Original subtitles

How's my lovely sister, by the way?

It wasn't meant to go on like this.

Why don't you help me here, huh?

Your problem, you deal with it.

I can't do this.

You were my client and I'm a prostitute

and that's never going to go away.

I don't care. Not now. But you will.

Duncan, can we just tell the truth?

You go first.

Oh my God! Byron!

Love is overrated and built on very shaky ground.

Whereas an affair with your wardrobe,

it's solid and it lasts forever.

That's 4,600, please.

I'll pay cash.

Number one unwritten rule of being an escort?

You're only allowed one lover. Money.

That one's quite good.

Do you think?

You don't like it?

I just think it looks a bit cheap.

Unless that's what you're after?

No, no. I don't want cheap.

It's important that you're happy with it.

Uh, this one is a bit subtler?

Yeah, maybe.

Well, would you buy it?

Well, I don't have to, do I?

You're angry with me.

No, it's just that we're acting as though nothing happened

and, frankly, I just find that a bit odd.

I, uh...

I think we should maybe keep it to work in the workplace.

Absolutely.

Belle... Yeah?

We...

We had sex here,

which is very much in the workplace or on the workplace,

if you want to count the desk. There you go, I've said it.

Okay. Is that better now?

Yeah, it is. But I should probably leave

and come back and do the writer stuff another time.

Okay. That's fine. You go.

Great. Thanks.

I don't need a boyfriend when I've got regulars like Al.

He pays well, and there's no bullshit.

No games.

Hiya, beautiful. How you doing, all right?

Good. You?

Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, I'm great. I missed ya.

So what you fancy doing today?

What are you in the mood for? Anything.

Everything. I'll let you decide.

Perfect.

Can we do it on the floor again?

I love all that. Makes me feel all young again.

You are young, silly.

Oh, stop it!

Say it again, a bit slower!

You are.

All right then. I'm gonna go and take a little shower.

See? Easy. Sex.

Enthusiasm. Respect. Clarity.

Yeah, that's it. Just there.

Is that too much?

No, that's good.

That's better than good.

All right, just a tiny bit faster.

Okay.

All right, slower.

All right, faster now.

No. Whoa, whoa. That was close.

Bloody lovely, though.

All right. Come on, your turn.

I want to get the speed just right this time. And the pressure.

It sounds a bit like you're pumping up a car tire.

Oh, don't talk about cars. You'll get me too excited.

Is that it? Yeah.

Now that is a beautiful sight. Oh, look at you.

Oh, well, it's only your cheap stuff.

It's not cheap!

Yeah, well it's not classy, is it? Come on, up you get.

Is this your idea of classy, is it?

You watch it, you.

I'm in quite a strategic position here.

You all right up there?

What do you think?

Three sugars?

Hey, magic.

That's for you.

What is it? A tip?

Cheeky. No, it's a...

It's a retainer.

Yeah, I'm thinking I might have a bit more time to play with on this next contract,

so thought I might make it round every Tuesday.

You all right with that? Perfect.

How much is in there?

Ten hours.

Look, I did round it up, though, so if you wanna,

you know, give me a freebie

it'll be much appreciated. Thank you very much.

I'll throw in a few blow jobs.

Yeah, great. Well, we're going steady, aren't we?

You and me, happy days!

Do you never... Never fancied settling down?

You know, with a fella?

I can't have a boyfriend.

Not while I'm doing this job. It's impossible.

Get out of it. You could have any bloke you wanted, like that.

Yeah. They can't handle it.

Well, I guess it all depends on the fella, doesn't it?

Well, could you handle it?

Truthfully? Yeah.

All right, look, if I met you and I was single and you told me what you did,

yeah. Yeah, I could definitely handle it. 'Course I could.

Yeah, but we'd have to be completely straight with each other.

Right, and this is coming from a man who can't tell his wife he takes sugar.

Oh, you cheeky mare.

I should go.

Bye, Al. Bye, sweetheart.

Duncan. Hi.

Hi.

Can I come in?

Yeah.

Shit. Shit. Bollocks.

Hi. Hi.

I've just brought you these for your approval.

Thanks.

We narrowed it down to four.

Great. Well, this is unexpected.

Yeah, sorry. I should probably have rung ahead first.

Do you want some coffee? Sure.

I thought the cuts you made were great. Really work.

Good.

Look, I know I was a bit rubbish earlier on.

I'm not very good at all of that sort of thing.

It's okay.

Do you think we could sort of rewind?

Forget I was a bit of a twat?

'Course we can.

Thanks.

You're actually meant to say, "Oh, no, you weren't a bit of a twat."

Oh.

And that's your second chance?

And it's gone.

Look, I really like you.

I'd like to see you again.

But I have to warn you, I'm a complete and utter nightmare.

Is this supposed to be some challenge?

No.

Yeah. Maybe.

What do you think?

I think it's only fair that I should warn you.

I'm impossible, too.

Really?

Really.

I mean, for starters, I'm completely OCD about cleanliness.

Oh, you're lying.

Fuck off!

I'm joking. It's immaculate!

And hoovered.

Hoovered?

Well, I'm gonna have to inspect that.

Oh, shit. What was that?

No, no, no. It was empty. Sorry...

It's fine. No, no, it's not.

It's okay.

Everyone should drink champagne in the morning.

What?

Just so long as there's no-one hiding in the bedroom?

No. Nobody.

This is not right.

What? Al! No, no, no. You've got to go!

How come he doesn't mind?

It's like you said. If you want to be with someone, you want to be with them.

Oh, I was lying.

No man can be okay with his woman doing what you do.

It's a no go area. No ifs or buts.

You are so lovely.

I bet he says that to all the girls.

Do you want me to get him off you? No.

Ask him why it's not a problem.

Go on.

Duncan...

I'm a prostitute.

I'm an editor.

Yeah.

Why are you okay with it?

Uh, well. It's just my job.

No, no, no. It bothers me that you're okay with what I do.

Then I'm not okay with it.

Right, well, if that's the case, it can't work, can it?

You're not really giving me much of a chance here.

I've got to be somewhere.

Weren't we just...

'Cause you seemed to be quite into it.

Yeah, I was. But now I'm not, and I need you to go. Now.

Okay.

Bye. Bye.

What? I had to do it.

He's my editor, and escorts can't have boyfriends.

Keep up!

When life gets too much, this is my sanctuary.

Anyone who says money is the root of all evil

has obviously never had a lot of it.

Why would I go to a bank when there's this?

London's best kept secret.

Hi.

Hi, Stephanie.

Doing your laundry too, are you?

No need to look sheepish. I'm not the taxman.

I love spending time down here, don't you?

Yeah. But I'm actually late.

Do you know the thing I like best about having cash?

There's absolutely no one to spend it on but myself.

Same for you, too, isn't it?

I've got to go.

I just don't know whether I've done the right thing or not.

Ow!

That helps. Thanks.

"I'm never gonna see someone again.

"Not while I'm doing this job.

"Punch me if I ever try it." That's what you said.

But maybe I was joking.

Oh, my God, this is the guy Bambi's seeing.

Hey, guys. Hi!

Bambi, hi.

Byron.

Ben. Hannah.

Hi. Hello.

We want your best champagne, Ben.

Oh, what's the occasion?

Well...

We're getting married!

We are, yeah.

This is a bit...

Brilliant?

Yeah!

So, when did you...

First meet?

Oh, two weeks ago, today.

Right.

And you've set a date, have you?

Not yet.

Yeah, it's up to Bambi, really. Mrs. Bambi.

Might need to find out her real name before the big day!

You're being a bit weird about this.

He booked you for a shag two weeks ago.

You hardly know each other.

Look, no offense, but...

None taken.

We'll get to know each other.

Yeah. Every day.

Okay, well...

What's her favorite color?

What?

Just because it's a car crash whenever you see someone,

does not mean it has to be the same for everyone else.

Bam Bam, should we go?

I think it might be an idea.

Can we go? Yeah. Of course we can.

We'll find somewhere proper to celebrate.

"What's her favorite color?"

Shut up.

That's you three up to date. Thank you.

Look who's here. Twice in one day? It must be my birthday.

Do you have a minute? Are you paying?

Right, bugger off. Work to do.

What can I do for you?

I'm a bit worried about Bambi. She's been seeing this client.

Doesn't worry me. As long as she turns up for work.

His name's Byron.

He's asked her to marry him. Do you know him?

Yeah, young guy. Old money. He wants to marry her?

Ooh! She's done all right for herself, hasn't she?

It's insane. Why?

As long as she gets a good pre-nup.

I'm talking about her well-being.

So am I.

Do you think it can ever work?

Seeing someone and doing this job?

No. I thought it could once.

Then she ran off with all my money and my car.

Oh. Right.

Money's the only thing worth having, Belle.

Relationships, they're unreliable. But this...

You know that.

We're alike, aren't we?

Identical in some respects.

Favorite pudding?

Oh, uh, treacle tart with custard.

Um... Tree?

Tree? Favorite tree?

Yes. Like mine's a sycamore.

Sycamore then. I like sycamores.

Cartoon?

Count Duckula. Closely followed by Thundercats, obviously.

Next question...

Do you like me?

What? Of course I like you.

I just wanted to cck. A lot of people don't.

My parents for example.

Mine didn't like me either.

No? No.

Well, maybe they did, but they gave me away,

which probably means they didn't like me that much.

Superhero?

Silver Surfer. Yours?

And it's not allowed to be me.

Wolverine. Definitely.

Uh-huh.

Hi.

Belle, I'm in the middle of something.

Could you possibly wait outside? No, I can't.

Can we, uh, can we just stop playing grown-up jobs in suits for a minute

and actually talk about this?

I'm gonna have to call you back in 10 minutes.

Thanks.

Look, I'm sorry if I was confusing this morning,

but I've never met a man who can handle what I do.

And I'm not sure you'll be able to cope, so...

Right. You know it's a bad idea. Let's just forget about it.

Belle, wait!

Don't just walk away! Belle!

My name's not Belle.

Well, what is it then?

Tell me. No.

Where do you want this?

Anywhere. Put it anywhere.

Great.

Anywhere but there.

Why do you keep running away?

She doesn't look anything like me.

Look, if you're not interested, that's fine.

Before you came round today,

I'd had sex with another man.

Yeah, I know that.

Okay, say, we meet after work,

and you say, "How was your day, darling?"

And I'm like, "Yeah, it was fine.

"I had sex with this guy, it was nothing. How was yours?"

Well, if I've been with a guy, then I'll tell you.

I have slept with 1,036 men.

No, I can't top that.

Sometimes I enjoy it.

Look, we're not talking about a life sentence here, just...

Seeing where it goes.

Yeah, but why, though?

Why would you want to see me when there's all that baggage?

Because I don't see baggage or a problem.

You're smart and funny.

A bit crazy.

Would you please tell me your real name?

Hannah.

Hannah. Nice.

So we should stop analyzing ourselves into the ground here.

Okay.

I like you. You like me.

I fancy you. I think you fancy me.

I do.

What are we arguing about then?

Nothing.

So, we're on?

Yeah, we're on.

Call me James.

If you're going to do role play, you have to do it completely.

You have to get every detail right.

Excuse me... Sorry.

What was that? He's a client.

This is Duncan.

I've heard a lot about you. Right.

Evening, evening. Evening.

"Duncan is a Prick."

You wanker.

This isn't over.