Original subtitles

[Immortus] Previously on Doom Patrol...

I enacted my plan to retrieve the pieces of Immortus

and use them to summon him.

All that's left now is you.

I'm doing this for you, Rory.

-[Cliff grunts] -No!

[Rama] A healthy dose of radiation might allow me to rehabilitate myself!

-Don't let go! -[grunts]

Thank you.

[Dorothy] These people here, they're the only family I have left.

I have to help them.

-You're hurting. -I'm not real.

I'm just a construct.

You're not real either.

You and I both know that you are destined for something bigger than this.

You're Cyborg.

Immortus is here!

Hey, you guys.

Isabel fucking Feathers.

It was my fault that you fell into that time hole,

-Immortus. -[screaming]

[in demonic voice] You dare utter my true name!

[Madame Rouge] There's something wrong with Isabel,

we have to stop her.

Fuck [in demonic voice] no!

[sprightly song playing]

[Dorothy singing] Immortimas

Yes, it's Immortimas

There's absolutely nothing sus

About today

Good morning, Sex Ghosts!

[sex ghosts] Good morning, Dorothy!

Happy Immortimas Day!

[all singing] Immortimas

We raise our voices in harmony

It's Immortimas Day!

-Whoa, whoa! -[thuds]

[Casey grunting]

Casey! I told you to use the front door!

Then how would you be the first person I wish a happy Immortimas to?

[both squeal happily]

Come on, let's get some breakfast before Cliff eats it all.

[chuckles]

[singing] We celebrate Immortus And the day she was born

From the time stream To our heart strings

It's Isabel we adore

Oh, thank Immortus

I've got no one to answer to but me

And I'm so blessed with the circus

My found family

And your neighbor, Casey

Morning, Dorothy!

-Happy Immortimas Day! -Happy Immortimas Day!

[all singing] It's a beautiful day!

Everything is Isabel's way!

She can do no wrong

She's the subject of this song

All we do is love and obey

On Immortimas Day!

Good morning, Sex Ghosts

Wrap up your foreplay

It is time for us to celebrate

My favorite holiday

Made brand new sweaters

For all my Doomies

Back me up, you sexy ghosts

And cover up your boobies

[all] Praise Immortimas Day

-I'm giving my -[all] She's giving her

Sweaters away

You'll be snug as a bug

For the price of one hug

One measly hug

One lingering hug

Wow!

[exclaims excitedly] For me? Oh, God.

Good morning, Sex Ghosts!

Have you had your morning fuck?

[sex ghosts] You know we did!

Holy moly!

This is the softest sweater in the whole darn world.

Look at us, we look fantastic!

[singing] I can almost taste the ham--

You're being weird. Stop stroking your sweater.

[singing] I'm a lucky man Life couldn't get any better

[all] It's a beautiful day!

Everything is Isabel's way!

She can do no wrong

She's the subject of this song!

All we do is love and obey

On Immortimas Day!

[all] Vic! Welcome home! Detroit's finest is back!

Happy Immortimas, all!

Deric sends gifts to unwrap.

[singing] Praise Immortus The robotics program is a hit

Two kids were awarded Scholarships on merit

Larry! Your sweater's getting cold!

And you're missing all the fun!

[whooshing]

Good morning, Keeg!

Happy Immortimas!

[singing] Today's a special day

I can't wait For them to see

How happy we'll all be

104 and Keeg and me

I have never brought a suitor home

Can you believe it?

Well, finally we're not alone

How about this cable knit?

If only I had a uniform I could wear every day,

I wouldn't have to make these decisions.

[all singing] Born Isabel from Cloverton

Our savior's story's just begun

When she fell into the time stream

It opened up her mind, see

In Orqwith they assembled her soul

Brought her back and made her whole

[chuckles]

It's a beautiful day

'Cause it's all Isabel's way

Immortimas Day is where we all belong

We love and obey

And all sing along

Nothing is weird

Everything's fine

We're all okay

On

Immortimas Day!

[Madame Rouge breathing heavily, grunting]

Rita says we have to put up the Birth of Immortus display.

-Ugh! -Come! [giggles]

Ugh! Why do I always get stuck doing the worst Immortimas Day jobs?

-[sighs] -I wouldn't say stuck.

It seems kind of fun.

How do you stay so positive?

I can't help it. It's Immortimas Day.

The happiest day of the year!

Yeah.

Then why do I feel like something's off?

Maybe your inner self is trying to tell you something.

Hearing any voices in your head lately? [chuckles]

[scoffs] That'd be pretty weird. [chuckles]

Yeah, let's get to work.

[upbeat rock song playing]

[singing] Hey, am I doing this right?

I can't remember If the dinosaur

Goes in front or behind

Now I'm reeling What's this feeling?

It's like warm butterflies

What could it be?

Am I doing this right?

Hey, am I doing this right?

It should be easy To be cheesy

But I'm lost in the night

It's like I'm feeling Something's missing

Or it's just out of sight

What could it be?

Am I doing this right?

[both] It's like I'm falling through space

Is it all in my head?

I pray for a sign

Is she the key?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Have I been flung from the time stream?

I am the blow up man

And the blow up man is me

Hey, am I doing this right?

I don't know what I'm looking for

But I'll see what I find

If I reveal what is real

Do you think that she might

Say that she feels

The same way inside?

Could she be the one?

This was kind of fun

I'll never know if I don't take a chance

I'm looking for answers

She's a pretty good dancer

She is in my heart It's out of my hands

[both] It's like I'm falling through space

Is it all in my head?

I pray for a sign

Is she the key? Yeah, yeah, yeah

Have I been flung from the time stream?

What could be missing?

Would it be cool if it was

Me?

-[Jane] What? -What? Nothing.

Uh, was that too much?

-Were you saying something? -Hmm?

-Oh. -Sorry. Never mind.

[clears throat] I've got to, um...

-Yeah! -Uh...

Hmm.

[chuckles] Laura.

There is so much to do before Immortus comes to dinner.

Well, if she comes.

When she comes, everything needs to be perfect.

Well, it will be, with you in charge.

We'll get it done together because...

[singing] We're the perfect team

Immortimas with you is a dream

Thank Immortus for This blessed sisterhood

What's not to love

We've got peanut brittle Happiness, and hugs

-Who knew life could ever be this good? -Be this good

-You're like meat -You're like cheese

[both] Put 'em together, charcuterie

We are best friends Just two best friends

We never ever fight

But if we did We'd both be right

We are best friends You're one of a kind

For you I'd travel space and time

"Cause that's what it means to be

-Best friends -[sex ghosts] Best friends

Best friends

[bell dings twice]

-Place the forks and knives - I hope Isabel arrives

[both] Now the centerpieces to decorate

Everything is picture perfect

To make every moment worth it

Take this stamp and ink You know what to do

I'll do anything you ask

[sighing]

-[sighing] -[screaming]

[singing] We've got a friendship that will last

You built a beautiful life with Malcolm...

and I destroyed it all.

Oh, God, what have I put her through?

Shit! Shit!

What is this? What the fuck is going on?

Am I speaking in a song?

-Oh, no, something's very wrong -[sex ghosts] Shit!

Let's make a pact Cut our hands and shake with blood

Respectfully, I'm going to decline.

You're like jam

[sex ghosts] Jam, jammy, jam Jam, jam, jam, jam, jam, jam, jam

-You're like brie -[sex ghosts] Spread that brie

[Rita and sex ghosts] Put 'em together

-More charcuterie -[sighs in exasperation]

-Are you okay? -Yeah, I'm fine

Then let's sing the chorus one more time

-We are best friends -Shit, shit, what is this

-We are best friends -What the fuck is going on?

Am I speaking in a song?

Oh, no, something's very wrong

I wish we were best friends

I know this has to come to an end

[both] Please don't forget What it means to be best friends

Friends.

Oh! The guest towels.

Huh? Well, fine. Yes. I'll... I'll clear up then. No problem.

[softly] What the actual fuck!

Somehow Isabel has managed to make this whole world about her,

and in this world, we all fucking sing!

Suffering suffragettes! Let's have a look and see...

Sweaty bollocks!

I'm in Isabel's musical fever dream.

[singing] What the fuck!

[sex ghosts] What the fuck!

-[Dorothy] Okay, that's Cliff. -[Vic] Uh-huh.

-[Dorothy] Jane! -[Vic] Yep.

-Um, Rita. -Nice.

-Me. -[both chuckle]

-You! -Hey!

-And Larry. -And who's that?

Oh, this is Papa.

I wanted him

-to be a part of the celebration. -[Vic clicks tongue] Aw.

Because he's still here, in our hearts.

-Yeah, he is. -Immortimas was his favorite.

Man, did that guy love his ham.

-Mmm-hmm. -[both chuckle]

Oh, how is the robotics club going?

Papa always loved robots.

Yeah. I mean, it's good. It's going great.

Sometimes I feel like I could be doing more.

Making a bigger impact, I don't know.

But what's bigger than helping your community

-and doing what you love? -[chuckles]

Maybe Immortus can help. You can ask her at dinner.

You know, Immortus is a busy lady.

So, I just don't want you to be disappointed

if she doesn't show.

I can feel it, Vic.

She's going to come to dinner, I'm sure of it.

It must be nice to be so certain.

Well, I'm certain I want some hot chocolate.

-Oh, yeah. -Papa always loved hot chocolate. Here.

-[Dorothy squeals gleefully] -[chuckles]

[sex ghosts singing] Mmm, hot chocolate

Papa loved hot chocolate

Too bad he's dead

Immortimas is the best.

I could spend the day with you

-and the family. -Yeah?

We get to see Isabel at dinner.

I'm so happy, I never want it to end.

Me too. Yeah.

[rock song playing]

Come on.

Come on.

Uh... Ooh.

[singing] Looking for something naughty to play

It's little Cliffie's time of the day

Maybe one of these specials Will do the trick

Happy Immortimas, everyone.

Tonight I'm going to share with you one of my favorite stories.

[singing] I want to drive my stick

Come on, let's go, baby

Even to this holiday chick

Rev it up now Rev it up now

Gotta shift gears I'm in overdrive

-Overdrive -Immortus is coming

And so am I!

I want to drive

-My stick! -My stick!

It's just me

And my ding-dong-di--

[Immortus] Let's go Let's go

-[knocking at door] -[Madame Rouge] Cliffie?

-[Cliff shrieks] What? -[lotion squirts]

-[splashes] -[door rattling]

What? I'm... Not now. I'm busy.

Little busy singing about your dick, huh?

Singing? I... Singing? What do you want?

Uh... Have you had any devious thoughts of late,

any underhanded sensations popping up?

What?

No, I'm just...

Mmm-hmm.

-No. -Okay.

[gasps]

I can't believe I fell into the time hole and met my destiny.

Your destiny too.

[gasps]

What the actual piss!

Oh, Laura.

Laura. [sighs in relief] I'm so glad I found you.

What do you think of this sweater? I mean, are the lines flattering?

Yeah. I thought you...

Okay, um, whatever. Um, I need your help.

Well, can it be quick? "Cause I'm meeting my boyfriend.

-Your boyfriend? - I know, right?

Actually, it's kind of an amazing story. We met under the craziest circumstances.

-But somehow it all worked-- -Thank you. Stop you there.

Um, I'm going to have to be the Grinch here. Um...

I need to show you something.

[Larry] What's with all the tissues?

-[gasps] -[Casey chuckles nervously]

-[sighs in relief] Casey! -Uh, sorry.

- I didn't mean to startle you. -[chuckles]

[, um...

I just want to make sure that we're cool.

'Cause there was, like, a weird...

moment earlier.

Right?

Um...

-Uh, what are you painting there? -Um...

I don't know.

This image has been in my head all day,

and it seems so familiar to me. But I can't put my finger on it.

Do you like it?

Yeah, it's amazing.

If I had one note, I would say that...

it could use a little bit more color.

[alarm blaring]

[indistinct conversations]

Okay, so I have, um, called you all here for a team meeting.

[all laughing]

[Jane laughing] Oh, my God!

Larry, what is this?

I thought we agreed there'd be no theme this year.

[all laughing]

If I had known we were dressing up as mummies,

I would have gotten out my old Sphinx costume.

[all laughing]

-Let Rouge explain. -[Madame Rouge] Yeah.

Okay, so I have called you all here for a team meeting.

-Unfortunately-- -Sorry, you keep saying team meeting.

What team?

-Mmm. -Mmm.

-[sighs] -[Madame Rouge] Oh, we really are

back at square one, aren't we?

Um, okay, this may be hard to believe,

but we are, in fact, a superhero team known as the Doom Patrol.

-[all laughing] -[Vic] What?

-Doom! -Doom! Watch out!

I'm going to "doom" you!

-[chuckles] -[all laughing]

That's it. Yeah. Okay, settle down.

So we are currently in a fake, never ending holiday

called Immortimas.

[scoffs] Laura, you dog!

Is this one of your classic Immortimas Day pranks?

She does this every year.

[chuckles] And now, she's got Larry in on it as well.

Classic Immortimas mummy prank!

-[Larry] No, it's not a prank. -[laughing stops]

She's being serious.

You aren't who you think you are.

Well, this is all very intriguing and very funny!

[laughs theatrically]

[others chuckle awkwardly]

But if you'll excuse me,

I need to help Dorothy attend to the ham.

-Ooh, you do that. -Yes, that's a very--

It's a very good idea. Wonderful idea, Rita.

Casey, would you please join Rita in the kitchen?

It's the best way to help the team right now.

Anything for the betterment of the team.

[Madame Rouge] Jolly good.

A, we're not a team. B, how come they get to go?

Okay, listen, you fuck knuckles!

We have a situation on our hands.

Happy Immortimas, everyone!

Today, I'm gonna show...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. This is not what you think.

-I can explain. -No, no, no, Cliff.

It's not about the...

Oh, then never mind.

Okay. I'm no stickler for tradition.

But, WTF, Laura!

We always watch this one after dinner.

The point is, this is all bullshit!

It's a mirage! A cheap trick to keep us docile,

so we don't ask too many questions.

Now, with the help of Larry,

I was able to find out what was really on these tapes.

[Larry on video] You keep asking me what I'm looking forward to

now that my radiation is contained,

but look at me.

I'm no longer of this world. I'm not human.

Even when I was human, I wasn't truly living.

[Cliff on video] / can't feel. I can't fuck,

I can't even take a piss, Doc.

All of life's pleasures have been stripped away.

-...Stripped away. -[bell dings]

I didn't mean to.

I wasn't shoplifting.

I just wanted to try some things on. That's all.

-Everything I have is old. -[bell dings]

-What the shit! -[clicks television off]

-This is all fucking fake? -Yes.

Well, why are you telling us this now?

Why didn't you wait until after Immortimas Day?

Because, Cliff, there is no after Immortimas.

There is only Immortimas Day forever!

Unless we can find a way out.

Hold on a minute.

[scoffs] How is all this fake?

This life, this holiday? All right, Laura,

we celebrate this every single year.

You know this.

No, Vic. We don't. It's all made up.

Just like you and Deric running a robotics club is all made up.

You are Cyborg. Formerly Cyborg.

You are a met a human superhero.

Cyborg?

Yeah.

[Madame Rouge echoing] You are Cyborg.

-You are a met a human superhero. -[bell dings]

[Vic] Holy shit!

Rouge is right.

We gotta come up with a plan

to get out of this Hallmark Channel hell.

-Bingo! -[Cliff] What?

Wait. Why do we want to get out?

Larry, you wanna be a human, don't you?

You can take off all of this and you can let the wind

blow on your face and you can taste the ham.

Trust me. I would love to stay in denial

as much as the next guy. I've got a boyfriend here.

It's an illusion, bro!

Larry saying he has a boyfriend in this world

is like you saying your cam girl really cared about you.

Ginger was there for me.

None of that matters!

We're not safe unless I'm wearing these bandages.

Oh, wait, I just remembered

you're a depressing fuck in the real world. [chuckles]

That's true.

[Vic] Cliff! How can you be so selfish?

[Cliff] Selfish? Look who's talking.

I'm not the one who gave up my superpowers

so I could dick around with my high school friends.

-Fuck you! -Okay. I feel like--

-Hey. -Sorry.

I feel like we're losing focus here.

Bottom line, I'm down to get out of here

if it means I don't have to fucking sing.

Shit on a clit!

- I thought you were with me. -[Jane] Dude!

Okay, look, I'm gonna go tell Dorothy the truth about this place,

and one of you need to tell Rita.

Okay.

Are we ready to ruin Rita's happiness?

-[Larry singing] Uh... -[singing] Uh...

[singing in harmony] Uh...

[all singing in harmony] Uh...

Fuck

Me.

[Vic] I know.

It was a shock to me, too.

[sighs]

[Dorothy] Maybe you're looking at this the wrong way.

Maybe we're all here because it's what we all want.

For the first time we're all together.

I mean, when have we ever celebrated a family holiday?

Are you saying that you wanna stay here?

What's so bad about that?

There is no way that this is what we all want.

And even if it is, we're not our authentic selves.

What does that even mean?

How could you want to leave when we have it all here?

-[sighs in exasperation] -Dorothy.

[sighs]

[singing] Do I have it all here?

Is this all a blessing?

If the answer's near

Why am I second guessing?

I don't know if I go

But I'll keep standing still In a world that's not real

Who will I find If I leave this family behind

There's no turning back Gotta make up my mind

I need to face the future

I must chart a path

Taking a step forward

Am I going back?

Who am I if I don't try?

Who do I want to be?

Do I need to say goodbye

To discover the real--

Vic!

Yeah?

Are you, um... singing?

Yeah.

Right.

Okay. Well, when you're done with...

It's lovely, but when you're done with all of that,

do you want to meet me at the bone tree

so we can discuss the, you know,

some sort of musical exit strategy?

Sounds good.

Okay, just... go back to...

Okay.

[singing] When I'm with the Doom Patrol Every day's Immortimas

Life's out of control But I want more than this

Am I still unfulfilled?

I'm caught in a spell

My own musical hell!

-[splattering] -[Cliff groaning]

Oh, dude! [groans]

What the hell are you doing, man?

What's it look like?

I just wanna feel the wind on my dick while I still can.

[groans] Gotta be interrupted by someone

singing a fucking power ballad?

-[spurts] -Whoa.

[groans]

Oh, wait. Not done. [groans]

[singing] Can I have it all here?

Be content with all I've got

Maybe here, maybe not

I need to face the future

I must chart a path Taking a step forward

Am I going back?

Can I be the hero?

Different from before

Without him am I a zero?

How can I be sure--

[Larry] Vic?

You all right?

[sighs]

I don't know.

Okay.

You're taking this remarkably well. [chuckles nervously]

-[Casey laughs] -[Jane clears throat]

Yeah, I guess I'm just used to being ripped out of realities.

[chuckles nervously]

So, about our duet...

Yeah?

- I think you're great. -Me too.

-For you, I mean. -Sure. [chuckles]

Oh, uh, what I mean is...

Well, now that I have my memories back,

it's not just me in this body anymore.

I'm just a bit all over the place right now.

Totally. Totally! Yeah, I get it. We're good.

-Really? -Uh-huh. [chuckles]

Okay.

What's this?

Some sort of holiday role play? Kinky. I'm in.

-So shall I unwrap you or-- -Please don't.

We need to talk.

Oh, no. Are you breaking up with me?

-In a mummy costume? Why? -[hesitates]

Do you not want me to meet your family?

No. No, I want you to meet them.

This is who I really am.

And you, you're Mr. 104, the Combustible Man,

who can change into any element on the periodic table.

-Remember? -[bell dings]

Oh, right. I remember.

I was wondering why my name was 104.

And, so what? How does this change anything?

I'd still love to meet your family.

Seriously?

No. No. We need to find a way to escape Isabel's psychotic witchery.

But we're safe here.

I'm not about to blow up,

and I'm assuming you're not some radioactive purple man under there?

Stop! It's too dangerous.

That's exactly it, Larry.

We're not in danger here.

Hey...

we said we would find another way.

Maybe another way found us.

-Don't you want to be together? -[sighs] I do.

I do. Just... not like this.

Not in a fake world.

Fake for whom? It's perfect here.

[swing jazz song playing]

[Larry groans]

[singing] I thought my days were numbered

With my fragile constitution

You brought me back to life

Looks like you were my solution

So what if the world's a stage

Let's be the stars and break through

[Larry] It's not enough for me

Is Immortimas enough for you?

Our bond is stronger than anything Covalent or ionic

[Larry] But if I turn radioactive It could be catastrophic

This world's a work of fiction

I've lied in relationships before

This ain't real life

There are dangers here we can't ignore

[Rama] Out there's where danger lies

Remember we're unstable

Dream with me a bit longer

Cue the periodic table

[both singing] We used to be experiments

The past is now irrelevant

Cause we've got all the elements of love

So Immortus is benevolent

But we've got just the temperament

Our chemistry is evident

It's the elements of love

You led me to a brighter day

[Larry] We're good as gold if we just stay

[both] Zinc of all the things we'd do

In my chemical romance with you

We used to be experiments

The past is now irrelevant

'Cause we've got All the elements of love

So Immortus is benevolent

But we've got just the temperament

Our chemistry is evident

It's the elements of love

[tap dances]

[whooshing]

[Larry gasps] Okay, we'll stay.

All I wanted was to be beloved, Niles.

-[squelching] -[sniffles]

And now look at me... I'm a monster.

-[sniffs, sobs] -[sighs]

-[Rita sobs on TV] -[knocking at door]

-[turns TV off] -[clears throat]

[exhales]

Why did you... [sighs] let me leave

when you were telling everyone else about all this, hmm?

[sighs] You looked so happy.

I didn't wanna... ruin your perfect day...

again.

Thank you.

If we're being totally honest with one another,

I don't...

care that this is all fake. [scoffs]

You don't care that we live in a world

where at any given moment,

everyone might burst out into song

about the Midwest or... worse,

-a clam bake? -[scoffs softly]

I don't want to be a monster anymore.

Rita. [inhales deeply]

You were never a monster to me.

That's because in this friendship,

you're the monster.

[sighs]

Fuck it.

[Clara] Hello?

Hey, kiddo!

Clara!

-Happy Immortimas! -Happy Immortimas Day, Dad.

[Rory babbling]

-[Clara] And Rory says, "Hi," too. -Aw.

So, um... is everything good over there?

Everything's amazing.

You know, we wish we could be with you.

No. No, no, no. You sound amazing.

-[Clara chuckles] -[Rory babbles]

Okay, give Rory a big kiss for me.

-Love you, sweetie. -Love you, Dad. Praise Immortus.

-Praise Immortus. -[Rory babbling]

[voice] You fleshy fuck!

[upbeat rock song playing]

[singing] / get it Immortimas sucks

Isabel is evil And a bit of a schmuck

But can I play devil's advocate?

You're missing one component

Go ahead, buddy. This is your moment.

[singing] What's the big deal? In here I'm real

I can smell and touch and taste

You'd let this body go to waste

[Robotman Cliff] I thought we changed But you're deranged

Let's get one thing straight

You want to stay to masturbate

[all] Maybe it's a pipe dream

Maybe it's Xanadu

Can't you see my family doesn't need

My robot body

And me

I will never be the perfect dad

Is wanting to protect them From you so bad?

[Oven Mitt Rory] What about me Pop-Pop?

Your favorite friend?

-I'll stay a baby forever -[all] If this doesn't end

Maybe it's a pipe dream

Maybe it's Xanadu

Isn't it nice to see what life could be

Without my robot body

And me

[doorbell rings]

[Madame Rouge gasps] Shit!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Okay, what's the plan?

I can't believe she's actually here. Well, of course she's fucking here.

-[Dorothy] I told you she'd come. -There's no time.

Okay. What are we gonna do?

-[Jane] Drown her. -[Rita] I think we should let her in.

Turn her into boron.

Turn the lights out and pretend we're not home.

Who wants deviled eggs?

-Hit her over the head with some ham. -Poison her.

No, with ham, yes. Poison her with ham.

-Give her so much ham, she explodes. -Okay, no more bullshit!

Isabel is here.

Where do you stand? Stay or go.

-[group 1] Stay! -[group 2] Go!

Okay. And I'm a go.

All right. Well, that was slightly less unified than I'd expected.

[doorbell rings]

Wait! [exhales]

We all know we're in some sort of fabricated existence here,

whether we want to stay or leave.

Whatever our differences,

there is an almighty god at our front door.

A spiteful god who didn't think twice

of turning her most ardent worshippers into dust.

So, let's just take a breath.

[inhales deeply]

She said to...

All we need to do is get through dinner.

So, just shut your pie holes and put on a happy face. Hmm?

Mmm?

[in sing-song voice] Hello! I'm here!

[in normal voice] Where's my ham? [chuckles]

-Oh. I didn't know there was a theme. -[snaps fingers]

My goodness, this all looks divine!

Sit.

[Immortus] Now, let's see.

Shall we start the festivities with a little Immortimas spirit?

How about we go around the table

and share what we're all grateful for? Hmm?

I'll go first.

I'm grateful for... me.

[chuckles] Ooh, this is fun.

[chuckling] Who's next?

-Mister Mummy Man? -Uh...

[Larry] Well, um, I guess I'm grateful to be here with my family,

and to introduce them all to my boyfriend.

How sweet. And?

And... and for the--

The pleasure of worshipping you, Isabel.

-[in demonic voice] Immortus! -[thunder rumbles]

-[lightning crashes] -[Larry] Yeah.

-Okay. -[thunder stops]

Can someone pass the ham?

[Immortus] Who's next?

-[plate clinks on table] -[inhales deeply]

Okay, I'll go next. [clears throat]

[sighs in satisfaction]

Uh, Immortus,

I am grateful that you were there for me in my time of need.

I needed to do a giant pish,

and you provided a wipe

-for me to freshen up my fufu. -[clears throat]

And for that, I thank you.

Except that this is Immortimas Day,

and you couldn't possibly know that, Rouge,

because there only is Immortimas Day.

Except, Willy Wanksalot, this world isn't real.

Now you should know it was super easy to figure that out

because you didn't even try to hide

that this is an alternate reality,

or maybe you just suck at this.

-[Immortus grunts] -[gasps]

[choking]

Don't you all agree Rouge is the ultimate party pooper?

[gasps]

[in demonic voice] Don't you agree?

-Yes. -[all agreeing]

-[Jane] Mmm-hmm -[Casey] Yes, yeah.

Smelled that shit from over here.

-[Larry] Yeah. -[Vic] Party pooper.

[in normal voice] Now, my question was,

what are you grateful for?

[strangled breathing]

Sing out, Louise!

[Madame Rouge choking]

I have something to say!

Uh, because, Immortus,

I have so much to thank you for. [chuckles nervously]

Lovely. [clears throat] Proceed.

We are all grateful for you,

because without you, we would not be

-the incredible people at this table. -[chokes]

I have to admit you've been a role model to me.

You've taught me what it means to be a...

-[sighs] an icon and a hero. -[gasps]

Thank you, Rita. [sighs]

-Who's next-- -[Rita] I'm not done.

Your need for constant attention and adulation is inspiring.

Your hunger for perfection...

[chuckling] although a hopeless endeavor,

is almost as impressive as your lack of self-awareness.

And finally, and this is what I do admire most,

your ability to be an even bigger narcissist than I could ever be.

You think you're all-powerful? You think you're all-knowing?

Well, I know you because I was you.

And I don't want to be you anymore.

It is a sad, lonely, pathetic existence.

[Larry groans]

[exhales] I see. And do you all agree?

Absolutely not!

Praise Immortus!

[chuckles nervously] We all love you.

And Immortimas Day!

That's not what Rita means.

She's just tired.

That's just... It's the ham fumes.

-You know how it is. -Yeah. Yeah.

Actually, I agree with Rita.

-What the fuck? -[Vic] Dude, let her speak.

I'm not sure this is what I want anymore.

Immortimas is just another prison.

It's another lie.

And I'm done lying to myself.

I'm 100 years old, for God's sake, and I'm still hiding.

I have never lived out in the real world.

I can't lock myself away anymore.

I need to go.

Then I'll go with you.

What?

So, that's three votes to leave Immortimas.

No. No, no, no, no. That's...

That's not what she means.

[chuckling nervously] Dorothy loves Immortimas Day.

And... I'm sorry, who is this?

-[sighs] -[chokes]

I'm just saying that... I thought I found a new adventure here.

A new experience.

Clearly I was wrong.

If I'm going to be a hero in the real world,

I need to see the real world.

No, come on.

Can't a... a human man catch a break? [chuckles nervously] I mean...

-[kisses] -[Cliff] I mean, she's not even with us.

What is your name?

I really wanted to stay here.

It's about as perfect as perfect can be.

Finally, someone saying the things that we all are thinking.

-But if I'm being honest with myself... -Fuck me.

...it's another story being written for me.

-You were right all along. -[Larry groans softly]

I don't want to live in a fake world either.

How can I know what I truly want when people keep rewriting my back story?

How can I trust my feelings when I don't even know who I am?

I need to write my own story for once.

[Larry] You wanna leave?

But you said...

[sighs] I don't want you to leave.

He's not with us either.

-[sighs in exasperation] -That's four votes.

And I'm five.

So basically what we're trying to say is

fuck you and fuck Immortimas.

-[slams table] -[inhales raggedly]

[coughs, gasps, breathes raggedly]

[sighs in exasperation, whimpers]

[whining sobs]

[sniffs, snarls]

[clears throat primly]

[grunts]

[breathing heavily, groans loudly]

[whining]

[in demonic voice] Ahhh! No!

[sinister rock song playing]

Move!

[singing] / fix all your problems And what do you do?

You find a way to break out

-And make it all about you -[all] You

Was it really so hard

-To give me all your love and devotion -[all] Devotion

I should have chosen the timeline

That featured Lotion

-You're all doomed! -[all] Doomed!

Sorry not sorry To break the bad news

Doomed! Doomed! Doomed!

Doomed! Doomed!

Aw, you think you've won? Yeah, you think I'm done?

Think again The age of Immortus

Has just begun

What are you gonna do, kill us?

[laughing in normal voice] I don't have to.

-[singing] 'Cause you're all doomed -[all] Doomed

Sorry not sorry To break the bad news

-Doomed! Doomed! -[all] Doomed! Doomed!

You're about to blow, my dude

You're all doomed

-[snaps fingers] -[thunder rumbles]

[exhales]

Son of a bitch.