Original subtitles

(GU NS H OT)

TH ERAPIST: Tell me about your morning.

Sta rt from the beg i n n i ng .

I woke u p.

TH ERAPIST: H ow d id you sleep?

I d id n 't. I don 't.

You j ust sa id you woke u p.

I stopped lyi ng down .

AIone?

Of cou rse, a lone.

I mea nt Rosie. You r da ug hter.

U h, she's with friends.

Why?

Ca n 't a lways cope.

And last n ig ht wasn 't good .

It's u ndersta nda ble.

Is it, why? Why is it u ndersta nda ble?

Why does everyth i ng have to be u ndersta nda ble? (CH UCKLES)

Why ca n 't some th i ngs be u naccepta ble? And we ca n j ust say that.

I on ly mea n it's okay.

I' m letti ng my da ug hter down . H ow the hell is that okay?

You j ust lost you r wife.

And Rosie j ust lost her mother.

TH ERAPIST: You are holding yourself to an unreasonable standard.

JO H N : No, Im failing to.

So, there is no one you ta lk to? Confide i n?

N o one.

Oh, I' m picki ng u p Rosie th is afternoon .

After I see my thera pist.

Got a new one. I' m seei ng her today.

MARY: Are you gon na tell her a bout me?

N o.

Why not?

-'Ca use I ca n 't. -Why not?

Beca use I ca n 't, you know I ca n 't. She th i n ks you ' re dead .

Joh n, you 've got to remem ber, it's i m porta nt.

I a m dead .

Please. For you r own sa ke a nd for Rosie's.

Th is isn 't rea l. I' m dead .

-Joh n, look at me. -Mm m .

I' m not here. You know that, don 't you?

Okay. I' ll see you later.

TH ERAPIST: Is there anything youre not telling me?

(CH UCKLES) N o. (CLEARS TH ROAT)

What a re you looki ng at?

N oth i ng .

You keep g la nci ng to my left.

Oh, I su ppose I was j ust looki ng away. (CH UCKLES)

There is a d ifference between looki ng away a nd looki ng to.

-I tend to notice these th i ngs. -I' m su re.

N ow, I a m rem i nd i ng you of you r friend, I th i n k.

That's not necessa ri ly a good th i ng .

Do you ta lk to Sherlock H olmes?

I haven 't seen h i m .

N o one's seen h i m . H e's locked h i mself away i n h is flat.

God knows what he's u p to.

Do you bla me h i m?

I don 't bla me h i m . . . I don 't th i n k a bout h i m .

Has he attem pted to ma ke contact with you?

N o !

H ow ca n you be su re? H e m ig ht have tried .

N o, if Sherlock H olmes wa nts to get i n touch,

that's not someth i ng you ca n fa i l to notice.

(TTRES SCREECHI N G)

(CAR ALARM RI N GI N G)

(SI RENS WAI LI N G)

(DDE TDjDY P LAYI N G FROM CAR RADIO)

Well, now.

Won 't you i ntrod uce me?

(TH EME MUSIC P LAYI N G)

- (I N DISTI N CT CHATTER) -Hello. Thank you, thank you.

H ello.

Mr Sm ith, whenever you ' re ready.

N ow, please.

Bri ng them th roug h .

It's d ifficu lt havi ng such good friends.

Friends a re people you wa nt to sha re with .

Friends a nd fa m i ly.

What's the very worst th i ng you ca n do...

to you r very best friends?

(CH UCKLES)

Someth i ng on you r m i nd?

Yes, Si mon . Oh yes.

Whatever you tell us, stays i n th is room . I th i n k I spea k for everyone.

(ALL MU RMU RI N G)

WOMAN : Well, what is the worst th i ng you cou ld do?

Tell them you r da rkest secret.

Beca use,

if you tell them, a nd they decide they'd rather not know...

You ca n 't ta ke it back.

You ca n 't u nsay it.

Once you 've opened you r hea rt,

you ca n 't close it aga i n .

(LAUG HS)

I' m kidd i ng .

Of cou rse, you ca n .

Well, everyone, please, roll u p you r rig ht sleeves.

Roll u p you r rig ht sleeves. Come on .

Oh, it's a bit of i nsu ra nce.

I don 't u ndersta nd . What is that?

(CH UCKLES) TD 1 2 .

-One of ou rs. -One of you rs?

We ma ke it, my com pa ny. TD 1 2 .

Sells ma i n ly to dentists a nd hospita ls, for m i nor su rg ica l proced u res.

Interferes with ...

-The memory. -The memory.

Yes.

I wa nt to tha n k you, Iva n, for a llowi ng me to use it.

Did n 't exactly know who you were gon na be usi ng it on .

(CH UCKLES)

-You mea n you d id n 't ask. -Is everyone ready?

- N o. - Please.

Roll u p you r sleeves. Come on, roll u p.

Th is is obscene.

All I' m doi ng, Fa ith dea r...

- (GAS PS) -. . . is getti ng someth i ng off my chest.

Without getti ng it on you rs.

What you ' re a bout to hea r me say may horrify you . But...

You wi ll forget it.

If you th i n k a bout it, civi lisation has a lways

depended on a measu re of elective ig nora nce.

(LAUG HS)

(CH UCKLES)

These d ri p feeds wi ll keep the d rug i n you r blood strea ms

at exactly the rig ht levels.

N oth i ng that is ha ppen i ng to you now

wi ll stay with you for more tha n a few m i n utes.

I' m afra id that some of the

memories you 've had u p to th is poi nt m ig ht a lso be...

...corru pted .

I' m goi ng to sha re someth i ng with you now.

Someth i ng persona l.

And of i m porta nce to me.

I have a need to confess.

But you, I th i n k, m ig ht have a need to forget.

By the end of th is, you ' ll be free to go, a nd don 't worry,

by the ti me you ' re back i n the outside world

you wi ll not remem ber a ny of what you 've hea rd .

-Ig nora nce is bliss. -What's wrong with bliss?

Some of you know each other a nd some of you don 't.

Please, be awa re that one of you

is a h ig h ra n ki ng police officer.

One of you is a mem ber of the j ud icia ry.

One of you sits on the boa rd of a prom i nent broadcaster.

Two of you work for me. And one of you of cou rse, is my lovely da ug hter.

Fa ith .

You a re the people I need to hea r me.

I have made m i llions, for myself for the people a rou nd th is ta ble,

for m i llions of people I've never even met.

There a re cha rities that I su pport who wou ld n 't exist without me.

If life is a ba la nce sheet, a nd I th i n k it is,

well, I believe I' m i n cred it!

But I have a situation .

That needs to be ma naged .

I have a problem a nd there is on ly one way that I ca n solve it.

And what's that?

I' m terri bly sorry.

I need to ki ll someone.

Who?

Were we i n a meeti ng? Was there a meeti ng?

N eed to ki ll someone. Fa ith .

- (FAITH B REATHI N G H EAVI LY) -My dea r, dea r g i rl.

I ca n 't remem ber.

I ca n 't remem ber who you ' re gon na ki ll.

In five m i n utes,

you won 't even remem ber why you were cryi ng .

The others a re a ll fi ne.

You know, they've gone down the pu b.

It's a ll on me. (CH UCKLES)

(FAITH SO B BI N G)

Oh Fa ith . Don 't you th i n k I shou ld ta ke that?

It's on ly goi ng to u pset you .

Th ree yea rs ago, my father told me he wa nted to ki ll someone.

One word, Mr H olmes,

a nd it cha nged my world forever.

J ust one word .

What word?

-A na me. -What na me?

I ca n 't remem ber.

I ca n 't remem ber who my father wa nted to ki ll.

And I don 't know if he ever d id it.

(SIG HS) You 've cha nged,

you need to top u p you r ta n a nd you r roots a re showi ng,

you ' re letti ng you rself go.

Do you ever look i n the m i rror a nd wa nt to see someone else?

N o. Do you own a n America n ca r?

-I' m sorry? - N o, not America n .

Left ha nd d rive. That's what I mea n .

N o. Why do you ask?

N ot su re actua lly. Proba bly j ust noticed someth i ng .

Are you okay?

Of cou rse, you don 't own a ca r.

You don 't need one. Do you? Livi ng i n isolation .

N o h u ma n contact. N o visitors.

Okay, how do you know that?

It's a ll here, isn 't it? Look.

Cost cutti ng is clea rly a priority for you

look at the size of you r kitchen, teeny-ti ny.

Must be a bit a n noyi ng when you ' re such a keen cook.

I don 't u ndersta nd .

Ha ng on a m i n ute. I was looki ng out of the wi ndow. Why was I doi ng that?

-I don 't know. -Me neither. Must've had a reason .

It' ll come back to me.

Presu ma bly, you downsized when you left you r job.

And maybe when you ended you r relationsh i p.

-You ca n 't know that. -Of cou rse I ca n .

There wasn 't a nyth i ng physica l goi ng on, was there?

Qu ite some ti me, i n fact.

There, see, it's obvious.

You ca n 't tell th i ngs li ke that from a piece of pa per.

Th i n k I j ust d id, d id n 't I? I' m su re that was me. (S NI FFS)

- H ow? - Du n no.

Sort of ha ppens.

Li ke a reflex, I ca n 't stop it.

Coat.

-I don 't have a coat. -Yes, well I j ust noticed, I wonder why.

-Who you ta lki ng to? - Piss off! (S LAMS DOO R)

-So, what do you th i n k? -Of what?

-My case. -Oh, it's way too wei rd for me.

Go to the police. They' re rea lly excellent at dea li ng with th is...

com plicated sort of stuff. Tell them I sent you .

That oug ht to get a reaction . N ig ht-n ig ht.

Please. I have no one else to tu rn to.

Yes, but I' m very busy at the moment. I have to d ri n k a cu p of tea .

(BU B B LI N G)

Th is cu p of tea ...

-Code? -It's a cu p of tea .

Beca use you m ig ht prefer some coffee.

You ' re my last hope.

Rea lly, that's bad luck, isn 't it? Good n ig ht. Go away.

What's bad luck?

Stop ta lki ng . It ma kes me awa re of you r existence.

I've a lways had bad luck.

-It's congen ita l. . . - Ha nd bag .

That's not rude. Congen ita l. It j ust mea ns...

Ha nd bag .

Stop! Wa it!

You r life is not you r own . Keep you r ha nds off it. Do you hea r me?

Off it. Off it!

Sorry. What?

What a re you ta lki ng a bout?

-You r ski rt. -My ski rt?

Look at the hem of it! That's what I noticed . Sorry.

I' m sti ll catch i ng u p with my bra i n . It's terri bly fast.

Those ma rki ngs, do you see them?

You on ly get ma rks li ke that by tra ppi ng the hem of you r ski rt

i n a ca r door, but they' re on the left ha nd side,

so you weren 't d rivi ng . You were i n the passenger seat.

I ca me i n a taxi .

There is no taxi wa iti ng i n the street outside.

That's what I checked when I went to the wi ndow.

And you 've got a ll the way to the door

a nd not made a ny move to phone for one, a nd look at you .

You d id n 't even bri ng a coat, i n th is ra i n?

N ow, that m ig ht mea n noth i ng, except

the a ng le of the sca rs on you r left forea rm,

you know, u nder that sleeve you keep pu lli ng down .

You never saw them .

N o, I d id n 't. So tha n k you for confi rm i ng my hypothesis.

I don 't rea lly need to check that the a ng les a re consistent

with self-ha rm, do I?

- N o. -Then you ca n keep you r sca rs.

I wa nt to see you r ha nd bag .

Why?

It's too heavy.

You sa id I was you r last hope, a nd now you ' re goi ng out i nto the n ig ht

with no pla n on how you ' re getti ng home.

And a g u n .

- (S NI FFS) - (CAN E CLACKI N G)

-Ch i ps. -Ch i ps?

(SIG HS) You ' re su icida l. You ' re a llowed ch i ps.

Trust me. It's a bout the on ly perk.

Sherlock!

Are you goi ng out?

I th i n k I remem ber the way. It's th roug h there, isn 't it.

Oh, you ' re i n a state ! Look at you !

Yea h, well, I've got a friend with me, so...

-What friend? - Bye.

Oh .

S H ERLOCK: Come on .

Im Culverton Smith, and this election year, III be voting...

For God 's sa ke, I was ta lki ng to the Pri me Mi n ister.

I' m sorry, Mr H olmes. It's you r brother.

H e's left h is flat.

Was it on fi re?

CU LVERTO N : Even when Im on the road I still Iike quality food.

S H ERLOCK: You see the fold i n the m idd le?

For the fi rst few months, you kept th is h idden .

Folded i nside a book.

Must have been a tig htly packed shelf,

goi ng by the severity of the crease.

So, obviously you were keepi ng it h idden from someone

livi ng i n the sa me house, at the level of i nti macy

where privacy cou ld not be assu med .

Conclusion? Relationsh i p.

N ot a ny more, thoug h . There's a pi n prick at the top of the pa per.

The past few months, it's been on open d isplay on a wa ll.

Conclusion? Relationsh i p is over.

The pa per has been exposed to stea m a nd a va riety of cooki ng smells.

So, it m ust have been on d isplay i n the kitchen .

(S NI FFS)

Lots of d ifferent spices.

You ' re su icida l, a lone a nd stra pped for cash .

Yet, you ' re sti ll cooki ng to i m press.

You ' re keen, a nd kitchen is the most pu blic room i n a ny house.

And si nce a ny visitor cou ld be expected to ask a bout a note li ke th is,

I have to assu me you don 't have a ny.

You 've isolated you rself.

-Amazi ng . -I know.

I mea nt the ch i ps.

(CH UCKLES)

H m m .

(H ELICO PTER H OVERI N G)

Let's go for a wa lk.

(B EEPI N G)

(MO BI LE VI B RATI N G)

You shou ld a nswer it.

It's Mycroft.

Mig ht be a bout Sherlock.

Of cou rse it's a bout Sherlock. Everyth i ng 's a bout Sherlock.

FAITH : How didyou know my kitchen was tiny?

The fad i ng pattern on the pa per. It's not m uch,

but it's enoug h to know you r kitchen wi ndow faces east. N ow.

Kitchen notice boa rds.

By i nsti nct, we place them at eye level, where there's natu ra l lig ht.

N ow look. The su n 's on ly struck the bottom two-th i rds,

but the li ne is stra ig ht. So, that mea ns we know pa per is faci ng the wi ndow.

But, beca use the top section is u naffected,

we know the su n lig ht ca n on ly be enteri ng the room at a steep a ng le.

If the su n lig ht was a ble to penetrate the room

when the su n was lower i n the sky,

then the pa per wou ld be eq ua lly faded .

Top to bottom, but no.

It on ly ma kes it when the su n is at its zen ith .

So, I' m betti ng that you live i n a na rrow street, on the g rou nd floor.

N ow, if steeply a ng led su n lig ht ma nages to h it

eye level on the wa ll opposite the wi ndow,

then what do we know a bout the room?

The room 's sma ll.

(H ELICO PTER H OVERI N G)

-Oh, big brother is watch i ng you . - Litera lly.

We ca n keep ta bs. You d id n 't have to come i n .

I was ta lki ng to the Pri me Mi n ister.

Oh, I see.

What's he doi ng?

Why is he j ust wa nderi ng a bout li ke a fool?

She d ied, Mycroft.

H e's proba bly sti ll i n shock.

Everybody d ies.

That's the one th i ng h u ma n bei ngs ca n be relied u pon to do.

H ow ca n it sti ll come as a su rprise to people?

You sou nd cross.

Am I goi ng to be ta ken away by secu rity aga i n?

I have, I th i n k, a polog ised extensively.

You haven 't made it u p to me.

And how a m I su pposed to do that?

- FAITH : Sex. -I' m sorry.

Sex. H ow d id you know

I wasn 't getti ng a ny?

It's a ll a bout the blood . Th is one comes from the very fi rst n ig ht.

You ca n see the pen ma rks over it.

I th i n k you d iscovered the pa i ns

sti m u lated you r memory so you tried it aga i n later.

I' m no expert, but I assu me that si nce you r lover fa i led to notice

a n i ncreasi ng n u m ber of sca rs over a period of months,

that the relationsh i p was no longer i nti mate.

H ow do you know he d id n 't notice?

Oh, well, 'ca use he wou ld have done someth i ng a bout it.

Wou ld he?

Wou ld n 't he? Isn 't that what you people do?

-Well that's i nteresti ng . -What is?

-The way you th i n k. -Su perbly.

-Sweetly. -I' m not sweet. I' m j ust h ig h .

Th is way.

- But we j ust ca me that way. -I know, it's a pla n .

What pla n?

- (I N DISTI N CT CHATTER) -What is it? What now?

Sorry, u m, traced h is route to the ma p...

Is he with someone?

N ot su re. We keep losi ng visua l.

Mostly, we' re tracki ng h is phone.

Don t call us. We II call...

I' m tryi ng to sleep. Ca n you stop ri ng i ng my da m n phone?

MYCRO FT: Sherlock has Ieft his flat. First time in a week.

-So I' m havi ng h i m tracked . -JO H N : Nice.

That's very touch i ng how you ca n h ijack

the mach i nery of the state to look after you r own fa m i ly.

Ca n I go to sleep now?

Sherlock gone rog ue is a leg iti mate secu rity concern .

The fact that I' m h is brother cha nges a bsolutely noth i ng .

It d id n 't the last ti me, a nd I assu re you it won 't...

With Sherlock.

Sorry, what?

Please phone me if he gets i n contact. Tha n k you .

(MO BI LE B EEPS)

Do you sti ll spea k to Sherri nford?

-I get reg u la r u pdates. -And?

Sherri nford is secu re.

-Are we gon na wa lk a ll n ig ht? - Possi bly.

It's a long word .

-What is? - Bollocks.

(BOTH LAUG HI N G)

Cu lverton Sm ith, a ll th is cha rity work. What's i n it for you?

We m ust be ca refu l not to bu rn ou r bridges.

S H ERLOCK: Do you know why I' m gon na ta ke you r case?

Beca use of the one i m possi ble th i ng you sa id .

FAITH : What i m possi ble th i ng?

You sa id you r life tu rned on one word .

Yes.

The na me of the person my father wa nted to ki ll.

That's the i m possi ble th i ng .

-J ust that rig ht there. -What's i m possi ble?

Na mes a re not one word . They' re a lways at least two.

Sherlock H olmes. Fa ith Sm ith .

Sa nta Cla us. Wi nston Ch u rch i ll.

Na poleon Bona pa rte. Actua lly, j ust Na poleon wou ld do.

Or Elvis?

Look, I th i n k we ca n ru le both of them out as ta rgets.

Okay, I got it wrong then . It wasn 't on ly one word . It ca n 't have been .

Did you remem ber q u ite d isti nctly

that you r whole life tu rned on one word?

So, that ha ppened, I don 't dou bt it, but how ca n that word be a na me?

A na me you i nsta ntly recog n ise that tore you r world a pa rt.

Okay, well, how?

N o idea yet.

But I don 't work for free.

You ta ke cash?

N ot cash, no.

Ta ki ng you r own life.

Interesti ng expression . Ta ki ng it from who?

Once it's over, it's not you who' ll m iss it.

(GU NS H OT)

You r own death is someth i ng that ha ppens to everybody else.

You r life is not you r own . Keep you r ha nds off it.

You ' re not what I expected, you ' re...

(G ROANS)

-What? What a m I? - N icer.

-Tha n who? -Anyone.

(SCREAMI N G)

CHI LD'S VOICE: (SI N GI N G) My Iittle master, who will find me...

(GAS PS)

Sorry, I...

Fa ith? Fa ith !

S H ERLOCK: You saidyour Iife turned on one word.

A name can t be one word.

If you were to come rou nd aski ng after h i m,

that he'd rather have a nyone but you .

Anyone.

FAITH : Youre not what I exPected. S H ERLOCK: What? What am I?

-Nicer. -Than who?

Anyone.

Don 't th i n k a nyone else is goi ng to save h i m, beca use there isn 't a nyone.

FEMALE VOICES: Anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone.

I have a situation . N eeds to be ma naged .

There's on ly one way that I ca n solve it.

FAITH : And what's that?

CU LVERTO N : I need to ki ll someone.

FAITH : Who?

Who?

Anyone.

- (LAUG HI N G) -Of cou rse.

H e doesn 't wa nt to ki ll one person . H e wa nts to ki ll a nyone.

H e's a seria l ki ller.

Anyone.

-It cou ld be. . . -Anyone.

Why not?

Why shou ld n 't he be?

(CARS H O N KI N G)

-What is wrong? -What's the matter with you?

Do you know where you a re? Are you d ru n k?

-Shezzer. -What a re you doi ng here?

What were you doi ng i n the m idd le of a bloody street?

-You shou ld be at Ba ker Street. -I a m . So a re you .

They fou nd you r add ress. They broug ht you here.

You 've had too m uch . And that's me sayi ng it.

Kill.

Sherlock...

-Anyone. - FAITH : Anyone.

They' re a lways poor, a nd lonely, a nd stra nge.

- But those a re on ly the ones we catch . -Who do we catch?

Seria l ki llers.

But if you a re rich, a nd powerfu l, a nd necessa ry...

CU LVERTO N : Anyone.

What if you had the com pu lsion to ki ll a nd money? What then?

- (TTRES SCREECHI N G) - (SI RENS WAI LI N G)

(DDE TDjDY P LAYI N G FROM CAR RADIO)

(EN GI N E REVVI N G)

Well now.

Won 't you i ntrod uce me?

- (CAR DOO R S H UTS) -Ah !

Rig ht, you there ! Stop rig ht where you a re !

-Oh, Joh n . -Mrs H udson .

Do you have a ny idea what speed you were goi ng at?

Of cou rse, not. I was on the phone.

-Oh, it's for you, by the way. - For me?

It's the govern ment.

The what?

-JO H N : What's goi ng on? What's wrong? - H ello?

MYCRO FT: My name is Mycroft Holmes. Im sPeaking from the Cabinet.

-What's ha ppened? -It's Sherlock.

You 've no idea what I've been th roug h .

- (CLAN GI N G) - (MEN S H OUTI N G)

I' m out of here. H e's lost it.

H e's tota lly gone !

"Once more u nto the breach dea r friends, once more !

"Or close the wa ll u p with ou r Eng lish dead

"Set the teeth a nd stretch the nostri l wide. H old ha rd the breath

"a nd bu i ld u p every spi rit to h is fu ll heig ht

"On ! On, you noblest Eng lish whose blood is fet from fathers, from wa r-proof!

"And you, good yeoma n, whose li m bs were made i n Eng la nd, show us

" H ere the mettle of you r pastu re !

"I dou bt not, for there is none of you here so mea n a nd base

"that hath not noble luster i n you r eyes!

"I see you sta nd i ng li ke g reyhou nds i n the sli ps stra i n i ng u pon the sta rt! "

(GU N FI RI N G)

(PANTI N G) "The ga me's afoot. "

Oh, hello.

Ca n I have a cu p of tea?

- (DOO R S LAMMI N G) - Did you ca ll the police?

Of cou rse I d id n 't ca ll the police. I' m not a civi lia n .

These pictu res. They' re that ma n on the telly, a ren 't they?

-What pictu res? -They' re everywhere.

Oh, these pictu res? Oh, you ca n see them too ! That's good .

Cu lverton Sm ith, Th is I th i n k is releva nt from th is morn i ng .

H e's pu blicly accused Mr Sm ith of bei ng a seria l ki ller.

Ch rist. Sherlock on Twitter. H e rea lly has lost it.

Don 't you da re ma ke jokes. Don 't you da re ! I was terrified .

A cu p of tea !

Oh, for good ness' sa kes! What's the matter with you?

Are you havi ng a n ea rthq ua ke?

You need to see h i m, Joh n .

-You need to help h i m ! - N ope.

H e needs you !

Somebody else.

N ot me. N ot now.

N ow, you j ust listen to me for once i n you r stu pid life.

I know Ma ry's dead a nd I know you r hea rt is broken .

But if Sherlock H olmes d ies too, who' ll you have then?

Beca use I' ll tell you someth i ng, Joh n Watson .

You wi ll not have me.

(DOO R S H UTS)

(SO B BI N G)

Have you spoken to Mycroft, Molly, a nyone?

They don 't matter, you do.

Wou ld you j ust see h i m, please, Joh n?

Or j ust ta ke a look at h i m as a doctor.

I know you 'd cha nge you r m i nd if you d id .

Yea h, look. Okay. Maybe, if I get a cha nce.

- Do you prom ise? -I' ll try if I' m i n the a rea .

Prom ise me?

-I prom ise. -Tha n k you .

Well? On you go.

Exa m i ne h i m .

Rig ht then, m ister. N ow I need you r ha ndcuffs.

I ha ppen to know there's a pa i r i n the sa lad d rawer.

I've borrowed them before.

Oh, get over you rself.

You ' re not my fi rst smack-head, Sherlock H olmes.

That woma n 's out of control. I asked for a cu p of tea .

- H ow d id you get h i m i n the boot? -The boys from the cafe.

They d ropped me. Twice !

And you know why they d ropped you, dea r?

Beca use they know you .

Who's th is one?

Is th is a new person? I' m aga i nst new people.

Excuse me for a moment.

JO H N : She's my thera pist.

Awesome. Do you do block booki ngs?

Whose ca r is that?

-That's my ca r. - H ow ca n that be you r ca r?

Oh, for God 's sa ke !

I' m the widow of a d rug dea ler.

I own property i n Centra l London .

And for the last bloody ti me, Joh n,

I' m not you r housekeeper.

I' m so sorry. I a nswered you r phone, you were busy.

I th i n k you ' ll wa nt to ta ke it.

-U h, yes, hello? -Is th is Dr Joh n Watson?

Yea h, who's th is?

Cu lverton Sm ith . You 've proba bly hea rd of me.

U h, well, yes.

Get me a fresh g lass of water, please. Th is one's fi lthy.

I mea n, I' m awa re of th is morn i ng 's developments.

Yes, I' m su re he was bei ng h i la rious.

Sorry, d id you say a ll sti ll meeti ng?

You, me and Mr Holmes.

I sent a ca r. It shou ld be outside.

Mr H olmes gave me a n add ress.

Well, he cou ld n 't have g iven you th is one...

(DOO RB ELL RI N GS)

When you ' re ready.

When d id Sherlock g ive you th is add ress?

-Two weeks ago. -Two weeks?

Yes. Two weeks.

(MO BI LE B EEPS)

H ow d id you know where to fi nd me?

Oh, Sherlock told me.

H e's not so d ifficu lt when you 've got a g u n on h i m .

H ow d id you know? H ow?

On Monday, I decided to get a new thera pist.

Tuesday afternoon, I chose her.

Wed nesday morn i ng, I booked today's session . N ow, today is Friday.

So two weeks ago, two weeks,

before you were a bd ucted at g u n poi nt, a nd broug ht here aga i nst you r wi ll

over a week before I even thoug ht of com i ng here,

you knew exactly where you 'd need to be picked u p for lu nch?

Rea lly?

I correctly a ntici pated the responses of people

I know well to scena rios I devised .

-Ca n 't everyone do that? - H ow?

Except the boot. The boot was mea n .

N ever m i nd how. H e's dyi ng to tell us that. I wa nt to know why.

Beca use Mrs H udson 's rig ht.

I' m bu rn i ng u p.

I' m at the bottom of a pit a nd I' m sti ll fa lli ng, a nd I' m never cli m bi ng out.

I need you to know, Joh n . I need you to see that u p here

I've sti ll got it.

So, when I tell you that th is is the most da ngerous,

the most despica ble h u ma n bei ng that I have ever encou ntered .

When I tell you that th is monster m ust be ended .

Please remem ber where you ' re sta nd i ng

beca use you ' re sta nd i ng exactly where I sa id you wou ld be two weeks ago.

I' m a mess, I' m i n hell, but I a m not wrong, not a bout h i m .

So what has a ll th is got to do with me?

That creatu re, that rotti ng th i ng

is a livi ng, breath i ng coag u lation of h u ma n evi l.

If the on ly th i ng I ever do i n th is world is d rive h i m out of it,

then my life wi ll not have been wasted .

Look at me.

Ca n 't do it. N ot now.

N ot a lone.

U h ...

(SIG HS)

Yea h, well, they' re rea l enoug h, I su ppose.

Why wou ld I be fa ki ng?

Beca use you ' re a lia r. You lie a ll the ti me, it's li ke you r m ission .

I have been ma ny th i ngs, Joh n, but when have I ever been a ma li ngerer?

You pretended to be dead for two yea rs!

-Apa rt from that. - Listen, before I do a nyth i ng,

I need to know what state you ' re i n .

Well, you ' re a doctor. Exa m i ne me.

N o, I need a second opi n ion .

(SIG HS) Joh n, ca lm down .

When have you ever ma naged two opi n ions? You 'd fa ll over.

I need the one person who, u n li ke me, lea rnt to see

th roug h you r bu llsh it long ago.

Who's that, then? I' m su re I wou ld have noticed .

The last person you 'd th i n k of.

I wa nt you to be exa m i ned by Molly H ooper.

Do you hea r me? I sa id Molly H ooper.

You ' re rea lly not gon na li ke th is.

- Li ke what? - (DOO RB ELL RI N GS)

(I N HALES D EEP LY)

Oh . H ello. Is, er...

I' m sorry. Sherlock asked me to come.

What, two weeks ago?

Yea h, a bout two weeks.

If you 'd li ke to know how I pred ict the futu re...

N o, I don 't ca re how.

Okay. Fu lly eq u i pped a m bu la nce. Molly ca n exa m i ne me on the way to save ti me.

Ready to go, Molly?

-J ust tell me when to coug h . -Oh, well...

- H ope you remem bered my coat. - (STAMMERS)

Sorry. I d id n 't know that you were gon na be here.

I have a bsolutely no idea what's goi ng on .

Sherlock's usi ng aga i n .

Oh, God . Well, u m ...

-Are you su re? - N o, it's Sherlock.

Of cou rse I' m not su re.

J ust check h i m out.

Is Molly the rig ht person to be doi ng med ica ls?

She's more used to dead people.

It's bou nd to lower you r sta nda rds.

I don 't know. I don 't know a nyth i ng a ny more.

-Oh . . . -Mrs H udson . As ever, you a re a mazi ng .

N o. You ' re goi ng to have to buck u p a bit, Joh n .

You know that, don 't you?

The ga me is on .

I' ll do my best.

Anyth i ng you need .

Anyti me. J ust ask. Anyth i ng at a ll.

Tha n k you .

U h . . . Someti mes, ca n I borrow you r ca r?

- N o. -Okay.

H e knew you 'd get a new thera pist after I d ied

beca use you 'd need to cha nge everyth i ng .

That's j ust what you ' re li ke.

Tha n ks.

You keep you r weekends for Rosie

so you needed to see someone d u ri ng worki ng hou rs.

Beca use you ' re a n id iot, you don 't wa nt a nyone at the su rgery

knowi ng you ' re i n thera py, so that restricts you

to lu nchti me sessions with someone reasona bly close.

You fou nd fou r men a nd one woma n .

And you a re done with the world bei ng expla i ned to you by a ma n .

Who isn 't?

So a ll he needed to do was fi nd the fi rst ava i la ble lu nchti me a ppoi ntment

with a fema le thera pist with i n cycli ng d ista nce of you r su rgery.

-My God, he knows you . - N o, he doesn 't.

I' m i n you r head, Joh n . You ' re d isag reei ng with you rself.

- D RIVER: Are you ready, si r? -Yes, I a m .

H e is the cleverest ma n i n the world but he's not a monster.

Yea h, he is.

Yea h, okay, rig ht. H e is. Ug h . (CH UCKLES)

But he's ou r monster.

I' m a ki ller.

You know I' m a ki ller.

But d id you know...

I' m a ...

Cut that. What was that? Was that a lig ht?

U h, was that me? Was I too good? H u h?

H e's here.

Well, how is he?

Basica lly fi ne.

I've seen hea lth ier people on the sla b.

Yea h, but to be fa i r, you work with m u rder victi ms.

They tend to be q u ite you ng .

- N ot fu n ny. -A little bit fu n ny.

If you keep ta ki ng what you ' re ta ki ng at the rate you ' re ta ki ng it,

you 've got weeks.

Exactly. Weeks. Let's not get a head of ou rselves.

For Ch rist's sa ke, Sherlock! It's not a ga me.

I' m worried a bout you, Molly. You seem very stressed .

MO LLY: I' m stressed . You ' re dyi ng .

Yea h, well, I' m a head then . Stress ca n ru i n every day of you r life.

- Dyi ng ca n on ly ru i n one. -So th is is rea l.

You 've rea lly lost it. You ' re actua lly out of control.

-When have I ever been that? -Si nce the day I met you .

Clever boy. Missed you fu m bli ng a rou nd the place.

-Thoug ht th is was some ki nd of. . . -What?

Trick.

'Cou rse it's not a trick. It's a pla n .

CU LVERTO N : Mr H olmes?

Th i rty feet a nd closi ng, the most sig n ifica nt u ndetected seria l ki ller

i n British cri m i na l h istory. H elp me bri ng h i m down .

-What, what pla n? -I' m not telli ng you .

-Why not? -'Ca use you won 't li ke it.

Mr H olmes.

I don 't do ha ndsha kes.

-It' ll have to be a h ug . -I know.

(CH UCKLES)

Oh, Sherlock.

Oh, Sherlock.

What ca n I say? Tha n ks to you, we' re, u h, we' re everywhere.

Mr H olmes, how d id Cu lverton ta lk you i nto th is?

Well, he, he's a detective.

Maybe I j ust confessed .

(CROWD LAUG HI N G)

Come on .

N ow, it's u h ...

It's a new ki nd of brea kfast cerea l...

REPO RTER: Mr H olmes, ca n you put on the hat?

Yea h, he doesn 't rea lly wea r the hat.

Kids wi ll be getti ng two of thei r five-a-day

before they've even left home.

Sherlock's been a mazi ng for us.

Brea kfast has got to be cool.

We' re beyond vi ra l.

You know what ma kes it cool when you ' re a kid?

JO H N : What? Sorry? Beyond what?

CU LVERTO N : Da ngerous.

And action !

I' m a ki ller.

You know I' m a ki ller.

But d id you know. . . I' m a cerea l ki ller?

Mm m .

And cut there. Tha n k you .

You shou ld bag that u p. Sell it.

Ma ke money from that on e Bay.

You ca n ma ke more, if you li ke. Anyti me you li ke.

JO H N : Has it occu rred to you,

a nywhere i n you r d rug-add led bra i n, that you 've j ust been played?

Oh, yes.

- For a n ad ca m pa ig n . - Bri llia nt, isn 't it?

Bri llia nt?

Safest place to h ide.

Pla i n sig ht.

Mr H olmes.

Cu lverton wa nts to know if you ' re okay goi ng stra ig ht to the hospita l.

- (SCO FFS) H ospita l? -Cu lverton 's doi ng a visit.

The kids wou ld love to meet you both .

I th i n k he's sort of prom ised .

Oh, okay.

If you 'd j ust li ke to come th is way.

So.

What a re we doi ng here? What's the poi nt?

I needed a h ug .

What do you th i n k, Mr H olmes?

Cerea l ki ller.

It's fu n ny 'ca use it's true.

See you at the hospita l.

Oh, you ca n have th is back now.

- Have what back? -Tha n ks for the h ug .

Oh, I sent a nd deleted a text. You m ig ht get a reply but I dou bt it.

-It's password protected . - Please.

(CH UCKLES) We' re goi ng to have end less fu n, Mr H olmes. Aren 't we?

N o.

N o, not end less.

N eed a nother h it, do you?

It ca n wa it u nti l the hospita l.

You i nvolved, m uch?

Sorry?

U m, with Mr H olmes, Sherlock, a nd a ll h is cases.

Yea h, I' m Joh n Watson .

Okay.

Dr Watson .

-I love h is blog . Don 't you? - H is blog?

- Don 't you read it? -You mea n my blog?

Say what you li ke a bout add iction, the day is fu ll of h ig h lig hts.

Oh, Mr H olmes, you ' re feeli ng better.

Psychedelic.

I was j ust sayi ng I love you r blog .

-Great. . . -It's my blog .

It is. H e writes the blog .

-It's you rs? -Yes.

-You write Sherlock's blog? -Yes.

It's gone down h i ll a bit, hasn 't it?

It's th is way, then .

(AP P LAU DI N G)

Oh, my God . I love you r blog .

You ' re welcome.

Rig ht. H ere he comes. The i nternet tech .

You a ll know Sherlock H olmes.

(CH EERI N G AN D AP P LAU DI N G)

Oh, a nd Dr Watson, of cou rse.

(WEAKER AP P LAUS E)

Mr H olmes, I was wonderi ng . Well, we a ll were, weren 't we?

Maybe you cou ld tell us a bout some of you r cases.

- N o. -Yes.

Yes! Absolutely, yes!

The ma i n featu re of i nterest i n the field of cri m i na l i nvestigation

is not the sensationa l aspects of the cri me itself

but rather, the i ron cha i n of reason i ng from ca use to effect,

that revea ls, step-by-step, the solution .

That's the on ly tru ly rema rka ble aspect of the enti re affa i r.

N ow, I wi ll sha re with you the facts a nd evidence, as they were ava i la ble to me.

And i n th is very room,

you wi ll a ll attem pt to solve the case of Blessi ngton, the poisoner.

I th i n k you slig htly gave away the end i ng .

-There were five ma i n suspects. -One ca lled Blessi ngton .

It's more a bout how he d id it.

- Poison? -Okay.

(LAUG HI N G)

Drea rcliff H ouse. Remem ber that one, Joh n? (EXHALES) One m u rder.

-Ten suspects. -Ten . Yea h .

-All of them g u i lty. -Sherlock.

(STAMMERS) And what do you ca ll that one, Joh n?

U m, someth i ng to do with m u rder at the zoo.

Yea h, I ca lled it "Mu rder at the zoo. "

Or was it the case of the ki ller ora ng uta n?

MARY: H e shou ld be wea ri ng the hat.

The kids wou ld love the hat.

-So, a ny more q uestions? -CHI LD REN : N o.

- Boy: I don 't th i n k so. - N o?

-CU LVERTO N : Mr H olmes. . . -Good, then I' ll...

H ow do you ca ptu re a seria l ki ller?

Sa me way you catch a ny other ki ller.

N o, no. But most ki llers ki ll someone they know.

You ' re looki ng for a m u rderer i n a ti ny socia l g rou pi ng .

U m, Mr Sm ith . U m, I' m j ust, u h, wonderi ng

maybe th is isn 't a su ita ble su bject for the ch i ld ren .

N u rse Corn ish .

- H ow long have you been with us now? -Seven yea rs.

Seven yea rs.

Okay.

Seria l ki llers choose thei r victi ms at ra ndom .

Su rely that m ust ma ke it more d ifficu lt.

Some of them advertise.

Do they rea lly?

Seria l ki lli ng is a n expression of power, ego.

A sig natu re i n h u ma n destruction .

U lti mately, for fu ll satisfaction, it req u i res pla i n sig ht.

Add itiona lly, seria l ki llers a re easi ly profi led .

They tend to be socia l outcasts.

- Ed ucationa lly su b-norma l. -CU LVERTO N : N o, no, no, no, no.

You ' re j ust ta lki ng a bout the ones you know. The ones you 've ca ug ht.

But, hello, d u m my. You on ly catch the d u m b ones.

N ow, i mag i ne if the Queen wa nted to ki ll some people. What wou ld ha ppen then?

All that power, a ll that money,

sweet little govern ment, da nci ng attenda nts.

A whole cou ntry, j ust to keep her wa rm a nd fat.

H m m .

We a ll love the Queen, don 't we?

And I bet she'd love you lot...

It's a ll rig ht, everyone. I ca n persona lly assu re you

that Sherlock H olmes is not a bout to a rrest the Queen .

Well, of cou rse not.

N ot H er Majesty.

Money. Power. Fa me.

Some th i ngs ma ke you u ntoucha ble.

God save the Queen !

She cou ld open a sla ug hterhouse

a nd we'd a ll proba bly pay the entra nce fee.

N o one's u ntoucha ble.

CU LVERTO N : N o one?

Look at you a ll.

So g loomy. Ca n 't you ta ke a joke? (LAUG HS) The Queen .

If the Queen was a seria l ki ller, I'd be the fi rst person she'd tell.

We have that ki nd of friendsh i p.

A big rou nd of a ppla use for Sherlock H olmes a nd Dr Watson .

- (CLAP PI N G) Come on . - (CROWD AP P LAU DI N G)

Wonderfu l.

Tha n k you so m uch for com i ng . Tha n k you .

-Where a re we goi ng now? -I wa nt to show you my favou rite room .

N o, let's go i n here.

So, you 've had a nother one of you r little meeti ngs?

Oh, it's j ust a month ly top-u p.

Confession is good for the sou l.

- Provided you ca n delete it. -What's TD 1 2?

It's a memory i n h i bitor.

Bliss.

Bliss?

Opt-i n ig nora nce.

Ma kes the world go rou nd .

Anyone ever opt to remem ber?

Some people ta ke the d ri p out. Yes, some people have the sa me u rges.

N ow, come on . Wasti ng ti me.

Indeed you have, I esti mate, 2 0 m i n utes left.

Sorry?

I sent a text from you r phone, remem ber?

It was read a lmost i m med iately, factori ng i n a deg ree of shock,

a nd emotiona l decision, a nd a jou rney ti me based on the associated add ress.

I'd say that you r life as you know it has 2 0 m i n utes left to ru n .

Well, no. 1 7 a nd a ha lf, to be precise, but I rou nded u p for d ra matic effect.

So please do show us you r favou rite room .

It' ll g ive you a cha nce to say good-bye.

(CH UCKLES)

Come a long .

MARY: The ga me is on .

Do you sti ll m iss me?

Spea ki ng of seria l ki llers, you know who's my favou rite?

Other tha n you rself?

(CH UCKLES) H . H . H olmes.

Relative of you rs?

N ot as fa r as I know.

You shou ld check.

What a n id iot.

Everyone out.

Mr Sm ith, we' re actua lly i n the m idd le of someth i ng .

Sa heed, isn 't it?

Sa heed . Yes.

H ow long have you been worki ng here now?

Fou r yea rs.

Fou r yea rs.

Well, that's a long ti me, isn 't it?

Fou r yea rs.

Okay, everyone.

- Five m i n utes? -Come back i n ten .

Sa heed .

Th is ti me, knock.

H ow ca n you do that? H ow. . . H ow a re you even a llowed i n here?

Oh, I ca n go a nywhere I li ke.

(KEYS JI N G LI N G)

Anywhere at a ll.

They gave you keys?

They presented them to me.

There was a ceremony.

You ca n watch that on YouTu be. The H ome Secreta ry was there.

So, you r favou rite room . The mortua ry.

What do you th i n k?

Toug h crowd .

Oh, I don 't know.

You know, I've a lways fou nd them q u ite plia ble.

Don 't do that.

She's fi ne.

She's dead .

H . H . H olmes loved the dead .

H e mass-prod uced them .

Seria l ki ller, active d u ri ng the Ch icago Fa i r.

You know what he d id?

H e bu i lt a hotel, a specia l hotel, j ust to ki ll people.

You know, with a ha ng i ng room, gas cha m ber, specia lly ada pted fu rnace.

You know, li ke Sweeney Todd .

"Without the pies. "

Stu pid .

So stu pid .

Why stu pid?

Well, a ll that effort.

You don 't bu i ld a beach if you wa nt to h ide a pebble.

You j ust fi nd a beach a nd ...

If you wa n na h ide a m u rder, you wa n na h ide lots a nd lots of m u rders,

j ust fi nd a ...

hospita l.

Ca n we be clea r? Are you confessi ng?

To what?

The way you ' re ta lki ng .

Oh, sorry.

Yes.

You mea n, a m I a seria l ki ller?

Or a m I j ust tryi ng to mess with you r fu n ny little head?

Well, it's true.

I do li ke to mess with people, a nd yes,

I a m a bit creepy but that's j ust my US P.

I use it to sell brea kfast cerea l.

But a m I what he says I a m?

Is that what you ' re aski ng?

-Yes. - H m m .

Well. Let me ask you th is.

-Are you rea lly a doctor? -Yea h, of cou rse I a m .

Oh . Well, no, a med ica l doctor,

you know, not j ust feet or med ia stud ies or someth i ng .

I' m a doctor.

Are you serious?

N o, rea lly.

Are you?

Are you, a re you actua lly serious?

I've played a long with th is joke.

It's not fu n ny a ny more.

You know, look at h i m .

Go a head, look at h i m, Dr Watson . H m m?

Oh no, I' ll lay it out for you .

There a re two possi ble expla nations for what's goi ng on here.

Either I' m a seria l ki ller,

or Sherlock H olmes is off h is tits on d rugs. H m m?

Delusiona l pa ra noia a bout a pu blic persona lity.

That's not so specia l. It's not even new.

I th i n k you need to tell you r fa ithfu l little friend

how you ' re wasti ng h is ti me beca use you ' re too h ig h

to know what's rea l a ny more.

I a polog ise.

(STAMMERS) I m isca lcu lated .

I forgot to factor i n the traffic.

N i neteen a nd a ha lf m i n utes. (CLEARS TH ROAT)

(DOO R O P ENI N G)

Ah, the footsteps you ' re a bout to hea r wi ll be very fa m i lia r to you,

not least beca use there' ll be th ree i m pacts rather tha n two.

The th i rd of cou rse, wi ll be the end of a wa lki ng ca ne.

You r da ug hter Fa ith 's wa lki ng ca ne.

Why wou ld she be here?

You i nvited her.

You sent her a text. Or, or, or,

tech n ica lly I sent her a text, but she's not to know.

U m, let's see if I ca n reca ll.

" Fa ith, I ca n sta nd it no longer.

"I've confessed to my cri mes.

" Please forg ive me. "

H ow wou ld that have a ny effect?

You don 't know her.

Oh, but I do.

I spent a whole even i ng with her.

We had ch i ps.

I th i n k she li ked me.

You don 't know Fa ith . You si m ply do not.

I know you ca re a bout her deeply.

I know you i nvited her to one of you r specia l boa rd meeti ngs.

You ca re what she th i n ks.

(CH UCKLI N G) You ma i nta i n a n i m pressive facade.

I th i n k it's a bout to brea k.

Did you know?

-She ca me to Ba ker Street. - N o, she d id n 't.

Of cou rse I d id n 't.

She ca me to see me

beca use she was sca red of her daddy.

N ever ha ppened . Is th is a nother one of you r d rug-fuelled fa ntasies?

You d id n 't you see h i m ta ke the sca lpel?

N obody saw it.

So you d id n 't know what was a bout to ha ppen?

Of cou rse I d id n 't know.

Well, let's see, sha ll we?

Fa ith, stop loiteri ng at the door a nd come i n .

Th is is you r father's favou rite room .

Come a nd meet h is best friends.

FAITH : Dad? What's ha ppen i ng?

What was that text?

Another one of you r jokes? (CH UCKLES)

Who a re you?

Who the hell a re you?

CU LVERTO N : Sherlock H olmes. Su rely you recog n ise h i m .

Oh, my God .

Sherlock H olmes?

I love you r blog .

(SIG HS) You ' re not her. You ' re not the woma n who ca me to Ba ker Street.

Erm, well, no. N ever been there.

Well, there m ust've been some bu i ld-u p. H e d id n 't j ust sudden ly do it.

Look, I d id n 't know he had the bloody sca lpel.

Sorry, I' m not su re I com pletely u ndersta nd .

U ndersta nd what?

But I thoug ht you two were, were old friends!

N o, we've never met.

Oh, dea r! (LAUG HS)

- Have we? - (SMITH LAUG HS)

Sherlock?

So who ca me to my flat?

-Well, it wasn 't me. - (LAUG HI N G)

You look d ifferent.

-I wasn 't there. - (LAUG HS)

S H ERLOCK: Who came to my flat?

FAITH : Im sorry, Mr Holmes, but...

I don 't th i n k I've ever been a nywhere nea r you r flat.

(LAUG HS) Oh, dea r. Oh, no.

Who you ta lki ng to?

-What friend? -Anyone.

(LAUG HI N G) Oh, no !

S H ERLOCK: Fa ith?

(PANTI N G) Oh God . Come on .

(SMITH LAUG HI N G)

Sherlock.

Sherlock, you a ll rig ht? Sherlock, you okay?

-Watch h i m . H e's got a kn ife. -Got a what?

Got a sca lpel. You picked it u p from that ta ble. I saw you ta ke it.

I certa i n ly d id not!

Look beh i nd h is back!

- Look. (LAUG HS) -I saw you ta ke it! I saw you !

-Whoa, whoa, whoa ! -Sherlock, put that down .

- FAITH : Oh my God . My God ! - Put it down .

(SMITH LAUG HI N G)

-Stop la ug h i ng at me. -I' m not la ug h i ng .

- H e's not la ug h i ng, Sherlock. -Stop la ug h i ng at me !

-Sherlock! - (SCREAMS)

(G ROANS) Ch rist.

I keep wonderi ng if we shou ld 've seen it com i ng .

N ot long ago, he shot Cha rles Mag n ussen i n the face.

We d id see it com i ng . We a lways saw it com i ng .

- But it was fu n . - (KN OCKI N G AT DOO R)

-Come i n . -WOMAN : Si r.

You proba bly wa n na see th is.

N EWS READ ER: Harold Chorley rePorting earlier today.

Mr Smith stated he had no interest in bringing charges.

Im a fan ofSherlock Holmes, Im a big fan.

I don t really know what haPPened today. To be honest,

I don t think Id be standing here now ifit wasn t for Dr Watson.

-Stop la ug h i ng at me ! - (WHIMP ERI N G)

Sherlock!

Stop it! Stop it now!

REPO RTER: Is it true he s been treated in your hosPital?

Its not actually my hosPital. Well, it is a Iittle bit my hosPital.

But I can Promise you this. He s going to get the best of care.

I might even move him to my favourite room.

N EWS READ ER: Culverton Smith, earlier today.

In Nottingham...

H e's rig ht, you know, you proba bly saved h is life.

What a re you doi ng? Wa ke u p!

I rea lly h it h i m, Greg . H it h i m ha rd .

(G RU NTI N G)

JO H N : Is th is a ga me? A bloody ga me.

(G RU NTI N G)

Please, please, please, no violence.

Tha n k you, Dr Watson .

I don 't th i n k he's a da nger a ny more.

Leave h i m be.

N o.

It's okay.

Let h i m do what he wa nts.

H e's entitled .

I ki lled h is wife.

Yes, you d id .

(MO NITO R B EEPI N G)

Oh, h i .

J ust i n to say hello?

N o, I' m j ust i n to say good bye.

I' m su re he' ll pu ll th roug h .

Yea h, he's made a terri ble mess of h i mself,

but, he's awfu lly strong, so, we m ust look on the brig ht side.

Well. . . (CLEARS TH ROAT)

Pa rti ng g ift.

Aww, that's n ice.

A wa lki ng stick.

Yea h, it was m i ne from a long ti me ago.

- (P H O N E RI N GI N G) - (CLEARS TH ROAT)

H ello? Wa rd 7 3 .

Oh, u h, Dr Watson ...

H m m?

It's for you .

H ello, Mycroft.

MYCRO FT: There s a car downstairs.

You know he shou ld defi n itely have worn the hat.

Sti ll th i n ki ng a bout Sherlock?

N o, you a re.

You 've got you r d isa pprovi ng face on .

Well, seei ng as I' m i nside you r head, I th i n k we ca n ca ll that self-loath i ng .

Where is she? Where is Mrs H udson?

She' ll be u p i n a moment.

-U h, what a re you doi ng? -Sorry...

Have you noticed the kitchen? It's practica lly a meth la b.

I' m tryi ng to esta blish exactly what d rove Sherlock off the ra i ls, a ny ideas?

Are these spooks?

Are you usi ng spooks now, to look after you r fa m i ly.

Ha ng on, a re they tidyi ng?

Sherlock is a secu rity concern .

The fact that I' m h is brother cha nges noth i ng .

-Yea h you sa id that before. -Ask h i m .

Why fixate on Cu lverton Sm ith?

H e's had h is obsessions before, of cou rse.

But th is goes a bit fu rther tha n

setti ng a ma n tra p for Father Ch ristmas.

Do it. Ask h i m .

Spend i ng a ll n ig ht ta lki ng to a woma n who wasn 't even there.

Oh sh ut u p, you .

Mycroft, last ti me when we were on the phone...

N o, no, no, stop. I detest conversation i n the past tense.

You sa id the fact that you ' re h is brother made no d ifference.

It doesn 't.

You sa id it d id n 't the last ti me, a nd it wou ld n 't with Sherlock.

So who was it the last ti me?

-Who a re you ta lki ng a bout? -Atta boy.

N obody.

I m isspoke.

- H e's lyi ng . -You ' re lyi ng .

I assu re you I' m not.

MARY: H e rea lly is lyi ng .

Sherlock's not you r on ly brother.

There's a nother one, isn 't there?

- N o. - (LAUG HI N G) Jesus.

A secret brother. What, is he locked u p i n a tower or someth i ng?

Mycroft H olmes.

What a re these d readfu l people doi ng i n my house?

Mrs H udson I a polog ise for the i nterru ption .

As you know, my brother has em ba rked i n a prog ra m me of self-destruction,

rema rka ble even by h is sta nda rds,

a nd I' m endeavou ri ng to fi nd out what triggered it.

-And that's what you ' re looki ng for? -Qu ite so.

What's on h is m i nd?

-So to spea k. -And you 've had a ll th is ti me?

Ti me bei ng someth i ng of wh ich we don 't have a n i nfi n ite su pply.

So, if we cou ld be a bout ou r busi ness.

(GIGG LI N G)

You ' re so fu n ny, you a re !

Mrs H udson?

H e th i n ks you ' re clever.

Poor old Sherlock.

Always goi ng on a bout you .

I mea n he knows you ' re a n id iot.

But that's okay, 'ca use you a re a lovely doctor.

But he has no idea what a n id iot you a re !

Is th is merely strea m of consciousness a buse,

or a re you attem pti ng to ma ke a poi nt?

You wa nt to know what's botheri ng Sherlock?

Easiest th i ng i n the world . Anyone ca n do it.

I know h is thoug ht processes better tha n a ny other h u ma n bei ng .

So please try to u ndersta nd .

H e's not a bout th i n ki ng . N ot Sherlock.

-Of cou rse he is. - N o. H e's more emotiona l, isn 't he?

U nsolved case, shoot the wa ll. (MAKES S H OOTI N G SOU N DS)

U n made brea kfast ka rate the fridge.

U na nswered q uestions...

Well, what does he do with a nyth i ng he ca n 't a nswer, Joh n?

Every ti me.

H e sta bs it.

Anyth i ng he ca n 't fi nd the a nswer for, ba ng ! It's u p there.

I keep telli ng you, if he was a ny good as the detective

I wou ld n 't need a new ma ntle.

MARY: Ifyoure watching this, Im...

Probably dead.

Okay no, stop that now, please.

MRS H U DSO N : Everybody out now.

All of you !

Th is is my house, th is is my friend, a nd that's h is depa rted wife.

Anyone who stays here a m i n ute longer

is ad m itti ng to me persona lly, they do not have

a si ng le spa rk of h u ma n decency.

Get out of my house.

You repti le.

You 've been ages wa ki n ' u p.

I watched you .

It was q u ite lovely i n its way.

Ta ke it easy, it's okay.

I don 't wa nt to rush th is.

You ' re Sherlock H olmes.

MARY: Im giving you a case, Sherlock.

Might be the hardest case ofyour career.

When Im...

Gone, iflm gone.

I needyou to do something for me.

Savejohn Watson.

Save him.

Sherlock...

Joh n, you wa nt to watch th is later?

MARY: Save him.

Don t think anyone else is going to save him because there isn t anyone.

Its uP to you. Save him.

But I do think youre going to need a Iittle helP with that,

because youre not exactly good with PeoPIe.

So here s a few things you need to know about the man we both Iove.

And more imPortantly, what youre going to need to do to save him.

H ow d id you get i n?

Policemen outside, you mea n?

Come on, ca n 't you g uess?

Secret door.

I bu i lt th is whole wi ng .

Kept fi ri ng the a rch itect who bu i lt it, so no one

knew q u ite, how it a ll fitted together.

I ca n sli p i n a nd out.

Anywhere I li ke, you know.

When I get the u rge.

H . H . H olmes.

Mu rder castle, but done rig ht.

I have a q uestion for you .

Why you a re here?

It's li ke you wa lked i nto my den a nd la id down i n front of me.

Why?

You know why I' m here.

I'd li ke to hea r you say it.

Say it for me please.

I wa nt you to ki ll me.

Joh n .

My ca r.

Increase the dosage fou r, five ti mes, the toxic shock

shou ld sh ut me down, with i n a bout a n hou r.

Then I' ll restore the setti ngs.

Everyone assu mes that it was a fa u lt, or...

-You j ust gave u p the g host. -Yes.

You a re good at th is.

Before we sta rt, tell me how you feel.

I...

-I feel sca red . - (CH UCKLES)

Be more specific.

You on ly get to do th is the once.

Sca red of dyi ng .

You wa nted th is thoug h .

I have reasons.

But you don 't actua lly wa nt to d ie.

N o.

Good .

Say that for me.

-Say it. -I don 't wa nt to d ie.

And aga i n .

I don 't wa nt to d ie.

Once more for luck.

I don 't wa nt to d ie.

I don 't...

I don 't wa nt to d ie.

Lovely.

H ere it comes.

JO H N : PIease, I don t think he s safe.

LESTRAD E: No, he s fine, Got a man on the door.

What do you thinks haPPened?

I don 't know, someth i ng . Ma ry left a message.

What message?

John Watson,

never accePts helP, not from anyone.

Not ever, but here s the thing, he never refuses it.

So, here s is what you are going to do.

So tell me, why a re we doi ng th is?

To what do I owe the pleasu re?

I wa nted to hea r you r confession .

N eeded to know I was rig ht.

Why do you need to d ie?

The mortua ry,

you r favou rite room .

You ta lk to the dead .

You ma ke you r confession to them .

I' m sorry, si r, what? What do you mea n?

- (DOO R RATTLES) -I th i n k the door is ja m med .

Oh, has that door locked itself aga i n?

Yea h, it's a lways doi ng that.

You can t savejohn, because he won t Iet you.

He won t allow himself to be saved.

The only way to savejohn,

is to make him save you.

Why do you do it?

Why do I ki ll?

It's not a bout hatred or revenge.

I' m not a da rk person .

Ki lli ng h u ma n bei ngs...

(CH UCKLES)

It j ust ma kes me...

Ah . Incred i bly ha ppy.

You know, i n fi lms when you see dead people,

pretend i ng to be dead, a nd it's j ust livi ng people lyi ng down?

That's not what dead people look li ke.

Dead people

look li ke th i ngs.

I li ke to ma ke people i nto th i ngs.

Then you ca n own them .

You know what, I' m getti ng a little i m patient.

Ta ke a big breath if you wa nt.

Go to hell, Sherlock.

Go right into hell.

And make it Iook Iike you mean it.

Mu rder is a very d ifficu lt add iction to ma nage.

People don 't rea lise how m uch work goes i nto it.

You have to be ca refu l.

But if you ' re rich, or fa mous a nd loved,

it's a mazi ng what people a re prepa red to ig nore.

There's a lways someone desperate a bout to go m issi ng,

a nd no one is su pposed to suspect m u rder if it's easier to suspect

someth i ng else.

I j ust have to ration myself, choose the rig ht hea rt to stop.

Go andPick a fight with a badguy, Put yourselfin harm s way.

(WHIS P ERI N G) Ma i nta i n eye contact.

Ma i nta i n eye contact.

Ma i nta i n eye contact.

I li ke to watch it ha ppen .

Ifhe thinks you need him, I swear...

And off we pop.

He will be there.

(MO NTIO R B EEPI N G FASTER)

- (DOO R S LAMS O P EN ) - (H O LMES I N HALI N G)

Mr H olmes, you okay?

What were you doi ng to h i m? What were you doi ng !

- H e's i n d istress, I' m helpi ng h i m ! - Restra i n h i m now, do it.

-I was tryi ng to help h i m ! -Sherlock, what was he doi ng to you?

Suffocati ng me.

-Overdosi ng me. -On what?

-Sa li ne. -Sa li ne?

-Yea h, sa li ne. (MOANS) -What do you mea n, sa li ne?

Well, obviously, I got N u rse Corn ish to switch the bags.

She's a big fa n, you know.

Loves my blog .

-You ' re okay? - N o of cou rse I' m not okay.

Ma lnou rished, dou ble kid ney fa i lu re,

a nd fra n kly, I've been off my tits for weeks.

What ki nd of doctor a re you?

(G ROANS) I got my confession thoug h, d id n 't I?

Well, I d id n 't reca ll ma ki ng a ny confession .

(STAMMERI N G) What wou ld I be confessi ng to?

You ca n listen to it later.

Well, there is no confession to listen to.

Oh, Mr H olmes, I don 't know if th is is releva nt, but

we fou nd th ree potentia l record i ng devices, i n the pockets of you r coat.

All you r possessions were sea rched . Sorry.

There m ust be someth i ng comforti ng a bout the n u m ber th ree,

people a lways g ive u p after th ree.

What? What is it? What?

Oh ...

-You cock. -Yea h .

Utter, utter cock.

H ea rd you the fi rst ti me.

H ow does that open?

Screw the top.

-Two weeks ago? -Th ree.

I' m that pred icta ble?

N o.

(SIG HS)

I' m j ust a cock.

CU LVERTO N : It's fu n ny.

N ever rea lised confessi ng wou ld be so enjoya ble.

Shou ld have done it sooner.

We' ll ca rry on tomorrow.

Well, we cou ld ca rry on now, I' m not ti red .

There's a loads more.

Tomorrow.

You know, I a m gon na be so fa mous now.

You ' re a lready fa mous.

Yea h, but with th is...

I cou ld brea k America .

S H ERLOCK: I had of course several other back uP PIans.

The trouble is, I couldn t remember what they were.

And of cou rse I had n 't rea lly a ntici pated

that I'd ha lluci nated meeti ng h is da ug hter.

MARY: Basica lly he trashed h i mself on d rugs

so that you ' ll help h i m, so that you 'd have someth i ng to do,

someth i ng doctory, you get that now, don 't you?

Sti ll a bit trou bled by the da ug hter.

Did seem very rea l.

She gave me i nformation I cou ld n 't have acq u i red elsewhere.

But she wasn 't ever here?

Interesti ng, isn 't it? I have theorised before

that if one cou ld atten uate to every ava i la ble

data strea m i n the world si m u lta neously,

it wou ld be possi ble to a ntici pate a nd ded uce a lmost a nyth i ng .

H m m .

So you d rea med u p a mag ic woma n who told you th i ngs you d id n 't know?

That sou nds a bout rig ht to me. Possi bly I' m biased .

Perha ps the d rugs opened certa i n doors i n my m i nd .

-I' m i ntrig ued . - Look, I know you a re.

Wh ich is why we' re a ll ta ki ng it i n tu rns to keep you off the sweeties.

I thoug ht we were j ust ha ng i ng out.

Molly wi ll be here i n 2 0 m i n utes.

Oh, I do th i n k I ca n last twenty m i n utes without su pervision .

Well, if you ' re su re.

Ch rist, Joh n, stay, ta lk.

U m, sorry, it's j ust, u h, you know, Rosie.

Yes, of cou rse, Rosie.

Go a nd solve a cri me together, ma ke h i m wea r the hat.

-You ' ll be okay for 2 0 m i n utes? -Yes, yes.

Sorry, I wasn 't th i n ki ng of Rosie.

- N o problem . Listen, u h . . . -We shou ld, u h ...

I' ll come a nd see you, soon .

Yes.

Actua lly, he shou ld wea r the hat as a specia l tri bute to me.

I' m dead . I wou ld rea lly a ppreciate it.

Oh, by the way, the record i ngs wi ll proba bly be i nad m issi ble.

Sorry what?

Well, tech n ica lly it's entra pment, so...

It m ig ht get th rown out as evidence. N ot that that matters.

Appa rently he ca n 't stop confessi ng .

-That's good . -Yea h .

-Are you okay? - (CH UCKLES)

(STAMMERS) N o, I' m not okay.

I' m never gon na be okay.

We j ust have to accept that. It is what it is.

And what it is, is...

-Sh it. -Joh n, do better.

You d id n 't ki ll Ma ry.

Ma ry d ied savi ng you r life.

It's her choice.

N o one made her do it, no one cou ld ever ma ke her do a nyth i ng .

But the poi nt is,

you d id not ki ll her.

In savi ng my life she conferred a va lue on it.

It is a cu rrency I do not know how to spend .

It is what it is.

I' m tomorrow six ti ll ten, I' ll see you then .

Looki ng forwa rd to it.

Yea h .

(MOANI N G COMI N G FROM MO BI LE)

-That noise, that's a text a lert noise. -What was that?

H m m? What was what?

That's the text a lert of Irene Ad ler, she's the sca ry mad one, rig ht?

That noise.

What noise?

She's dead . (GAS PS)

Oh I bet she isn 't dead . I bet he saved her.

(LAUG HI N G) Oh, my God !

Oh, the posh boy loves the dom i natrix!

H e's never knowi ng ly u nder-clichéd, is he?

Joh n?

I' m gon na ma ke a ded uction .

-Oh okay, that's good . -And if my ded uction is rig ht,

you ' re gon na be honest a nd tell me, okay?

Okay. Thoug h I shou ld mention that it is possi ble for a ny g iven text a lert

-to become ra ndom ly attached to. . . - Ha ppy bi rthday.

Tha n k you, Joh n, that's very ki nd of you .

N ever knew when you r bi rthday was.

Well, now you do.

Seriously, we' re not goi ng to ta lk a bout th is?

Ta lk a bout what?

-I mea n, how does it work? - H ow does what work?

You a nd the woma n, do you go to a d iscreet Ha rvester someti mes, is there

-n ig hts of passion i n H ig h Wycom be? -Oh, for God 's sa kes.

-I don 't text her back. - (CH UCKLI N G) Why not?

You bloody moron !

She's out there, she li kes you, a nd she's a live,

a nd do you have the fi rst idea how lucky you a re?

Yes she's a lu natic, she's a cri m i na l, she's i nsa nely da ngerous,

trust you to fa ll for a sociopath .

Oh, ma rried a n assassi n .

But she's, you know...

-What? -J ust text her back.

-Why? - Beca use H ig h Wycom be

is better tha n you a re cu rrently eq u i pped to u ndersta nd .

I once ca ug ht a tri ple poisoner i n H ig h Wycom be.

That's on ly the beg i n n i ng, mate.

As I th i n k I've expla i n to you ma ny ti mes before,

roma ntic enta ng lement,

wh i le fu lfi lli ng for other people...

Wou ld com plete you as a h u ma n bei ng .

-That doesn 't even mea n a nyth i ng . -J ust text her.

Phone her, do someth i ng wh i le there's sti ll a cha nce.

Beca use that cha nce doesn 't last forever.

Trust me, Sherlock, it's gone before you know it.

Before you know it.

She was wrong a bout me.

Ma ry? H ow so?

She thoug ht that if you put you rself i n ha rm 's way, I'd ...

I'd rescue you or someth i ng .

But I d id n 't, not 'ti ll she told me to.

And that's how th is works, that's what you ' re m issi ng .

She ta ug ht me to be the ma n she a lready thoug ht I was.

Get you rself a piece of that.

Look at me, you a re doi ng you rself a d isservice.

I have known ma ny people i n th is world, but made few friends,

-a nd I ca n safely say. . . -I cheated on her.

N o clever comeback? I cheated on you, Ma ry.

It was a woma n, on the bus,

a nd I had a plastic da isy i n my ha i r, I'd been playi ng with Rosie.

And th is g i rl j ust sm i led at me.

That's a ll it was, it was a sm i le.

We texted consta ntly.

You wa nt to know when? Every ti me you left the room, that's when .

When you were feed i ng ou r da ug hter.

When you were stoppi ng her from cryi ng, that's when .

That's a ll it was.

J ust texti ng .

But I wa nted more.

And you know someth i ng? I sti ll do.

I' m not the ma n you thoug ht I was.

I' m not that g uy.

I never cou ld be.

But that's the poi nt.

That's the whole poi nt.

Who you thoug ht I was...

is the ma n who I wa nt to be.

Well then,

Joh n Watson .

Get the hell on with it.

(SO B BI N G)

It's okay.

It's not okay.

N o.

But it is what it is.

S H ERLOCK: So, Mollys gonna meet us at this cake PIace.

JO H N : Its your birthday, cake is obligatory.

Well, I su ppose a suga r h ig h is some sort of su bstitute.

Behave.

Rig ht then . You know, it's not my place to say, but,

it was j ust texti ng .

People text, even I text, her.

I mea n, Woma n . Bad idea .

Try not to, but, you know, someti mes...

It's not a pleasa nt thoug ht, Joh n .

But I have th is terri ble feeli ng from ti me to ti me

that we m ig ht a ll j ust be h u ma n .

- Even you? - N o.

Even you .

-Ca ke? -Ca ke.

Oh, erm ...

What. What is it?

What's wrong?

(CH UCKLES) Seriously?

I' m Sherlock H olmes. I wea r the da m n hat.

Isn 't that rig ht, Ma ry?

TH ERAPIST: You seem so m uch better, Joh n .

Yea h, I a m . I th i n k I a m .

N ot a ll day, not every day, but, u h, you know.

-It is what it is? -Yea h .

And Rosie?

Bea utifu l, perfect.

U n precedented i n the h istory of ch i ld ren .

That's not my bias,

-that's scientific fact. -Good .

And Sherlock H olmes?

Back to norma l.

S H ERLOCK: Get out! MAN : She's possessed by the devi l.

I swea r my wife is cha n nelli ng Sata n !

Yes, bori ng, go away.

-I' m not cha n nelli ng Sata n . -Why not?

Given you r i m med iate a lternative.

What a bout h is brother?

Mycroft? H e's fi ne.

So, you ' re off now, I won 't see you for a week?

J ust spend i ng it at home.

U n less she ca lls.

The PM.

- H ere. -What's th is?

My n u m ber.

I a lready have you r n u m ber.

My private n u m ber.

Why wou ld I need that?

I don 't know.

Maybe you 'd li ke a d ri n k someti me.

Of what?

U p to you .

Ca ll me.

(CH UCKLI N G)

I mea n obviously, norma l a nd fi ne a re both relative terms

when it comes to Sherlock a nd Mycroft.

(CH UCKLES) Obviously.

She was rea l.

But, I d id n 't mea n Mycroft. I mea n the other one.

Wh ich other one?

You know, the secret one.

Oh, that was j ust someth i ng ...

I sa id . I' m su re there's...

H ow d id you know a bout that? I d id n 't tell you that.

-You m ust have done. -I rea lly d id n 't.

Well, maybe Sherlock told me.

Wa it, you 've met Sherlock exactly once, i n th is room .

H e was off h is head .

Oh no, no.

- (STAMMERI N G) I met h i m before that. -When?

We spent a n ig ht together.

It was lovely.

We had ch i ps.

(I N FAITH 'S VOICE) You ' re not what I expected, Mr H olmes.

You ' re...

N icer.

Cu lverton gave me Fa ith 's orig i na l note.

A m utua l friend put us i n touch .

Did Sherlock ever tell you a bout the note?

I added some ded uctions for Sherlock. H e was q u ite good .

But he d id n 't get the big one.

In fa i rness thoug h, he does have excellent taste i n ch i ps.

-What's that? -What's what?

The flower i n you r ha i r is li ke I had on the bus.

You looked very sweet.

But then ...

You have such n ice eyes.

Amazi ng, the ti mes a ma n doesn 't rea lly look at you r face.

Oh, you ca n h ide beh i nd a sexy sm i le or a wa lki ng ca ne.

Or j ust be a thera pist, ta lki ng a bout you .

All the ti me.

Oh, please don 't go a nywhere, I' m su re the thera pist who actua lly lives here

wou ld n 't wa nt blood on the ca rpet.

Oh, ha ng on . It's fi ne.

She's i n a sack i n the a i ri ng cu pboa rd .

-Who a re you? -Isn 't it obvious?

Haven 't you g uessed?

I' m Eu rus.

Eu rus?

Si lly na me, isn 't it? Greek. Mea ns the East Wi nd .

My pa rents loved si lly na mes.

Li ke Eu rus,

or Mycroft,

or Sherlock.

Oh, look at h i m .

Did n 't it ever occu r to you not even once,

that Sherlock's secret brother m ig ht j ust be Sherlock's secret sister?

Oh .

H e's ma ki ng a fu n ny face.

I th i n k I' ll put a hole i n it.

(GU NS H OT)