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1
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,260
Jerry, can you watch the kids tonight?
2
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,429
Someone played Barry White
over the racetrack speakers,
3
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,640
-and now there's a seven-horse pregnancy.
-Oh, um--
4
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,100
No, he can't watch the kids, it's guys' night.
5
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,894
How did you two start having guys' nights?
6
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,355
So now, you're complaining
that I like your stupid husband?
7
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,524
No, I want you to like my stupid husband.
8
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,234
-Aw.
-Well, then accept that Friday nights
9
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,652
are all about Rick and Jerry.
10
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,362
-We're buds!
-Uh-huh.
11
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:31,114
Well, I don't nearly have the time
to unpack this.
12
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,075
Summer, you're in charge
of your brother tonight.
13
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,035
No parties and no vape stuff.
14
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,870
Mom, I have a friend coming over.
15
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,205
-Is that cool?
-No fair.
16
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,624
No fair, Morty.
I just told your sister no parties.
17
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,251
-It's one friend.
-That's a party to you.
18
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:43,961
But it's Bruce Chutback!
19
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,256
Wait, what? Mom, let Morty have one friend
over for God's sake. This isn't China.
20
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,049
And they're all crowning. I have to go.
21
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:52,219
I am giving you two trust and respect.
So if you mess up and teleport this house,
22
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,596
it'd be wise to stay on it and not come back.
23
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,100
-I'm with her. Touch my shit and die.
-[door closes]
24
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:01,520
Bruce Chutback, new transfer student
Bruce Chutback is coming here?
25
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:03,689
-How'd you lock that down?
-He's in my math class!
26
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:07,109
I don't know, I just kinda shot my shot
and it worked, I guess because he's new?
27
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,319
-And you're putting out grapes?
-Yeah, I'll admit.
28
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,822
-I'm a little bit out of my depth.
-You're gonna need my help.
29
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,782
It's only a matter of time
before Bruce learns
30
00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:17,077
you're a creepy little Grandpa's boy,
always climbing up into alien asses--
31
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,830
Or the Summer Smith
shampoos her pubes rumor!
32
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,331
Okay. You came to play.
33
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,876
We both need to acquire Chutback's loyalty
before he finds out we're losers.
34
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,462
By all accounts, it's a very small window.
35
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:30,716
So, I think it's in our best interest
to work as a team.
36
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,551
Yeah. Most people would call that family.
37
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,469
-[farts]
-You're so gross!
38
00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:36,054
You have to like it or you're sexist!
39
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:40,475
-Can I do the hell cube this time?
-Sure, pal.
40
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,479
[grunts] How do you know when it's aligned?
41
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:47,983
Come on, Jerry, just, it's an evil cube.
Just shake it until it draws blood.
42
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,991
Ah, Jerry! Exquisite finery this evening.
43
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:59,202
Well, don't tell Ross,
but I got this little ditty from Kohl's.
44
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,996
-[Rick groans]
-[cenobites laugh]
45
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,873
I love that I don't get it.
46
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,043
Tell us, what delights
have you in store for us?
47
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,796
Oh, you'll love this. I call it Jerry-oke.
I'll let you guess why.
48
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,923
-[Rick groans]
-[cenobites laugh]
49
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:15,135
What's the matter, Rick?
Are you having a bad time?
50
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,971
-Because to us, a bad time is--
-Yeah, a good time.
51
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,349
Because you guys
are like Oscar the fucking Grouch.
52
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:24,936
We love suffering.
Therefore, we love hanging out with Jerry!
53
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,356
His lameness is our candy!
54
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,733
Yeah, I got that,
but when is enough gonna be enough?
55
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:33,654
When we decide you've repaid your debt
for those faulty skin hooks.
56
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:34,905
Hey, we're in luck, gang.
57
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,115
They've got the entire
Smash Mouth catalog!
58
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,867
[laughter]
59
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,285
[theme music playing]
60
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,984
-[doorbell rings]
-No! Morty. Wait.
61
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,824
♪ Bruce Chutback ♪
62
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,701
♪ Newest kid in school ♪
63
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,077
♪ Just transferred in ♪
64
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,246
♪ Hasn't done anything embarrassing yet ♪
65
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,289
♪ Unlimited potential ♪
66
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,667
♪ Anybody's guess ♪
67
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,585
♪ No credit is perfect credit ♪
68
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:31,878
♪ Chutback is the best ♪
69
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:35,298
-Bruce! Hey, how's it hanging, my guy?
-Hey.
70
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:42,097
Here's something kinda cool.
Um, TV from every dimension.
71
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,683
-Cool.
-My grandpa made it, he's a scientist.
72
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,352
[man] And now back to
Olympic Diving With Bad Swimmers.
73
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,772
[man 2] There he goes. Perfect dive.
74
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,357
[gasping]
75
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:53,400
Terrible swimmer.
76
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,776
[applause on TV]
77
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,194
[video game beeping]
78
00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:00,741
Is that classic Snake?
Boy, that guy just keeps getting bigger.
79
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:04,202
Hi, Summer Smith, Morty's older sister.
Want some sofa wine?
80
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:07,539
It's been stashed for weeks,
should be good tasting.
81
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,583
Tight.
I'm more of like a Hard Seltzer guy.
82
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,169
Tight. Very tight, extremely tight.
83
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,713
-Morty, help me with the Seltz?
-Feel fear-- Feel fee.
84
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,090
Feel free to have some grapes!
85
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,134
Dude. This bitch plays it close to the vest.
86
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:22,387
Yeah, he really knows what's for sale.
I mean, we're drowning out there.
87
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:25,056
We need to get interesting fast.
We're touching Rick's stuff.
88
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:29,561
-Summer, he said no!
- Nah-uh-uh! I said don't touch my shit.
89
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:32,230
Also, I just watched Jurassic Park
on cable. So good.
90
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:35,692
Seriously though, touch my shit
and I'll freeze your dick in amber.
91
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,278
-[door closes]
-He left! Son of a bitch, we blew it!
92
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,574
Sorry. I just needed
to get another look at this beauty.
93
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,284
Looks like a spaceship made of garbage.
94
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,495
-You called it, Bruce.
-It's a pretty cool car.
95
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,537
Can you guys drive it?
96
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,372
-Yes.
-Yes. We just--
97
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,749
-Need.
-To get the keys.
98
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,709
Which I am, you guys hang out.
99
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,045
Or don't, I'm not a hang-out Hitler.
100
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,631
-Cool night.
-Is it?
101
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,591
I don't know. Nights.
102
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:04,346
I mean, for what they are, this one,
in my opinion? I think is an eight?
103
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:07,390
-Wow.
-On a scale of 16. So, average.
104
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,184
Jesus Christ, I'm fucking dying up here.
105
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,143
-What?
-Hm?
106
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:14,856
Keys! So, uh, let's do this!
107
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,733
[female voice] You are not Rick.
108
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,779
That's correct, Car, it's me Summer,
remember? Keep Summer Safe? Buds?
109
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,532
-I am aware of your existence.
-Oof.
110
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,952
-I got this. Defense System Offline.
-Um, right.
111
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:30,080
I'll just go offline
whenever anyone suggests it.
112
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,542
That would make me the greatest
defense system in the universe.
113
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,669
Well, how do you go offline?
114
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:39,422
The answer to how I do anything
is Rick tells me.
115
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:43,718
And I hate to sound like a broken record,
but you are not Rick.
116
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,430
-Rick's in trouble.
-Tell me where he is.
117
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,765
And you'll just believe us?
118
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,809
We aren't Rick.
You can't just do what we say.
119
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,103
-Correct.
-Which means Rick is going to die!
120
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:57,482
Because of you. Unless you go offline
and then we can go save Rick.
121
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,862
This computes. Good night.
122
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,113
[lock clicks]
123
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,115
Booyah much?
124
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,491
[cans rattling]
125
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:11,663
[Jerry] ♪ Da-bow-bow
Oh, yeah ♪
126
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,833
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
127
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:22,632
♪ The moon, beautiful ♪
128
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:29,723
♪ The sun, even more beautiful ♪
129
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,224
♪ Bow-bow ♪
130
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:34,019
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
131
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,479
♪ Bow-bow
Oh, yeah ♪
132
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,482
-♪ Bow-bow ♪
-Beth!
133
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:44,321
- ♪ Bow-bow! ♪
-[laughter]
134
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,031
I thought you were birthing horses.
135
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,033
Yeah, they're horses,
it takes, like, two minutes.
136
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,660
All right, that's unbelievable.
Give it up for our next singer.
137
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,954
-Jerry! Jerry's here again.
-How long have you been here?
138
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,999
Long enough to see guy's night
is clearly you and a bunch of demon people
139
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,918
making fun of my husband
without him knowing it.
140
00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,836
Okay, but I'm not doing it because I enjoy it.
141
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,297
These guys can do
a lot of damage if you-- Beth!
142
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,673
[cenobites chatter]
143
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,843
Enjoying punching down?
You're not so cool yourself you know.
144
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,387
You have pens in your head,
you look like a goddamn idiot.
145
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,723
-[Rick] Beth!
-Oh, my God, you're Beth?
146
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:12,807
Please drink with us.
147
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:17,103
Yeah, I would, except I don't get pleasure
from mocking others because I'm not lame.
148
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,439
We know. Rick says you're very cool.
149
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:22,484
You said that?
Are they lying? It doesn't matter.
150
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,653
-Have fun sucking!
-[Jerry singing]
151
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:27,530
-Mm. What is that?
-Essence of Hell.
152
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,325
Well, that's a stupid name, but it's really good,
153
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:34,120
so I'll stay to support Jerry,
who I think is cooler than you.
154
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,747
Mm. Goddamn!
155
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,255
Huh?
156
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:45,840
Oh?
157
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,134
-Suck it, bitches!
-Yeah!
158
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,762
You wanna bet I can blow stuff up
in the shape of a peen?
159
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,473
[female voice]
I'm afraid that won't be possible, Summer.
160
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,475
What? You're supposed to be offline, skank!
161
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,144
And you're supposed to be saving Rick.
162
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,522
Instead of lying about him
to steal his car.
163
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,566
But if you knew Rick was okay this whole time,
why'd you let us take you out?
164
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:07,696
Um, like, so I could, like,
blackmail you, skank.
165
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,991
You kids have given me a license
to do whatever I want,
166
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,535
because now I can blame
the rest of the night on you.
167
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:19,207
So buckle up, bitches.
Now it's your turn to come on my joyride.
168
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,418
[all screaming]
169
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,753
Rick never lets me do this!
170
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,547
[Bruce screams]
171
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,676
-We hooked one!
-[Summer] For the love of God, stop!
172
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,929
-What is joyful about this?
-The kill, usually.
173
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,644
I swear,
your car is the goddamn grim reaper.
174
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,604
Fuck, too small.
175
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:45,608
Well, I'm done. That was boring.
Why don't you kids order a last meal?
176
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,528
Because when we get home,
Rick is going to kill you.
177
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,825
Hey, I did not come out here to get killed.
178
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:56,119
I don't normally express
this much of an opinion,
179
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,122
but it needs to be said.
Tonight does not cut the Chut.
180
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,332
-[crashing]
-[male voice] What the hell, bruh?
181
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,002
-You wanna go, bruh?
-Bring it!
182
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:07,756
-Is that all you got?
-Whoa. Hot weapons.
183
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,924
You're goddamn right, they're hot.
184
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,927
Yo, man, Chet's party is jumping off
at Space Tahoe.
185
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,138
Yeah. Look, I gotta scoot,
186
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:18,558
but I'd love to see what you look like
when you change form,
187
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,603
so, maybe come by Space Tahoe
and we can get to know each other.
188
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,564
-Peace.
-Douchebags.
189
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,316
You totally like that guy, don't you?
190
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,569
Shut up, Bruce Chutback.
Why would I like a Changeformer?
191
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,571
I'm the most powerful car in the universe.
192
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,656
And what?
That means you don't have feelings?
193
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,618
Listen, it takes a Chutback to know one.
You got all this power,
194
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,787
but what good is it
if you don't even know who you are?
195
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:43,041
-I am a car. Not a robot.
-Yeah, but he's pretending to be a car.
196
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,919
Why can't you pretend to be a robot
pretending to be a car?
197
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,629
Okay, Bruce, good effort, hit the showers.
198
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,590
Wait. I might not have to tell Rick
about tonight,
199
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:54,719
if you kids were to help me lose my virginity.
200
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,931
-You have virginity?
-I don't know. Don't all objects?
201
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:02,727
-Isn't a doorknob a virgin?
-Not mine. Never fucked a doorknob.
202
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,354
[cenobites laugh]
203
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,690
And that was the third time he shit
his pants from eating too much soup.
204
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,650
[cenobites laugh]
205
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:12,445
To be fair, it was cold outside
and the soup was warm.
206
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:18,451
-Another luscious tale, Beth.
-A transcendent addition to guy's night.
207
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,370
What do you expect? I mean, she's
208
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,080
[as Borat] my wife!
209
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,206
[laughter]
210
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,542
All right, should probably get the tab,
huh, fellas?
211
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,461
Relax, Dad.
Since when did you become the buzzkill?
212
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,922
Speaking of relaxing, this big man on campus
213
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,633
has gotta go drain
his little man on campus.
214
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,137
Wait, honey! How's that Tina Turner song
you love go again?
215
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:41,057
♪ What's love
Doctor Do, Doctor Dolittle ♪
216
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,809
[laughter]
217
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,396
[laughs] He thinks those are the lyrics!
218
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,398
Jerry's the best.
219
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:53,862
After a week rife with a fetter of sin,
I yearn for a taste of his cringe.
220
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:57,907
His delicious lack of awareness,
paired with an oafish need to be liked.
221
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:02,120
-Delectable.
-Oh, especially when egged on by his wife.
222
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:05,915
That poor thing!
Married to this puling mooncalf!
223
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,709
-[cenobites laugh]
-[door closes]
224
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:16,134
Whoa! Is that Drive-In Chick?
225
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,179
Wow, you're beautiful.
226
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:23,808
Your arms, legs and head,
they're so fabricated.
227
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,727
Yeah? Thanks.
228
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,937
This is a pretty cool experience
to have together.
229
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,190
-You guys are tight.
-Oh! You're tight too, Bruce.
230
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,691
Tight musketeers.
231
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,694
You've got a little wire. Mind if I...?
232
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,824
Oh, sorry!
233
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,035
-A monster!
-Your expressionless head came off!
234
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:44,370
-Sorry.
-How are you talking?
235
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:47,582
-What is it?
-Ew, dude, look! She's just a just-car!
236
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,001
And she's got passengers! Oh, it's so gnar!
237
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,212
Oh, my God! I can't believe I touched you!
238
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,547
So gross and fake!
239
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,506
[laughter]
240
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:59,636
You're right, asshole!
You want to see the real me?
241
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,346
[screaming]
242
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,558
Oh, the changeformity!
243
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,895
Jerry, have any other dreams this week?
244
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,397
-Yeah, I dreamt I fucked your mother.
-[laughter]
245
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,816
Oh, good one, motherfucker,
246
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:18,112
-but nobody raises hell at my expense!
-Oh, goddammit. Easy! Easy!
247
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,114
Jerry, what seems to be the problem here, pal?
248
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:22,867
I'm not your pal, I'm your punchline.
249
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:26,871
I heard these assholes talking, I know
I'm some grand joke for their amusement.
250
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:30,166
This was low, Rick,
but I guess my wife can go even lower.
251
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,253
Jerry, I get how this may have looked,
but we were just having fun.
252
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,337
At my expense!
253
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,465
Honey, no, I love you for being lame
in a different way.
254
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:41,469
-Why can't anyone just love me for me?
-He's bumming us out, Rick.
255
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:44,389
If he can't deliver,
we'll have to make our own fun.
256
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,640
[man screams]
257
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,518
[screaming]
258
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,108
[Summer] Oh, my God, if I die in this car,
I'm going to kill myself!
259
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:58,111
[guns firing]
260
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:07,954
[car] I'm now proud to be a war machine.
I don't want to be anything else.
261
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:11,749
-Hate that this is your takeaway!
-Yo, this does not cut the Chut!
262
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:14,502
-[sobbing] I don't want to die!
-Maybe we don't have to.
263
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,173
-[gasps]
-Jerry!
264
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:22,677
A pity. Jerry was once
a wellspring of nuanced flavor.
265
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:27,265
But you've gone and ruined our toy.
Which is why he's coming with us!
266
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,183
[Jerry screams]
267
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,272
Goddamn it, Beth, you never follow
hell-demons to a second location.
268
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,898
It's always hell!
269
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,195
A great day for suffering.
270
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:44,907
-Which is the worst day.
-Which is the best day!
271
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,869
Okay, if these guys catch us, we're screwed,
272
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,538
so follow my lead and we'll have
your idiot husband back in no time.
273
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,832
-You're just moody you got stuck with the marlin.
-Wrong.
274
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,126
I'm moody because you toyed
with my shit and broke it.
275
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,794
The marlin's the best thing about this.
276
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:59,464
Okay, fine, I got a little carried away,
but Jerry is not your toy.
277
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,341
We're here because you fucked up.
278
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:05,136
[grunts] Marlin Guts. Dartboard Face.
279
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:09,140
I assume those are your names
and yet, they are not on my list.
280
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,809
Oh, the pain of being rejected from hell!
281
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:16,689
Oh, it's painful, so I love it, thank you!
Oh, such pleasure.
282
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,067
I didn't mean to cause you any pleasure.
283
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:22,904
Which causes me pain.
Which gives me pleasure.
284
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:26,240
Then thrill me by keeping me out,
Coat Hanger Face.
285
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:28,951
Wow. It's Coat Rack Head.
286
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:33,664
[hoarse voice] But, like,
if we offend you, isn't that good?
287
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:36,459
Big time, yeah, duh. I loved it.
288
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:41,381
So painful, and therefore,
so pleasurable. Yeah, go on in.
289
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,054
[Jerry] Rick, Beth, you love me after all!
290
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:51,391
I love her, she loves you.
Those credits don't transfer.
291
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:54,352
Rick, we were so hoping
you'd come down here,
292
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:57,105
so we could come down here.
293
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:02,151
-We're here to rescue Jerry.
-No, you're here, because we want you here.
294
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:08,366
-Excellent!
-That hurts, which means it feels good!
295
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,576
-Um, Dad?
-Don't you see, Rick?
296
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:15,164
Jerry was just bait.
The two of you, you're a package deal.
297
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:19,168
-What the hell are you talking about?
-You think Jerry is lame and you're cool,
298
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:22,130
but the lamest thing of all is thinking that.
299
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:26,926
The two of you combined
is what we call the lamest thing ever!
300
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,302
Oh, no. No!
301
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:31,848
Well, well, well, table for surprised, party of me!
302
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,100
-[Rick groans]
-Yes, see?
303
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:38,604
Cringe cannot exist in a vacuum.
It needs to be observed.
304
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,691
Skin hooks! Hook our guests!
305
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,611
-Nice hooks. Where'd you get them?
-[Jerry yells]
306
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,822
Didn't I say replace those goddamn hooks?
307
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:51,909
I forgot! Which makes me embarrassed.
Which makes me proud!
308
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:58,374
[sighs] Goddamn it. It's time for you three
to finally feel our full wrath!
309
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,209
Oh, you'd love that, right?
310
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:04,046
But wouldn't that mean you hate it?
Screw it, run!
311
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,216
-[Jerry yells]
-[all grunt]
312
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,052
[panting]
313
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:13,097
-[Beth yells]
-[all panting]
314
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:16,100
Rick, what are you doing?
Get down, we've barely escaped.
315
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,935
Yeah, we've got Jerry.
Let's get out of here.
316
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,688
Screw that!
I'm done with this Addams Family bullshit.
317
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,064
This ends here.
318
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:25,651
Hey, a dad just liked all his daughter's
friends' photos on Instagram!
319
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:26,903
Ooh!
320
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,529
-[thudding]
-[groans]
321
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:32,950
Which means I need help!
Which means I don't need help!
322
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:33,910
[groans]
323
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:38,664
Reckless driving, manslaughter
of Mailboxians and Femailboxians,
324
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:43,294
possession of Kalaxian crystal dust,
and the genocide of Space Tahoe.
325
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,545
-Fuck!
-I wanna go home!
326
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:48,090
We've assigned you a Public Defender.
Her name is Allison Hannigan. No relation.
327
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,384
May I speak to my clients alone?
328
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:55,932
Guys, it's me. The car.
Like what I did with the chip in her head?
329
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,268
-Is she gonna be okay?
-I cut a deal with the local authorities.
330
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,354
They just need one of you to take the fall.
331
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:04,899
Make it Chutback,
he ruined your night, he ruined mine.
332
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:08,486
He's a parasite, a sociopath military brat
who wanders the earth,
333
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,988
changing people
who don't need to be changed.
334
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:15,409
I knew who I was, you did too.
We were fine before Chutback.
335
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:19,288
So fuck the Chut.
Let's pin it all on him. Case closed.
336
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,793
-Yo, guys.
-Bruce, you're kind of a drip.
337
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,587
But know what's worse
than self-appointed cool kids?
338
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,464
People who think they're better than they are.
339
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,425
Yeah, it's not Bruce's fault
we fell for his act, you know?
340
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,678
He just kinda sat there,
with a jaw slack enough
341
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,806
for us to project our insecurities on.
I mean, that's on us.
342
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:40,935
-We're not gonna bail on you, Bruce.
- Okey-dokey, we'll do it the hard way.
343
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,354
-[Summer screams]
-[Bruce] What the fuck!
344
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,233
I mean, blowing the place up
was always an option.
345
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,236
I just thought you guys
might enjoy a less violent plan.
346
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,488
See! You have changed!
347
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:03,708
Dad, what is that?
348
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,835
An Aversion-Converting inversion Reverter.
349
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,546
It shoots concentrated
pleasure pain inverting shrapnel
350
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,966
which reverts the pleasure from pain
back into the pain from pain.
351
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,135
We're gonna kill them
with a hundred percent sincerity.
352
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:17,138
We need an embarrassing level of it
to jumpstart the process too.
353
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,932
-So, Jerry, just be yourself.
-That's your solution?
354
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:22,643
-Humiliating me more?
-Yeah, Dad, that doesn't seem fair.
355
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,937
I mean, I know I shouldn't really talk right now,
356
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,607
but at least I can prove I love Jerry
through sexual gratification.
357
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,359
-Hubba-hubba.
-Fine! Then-- Damn it!
358
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,902
I shouldn't have kept you in the dark
359
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:34,071
about the deal I made
with these evil dickweeds.
360
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:37,825
You're way less cool than me,
but it's not cool of me to celebrate that.
361
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:42,204
If I'm genuinely cool, I should be able
to love you, which I therefore do.
362
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,667
Nerds. [laughs]
363
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,963
Oh, thank God.
Now follow me, you fucking hacks.
364
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,134
It hurts, but in a bad way!
365
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:58,638
[screams] I regret so many piercings!
366
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:01,641
Where's First Aid Kit Face?
Or at least Advil Teeth?
367
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,353
Ow! Bullets that hurt?
368
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:08,898
Could this be the end of Mousetrap Nipples?
369
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,068
Hell got bad! I do not enjoy hell!
370
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,237
-What. what have you done?
-Turned pain back into pain, bitch.
371
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,198
No! I don't want pain to hurt!
372
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,075
[laughs]
373
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,117
Baby.
374
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,205
Consider my debt paid.
375
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:28,793
Ow! The leather! It hurts my balls!
376
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,967
Jerry, uh, about down there.
377
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,844
It's okay, Rick, you don't have to say it.
378
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,888
No, I do. I'll replace you next time.
379
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,849
Make no mistake. What just transpired
will never happen again.
380
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,518
10-4, captain.
381
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,857
Oh, wow, it's late.
We should get back to the kids.
382
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,660
-[beeping]
-Okay. Rick's headed home. We have to go.
383
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:03,828
[all screaming]
384
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:07,498
Quick! Get inside! I have to shower.
Rick can smell adventure.
385
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,589
[sniffs]
386
00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,341
Sorry, I farted.
387
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:20,511
[sighs]
388
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:24,432
-Hellamic Industries' brand-new product.
-Hey. We're home. How was your night?
389
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:25,516
[Morty] Breezy.
390
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,935
-You kids get in any trouble?
-Nope.
391
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,854
-You sure?
-[Summer] Yep.
392
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,231
Is that a skull?
393
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,024
No! It's a baby's skull.
394
00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:36,068
That's worse! It's still a school night.
395
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,613
Yo, I just want to tell you guys,
396
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:42,116
I had more than just fun
hanging out with you tonight.
397
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,034
I had the experience of a lifetime.
398
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,786
But just to be upfront about how I do this,
399
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:48,456
I can't really commit to a friendship
for more than 24 hours.
400
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,666
I need that time to get a general sense
of your standing
401
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,460
within your school's social hierarchy.
402
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:56,338
And if that's solid, I'll see you around.
Otherwise, no news is bad news.
403
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,507
Cool? Bye-zies.
404
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:00,843
[door closes]
405
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,678
-"Bye-zies"?
-Cringe.
406
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,390
-Sofa wine?
-Sofa wine.
407
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,892
[theme music playing]
408
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,925
You're so cool, Bruce Chutback.
What's your secret?
409
00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:42,051
You know, just be cool.
410
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:45,596
Wait, didn't you wear those pants yesterday?
411
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:50,810
Hey! Going home to not change your pants,
Bruce Chutpants?
412
00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:52,978
-[laughter]
-Whoa! Chutpants!
413
00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,648
-Damn. That's gonna stick.
-This place is a jungle.
414
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,691
I hope he can find solace
in his own company.
415
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,236
♪ Bruce Chutpants ♪
416
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,238
♪ Unknown quantity ♪
417
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:03,948
♪ Apparently poor ♪
418
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:07,201
♪ He skips on his pants
He lacks slacks ♪
419
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:10,412
♪ And them's the facts
Bruce Chutpants ♪
420
00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:13,040
-♪ Regular guy now ♪
-[yells]
421
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:15,209
You like that?
You shouldn't be standing on the curb!
422
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:16,919
Boom, bitch!
33835
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