I can stomach

being the talk of the town.

Mm, yeah, that'd be awful.

Yeah.

I'm not gonna lie. It does my heart good to see you suffer.

Well, I'm glad I can be of service.

Listen, I think you'll have a great night.

I hated these things when we would go together.

I don't know how I'll do it on my own.

You'll be fine. Just get, like, a little bit too drunk,

and then you'll be everyone's best friend.

You can take Roscoe,

but bring him back in the morning.

Giuseppe! O te amo!

-Ugh. Ugh! -Oh, mio bellissimo ragazzo!

-Never got used to that -Oh, my gorgeous boy.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

-Hello. -Hi.

Do I give-- Okay.

Thank you.

There's my guy!

Go ahead, grab yourself a drink, and then circle back here.

Mm.

I was worried that I'd be overdressed.

At least I'm not wearing a kimono.

Wow, that song ended abruptly.

Hi, I'm Greg.

I'm Joanie.

Walt's wife.

Oh, sure.

-Konnichiwa. -Arigato.

Would you mind if I left?

Hey, Tommy.

Mr. Russo, hey! Sick fit!

You look like you work on a cruise ship.

Thanks.

Shouldn't you be writing?

Chill, my guy. I got it all done.

-Excellent. -Yeah.

Maybe I will have some light reading to do before bed.

You're going to bed already?

That is, like, super depressing.

-Yeah. -Hey, you should come out.

-Oh, no, no, no. -Everyone will love it.

I don't think so.

All good.

This is stupid anyway.

What's that?

I was just trying to impress some guys with this bad boy.

I don't have a lot of friends here.

Just really sick of feeling like an outsider, you know?

-Well, good night. -Good night.

-Hey, Tommy. Wait up. -Yeah?

Hell, yeah! Let's go.

-Alright, alright. -Okay.

One, two, three. Oh, that's way heavier than I remember.

Yo, yo!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up! -Bro, you cheat

-every time we fucking play. -Alright!

I'll back up.

They said I could play if I brought a partner.

-Fuck. Fuck, shit. -What do you think?

I think we'll be fine.

Wanna grab my coat?

-And where do I stand? -Here's good.

-The elbow just can't pass the table. -Elbow can't pass that.

Yeah, don't be a cheater like JD.

Alright, I'll do my best.

Oh!

-Hey! -Beginner's luck.

-That's beginner's luck. -Wow.

-I just take another shot? -Yeah.

Alright, I'm gonna try it.

That was kind of fun to get one in.

-Oh! -What the fuck?

See what happens this time?

-Oh! -Oh, my God.

Hey, bally, are you thirsty?

-Oh! -Boom!

Oh!

Yeah, Mr. Russo!

Oh!

-Fuck, that's game! -Fuck, man, I can't believe it!

-Ha, ha! -Drink! Drink! Drink!

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Here we go.

Boom!

-How are you doing this? -I don't know.

How am I doing this?

There's no way that can fucking happen.

You are a god!

Man, fuck this noise. I'm tapping out.

-Yeah, run away, you little bitch! -Fuck you, Tommy!

You always do this shit when you win.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa!

Are you already friends with these knuckleheads?

Yeah, but we're so glad that you're here.

Alright, boys. Drink up.

Wait, if we won, why are we drinking?

Because we won.

Alright, one. One, one, one, just one.

Yeah.

Ooh, wow!

What is that? Ugh, God.

-Here you go. -Wow.

That looks very dirty.

Okay.

Are you okay?

I...

I haven't flirted in a while.

Eye contact was my move. What do you think?

Feels like you're mad at me.

If I was mad at you, you'd know.

What the fuck?

-Oh! -Oh, I'm so sorry.

It's all good. You know, I actually have another gig across town,

so I'm heading out, but Tim will make you a fresh one.

Cool, cool, cool, cool. That's so cool. I'm just gonna flirt with Tim.

Okay.

Yeah, me too, Tim.

I saw nothing.

But that made me sad. Come join me.

Sweet house, Mr. Russo.

There is so much pot smoke in here.

I almost feel like I am smoking it.

Bro, look in your hand.

Oh-ho-ho-ho! Hello there!

This couch is freaking me out.

I used to have one just like it growing up.

I lost my virginity to it.

-You mean on it? -I do not.

-Oh, dude! -What the fuck?

No, no, no. No, no. Don't be embarrassed, George.

We've all got our weird stuff.

He's right.

You ever heard of someone with a third nipple?

-Careful. -You've got one of those?

I did.

-Don't do it. -And a fourth.

Don't do it.

-And a fifth. -Damn! What the...

Five nipples is an anomaly.

I was teased like crazy in high school.

So, I had 'em removed before I came here.

Got my confidence back.

That's a great story, Pig Tits.

Oh, that is gonna stick. I warned you.

-I miss high school. -You know, me and Bernice

were all in love and shit.

Stop it with this fucking Bernice shit.

Dude, she dumped me hard.

Tommy, you have to get over her. Trust me.

My wife left me five years ago...

and I still haven't bounced back.

I haven't been, you know, haven't been with anybody since.

-No fucking way. -It is the truth, Pig Tits.

Gotta get back in the game, man. I mean, look, you're not fugly.

-You're fucking great at beer pong. -Amazing.

Those are the two things women my age are looking for.

That's the spirit, "Grg."

-That's the fucking spirit. -Okay, well,

this has been really fun,

-but I am going to bed. -Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you talking about? We're going out.

What are you talking about? It's...

it's 9:15, dude.

Come on, Rooster. What are you gonna do?

-Come on, Georgie. -Sit at home? Be lonely?

No, I'm gonna do exactly what I want to do.

I'm gonna lie in bed eating garlic knots on a Friday night.

You said you never went to college.

You gotta have at least one epic night out.

I have imbibed just enough alcohol to be at a perfect level--

I am not going to succumb to peer pressure.

No! I'm not gonna do it.

Come on, we're going!

Alright, alright! Okay, let's go!

I was worried about my diet, and I told her I eat vegetables,

but I don't fuck with...

Yo, this is gonna be lit.

We don't have frats, but it's a frat-themed party,

-which is gonna be just as good. -No, it's not, bro.

My cousin is in a real frat.

I mean, they draw dicks on each other's faces.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

In a real frat, you draw faces on each other's dicks!

-What? -I've never been to a frat.

-Oh, my God. -Whoa, whoa. Hey!

What in the heck?

Ooh!

-Russo! -Hey!

You responsible for this?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! We didn't do anything.

-"We"? -Yeah, we--

What?

Where did they go?

Why do you have paint on your hand there?

Oh, I just touched it.

"I just touched it" is the number one excuse

I hear from guilty people.

These graffiti tags,

they've been going up all over the campus.

And I know you're responsible.

-No, no, no, no, no. -Yeah, 'cause the paint

isn't even wet anymore. Yes, it is.

Yes, it is very wet still.

-I could have told you that, man. -And now, it's on my gun.

-Oh, let me get you. -No, don't!

-Don't. -I'm sorry.

Have you been drinking?

Have you been drinking?

I'm watching you, Greg.

I'm watching you.

No. Do not say it after I say it.

I'm watching you.

-I'm watching-- -No! Ah! Ah!

I am watching you. Mm!

Good night, Officer.

I'm watching you.

-Let's do this. -Oh, guys!

Where did you go? That was so awesome.

This is the best night of my life.

Rooster! Rooster! Rooster! Rooster!

Thank you.

My boring date's in here somewhere.

-Have fun settling. -Mm, thank you.

And so, there's Roland,

absolutely knackered, naked as the day he was born.

No way.

Mounting the constable's horse.

What the fuck are you doing here?

If you'll excuse us, I think we need a moment here.

Why aren't you at home being miserable with our dog?

You tricked me. You made me think you were human.

-You always do that. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What makes you think I'm not sad?

I was moping, so I took Roscoe out for a walk,

and he sort of looked up at me as if to say...

"What are you doing, mate? Get a grip."

So, I looked in the mirror.

I said to myself, "You're amazing."

And here I am.

Okay, none of that is true.

You saw me looking hot in this dress, and you couldn't even let me go to a party

without making it all about you.

I do love that dress.

You're such a prick.

-I remember you. -Hi.

So, things didn't work out with Tim?

Oh, I was supposed to meet him later, but he died of old age.

Did you give him the flirty eye contact?

I did, yeah.

A penis shot?

Hey, crushing it, brutha!

-Oh. A penis shot? -No, thanks.

Oh, yo, yo. This song is for my friend, Greg,

who won't shut up until I play it for him.

Thank you.

Are you okay?

This song is how I feel every day.

Your daughter is my favorite professor.

I was supposed to see her tonight at this faculty thing.

But I ran away.

Oh, no, sad dad. What happened?

Nothing, really. I just got scared.

-Like a bitch? -Like a bitch. Yes.

Dude, you gotta do something about him, man.

He's murdering the vibe.

Fun question. Eva.

Have you ever looked in the mirror

and seen a scared, hairy old man looking back at you?

No. But that would definitely freak me the fuck out.

Yeah, it's pretty horrifying.

Hey, can I scoochie on real quick right there?

-Yeah. -Thank you.

Thanks. Thank you.

-Oh. -Yeah, a little bit more.

Oh, sorry.

That's better.

Made it.

Hey, man.

I think your time with us might be over.

Feeling the same thing.

Gotta pee, though, and I can't unbutton my pants.

Would you take these off, please?

-Hey, you know it's against the rules. -Right.

I apologize for being such a buzzkill tonight.

What are you talking about?

This was epic. Are you fucking high?

Yeah, probably a little, still.

Me, too.

Oh, perfect time to knock out that paper.

No, really?

You haven't even started it yet?

I got inspo, spent the night with the real Rooster.

-I'm not Rooster. -Yeah, you are.

No, I'm not. As much as I would like to be,

I just have spent way too much time being me.

Come on, this is college.

You get to reinvent yourself here.

Just decide whoever you want to be, and you be that shit.

-Fellas. -Oh, God.

Poor Pig Tits. I can't even remember his real name.

It's JD.

Pig Tits is better.

Yeah.

You know, I wasn't lying when I said I didn't fit in.

I'm a townie.

I only got accepted 'cause you get in if one of your folks works here.

But, hey, I mean, look at me,

hanging out with the-- with the fancy kids, huh?

So, you know, you can be the Rooster if you want.

It's like you say.

Can't write it if it's not in you, man.

Hmm.

Alright, help me up.

-Yes, sir. -Thank you, sir.

-Of course. -Come here.

-Okay. -Bring it in.

Yep.

-Good night, Tommy. -Wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Bam. Yeah.

Good night, Rooster.

The Rooster got out of the handcuffs

the same way he had a thousand times before.

He made his way to the Cherry Blossom Club

and walked in like he owned the place.

He was looking for Eduardo.

It was time to face the music.

I owe you an apology, Walt.

I insulted your wife earlier for being vaguely racist,

and I'm sorry.

Joanie looks lovely, by the way.

She looks ridiculous, Greg.

She has chopsticks in her hair, for God's sake.

But can I tell you something? That is not gonna stop me

from taking a run at her later.

Cool visual.

You go ahead and wait here. I'm gonna bring this to Joanie,

and then I'm gonna introduce you to everybody.

-Sounds good. -Yeah.

And that's when he spotted Bernice.

He'd been thinking about this moment since the first time they met.

And he'd left her alone at the docks.

It was now or never.

Dylan.

Hey.

Listen.

That night in front of your house?

I regretted it the minute I left.

Bernice said exactly what he wanted to hear.

Cool.

This is Chris.

-Whoa. Solid handshake. -Yeah.

You take care of our girl.

-What? -My loss.

Seeing Bernice's new guy made Rooster angry,

like an angry person.

But he shook it off. There were other fish in the sea.

Hey, don't tell anyone, but I love your books.

-I'm telling everyone. -Oh!

This was his nightclub now.

Scotch, please.

And someone...

Hey, Rooster.

...was getting lucky tonight.

You must have been really thirsty.

I was born thirsty.

Where were you born?

-Let's just have sex. -I know just the place.

Over there! Mm!

Wait, wait, wait.

Does it have to be in Walt's office?

-That's part of it for me. -Okay.

Clear the desk.

Oh, God, that's heavy.

The last few years were a blur.

All he could tell you was he'd lost his way for a while.

-Leave the egg. -Yeah, we might use that later.

Still, he knew one thing for certain.

The Rooster was back.

-Open me up. -You got it, baby.

Dad?

Katie. Morning.

Where are you coming from?

Just out for a jog.

Who's the other coffee for?

Roscoe.

Can't wake up without an espresso.

Alright.

Okay, you have to take this to go.

This was a mistake.

Didn't feel like a mistake.

Wait, you didn't park your car outside of my house, did you?

I'm a clever boy. Parked it around the block.

-Do you wanna go again? -Get the fuck out!

Bye-bye.