Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

UH, SARAH, GET ME THE DINER, WILL YOU?

OH, JUANITA?

HI.

BARN.

HOW YOU DOING?

WORKING THE BREAKFAST SHIFT, HUH?

WELL, I THOUGHT I'D CALL NOW AND ASK FOR A DATE FOR TONIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY--

"THE EARLY BIRD CATCHES THE WORM."

UH... I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY, HONEST.

WELL, UH, LISTEN, I THOUGHT I'D COME BY YOUR PLACE TONIGHT

AND BRING YOU A NEW RECORD YOU'D LIKE TO HEAR.

TED WEEMS.

REAL DREAMY STUFF.

SOOTHES THE SAVAGE IN ME.

YEAH... YEAH.

WHAT?

OH, A CUSTOMER CAME IN.

ALL RIGHT.

: CALL ME BACK.

BYE.

AH...

* BUM, BUM, BUMBEE

* BUM, BUM, BEE-LI, BEE

* BEE-LI, LI-BEE, BUBBA, LI-LI

* DOO-DAH, DE-LA-TI

* DOODAH, TI-LI.

MORNING, BARN.

HI, ANDY.

HOW WAS FISHING?

FINE, FINE.

OPIE CAUGHT HIMSELF A REAL BEAUT.

DID HE?

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

WHAT?

THAT SMELL.

YOU BEEN PAINTING?

NO, I AIN'T BEEN PAINTING.

WHAT'S THAT? WHAT?

THAT RIGHT THERE.

YOU STUCK SOMETHING IN THERE.

WHAT'S THAT?

SHAVING LOTION.

"NUIT DE PARIS"

OR "PARIS NIGHTS."

THAT'S FAMOUS STUFF.

A LOT OF CELEBRITIES USE THAT--

RADIO ANNOUNCERS AND EVERYTHING.

"CAPTURE THE FRAGRANCE OF RIVIERA ROSE PETALS

"AND THE PASSION OF THE MEDITERRANEAN MOON

IN A RUGGED HE-MAN SCENT."

MMM...

"CAUTION: USER SHOULD WEAR GLOVES."

COME ON. YOU'RE FUNNY, AREN'T YOU?

BOY, YOU'RE REALLY FUNNY!

GIVE YOU 100 ON THE LAUGH METER.

LORD.

HEY, JESS?

YEAH.

BETTER GET UP.

YOUR WIFE COMING TO PICK YOU UP ABOUT 10:00.

OH. GOOD.

ONLY SHE SAYS THERE'S ENOUGH WORK PILED UP ON THE FARM

OUT THERE TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ANY MOONSHINING TROUBLE

FOR A GOOD LONG TIME.

LITTLE MOONSHINING NEVER HURT NO ONE.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST A SIDELINE WITH ME, ANDY.

DON'T YOU WANT TO HELP THE LITTLE BUSINESSMAN?

YEAH, I WANT TO HELP THE LITTLE BUSINESSMAN

STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.

HEY, BARN, HOW ABOUT YOU DOING THE MORNING REPORTS?

I GOT A MEETING WITH THE MAYOR.

OH, HE WON'T BE IN THIS EARLY.

HE'LL BE THERE.

BEING HE'S JUST BEEN ELECTED,

HE'LL BE EARLY FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS ANYHOW.

HI, BARN.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT MY FISH, BARNEY?

I SURE DID.

ISN'T THAT A WHOPPER?!

GEE.

YOU BEEN PAINTING SOMETHING, BARNEY?

YOU TOLD HIM TO SAY THAT, DIDN'T YOU?

HOW COULD I TELL HIM TO SAY THAT?

OPE, WHAT YOU SMELLED WAS BARNEY'S AFTERSHAVE LOTION.

OH.

I'M SORRY, BARNEY.

IT DOESN'T REALLY SMELL SO BAD.

NO WORSE THAN MY FISH.

YOU'RE IN CAHOOTS -- THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.

YOU'RE RIGHT IN CAHOOTS!

THE TWO OF YOU ARE VERY FUNNY.

A REAL RIOT.

YOU OUGHT TO GO ON THE STAGE--

REGULAR BURT AND SQUIRT.

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

Who is this?

THIS IS DEPUTY FIFE. WHO'S THIS?

This is Mayor Stoner.

Where is the Sheriff?

UH... UH, HE'S ON HIS WAY UP TO YOUR OFFICE, MR. MAYOR.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE AIN'T THERE BY NOW.

HE LEFT SOMETIME AGO.

He's late.

WELL, UH...

ANDY, YOU'D BETTER GET ON UP THERE.

HE SOUNDS KIND OF MAD.

OH, LET HIM BE MAD.

GOOD FOR A FELLA TO GET A LITTLE MAD

REAL EARLY IN THE MORNING.

GETS THE CIRCULATION STARTED.

YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU GOT MAD AT OPIE

WHEN HE SAID YOUR PERFUME DIDN'T STINK AS BAD AS HIS FISH.

MORNING, MAYOR.

OH, I'M, I'M SORRY I'M LATE.

I TOOK OPIE FISHING AND GOT LATE ON US.

WELL, WE WON'T MAKE A HABIT OF IT, WILL WE?

UH...

I THOUGHT THERE WAS A MEETING.

THERE WAS-- AN HOUR AND SIX MINUTES AGO.

OH, I AM LATE.

YES.

WELL, I'VE DISPOSED OF MY BUSINESS

WITH ALL THE OTHER DEPARTMENTS

AND MADE MY RECOMMENDATIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT.

NOW LET'S GET TO YOU.

ME?

YES. I THINK THERE'S ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT

IN YOUR DEPARTMENT.

OH, YEAH, THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.

WHAT'D YOU HAVE IN MIND?

WELL, THERE ARE SEVERAL THINGS...

I'VE AN IMPRESSIVE LITTLE LIST HERE.

ABOUT YOUR GUN...

WHAT ABOUT MY GUN?

YOU DON'T CARRY ONE.

BARNEY CARRIES ONE.

BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY BULLETS IN HIS GUN.

HE'S GOT ONE IN HIS POCKET.

WHAT IF A SITUATION AROSE WHERE YOU HAD TO MAKE AN ARREST?

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?

WELL, MAYOR, IF THERE'S SOMEBODY I HAVE TO SHOOT AT

I'LL GET A GUN AND SHOOT AT HIM.

GIVE BARNEY SOME BULLETS, AND HE'LL SHOOT AT HIM, TOO.

"HE'LL SHOOT AT HIM, TOO."

THAT'S NOT WHAT I CALL "LAW ENFORCEMENT."

MAYOR, YOU KNOW, OVER THERE IN THE OLD COUNTRY--

OVER THERE IN LONDON, ENGLAND--

THEM FELLAS OVER THERE, THEM POLICEMEN

THEY DON'T CARRY A GUN AT ALL.

THEY JUST CARRY A STICK.

YOU WANT ME AND BARNEY TO GET A COUPLE STICKS?

SHERIFF, I AM GOING TO SEND IN A REPORT ON EVERY DEPARTMENT

IN THE ENTIRE TOWNSHIP OF MAYBERRY

TO THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE.

NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO INCLUDE YOUR DEPARTMENT FAVORABLY

IN THAT REPORT.

I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU CAN.

MORNING, EVERYONE.

OH, MRS. AMBROSE.

I GOT TO GO TO THE STORE. UH, WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT?

SURE. ANY TIME AT ALL -- YOU KNOW THAT.

THANK YOU, BARNEY.

UH-HUH.

OH, IS THERE ANY SPECIAL FORMULA THIS TIME?

NO, NO, NO.

I GAVE HIM HIS BOTTLE BEFORE COMING TO TOWN.

GOOD, GOOD.

OH, UH, BARNEY,

IF JEREMY STARTS CRYING BEFORE I GET BACK,

WILL YOU GIVE HIM HIS RATTLE?

IT'S ON THE COT BESIDE HIM.

MM-HMM, YES, MA'AM.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?

IT'S BARNEY'S PERFUME.

OH.

YOUR DADDY EVER SAY ANYTHING TO YOU

ABOUT BEING SEEN AND NOT HEARD?

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

OH, HI.

DID YOU GET RID OF YOUR CUSTOMER?

I'M GLAD YOU CALLED BACK, 'CAUSE I WANT TO --

UH, JUST A MINUTE, WILL YOU?

SAY, OPE...

WHY DON'T YOU RUN OVER TO FRAZIER'S

AND GET YOURSELF A LICORICE WHIP, HUH?

OH, SURE, BARNEY.

MM-HMM. GOOD BOY.

JUST PUT THAT IN THERE.

IT'S ME AGAIN.

LISTEN, ABOUT TONIGHT, UH, I THOUGHT

MAYBE WE COULD DRIVE UP TO WILLOW LANE AND PARK,

SEE HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVE.

YEAH.

WE'LL HAVE TO GET THERE EARLY

TO GET A PLACE NEAR THE DUCK POND.

HUH

ALL RIGHT.

YOU CALL ME BACK.

OLD BARNEY BOY WILL BE RIGHT HERE.

MORNING, MR. MAYOR.

MORNING, FIFE.

BARN, UH, THE MAYOR WANTS TO HAVE A LITTLE LOOK AROUND

TO SEND A REPORT TO THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE.

TO, UH, TO THE GOVERNOR, UH-HUH.

YEAH, AND HE WANTS US IN IT.

OH.

UH, FIFE, YOUR FILES, PLEASE.

Y-Y-YES, SIR, MR. GOVERNOR...

MR. MAYOR.

UH, FIFE...

HMM?

OH, THAT'S MY, MY SHOE.

: I WAS, I WA-UH-UH... SHINING IT.

HERE YOU ARE, MR. MAYOR, FILES.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

UH...

I'VE BEEN PAINTING.

EXCUSE ME.

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

YES, THIS IS BARNEY BOY.

UH, THIS, THIS IS DEPUTY FIFE SPEAKING.

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL TELEPHONE

TO BE USED ONLY FOR OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

I WILL SEE YOU AT 8:00 TONIGHT.

CRANK. JUST ANOTHER CRANK.

WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS AN UNLISTED NUMBER.

WON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT, MR. MAYOR?

SIT DOWN.

THANK YOU.

MAKE YOURSELF REAL COMFORTABLE.

SIT DOWN.

THAT'S IT.

COMFORTABLE IN THE GOVERNOR'S CHAIR.

IN-IN THE MAYOR'S... CHAIR... CHAIR.

THERE'S A PENCIL IN THE TOP DRAWER.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S MY LUNCH.

USUALLY I HAVE TUNA FISH

BUT TODAY I THOUGHT I'D HAVE TROUT.

NICE AND FRESH.

MAYOR, I-I BELIEVE I CAN EXPLAIN THAT.

WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT'S WHAT? I DIDN'T HEAR ANY BABY CRY.

DID YOU, ANDY?

IT'S COMING FROM THAT CELL.

WHY, IT IS A BABY.

AWW...!

OH, THIS IS, THIS IS JEREMY

MS. AMBROSE'S BABY.

SHE BRINGS HIM IN HERE ONCE IN A WHILE

WHEN SHE COMES UPTOWN TO GO TO THE STORE.

AND YOU PERMIT THIS?

YOU-YOU LET THIS BABY-SITTING

ON TAXPAYERS' TIME?!

BARNEY.

* DI, DI, DI, DI...

I BELIEVE HE KNOWS YOU.

HE'S CUTE, AIN'T HE?

SHERIFF... NONE OF THIS IS GOING TO LOOK TOO GOOD

ON MY REPORT TO THE GOVERNOR.

OH, MORNING, SHERIFF.

EXCUSE ME.

MS. MORGAN.

OH, COME ON IN, MS. MORGAN.

JESS, YOUR WIFE'S HERE.

YEAH.

RELEASING A PRISONER?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT RELEASE FORM DO YOU USE?

I DON'T USE A RELEASE FORM.

I JUST TURN HIM LOOSE.

REMEMBER NOW, JESS, THAT'S FOR THREE DAYS.

YOU BE BACK HERE WEDNESDAY AT 5:00.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE BACK.

HE'LL BE BACK?

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

HASN'T HE SERVED HIS SENTENCE?

NO, NOT QUITE, BUT JESS'S GOT TO HARVEST HIS CROPS

AND GET THEM IN HIS BARN, OR THEY'LL SPOIL

SO I'M GIVING HIM THREE DAYS OFF.

DO YOU MEAN TO STAND THERE AND TELL ME

THAT YOU ARE RELEASING A PRISONER

BEFORE HE HAS SERVED HIS FULL SENTENCE?!

NO. I'M JUST KIND OF SPLITTING THE SENTENCE UP.

'CAUSE, LIKE I SAY, JESS'S GOT TO GET HIS CROPS IN HIS BARN.

WELL, HE SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.

AFTER ALL, SHERIFF, WE ARE NOT RUNNING A HOTEL HERE.

IF I WAS TO INCLUDE IN MY REPORT TO THE GOVERNOR

THE FACT THAT YOU ARE RELEASING PRISONERS

BEFORE THEY HAVE SERVED THEIR FULL TIME

THIS COULD RESULT IN SEVERE, SEVERE DISCIPLINARY MEASURES

BEING TAKEN AGAINST YOU.

I WANT THE PRISONER TO SERVE HIS FULL TIME.

IS THAT CLEAR?

IS THAT CLEAR?

YES, MAYOR, VERY CLEAR.

NOW, REMEMBER, JESS, YOU BE BACK IN THREE DAYS.

THANK YOU, SHERIFF.

ANDY, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET IN ANY TROUBLE?

LET ME WORRY ABOUT THAT.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH

WITH A MAYOR LIKE THAT

I-I GOT HALF A MIND NOT TO COME BACK AT ALL.

YOU'RE JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE FOR BOTH OF US.

NOW, THAT MAYOR MEANS BUSINESS.

BARNEY, JESS WILL BE BACK IN THREE DAYS

AND THAT'LL BE THE END OF IT.

WHAT IF HE DON'T COME BACK?

HE SAID HE HAD HALF A MIND NOT TO COME BACK.

WHAT ABOUT THAT, HUH

HEY, BARN!

OKAY.

WHAT YOU KEEPING THE DOOR LOCKED FOR?

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A PRISONER.

THAT'S JUST WHY I'M KEEPING IT LOCKED.

THE WAY THAT MAYOR RUNS ALL OVER TOWN,

HE'S LIABLE TO COME IN HERE ANY SECOND.

WELL, LET HIM COME IN.

WOULDN'T THAT BE JUST LOVELY

WITH THAT CELL EMPTY AND JESS MORGAN GONE?

NOW WE GOT AWAY WITH IT

FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS.

WE MAY NOT BE SO LUCKY TODAY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

LET'S GO OUT AND PICK UP JESS MORGAN

AND BRING HIM IN HERE RIGHT NOW.

I TOLD HIM HE HAD TILL 5:00.

ANDY, WE'VE ALREADY GIVEN HIM TWO WHOLE DAYS.

A COUPLE MORE HOURS AIN'T GOING TO MEAN THAT MUCH TO HIM.

IT MIGHT PREVENT A REAL DISASTER FOR US. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I CAN'T DO THAT, BARN.

JESS SAID HE'D BE BACK AT 5:00.

IF WE GO RUNNIN' OUT THERE AHEAD OF TIME

IT'LL SHOW THAT WE DON'T THINK JESS'S WORD MEANS A THING.

AND LIKE JESS MORGAN

HE AIN'T GOT TOO MUCH MORE THAN HIS WORD.

YOU TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HIM

HE'S REALLY GOT NOTHING. YEAH.

WELL, I'M GOING HOME AND EAT LUNCH.

HEY, LISTEN!

IN CASE THE MAYOR WAS TO COME BY

IF I WAS YOU, I'D GET ALL THE FISH OUT OF THE DRAWERS.

OH, YEAH.

THERE'S NO FISH IN THERE!

AFTERNOON, DEPUTY.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

I'LL JUST READ IT LATER.

I WAS JUST ON MY WAY OVER TO SEE YOU.

I WANT TO FINISH STUDYING THAT FOLDER I WAS LOOKING AT.

YOU WANT...

Y-Y-YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU'RE A VERY BUSY MAN.

I'LL HAVE IT DELIVERED.

NONSENSE. COME ON.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

I LEFT MY BRIEFCASE IN THE BARBER SHOP.

I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

DEPUTY?

DEPUTY?

DEPUTY?

UH, YOU THERE.

MORGAN?

IS THE DEPUTY HERE?

PRISONER UNGUARDED.

HOWDY, MAYOR.

LOOKING FOR ME?

WELL, I'M CERTAINLY LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I MEAN.

I WAS BY YOUR JAIL JUST NOW

AND THERE WAS NOBODY THERE.

NOBODY.

OH, WELL, I BELIEVE I CAN EXPLAIN THAT.

I GIVE THE MATTER A WHOLE LOT OF CONSIDERATION

AND IT SEEMED TO ME THE BEST INTERESTS COULD BE SERVED

BY LETTING JESS GO ON HOME FOR THREE DAYS.

BUT DON'T YOU WORRY.

HE'LL BE BACK BY 5:00 THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU LET HIM...

BUT I SAW HIM IN...

SHERIFF, I WANT TO SEE YOU IN YOUR OFFICE. NOW!

UH, MORGAN?

HMM?

THE DEPUTY ISN'T HERE, IS HE?

HMM-MM.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN RECONSIDERING.

MAYBE THE SHERIFF HAS A POINT.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET OUT?

HMM-MM.

WHY NOT?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO ANXIOUS TO BRING IN YOUR CROP.

MM-HMM.

WELL, WHAT'S ALL THE RUSH, MAYOR?

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PRISONER

WHAT WITH NOBODY HERE.

PRISONER?

JESS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK SO SOON?

Mayor: I OFFERED TO RELEASE HIM.

MIGHTY STRANGE HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO.

ALL RIGHT, FIFE!

GET UP FROM THERE!

GET UP FROM THERE AT ONCE!

BARNEY, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

SHERIFF, WHERE IS YOUR PRISONER?

MAYOR, HE'S WORKING HIS FARM LIKE I SAID.

AND HE'LL BE BACK.

OH, HE'LL BE BACK.

YES, HE TOLD ME HE WOULD.

HE TOLD YOU.

YES, AND I BELIEVE HIM.

HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE.

SHERIFF, YOU'D BETTER GO OUT THERE AND FIND HIM

AND BRING HIM BACK.

IF HE'S STILL IN THE COUNTY.

HE IS AND HE'LL BE HERE.

SHERIFF, YOU'D BETTER SEE TO IT.

BECAUSE AFTER THE GOVERNOR HEARS ABOUT THIS

SOMEBODY ELSE MIGHT JUST BE WEARING THAT BADGE.

CAN YOU SEE THAT CLOCK ALL RIGHT?

FROM WHERE I STAND

IT SAYS 25 MINUTES AFTER 5:00.

AND IT SAYS A LOT MORE THAN THAT.

HE COULD BE JUST A LITTLE LATE.

I HAVE GIVEN YOU AN EXTRA 25 MINUTES

AND I HAVE GIVEN HIM AN EXTRA 25 MINUTES

AND I DON'T THINK HE'S COMING BACK

AND I DON'T THINK HE EVER WAS COMING BACK

AND NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

MAYOR, SOMETHING MUST HAVE HAPPENED

OR JESS WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE.

IF YOU WANT TO, WE CAN GO OUT TO HIS HOUSE

AND SEE WHAT'S WRONG.

YES. LET'S JUST DO THAT.

JESS'S HOUSE IS RIGHT THROUGH THE WOODS UP THERE.

WE'LL TAKE A SHORTCUT.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

HEY, WAIT!

WHAT?

LOOK.

UP IN THAT TREE.

Andy: WELL, THAT'S JESS.

JESS, WHAT YOU DOING UP IN THAT TREE?

HE'S HIDING OUT IS WHAT.

HE HEARD US COMING

AND HE CLIMBED UP IN THAT TREE TO HIDE.

JESS, YOU COME DOWN FROM THERE.

NOPE!

MORGAN, YOU COME DOWN FROM THERE.

NOT JUST YET, MAYOR.

I AIN'T ABOUT TO.

YOU COME DOWN FROM THAT TREE

OR WE'RE COMING UP AND GET YOU.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WAS YOU, MAYOR.

RECKON WHY HE WON'T COME DOWN.

WELL, WHILE YOU'RE RECKONING

I'M GOING UP AND GET HIM.

HELP!

HELP!

THERE'S A BEAR IN THERE!

RUN, BARN!

I TRIED TO TELL YOU, MAYOR, BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN.

YOU SEE, MAYOR.

IF YOU'D LET ME RUN MY OWN OFFICE

JESS WOULDN'T BE UP IN THAT TREE

AND YOU WOULDN'T BE UP THERE BESIDE HIM

WITH YOUR CLOTHES ALL TORE UP

AND WE WOULDN'T BE DOWN HERE

WITH A BEAR IN OUR BACK SEAT.

YOU BEAT EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW THAT?

BARNEY, WHAT ARE YOU FUSSING WITH YOURSELF FOR?

OH, I GOT A DATE.

OH. DOWN BY THE DUCK POND?

YEAH.

OH, HI, ANDY.

HI, BARNEY.

YOU LEAVING?

WELL, YEAH, IN A LITTLE WHILE. WHY?

OH, NOTHING.

MAYOR COME UP WITH SOMETHING HE WANTS DONE, BUT IT CAN WAIT.

WELL, NO, NO, LET'S -- LET'S DO IT. LET'S DO IT.

NO, NO, IT CAN WAIT.

NO, NO, LET'S NOT GET HIM RILED UP.

IF IT NEEDS DONE, LET'S DO IT.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, YOU KNOW, WILLOW LANE, DOWN BY THE DUCK POND?

YEAH.

WELL, HE'S GOT THE IDEA IT'S GOT TO BE A REGULAR LOVERS' LANE,

AND HE WANTS THESE -- THESE SIGNS PUT UP.