Original subtitles

[♪]

CALYPSO: Hello.

- Ah! - [GASPING]

The lovers.

What exactly can I do for you?

So here's the deal. Quiet made a wish,

then I came back, and I made another wish.

It was a simple mistake,

heat of the moment type thing.

I want the walls to come down just like Quiet.

So I'm here to undo my wish. Nothing major.

This is very serious.

I gave you strict instructions.

- One wish per car. - I know. It was a mistake.

That's why I want to take my wish back.

- I mean... - Do you really want that?

It is your sister, after all.

And you?

You let him make this sacrifice?

It was a big lie,

but he must have really wanted her back.

Yeah, but Krista...

It's my sister. It's my choice.

If you want to solve your wish problem...

...drink from the well.

That well?

Mm-hmm.

[♪]

[EXCLAIMS]

All right, that's it.

Everything will be taken care of.

Really?

Easy peasy.

You run along now.

Oh, and...

...have fun tonight.

[LAUGHING]

If he has something "fun" planned,

we are fucked.

- [DOOR SHUTS] - [SIGHING]

Nothing like a little calm before a storm.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

Wow. This bleach stuff is great.

I wonder if it'll clean my insides.

[SIGHING] O-kay...

"Duh... deh..."

"Dearest drivers.

"Tonight, we will be celebrating

"the annual wintertide solstice promenade."

"We will honor the transition of the seasons

"with music, dance, and general revelry."

Ooh! Did you say "party"?

Lucky for you, I love dirty dancing.

I'm not surprised about the dirty part.

You haven't washed in days.

And I'll pass on the dancing.

- We'll see about that. - [LAUGHING]

"Please use the contents of this stunningly crafted chest

"to ready yourself and meet outside the gym at 8:00 PM."

"Warm Solstice,

"Calypso."

So the next round is a party.

John, we fucked with this man's game.

So, no, I don't think this next round is just a party.

Well, it can't be that bad.

I'm not taking any chances.

Oh, sh--

Okay, so maybe there is a dance portion.

Wait, did you say wintertide solstice promenade?

I've always wanted to do a prom episode,

but I never got the chance.

But I've seen every one.

Oh... tonight is going to be magical.

I'm gonna own the dance floor

like Carlton Banks in Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Ain't that right, Harold?

Aw, my own little Jazzy Jeff.

All right, I need your opinion.

Do I go cocktail casual, or Transylvania chic?

I'll go with, uh, Transylvania chic.

Ah, you don't know anything.

Prom is for the classics.

- [METAL CLANGING] - Time to stun these hos.

Damn.

Ew, get a life.

I am so getting my eggs fertilized tonight.

[GIGGLING]

[OLD VOICE] Hmm, time to party.

Ah, quit fiddling.

Let Pop Pop do it.

Long over short, then through the hole,

and back--

Ah, fuck it. You know what?

If Ricky didn't need a tie in My So-Called Life,

neither does my Stu.

Yo!

Purple suit. Looking sharp, Stu.

- It's plum. - Plum, huh?

- Like the fruit. - Yeah, I got it.

Sexy ass suit, check.

Handsome son of a bitch to fill it in,

double check.

How great is this?

I mean, the invites, the suits. Oh...

It's like I'm in a fairy tale.

Ugh, God, this is fucking lame.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoa.

Is there breeze in here?

- You look amazing. - Thanks.

Chopping it up kind of worked out.

Also...

- It'll still hide my hatchet. - JOHN DOE: Oh.

This dress fits like shit.

I think that's because you have it on backwards.

Here, let me help you.

- [ZIPPING] - How did you do this?

[PA TONES PLAYING]

CALYPSO: Please, enter the gymnasium.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR SHUTS]

Beautiful.

Oh, very handsome.

Well, here we fucking go.

Lovely. Very dapper.

Welcome to the wintertide solstice promenade,

a celebration dating back to the Roanoke Colony.

And back then, we-- They...

...would gather to honor life's transitions,

the moments we all share in common.

And this eve, we honor the death of autumn,

and celebrate the birth of winter.

We honor the dead with our own offering...

...of life.

I wonder what we're offering.

Oh, good. It's blood.

Who's next?

[HISSES]

[WHINES]

[WINCES]

[WINCES]

[WINCES] I got a splinter.

- [SERVOS WHIRRING] - Right or left?

I think we can skip you.

Cal, I got to tell you, loving the theme.

[CHUCKLING]

Also, you are a masterful storyteller.

Hmm. Thank you.

[♪]

To those who have fallen.

Thank you for your offering.

Hmm. All better.

My, uh, splinter didn't disappear.

Now, there has been much death,

and there will be more, but tonight?

[LAUGHING] Tonight...

- [MATCH FLARES] - ...is for the living.

[FIRE ROARING]

[♪]

[SPIN DOCTOR'S "TWO PRINCES" PLAYING]

Let's party!

Come on. Don't be shy.

- Yes! - Go dance.

It's all happening.

Ah! It's all happening!

♪ One two princes kneel Before you ♪

CALYPSO: Have an hors d'ouevres.

♪ That's what I said now

♪ Princes princes Who adore you ♪

♪ Just go ahead now

♪ One has diamonds In his pockets ♪

Pinwheel?

♪ And that's Some bread now ♪

BOTH: What the fuck?

[♪]

Hey, everybody, get over here

and make a damn circle around me.

[BEATBOXING]

Saw that.

[SIGHING]

And I...

...absolutely approve.

Ooh, all right.

Who's ready to make some precious memories?

Oh, hell yeah!

Let's go! [LAUGHING]

Hey, I don't know, man.

You sure it's not going to melt our eyes or something?

Stu. [CHUCKLING]

Get in here, man.

[LAUGHING]

[CURTAIN RATTLES]

Hey, Stu, you got to get in here.

It's not the three bromigos without you.

So get your purple tushy in here, man.

Hey, if you guys want to be the ugliest ones in the photo,

I'm happy to oblige.

[LAUGHING]

Get your ass in here right now.

You can sit on my lap.

- Okay. - Put your butt towards us!

- [OMC'S "HOW BIZARRE" PLAYING] - Okay.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER] - Let's switch hats.

[LAUGHING]

- ALL: Aah! - [LAUGHING]

DAVE: This is the best night of my life.

Have you seen this spread?

- What are you doing? - Ow! What?

They put marshmallows inside of cereal.

I'm but a mere man!

Wait. Did you want one?

No.

And you shouldn't have one either.

It's probably laced with something.

- Hmm. - Or the DJ is spinning

subliminal messages in his beats,

and when the bass drops, we're all gonna kill ach other.

Maybe. But I'm gonna eat this.

I'm just saying, something is up.

No, I get that.

Like when it seems all good on the outside,

but on the inside, there's a surprise waiting.

Like these tasty pig in a blanket.

Hmm?

Come on.

Mm-mm-mm-mmm.

Come on. They're good.

I've had, like, six of them.

You're acting like nothing's wrong.

Something's always wrong.

It's been that way our entire lives.

Now, sure, Calypso might try some shit,

but tonight, I'm here with you right now.

And you look nice.

Oh, great. I'm glad to know

I'll make a beautiful corpse.

I'm gonna go check the rest of the perimeter.

Enjoy your... hogs.

♪ Every time I look around ♪

♪ Every time I look around ♪

♪ Every time I look around

[GIGGLING]

Hmm?

Hi, mister!

[NORMAL VOICE] Sorry.

We can't get distracted before the next round.

[EFFETE VOICE] Truth is, sweetie,

he thinks about you at night.

[ROUGH VOICE] He's just nervous

you won't like the rest of us.

Well, you can tell him he doesn't have to be nervous.

I think his voices are kinda cute...

...and a vibe.

[♪]

[SQUEALS]

Okay now, buttoned-up insider came to get loose.

Yeah, well, this party fucking sucks.

You know, I tried to go to prom one time?

Took the love of my life.

But they didn't let us in.

Turns out this bitch Destiny told Principal Wilson

that we were gonna do ecstasy,

which, hey, we were.

But because of her,

Kelly and I never got our dance.

Wait, wait. So you--

You're a lesbian?

Yeah. I'm a lesbian.

Do you have a fucking problem with that?

No.

Axel loves the lesbians.

Right answer, bitch.

[CRAZY TOWN'S "BUTTERFLY" PLAYING]

[EFFETE VOICE] Oh, just ask her already.

[ROUGH VOICE] Yeah, pussy!

[CLEARS THROAT]

[NORMAL VOICE] Would you...

...like to dance?

I'd love to.

♪ Come my lady Come come my lady ♪

♪ You're my butterfly Sugar baby ♪

♪ Come my lady Come come my lady ♪

♪ You're my butterfly Sugar baby ♪

♪ Such a sexy Sexy pretty little thing ♪

♪ Fierce nipple pierced ♪

♪ You got me sprung With your tongue ring ♪

♪ And I ain't gonna lie

♪ 'Cause your loving Gets me high ♪

♪ So to keep you By my side ♪

♪ There's nothing That I won't try ♪

♪ Butterflies in her eyes And the looks to kill ♪

♪ Time is passing I'm asking Could this be real ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't sleep I can't hold still ♪

♪ The only thing I really know Is she got sex appeal ♪

♪ I can feel Too much is never enough ♪

♪ You're always there To lift me up ♪

♪ When these times Get rough ♪

♪ I was lost now I'm found

♪ Ever since you been around

♪ You're the woman that I want So yo I'm putting it down ♪

♪ Come my lady Come come my lady ♪

♪ You're my butterfly Sugar baby ♪

♪ Come my lady You're my pretty baby ♪

♪ I'll make your legs shake

- [HUMMING] - MIKE: Stu!

- DAVE: Hey, dude. - Good dance.

- [LAUGHING] - Thank you.

You guys wanna get down on these fingies?

Uh, hell yeah.

Now, Dave, these are chicken fingers,

not people fingers. Sure you still want one?

[LAUGHING AWKWARDLY]

Goddamn, Stu.

Really?

Hey, don't-- he didn't mean--

You can't say shit like that

to someone in recovery, Stu.

Shit, I feel horrible,

He's probably going back to his room

to do some meditation. I'll go talk to him,

let him know you didn't mean it.

No, I got this.

We're just starting to really bond.

I want to own this mistake.

I think he'd really respect that.

Stu, are you sneaking off to do some drugs?

Yeah.

Ah, I'm proud of that kid.

Oh, so now you're all dancing?

Unbelievable.

JOHN DOE: What the! Hmm.

So, how's the perimeter?

You find anything suspicious?

No.

- But I can feel it. - JOHN DOE: Yeah?

Something's off.

Well, I'm gonna go investigate the dance floor,

so if I'm not back in five minutes,

you might want to come get me.

[BEATBOXING]

♪ And its sealed with a kiss ♪

♪ And a thank you miss ♪

♪ Come and dance with me

♪ Come and dance with me Ah ah ah ♪

♪ Come my lady Come come my lady ♪

♪ You're my butterfly Sugar baby ♪

♪ Come my lady You're my pretty baby ♪

♪ I'll make your legs shake ♪

♪ You make me go crazy

♪ Come my lady Come come my lady ♪

♪ You're my butterfly Sugar baby ♪

♪ Come my lady You're my pretty baby ♪

♪ I'll make your legs shake

♪ You make me go crazy

♪ Come my lady Come come my lady ♪

♪ You're my butterfly Sugar baby ♪

♪ Come my lady You're my pretty baby ♪

♪ I'll make your legs shake

♪ You make me go crazy

♪ Come my lady Come come my lady ♪

♪ You're my butterfly Sugar baby ♪

[JUVENILE'S "BACK THAT AZZ UP" PLAYING]

Oh, ho ho!

♪ Girl you working With some ass yeah ♪

♪ You bad yeah

That's my shit!

♪ Hoes frown When you pass yeah ♪

♪ They mad yeah

♪ You gon' ride In the Jag yeah ♪

♪ With that head

♪ You could smoke Or buy a bag yeah ♪

♪ Of grass yeah

♪ Got money I can flash yeah ♪

♪ And trash yeah

♪ I'm a big timer Nigga yeah ♪

♪ Pull the trigger yeah

♪ A playa hater Flipper yeah ♪

♪ Graver filler yeah

♪ I be slangin' wood yeah

♪ Out the hood yeah

Well, thank you for joining.

Yeah, well, you looked like you needed backup.

Ooh, I need backup! Back up!

[LAUGHING]

♪ Do a trick yeah On the dick yeah ♪

♪ You claimin' You want a picture ♪

♪ That ain't shit yeah ♪

♪ The nigga with The money yeah ♪

♪ Don't act funny yeah

♪ Got birds And I'm runnin' yeah ♪

♪ 'Bout a hundred yeah

♪ Girl you looks good Won't you back that azz up ♪

[SQUEALS]

Come on, come on, go Grimm!

ALL: Go Grimm! Go Grimm! Go Grimm!

Go Grimm! Go Grimm! Go Grimm! Go Grimm!

What the fuck?

That's supposed to be my dance circle!

ALL: Go Grimm! Go Grimm!

Oh, this isn't over yet. [GROWLING]

Dave, where are you, dude?

- [DOOR OPENS] - Dave?

Party's not the same without ya.

[MOANING]

Holy shit, you can suck your own dick?

That's fucking awesome.

[MOANING]

Dave, you still eat people?

Everybody backslides, Stu.

Dave, let's just take it easy.

You're not yourself right now.

Mike and I can help you.

- [LAUGHING] - No, you fucking can't.

This is who I've always been.

Now the mask is off, bitch,

and I'm not gonna let you turn Mike against me.

- No. - DAVE: No, no, no, no, no.

You punched your own ticket, dude. Sorry.

So now I-I think I'm going to boil your flesh.

And then when you're nice and tender,

I'm gonna feed it to Mike.

- No. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A piping hot bowl of Stu!

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

- [LAUGHING] - Yes, Stu! Yeah, baby!

Come on! [SCREAMING]

Ah, fuck you!

- [CRACKING] - [SCREAMING]

[YELPS] Oh, shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[GRUNTING]

[YELPING]

[SCREAMING]

Time to rip the piggies from the blanket!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Ah, what the fuck? [SIGHING]

Ooh, you're so tangy!

- [GROWLING] - [YELPING]

That's good, Stu.

You got some good chompers on you, you fuck!

- How'd that taste? - Like ass!

[LAUGHING]

I hope you enjoyed the appetizer,

'cause I'm coming in

for the main course now!

- [SQUELCHING] - [GASPING]

Dave?

You good?

Come on. Let's get your head off that hook

and get you back to prom.

[STRAINING]

"Dear bros and brahs,

"I bet you're wondering

"how I got here.

Well, it's kind of a funny story."

Whoo, my traps better be glistening.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Hey, I need to get a picture of how good I look.

No, how good you look.

Uh, yeah, no, pass.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Dude, I look like ass in this dress.

No, you look great.

I don't know, maybe put your hair up.

[SCOFFS]

[COOING]

AXEL: Where'd you get that,

the thing in your hair?

I don't really know.

Had it ever since I was a baby.

- [LAUGHING] - Get in here--Okay, okay.

Okay, okay, okay. [LAUGHING, MUFFLED VOICES]

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

AXEL: Those were good days.

Some of the best of my life.

[MUFFLED LAUGHS AND SCREAMS]

[BABY CRYING]

No!

[PANTING]

[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, we've never done this before.

It's all new.

You're doing great, my stinky little bedbug.

Eh, look at this exoskeleton!

[LAUGHING] Mama like!

- Give me that nectar. - [MOANING]

Oh, we are gonna come.

We are gonna come!

Oh, man, Grimm,

I didn't think you could land her,

but you've proven me wrong.

Well, guess you win the bet.

What is he talking about, Grimmy?

- Was I the bet? - No, no, no, no.

- Was I fucking bet? - It's not like that.

- I thought you liked me. - [CRYING]

No, no, no, stop.

Come back. We can explain.

SWEET TOOTH: I guess you were right, Harold.

She wasn't all that after all.

[LAUGHING]

[♪]

Hors d'oeuvres?

- Stu! - [AWKWARD LAUGHTER]

Hey, man, you've been gone a while.

Oh, How'd things go with Dave?

Uh, he forgave me.

- Oh, nice. - Yeah.

Well, where is he?

Um, he said he has some personal demons

he needs to Shavasana about.

Of course he does.

You want to hit the snack table?

Actually, I've got a better idea.

Your old hacky sack?

[LAUGHING] Hell, yeah, it is.

You kept it after all this time?

Of course I did, man. This means a lot to me.

Me too.

See? I told you you looked cute.

That's what I look like?

Ha, I look great!

[THE PRETENDERS' "I'LL STAND BY YOU" PLAYING]

♪ Oh why you look so sad ♪

May I have this dance?

Yeah, sure.

♪ Come on And come to me now ♪

♪ Don't be ashamed to cry

♪ Let me see you through ♪

♪ 'Cause I've seen The dark side too ♪

♪ When the night Falls on you ♪

♪ You don't know What to do ♪

♪ Nothing you confess

♪ Could make me Love you less ♪

♪ I'll stand by you

♪ I'll stand by you

♪ Won't let nobody Hurt you ♪

♪ I'll stand by you

♪ So if you're mad get mad

♪ Don't hold it all inside ♪

♪ Come on and talk To me now ♪

♪ Hey what you got to hide

♪ I get angry too

♪ Well I'm a lot like you

♪ When you're standing At the crossroads ♪

♪ And don't know Which path to choose ♪

♪ Let me come along

♪ 'Cause even If you're wrong ♪

♪ I'll stand by you

We'll have our dance soon, Kelly.

Just a few more kills to go.

♪ I'll stand by you ♪

♪ Take me in Into your darkest hour ♪

♪ And I'll never desert you

I never thought I'd get a night like this.

Quiet, if we survive this thing,

every night can be like this.

John...

I have something to tell you.

Don't say it.

Why not?

'Cause you don't have to.

♪ And when

♪ When the night Falls on you baby ♪

♪ You're feeling all alone

♪ You won't be on your own ♪

Ah, you know, it's nothing like on TV.

It's all so magical.

♪ Won't let nobody hurt you

♪ I'll stand by you

♪ Take me in Into your darkest hour ♪

♪ And I'll never desert you ♪

♪ I'll stand by you

[SIGHS]

Yeah.

I couldn't ask for a better friend

to share it with.

Aw, thanks, Harold.

I love you, Sweet Tooth.

♪ I'll stand by you

♪ I'll stand by you

♪ Won't let nobody hurt you ♪

♪ I'll stand by you

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Take me in Into your darkest hour ♪

Oh, no, what's happening?

Oh, no.

[LAUGHING]

[COUGHING]

Does this smoke smell weird to you, Harold?

Harold? Harold?

Harold?

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, you can't!

Wanna bet?

SWEET TOOTH: No, no,

no, no, no!

[LAUGHING]

[COUGHING]

We gotta get out of here.

Wow, what's in this punch?

It's not the punch.

[COUGHING] It's the smoke.

- [COUGHING] - We're being...

...fumigated!

[THUDS]

Try not to breathe the smoke.

Hey, hey, hey, little girl,

I-I didn't mean to leave you alone.

Uh, what is going on with you?

What is going on with me?

[COUGHING]

Oh, fuck.

- May! - Quiet.

Come on, stay with me.

Quiet! [GRUNTING]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

[GROANING]

- [THUNDER CRASHING] - Quiet.

John!

CALYPSO: Wakey wakey.

I hope you all had a lovely evening

bonding with your fellow competitors.

Alas, if you want to advance to the final round,

those bonds will have to break.

[ENGINE STARTS]

- [THUNDER CRASHING] - JOHN DOE: Oh, shit.

CALYPSO: Welcome to the afterparty.

[LAUGHING]

[THUNDER CRASHING]