Original subtitles

Wh... Whoa. Whoa.

[footsteps approaching]

[plastic bag rustling]

[Carrie clears throat]

Jizzlord, please ask Carrie what these little red dots are.

Carrie, Jen wants to know...

Tell Jennifer those red dots are stickers,

and they denote everything that is my property,

and that if I bought it, she can't use it.

Jen, Carrie says...

Tell Carrie that I have bought loads of stuff for this flat.

Like…

Like this.

Carrie, Jen...

Well, tell Jennifer she can't have a red onion for breakfast.

Jen, Carrie says you can't have a red onion for breakfast.

Oh, yeah?

♪ This is who I am ♪

♪ This is what I do ♪

♪ This is who I am ♪

♪ Who the fuck are you? ♪

I'm just triple-checking that the consultation is still free.

Like, zero-pounds free?

Yeah... No, I know I called earlier. I...

No, I don't know what could possibly have changed since then, Denise.

You don't need to be sarcastic.

Are you going to that clinic today?

Yeah. First step to getting a power. Big day. All right, keys…

Could you give this to them?

- What is it? [stammers] - Bloods.

I thought they could do that "dina" testing.

There is so much of it.

Yeah, thanks.

Took me ages. Uh, I kept falling asleep.

[Jen] What... Do you mean DNA testing?

Probably, yeah.

Is that the thing where they tell you who your mum and dad are?

Usually, you just send your spit in the post.

Okay. Yeah.

- Uh, c-could you help me with that? - Not today.

You can't rely on me to help you all the time.

[door opens, closes]

[Seb on phone] Oh, holy crap! Yo, it's really... Oh, holy crap. Yo, it's...

[person on phone] Nerd!

- There I go. - [clamouring on phone]

This isn't healthy. You have to move on.

- [groans] - [Carrie] I think you feel guilty, right?

- [Kash] Mm-hmm. - So make amends.

Apologise to the people you've let down.

[Kash groans]

Please? Do it for me.

I miss my boyfriend.

[Kash] Really?

Yeah. He's pretty fun.

- And hot? - [Carrie] Oh, yeah.

He's got shiny, lustrous hair, dark eyes, rippling emotional maturity.

[groans] Okay. I'll do it for you.

[electrical appliance humming]

Have you brought the air fryer into the bed?

Then I don't need to go to the kitchen to make hash browns.

I'm struggling.

["Cracker Drool" playing]

♪ She lamented far from home ♪

♪ You flew straight to Mexico ♪

♪ Over the bridge and across the wall ♪

♪ Built around like cracker drool ♪

♪ Grab your gun and turn his hand ♪

♪ You're walking across The promised land ♪

♪ Settle down and drink your joe ♪

[Jen grunts]

[song fades, ends]

[paper punctures]

Hey.

Oh, thanks. [chuckles]

You've got a very smooth back.

Thank you.

My name's Hannah, by the way.

- Oh, mine's, uh... - Gem?

I can feel you tracing.

Uh, Jen. But close enough.

Did you just draw a penis?

[both chuckling]

Have you been here before?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, this is my monthly check-in.

Still no powers yet.

So awkward.

- Wait, are you 25? - Yeah.

Me too. [chuckles]

I haven't met anyone who's waited

- so long. [chuckles] - So long. [gasps]

You're like me.

[footsteps approaching]

Oh, good. You finished.

Here's the rest.

Medical history form, patient questionnaire.

You also need to write a short personal essay.

My hand slipped.

This is going to take me hours.

I know a much better room to do that in.

♪ Mummy, Daddy, look at me ♪

"Do you feel like your primary caregiver hugged you to a satisfactory degree?"

What kind of questions are these?

Oh, yeah. They get all up in your business.

They wanna talk about your trauma and your feelings.

Gross.

Isn't there, like, some experimental surgery they can do?

No. I asked.

- Why did you decide to go? - Honestly?

It's that pitying look they give you when you tell them.

Yeah, they look at me like I'm a sick hedgehog.

I just can't take it.

Do you know what the worst is? "It'll happen when you least expect it."

Oh, God. I hate that.

- Like, I am least expecting it right now. - Mm-hmm.

Anything? No.

[Hannah scoffs]

Do you want a proper drink?

No, I shouldn't. No, I need to return all this.

Okay.

I mean, a half is fine.

- It's just a half. - Just a little baby half.

- It's a half. - Just a half.

Why are you and Jen fighting?

Because we had an argument.

- Why? - Because Jen's a terrible person.

- Why? - Because she's selfish.

- Why? - I don't know. I'm not a therapist.

- Why? - I get too emotionally invested,

a-and I didn't do the right A levels.

Jen yelled at me this morning, and she wouldn't help me with my bloods.

We don't need Jen.

I think I do. She buys my food.

[moans, inhales deeply]

Our erotic jigsaw collection.

Me and Jen found these a few years ago,

and we've been working our way through them.

We made a whole night of it. Face masks. [in Latin accent] Margaritas.

[normal] I have a very precise system for jigsawing,

but Jen would just dive right in, and it would be chaos.

[chuckling] It would take us all night.

Would be a shame if we couldn't finish them together.

♪ Let's pass the time ♪

♪ Me and you, you and me ♪

♪ Let's pass the time just you and me ♪

[chattering, laughing]

♪ There's never ever been Two friends quite like we ♪

Oh.

♪ Let's pass the time just you and me ♪

You going somewhere?

Oh, no.

Well, yeah, Florida.

I've been a little afraid of the outside since the...

Since the bashing.

So, um, thought that I'd just take the plunge, literally.

I'm gonna go swim with the dolphins. Heard it's very therapeutic.

And they're fish, so I can summon them.

Dolphins are mammals, mate.

[plastic bag rustling]

I wanted to, uh, say sorry.

This means a lot.

Well… [chuckles]

Are those for the rest of the boys?

Yeah. [chuckles] Enjoy Florida.

Can I... Can I come see them with you?

I don't really wanna go anymore.

This is more of a solo effort.

Not a lad's farewell tour kind of thing.

If it were a lad's farewell tour kind of thing, we could get T-shirts made up.

But it's just like... like, everyone thinks they're better than you.

But it's just random. Like, it's all random.

And boom! You can fly.

Boom! You can heal people.

Boom! You can fucking talk to bread.

But you... You didn't do anything to earn that.

You don't deserve to know what bread's feeling.

Exactly, exactly. Like, it's just so unfair.

I feel like all the odds are stacked against us.

You know what I mean?

- [patron 1] Again. Do the first one. - [patron 2] I like that one.

- Come on. - Yeah.

[all cheering]

Wait, wait, wait. This is the best one.

- [patron 2] Yeah. - [patron 3] Yeah, do it.

[all cheering]

Yes, this one. Just keep it.

Oh, fuck off.

Right? I can do that. It's called a wig.

I dread to think what her pubes look like.

[Jen laughs]

[Jen] Do you ever feel it's like everyone is in this big secret club,

- and you're the only one not invited? - [Hannah] Totally.

We should just start a club, just you and me.

Yeah, and then they'll be the ones that's left out.

[Hannah] Yeah.

You are so pretty, by the way.

[Hannah gasps]

You're so pretty.

And I think... I think...

No, it is definitely not too soon to say this.

I think you are the Princess Diana of our generation.

Seriously.

I have been waiting my whole life for someone to say that to me.

- [footsteps approaching] - [door opens]

[drunk person retching, coughing]

- [Hannah] Oh? - [Jen] Someone's had too much.

[drunk person breathing heavily]

I dare you to cut off her ponytail.

- I can't do that. - Yes, you can.

She can fix it in a second.

["Opinion" playing]

♪ Your opinion don't mean none ♪ 'Cause we don't care ♪

[patron] It's something about the car for me.

Really? I'd love to see it. Um, I mean, what car do you drive?

[drunk person] What the hell?

♪ That's why your opinion Don't mean none ♪

[Hannah] Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry.

♪ Why? 'Cause I did not ask, no ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm not bothered What? ♪

♪ I don't give a fuck, no ♪

♪ If you don't think that I am lit Know I know myself, yeah ♪

[song ends]

[keys jingling]

[sighs]

[Martin] A cheese single at midnight?

- Jesus! - Come on. You're not recently divorced.

[groans]

Sorry, sorry.

It's just me. I thought I'd surprise you.

Don't spring him on me like some sort of grief Jack-in-the-box. Fucking hell.

I thought you'd wanna talk about how your consultation went.

I didn't finish it.

Jen. Why not?

Me and Hannah went to the pub. We lost track of time.

Plus, I'll go back, so…

Who's Hannah?

Hannah is my new friend.

Actually, she's my best friend, and she's really cool,

and she doesn't act like she's my mum.

Well, I've got a new best friend too.

Carrie, the people at Lush are paid to talk to you like that.

- We've been through this. - Jizzlord.

He's my cat... Man. He's my man.

No, no. No, he's not my man, but you know what I mean.

I thought you were too busy with your new cool friend.

I am. Couldn't care less what you two do.

We're going to do an erotic jigsaw tomorrow night.

- You're doing an EJ? - Whole hog.

- You can't. They're mine. I bought them. - No, you didn't.

Yeah, I did. I remember because the bank called me to ask

if I was sure I wanted to spend £200 on erotic jigsaws, and I said, yeah.

And then they lowered my overdraft limit.

- Well, we've always shared them. - Not anymore.

[Carrie sighs]

All right, well, now that we've settled that,

I think I'm ready to speak to my dad.

I think my heart has just about stopped palpitating.

No.

What do you mean, "no"? You just offered.

I rescind it.

You can't rescind my dead dad.

I rescind it.

If you don't need me, then I guess you don't need my power either.

[footsteps departing]

I don't know if I can do this. Do you think he'll be mad?

No, Ade's lovely. He'll understand.

[Ade] Twenty-six hours.

[slow music playing on speakers]

I-I was stuck in that wall for 26 hours.

Someone thought I was a Banksy.

They sent a local news crew out.

- Someone made an NFT of it. - [client] Ow.

- Sorry, sorry. - [client groans]

An insurance broker in the Netherlands owns the copyright on my arse.

- Do you know how that feels? - [client moans]

Use your words.

"Firstly, I would like to extend my most sincere apologies

for the unfortunate events that transpired on the night of the 12th."

I just wanted to do something big, you know?

Just feel kind of useless most of the time.

Like no one really needs me.

I'm not a leader.

Not a hero.

I'm a failure.

I'll send you your Toblerones in the post in case you want them later.

Kash.

You just did exactly what a leader does. You took responsibility.

That's not easy to do.

Yeah. [stammers] I don't think you're incompetent, necessarily.

Just think we had bad luck.

Yeah. I bet if we had one more crack at it, we'd blow everyone away.

- How's that pressure? - [client moans]

What, get back together?

I'd come back older and wiser.

Rising from the ashes like a phoenix.

I'm not depressed.

I'm in the middle of a redemption arc.

Yeah, it all makes sense now.

This isn't a lad's farewell tour.

This is an assembling.

We're in the middle of an assembling!

[Kash, Seb laughing]

Guys, guys, guys, guys, please.

I'm still working.

[chuckles]

Hey, so I know you're upset about the erotic jigsaw,

so I made you a new one.

But this is just a drawing of a dog in a hat.

Yeah, I don't know what "erotic" means or what a jigsaw is.

[Jen] Hey, sorry I'm late.

[Hannah] Yeah, the pub's not open yet.

- [Jen] Fuck. - Why did you wanna meet here?

I left all my clinic forms behind me last night.

And I want to return this in case anyone was looking for it.

Maybe they could glue it back on.

I was actually thinking about what you said last night.

It is so fucked, isn't it?

- Oh, yeah. Society! - Yeah.

So I quit. I'm not going back to the clinic.

- Ever? - Ever.

Did you have fun last night?

Yeah.

Did you need a power to do that?

No.

Right, so let's just have fun.

Yeah. Fuck it.

Why am I doing homework on the weekend? It can wait.

Right. The world owes us, Jen.

We can do whatever we want.

[Jen] Oh, I feel so free.

Maybe I should take my bra off.

♪ I walked in the building With attitude… ♪

[doorbell buzzing]

I hate this so much.

He's gonna be such little a dick about it.

Maybe we should do Randall first?

It's a small sacrifice to make.

Think about the group.

[Kash sighs]

Firstly, I would like to apologise for my…

Why are you in your suit?

No reason.

I accept your apology. Goodbye.

Oh, what are you pussies doing here?

Are you joining? Sick.

Joining what?

[Gregor sighs]

You little slut.

Well, you can't be mad at me for moving on.

We were a band of brothers.

Oh, you were a band of losers. It was never gonna work.

If anything, you should be grateful to Kash

for putting you out of your misery.

No. Don't talk about them like that.

Or what? What are they gonna do?

Throw a haddock at me? [chuckles]

[laughing]

Get stuck in a wall at me?

Let's go. Right now. You and me.

[laughing]

Okay.

No, seriously, come on. Hit me.

[breathes shakily]

[Gregor] Oh, no, no, no.

No, really try this time.

[Kash grunts]

[Kash panting]

[laughing]

- [Gregor] You see the pattern here, right? - Wait. What am I doing?

No, Kash, don't you...

[doorbell buzzing]

[Gregor grunts]

- Oh, God. Kash, did you... - Yo, yo!

Trust me. He will have deserved it.

What are you pussies doing here?

Randall, come with us.

The boys are back in town.

♪ Who that? Who that? Who that? ♪

♪ That bitch is back ♪

♪ Who there? Who there? Who there? ♪

♪ I will attack ♪

[Jen laughing]

- [Hannah] Oh, my God. - [flyer 1] Ow!

[Hannah] Too easy.

Ten points if you get a head shot.

♪ Welcome to the circus ♪

♪ I'm causing a disturbance ♪

♪ It's a rocket in my pocket And I'm not gonna stop it ♪

[flyer 2] Oi, what'd you do that for?

[laughs]

Yes, mate.

- [flyer 2] Hey! Little shit! - [Jen] That was good.

Yeah, I was thinking, maybe we should try and find more people who are like us.

What, like, make the club a little bigger?

Yeah. I know, we could have a group chat.

Have a place where we all hang out.

Yes. Our own island.

Yeah, or maybe, like, a bar. [chuckles]

Except we don't let anyone with powers in, yeah.

Yes, and we can have, like, a secret handshake and a password.

Oh! And we could get matching tattoos.

Oh, my God. Should we do that now?

Jen?

What are you doing on a roof?

[Jen] Uh, nothing, nothing. [chuckles]

Just being crazy.

Ah! What's she gonna do next? She's so spontaneous. Ah! [chuckles]

Right.

Uh, where you going?

Out. Bossa nova night at Moth Bar.

Oh.

- Can I join? - [laughing]

You are so funny, Jen. I love it.

- What was that? - Oh, yeah.

Um, might not seem like it, but that's actually better than it usually goes.

Look, you're not rejecting people with powers if you're drooling over fly boys.

I am not drooling.

And I hate powers just as much as you do.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

- I'll prove it. - How?

♪ Bitch, I've been ♪

Do you have a latex allergy?

[door opens]

- [Jen chuckles, yelps] - [alarm blaring]

[Hannah] This is a bad idea!

[Jen] We just got here! Just give it a minute!

[Hannah] What?

[Jen] I can't hear you!

Oh, it's just stopped.

[Hannah] Well, that's convenient.

♪ I don't know shit, I don't know shit ♪

♪ I don't know shit, I don't know shit I don't know shit ♪

I'm gonna fuck it up.

♪ I don't know shit, I don't know ♪

♪ Over rewarded ♪

♪ Surrounded by over rewarded And easily praised

♪ 'Cause aren't you a good boy? ♪

♪ Got your perfect life… ♪

Do it. Do it!

♪ I am a King? I never wrote a single thing ♪

[Jen shouts]

[both squealing, laughing]

Oh, my God!

♪ I don't know shit, I don't know shit ♪

♪ I don't know shit ♪

♪ I don't know shit, I don't know shit ♪

♪ I don't know shit, I don't know shit ♪

♪ I don't know shit, I don't know shit I don't know shit ♪

[Jen] Fuck you, Denise!

[both laughing]

[gasps] Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

- I'm pissing on the desk. - [laughs]

- [Hannah] Why? - I don't know.

[Hannah squealing] I love this.

Do you see any tissues anywhere?

[song fades, ends]

[Hannah] Jen?

Hannah?

[Hannah grunts] Oh, Jen.

[Hannah pants]

[Hannah grunts, pants]

- [moans] - [Jen] What's going on?

I don't know.

[grunts, pants]

[Jen] Hannah! What the fuck?

[laughing]

[Hannah] I think I can teleport.

This is so fucking cool! [laughs]

[Jen] Mmm. Right. Really cool.

[Hannah chuckles]

I guess that's the end of our club.

Just because I've got powers now doesn't mean that anything's gonna change.

Hey, I'm not going anywhere.

♪ …after the storm ♪

♪ Sit back and watch the rain ♪

[security guard] Hey.

Oh, shit.

[security guard] What do you think you're doing here? Hey?

♪ System lagging Think we need a reboot ♪

♪ Feeling stranded Got me feeling feeble ♪

[security guard grunts] Get back here, you!

[door closes]

♪ Sit back and watch the rain ♪

♪ And you're cast aside ♪

Guess who's a guilt-free man.

[both laughing, cheering]

I'm so proud of you!

Now you can move on to other things. Better things. Adult things. [laughs]

We could go on a couple's mini-break. Oh, that would be fun, wouldn't it?

I'm not gonna have time to do something like that.

The vigilante group's officially rebooted.

- What? - Yeah.

We're streamlined, we're hungry, we're hyped.

Thanks for pushing me. None of this would've happened if it wasn't for you.

[Carrie chuckling]

[footsteps departing]

[sighs]

["GMF" playing]

♪ You could probably say I'm difficult ♪

Do it!

- Oh, my days! - Oh, yeah.

[laughing]

- What the fuck? - I can do a better one.

- I'm gonna do a better one. - Do it.

[Hannah] Okay, fine.

[Hannah whoops] Oh, my God!

Someone got her power yesterday.

What was it? A couple days ago?

[laughing, chattering on phone]

Made you a cup of tea.

♪ I'm usually only waiting for you To stop talking so that I can ♪

I saw it on television. It makes everything better for some reason.

Carrie really wants to finish those jigsaws with you.

She seems quite sad.

[sighs] It's too late. She hates me.

So you're gonna shun her and never talk to her again? Okay.

No, what? No. I'm not gonna do that.

So you gonna be friends again?

Probably, but it's... It's not that simple. [sighs]

Do you wanna be her friend?

Yeah.

She wants to be your friend?

I hope so.

♪ …while it's still a crime And don't forget… ♪

I must have the word "simple" wrong.

[slurping]

♪ You could be laughing… ♪

It tastes funny.

Oh, yeah. Um…

Tea didn't really seem like enough, so I put a lot of painkillers in it.

All right. I'm just gonna put that there.

♪ Half of the time I think I'm in some movie ♪

♪ I play the underdog of course ♪

♪ I wonder who they'll get to play me ♪

♪ Maybe they could dig up Richard Burton's corpse ♪

[knocking]

♪ I am not who you think I am ♪

♪ I am quite angry ♪ ♪ Which I barely can conceal ♪

[sighs]

♪ You think I hate myself It's you I hate ♪

♪ Because you have the nerve To make me feel ♪

♪ But I am the greatest motherfucker that You're ever gonna meet ♪

[song fades, ends]

[sighing]

Does this look like a man's nipple or a woman's nipple to you?

[Jen] Hmm.

Man's. It's got a hair on it.

No guarantee.

Man's. Trust me.

Armpit or bum cleft?

Oh, that's a hard one. I wanna say armpit.

- Although that does look very "clefty." - [chuckles]

[Jen chuckles]

[Carrie chuckles]

[Jen] This one, over there.

[Carrie sighs]

How am I supposed to know what blood type I am?

AB positive.

- And you're O negative? - [chuckles]

Not even close.

But I appreciate the effort.

Thank you.

It's going to be a two-way street from now on.

Burden me with your problems.

- My problem? - Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Oh, this is weird doing it this way round, isn't it?

- [chuckles] - [Jen] Mmm.

Can't really think of anything.

[Jen] Mmm.

Except maybe one tiny little thing.

Kash is back with his old vigilante group,

and I hate it, and I think it's gonna ruin our relationship.

But apart from that, fine.

♪ Cool, bright, strong and unique ♪

♪ Yeah, we're beautiful ♪

[Carrie sniffing]

Is it just me, or does it smell a bit like piss in here?

[sniffs] I don't smell anything.

[Carrie sniffs]

♪ Every day we get get get it done ♪

- ♪ Super powers, we got super powers ♪ - ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Super powers, super super powers ♪ - ♪ Yeah, we got it ♪

- ♪ Super powers, we got super powers ♪ - ♪ Yeah, we got it, uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Super powers ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You already know ♪

♪ Yeah, we're heroes ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ We're heroes ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ Yeah, we're heroes ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ You already know ♪

♪ Yeah, we're heroes ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ We're heroes ♪

- ♪ We're heroes, yo ♪ - ♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Yeah, we're heroes ♪

- ♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ - ♪ We're heroes ♪

♪ We're heroes ♪

♪ You already know ♪