Original subtitles

Nope. Y'all need to get on somewhere else.

This bus is out of...

Do you even know how to drive a bus?

Uh, it's just like a big car, right?

Bank robbers, 12 o'clock.

12 o'clock?

I go away for one week

and you start talking like Captain America?

SPIDER-MAN: Too formal?

Then let's try a little bit

- of the old swing and sting. - Classic.

SPIDER-MAN: Hello.

Looks like you guys got a bug on your windshield.

Surprise!

Ta-da!

There we go. A reminder to the police

to press charges for bank robbery.

And for clearly driving without a bus license.

SPIDER-MAN: Team-up, team-up

Who is awesome and having a team-up?

So, you sing now?

Working together puts me in a great mood.

Come on, I've barely seen you, Gwen, or Anya

since your started going on your college tours.

But it sounds like things haven't been boring without us.

Now, let me get this straight.

Max is temporarily suspended from Horizon High?

Yeah, for working on the V-252 Symbiote again.

Dr. Connors wants him permanently out.

The yearbook's sure gonna be filled

with some strange memories this year.

You gotta start looking past school.

I know you're busy as Spider-Man,

but think about your future.

Life after Horizon.

Well, in our immediate future,

I'm thinking... that I'm late!

Aunt May invited our new neighbor over,

and May is not so much with the being late.

Um, bye?

Mask, pants, shirt.

If Aunt May's ice-cream cake melts before I...

Peter, are you coming down?

What's taking so long?

Uh, be right there!

What was that?

I am Groot!

Groot?

How long have you been in there?

And what did you see?

- Huh? - I am Groot.

What did you say, Peter?

- I am... - Uh, I said,

I am scoot... ing...

downstairs. Just one minute.

I need you to be quiet and hide so my aunt doesn't see you.

There's no way I can explain

why I have a tree alien in my closet.

I am Groot!

Spider-Man, this is Star-Lord.

Yes, the Star-Lord.

I have urgent, vital, world-threatening info

for you that you must act on immediately,

in less than 24 hours...

What? What urgent info?

Why does Star-Lord

always use tech older than Aunt May's flip phone?

- I am Groot! - Peter.

- Ah! - We have a guest.

Stop. That is not a toy.

I am Groot.

I am Groot!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Whoa.

Where's the fire, tiger?

Peter, this is Mary Jane Watson,

Anna's niece. Anna's running late.

Actually, everyone calls me MJ.

Uh, I am Groot. Uh... Peter. I'm Peter.

Why don't we go to the kitchen

and talk over homemade ice-cream cake?

No! Uh, um, no.

I have a better idea.

Why don't we all go to the couch instead,

and look at my baby pictures?

Why would Mary Jane want to see those?

Uh, why wouldn't she? Babies are cute.

Everybody loves babies.

But Peter, that's kind of weird.

Yep. Definitely the weirdest thing

happening in this house right now.

Look, a young Senor Trunks. Aw.

Senor Trunks?

Huh? Oh.

Oh!

Oh!

I think I need a glass of water. I'm parched.

Oh. Uh...

Groot, you are killing me here.

Ooh. I am Groot!

Peter, what did you do to the cake?

Uh, it just looked so good, I, uh, had to eat it right away.

Hey, what's that thing?

Huh? I can explain.

I think it's called a fork.

You might want to use one next time.

Oh, no.

There's a boring emergency at Horizon High.

Really nice to meet you, MJ.

I am Groot!

Miles, I really need your help.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

Oh, this can't be good.

Groot here is an alien friend. Literally all he says is...

I am Groot.

Which means something different

if you understand his language, which I don't.

So, he isn't Groot?

No, he is Groot, but also, to humans,

his language only sounds like he's saying, "I am Groot."

I am Groot?

So, he could be saying,

"Why can't you people understand me?"

Or, "Miles, your dancing skills are known across the galaxy."

Uh, yeah, exactly.

He brought a tape recorder with an urgent, vital message

that we have to act on immediately, but,

well, he's currently wearing it.

Groot came all the way from outer space,

but uses cassette tapes?

Oh, you have no idea.

I need your help to decode Groot's language

so he can tell us what was on the tape.

Oh, I can't. I have a date later.

A date? You?

Kidding. I'm never doing anything.

This universal translator is the best thing we have

at Horizon to turn Groot-speak into English.

I am Groot.

Okay, "I am Groot" translates into...

"I am Groot."

Ooh, oh, okay. Three words. Got it.

Ugh. He's gonna do charades for "I am Groot," isn't he?

Ugh, don't know why I didn't think of this earlier.

He can literally draw what the urgent message is.

If Horizon can't do it, Tony Stark has to be able to.

Mr. Stark, great.

We could really use some Iron Man help right now.

Oof, you're 0-2, kid.

I'm Not Tony, and this isn't Iron Man.

Code name's Ironheart. And you must be Spider-Man.

Uh, Spider-Men?

Ironheart?

Am I not up on new Avengers or something?

Technically, I'm an Avenger intern.

There's an internship program?

Why didn't anybody tell me about this?

I applied last year.

Dude, you have got to expand your horizons.

My real name's Riri.

It's nice to meet you.

If that voice of Tony Stark coming from your armor

isn't Tony, who is it?

I told you, PJs, I'm Not Tony.

Yeah, but who are you?

Not Tony.

I am so confused.

He's my AI system. His name is literally Not Tony

'cause he's not Tony.

Maybe I can help you.

This is Groot.

We need Stark tech to decode an urgent message.

I am Groot.

Wow. A real alien life form.

What... Hey! You can't just...

I've always wanted to examine an alien.

We need to alert the Space Administration.

Not Tony, put in a call.

He doesn't need to be studied.

He needs to be translated.

Here's something rarely said. Spider-Man has a point.

I'm just following protocol.

Besides, we don't have an alien language translator at the tower,

but the Space Administration might.

So, call, and until they get here,

I'll see if this little guy...

Groot's not a science experiment.

We need to understand his language.

Oh, they got here fast.

We're from Space Administration.

We received a call from this location.

Yes, sirs. We encountered this alien and...

SPIDER-MAN: And we need you to translate his language.

Can you guys do that?

Check your scans, kiddo.

What? What was that for?

These people aren't who they say they are.

Our cover is compromised.

- AIM agents? - Give us the alien. Now!

I am Groot.

I have no idea what you just said,

but I totally agree.

Hand over the alien.

Sorry, guys.

They tapped our call to the Space Administration.

You're sorry?

I almost handed Groot over to these evil scientists.

Can you two try to out-apologize each other later?

Not a good time.

The alien. Now!

We heard you the first time, and here's our answer.

You built this suit.

Are you trying to break it, too?

Don't need your judging while I'm fighting, Not Tony.

Watch your aim.

And I mean that in two different ways, Riri.

'Cause you're aiming and they're from... Never mind.

Who programmed you to make bad word-play?

You know, you can go away.

Ugh. I wanted him off. Not in French.

It's too dangerous out here.

Time for you to go play hide-and-seek.

I am Groot.

Where's the little guy?

SPIDER-MAN: I made sure he got to safety.

I am Groot!

Sacre bleu.

Follow that alien!

Stick around, guys.

That little sapling belongs to us.

I tracked the Iron Man boot over here.

Great.

A toddler alien with a short attention span

on the loose in New York City.

We can still track him by his unique energy signature.

You did do a spectro-analysis of his DNA, right?

Yes.

No. Was I supposed to?

Well, it would've been massively helpful.

We were busy trying to decode his urgent message,

which we're running out of time to do.

Oops.

Forgot I put Not Tony in French.

Finally. I can't believe not one of you took Francais.

Listen, I finally got in contact

with the Space Administration, the real Space Administration.

And they don't have a way to translate

- Groot's language, either. -

So, no one can?

I didn't say that.

There's one person who might be able to help us.

Doctor Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme.

That can't be real.

You just made that name up.

Strange is a master of the mystic arts,

and should have the ability to translate languages

from any place or dimension.

We need him.

We need Groot.

Otherwise, we have nothing to translate.

SPIDER-MAN: We need to do both, or we'll run out of time.

We'll find Groot.

Miles, you look for Doctor Weirdo.

- Strange. - Hmm? What did I say?

Do not tell me you lost track of the alien.

I'm sorry, sir.

We encountered unexpected resistance.

As I've so often pointed out,

technology has its limitations.

I will track the alien in a more effective manner.

But if you use your tracking spell,

won't that be problematic?

You fear a certain someone will discover what we're doing?

I am not afraid of him.

Behold!

Groot? Groot!

There's gotta be a more efficient way

to look for him than this.

Just have to keep our eyes open for commotion.

A lot of commotion.

So, what program are you and Miles a part of?

SPIDER-MAN: Program? Oh, no, we're just friends with powers.

Hmm. I don't have a whole lot of those.

Or any.

I don't have many friends without powers.

Having a personal life is hard, right?

I mean, when you're a superhero.

I try to spend as much time with my friends as I can.

Because, well, you never know how much time

you're gonna have with someone.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I, um, lost my stepdad.

In an accident.

SPIDER-MAN: I understand. I lost my uncle.

So, the way I see it, if I've got these powers...

You should do whatever you can to prevent anyone else

from losing someone they love?

Yeah. You and I might have a lot in common.

Maybe we should start our own program, huh?

"Friend with Powers."

That thing's a nightmare!

SPIDER-MAN: Groot's footprints. This way!

Ironheart, over here.

Ice cream. Groot loves ice cream.

I am Groot!

Well, this is the address Phony Stark gave me.

But this does not look like the home

of a powerful sorcerer.

Or a home at all.

Ow.

Whoa. That's real magic.

Okay.

Who's a good magical, terrifying kitty?

You are. Please don't hurt me!

Of course. A guy named Doctor Strange

isn't gonna have a guard dog.

He has to have a nightmare cat.

Oh, man. First, an incomprehensible alien shows up,

then AIM tries to blast us to smithereens,

and now I gotta fight an evil magic panther protecting a sorcerer's house?

I hate Wednesdays!

Tell me more about this...

incomprehensible alien.

Huh?

I am Groot.

SPIDER-MAN: There you are.

Thanks for babysitting.

He wasn't too much trouble, was he?

You're is no position to make jokes.

Thanks for the opportunity to test my new armor upgrade.

Hey, get back here.

You forgot to get defeated.

I am Groot!

Time for a ride, Groot.

I am Groot!

Serious question.

How do you guys even tell each other apart?

Oh!

I really hope Miles found that wizard.

A sentence I didn't think I would say today.

SPIDER-MAN: Um, are you doing this, Riri?

Yeah, suddenly I'm a magician.

Pick a number from one to ten.

No, I'm not doing this!

Greetings, pathetic so-called heroes.

I am the great sorcerer Baron Mordo.

I believe you're familiar with my current cohorts...

AIM.

And this, of course, must be the alien known as Groot.

Huh?

I am Groot.

AIM is working with a sorcerer?

There are way more than the zero sorcerers

I thought there were.

Isn't AIM supposed to be strictly all about science?

I can hear you.

AIM and I have allied for a singular purpose,

the capture of this unique

and soon-to-be very useful alien.

Mordo!

By the all-seeing Eye of Agamotto,

you will stand down.

No! Not now.

Guys, this is Doctor Strange, and his name is totally accurate.

Listen to the outrageous things he says.

I summon the Winds of Watoomb!

See?

Right back into the fight.

I like your battle strategy, Spidey.

I like that you think I have a strategy.

Yo, Ironheart, wrecking ball!

I felt a disturbance in Earth's mystical fields, Mordo.

Someone using a tracking spell to follow an alien life-from.

When this young man informed me of Groot's arrival,

I realized the only sorcerer foolish enough

to hunt such a creature was you.

You think I didn't realize you would discover me?

I do not fear you!

What are you and these amoral scientists up to

that requires a flora creature from Planet X?

You could never imagine

the severity of the plans I have laid!

Magic, aliens, and beating back AIM?

This will look so good on our superhero resumes.

You have a superhero resume?

Is that a thing? Oh!

Can I put "funny quips" down as a special skill?

You shouldn't lie on your resume.

Aw.

I'll grab Groot.

Wait! It's not safe!

By the seven rings of Raggadorr...

I banish thee to the Unknown Realms!

No!

Scanners aren't picking up traces of either of them.

This is all for the greater good.

Mine.

Groot! Give him back.

Um, that went south real quick.

SPIDER-MAN: Yeah. Let's keep this off our superhero resumes.