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Fabulous Beth!

Not a move out of place.

It's just the year you win it all, darling.

Oh, thanks sweetheart.

Mwah.

You know, if your dad was with us,

he'd be really proud seeing his little girl win this race.

Hey, it's the 30th annual Spring Blast.

Well, he always said you made me a better skier.

And I think...

a better person.

But we'll have lots of friends at our wedding.

Almost all the invitations have finally come back.

And to the top of the jump once again,

and we have Francis Grant set to go.

This kid is poised to be one of the big birds of this sport.

A kid who can really...

Flaps up.

That's tight.

Ready for takeoff.

And he's in the lead with four.

One more, one break.

And the crowd is screaming,

I love you, Donnerburg!

He's not just the maintenance man,

he's the feel-good skier of the 90s!

Oh.

I could have made that.

Before the accident.

Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Put that clinch there anyway.

And a great takeoff.

Oh, yeah.

A grandmother's cleavage.

Twisty nippies and chocolate frosting!

Oh, oh!

Weak teeth caused that fall.

Calcium deficiency.

Needed to have center gravity right up...

Oh, Tatterberg, that feels so good.

Yes, doesn't it?

Oh, let me take my top off, Tatterberg.

Yes, and call your sister.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

I feel your pain!

Remember, pain is temporary.

Glory lasts forever!

Fun.

Oh, geez, I forgot this one.

I'm a bad boy.

Let's boogie!

Boogie down!

Let's party!

No money, eating out of cans

Make my home in the back of my van

White Tyler is all that I need

I let the thrill I get from downhill speed

Yeah!

Ski fun!

Head up to Aspen

Hit the rocket for some snow-covered action

Head up!

My dreams, if I'm gonna go to heaven

Thank God I've got my ski

Ski all day, party all night

You've only got one life, so live this life

Get to bed early to ride

Girls can't get enough of those ski...

What? What?

Shh! Boo!

No! With you, the clock. Goodbye.

Good morning, Dave Marshack begins...

Another day.

Thank you.

Hey, little fish.

Good morning. Gotta get the maid here.

Bill. Bill. Bill.

Hi, Bill. Bill. Bill.

My girl, Bill.

This is not a bill.

Mr. and Mrs. Remington Longwood invite you to the wedding of their son Stephen to...

Beth Roberts.

Beth.

That was a year ago.

I've been a walking fungus ever since.

It's a wedding. It's just a wedding.

It's a great place to meet chicks, free food.

She'll look nice in a wedding dress.

Hey! Hey, we're here!

We're here, Mr. Truck.

And... no.

This is not good.

This... come on, baby.

Come on.

There's just a few more hills.

Okay. Oil.

What about it?

Okay. What... I... no.

Hi, you got a bus engine?

You wanna give me a ride?

No.

Alex. Alex.

Hi.

Alex.

Alex. Alex.

Alex, you got any jelly?

Oh, hi. I'm Gina.

Gina Hoffinmeckler.

Gina Hoffinmeckler.

No, no, no, no. Hoffinmeckler.

Hoffinmeckler. That's nice.

It rhymes with...

absolutely nothing.

Listen, does Alex got any jelly around here?

Gina, did Alex use his entire stock of whipped cream with you?

It's for my toast.

Gina, what is it about Alex that makes women

want to drop their drawers within 15 feet of him?

Oh. Well, I guess nothing's changed.

The guy's still tired. He never sleeps.

How does he keep it up?

Look, does he have any jelly?

Don't give me jelly, Gina!

Alex!

Alex!

Alex!

Oh, hi, Dave.

Who is Steve Longwood?

He's the head ski instructor.

He got my job. Why didn't they promote you?

Look at me, Dave.

Okay, you've got a point.

Come on, get yourself together. Let's get out of here.

Alex, honey, come on back up here.

Okay, two seconds.

Alex, I don't think you've got any jelly left.

Alex!

Alex!

Alex!

♪

Hey, yeah.

I was studying yesterday.

Hey, how's it going?

Ah, back, back.

♪

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Name?

Lola Schnitzelbank.

Listen, I'm really sorry, Miss Schnitzel.

Your name's not on this list.

Well, maybe you could juggle a few balls

and put me in as a last-minute entry.

I'll, uh, see what I can do.

Uh, excuse me, miss, don't take this the wrong way,

but there is something metallic strapped to your back.

It's an easel. I'm a nude painter.

Bet you are, you little vixen.

Steve, you told the last person the entries were closed.

And to take a hike, you can't just shut up.

Shh.

Steve Longwood?

Yeah.

We're from the Old Boyfriend Society,

a watchdog group for grooms-to-be.

Now, according to our records, prior to her engagement to you,

Beth Roberts was involved with a handsome, witty,

fun-loving guy who pretty much fulfilled all of her needs.

So if you'll just sign this form,

our records will show that you're no longer interested in marrying Beth,

and we'll just get on out of here.

Hey, nice try, fella.

Hey, wait a minute.

I remember you. Yeah, you're David Marshack.

You used to be Top Dog around here until I took your place.

Who was it, Dave? Oh.

You broke too many rules

when Beth's dad had you thrown off the mountain.

And then Beth broke up with you.

Ah, gee, Dave.

Tough breaks all around, I guess.

She'd have known you'd be hanging around with the likes of him.

Hey, just watch your step.

So speaking of Miss Roberts, where is she these days?

Ah, she's right over there.

She happens to manage this mountain now.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Well, I happen to be at this mountain.

And you know, Steve, there's an old saying where I come from.

Oh, really?

What's that supposed to mean?

Don't get caught pumping up a flat dog.

Doy.

You didn't know what that meant.

Dave! Alex!

My men!

Hey! Yes, I'm back.

Again. So, still taking ski school?

Yeah, yeah, beginner's level, year five.

Good. I see it.

Dave, Dave, you are not gonna believe Beth.

Boy, has she changed.

I wish you luck, right?

Because Lord knows, I know how hard it is to hang on to a good woman nowadays.

Burp.

Excuse me. Chilly.

Yeah. Check you later.

Bye.

Excuse me, miss.

Oh, my God. This is freaking me out.

You look exactly like my ex-girlfriend.

But it couldn't be you, because she would never marry a guy like Steve Longwood.

She was wild. She was vivacious.

She wore these black garters.

I think I'll leave you two alone.

My good man Alex, you don't spend too much time with him, do you?

Well, thank you for asking, Dave. I'm fine. And you?

Well, I'm very glad you could make it.

Since I had no idea what became of you,

and I never got back your invitation,

and it is three days before the wedding.

Better late than never.

Dave, look, I'm very busy.

My father left the mountain to me.

I've got a lot of responsibilities now.

I was very sorry to hear about your father.

You know, when I knew him, he was always...

alive.

Look, I know you two didn't always get along.

No, no, Beth. North and South Korea didn't get along.

Your father couldn't stand me.

Come on. You were too wild, Dave.

What about the time that you switched my father's cereal with a box of tampons

because you thought he needed more fiber in his diet?

Well, he did.

Oh, please.

He wasn't the only reason we broke up.

You seem to be forgetting the fact that you couldn't make a commitment.

Commitment? Beth, come on. You know that's not my style.

Anyway, does that mean you go off and you marry Heinrich von Schmuck?

Steve's a good guy, Dave.

Well, he's...

He's stable...

and reliable...

handsome...

and willing to make a commitment.

But can he tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tie?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

No, that's just it. You know, things have changed.

I've changed.

Okay, so you're not wearing the same outfit. Big deal. This one's fine.

Look, I have to see to these other people, okay?

We'll talk later.

Do you believe that?

Commitment? Responsibility?

Oh! Mmm! Mmm!

Well, I guess I should be thankful you don't have this effect on me.

Hi, Tatebert.

Hi, Dave.

Well, it's nice to see that some people haven't changed around here.

I'm 3 inches shorter.

So what's with the bat-like position?

Well, Dave, I tried a variation on the Pilates certain death flip.

Ah, a variation.

Yes, Dave.

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it.

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it.

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it.

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it.

Ah, a variation.

Yes, Dave. With the Pilates, you have to use a variation.

Why is that again?

He died.

Anyway, this Steve guy snapped up Beth quicker than you can say Tian Gulei Al.

The turtles, they were crying.

In Mandarin Chinese.

Well, well, well. That isn't Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dick.

Hello, Alice.

I'm sorry I'm late today.

Well, it just so happened I was selling her a set of steak knives

just to help your married life sparkle.

There, now don't you feel sheepish?

I am sorry I shouldn't mention sheep around you.

Sorry, Mr. Bigwood.

It's Longwood, asshole.

Now, you listen to me, and you listen good, pal.

I don't like you. I've never liked you.

In fact, if it wasn't for Beth, I'd...

Have had a sex change long ago.

Oh, shut up. I'm talking this little asswipe right here.

Well, this piece of asswipe over here happens to be my friend.

The one that makes me sick. The one I'm gonna throw off this mountain.

Throw off the mountain? Okay. All right.

Okay, buddy. All right. All right.

Your brother refills cream donuts.

I'm an only child.

Your grandmother's so old, she parts dust.

I never knew my grandmother.

Your father should have pulled out early.

Huh? Huh?

He did.

Your mother gives handjobs to statues.

Won't you ever talk about my mommy... mother?

Top of the morning, Miss Roberts.

Hello, Totterberg.

What stage, honey, I see you and Dave have met.

Yeah, we were just talking about our families.

Yeah, well, I have a ski class to teach.

Coming, Beth?

Not much with you.

Excuse me, I beg your pardon.

Such a view!

Well, I'm glad you two had a chance to meet.

See you around, Dave.

Well, now I know what she sees in a guy.

Friendly.

♪

♪

Oh.

Right. Your turn.

Me?

What?

What I just did.

I don't know.

Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha!

It's easy. You just gotta have the stomach for it.

No, thanks, man.

No takers here.

No.

Come on, you can do it. Come on.

No. No, you can do this.

Steve, no, this is a beginner's class.

I'm just a beginner.

Uh...

Shouldn't we do this with a net?

Piece of cake.

Cake is good.

This is gonna be a scream.

Steve, you know, it looks kind of dangerous.

Shut up, Lee-Lee.

Come on, chicken.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Oh!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ha, ha!

Oh!

Ah!

Oh, wow!

Ow! Damn it, man!

God!

Ah!

Oh, shoot!

Whoa!

Oh, man!

Whoo!

Get away, pal!

Ah!

Ah!

Oh!

Nice try.

But you'll be repeating again.

So that's what a nude painter does.

Mm.

You see, this has no effect on me.

I'm very focused, very directed.

My sights are set on death, Alex.

And not one crude thought is running through my mind.

Maybe a line or two about what it would be like

to stretch her out across a canvas,

but nothing else.

Take off your clothes.

I'll take your picture.

Print up some postcards, hey, you never know.

We'll sneak into the dark room late at night

When nobody is looking

And hold all your negatives up to the light

And see right through them

Come on, you wimps, let's go!

We'll think of something

Maybe a quick drill in the patio

Or take off your clothes

Oh, shit!

Whoa!

Son of a bitch!

You gotta be careful there, Steve.

Skiing is a very dangerous sport.

I'm gonna get you, Jake, man.

I did it!

This did not happen again.

Oh, gosh, boss.

I think the odds are for being out here again

While you're leaving the class.

Not her, you idiot! David Marshack!

You think he'd be painting naked out here?

Listen to me.

He's gotta get a warning to stay away from Beth.

I want you to handle it.

I did too much riding on this wedding

To let that little shit screw it up.

Beth, listen.

Steve and I, we have really bonded.

We're like this. I mean it. It's amazing.

Well, good. I'm glad to hear it.

I was thinking that later on

All 3 of us could get together, have a drink.

I was thinking about maybe O'Dougals.

O'Dougals? Dave, I'm not sure O'Dougals

Is how you remember it.

How different could it be?

This is great. This is great!

Dave? Yeah?

I don't seem to be having any effect on the ladies here.

Nope.

What, Jim?

Fantastic.

Yeah, where's the men's room?

The men's room?

The men's room.

Right this way. I'll show you the men's room.

Hey, I can squat.

We'd like to suggest holding it in.

Yeah, we're pushing back in.

Both very workable suggestions.

Stewardess? Stewardess?

What did you say?

Could we see menu?

A menu?

Okay, what are those specials?

This place came very highly recommended in that little guide

They gave me at the rent-a-car place.

It's not a good idea, all right? Please?

Come on, let's go. Come on.

No, no, no, no. Come on, come on. It's gonna be fun.

Steve-a-rino! I heard this was your hangout.

You wild man!

So...

What can I get you?

Um, I'll have a vodka tonic, thank you.

Don't mention it.

What about Captain Cheesedick here?

Excuse me, what did you just call me?

Ah, don't get your panties in a vod.

Sweet cheeks. I'll get you a Virgin Mary.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'll get you a Virgin Mary.

I'm going!

Let's move it out of here, okay?

I'm going!

Hey, yeah, so I shouldn't have tossed my recyclables into the regular trash.

Man, resort town's really cracked down.

She must go on. That's the first one this week.

Anyone want to bartend?

Hey, hey, hey!

How about a sex on the beach?

One sex on the beach, come on!

Get the hell out of here with that sex on the beach!

Slow, comfortable, screw up against the wall.

One slow, long, comfortable, screw up against the wall.

I'll have a screaming orgasm.

Ah!

Thank you, orgasm. Screaming out of here.

Ah!

How about a bend me over and do me like a dog?

Woo!

Here you go.

Miss Lillay, what can I do for you?

Oh, I don't know. Um, how about a bite me, damn it?

One bite me, damn it.

Come on now.

Okay, I think that's just about enough, sweetheart.

Come on, this is fun.

Honey, come on. We've got a wedding rehearsal luncheon that we're expecting at tomorrow.

Bye, Dave.

Aren't you gonna stay and try my drink?

That's okay, Dave.

Oh, shit.

Tonight's the night.

I want him taken for a very long ride.

Are you listening to me?

I want him off my mount.

I'm not gonna let you do this.

I'm not gonna let you do this.

I'm not gonna let you do this.

I want him off my mount.

Oh, my God.

Not bad. All right.

This one is good.

This one is good.

That helps.

Can't hear a thing.

Can't hear a thing, don't wanna hear a thing.

Daddy, that's an exit.

Excuse me.

Wanna know what I've been up to

I got sick and tired of lying face down in the road

We're all messed up and no place to go

Well, I'm ready, I've let my toe

I guess you gotta do something when you wake up in the cold

I'm up and about, heading for home

I got someone waiting to see me when I'm gone

I'm on my way, stay around

I got somewhere I got to be and I can't go down

Can't go down, I can't go down

All right.

I can't go down

To the left of our tram, you'll notice the set from the 1937

cult classic Killer Librarians from Crab Town.

This, of course, was later remade by Hollywood and became the cult classic E.T.

Just up ahead, you'll see the Chasm of Death, used in the wonderful film

Dave Buys the Farm.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

A warm welcome to all of you here for the 30th annual Spring Blast.

And what would the Spring Blast be without the traditional slush cup?

Let's have a big hand for our contestants. They're really making a splash out.

And don't forget, there's a special prize today for the most original dash in this drip, the heck.

Up at the top of the end run, now we've got, uh, I'm not sure what it is.

Hey, check it out. It's a fan of a song.

Oh, yeah, slush cup! Slush cup!

Slush cup, daddy! Slush cup! Everybody, slush cup!

I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!

And here is your score for the cult classic.

Don't forget, there's a prize for the winner of that category.

Here, there will be a card with the name of the King.

What a blast!

Adrian! Adrian!

Adrian!

The 30th annual Spring Blast continues with the preliminary heats of the Mogul competition.

A traditional favorite event here at the Spring Blast, we've seen some super performances from the men so far.

And it's expected the Mogul event has been a real crowd pleaser.

Remember, it's a combination of best time and best performance, especially in the aerials, that will determine the winner.

The bigger the air, the better you fare here at the Spring Blast.

And let's go up to the top of our course now and start on the women's competition.

First up, we have a preliminary heat between newcomer Lola Schnitzelbank, dark horse in this event, and our own Beth Roberts.

Remember what we talked about. Precision. Okay? Keep it crisp. Keep it tight.

Did I mention fiancé? No flashy stuff, all right?

Yes, they've chosen the Spring Blast week to duel slalom down the aisle.

Now let's see if Love and Steve's coaching has any effect on Beth's command of the Mogul course.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Whoo!

Lola Schnitzelbank is a clear winner of this one.

But who knows? These two gals could wind up in the finals against each other tomorrow,

which just happens to be Beth Roberts and Steve Longwood's wedding day.

These two lovebirds may have more than skiing on their mind.

Now let's go back up to the top of the course for our next matchup.

Here's a couple of fine young competitors just approaching the gate.

Margaret!

Joyce.

No, Dave. Dave Marshak. Me and my friends are here to stuff the sausages for today's event.

I don't have you down here.

Yet.

Well, if you've stuffed the sausages.

We stuffed them full and true.

My name's Alex.

Oh, hecker's here. Let me make you up some name tags.

And take a program, too.

So what's your name?

Todd or Bert Gizinski.

Todd or Bert?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, where did you get a name like that?

Well, when I was born. Pop it in space.

I'm a pop it.

Well, where did you get a name like that?

Well, when I was born. Pop it in speak much English.

He told the doctors that I should be called Todd or Bert.

You know, but in those days, he spoke real fast.

Dodder it! Dodder it! Over-sod it! Dodder it! Dodder it!

Faster! That hurts!

Are you glad you asked?

Oh, and that's Gizinski. Like the cheese.

Excuse me.

I don't recall inviting you.

No, no, you did. It was right after we pricked our fingers

and promised to become blood brothers.

Dave, the only prick around here happens to be you.

Good one.

Steve, you know, I'm sorry I'm late.

I had a really rocky sleep last night.

Thing is going bump in the night, slipping, sliding.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

No, I don't.

I'm sorry. I'm late.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

No, actually, I slept like a log.

Ahem! Ahem!

Hi.

Hi. Well, look who's here.

Sweetheart, you're not in the wedding party.

Oh, I know, but he came this far, and he got all dressed up,

which is rare for him.

I also, Miss Roberts.

So I see.

This is strictly not...

I'm sure it'll be okay, as long as you boys behave yourselves.

We'll behave ourselves.

See, Steve? Everything's gonna be just peachy.

♪ Fee-wa-chee-na-foo-sah... ♪

I think that's wrong, that whole song.

Mmm-mmm.

A couple more of these, and I'll look good.

So, they gave me some tests a few years ago.

Not so much electricity. This time.

Call me!

And the wife turns to me and says,

here comes a good part.

Leonard, the dessert part is the bigger one.

Oh, I get it.

God!

Ah, the dessert part!

It's the bigger one!

I get it!

I get it!

I get it!

Oh!

The dessert part is the bigger one!

I've wet myself! I love a good fork story!

Tell me more.

I haven't said a word yet.

Tell me again.

Oh, shut up! You talk too much!

Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Longwood and his lovely fiancée,

Beth Roberts, would like to welcome you to their rehearsal luncheon.

They are delighted to see so many friends from here and out of town

for tomorrow's wedding, and they wish you all a wonderful afternoon.

Please draw your attention to the dance floor

as our happy couple gets the dancing started here this afternoon.

Jump! No! Don't jump!

You have so much to live for!

Did it work?

I gave them proper instructions, but they panicked.

Steve, there's a لكن for you.

Yeah, in a minute.

That guy says it's important.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I'll be right back.

Hello, Dave.

Hello, Steve Longwood. Who is this?

This is Rear Admiral McSpecter

with the Volunteer Fire Department.

Don't panic, but near as me and the boys can tell,

you got a cold Zebra Zero-Niner

ripping through your sunroom.

Chicken dance!

I don't have a sunroom.

Will you get your head together, man?

Don't make me come through this phone

and slap some man into you.

Now listen up.

I don't have a sunroom.

Will you get your head together, man?

Don't make me come through this phone

and slap some man into you.

Now listen up.

What exactly is a Code Zebra Zebra-Niner?

Well, that's pretty obvious.

Are you ready, animal?

Hmmm..

All right, now.

Now, when you were a kid and you were playing fort,

you remember that?

You were out in your grassy knoll

playing fort with your cardboard box

and a big bag of fried flour,

and you had nothing to worry about in the world.

You had not a care in the world.

And the big fat kid from across the way would come.

Hey, thank you.

Remember, children under six

enjoy complimentary chicken thighs.

That kid was enormous.

He must have weighed 260 pounds in the sixth grade.

And he'd just be sitting there not bothering anybody,

and he'd...

Why, yes, sir.

In fact, I'll personally come up

and give you a cream massage.

Sorry, Mr. Lungfish.

It's Lung... Cassette...

What the...

Lung... Cassette...

What the hell is going on here?

Get the music.

This is not in the program!

Davy, Davy, Davy.

You know I could have you arrested?

Chicken dancing with intent to untighten asses.

I'd have my own cell in the joint.

Listen to me. I'm marrying Beth,

and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

And not only that, your little freak friend here

is gonna be building snow forts to live in

once I give him the boot.

I don't think you have that authority, Freulein.

You know something, Davy? You're right.

I don't.

Not yet. Get him out of here.

Come on.

No, no, no, no, not him.

Please, not him.

Oh, dear God! Not my joy board!

Damn it!

Whoa!

I see you're working on that zany, carefree style of yours.

Who asked you?

Just trying to be supportive.

Yeah, right.

Just like your shenanigans on the dance floor.

You're out of control, Dave.

So, uh, how long has it been since you've done that?

Come on. I still do that.

Yeah, not that I've seen.

I mean, I'm sure you can probably do it if you say you can,

but if you can't, yeah, I understand.

Wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss.

See? That was fun.

We can have fun.

Remember the time we went heliskiing and got lost?

Had to spend the night on a mountain?

Yeah, it was cold.

It was cozy.

Yeah.

We never did ski Death Row together.

We will. Someday.

I'm not sure I want to go.

I'll see you later, Dave.

He's just not for you.

I'd say that's looking pretty good.

Listen, I don't think you need a brush-up lesson,

but, you know, that's why I'm here.

That's what you paid me for.

Did you say brush-up?

Do you remember when you last saw me with a brush?

Yeah, listen, if you're referring to that little incident yesterday,

I really wouldn't want you to misunderstand.

Maybe I could give you a few lessons.

I like your face enough to...

sit...

for a portrait.

See you later, Steve.

What's her story?

Huh? Oh, nothing.

Nothing, hey, nothing.

Steve?

Yeah?

You don't think I've become boring or anything?

I'm fun, aren't I?

Of course you are, darling.

You think if you weren't fun, you could have snagged a guy like me?

Huh? Come here.

That's my girl.

Oh, yes, I love you.

I love you, yes.

I just want to tell you kids what a cute couple you make.

Oh, Steve, I'm so sorry.

I thought that was Lola. I...

Just a minute.

Just why do you think that little runt bastard didn't get the message last night, Lee?

Steve, you never told me to give him a message.

You told me to take him for a long ride off the mountain.

Oh, never mind, you little twerp.

Did you know that little creep was with my Beth all afternoon?

Yeah, but weren't you with that Lola woman?

Would you shut up?

What does that have to do with anything?

Nothing, I guess.

Yeah, well, you guessed right.

Oh, jeez, there's that little no-mind.

God, I hate him.

Every time I'm gonna kick his ass off this mountain.

Only about a million times.

I just don't get how he's been here so long.

Hey, Beth's dad and I had an arrangement.

Beth doesn't know about it.

Got the old man to sign a deal just before he kicked.

It says that if I marry Beth, I get control of the entire mountain.

That's a pretty lot.

Yeah, damn straight.

Dave?

Yeah?

Alex?

Alex, Alex.

Don't die on me, man.

Can it be true if you were living baff to death?

Don't do that to me, man.

Well, now, isn't this cozy and convenient?

Steve, that NAMBLA meeting let out early?

Look, Dave, this is the last time I'm gonna see you.

Look, Dave, this is the last time I'm gonna warn you.

Quit screwing up our wedding plans.

Now, Steve, I know that the feelings you have for me are confusing you.

That's natural.

Oh!

Yeah.

Uh, look, Dave, it's been real.

And all good things must come to an end.

Hi, fellas.

You must be looking for the donkey rides.

Well, apparently they left town as soon as they heard you were arriving.

So...

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Dave, man. Dave, man. Dave, man. Dave, man.

What the hell happened to you?

I cut myself shaving.

Well, Steve's definitely on my shit list now.

Then you're gonna have a serious logjam in a second.

Guess what I just found out. What?

Steve conned Beth's old man.

The only reason he's marrying Beth is so he can take over the mountain.

That doink. If they're getting married tomorrow, we gotta do something.

Beth's at her bachelorette party tonight,

and Steve will be off at his.

Perfect.

Listen, you concentrate on Beth. Don't worry about Steve.

He'll have his hands full.

All righty.

Well, hello, Mr. Rip Van Winkle.

Okay, women, hide Alex.

Oh!

Ladies.

Hey.

Hey, what are you guys... What are you guys doing?

Ooh! Ah!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Look.

Are you gonna say anything?

Those are great.

Um, I mean, this is great.

Yes.

Wow.

Smooth talker.

Uh, I'd like to ask for your help.

Um, you see, a few of the guys, you know,

are gonna get together, crash a party,

and, uh, it's just that, uh,

just the guy's getting married tomorrow, you know, so we wanna...

Steve Longwood?

Steve! Uh, Steve!

Why didn't you say so?

But there is something you can do for me.

Name it.

♪

♪

♪

♪

Raven eyes

Poured lips

Milk white thighs

Got a love of her sweet hips

Ooh, my baby's gonna scratch my door

Come midnight

Yeah, my baby's gonna knock once more

Come midnight

I get so restless

She leaves me breathless

Oh, flesh and fire

Oh, she's got a deep desire

And then comes up

The sun goes down

She drives me wild

I start a little love

I start a little love

Snoring

Oh, yeah.

Hello. Studleys?

Yes, you had a strip-a-cram scheduled for Beth Roberts' bachelorette party

later this evening?

Yes, well, there's been a change in venue.

Could you please send your steaming hunk of men

to O'Dougal's Bar in town?

That's right, O'Dougal's. I know that!

That would be very sweet. You're very sweet.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Ooh, my!

What a fetching ensemble.

Well...

Well, what?

Try it on.

No.

Oh, come on! Put it on, Viv!

You think so?

Sure.

God, when is that stripper getting here?

Shh!

Tch!

¶ Al-Fatino's!

¶ There's a reset, there's a reset!

¶ Al-Fat...

Mommy!

There's my sister!

There's my special buddy!

Hey, listen.

And you don't forget.

Take that special delivery letter

over to that idiot,

Handyman's Cabin.

Hmm?

Hey!

Huh?

I'll do it tonight.

All right.

This time tomorrow.

All this gum will be off.

All I gotta do is marry old...

Beth.

Ha-ha!

¶ Is it love, is it love?

¶ The bush comes to shove

¶ It's time, love

¶ It's time, love

¶ It looks like we're killed

¶ This is me

¶ It's time, love

This is me!

¶ It's time, love

I'm real hot.

Give me that gum.

It's perfect.

Okay, just hold on.

Just don't press this button yet.

This is already set and the car will automatically move.

You want a number to make a date?

Well, she says maybe.

I'm always late.

She's so suggestive.

You breathe a trance.

You're breathing heavy.

With a surprise in your face.

Can you ever get enough?

She's gonna shake in his pants.

I'm just gonna blow up.

Hold on, just let me...

Mmm!

Watch out.

Is it lust, is it love?

When push comes to shove, it's tough love.

It's tough love.

It looks like a kill.

Is this heaven or hell?

It's tough love.

It's tough love.

Get out of the way!

Get the fuck away!

She's struggling.

Oh, my!

Come on back!

I'm coming, I'm coming.

That's what you'll be saying tomorrow night.

That's not what I heard.

I know, me too.

You know, they haven't even done it.

You guys!

We're supposed to be showing our support.

If you wanted her to have support,

you wouldn't have bought her that teddy.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Tell the truth, Beth.

Could you get Steve hot like that?

Of course.

Sure, sure.

Oh, come on.

So our relationship is just a little more,

well, conventional.

So...

There's more to getting married than...

Oh, cut the analytical crap!

Where's the damn stripper?

Baby we got, baby we got

Us between us, no

Baby we got, baby we got

Us between us, baby we got

It's time for love, it's time for love

Are you ready to make art history?

Oh, God, she's painting their bodies.

What?

She's painting their bodies.

It's time for love

Dave's gonna thank us.

Beth gets a little shot, she's gonna dunk this guy for sure.

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

Oh, God, I think they're gonna do it!

Do what?

I'm ready for you, Dave.

Oh, yeah.

It's time for love

Get out of the way!

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

It's time for love

Get out of here!

I'll save you!

I told Steve that it was just gonna be us.

I mean, we're getting married tomorrow.

I don't want him to get mad.

I mean, what am I gonna tell him that we were doing tonight?

He's here! He's here! He's here!

mutual affection, and still I don't know where it led to.

We tied it before they proposed to me.

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You can do it!

You are out of your mind.

It's a tough job.

Somebody's got to do it.

Oh, I think I just might remember what I taught you.

Let's hit the trail, babe.

Come on!

Yeah!

Ha!

Yeah!

So, Beth, so you're not going to marry Steve tomorrow, A-9?

Miss.

Um, no, Dave, I am marrying Steve.

D-4.

Miss.

Okay, what about this?

What if this Steve guy is an alien and he's replaced you with someone else?

D-9.

Miss.

Dave, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing here.

E-9.

Miss.

Listen, Beth, I'm not asking you to give up much, just your plans for Saturday and every

Saturday after that.

F-9.

Hit.

So you're saying that you're ready to make a F-7?

Hit.

Yes, I'm ready.

With the car to pick you up at A-7.

Miss.

All right.

Yes, lately I've been confused.

Beth, you should be confused.

Listen, I gotta tell you something.

The only reason this Steve guy is marrying you is so he can...

Oh, my God.

Steve.

He managed to gurgle enough to tell me he's gonna be marrying you in the morning.

Suck my battleship.

You mean, he...

He's gonna be marrying you?

Yeah.

He's gonna be marrying you.

I don't know what he's talking about.

You mean, he...

You did this?

I told him.

Watch his zany, unpredictable side.

But did he listen?

No, he didn't listen.

No, Dave, you're the one who has to listen.

Look at him.

Well, I've always been a big fan of his wardrobe.

Oh, shut up.

Listen, I don't think you'd be so upset if you knew that your fashion-flavored fiancé

here was marrying you.

That's enough, okay?

He could have got pneumonia out there.

Look, my fiancé needs my help right now.

Just get out.

It would make me very happy if I never had to see you again.

Oh, and as far as the wedding is concerned, consider yourself uninvited.

So you want me to leave?

Women, huh?

♪♪♪

Election notice?

Steve Longwood?

President?

How long have I been asleep?

You there!

What year is it?

Well...

Welcome to our final day of racing here at the 30th annual Spring Blast.

It's been a great week of spring skiing here,

and we're gonna wrap things up with a classic confrontation

in the Women's Mogul Final.

Break a leg.

You too.

Your, uh, almost-husband left quite a sight last night.

What do you know about it?

Honey, I was the one that got him halfway there.

The naked panther part, anyways.

Screw this precision crack.

I'm going back to Beth's basics.

Hey, nothing happened.

Prepare to lose, bitch.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Out of the gate, the racers are putting all they've got into the bumps.

It's a tough, demanding event,

and right now Beth Roberts is showing some aggressiveness

that we didn't see yesterday.

She's got a lot of pressure under her skin

because she's really pounding those bumps.

They're very close going into the first aerial,

and that's a beautiful spread eagle by Beth.

Mola is just a little behind, and she displays her reliable style.

A perfect landing, and these two racers are neck and neck.

It may come down to the best performance on the next aerial,

but Beth Roberts has been conservative so far this week.

Let's see what she can muster here.

A 360! Beth Roberts has pulled off a perfect 360,

and Mola can't match it.

Beth is now well ahead in style points,

and she'll cross the finish line

as a clear winner here at the Spring Blast.

Ladies and gentlemen, our own Beth Roberts

is the Women's Global Champion here at the Spring Blast.

No doubt her coach, Steve Longwood,

deserves much of the credit.

That's with those moves, honey. That's not what we worked out.

Don't talk to me about working things out.

What?

Hey, I said nothing happened.

We didn't do anything.

Not that I didn't try.

Nice try, Lola. I mean, I figured you'd be a sore loser.

Don't you think it's kind of rude to take me down with you?

Hey, what the heck, honey? You won.

Nice going.

Personally, I don't think the wimp's worth it,

but you kicked my ass.

She's way too good for you, Chizzle Chess.

Let's hear it once again for the new Women's Mogul Champion

and her soon-to-be husband,

our very own ski school director, Steve Longwood.

Let's hear it for Beth and Steve.

Let's hear it for ski school!

Let's rock.

This was Dad's favorite hats.

Good.

For those irregular moments.

Tattlerbert, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

You know me. I land on my feet like a dog.

I'll sleep with older women for appliances

or maybe open up that 8-track repair store.

I can't believe this. I'm so depressed.

I even go to good night's sleep, if you know what I mean.

Hmm. I misspelled pencil dick.

Hey, guys.

What gives?

What, are you kidding?

No, I'm not kidding.

So Beth's getting married. Big deal.

Look at you all, feeling sorry for yourselves.

Tattlerbert, you think you're getting kicked off this mountain?

Alex, look at you all, rested and refreshed. It's pitiful.

And Tomcat, you're thinking,

there goes beginner's level, year six.

Well, frankly, I think, guys, we're better than that.

You know, Dave, I wish you'd just lay off.

Just get off our backs!

Yeah, we blew it. We didn't get your pictures.

We didn't get your pictures! We didn't get your...

Let me see the pictures. Let me see the pictures!

Dave. Oh.

We can work with these.

Dave, the girl's getting married in three hours.

Give it up. It's over. It's done.

Stick a fork in it. Stick a fork in it.

Stick a fork in it.

Did Columbus stick a fork in the Nina, the Santa Maria,

and whatever that third ship was?

The pinata?

Did the astronaut stick a fork on the moon?

I believe it was Uranus.

Did Cindy Crawford stick a fork in Richard Gere?

Well, anyway, are we gonna let a little shitstain

like Steve Longwood tell us what to do?

No. Let me hear you.

No. And are we gonna let you lose the only job

that you were even remotely qualified for?

No! And am I gonna show Beth Roberts

that I am the man she needs?

No! No! No!

What? Yes.

Well, um, I...

You know, you had us going the one way, and then you...

Anyway, what are we gonna do to Steve Longwood?

We're gonna pummel the bastard!

Yeah!

We'll make mincemeat out of him! Yeah!

I'll take a needle-nose pliers, grab his uvula,

pull it out of his mouth, staple-gun it to a 2x4,

and he's a human paddle-ball game!

Okay, we're gonna remember that.

If we use it, you'll get full credit.

Now, let's...

Go!

What do you say we go to this wedding in style

in my brand-new cherry red Beemer?

Yeah, but Steve, how could you afford a car like that?

I borrowed the money. Why not?

Three hours, the mountain, Beth,

all of her assets are gonna be mine.

And that reminds me.

Make sure that you get that eviction notice up

immediately after the wedding.

Man, I'd love to see that asshole's face.

But Steve, I already...

Sure!

Hey! Taxi!

Come on, stop.

Stop!

Come on, I'm late for my damn wedding!

Asshole!

Oh, my God.

Well, I'm glad you could make it.

Don't start with me, Beth. Please, do not start.

Get in there.

Look, sweetie,

let's just get through this, okay?

Psst.

Oh, my God.

Dearly beloved,

we gather today to join Stephen with Beth

in the bonds of matrimony

so that they may know

how much all of us here honor their union.

I ask all of you to read aloud with me

an inspirational passage

from page 6 in your program.

We all know that the path of righteousness

We all know that the path of righteousness

is fraught with temptations,

grinning minions of the devil himself.

There are beasts with the heads of men.

But we dare not succumb to fleshy pleasures.

For we know that a bird in the hand

is worth two in the bush.

I can see that you don't wish to read with me,

but I can assure you

I can see that you don't wish to read with me,

so I'll just press on.

I would now ask that the symbols of this great union,

the rings, be brought forth.

What do you think you're doing, you idiot?

I am the ringmaster.

Before Stephen and Beth exchange vows today,

a good friend of theirs

would like to commemorate their union

with a song, a very special song.

Joyce?

I'm sorry.

Wedding bells ringing

New love is gro...

Oh!

New love is growing

Backside has spoken

Like a little bird

Ready and perky

My breasts are heaving

I'm not wearing any underwear

Because I'm finally confining

Mount me like a star

Young!

Yes!

That'll bring you

Back to me if I'm naughty

Why don't we just...

I... I...

Where were we?

Come on, come on.

If there is anyone present here

who objects to this union,

then let him come forward now,

speak his piece, or be forever silent.

Stop!

You wish to speak your piece?

No.

So then no one else here objects to this union.

Ah!

No, not me.

Very well.

Let us proceed with the vows.

Now wait just one gosh darn minute.

Who's that?

It's me, you fool, the man upstairs.

And I am pissed off!

So am I. That's it.

Beth Roberts, please step forward.

So what's the deal here, Beth?

You seem to have plum forgotten

what a great thing you had going with the Dave man.

All right, Morshak, knock it off!

Ah, it is Steve,

the man who, unbeknownst to Beth,

made a deal with her father

so he could gain control of the mountain

and then banish her friends

from the mountaintop forevermore.

And the guy who will doom Beth

to an eternal blazing barefoot and pregnant hell!

I mean, heck!

Hey, get that shit out!

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtains!

Go ahead, Beth, ask him.

You're not gonna listen to these idiots.

Look what they've done to our wedding!

Ahem!

Ahem!

This'll be hard.

You son of a bitch.

Cupcake. Our friends.

Get out!

Honey, control yourself.

No, control this!

Oh, wait!

Oh!

If your daddy could see you now...

Out!

Whoo!

Come on, Sue!

Beth! Beth, no! No!

Beth! Beth! Beth!

Go down! Go down! Go down!

I'll help you, love

I'll help you, love

All you want is...

A heart you so take

I can't promise

We'll last forever, though

It's all I've been dreaming of

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You need to work on your technique.

Ski school?

Private lessons.

As your schedule?

I'm available.

I'm available.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Take a chance on love

Take a chance on love

I can't promise

We'll last forever, though

It's all I've been dreaming of

bass solo

piano solo

piano solo