Original subtitles

[Laura] Previously on Doom Patrol...

[Mama Pentecost] Keeg, he needs to merge with you.

[Larry] That's not going to happen.

[Mama Pentecost] Then he will die.

Procedure was painless.

Underneath, I'm still mechanical.

The changes are only skin-deep.

Only cost you your powers.

Where's Kay? Is she all right?

[Dr. Harrison] We'll get to that soon enough.

But first, we had a deal, Jane,

and it's time for you to make good.

We're about to exact revenge on the little shit

that stole your body and tried to kill us.

[Rita] Cliff.

What did they do to you?

[Rita] Evil is the scourge that calls herself Madame Rouge.

Go ahead. Kill me again.

Evil is what we're gonna to her fishy little face when we find her ass.

[Madame Rouge] You must be Rita.

[Rita] You don't remember me, do you?

Don't look at your notes!

Look at my face.

I want you to remember.

You are lucky to be here.

You have yet to earn the trust it takes to steer us through space and time.

Now, then, shall we?

[Cliff] Doom Force!

[all] No!

[rumbling]

[theme music playing]

[wind howling]

[mysterious music playing]

[metal detector pulsing]

[beeping]

[rustling]

-[breathing heavily] -[music increases in tempo]

[metal detector beeping]

[rumbling]

[grunts]

[suspenseful music playing]

[Dr. Harrison] This is recording 297.

Observations of the Doom Patrol by Dr. Harrison, day 93.

The Codpiece mission.

I continue to be astounded by the garden of psychological plights

presented by this group.

It's been three months

and my decision to stay continues to pay dividends.

This bargain basement sideshow has been working as a superhero team,

aptly named the Doom Patrol.

[rock music playing]

I got pictures of naked ladies

Lying on their beds

[Dr. Harrison] Rita has carved out a starring role

for herself as team leader,

because no one wanted the job.

Ready? Positions.

And action!

I start to how! I'm in heat

I moan and growl And the hunt drives me crazy

I fuck like a beast

[explosion]

I come round, round I come feel your love

[Dr. Harrison] But this failed starlet, failed high school drama teacher

and failed community theater extra seems to have found her niche.

By default.

Believe it or not, she's led this busted Justice League

lo seven successful missions.

Dear Rita tackles the job with endless enthusiasm

despite the lack of cooperation

-or respect of her teammates. -[Larry yawns]

[sighs]

Any questions?

[Cliff] Yeah, not going after Codpiece,

and not doing codenames.

A question begins with who, what, where, when, or why, Clifford.

Why do you get to pick the codenames?

Because they suck.

When you spend days researching and plotting missions

while getting paper cuts and inky fingers,

you can choose the codenames, okay?

Until then, you're Robotman.

Dr. Harrison is Crazy Jane.

Larry is Negative Man.

Vic is Cyborg and, Rouge.

You're Dogshit McGivens.

[Dr. Harrison] Rita's ire for Madam Rouge

is as hot and fiery as ever.

And Rouge eats healthy doses of her shit

because she desperately wants to make amends

for Malcolm and the Sisterhood.

Even though it runs counter to her true nature.

Yeah. Good choice. Mm-hmm, Elasti-Woman.

Thank you.

[Dr. Harrison] In between hating Rouge and being disrespected,

Rita had the good idea

lo attach The Brain's robot head lo the time machine.

Now, we no longer have to hurtle through space-time duct taped to Shipley.

She also solved the time travel memory loss problem.

[winces]

[Dr. Harrison] Strangely enough, with jellyfish.

[Rita sighs]

[Dr. Harrison] I couldn't tell you why it works.

But it does.

Oh, no, thanks.

[Vic] Codpiece just robbed the bank.

Can we speed this up, please?

-[rock music playing] -[all grunting]

[Codpiece laughs smugly]

Not everyone can handle a full-load from this big gun.

-[Rita] So juvenile. -[Dr. Harrison] Overcompensating much?

-[Cliff] Gross. -Everyone, back to one.

-[Madame Rouge] I've seen bigger. -[Larry] That's disgusting.

[grunts] Robotman, flank him on the left.

I got pictures of Naked ladies lying on their beds

Robotman.

Robotman!

I whiff that smell And sweet convulsion

Clifasaurous.

[Cliff] Left flank. Got it.

[yelling]

-[shots firing] -[Larry grunts] Whoa!

I moan and growl And the hunt drives me crazy

I fuck like a beast

[Cliff] Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

[grunting]

I come to steal your love

Dogshit McGivens, draw his fire while the others get to safety.

Draw his fire? Seriously?

Just do it!

Fuckin' hell.

[screaming]

[shots firing]

[Rita] Not behind the bush.

His ammo will cut right through.

Just like my molten-man batter.

[sighs]

Could you try not to be disgusting for two seconds?

A pelvic thrust and the sweat Starts to sting ya

I fuck like a beast

[Dr. Harrison] Rita tries to control the team's every move

because she can't bear lo lose another loved one.

Diagnosis?

A textbook perfectionist/narcissist with survivor's guilt and PTSD.

Vic and his father repaired most of the Robotman's smooshed body.

However, the testicle creature incident led to global shipping delays

and they're still waiting on parts for his other arm.

[Cliff] Okay. I'm gonna go rip his dick off.

God damn, son of a...

No. No! No. Still grateful for my crappy petite body.

Everyday outside that giant robot is a blessing.

[Dr. Harrison] I suspect Cliff has a low IQ

due to poor breeding, a Florida public school education,

and race car fumes.

Diagnosis,

a grade A simpleton.

[shots firing]

[Dr. Harrison] The hero formally known as Useful

has settled into place as the team's one man IT squad.

Without his tech, Rita prefers he stay out of harm's way.

[stealthy music playing]

[Dr. Harrison] But Vic is unsatisfied by his new role and yearns to do more.

[door opens]

[whispers] Elasti-Woman, you got a bogey fl yin' in.

Elasti-Woman.

Hey! Yo, that's far enough.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Don't do anything.

I'm not really part of Codpiece's crew.

I'm... I'm just the IT guy.

What do you mean, "Just the IT guy"?

You're an integral part of his villainy.

You're the foundation he builds his nefarious successes on.

Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, I am vital.

I guess I am important, huh? [chuckles]

-[grunting] -Are you good?

[shushes]

Yeah. Yeah, just, just hang on.

I can't do it if people are talking.

Shit.

[man grunts] Oh!

Shit. [winces]

[Rita] What was your part of the plan?

Was it to engage with an ass-bazooka wielding twit?

-But he was literal-- -[Rita] I don't want to hear it.

You stick to the plan or you stay home.

[Dr. Harrison] Plain old Vic takes the red-headed miss' admonishments

as a lack of faith in his abilities.

He doesn't realize she too was working through her own issues.

Together they form the perfect storm of psychological inadequacies.

Though Vic fearlessly jumped into the fray

against a nimrod with a rump cannon,

he's far less courageous when it comes to following through

on the promise he made himself to find his happiness.

[Dr. Harrison] Diagnosis,

personality dysmorphia and social cowardice.

Larry and Keeg have been getting on like a house on fire.

It may be the first reported case

of a host developing Stockholm syndrome towards its parasite.

[whooshes]

[Codpiece grunts]

[Larry] Oh, God.

[Dr. Harrison] Larry's managed to let go of himself enough

to share his life and body with Keeg

in a way he never could

with the Negative Spirit or his human family.

And though Larry tells himself

the new life he's forged with the neon leech is fulfilling enough,

the truth is, he yearns for more.

[Larry] I'm fine, buddy. Just you and me.

[Dr. Harrison] Diagnosis,

good old-fashioned self-loathing with a healthy dash of co-dependency.

Madame Rouge refuses the jellyfish on every mission.

Because it gives her the briefest respite

from remembering her betrayal of Malcolm and the Sisterhood.

Oh. Excuse me!

What am I meant to be doing again?

What? You don't remember?

Transform into something to psych him out.

Right.

[exhales sharply]

[Cliff] Holy shit! Nice one, Rouge.

[grunting]

Are you body shaming me?

That's some next level evil.

I won't even go there.

I'll kill your face! So hard!

[Dr. Harrison] But Rouge's memories always return with a vengeance.

[exhales]

And she's created a nasty ritual that's a form of psychological self-harm.

[Dr. Harrison] The results are always the same

and she's forced to face the fact that she's relegated

hundreds of people to obsolescence.

Though all-encompassing, her pain is a quiet one.

The kind that's always there,

just under the surface, smoldering,

looking for something to catch, but never finding anything.

Diagnosis,

self-loathing doormat with sociopathic tendencies.

As for me, I've managed to find my own place

amongst this bunch of walking tragedies.

One that makes use of my specific talents.

Come now, Mr. Codpiece,

who are you really mad at?

-Because it can't possibly be me. -[sirens wattling]

You don't even know me.

[dramatic music playing]

I know I only get one phone call, Dr. H,

but I think you're right.

It should be to my mom.

[Dr. Harrison] This doomed patrol

is the El Dorado of psychological dysfunctions.

I could publish volumes based on my observations.

-[thuds] -[Cliff grunts]

Thank you.

[Dr. Harrison] Unfortunately, my attention has been divided.

Between my work and my obligations.

-That's too much. -[gasps]

Abuelita only uses two shakes.

Really?

Why are you here, H?

To ask you the same question.

The others are all searching for Kay.

Why aren't you?

Because I can think of better ways of wasting my time,

like trying to eat my own face.

So you're not concerned about the girl?

Of course I'm fucking concerned.

But Kay constructed this place.

And if she doesn't want to be found, we're not going to find her.

So you're here in her memories, enjoying warm beverages?

I'm doing something actually useful.

I'm trying to figure out what the girl needs.

-Wanna know what I think? -Mm!

Yeah, more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire miserable life.

I think you're on vacation here.

Hiding in the girl's memories to avoid your responsibilities.

How relieved you must feel of not having the weight of it all on your shoulders.

Or maybe this is just sour grapes.

After all, the girl did disappear,

-under your watch. -Mm.

Remind me where you went to medical school again?

Was it the University of I-Watched- A-Shit-Ton-Of-Sally-Jesse-Raphael?

Enjoy your stay, Jane.

[door closes]

[machine whirring]

-Looks good. -Yep.

So then, boom!

With the press of a cell phone button,

she teleported the entire bus of Edgelords into the Phantom Zone,

which they didn't seem to hate.

But we, uh, we busted them out anyway.

[laughs] Cell Phone Silvia, huh?

-Yup! -And what was your part in this caper?

Me? Uh, yeah, I, um...

I downloaded her phone's user menu from the Internet.

That thing is over ten years old.

Man! That was hard to find.

Sounds like you're keeping busy.

Yeah.

But, um...

Are you leaving any time to find your bliss?

[melancholy music playing]

I didn't ditch my tech to spite you.

When are you gonna understand that this choice was about me?

It wasn't an accusation, Son.

I'm sorry.

The truth is,

this isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

Scary tr yin' to find yourself, isn't it?

I think I'd rather take on the Edgelords.

[laughs]

Now, just give yourself time.

You'll get there.

Looks like we're done here.

Thanks for your help on this, Dad.

He's gonna be psyched.

Of course.

It was fun.

Yeah, it was.

Let's gather the troops.

[alarm blaring]

[Cliff] All right, all right, all right.

Whose face are we stomping justice into today?

Is that my fucking arm?

As a matter of fact, it is.

[Cliff] Fuck. Fucking sweetness!

Why is everyone else here?

Well, we couldn't make your arm exactly like it was so, um...

We decided to make it better.

[Cliff] Looks like the same old shitty robot arm

with the same old shitty robot fingers that I can't type for shit with,

or write, or bowl.

We...

We gave you the sense of touch...

in one finger.

But over time,

if things work the way they're supposed to,

the nanites will spread to your other fingers.

[Cliff chuckles]

I'll be able to feel with my whole hand?

That's the plan, Robotman.

[chuckling] Oh, wow!

I don't know what to say.

[chuckles] Thank you!

Uh, from the bottom of my non-existent heart.

[Vic] All right.

-[Silas] Okay. -[Vic] All right.

-No problem, brother. -[Silas] Okay, brother.

-[Vic] Yeah. Okay... -[chuckles]

[Silas clears throat]

[Cliff laughs]

And this how you say “fuck you" in England.

Now we can calibrate your sense of touch.

Let's start with the cotton.

[curt] Would it be okay if | didn't?

It would be better if you did.

You, you mind telling us why you don't want to?

[Cliff groans]

I haven't felt anything for 40 years.

I think the first thing I'd like to touch is my grandson.

Cliff,

not to be a spoilsport, but technically,

you are touching that oven mitt.

[Cliff] Doesn't count. Doesn't count.

But, goddamn, it's soft.

Come on, fuck nuts!

To the time machine!

We're going to fucking Florida!

Um, Clifford, I know that you are excited,

but the time machine is not an Uber.

It is a crime-fighting apparatus.

[Madame Rouge] Oh, come on, Rita.

What is the harm in a wee jaunt to America's sweaty armpit?

This is a joyous occasion.

Why don't you make a little exception?

-[Larry] Aw, what, what's the harm? -Yeah, come on, Rita.

-Don't be so controlling. -[Cliff] Be cool for once.

All right, all right, all right. [clicks tongue]

Just this once.

[Cliff] Fuck yeah, let's roll!

I think I'll sit this one out.

I am allergic to jellyfish and experimental fringe science.

-Take care, Son. -All right, Dad. I'll talk to you.

Um, Rita, a, a private word?

What is it?

Well, I, um, thought over time if I consumed enough of your shit,

I'd earn your forgiveness, but I'm realizing that's

probably never gonna happen. And since my presence here,

is a constant trigger for you, I was thinking, perhaps maybe, once I...

Well, perhaps maybe, once we all return from Florida,

it might be best that I find somewhere else to live.

Unless of course, you can find it in your heart to...

[sighs]

...forgive me.

[clicks tongue] I hear there are a lot of nice efficiencies in Cloverton,

if you don't mind getting scabies.

I don't, actually.

And perhaps maybe you could give me--

Give me the address.

[Cliff] This is the best day of my entire freaking life!

Can we leave already?

Why have we not left yet?

No, thank you.

No, you listen here, Madame Rouge.

You will put this jellyfish on top of your peanut head

because I want you to remember every word of your promise

to leave my home.

-[sizzles] -Oh, fucking--

Okay, Florida five minutes from now. Everybody ready?

[machine whirring]

[rumbling]

[hisses]

[Cliff] Shipley, play some travel tunes.

[singing] Hands

Touching hands

Reaching out

Touching me

Touching you

Sweet Caroline

Pa, pa, pa

Good times never seemed so good

So good, so good, so good

Are you an animal, vegetable, or mineral?

[Cliff] Yes.

[Larry] Are you Animal Vegetable Mineral Man?

[Cliff] Damn it! I thought that'd be harder.

[Larry] What else could possibly fit that description?

[engine whirring]

[faint screaming]

You guys seein' this?

[screaming continues]

[Dr. Harrison] Oh, it's probably another time goat.

Let's not get paranoid.

It's a woman.

-[screaming] -[thuds]

[alarm buzzing]

-[Cliff] Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. -Help me. Help me please.

[Cliff] Is this bad? 'Cause this feels pretty fucking bad.

- I don't think it's good. - I know her.

She likes to watch people pee. No judgement.

That's Isabel Feathers.

[Cliff] Who?

The talentless wannabe who portrayed me

in the Cloverton Theatre's Our Town.

[whispers] Fucking hell.

-[Vic] Should we let her in? -No.

Let me in. Let me in. [screams]

[Larry] What's she doing in the time stream?

Ah, that might be my bad.

When I arrived in Cloverton,

she watched me taking a massive wazz, then fell right into my time hole.

I didn't think it was worth mentioning.

[Cliff] Please! Angry Jesus!

Don't let me die before I touch my grandbaby!

[automated voice] Arrival imminent. Arrival imminent.

When are we headed, Victor? What year?

No idea.

Everybody brace for impact.

This is gonna be a rough landing.

[rumbling]

[Cliff screaming]

[rumbling]

[machine powers down]

[mysterious music playing]

[Rita] Is everyone okay?

[Cliff] I think so.

Where on Earth are we?

When are we?

[Cliff] Doesn't matter and don't care.

Let's just hop back into Shipley

and get back on track to the FLA.

Shipley's overheated.

It's gonna be a while before we can shove off again.

I think I know where we are.

Um, I think we went a little further than five minutes into the future.

[dramatic music playing]

[Larry] Huh, what do you suppose the shotgun is for?

[growling]

For whatever the fuck that is.

-Executive decision. -[Cliff] Yep.

And go where exactly?

[Larry sighs] There's no place like home.

[suspenseful music playing]

Wow.

This reminds me of my mother's house.

She was a hoarder,

and a war profiteer.

The air's really stale.

Maybe no one's living here anymore.

Well, we'd better have a look through just in case.

Everyone, I have found something.

What is it?

-[Rita] Hmm... -[Larry] Vienna sausages in Skittles.

Ew! On both fronts.

[Cliff] I haven't seen shit like this since the '70s.

And we were all high as fuck back then.

No, wait.

[Madame Rouge] Cliff,

-you fucking asshole! -[Cliff] Jesus Christ.

[Dr. Harrison] The fuck?

-[Vic] Why did you do that? -[Larry] God.

-Oops. -[Rita] Idiot!

[Larry] You had to touch the weiner?

Quiet. We're not alone.

[suspenseful music playing]

Welcome to 2042.

[Cliff] Holy shit bears!

Who is it?

[Cliff] It's you.

A rusty, busted version of you.

The hell? Yo, let me through. Yo, let me through.

[Cliff] If this mitt falls off and I touch...

Someone is kicking me. Stop kicking me.

[Cliff] That isn't my grandson's perfect skin.

I will murder every single one of you.

-[whispers] This is weird. -[Rita shushes]

What's that on your face?

Is that tech?

Who wants tea?

It all started about 20 years ago,

Cloverton was the epicenter.

Spread slow at first

and after a few weeks, it was everywhere.

[Cliff] Hey, Omega man, you wanna skip the dramatics

and just tell us what the lemon drizzled fuck happened?

Papers called it The Buttpocalypse.

[both snicker]

I think he's serious.

No, that's impossible.

We killed those assholes.

Apparently, we missed one.

And infected it with zombiism.

You mean to tell us the world has been overtaken

by Zombie Butts?

[Larry] That we created?

I mean, the zombie part anyway.

It's about the size of it, yeah.

Where are the rest of us?

You tend to stick to your rooms for the most part.

Go say hi if you want.

Rouge.

You won't find anyone in your room.

Oh.

Did I change rooms?

Did I just pop out for my laundry?

Well, that can only mean one thing. I am at a LARPing retreat.

I am dead then, aren't I?

Actually, I don't know what happened to you.

You moved out right before shit kicked off.

We lost track of you soon after.

Well, then I could still be out there,

thriving under the new world order. I...

Look, I go into Cloverton nearly every day

and I'm yet to see another survivor.

I'm sorry.

Vic, take a walk with me.

Something I gotta show you.

[dramatic music playing]

[all] What the fuck?

[Larry] Larry? Keeg?

What the hell is goin' on here?

Hello!

Rita?

I know what this is. It's a death loop.

Rita Vivian Farr,

I know what you're doing, and I want you to stop this instant.

You're not fooling anyone, you know.

This is the exact same blocking we did in the picture.

The Return of Ghost Gal, Ghost Gal's Gal Pal.

Pish.

I was hoping you would have forgotten.

Well, what do you want?

-For starters-- -They're dead.

Everyone's dead.

I see.

[inhales] Let me guess.

I had a carefully well laid out plan and nobody followed it.

Not exactly.

It was Rouge.

Rouge betrayed us like she did the Sisterhood of Dada.

No.

It turns out we were about as good at being a team leader

as we were at being a high school drama teacher.

How can that be?

I... We have an undefeated record.

It's complicated.

[clears throat] There's a lot to unpack.

Tell me everything.

[Dr. Harrison] Well, are you going to talk

or just continue staring out the window like a catatonic tuna fish?

Are you really in such denial that you can't deduce what happened?

[Dr. Harrison] Perhaps you're too much of a coward

to own up to your actions.

Cut the shit, H.

Your pathological arrogance got the girl killed.

No. In my time, the girl is still alive.

I haven't done anything yet.

It was you.

Was that a different clan of cataclysmic misfits

you darkened my doorstep with?

But that's impossible.

-The girl is-- -Your primary concern.

Guess again, sister.

If you were really interested in protecting her,

you would have taken her far from this place

and these people right after you seized control from Jane.

But no, you were more interested

in emotionally dissecting your little lab rats,

and now Kay is dead.

[ominous music playing]

[Madame Rouge] Peace...

Continued on A-13.

A-137

[mumbling]

Where is A-13?

What the fuck?

[Cliff] So, you can't fuck with the sex ghosts at all?

[Future Cliff] Sure. Sure.

I mean, not literally.

I mostly do a lot of watching and commenting.

But that's not really what you wanna ask me about, is it?

[Cliff] No.

-Are they-- -[Future Cliff] Clara and Rory are fine.

They took Mille's dad's boat out on the Atlantic and are safe and sound.

[Cliff] Really?

[Future Cliff] No.

[Cliff] Tell me.

[Future Cliff] Bro, you don't want to know.

[Cliff] Can you at least tell me what happened to me?

[Future Cliff] Parkinson's got us.

[Cliff] Really?

[Future Cliff] Bro, you do not wanna know.

[Cliff] Listen, bro!

Either you start talking or I'll make it my life's mission

to figure out how to rip off your ghost head

and shit down your ghost neck.

Which would entail a side mission of figuring out how to take a shit,

but so help me, I will fucking do it!

[Future Cliff chuckling] Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay! Jesus.

You want the truth? Here it is.

Your perfect grandson, Rory...

You never get to touch him.

[Cliff] Because I died before I could get to Florida?

[Future Cliff] Bro, you do not want to know.

[Larry] Oh, there you are.

My God, we're dead.

Hey!

Hello?

Yeah, that tracks.

Future Keeg.

Future Keeg, release.

Hey, where's Keeg, Larry?

Larry, please.

Where is he?

[Future Larry] Keeg doesn't live here anymore.

[Larry] What happened to him?

What the hell did you do?

Hey! I'm talking to you.

Larry, I'm talking to you!

[electricity crackling]

[warbling]

[Larry] Oh, thank God.

[chuckles softly] Look at you!

You're all grown up.

How you doing, buddy?

[electricity buzzing]

And what does he mean you don't live here anymore?

[warbling]

Huh? You look... You can talk to me.

[electricity crackling]

What is going on here?

-[warbling] -[Larry gasps and grunts]

[electricity buzzing]

Hey, what's happening?

What are you doing to him?

[electricity crackling]

[Larry gasps]

Whoa!

[sighs]

What the hell did he say to you?

[panting]

[sighs wearily]

Oh, my fuck sticks.

[Vic grunts]

[grunting]

Shitting hell!

[panting]

He's gonna steal the time machine.

Sooner or later, if they don't get eaten,

they're gonna make their way here.

If you all keep them occupied, I'll double back and take Shipley.

I may be in the minority,

but perhaps we should give our past selves a chance.

Maybe with our guidance, they can avert this terrible future.

[all laughing]

[Cliff] I can't believe you got through that with a straight face!

You're trusting those morons to right the future. Could you imagine?

[wind howling]

[footsteps approaching]

[Vic] Going somewhere?

[Future Vic sighs]

I don't want to fight you.

I bet you don't, old man.

Or talking is also good.

-This is for the best. For all of us. -How is stealing the time machine

instead of telling us how to stop this better?

Look, you're just gonna fuck it up.

The way I see it, we haven't fucked up anything yet.

It was you all who caused this future, not us.

If you know how to avoid this, then you need to tell me.

There's no point.

Where you're at right now, you're not gonna hear me.

Where am I at?

You still think you're on-plan?

-You just don't get it. -Don't get what?

[Rita] What about us?

Are we in a clear headspace?

[growling]

You better be. They're here.

[Zombie Butts growling]

[Cliff] Fuck these fucking Butts.

We kicked their asses once, we can do it again!

[Future Vic] That's exactly what you said 20 years ago

when a Butt cracked your head like an egg and ate you.

[Cliff] Thank you. Finally, someone tells me how I die.

[Zombie Butts growling]

Careful. Don't let them bite you.

We can't win this. We have to go.

No! Not until he talks.

[Cliff] I love a fight as much as the next robot...

But this is nuts.

[Rita] Dr. H is right. Let's get out of here.

[Vic] We're bugging out.

Come with us.

Help us fight the future.

Hell, no. I'd rather be ravaged by Zombie Butts

than revisit that point of my life.

Then I'm not going, either.

Absolutely not, Victor. It's suicide.

[Cliff] Maybe your jellyfish wasn't on tight enough,

but you can't do shit, remember?

You don't have shit to fight with.

Here!

Booyah!

[Silas] Boys!

Stop this nonsense! Immediately!

-Dad? -Dad?

Call me Pop-Pop, please.

Wait. [grunts]

No!

[squawks]

[Vic grunting]

Why did you do that?

Okay, we're going, everybody.

[engine whirring]

[hisses]

The launch sequence has already been initiated.

-[Vic grunting] -It won't open.

[Larry] You can't save him, Vic.

-[Future Vic screaming] -[Zombie Butts growling]

[sinister music playing]

[hissing]

[engine chugging]

[engine powers down]

[birds chirping]

[Vic reading] "You can't have it all."

[suspenseful music playing]

[warbling]

[Larry] Easy, buddy. Easy.

Please.

Look.

Your other dad would write me a note sometimes.

Could you try to do that?

Can you please just tell me

-what future Keeg showed you? -[banging]

Was it about me?

[sighs]

What did you do to fuck this one up, Trainor?

Did you see?

Every hairy detail.

I don't know what to say.

Good. Because I do.

You were right.

I was hiding out in Kay's memories

because being Primary is hard and it's fucking draining.

And I needed a break.

But after what I saw in the future,

I am going back up right now and so help me,

I will chuck you face-first into the fucking well if you--

Kay, where have you been?

What happened to Dr. H?

Don't follow me.

Listen to me, please--

[gasps]

[panting]

[mysterious music playing]

What the fuck?

[knock at door]

[sighs]

Oh. [chuckles] That's unusual.

'Kay.

Uh, do you think it was random seeing Isabel Feathers in the time stream?

[clicks tongue] I'm not sure. Do you?

I'm not sure either.

Might be worth finding out.

You're not leaving anymore, are you?

Given what we've seen in the future,

it's... probably for the best?

[squelching]

Well, isn't this just the shitty cherry on top of a shitty sundae made of shit?

Okay.

Think that went well.

[Vic] You can't have it all.

Fuck that.

[exhales]

[exhales]

[Cliff] Rory, I am gonna come touch your perfect, squishy tush.

But first I gotta stop the Buttpocalypse.

But I promise you.

I will not touch a single thing with my new hand before I get to you.

Until then, fuck you, the future.

[ominous music playing]

[sword clanking]

This better be good, Bunbury.

I was in the middle of Graham Norton.

[Bunbury squeaking]

[sighs]

Can't be serious with this shit.

I mean, it's a stupid hoax, he's not real.

[Bunbury squeaking]

I bought you the wrong bedding one time.

When you gonna get over it?

Can we maybe just get back to the photo?

A thousand apologies, Bunbury.

The prophecy only mentioned the Butts.

Now, if this is real, really, real,

it can mean only one thing.

We're well and truly fucked.

[theme music playing]