Original subtitles

Crossroads are where pacts are made. Serious spell work.

- Used to summon a demon. - People are making deals with the thing.

They're seeing hellhounds, demonic pit bulls.

- Aah! - You can control them?

Sic them, boy!

Garth finally got into his houseboat but Kevin's...

...having trouble reading their half of the tablet.

- What's that stuff? - Goofer dust.

You boys think you know something, but not goofer dust?

- What is it? - Hoodoo. Keeps out demons.

In the box is a key to every object, scroll, spell...

...ever collected in a thousand years under one roof.

It is the supernatural mother lode.

If knowledge is power, then this is the most powerful place on Earth.

Good morning, Warsaw...

...welcome to the morning zoo. Today we're...

Good morning, War...

Holy crap.

Holy crap.

Holy crap.

Good morning, Moo-ssouri, this is Radio Warsaw...

Hey, Mom.

Wow.

Not bad.

Not bad?

- I haven't had my own room ever. - Heh.

I'm making this awesome. I got my kick ass vinyl...

...I've got this killer mattress.

Memory foam.

It remembers me.

And it's clean too. There's no funky smell, there's no creepy motel stains.

Really?

I'm gonna go fix us some grub.

What you reading?

Sort of, uh, everything.

Huh, good.

Somebody's gonna have to dig through all this and it ain't gonna be me.

You made these?

We have a real kitchen now.

I know, I just didn't think you knew what a kitchen was.

I'm nesting. Okay? Eat.

- Huh? Yeah. - Wow.

You're welcome.

Yo.

- Dean? Come quick. - What?

Kevin? Kevin?

Something wrong?

Guess.

Kevin? It's us.

Found him.

You look like hammered crap.

- Yeah. - Are you sleeping?

- Not really. - Eating?

Hot dogs, mostly.

Sure, breakfast of champions.

I feel dirty saying this, but you might want a salad.

- And a shower. - And I've been getting bad headaches...

...and nosebleeds, and I think maybe I had a small stroke.

But it was worth it.

What was worth it?

I figured out how to close the Gates of Hell.

You...

Come here, you smelly son of a bitch.

- What? - Okay, okay.

So, what does this mean?

- What are we looking at? - It's a spell.

- And? - And it's just a few words of Enochian, but...

- Yeah, here we go. - The spell has to be spoken...

- ...after you finish each of the three trials. - Trials, like Law & Order?

More like Hercules.

The tablet says, "whosoever chooses to undertake these tasks should...

...fear not danger, nor death, nor..."

...a word I think means getting your spine ripped out through your mouth for eternity.

Good times.

Basically, God built a series of tests. And...

...when you've done all three, you can slam the Gates.

So, what? God wants us to take the SATs?

I guess. He works in mysterious ways.

Mysterious, douche-y ways. Where do we start?

I've only been able to crack one of the tests so far and it's gross.

You've gotta kill a hound of hell and bathe in its blood.

- Awesome. - Awesome?

Yeah.

If this means icing all demons, I got no problem gutting some devil dog...

- ...and letting Calgon take me away. - Where you gonna find one?

Hellhounds like to collect on crossroads deals...

...so we track down a loser who signed over his special sauce 10 years ago...

...get between him and Clifford the Big Dead Dog. Easy.

- Doesn't sound easy. - It's not.

You get on the Net, see what you can dig up.

I'm on a supply run, we need goof er dust...

...and the kid needs to eat something that's not ground up hooves and pigs' anuses.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Okay, I feel a lot better.

Kevin, buddy, you gotta slow down.

- What? - Get some shut-eye.

Take a day off, open a window.

No.

You said nuking hell. That's how I get out. That's how I go home.

Right, it is. But you can't live like this.

You think I want to?

I hate it here.

I can't leave because every demon on the planet wants to peel my face off.

I can't talk to anyone except you guys or Garth, when he swings by, or my mom.

Right? And when she calls all she does is cry.

I just...

I need this to be over.

I know. I do.

But trust me on this.

This whole saving the world thing...

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

You gotta take better care of yourself.

Hey.

Did you know that there are like 6000 kinds of tomatoes?

- Did you find anything? - Yeah. Demon signs.

Ten years ago, all centered on Shoshone, Idaho.

Okay. Well, big time mojo means big time freak.

So anybody have a horseshoe shoved up his ass?

That's one way of putting it. Ahem.

Meet the Cassitys, small-time farmers who struck oil on their land in February of '03.

- It's weird because geological surveys... - Yeah, you had me at weird.

- All right, we thinking deal? - Best lead we got.

Well, let's go visit the Beverly Hillbillies.

You stay here, work on step number two...

...if you come across anything on hellhounds, drop a dime...

...because between the claws, the teeth, and the invisibility...

...those bitches can be real bitches.

I got you a present.

The, uh, blue ones are for the headaches...

...and the green ones are for pep.

Don't OD.

Thanks.

You sure about that?

Sam, we are on the one yard line. It is time to play through the pain.

Keep an eye out. Anybody with a hellhound on them will show signs...

...hallucinating, freaking out, the usual.

- And if we find someone? - You get them clear...

...I spike Fido, the crowd goes wild.

Hey, pal, who runs this joint?

You're looking at her.

You own the ranch?

Nope, just manage the property.

You guys here about the job?

How'd you guess?

- We get our share of drifters. - Ah.

Ever worked a farm before?

Definitely.

We're quick learners.

Ellie.

Who we got here?

I'm Dean, this is Sam.

- Carl Granville, a pleasure. - Pleasure.

- So you're not a Cassity? - My wife is.

Her and her family own the place. I'm just one of those, uh...

...what do you call them, trophy husbands. Ha, ha.

So, we hiring the fellas?

Not sure yet.

Oh, come on...

- ...they seem like swell guys. - Oh, he's right. We're swell.

You bed down in here.

Breakfast is at 5, dinner is at 8, and in between you're mine.

Questions?

I miss my room.

We're good.

Okay.

Job is yours if you want it.

But I gotta warn you, it's crap work.

Crap. She literally meant crap.

I hate you.

I don't care. Do I look like a hippie?

Organic food is better for the cattle. My land, my animals, my money, my way.

End of story.

She's a real piece of work, huh?

Alice Cassity's a piece of something, all right.

But what are we gonna do? She's the boss.

Drink?

- So, what are we thinking? - About deal-wise?

Well, Ellie's the help, so that rules her out.

And Carl doesn't really seem like the sell-your-soul type. So Alice?

- Ding-ding-ding. - Should we talk to her?

Why? So she can lie to us and then call the cops? No.

No, we're gonna have to go stalker on this one, Sammy.

- A whole horse? Seriously? - No, yeah. Yeah.

- How is that even possible? - What did she say?

- Just a wolf. - Yeah.

Probably spooked the hell out of the horses. I should check on them.

- All right. Hurry back. - Okay.

No!

God almighty.

I'm sorry, Ellie. Carl seemed like a good guy.

The best.

- His head was practically ripped off? - And you are?

- Just curious. - He's new. He works here.

Carl died bad, let's leave it at that.

They've been reintroducing wolves, but I never thought...

This wasn't a wolf.

I gotta make some phone calls.

The whole family's flying in for this.

All the Cassitys under one roof.

Good luck.

Son of a bitch.

So, what do you think?

I think Carl signed the deal. Now he's dog food.

Hellhound's gone and we were too busy chasing a pile of jack to stop it.

Let's grab our stuff and get out of here.

You okay, Mrs. Cassity?

- I'm fine. - You sure?

I really am. And...

...I know I shouldn't be, because I loved Carl...

...I think. I just can't remember why.

What do you mean?

I mean, Carl grew up around here...

...we went to school together and he was always mooning over me but...

...I never... I used to make fun of him.

When did you two get together?

Valentine's Day, 2003.

I was at this party. Carl was there and it was like I was seeing him for the first time.

You know, suddenly he was cute, and smart and funny, and it was magic.

Carl and I were happy for 10 years.

But now he's dead, and I'm not sad, angry...

...I'm just fine.

Hey, we, uh... We have any graveyard din?

- We should, why? - Yarrow?

Yeah, no. Dean, no.

We're not summoning a crossroads demon.

Plan A bombed, so welcome to plan B. We get some red eyed bitch in a trap...

...hold a knife on her until she calls a pooch. Special delivery.

Except when Crowley finds out we're dialing hell, he won't send one hellhound...

...he'll send 100. That's not a plan, that's suicide.

- You got a better idea? - Yeah, we stay here.

I just talked to Alice in the barn.

Carl didn't sell his soul for oil...

- ...he sold it for Alice. - His wife?

He loved her, she barely noticed him, so he made a deal.

And now that time's up, it's like she barely even knew the guy.

You think our demon signed up more than one schmuck here?

Wouldn't be the first time.

This family's rich because someone booked a one-way ticket downstairs.

And as of tomorrow, they're all gonna be right here.

And you wanna scope them out?

I wanna kill a hellhound, and not die.

How about you?

Two days, then we do it my way.

Meet Noah Cassity.

He's 71, worth a billion, and just married wife number five...

- ...a 20-year-old lingerie model. - Because they have so much in common.

Alice is his oldest and that's Cindy, the middle girl.

She had a single on the country chart a few years ago.

Then she started hitting the bottle and, well...

...her last album was holiday songs for dogs.

My favorites were: "Jingle Bark Rock" and "Don't Pee on this Tree, Happy Arbor Day."

- So she's the devil. - Pretty much.

And there's the baby, Margot.

She ran away just before Alice and Carl tied the knot.

Lives in Paris.

- How do you know all this? - I've been working this farm since I was 13...

...and I've got eyes.

Okay, tonight is an all-hands-on-deck situation.

I'm gonna need one of you inside serving dinner and pouring drinks.

A lot of drinks.

Okay, well, have fun. I won't wait up.

And somebody's gotta man the grill.

What kind of grill?

- Impressed? - I do like a man who can handle his meat.

Really? Keep it coming, Ken Doll.

You're the best, Ellie.

Al, I'm so sorry about Carl.

I mean, he was the love of your life.

- Right. - Please, she can do better.

Maybe Alice should marry a child. Take after her father.

- Ivanka's not a child. - She's a prostitute who looks like a child.

- Are you done? Alice is in mourning. - Oh, I'm sorry, Margie, I didn't see you there.

You're too far up on your high horse.

Ha, ha! Oh, yes, but you are right...

...we should all take a minute and say a few words about Carl.

You first. Was he a good lay?

- What? - Oh, you didn't know?

Yeah. Daddy caught them going at it in the barn.

Al, it was before you two got together.

I mean, Carl, he loved you.

Yeah, that was back when Margie was fat and...

...Cin was sober. A long time ago.

- Get cancer and die, old man. - You first, sweetie.

- Are they always like this? - More or less.

How can you work here?

I love the property, I love the animals, and I tune out the people.

I can't remember the last time we all sat down for a meal together.

It was back at the old, crappy house...

...when Daddy invited that traveling salesman to dinner.

Yeah, him.

- And so charming. - And English.

What was his name? Kenny?

Crow... - Crowl...

Crow... Crowley. - Crow...

- Crowley? - That's what they said.

Swung through town 10 years ago. To the day.

You think Tea and Crumpets made these deals and now he's collecting?

Or he just sent his dog. Told it to go fetch.

King of Hell, grabbing a few souls? Below his pay grade.

- Any idea who signed the dotted line? - I have no clue. It's brutal in there.

Hey, Kev, what's up?

Hey, Dean. Good news. Uh, I think. Kind of.

Don't oversell it.

Sorry. I found something on the tablet about hellhounds...

...uh, this mean anything to you?

"The dire creatures may be seen only by the damned...

...or through an object scorched with holy fire."

- Like with holy oil? - It's gotta be.

- We could use a window. - Or glasses.

I think we got Jesus Juice in the trunk.

I'll take care of the x-ray specs.

Stay here. Don't let J.R. and the gang out of your sight.

Hey, Kevin, uh, you did great, man. Get some sleep.

Okay. Thanks.

Oh, look, Daddy's drunk and armed.

Must be Christmas.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey-

- Where are you going? - Wherever I damn well please.

Wolf that killed my son-in-law?

He's a man-eater, gotta be put down.

We're doing this for Carl.

- Okay, just... Just hold on a second. - No, going now.

I'll come with you.

You know anything about hunting, boy?

A little bit, yeah.

Let's do it.

I like it.

The whole Clark Kent look.

Ellie, hey.

Hey.

So...

...I think you're really hot.

You wanna go to my room and have sex?

What?

L... Sorry.

I don't usually do this.

I guess I'm feeling my oats.

I can't.

What?

- Okay. Uh, embarrassing. - Oh, no, no, no. No, I want to.

- Uh, heh. Believe me. - No, it's okay, you don't.

- I guess I'm gonna... - Ellie, um...

Rain check.

This is one night only.

Watch yourself, boy.

- Where's Margie? - I thought she was with you.

- Oh, my God. - Go back to the house!

- No. No. My girl. - Go!

- What was that thing? - It's a hellhound.

When you sell your soul to a demon, they come and rip it out of you.

- Demon? - Crowley.

Poncey guy, about yay big, mountain of dicks.

He was here 10 years ago making dreams come true.

If you didn't sign, that freak out there won't touch you...

...but if you did, I need to know and I need to know now.

So hands up.

So wait. The British guy was a demon...

...and now there's a hellhound after us?

- Are you insane? - They're obviously insane.

- Don't play dumb. - Yeah, I'm not playing.

- I didn't sell my damn soul. - Well somebody did.

And the sooner that idiot owns up, the sooner the rest of you can go.

- All right. Seal them in. - Yeah.

- What? - I'm gonna spread goof er dust around...

...the doors, the windows. That will keep the hellhound out.

- For awhile. - What does that...?

- How long? - Long enough for me to stab it in its throat.

No way, no way, you can't do this. You can't...

Yes, I can. You wanna know why? Because it's what I do.

And, buddy, I'm the best.

See, I gut Old Yeller out there and maybe, just maybe, you walk away.

I don't, you're meat.

So sit down, shut up...

...and put these on.

I don't... Who are you people?

We're here to help.

Like you helped Margie?

When the hellhound gets close, you might see things, hear things.

Gonna feel like you took the brown acid, and it's trying to kill you.

The handcuffs are so you won't hurt yourselves.

And when one of you starts bugging out we'll know who's on tap to be puppy chow.

So, what's our play?

While you camp here, figure out who whored their soul...

...I'm gonna scout the grounds...

...see if I can't gank Huckleberry Hound before he makes his next move.

- You're not going alone. I'm going with you. - Wrong.

- Uh, they're on lockdown, you need back-up. - No, I don't.

- Yes, you do. - No, I need you to be safe, Sam. Okay?

- That's what I need. - What? When am I...?

When are we ever safe?

- This is different. - How?

Because of the Three Trials crap.

God's little obstacle course. We've been down roads like this before, man.

With Yellow Eyes, Lucifer, Dick frigging Roman.

We both know where this ends. One of us dies...

...or worse.

So, what? You just up and decided it's gonna be you?

I'm a grunt, Sam, you're not. You've always been the brains of this operation...

- Dean. - You told me that you see a way out.

You see a light at the end of this ugly ass tunnel. I don't.

But I'll tell you what I do know...

...it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand.

Because that's what I have waiting for me. That's all I have waiting for me.

I want you to get out. I want you to have a life.

Become a man of letters, whatever.

You, with a wife, and kids, and... And... And grandkids.

Living until you're fat, bald, and chugging Viagra. That is my perfect ending.

And it's the only one that I'm gonna get.

So I'm gonna do these Trials...

...and I'm gonna do them alone. End of story.

You're staying here, I'm going out there. If Land Shark comes knocking, you call me.

If you try to follow me, I'm gonna put a bullet in your damn leg.

- You sold your soul. Admit it. - Why the hell would you think that?

You're a walking corpse married to a centerfold. I did the math.

She likes money, and I'm rich. Do it again.

Look, you sing like crap so explain the music career.

- Hello. Autotune. - All right. That's enough.

Oh, is it, Four Eyes, is it enough?

Don't know why you even think one of us made a deal.

Because you struck oil where there was no oil. That didn't seem weird to you?

Margie.

Margie used to say that...

That if we were rich, we'd all be happy.

Right, we're the damn Waltons.

When I think about you, I touch myself

Oh, I don't want any...

Just in time.

- Yeah. Are you okay? - I'm good.

And I bet you're great.

- Yup. Great. - Okay.

Listen...

Whatever happens, whatever you hear, stay here with that door locked.

Sit tight, okay? This is gonna sound crazy, but there is something evil out there.

I know.

You know?

It's coming for me.

I need to take a leak.

- Hold it. - Yeah, at my age?

Not really an option. So, either you let me go, or get me a bottle.

Ugh. You're disgusting.

Wait!

Aah! Please, just let me go. Please.

- Please, don't hurt my family. - I'm not. I'm trying to help.

- Get in the house. - But...

- Go! Go! - Oh, God.

When my parents split up, my mom took a job here.

This was before the Cassitys had money.

But it was the best she could do.

- So I grew up on this farm. - That's how you met Crowley.

They had this big dinner...

...and after, I saw him kissing Margie.

I ran. I didn't know what to do.

But Crowley found me. We talked.

- He seemed so nice. - The best con men always do.

He asked me if I had one wish, what would it be?

So I told him.

- And he made you sign over your soul. - He didn't make me do anything.

My mom, she had Parkinson's. Early stages...

...and I knew how that story would end.

So I took the deal.

Mom is retired down in Phoenix now.

Plays golf every day.

That was a stupid move, Ellie.

I did it for my mom, Dean. What would you do for your mom?

- You had to know this was coming. - No, how?

He didn't tell you about the 10 year clock?

What?

I knew when I died I wasn't going to heaven...

...but he never said anything about that or monsters.

What a douchebag.

He probably didn't say jack to Carl or Margot either.

Margie made a deal?

- So she's... - She's gone.

Oh, God. I...

A few years ago, Carl got drunk...

...he told me he did some kind of magic at a crossroads.

Summoned a demon.

I put two and two together, and when I saw what that thing did to him...

I just never knew about Margie.

I thought I was next.

- And you didn't run? - Where would I run?

All I wanted was one last meal, some good tunes, and maybe...

I don't wanna die.

Dean, what's happening?

Ellie, whatever you're seeing, it's not real.

It means the hellhound, it's close.

Look, you need to stay...

...inside this circle, okay?

- Now. - Dean.

No matter what happens, you stay inside that circle, you understand me?

So you're Crowley's bitch.

I guess pets really do look like their owners.

What are you waiting for? Come and get it.

- You need to go to a hospital. - I've had worse.

Yeah, he's had worse.

So, what now?

Now we make a hex bag and you start running.

If Crowley can't find you, he won't sic another mutt on you.

- So I'm not going to hell? - Not on my watch.

You give us a minute?

- Sure. - Thanks.

Dean, even if she can dodge Crowley...

...as soon as Ellie dies, her soul is earmarked for hell.

Not if we shut it down first.

The spell's not gonna work for you, Dean.

Doesn't matter, we'll track down another hellhound, and I'll kill it.

No.

- Sam, I didn't pass the test. - But I did...

- ...and I'm doing the rest of them. - My ass you are.

Closing the Gates, it's a suicide mission for you.

- Sam. - I wanna slam hell shut too, okay?

But I wanna survive it. I wanna live.

And so should you.

You have friends up here, family...

...hell, you even got your own room now.

You were right, okay?

I see light at the end of this tunnel...

...and I'm sorry you don't, I am.

But it's there.

And if you come with me, I can take you to it.

- Sam, be smart. - I am smart, and so are you.

You're not a grunt, Dean, you're a genius.

When it comes to lore, to... You're the best hunter I've ever seen. Better than me...

...better than dad. I believe in you, Dean...

...so please, please believe in me too.

- Hey. Sammy? - Ugh. Unh.

Sam?

- You okay? - Unh!

I'm good. I'm okay.

I can do this.