All language subtitles for Love,.Victor.S03E04.SPAMnEGGS.en

Hey, I, I was just wondering.

W-would you wanna, maybe,
catch a movie or something?

- Oh, um, like a...
- Like a, like a date.

Uh, I, I didn't think that's
what we were doin' here.

W-well, as-as much as I love
hooking up in your parents' car,

I, I figured maybe we could
just... share a meal together?

Um... to be honest, I'm not...

I'm not really looking for
a relationship right now.

Um, I'm just havin' fun,
and meetin' people, and...

People? S... so you're, uh,
hanging out with multiple people?

Just a few.

Is, is that... cool with you?
That we just keep this casual?

Uh...

Y-yeah, yeah. T-totally.
Why are we still talking?

Goodness, you are just the
prettiest girls in all of Creekwood,

even in that lumpy old sweater.

Can we help you?

Okay, remember Melinda,

my old stylist who had
that unfortunate mole?

Anyway, she's starting her own boutique,

and she's desperate to have some
VIPs at the big grand opening.

And this VIP needs her "VI-Posse",

trademark pending, to come with.

Well, that sounds so fun, um, but
I have a project for world civ.

I have to design my own society,

and all I have so far
is "must-have toilets".

Mm...

But Mia could go with you.

- Wait. What's happening?
- Oh, we'll go to lunch.

We'll go shopping, we'll girl talk.

It'll be just like having a daughter.

- Um, hi.
- Another daughter. So touchy, this one.

Why am I spending the afternoon
shopping with your mother?

Please. I just... I can't do
another one of these shopping days

where she criticizes
everything about me,

and asks me endless questions
about which boys I'm dating.

Yeah, that does sound awkward.

When are you gonna tell her
about your Lucy situation?

Hm, well, my general policy is
never, ever tell her anything ever.

Please, just... take her
off my hands for a day.

Mia. Hi. I'm gonna be wearing coral,

so if you could just wear
a similar color palette.

Thank you.

You owe me.

Quick quesch.

So, you know how I'm in peer tutoring?

Well, Benji fell behind in rehab,

and of all the people in this
school, he was assigned me.

Is that weird for you?

No, no. Y... you should
definitely help him.

Although, I don't think you're
his favorite person at the moment.

Once I rebrand myself as a
super-helpful calculus buddy,

I'll win him over...
'cause I grow on people.

I'm a grower, not a show-er.

I don't think that means
what you think it means.

Hm.

Hey. You're, uh, "you up-ing" me.

It's usually the other way around.

I was in the mood for some
fun. You know, super casz.

I'm always down for that.

Uh... but my grandparents
are inside eating fruitcake,

telling my mom how much
prettier her sister is, so.

Um... what about over there?

- Who are you?
- Just call me Mr. Casual.

Sorry, sorry.

- This is bad.
- I like being bad.

- Did I pull it off?
- Just pull my pants off.

Are you sure you don't
wanna stay longer?

We don't get that many chances to
hang out with both my parents gone.

Yeah, I know, but after all
the "studying" we've been doing,

I need to do some actual studying.

Actual studying?

You know, you're a bad influence on me.

- You love it.
- I really do.

Okay, bye.

Hello, mi amor.

Hey, um.

Do... friends cup each other's faces?

Cup each other's faces?
What are you talking about?

You are smushing me.
What is wrong with you?

I saw Pilar doin' it
to Felix in the hallway.

Oh... probably had
something on his cheek.

He's a very messy eater.

I'm gonna have to get him a
rain poncho for chili night.

Isa, no, I'm telling
you, I saw something.

She has been acting
kinda strange lately.

- Like... happy.
- Yes.

Like the other day,
she said "I love you",

and then didn't ask me for money after.

I mean, what the hell?

Yeah, and she did just put
mascara on just to go get the mail.

Pilar and Felix are messing around.

I can't believe I
didn't see this sooner.

Oh, my God.

I mean, today at breakfast...
you know what she said to me?

"Good morning".

We are such fools.

So, what's the latest
with your dad and Veronica?

They liking Palo Alto?

Uh, yeah. Well, um, my dad's liking it.

Veronica is almost at nine months,

so she's not liking anything.

Oh, yeah. Poor thing.
Pregnancy just ravages the body.

I mean... if you absolutely
have to have a baby,

you should definitely hire a surrogate.

Mia, can I ask you something?

Uh, sure.

Oh. Okay, just in the dressing room.

Should I be worried about Lake?

I don't think so.

I, I think everything's
fine. Why do you ask?

She's been so cagey with me lately.
I mean, even more than normal.

And last week, we did a story

about this new psychedelic
drug called Paint.

She's not... "painting", is she?

What? No.

I don't even know what that is.

But, um... you don't need to worry.

Lake has been super happy lately.

She has? Oh, that's so good to hear.

You know, it's funny. I was not
close with my mom growing up.

I mean, she'd already raised
four kids by the time I showed up.

I was a... drunken mistake.

She used to call me her
"chardonnay surprise".

So I swore if I ever had a
daughter, we'd be best friends,

and... here I am asking
you about Lake's life

because she doesn't want to
have anything to do with me.

She is so lucky to have
a friend like you, Mia.

Bought us some fresh-baked pastries
to signify our fresh new start.

Thanks, but I'm, I'm good.

Okay, well, can you at
least take the coffee?

Otherwise, I'll have to drink both,
and if you think I'm a lot now.

You don't have to pretend to like me.

You need the extra
credit. I need the help.

Maybe we just get through this?

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure.

Can I just say one more thing?

There are only three other
gay guys in this whole school.

- Well, that we know of.
- Right?

Sophomore Matthew
really sets off my 'dar.

All I'm saying is, shouldn't
we at least try to get along?

When I told Victor that
I was tutoring you...

Wait, wait, wait. Y... you
told Victor I need tutoring?

I didn't know it was a secret.

No, it's, it's not a
secret. It's, it's just...

Forget it. Can we please
just... get to work?

See Nick last night?

Oh!

- Tell me everything.
- Why are you so invested in this?

C'mon. Let me live vicariously
through your lusty wanton affairs.

My mom's been listening to
The Scarlet Letter on Audible.

Well... Nick and I hooked up
in his little sister's playhouse

while his whole family was home.

- Wanton!
- Honestly,

I'm really loving this
whole casual thing.

I don't have to worry
about where it's going,

and w-we could do whatever we want,

whenever we want with whoever we...

- You okay down there?
- Yeah, do mind turning around for a second?

Okay.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- Ohh!

Okay, first of all, con-congratulations
on what you're packing,

but that is a mean wang.

- Stop looking!
- Well, okay, I can't.

It's like a car accident.

But it's, it's, it's,
it's only a little rash.

It's probably also a
sexually transmitted disease,

but it happens to the best of us.

What do I do?!

Two options: one, we send
a super explicit photo

to our sex-ed teacher.

Option two? Free clinic.

Free clinic!

Hey... back from shopping.
Got some cute stuff.

You survived a day with my mom.

I have an excellent therapist you
can talk to if you need to debrief.

Ah, I don't know. I actually
saw a different side of her.

She was... kind of, nice.

She kept talking about how
she wanted you to be there.

And she really wishes
you guys were closer.

Yeah, well, she also wishes
Harry Styles was 10 years older.

I told her that's not the obstacle.

I know she can be tricky,

but underneath it all,
she really does love you.

Maybe you should tell her about Lucy?

I think she'd be supportive.

So, one afternoon and
you're an expert on my mom?

No, I'm, I'm not saying that.

I just think she would like
to know more about your life.

Okay, well, you guys
are best friends now,

so why don't you tell her?

Okay, maybe I shouldn't
have said anything.

Yeah... maybe you shouldn't have.

She's home.

Okay, we're gonna have a nice,
calm talk like we discussed, right?

Right.

Hello, wonderful parents.

Adrian, go to your room. We
need to talk to your sister.

I always miss the juicy stuff.

Is this about the $20
I took from your wallet?

Because I did ask,
just very, very quietly.

What's going on between you and Felix?

Going on? Nothing. We're friends.

Pilar, your father saw you two
yesterday with the face cupping.

We're giving you a chance to be
honest. I would suggest you take it.

Okay, fine... We're together.

So, um, you lied to us.

I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you.

That's exactly what lying is.

This whole time we
thought you were studying,

but, no, you were in your
room with your door closed

with your boyfriend
doing God knows what.

- We're not having sex or anything.
- Oh my God.

How can I believe a
single thing you say?

You see, this is exactly
why I didn't tell you.

Any time I date someone, Dad goes crazy.

Oh, you think this is crazy? Oh,
no. You don't even know crazy.

Remember when I started dating Eric

and you showed him
your knife collection?

What about Rudy Diaz, hm?

He held my hand at my
fifth-grade roller skating party.

You pulled him aside, and
whatever you said to him

made him pee his pants.

No! No, no. You don't get to yell at me!

You're the one in trouble!
Now go to your room!

- I'm not a child!
- Go!

We're not exactly a "calm
talk" kind of family, are we?

Hey, it's Nick. Leave a message.

Victor. Dr. Richards.
How you doin' today?

Hey, uh, I-I've been better.

Just... a little embarrassed.

Well, there's nothin'
to be embarrassed about.

You're, you're being responsible.
You're gettin' tested.

So, your urine and blood samples
have been delivered to the lab.

Just a couple questions
before I peek under the hood.

Okay.

How many partners are
you sexually active with?

- J... just, just one.
- Okay, so you're monogamous?

Well, I-I'm monogamous,

but, uh, he's not.

It's casual... and I, I agreed to that

because I, I didn't want
my heart to get broken.

There's not a box for that
here, but I'll note it.

You use condoms?

S... We... See, we don't have sex-sex.

We, we do everything but.

I mean, not everything
in the butt. Just...

- I know what you meant.
- Okay.

Um... yep, that's enough questions.

Why don't we go ahead
and raise your gown.

Let's get a good look at that.

Oh dear.

Okay, Benji, so here's
what we're gonna do.

You're gonna look at the problem

and tell me... what is the limit?

Please don't talk to me
like I'm five years old.

Okay, fine. What's the limit, dumbass?

Um...

- Negative one?
- That's right!

Maybe I should've been
cussin' at you this whole time.

- What are you looking for?
- Change of clothes.

Shit. I must've left it in my mom's car.

She's stuck at work, so my
uncle Farzad's picking me up.

He's visiting from Iran,
and he's super religious,

and doesn't even believe
that gay people exist.

So, while he's staying at the house,
my parents asked me if I could...

Go back in the closet?

And I'm trying to be
really cool about it

since they were so great
about me coming out.

But if he tells people back in Iran,

it'll be like this huge,
dark stain on my family.

And now, I'm wearing the
fruitiest shirt in my closet,

and he's gonna be here in 20 minutes.

Okay, uh, well... I think I can help.

How can you help?

Okay, Rahim, here's what we're gonna do.

First, you need to put the pencil
down, and then come with me.

God, is that really what I sounded like?

How did you not punch me in the face?

It was hard. Come on.

Hey. How's it goin'? You okay?

It's not an STI.

It's poison ivy which
I probably got from

hooking up with Nick in his backyard.

Okay! That's great.

Hey, put some cream on the
ween and get back out there.

I guess it's just...

If I was still with Benji,
none of this would've happened.

And even if it did, like,

we would've gone through
it together, you know?

L...

- Go.
- Yeah, just one sec.

Hey, babe. What's up?

My parents found out about us.

My dad's furious. He
wouldn't even let me explain.

No. Hey, hey, hey. It's okay.

- We're, we're in this together, all right?
- You don't get it.

Now he's gonna try to, like,
forbid us from being together,

but... no.

I refuse to let him stop me
from seeing the guy I love.

Ah, wait... Ah, you,
uh, y-y... Ya love me?

Oh, I... I didn't mean...
That just slipped out.

No, no. Hey, Pilar, I, I...

I love you, too.

Uh, hey, uh, let's, um...

Just wait 'til I get home.

'Kay? We'll... figure this out
together. We'll talk to your parents.

- 'Kay?
- Okay.

So, she loves me.

Kinda the best day ever.

- I'm happy for you guys.
- Thanks, man.

Hey.

Uhh, it's weird being in a fight
when we live in the same house.

Normally, I would just
dramatically hang up on you

and not have to see you
later eating my yogurt.

I'm, I'm sorry for, uh, pressuring
you to talk to your mom about Lucy.

That is 100% your decision,

and you should only do
it when you're ready.

- Thank you.
- And I'm always on your side.

I just got swept up in our day

'cause she was fun and nice,

and... it felt good to have
a mom take interest in my life.

I know.

I'm not even mad at you. I'm mad at her.

It would make my life so much easier

if I could just tell her about Lucy,

but... I can't.

The more I like something,
the more she criticizes it.

In the seventh grade, I saved
up all of my birthday money

to buy this super cute
plaid jacket from Forever 21.

Hm, I remember that jacket.
You wore it everywhere.

And then my mom told me
that I looked like a bagpipe,

and I never wore it again.

She poisons everything.

Well, maybe it's time you tell your mom

how these criticisms make you feel.

Yeah, maybe.

- There's an "L" here on the lid.
- I...

- "L" for Lake. I'm just gonna take this.
- Okay.

You'd be surprised what you
can find in the lost and found.

Anything'll do. I'm not picky.

All right... here you go.

No, never. I'd rather watch baseball.

Hey, listen.

Sorry for being a jerk...
about the tutoring.

Sometimes when I'm
overwhelmed, I can be...

I can be kind of an asshole.

Why are you overwhelmed?

I just feel like I'm
disappointing everybody.

I mean, my parents don't
even know about my grades.

They already see me as this
giant failure, my drinking.

I don't know how to tell 'em
I'm failing one more thing.

Guess we can't say we don't
know anything about each other.

- Yeah, both our family situations suck.
- Yeah.

- Ah, it's so ugly.
- Oh, c'mon.

You're tryna look
straight. It's perfect.

Fine.

Mm... first Victor and now me.

Mm, you gotta stop
tryin' to seduce people.

Shut up.

Mi amor, what're you doin'?

I am gonna take our daughter's
door... off the hinges.

Okay, probably shouldn't be saying this

while you're holding a sharp object,

but I've been thinking
and, um, Pilar has a point.

Excuse me?

When it comes to dating, you
do tend to fly off the handle,

and I know that it comes from a
good place, but it's, it's a lot.

Well, I'm her father.

It's my job to protect her.
She's just a little girl.

Okay, actually... that's the point.

She isn't a little girl.

Pilar is growing up, and
whether you like it or not,

she's gonna have boyfriends.

We should be thankful that it's
Felix. He's, he's sweet. He's smart.

He's not gonna... push her into
something that she's not ready for.

- He's all right.
- Come on, you like Felix.

Uhh.

Pilar, come on out!

It's been brought to my attention

that I could've handled
this differently.

Felix wanted to tell
you guys a million times.

I made him keep it a secret

because... I didn't want
you to scare him off.

But it's real. We love each other.

You love each other?

Ay... what do you say?

We're okay. But no more secrets.

No more secrets. I promise.

That was great.

Guys, this is my fault.

Okay? And I, I, I wanna let you
know, I have grounded myself.

And so, any chore you need me
to pick up, nothing's too gross.

Felix, shut up. They're on board.

Really?!

Aw, guys, bring it
in! Mama Salazar, Papa!

Oh!

- Papa!
- Ah, okay. I'm already regretting this.

Hey, it's Nick. Leave a message.

Uh, hey, Nick. It's Victor, um.

I just thought it would be
better to call rather than text,

but you're not answering,

so I guess I'm gonna
do this over voicemail.

Um...

I want... something
more than "you up" texts.

I want... someone who answers my calls.

And I, I know you've been super
clear about keeping this casual,

which is totally cool...
for you. It's just, um...

it's not really working for me.

Oh, Lake, honey, don't slouch.

You're gonna wind up with a turtle body.

Mom, why do you criticize
everything about me?

What? Where is this coming from?

My weight, my clothes, the
way that I sit in this chair.

This morning you corrected my
pronunciation of the word "croissant".

Wait, is that right?
Cross-ant? Cwah-san?

I mean, now I don't
even know how to say it.

The point is, you're never
happy... no matter what I do.

I am so sorry. I had no idea.

- So, you know I'm a public persona.
- Yeah, I heard that somewhere.

Just let me finish.

So, sometimes after the 5:00 news,

I like to go online and see
what the fans have to say.

And... nine times out of 10,
it is not about the story.

It's about my blazer,
or my hair, or my voice,

and I just thought
maybe I could help you

present your best self to the world,

and you could avoid
that kind of bullying.

But what I hear you
saying is I'm the bully.

Lake,

I think you are perfection.

You're smart and beautiful, and any
boy would be so lucky to have you.

Actually, Mom, um...

you know my friend, Lucy?

She's not just my friend.

We're together.

Oh... okay, um.

Well, what does this
mean exactly? Are you bi?

I actually don't know yet.

Are you okay?

Of course, I'm okay.

Oh, wait! This is actually so exciting

because this is perfect
for your college essays.

Finally, something that
makes you interesting.

- Okay, Mom, you're doing it again.
- Okay, yes.

It's gonna take me a minute to unlearn.

- How'd it go?
- See for yourself.

Yaas, Gaga, boots the
house down, A minus!

I don't know what that
means, but, uh, thank you.

- Careful, your hair.
- Mm-hm.

Ay, Pilar.

What the...

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