Original subtitles

Mmm.

This tea is delicious, Daphne.

What is your secret?

Oh, that's what it is. Okay.

Jim, uh, really?

These HR seminars are endless. What is this?

Respecting the workplace?

Meh.

We did one of those at the fuse box.

I just rounded up everybody and I said, hey, cut it out. You know what you're

doing.

End of seminar.

Well, our insurance company requires a little more than that.

We just have to find a new HR person.

Our last guy got MeToo'd.

He was demonstrating unsolicited hugging and got a little grabby.

Well, Dave, you're an HR pro. Why don't you do the seminars?

You've done a million of them. Sounds like a little bit of a conflict of

interest to me. I also tend to get a little grabby with the boss sometimes.

Look, Dave, this is perfect, man.

You're always looking for an excuse to lecture people.

Well, I am good at it.

Thank you for all the tea, Daphne. Uncle Malcolm has to go get changed because

Mercedes is taking him to the Usher concert tonight.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Mama. What?

Oh, oh. Are you okay?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

My back.

My whole damn back.

Oh, son, I've been there.

I mean, the tiara makes it so much sadder, but...

Welcome to the block. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Welcome to the...

Who's

ready to see Usher?

Yeah, about Usher.

Oh, my God. What happened?

He threw his back out having a tea party with little Daphne.

Oh, what a good uncle you are.

Well, forget about the concert. I'll stay here and take care of you.

Oh, no, baby, that's sweet. But don't be silly. You go ahead.

Really? Yeah.

Have fun. Take a friend.

Okay, I could.

Or I could spend some quality time with your mom.

Uh, Tina?

Okay, Mercedes, if you think you're going to score points with me by taking

to see Usher, then you are absolutely right.

Guys, the hour we've all been waiting for draws nigh.

You told Marty about my seminar?

No, man, I'm talking about proposing to Courtney.

Oh, great.

I hate having to keep that secret from Tina.

Secrets are meant to be shared with everyone, Marty.

Jim, it took so long for the ring to come in, and I still need to get her

blessing. But April 5th is the perfect day, obviously.

Why is that obvious?

It's first contact day.

And Star Trek 8, the day in 2063 where the Vulcans and the humans meet.

Oh, that's so sweet.

I don't know what it means, but so sweet.

All right, setting up your own room. I just need to make the bed.

Yeah, well, you may have to carry me in there.

You should have known better. I mean, babies are cute, but they are dangerous.

You must have hurt yourself a lot picking me up, huh?

You were a big -ass baby, but no.

I was a young dad.

By the time I was your age, you were 12.

Thank you for the pep talk, Pop.

Anytime, Unc.

Oh, oh, look.

Seriously, Pop, have I wasted too much time?

You know, my little brother already has a family.

Oh, son, you're doing great, man. I mean...

You graduated college.

You're a published writer.

Finally found my passion.

Bought my first home.

And then there's Mercedes.

She is pretty great, Pop.

You're smiling like you just cashed a check. What's going on?

That's all right. That's all right. I know you're doing good, son. I'm proud

you. You're a mature, grown -ass man.

Oh, thank you, Pop. So which one do you want? The baseball sheets or the space

jam? Space jam.

She got a cherry.

She got a cherry!

What are you saying?

Do you know how Usher always picks a couple of lucky women in the crowd and

seduces them with a cherry?

Yeah, well, tonight he picked your woman. Yeah!

Look at that.

Isn't that cool?

Hell no, that ain't cool.

Oh. My.

God. Your girlfriend.

is trending, Malcolm.

Hashtag Mercedes Usher cherry bomb.

Yay!

Uh, is Tina in that video?

No, look, it's nothing, Pop. He just puts on a little show.

Oh, he puts on a show, all right. He just skates around shirtless, all oiled

in a fur coat.

Tina better not be in that video.

She didn't take a cherry, Mr. B. Yes, right. I know she didn't.

What's wrong with it, Calvin? If I'd have been there, I'd have been begging

a cherry like a baby bird.

Oh, that old usher. He's something else, huh? He's a wild boy.

Yes, he is.

Oh, look at that. Still got my VIP wristband on.

So he can just do whatever up on stage, huh?

You know what? I got to admit, That cherry thing was a lot of fun.

Fun? Yeah.

Fun, fun.

It was just fun.

Don't tell me that you are on their side about this.

I'm sorry, whose side?

Marty, Gemma, all of them. They think it's fine to be disrespectful in your

relationship or to get a piece of dirty fruit from a half -naked, greased -up

little boy.

But in their defense, I mean, it's not just any man. I mean, Usher has the

of an angel. Ooh, and he could really dance to those skates. Oh, my God.

You know what? I guess I'm the only one that's out of my mind that thinks it's

not OK to be taking food from somebody you don't even know if he washed his

hands or not.

Calvin,

Calvin.

You are acting like a grumpy old man.

OK, if it'll make you feel better, I promise I will never let any man put any

food in my mouth.

For any reason, okay?

Come on, baby, it's chewy.

This one.

Come on.

Yeah. All the spoons are dirty. It's a knife and fork kind of night.

Welcome to the seminar. I'm Dave Johnson.

Now, we have two options today. We can make this dry and just get it over with,

or... No.

No, no.

It's not a vote.

Or we can make it fun.

Why are we here today?

As Aretha Franklin would say...

I'm still going to finish writing it.

Mr. B, do you have any cough syrup?

Daphne gave me her cold. This is her way of saying thanks.

For giving me life.

Oh, look.

Whoa.

Do you know you have stickers all over your face?

Yes. Do you want me to help you get them off? No, no.

Whenever I'm sick, I break out. These are covering my pimple.

Oh. Okay, so having stickers of little flying saucers all over your face is

better than pimples?

I thought it was until this conversation.

Can I... Have the medicine, please. Yeah, yeah.

Of course.

Cherry flavored.

Are you still tripping about Usher? Ain't nobody tripping off no Usher.

Okay. Good.

All right, fine.

Last night, Tina and I got into a little tiff.

Why? Because.

She agreed with you, Marty, all of y 'all.

Y 'all don't see how this cherry thing is disrespectful to a relationship.

Oh, come on, Mr. B.

Lighten up a little. The cherry thing, it's just fun.

Fun? If she wanted to have fun, she shouldn't have gotten married.

And that is why there is a difference between saying, that's a nice sweater,

you really fill out that sweater.

You get it now, Dan?

Okay, I feel like the energy is flagging a bit, so it's candy time!

Heads up! Ew!

You hit me in the eye!

I said heads up!

Okay, you know what? Let's open up the floor. Who can share an experience where

they felt like they were being disrespected? And please remember, no

A guy came into the school and threw candy at my face.

Again, I'm sorry you don't understand the phrase, heads up. Anyone else?

I gave a third grader a B. The parents came after me, said I was ruining his

chances at Harvard.

Okay, frustrating.

I get that.

Oh, the worst part was an unnamed administrator told me to just take it.

Yes, this unnamed administrator seems completely checked out. They're supposed

to have our back.

Look, that unnamed administrator has a lot going on, OK? She can't handle

everything for you. Or he, let's not gender.

This person used to care too much, and now she's just like, whatever.

And on crazy hair day, she came in with regular hair.

We all look like idiots.

I spent my whole night putting in cornrows.

We're going to have to have a separate sidebar about that.

Gemma was busy, okay? She forgot.

Okay, Tia, Tia, again, no names.

She forgot? She forgot to do her job?

Oh, now you're saying that she doesn't do her job. Too busy to do her job. No,

she's been busy and bad.

Listen,

we don't have to have your back. Okay, look out, everyone. It's cloudy with a

chance of milking.

Jeez, your back is a mess.

Just from playing with a baby?

A toddler, okay? Way heavier than a baby.

Hey, but look, I, um, I saw that video of you and Usher and... Oh.

So this tension is less baby and more cherry.

I guess. And I know, I know, I should not care about Usher giving you that

cherry. But you do. Very much so.

Malcolm, it's just a show.

I've gotten cherries from Usher three times.

I've taken a rose from Harry Styles.

I've twerked on Drake.

It's not that.

I just, did you say you twerked on Drake?

Don't tell me you're one of those controlling types.

Oh, no.

No, I am not, OK? I never have been, ever. And I've been with hundreds of

OK, because that's not going to, hundreds of women?

No, not hundreds.

I... Look, Mercedes, the point is this, you and me,

it just feels different.

I get it.

Usually when Usher gives me the cherry, he grinds on me and I grind on him.

That's not helpful.

What I'm saying is last night, for the first time ever,

I stopped the grind.

Because I was thinking of you.

Really? Yes.

You ruined the grind for me, Malcolm.

And I know we've only been together for a few months, but I've never felt like

this about anyone.

Ever.

You've been married twice.

And your point is?

All I know is I have spent my whole life waiting, worrying about

making a commitment, overthinking everything.

It's wasting time, way too much time. And now the best thing that's ever

happened to me is right here in front of me. And I don't want to waste another

minute.

What do you think?

I am saying that I am in love with you.

I'm in love with you, too.

That's good to hear, because I'm about to do something crazy.

How crazy?

Well, I hope it's not too crazy, because I don't have a ring or anything like

that. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you sure you want to be my third husband?

No.

I want to be your last husband.

Sadie, will you marry me?

Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Now get up and kiss me.

Oh, OK. OK, I can't. Oh, OK.

I'm down.

Thank you, everyone.

It's a great session.

All right, let's get out of here.

Gemma, we should really debrief. There are some staff who feel like the

administration could be treating their concerns with a little more... Tammy,

that weasel Scott said that you've been acting like you don't have a damn left

to give.

Tina, no names.

Okay, fine.

You know, you have been a little checked out lately, but they tore you a new

one. Then Rick, Shoshana, Betsy, and Phil jumped in. Oh, and then Janet.

Started popping off.

Tina, can you give us a minute, please?

All right, I'm going to go corner Tammy in the parking lot. No, please don't.

Gemma, please take this with a grain of salt.

You know, employees, they like to blow off steam.

I don't know.

I think maybe they're right.

When Grover was here, I saw the school through rose -colored glasses.

But now that he's graduated?

I guess I'm just not feeling it anymore.

You're still doing such a great job, and you're helping these kids so much.

Am I?

I mean, that's why I got into teaching, but now?

Seems like I'm just kissing ass, raising money, and helping privileged parents

get their entitled kids into Range Rovers.

Why didn't you tell me you felt this way?

Because I know it's a great job, and it pays well.

The pension is amazing.

I just miss loving it.

Tina and Tammy are in the parking lot, and their earrings are off.

Oh, my.

Oh,

my.

Alvin?

Good day.

About last night.

Look, I know that I can be a possessive old school pain in the butt.

Yes, go on.

I'm sorry.

You deserve everything that life has to offer.

I want you to have every cherry in the world.

Come on, have a seat.

Well, why do you want me to sit down?

Girl, for what I paid for this coat, you're going to get these cherries.

Mommy! Daddy!

Would you relax? Your mama just having some fresh fruit.

We ought to start locking that door. Oh, don't worry. I will be knocking.

Hey, guys.

Ooh, terrific coat, Calvin.

Tina, I just wanted to thank you for...

Don't y 'all have cherries at your house?

Hey.

No, no, no. Your parents are not receiving visitors.

I think they are going to want to hear this.

Family, we have an announcement.

Malcolm and I are getting married.

This isn't happening.

Malcolm, you can't do this to me, man.

What? You know I've been planning to propose to Courtney for months.

I paid George Sakai $200 for a congratulatory cameo.

Marty? Will you give me a second, girl?

From here you come.

You're going to want to steal my thunder. Do you even have a ring?

I have a ring, Malcolm.

Marty.

Oh.

Hi,

Courtney.

You were going to propose to me?

You heard that, huh?

You were yelling pretty loud, so.

OK, you know what?

Screw it.

Oh, my goodness.

Courtney.

Diane Pridgen.

I'm gushing snot. I have pimple stickers all over my face. I have sweatpants on

from the drugstore.

This can't be the moment that I remember for the rest of my life.

So all those stickers are this?

Yikes.

Okay.

Look, this isn't how I wanted to do this either.

So, if today's no,

If another day is yet, don't make any plans for April the 5th.

First contact day?

First contact day.

Calvin,

you okay, baby?

Yeah, no.

No, it's just bright in here.

Hey, little bro, we didn't mean to steal your thunder.

It wasn't planned at all.

It's okay, man.

I'm happy for you.

I'm happy for you, too.

You know who I'm happy for?

Me!

Oh, my goodness!

I get to have two weddings!

Oh, this is great! Two weddings?

Yeah! I'm gonna have to return this coat.