Original subtitles

The Persian O-Yang Fang and his cousin West poison are lovers

They've conceived a plan to take over the throne

But to complete their coup, they must get the royal seal

And it's finally happening, But, who wants to hear about it!

Let's get to the part where I'm kicking ass!

We can't stop him!

Protect His Majesty!

Protect His Majesty!

Help me!

Let's go to the seraglio!

brought to You by falang01

What do you want?

Listen here old man,

We can do this the easy way or the hard way

I want you to give up the throne

Or else...

You want to take my throne?

Did I stutter?

Quit talking to him!

Lets get the seal first, and then we'll kill him

We'll clean this place up, and then we can get married

Then we'll have a baby prince. Isn't that just perfect?

You just read my mind

Give me the imperial jade seal

What is that!

If you give it to us, we might just let you go?

Give it up!

If I hadn't taken you out of Taiwan You wouldn't be where you are right now

That's enough!

Let's give him one our drum trained little pets

AH! that thing's huge!

If you're smart, you'll start talking!

I'll never tell you!

Really?

Stop it, Stop it!

That's the wrong drum! Don't go around wasting those

You know how long it took me to train those things?

Sorry! It was a practice one This should be it

This is the one

Are you going to tell us?

The third princess has it!

The third princess?

She knew about your plan, so she fled

So I...

That bitch! How'd she know? Doesn't matter she won't get far!

That seal will be mine!

Where'd you go?

Who's behind all this?

It's me, O-Yang Fong!

How dare you do something like this?

You do know you'll be punished?

He is going to take over the throne! Your father is in our hands

I think you know what'll happen if you don't give us the Jade seal

I knew that you both were plotting something

I'm glad I practiced Shen-Kong for so long

Let my father go

or you'll both die

OK! Show me your Wu-Liung-Shen-Kong

Third Princess. Your Shen-Kong isn't good enough!

Don't worry! Stand aside!

The seas can't be measured!

Is that what you call "Wu-Liung-Shen-Kong"? That was too funny!

The seas can't be measured!

This is too much!

The seas can't be measured!

Are you ok?

Take care!

Cousin!

I hurt my ass!

Cousin! Are you ok?

Why are you standing here? Go after them!

The first style of Toad shen-kong!

The seas can't be measured!

Princess! Let's go

I won't! The seas can't be measured!

Shi-Du's toad shen-kong is too powerful!

Princess, Don't do this!

Go meet your master in Joe-Kong-Mountain.

You can get your revenge later, let's go.

Princess! Let's go!

Princess! Hurry!

Princess! Come on now! Go!

Princess! Don't do this! Let's go!

I have to stop her!

Here I come!

Shi-Sha Centipede Legs!

The second style of Toad Shen-Kong!

The seas can't be measured!

It missed me, I wonder who got hit by her blast?

That was exhausting!

Cousin! Watch out!

Cousin! What's wrong? Cousin!

You have to avenge me!

Cousin! Rest in peace!

You're not dead?

No, stupid! I asked you to avenge me I didn't say I was dead!

She rode a precious Hen-Shei horse! How can I get her?

I got an idea! Find the imperial master

Imperial master! We have to leave!

Haven't you heard? The queen and her lover rebelled

You have to leave, the princess has already fled as well

You must hurry!

You think I don't want to?

There's a centipede in my stomach, I can't go anywhere

Leave me alone!

Not to worry! Look!

Did you steal this from the queen?

That's wonderful!

Use it before they both get her...

Show me the crystal ball. I want to know where the princess is

You think I'll help you?

You think that's a real drum?

Listen up! I have the real one!

You're a liar!

Well, I guess you're just going to have to wait and see

Get on with it!

Don't worry, I'll be done right...now!

Fong!

Hey! I knew you were lying!

Don't do that to him!

Stop it! You're hurting him!

I'm not stopping till she does!

You stop first!

You're not the only one with one! Take this!

Why does my stomach hurt when you hit it?

I fed you one when I kissed you last night!

Now it's fair, we all have one.

How dare you do this to me! You jerk!

Stop it!

OK! OK!

When I count to 3, we'll all stop Ok!

I'll stop, but I don't trust her!

One, two, three! Stop!

I still not over you give me a centipede!!

I didn't mean it!

Yes you did! It's cause of you were in this situation!

Okay, let's talk this over...alright?

Go to hell!

She is leaving for Joe-Kon Mountain to meet her master

So we have to kill her before she gets there

But she rides the precious Han-Shei Horse

So the only way we can catch her is...

What? Imperial master!

Use my "invincible flying shoes"

Can the shoes really make you fly?

Don't touch the wings!

That's amazing, and so fast!

I still have something else to give you

It's the "invincible poisonous queen bees"

Why are you so generous?

You'll find out just how much after you use it

I can't wait to find out

These shoes are awesome!

Uncle!

Chen Jen disciples call on Uncle Chou

Where are the rest of the disciples?

Ma-Ju, our senior brother is in charge of Chon-Yang Shrine

We come here first; the others will arrive here later

Our senior brother has isolated himself practicing Shen-Tien-Kong for 5 years

Today is his big day to finish his isolation period

The Chen-Jen religion will be unbeatable from now on!

Chi-Ji! You're so strong now!

Muscles everywhere!

Uncle! I'm not Cho Chu-Ji. I'm Wang Chu-I!

Wang Chu-I! Where's Chu-Ji?

Uncle! It's me!

Chu-Ji! You look really strong!

- Let me see that strong chest of yours! - Uncle! Don't do this!

Master will terminate his isolation period

if he ever finds out of this, he'd be furious!

Of course he wouldn't be happy

Otherwise I'd be your master's wife by now

Always trying to ruin my fun!

I'm happy no one saw that

OK! I'll contact junior brother by my "thousand miles reaching voice"

Junior brother! I'm the master of Shen-Tien-Shen-Kong now

You've nowhere to run? Fly!

What the hell? It's on fire!

I'm invincible now!

So hot!

Let's go!

This sucks!

I hope this doesn't hurt much!

Wait! I heard 2 voices from opposite sides.

Shen-Tien Magic Kung-fu really is amazing

My head is killing me!

Master! Are you ok?

I'm ok! I'm enjoying the cool air!

Why is there a shoe on your head?

You're kidding! How could there be a shoe on my head?

If it's not a shoe, then what is it?

- A Weapon - A Weapon?

I've been isolating myself for 5 years

Trying to figure out how the enemy would attack me

But who would use a shoe as a secret weapon?

I'm telling you, it's a weapon!

I, Wan Chon-Yang, am the master of Martial Arts

A shoe won't kill me so easily! ...It's a Weapon

Do you really believe that?

I broke all my bones! I can't move at all

Leave this message for my love, tell her I'll have to marry her in the next life

Take off my robe and return it to her Because she gave it to me

Then I'll be able to die peacefully! Thanks!

Master! How can you still talk so fast even you're dying?

Guess I spoke too soon! Master, Master?

It's him again!

Senior brother!

Senior brother!

Master!

Why didn't you tell us you were going to die?

You should at least left a horse for us!

Uncle! Please behave yourself!

What's wrong with me?

We are both brothers

But we felt like a couple

Now I'm a widow. I want to avenge his death

There's something wrong with this picture

That witch must have raped him first

It must be that woman riding that horse

I will avenge him!

Uncle! Why are you moving around so much?

I don't know what you speak of!

I think you must be confused

Thank god! One of our Dwan family can enter Nirvana

Your Majesty! I don't understand

Didn't you say you had a dream about the Arhans?

Yeah!

A great grandson of mine, who is reincarnated by an arhan, will solve the dream for me

I'm 189 years old

I'm worried I can't wait much longer

I'm glad you'll be able to find out!

Your majesty! What does the dream mean?

Your majesty! I don't get it!

You're the only on without sense of humor in the Dwan Family

If you want to enter Nirvana, you've to find someone who loves you

Someone who loves me?

His surname is Hwang! He'll have 666 on his chest

Only if he says "I love you" sincerely three times

You'll turn into smoke and go into the heavens

I really can enter Nirvana!

So my marriage with the beautiful princess of Jint-Jen country...

You shouldn't fall in love with a girl on earth!

How do you know the fairies are not more beautiful than princesses?

Your majesty!

Your majesty! Come here!

How come you can fall in love with girls on earth?

Have you ever seen an 189-year-old man wanted by so many girls?

Am I not happier than a god? Why would I want to be one? Shit!

You don't want to be a god. I do!

OK! I'll terminate my engagement

Then go to look for my true love

Be careful!

It's so hard practicing "Speak with your eyes" sword style

I want to quit!

It's really is hard speaking with your eyes with each thrust

Can we practice "Endless love" sword style instead?

"Endless love" sword style? I'm afraid you couldn't control yourself

Do you remember what you did when we were practicing last time

The "Blazing Palm against dry firewood" If I didn't work hard to stop you

We might have done something awful

Let's make it clear! It's me who worked hard to get stop of you

Shut up!

Do you really love me?

Of course! Since I came here when I was seven;

You're always in my thoughts

I truly love you

What if you meet other women...

Would you still love me?

Of course I would! Don't be silly

Would you tell me where is Jo-Kon-Immortal Taoist?

Don't look at him like that? You can't have him he's all mine!!!

We're engaged okay!

Even you don't care that were engaged, he'll never fall for you!

You think I want to be with him?

He's the one looking at me like that, not the other way around!

I don't care if it's you who's looking at him

or him looking at you Stop it!

He's mine. He can only look at me like that!

- You'll have to go through me first! - You're going to have to start trusting me around other women

Could you tell me why you want to meet Jo-Kong?

You can't answer that, and you can't talk to him!

You must be kidding?

It's an emergency! Where is he?

Shut up!

Thanks a lot!

Thanks a lot!

What?

What?

Nothing! I just copied her words

- Why did she say "Thanks a lot" to you? - I've no idea.

Does she like you?

I think so!

Do you like her?

No! Of course not!

I don't believe you!

Hey, where are you going?

To kill myself!

Master! You have to give me a hand this time

If you want to fight O-Yang Fong

You should find you a fianc in Da-Li Nation

Who has a strong army and horses

Hi I-Yang-Chi is so powerful

Go find him now!

Can't we figure out some other way?

Well, then...

Master!

Get Jo-In-Jeng-Jin and practice the Wu-Kong from the book

Then you can beat O-Yang Fong

Then...

How can I get Jo-Yang-Jeng-Jin?

That book is in Dan-Sha Mountain's Jo-In-White Skeleton cave

There are four fierce beasts inside

Although one of them died recently.

it's still dangerous to go there alone

Bitch! Take this!

Master!

Fate! Fate! Hurt so seriously!

It's Chow?!

Master!

Junior sister!

No! Senior!

Senior?

She became my pupil when I was in Jing Ren Nation

I taught her a little bit

But she's also a princess. She bought that title ok

Now I order Jo-Shu to be your company to Dan-Sha mountain

Dan-Sha mountain! I...

Master! Fate!

Shut your mouth up! She hit me deliberately!

Master! You misunderstood me!

Master! No!

Follow me!

Senior brother! Help me!

What's wrong with your hand?

So what's wrong about your hand, then?

Now I'm holding your pulse

I'll squeeze you to death if you're thinking anything

Why don't you leave?

Yes. Master!

Senior! Please!

I want to go with you!

No! Help me apply the medicine

Yes, master!

I'll leave tomorrow and not tell anyone!

I heard centipedes love chicken

I hope I can pull it out

What are you doing?

Nothing! Just flossing my teeth

Don't play games with me! You think I'm stupid?

- You're trying to pull the centipede up? - Not at all!

Yeah right!

How about I put 2 down there this time!

Where's Fong?

My crystal ball seems broken!

Broken! I'll give you 3 days

If you can't fix it in 3 days

You'll be in big trouble!

Little girl! Where are you going?

Come back!

He can't stop me from leaving

I have to find my sweetheart!

Cousin!

Cousin! I found you!

Cousin?

I'm your cousin

You're my cousin! Bullshit!

You don't remember me?

Why I feel faint seeing you if you're not my cousin?

Here it goes again!

What do you want?

I want to marry you!

Marry me? Did I ever promise to marry you?

Did you forget we got engaged when we were young?

King, my uncle, agreed!

He gave me a piece of jade! You've got one, too

He told me to wait for you here, cause you'll leave the mountain when you're 18

Ridiculous! How could he know that?

My uncle told me your facial expression shows that

you'll marry a man this year

If you keep up with this bullshit, I'll beat your ass!

Why are like this? Don't you like me anymore?

I'm not your cousin! We're not cousins!

You should take a look at yourself

I have a lover! It's my Huang!

Cousin! I have many excellences

I warn you: don't say anymore

Don't tell anyone else I'm your cousin! You ugly man!

What? Why am I that ugly?

I'm the most handsome, clean junior leader in the history of The Beggar Gang

Look!

Junior leader!

Am I good-looking?

Sure! But you still have to hold the meeting

No!

Why?

My cousin left me here! I'm going to kill myself!

What should we do then if you're dead?

You'll have to decide that by playing the finger-guessing game

That's unethical

to choose the beggar's leader by a game

What "game"?

Didn't I win the leader's title the same way years ago?

Junior leader!

Could he really be my cousin? How disgusting!

Huang Yao-shih's the one for me

Even the heavens are jealous of me. I'm the most handsome man ever

Even if it's the last day of my life

I can never accept that kind of rejection

It's taken me forever but, I finally made it to the top

So long world!

No!

What do you think you're doing?

Do you know how long it took me to get up here?

What am I doing?

I want to kill you!

His skills are great! This beggar's style is amazing

Is he Su-Chi-Ar?

I'm his uncle!

I don't mind being killed! She doesn't want me anyway

Go ahead, Kill me!

I won't fight back!

The first style of Toad Sheng-Kong

Good Palm style!

You're not bad! But you won't beat me!

I'll show you my Shan-Long 18 palm style

The dragon is in the field! One! Two! Three!

Flying dragon in the sky!

Regretful dragon!

Gravitational acceleration! I power down the centrifical force

is equal to 3,600 angle

You said you wouldn't fight back, what gives?

Sorry about that! It's just a natural response

You should know how it is

Let's do it again!

Can I count on your words?

Sure! I'll close my eyes, and I promise I won't fight back

Let's go!

The second style of Toad-Sheng-Kong

Go for it!

I can't stand it anymore!

Sword dragon in the sky!

Blue dragon drinking water!

Dragon out of the cave!

Oh crap!

You did it again! You son of a bitch!

Sorry!

Your power stirred up my natural strength in my body

So exercise your strength just a little bit

This time it will work!

I don't want to!

Come on! Please!

I don't want to!

Ok! This time I'll tie my hands up

No way! You're a liar

Come on! Please!

You're asking for it!

I won't fight back!

Don't break your promise

I'll kill him using only one hand!

Dragon is waving tail

Is he crying?

You lied again!

Sorry for that! Sorry!

I can't believe I did it again

It's that damn natural response my friend

Believe me I'm not enjoying this

Don't cry! I promise it won't happen again

OK! Let's do it one more time

You're full of shit, I don't want to do it again

I'll end up dying before you, if we keep working like this

Please just commit suicide

Don't be angry! I won't kick you!

Please let me go! I'm in so much pain!

I won't kick you!

I won't lie. Tie up my body, please

Then I can't kick you

Let me go! Don't drag me!

I'll tie myself up!

Come on!

Come on! Hurry!

I have the pleasure of

being killed by you

So you should thank me!

Try the best Wu-Kong on me

Hit me as hard as possible!

This is really cruel!

Don't have mercy on me!

I'll have no mercy on you

Come on!

The 3rd style of Toad-Shen-Kong

Goddamn it! I got a leg cramp!

Are you okay?

You're hurt? What's wrong?

Now you're trapped! I'm in charge of your pulse

You're dead!

I'm holding your pulse, too

Don't be stupid!

If you kill me, I'll kill you

It's no good killing each other like this

You're the one that wants to die, not me!

You're finally dead!

What the hell?

Thanks! that was more relaxing than taking a bath or a massage

You know what? Screw you! I'm out of here!

I don't want to ever see you again!

I won't be so easy on you next time

There's a...

Remember!

A big hole!

Why is he still here?

Now you're dead! Invincible poisonous Queen Bees!

That bitch tricked me, How dare she...

I bit my tongue

I've never seen one of these before!

Gloomy Ghost paw!

How can a banana tree grow prickly pears? What an unlucky guy

Son of bitch! I can't take much more of this, I have to kill him!

OK! I'll use Wu-Shin escaping skills!

What happened to you this time?

I hit a rock! Help me out!

Come here! Where did you hit?

My leg!

Leg? Let me see!

I'll kill you this time with my knife!

Is it here?

Yeah... that's it!

There's nothing!

I'll stab you to death

What are you doing? Stand still

I want you to die!

I want you to die!

What're you doing? You don't even have a blade on that thing

Huh?

I don't care! I'll kill you with the handle

Why are you so sad?

You dislocated my hand!

Lie down!

What's wrong?

My knife is in my back!

Let me take a look!

Did you find it?

No! Only some blood!

Goddamn it! The knife is inside me!

All of it?

Don't be afraid! I'll suck it out with my internal strength

You've put me through so much pain!

I've tried everything to kill you! Except try and poison you.

I've sucked it out!

How's that feel, better?

I need water to rinse my mouth out!

I'll be right back

Water!

What's wrong?

How do I look? Do I look weird?

No, you look fine!

Really!

Actually, your lips look kind of swollen...

Like what?

They look like 2 big giant sausages under your nose

Oh God! I have to see a doctor

Where are you going?

Please, let me go see a doctor

No! If you go now, who will kill me?

I get hurt too badly whenever I try!

I am in pain from head to toe

Now I don't even look like a man

Now my mouth looks like 2 plump sausages

Please let me go!

I hate quitters

So do I!

If I could kill you, I would have done it already

My mouth is watering again

I've reached my limit, I'll come and kill you again real soon

You'll really come back?

Yes, just let me see the doctor. You can come along if you don't trust me.

Go!

This is Jo-In-White skeleton Cave

This isn't a very safe place to be. I wonder how many...

Where are you?

Here I am!

Don't play games like that again. This is a dangerous place.

What's that?

You really shouldn't touch skeletons

You don't know where it's been

Who do you think you are my Dad? Listen

Master told me there are three monsters here

You have to watch yourself

Don't say I didn't warn you

You don't have to worry about me

Master only asked me to keep you company

I don't have to get that book with you

Besides, I'll just cause trouble

I think I'd better wait here. You go ahead

Wow! Me alone?

Are you afraid?

Are you kidding? This is a piece of cake.

OK! Wait for me here!

What did you see?

Nothing!

So why did you scream?

It's dark!

Don't laugh! If you're so brave, you go in there

OK!

It didn't scare him, I can't let him think I'm a scared cat

Huang!

I got her good!

Where'd she go?

Huang!

Think you can scare me?

I saw something!

So did I!

Gee! I saw something weird...

What is it?

A man!

A man? How Horrible!

You mean "me"!

You scared me! I'll never believe you again

Hey!

Listen to me!

Don't follow me!

No more talking! Let's look for Jo-In-Jong-Jin

What's wrong?

A monster!

What monster?

I don't know how to describe it

It's a monster with 3 heads

It looks like a gorilla, a lizard and a bird

I don't believe you

Ha!

Is this what you were scared of?

A monster!

Come here!

They're more scared of us then we are of them

They're next to you

Don't be scared! We know martial arts

Yeah, but I'm scared to death to use them

Coward! Take this! Look at me!

The seas can't be measured

Are you all right?

What kind of martial arts are you using?

Are you trying to kill me or the monster?

Sorry!

Jo-In-Jeng-Jin!

Don't touch it!

What are you doing?

Why did you hit me?

I was hit you because you were so rude

Do you know what bit you?

What's this?

I'll tell you

That's the most famous "Bone itching Poisonous Ant"

If I hadn't sucked the poison out Guess what would've happened to you?

I apologize

If it ever happens to you, I'll do the same

What's the matter?

Oh god! I just got bit! Suck it out

No way! I'll suck the poison out anywhere but there

Hey, don't go back on your word

Let's get this show on the road

Thanks for your help

If I can recover my land, I'll give you a title as "General" Chief

Can I ask for another title?

Like what?

The husband of the princess!

You...

It's a joke! Let's move them!

Why do they smell so bad?

It's awful isn't it!

They're moving our toilets!

Move them back! Be careful! Don't break them!

Hurry!

Come here!

Weird! Why are they still here?

Yeah! I think the monsters are playing games with us

Damn it!

These people are so stupid

Yeah! Stupider than us!

What are you doing?

What am I doing? I'm setting up a trap for them

Let's make this more fun!

Great idea!

After them!

Snapping finger

Don't bother snapping! Look at me!

The seas can't be measured!

Was that "Kung-Fu"?

Was that "Kung-Fu"?

Since you're so tired

Why don't we stay for a while at an Inn?

This one is no good! I'll try this one

One, two, three!

Let's try the other one!

Why?

They don't have stinky toilets!*

True love! Please walk slower!

Why are you following me?

True love! Could you show me your breasts

Aunt! Could you show me your breasts

Pervert!

Could the three of you show me...

Show me your tits!

Lady, salute!

The colors of our clothes are so similar

May I...

Lady! please don't go!

The world is so huge. Where can I find my true love?

Excuse me!

The Indian is so handsome!

May I help you?

Why are you looking at me like this?

You got a problem or something?

Actually no I...

Can't hear you!

Listen! I don't like the way you're looking at me

Because it's so easy to fall in love looking at your eyes

I don't think so!

I'm almost done, are you married?

I'd rather devote myself to Cheng-Jen than be married

Oh my god! You must really work out!

Uncle! Let's go!

It's hate wearing clothes from a pawnshop

They're probably fleas in them

There's that woman

Hey! Come here!

Innkeeper!

What room are they in?

Tell me now!

Room number one!

Really? Then I want number two! Go!

Room number two! Lead her there!

Please!

This is number two!

So number one is in the back

No!

Over there!

No!

Is it this way?

No!

Where is it?

Over there! Down the stairs and then up the stairs

The second one upstairs

How come number two isn't next to number one?

What? Didn't anyone tell you

Number one is next to number two?

What's so funny? I'll pull all your teeth out

Why are you staring at me?

Don't fall for me! I'm out of your league anyway

I'm like a phoenix and you're like a chicken?

I could never be with a commoner like yourself

I think...

Don't! Don't even think it!

I already know what you're thinking!

I think you'll have chance with me if I stay here

Nope! No chance at all!

Why'd you turn around?

Because you keep yelling at me!

I know the real reason

You can't look me in the face, because you're thinking of me naked

I heard there's a Indian rapist on the loose in the area

If he happened to come in here I can protect myself. But what about you?

I'll be fine!

Go back to your room, and don't come out

I heard he also likes men too

Oh no!! I'm so scared!

I finally got you back

I can't see anything at all

What are you doing?

Nothing! Leave me alone

Mind your own business!

Don't try to get close to me. Or I'll kill you

Do I want to get close to you? Who do you think you are?

I know that I'm right. Otherwise, why are you getting so angry?

Don't look at me! Otherwise I'll dig out your eyes

I'll let you smell the smoke first

I actually feel a little bad about doing this

You look so familiar!

I'm the felt that strong chest of yours this morning

That was you!

What are you doing?

I got bored and decided to go for a walk

Have a cigarette!

What brand? It smells so good

Actually this brand is...

What are you doing?

Are you ok?

Which room are you in?

Wait!

We want to stay here tonight. Are there any rooms available?

It's full! No vacancy!

What did you say?

What do you want?

Don't be so mad! We're begging for help

Just find a place

Where we can stay for one night

Go to the firewood room

Brother!

If you would've let me do the talking we would've got in

Go!

I'm sorry, I really don't want to see you when you're really angry

Take it easy! Don't use your hands

Not bad! let's get some rest!

Did you do everything I ordered?

Yes!

I decided to make a surprise attack tonight

Uncle! I added some medicine in their food

Uncle! The medicine really works

Even we can't stand it!

Yes!

Why did you give them that to eat? Change your position

It smells strange! But it's not bad

What was that?

Who's there?

Who's that?

I'm sorry!

It's you, my brother!

What were you doing up there?

I just woke up. I went out for a jog and then..

Suddenly my body started feeling really light

Before I knew it, I was on the roof

That's amazing!

I'm sorry but I really have to go pee

Go on please!

Brother!

You're creeping around at night pretending you're Wang Ju-Sheng

Who the hell is that?

Why do I feel so hot after that meal?

Who's dancing on the floor at midnight?

Miss. Do you hear anyone dancing?

Don't try and put the moves on me Aladdin

Maybe Iam Aladdin, but I do know I'm cuter than her

I decided to use "three Flowers gathering on the Top"!

No! Uncle!

Master told me that Kung-Fu is very powerful

If you don't use it well you'll not able to control yourself

There will be a reversal of time and space around you

Reversal of time & space?

Yes! That means

Everything will be reversed

If you go forward, you'll move backwards instead

If you want to go up, you'll fall down instead. Understand?

It's dangerous. But I'll fight with them to avenge my brother

Cheng-Jeng-Sun-Che!

Uncle! Here we are!

I know I shouldn't do this,

but I can't help myself

I know I shouldn't do this, But I can't help myself.

Will you keep it down, I'm doing my nails

Where are the toilets in this place?

Three flowers gathering on the top!!

Again! Again! Why isn't it working?

I can't hold it anymore!

Three flowers gathering on the top!!

Three flowers gathering on the top!!

Three flowers gathering on the top!!

You pervert!

I know I shouldn't do this

I know I shouldn't do this

You pervert!

I'm not!

You pervert!

I'm not!

You pervert!

I'm not!

The third princess!

The third princess!

I don't want to know...

Listen to me!

We're broken up now!

Wow! That was really weird

I have to avenge brother!

I won't force you to change your mind

I'm glad the princess has a firm grasp of what is right and wrong

You bitch! Lewd woman!

You better stop slapping me.. or else!

How dare you!

This tree is big enough to be my shield

Why is it so light?

Great! Like fish in the water

Good!

That stupid boy! He's hiding behind that plant

Careful! Stay alert!

Yes!

Don't cry!

Do you think I like this?

Why are you crying? Don't cry!

I don't want to be royalty anymore

Sit down here!

I'll stab you to death

How dare you do that to him, I'll choke you!

Hey Brother! May I ask...

This's none of your business

You're hurt, right? Now you know my strength

I finally avenged my brothers death!

- Wow! Chou-Po-Tong! - Is he Chou Po-Tong?

Are you Chou Po-Tong?

I'll kick you to death!

Chou Po-Tong!

Princess!

Don't come any closer!

It's between him and me. Don't get involved

I see! Wait a minute, what do they have against each other?

I'll go take a look

Could he be that rapist?

I have to go tell the princess

Princess!

I got you now! I'm drowning you!

Brother! I miss you so much!

He must be out of his mind

He must think I'm Wang Chon-Yang

Po-Tong! I miss you, too

Let's sit down!

Princess!

Princess!

Don't go!

Can I help you?

Have you seen the princess?

You pervert! How dare you mention her name?

What's the matter?

I'll kill you before you can get to her

OK! If that's the way it is. I'll show you the power of I-Yang Finger

Do you think I'm afraid of you?

You son of a bitch! How dare you use your finger?

You started this!

I'll kill you!

Go to hell!

I want to die! When can I die!

Don't waste those skills trying to kill each other. Kill me instead!

Beggar! Get away from me!

I want to kill him!

Please stop! kill me first!

Beggar! Go away! I want to kill him!

Let me die! Kill me first!

Go away!

Please kill me!

If you won't kill me, I'll kill you

Beggar! What do you want?

I won't stop this, till one of you kills me

My true love!

Don't hurt my true love!

So you were having a lovers spat?

Don't hurt him! Are you ok?

I'm the dignified beggar's leader! I can't be killed by people like you?

Hey! Have you had enough?

True love! Please tell me that you love me! Just once!

Then I'll be able to die! Say it!

OK!

Hey that wasn't very nice what you said!

True love!

I don't like men like that!

If you keep following me like this, I can be a real jerk

True love! You ran away so fast!

I couldn't even take a breath

Why don't you want to just tell me that you love me

This is ridiculous!

We both are men. How can I fall in love with you?

True love! It's ok! You can treat me as a woman

OK! Bad idea

You can be the woman!

Ridiculous!

True love!

OK! Don't cry!

I'm so cold!

You made these clothes for me

Po-Tong. Don't you remember?

Brother! May I ask you

Have you ever fallen in love with me?

Yes! Now I realize you're my real love

Really?

We'll be a couple in our next life

I forgot! I'm already immortal!

Brother! Don't leave me!

Please come back!

What's the matter?

True love! Why are you so sad?

Don't cry! There's a saying

A woman's mind is like the needle under the sea. Makes no sense Huh?

So what! She fell for someone else. It's her loss, you're a great guy.

Besides, you have me!

Listen, a man's heart is like gold

I beg you just say "I love you"!

Just say it, ok?

You freak!

Why'd you hit me?

I was consoling you

Why does he think I'm a freak?

Chou-Po-Tong committed suicide

He's sleeping so nice

Let's go! Quit complaining

How would you like it if your mouth looked like 2 sausages?

Find me a doctor, please

Where can I find a doctor so early?

Let's have some tea first

I have no appetite

Maybe you don't, but I do

Hey! I don't want to hold hands with you!

How could he do that to me? I'll show him!

Let's get a table!

Cousin!

Cousin!

I'm gonna faint

Could this be fate?

He seems to still be in love with me. He'll be my first victim

This girls eye's are so beautiful

You'll be next

They're amazing!

She's so enchanting!

Why are you staring at me?

I didn't! Cousin!

Cousin? You're joking

The girl's too beautiful to be your cousin

Is it true?

She's not doing anything? Can't she see I'm giving her the eye?

Storekeeper!

Storekeeper!

Can you get me some sausages?

You have some on your face. You want some more?

Yes! To go!

I'll put it in a bag for you!

Are you still looking at her! She's so elegant

She'd never fall in love with a beggar

That's hard to say!

Did you hear that?

That's like a toad wanting to be with a swan

You calling me a toad?

Are you a nice guy?

I am!

You dare to touch my hand!

Why is she looking at me like that?

Give up?

Yes, I do!

Your friend is cute too

Yeah! You check out those great lips?

Lots of girls think I'm cute, why you gotta talk about my lips?

Maybe she'd like to kiss those big things

Sure! You can!

His mouth wasn't always like this

It swelled up after getting some poison in is mouth

I have this medicine that might take the swelling down

Really it's okay!

Is he ok?

You have to fight poison with poison! I assure you he'll be ok!

Isn't it a coincidence that we're both here for tea, too

That's what happened

How heartless of him!

Do you want me to teach him a lesson?

Why cause anymore trouble?

His fighting skill is so powerful. You couldn't beat him

Really? I don't think so!

Why hasn't he fallen for my trap yet?

You don't know how powerful I am...

Look! He's ok! You really can fight poison with poison

Now can you stand up!

Sure!

Although my mouth is still swollen. I can hear better now

So why don't you thank me for that?

Miss, please don't raise your voice! Thanks!

You should be grateful

If someone helps you, you gotta pay them back

Go and change your clothes

Then we'll go find the man that broke your heart

Lady! Please don't cry so loud!

Hey! Where did you go?

I'm fixing something here

Did you fix the crystal ball yet?

No! Can't you see I'm busy?

Damn it! I told you to fix the crystal ball

What were you doing under the table?

I was taking a crap

How did you get it out?

I spent a lot of time cooking steamed wine chicken to get it out!

I'll kill you!

I got your vital point! Don't move! Or you'll die

You fed me this centipede

Ordering me around, you think that was fun for me?

Are you hungry?

"Invincible Big Crab"

Such a big poisonous worm! What do you want?

I'll forgive you

But don't go around doing this type of stuff again

OK!

Uncle!

Let me go!

Brother! Wait!

What do you want?

You look so depressed and sad

Why don't we find a place and have a drink?

Brother! Wait!

Now wonder he wants to cancel the engagement

He's been lying to me, he secretly likes men

Let me go!

Uncle!

Don't do this! Uncle!

I have to put an end to all this

Sir! May I help you?

Any music tonight?

Music! Everyone's already at home asleep?

I said I want music!

What happened to your hand?

OK! I'll go get some for you!

Let me go!

Uncle!

Let me die!

Brother!

Master!

- Fatty! Did you avenge me? - Yes!

Really! avenge me now then!

Isn't that evil woman dead?

How do you know she's dead?

The real murderer is the person wearing boots

Did you know that? Avenge me!

What's taking so long?

Hey! Wake up!

So this boot killed my brother

Master's too powerful to be killed by that something like that!

It's not an ordinary boot

It's the greatest weapon in human history

So we have to find the owner of the boot

to avenge our brother

It's no use for me to stay here alone

I'll go to Dan-Sha Mountain

Please!

Don't leave me, princess

Will you promise me?

Promise me!

I'll think about it

Princess! You really look so beautiful

By the way. Your hair looks great, too

That's because I wanted to look nice for you today

I asked the hairstylist to do this for me

Really nice!

Really nice!

Actually it's because of the shampoo they used

What brand?

It's a secret

The songs over

I know

Now, can you say "I love you" to me?

That's easy. Listen, "I love...

Whats happening? Don't go!

Great! Now I can be an immortal

I'm flying away!

Up to the heavens! To be an immortal!

Why am I still here?

You have to finish saying it!

I'm still here! My true love!

Princess!

That was weird!

Why is she acting so cold?

I see

I think she's mad because I didn't tell her I loved her

I'm not mad, but could you please finish saying it?

True love! Don't run away!

This must be my imagination. Or was that guy's head floating?

Help me! Help!

Be careful! A flying head!

Wow! Never seen that before!

Take my "Hurricane Leg"

Uncle! Let me help you!

Martial dragon is out of the seas

The cuff covers my chest

He comes up through the middle

He can't get through me!

Come on! Shoot! Shoot!

He shoots!

Damn it! I missed!

He scores!

I'm so dizzy

Uncle!

I think I heard Mr. Shu's voice

Princess! Let me finish what I was saying

What do you want to say?

Now's my chance

Princess! I want to tell you something

I've been thinking about it for a long time

Princess! I love you!

Goodbye everyone!

Are you sick? How come you can't pee?

No, I just have something on my mind

Do you think she really likes me?

Do you really want me to say?

Sure! Say it!

You're so boring! No one would like you!

Hey! You wanted to hear the truth didn't you, don't hit me!

Shut up! Give me an idea

What took so long?

- You want me to commit suicide? - That's romantic

OK! Let's do it together

Together? You're the one who wants her love! Not me!

Do you want me to go then?

Are you finished?

Can't you figure out another way?

That's easy

Just take her to the forest and rape her

I can even hold her hands for you

Asshole! Don't you have a better idea?

It depends on if you're willing to learn

To win a girl's heart, it's all in the eyes

Look!

Do I look sexy?

No! You look funny!

Stop messing around, Take a closer look!

How about now?

Forget you then!

OK! I'll stop laughing!

Don't laugh!

Let's do it again!

Do I look cool?

You smell so bad I can't answer that

Screw you then!

I'm spending my time trying to help you. And all you can think about is my smell?

This is how you talk to girls! This way first, and then that way

After that, then this part

After that, then this part! And then...

And then?

And then you kiss

Don't!

Is that you O-Yang Fong?

She's asking you

Are you asking me or him?

No, the guy behind you

- She's asking you not me? - Let's try out those moves okay

Come on! There she is, do it

What the hell are you doing?

I'm going to faint again!

He...

What happened?

He has something to say to you

What do you want to say?

I hate you!

Take this jerk!

You tried to kill me so you could have her!!

You just figured that out?

Remember me?

Take this!

Took me a long time, but I finally found you!

You probably thought I'd never find you

I already got your lover back, and I just gave you yours

What the hell was that? Oh god, now I can't see

I better leave before someone else beats me up

I'm outta here

Darling! You're nice to me!

Princess! Listen, I'm not your darling

Oh god! More humans!

Wang-Yo-Shu is a stinky beggar!

Although he's madly in love with the princess

The third princess is too weak

She's upset because that jerk broke up with her

Now she's out of her mind

I still haven't avenged my father's death

Otherwise, I'd marry you! Darling!

Why do you have to pretend you're happy?

Why do you have to ask when you know the answer?

Don't cry! Don't be sad!

Try on this boot

See if it fits, it'll make you feel better

I don't need to! It fits me perfectly

I'll tell you the truth! I killed your brother

Kill me!

Thanks for telling me! I'll do it for you

It'll be quick and painless

No! Don't kill my darling!

- Princess! - Your majesty!

Your Majesty? Is he here, too

The princess isn't in the best state of mind,

please just humor her

Darling! Come and see my father!

Hurry! Call on Your Majesty

My majesty!

Don't be so polite!

Take it easy! Don't be so polite

Brother!

What a coincidence! Since you're here call on your majesty

Brother! He asks us to call on Your Majesty

Kneel down!

Boundless blessings to Your Majesty

So the princess is here too

The mantis seizing the cicada, not knowing the oracle is just behind you

This time you can't get away from me

All of you stand up!

Great! I've finally avenged my brother

You're a real creep

How can you attack someone from behind?

Huang!

Are you ok?

What do you think?

That's your ex-boyfriend!

Cousin! Control yourself!

Don't yell at me in front of him. OK! I'll control myself

Shang Long eighteen fists!

Wow! that guy's crazier than me?

Chow! Do you like him?

I'll fix this

My friend!

Don't be so angry! She really likes you a lot

How do you know?

She just told me

How dare you talk to her?

Tong-Chu-Shen-Tong!

Shang Long eighteen fists!

Hu-Ho-Shun-Shin!

Da-Shen-Pi-Kwa!

Shen-Ren-Dan-Ru!

The monkey is stealing peaches

You're the Beggars' leader and you're using that cheap monkey move?

What... you're not better than me

I can use whatever moves I like!

Huang! Cousin!

Huang!

Are you ok?

Are you alright? Darling!

Weird! Why does this boot look so much like my old one?

Really?

He's scarier than us!

Maybe we can scare them to death

OK!

Are you afraid? Say! Why are you here?

Wow, monsters can talk?

I'm not a monster! I'm a bird

Hey! I'm the one asking questions here! Who are you?

I'm not a man!

Aren't you?

Did you ever see a man with such big ears and a large mouth?

What are you then? Tell us!

I'm a duck!

A duck?

I'm a clown duck! I-Ya-I-Ya-Yo!

He really is a duck!

Yeah! But I look a little bit like a human

By the way! Duckie! Why are you here on Dong Sha Mountain?

Here's the story

They forced me to help them get the book in that cave

Don't be afraid! They'll never find it

We hid it in the back of the mountain

Then I don't have to be afraid then

Well! I'll teach you one feigning tactics

Go and chase them away, ok?

I've got it! I've been looking so hard for you

Me too!

Don't run!

Don't kill my father!

Stop chasing me!

Stop! See I'll catch you

Human beings! They're hideous!

Go!

Don't kill my father!

Darling! Where are you?

A monster!

You can't run away from me this time!

I'll be unstoppable after I get the nine Ding

Where did you go?

So you mean the murderer is O-Yang Fong!

Are you lying to me?

Trust me!

We've found the three monsters! We can recover our land

Where's the princess?

Don't be afraid! Let me take a look at my crystal ball

Wow! Where'd you pull that big thing from?

O-Yang Fong took him away

Damn! He took the "Ding", too

Weird! Why can't I see that?

Easy, I know magic. You don't

If you want to catch them take this flying carpet

You can travel one thousand miles a day with it

You have to save the princess

before O-Yang Fong learns the skills of Jo-In-Jong-Jing

Let's go now!

Me too!

Queen! I haven't seen your lover for days?

Where could he be?

He's studying the top on fighting skill Jo-In-Jeng-Jin

No one is allowed to interrupt him when he's studying

Fong is going to master Jo-n-Jeng-Jin

before the Imperial Master comes back here

I'm a man combining the qualities of intelligence and bravery

I'm sure I can comprehend the subtlety of Jo-In-Jen-Jin

I heard the imperial master found many masters from Chung-Yun

Yeah! They'll never beat Fong!

My Royal Highness! An ambassador from Persia wants to meet you

Persia?

Well what are you waiting for?

The moment we talk about him, he'll come right away

The Persian Ambassador is here!

The Persian Ambassador! Aren't you going to say something to me?

Congratulations!

Imperial Master! Why are dressed like a Persian?

I used to be Persian!

I shouldn't trust anything you say

This time I want to save the princess

Where do you think you are?

You come as you wish and go as you wish

Look!

Look what I got here bitch!

It hurts so much

I took 7 bottles of "Chung-Ko-Chou stomach Medicine"

There's not even a little bit of crab's meat in my stomach

I told you before not to talk with her

Will you be quiet!

Take this!

Escort Your Majesty!

Get them!

Kill!

"Ton-Ju-Shen-Kong"

Jo-Cheng-Sheng Fist!

Bitch!

Look over there!

100 points! Virgin Sword style!

I'm going to get this

I can do this!

I'm so afraid! There's so many people! Where's the duck?

Chun-Jen Sword style!

Get him! Ask him where duck is

Let me help you!

Huang! Let's use "Speak with with your eyes" sword style

OK!

Why are you so intimate?

Go to hell!

Finger snap!

Da-Cheng-Ro-Chei!

Chi-Jon-Bu-Bi!

Da-In-Ro-Chon!

Chi-Jon-Wu-Chun!

Where's the duck?

- Huang! - Chow!

You were great!

You too!

What's the matter with you!

You can't look at him like that!

All dead!

And me!

So fast! One more!

You have to die!

Don't worry! I'll help you find her!

So many people died! it must be fate

I found the third princess!

Here she is!

They tried to fool us!

The Princess!

You're here! Imperial Master this is great!

Thanks!

She's in a coma. What should we do?

She was poisoned by the Queen

We can ask the queen to give us the antidote

Or we can just kill her

They want to kill me! No way!

Fong!

Here I come!

I'll let you live if you give it to me

Fong! I adore you!

If you're smart, you'll let the princess go

Otherwise, I'll kill your lover

Go ahead!

I want to marry the princess now

Go ahead, kill her

I can't believe you! You...

I should have known you're a liar

But I also prepared for this. Do you want to marry the princess?

I fed her "Taiwan's Rotten banana"! If you can neutralize the poison,

you can marry her

How can you be so cruel?

Give me the antidote

Medicine? Taiwan's rotten banana is stronger than what you had

Only the tear of a true lover can save her

He's the man who killed your brother

So that's you! I'll avenge my brother

I'll show you the power of Jo-In-Jeng-Jin

How can this be possible?

I'll teach you a lesson!

You came at the right time

I never imagined you were this good

Martial dragon is in the field

"Jo-In White Bone" plus "Toad Sheng-Kong"!

"Fat dragon in the sky!

"Toad sucking disk hand"

Cousin! Are you ok?

"Nine fingers interlocked ring Sheng Kong"!

Inhale!

Brother!

What's wrong?

Since he's so powerful, we should work together to beat him

I'll use my "Jo-Chun Fist" and "three flowers gathering on the top"

"Shan-Long-Eighteen Fist"!

"Dried Firewood Strong fire Fist"!

"Snapping fingers"!

Try my "Jo-In-White Bone paw"

Delicate touch upon the water surface

Attacking the vital point in the sky!

Mr. Wang, how dare you fight with me?

Now you're dead. No one can save you

The immortals descending to earth

It's Chi-Kon!

No! That's Mr. Dwan!

Who are you? You look like you're wearing a red envelope?

Do you think you're Chi-Kon?

Who are you? I've never seen you before

How dare you make such insulting remarks?

What kind of monster are you?

Have you ever seen such a big red envelope?

I told you I am an immortal!

Mr. Wang! If you wouldnt've said "I love you" to me

I wouldn't be what I am today

So if you have any problems,

I'll solve them all for you

He killed the Princess! Help me kill him to avenge her

Brother! I don't think so!

The first thing I do after descending from heaven is to kill someone??

I'm an immortal, not a professional killer

Even an immortal can die!

Why do you have to but in? Boundless Mercy Palm

Jo-In White Bone paw!

Sorry! Sorry!

I didn't know "Boundless Mercy Paw" was so powerful

Sir. Please stand up!

The monkey's stealing peaches

The immortal's picking grapes!

Didn't I tell you I'm an immortal?

If I have peaches then there'll be lots of little immortals

I'm sick of your mouth!

Fly!

Stop punching! You broke everything

Attack!

Mean person!

Attack!

Anti-attack!

So here you are!

Good! Give me that!

Brother! Here I am!

Why can't I see you?

What happened?

Where are you?

Here!

Do you have the guts to fight me?

Jo-In White Bone Paw!

It's over! You just killed a person!

You'll go to hell for that

Jo-In White Bone Paw!

You killed three more people! We had a deal not to kill anyone

I don't care! I'll do whatever I like

To save all beings!

I killed someone, too! What should I do?

Mr. Dwan! Those people you killed are all bad guys

Jade Emperor will forgive you

Mr. Dwan! Kill him now!

Can an immortal kill people?

If you don't go to hell, who will?

You're the bad guy!

I'll teach you a lesson if you dare say that again

Teach me a lesson? I'm the teacher here!!

The ninth style of "Jo-In-Jeng Pa" Wang-Fo-Chau-Jon

Wait a second?

That belongs to "Ru-Lai Palm"

I just enjoy using that

Do you think you can use whatever you like?

OK! See my fighting skill

Thunder split Scissors! Win by your draw, Slam, making two pairs

Accelerate!

Wan Fo Jau Jon!

Quit making stuff up!

Red chung! One tile of circle! No three sets! No four lines

This was fun! Wanna play again!

Banana plus Guava!

Don't say dirty words during Chinese New Year

Let me say some good luck greetings to you

Congratulation and be prosperous! Blossoms and a good fortune

Achieving things as you wish every year! Unexcelled luck and great prosperity

Be Peaceful every year! The older the stronger

You want some more? I'll give you a big one

East achievement west complement

The duck is here!

What's wrong?

They were fighting! But now they are offering New Year's greetings

Congratulations and be prosperous

Thanks!

Unexcelled luck and great prosperity

This is ridiculous!

Have a lotus nut! Have a lotus seed

I hope you have a baby soon!

Thanks!

Don't you worry! He's gone now!

Brother! That Indian won't make any trouble again

I'm just paying you back for everything

Thanks!

Hey! faggot!

I mean you!

I have these Han Ko pills. Take them and you can save Chen-Jen-Sun-Tsu

How come you only gave me 2?

I'm rich now! How do you think I got that way?

By giving things away?

Mix it with water! And cut it into 3 parts for them

That's it

The princess is still in a a coma! Shall I give her one?

If she dies, what will we do?

The movie is almost over. Of course I'll help you wake her up

Where is it!

Here it is! Swallow this pill

She'll wake up once you take it!

How can I swallow this?

Don't take that! that'll hurt coming out the other end!

Remember! Call me for tea sometime

See you next time, everybody

You're so bad!

Where's Uncle?

He's not dead! What the hell?!

Fong!

Mama! Papa! Let's go home!

When I see happy couples, it makes me think of my true love

Brother!

Brother! I missed you so much

Po-Tong! We're from different worlds

And we are both men

We could never be together

I know!

If you know that, why are your trying to hold my hand?

You can let go whenever you want.