Original subtitles

♪ Ooh‐ooh‐ooh

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Travel down the road And back again ♪

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal And a confidante ♪

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see

♪ The biggest gift Would be from me ♪

♪ And the card attached Would say ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

(grunts)

Oh, Sophia, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Gladys Goldfine called. She broke her hip.

So she wants you to take her tickets to The Price is Right.

Bad news?

What are you, nuts? This is wonderful news.

For who could this be bad news?

Gladys Goldfine.

I don't follow.

Sophia, the woman broke her hip.

Oh, boo‐hoo.

She took the risks, and now she's paying the price.

Risk? What was she doing when it happened?

Getting out of bed.

Everyone is a daredevil.

Sophia, not to burst your bubble,

but The Price is Right is in two days.

Now, if Bob Barker should choose you to be contestant,

how are you gonna pay for a plane ticket to LA?

Don't you worry about me.

I have a plan...

And a hostage.

Oh, stop it.

Look, Sophia, in the first place,

you're lousy at The Price is Right.

I am not!

In the second place, do you know

how much a round‐trip ticket to LA costs with

two days' notice?

Forty dollars, Bob.

Sophia, you're not going.

‐I'm going. ‐In that case, good luck.

Yeah, break a leg.

Break a leg? $300.

Hey, Roland. Oh, your mom's looking for you, man.

Oh, yeah. We're suppose to spend the day together.

You know, I've been kind of worried about her ever since that divorce.

You know, she's been really lonely,

but at least I can be there for her, support her,

you know, comfort her, stay by her side.

Oh, by the way, Camille Jenkins called.

Said she's free tonight.

But now the time has come

for Mom to stand on her own two feet.

(clears throat)

Wow, I can't believe this.

I've been trying to get a date with this girl for months.

I've been sending her box of candy every week just to get her to say yes.

‐So, what does she look like? ‐Oh, well,

when I met her, she was fine. (chuckles)

But if she's been eating all that candy...

Oh, no. What have I done, man?

Well, hello there. Checking in?

I sure am.

Oh, Mr. Sardisco, this is Blanche Devereaux,

She's one of the owners of the hotel.

Oh, you've got a lovely place here.

Well, thank you.

Rose, I can take over now.

‐But‐‐ ‐Beat it, Rose.

Well, Mr. Sardisco,

I see you're in room 214. You traveling alone?

Oh, I've got my Darling Flo out in the van.

Oh. Married. Take it, Rose.

No.

No, I'm not married.

Darling Flo is my greyhound.

(chuckles) Why didn't you say so? Beat it, rose.

So what brings you to town?

I'm racing my greyhound at the dog track this Wednesday.

Wow! You must be fast.

Would you mind If I went out to the van to say hello to her?

I adore dogs.

They're so affectionate and lovable.

(chuckles) And smart, too.

They play poker. I've seen the pictures.

Well, I haven't been to the greyhound races in a while,

but, um, if your dog's half as good‐looking as you are,

maybe I'll just take myself to that track and place a wager.

Hey, uh, what do you think the odds are gonna be on this dog?

Well, she had a little trouble the last couple times out,

but she's been training well.

So, I guess about six‐to‐one.

Sounds like a plane ticket to me.

Sophia Petrillo, come on down!

Just 'cause I think she's a winner,

you got to remember there's no such thing as a sure thing.

(laughs)

You want to bet?

‐Has anybody seen Roland? ‐Oh, hey, Mom.

Honey, what do you say we take a drive to the Marina today,

and then I was thinking we'd try that new Italian place for dinner tonight.

Oh, oh, Mom. Listen, about tonight. I not gonna be able to make it.

The hotel is just way too busy.

(yawns)

I understand, baby. You got work to do.

I'll just stay in my room and catch up on my reading.

Don't work too hard tonight.

‐I'll try not to. ‐Uh, Roland...

‐Yeah. ‐Have fun with Camille.

(chuckles) You knew?

Honey, I arranged it.

And it wasn't easy.

I had to send her candy every day of the week,

but don't worry, I told her it was from you.

That's not what I'm worried about, Ma.

Hi, Sophia.

Now look what you did. You made me lose track.

I'll either be up all night, or I'll see you Thursday.

I've been out keeping Darling Flo company.

Will you stop bothering that dog?

She has to psych herself up for the race tomorrow.

I'm counting on how to win me enough money

so I can get a handful of Bob Barker.

Oh, Roland, are you back from your date already?

Yeah. What are you guys still doing up?

It's 8:30.

Did you and Camille hit it off?

I repeat, it's 8:30.

It's early. Big deal.

Doesn't mean we didn't have a good time.

Look, I'm gonna go on upstairs.

Rose, thanks a lot for keeping an eye on my mom for me tonight.

Oh, don't thank me.

No, I really appreciate it.

No, I mean, I didn't have to keep an eye on her.

She went out to lunch with Chuy and we haven't seen her since.

Wait a minute.

Chuy and my mom spent the whole day together?

‐But it's late. ‐Still 8:30.

Thank you, Sophia.

No, you didn't!

(laughs) Well, look who's back.

Mom and Chuy.

Chuy and Mom.

That's so weird. It is like two words that don't even belong together.

So where you two been?

Listen to me. Like it's any of my business. (chuckles)

So where you two been?

Well, Chuy was kind enough to take me down to the mall this afternoon

and then we had lunch and then we talked.

Then we took a drive and talked some more.

Yeah. I guess we just lost track of time.

Besides, it's not that late.

What are you doing home from your date with Camille?

It's not that early, either. I mean, it's already, uh‐‐

Sophia: 8:30!

What are you doing here, honey?

Didn't you have a good time with Camille?

Oh, yeah. She was great, but by the end of the date,

she had this real nasty thing on her arm.

‐What? ‐Another guy.

But, hey, the good news is I'm free tomorrow,

so I can spend the day with you.

Oh, Chuy and I are going to brunch tomorrow.

We found this adorable place on the beach that makes blueberry pancakes.

Well, why don't you stay here and have pancakes?

Are you kidding? I hate the pancakes here.

‐Why? ‐'Cause I have to make them.

(laughs)

Well, okay, you two go ahead and have a good time.

I'll just stay here and have some pop tarts.

Pop tarts. $1.49, Bob.

Oh, Roland, I was looking for your mother.

I wanted to invite her to the dog track with us today.

Mom's not here right here.

She and Chuy went to brunch.

Oh, well, that's nice.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's not like they're dating.

They just went out to brunch together, that's all.

I mean, can't two people go eat a lousy pancakes

without you thinking they're dating?

Because they're not dating! They're not!

Why didn't you tell me Chuy and Roland's mother were dating?

(both laughs)

Oh, here's my baby.

Oh, and here's my baby.

(chuckles)

Charlie, thank you for a wonderful evening.

No, no. I want to thank you.

You know, you go around from town to town with a dog,

you...you forget how to talk to people.

And I just wanted to say, you know...

you're a good girl. You're a good girl.

(chuckles)

I kind of like dog people.

How old did you say I was again?

‐Seven. ‐Yes!

(laughs)

Well, today's the big day.

Now, honey, you just remember,

it doesn't matter whether you win or lose,

we'll all love you just the same. Right, everybody?

Look, Rover, you lose this race,

you won't be the only one around here eating Alpo.

Alpo, 79 cents a can, Bob.

We better be getting over to the track. Can I give you ladies a lift?

Oh, that would be wonderful.

Sophia and I will just get our purses.

I'll go to the van, get the muzzle.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

We just give her one beer at the track, and...

Oh. You're talking about your dog. Of course.

Now, I know you'll do your best,

but if by any chance you should lose,

remember there's always next time.

I'm afraid if she loses, there won't be a next time

‐for this little girl. ‐What do you mean?

Well, you only get so many chances when you're a racing dog.

If she loses today, I'll have to put her down.

I don't think insulting her is going to help. (chuckles)

You know, Mrs. Nylund, by putting a dog down,

I mean putting her to sleep.

What?

But she's still so young and healthy.

Well, that doesn't have anything to do with it.

If a greyhound loses three or four races,

we don't really have a choice.

'Cause you see, it's their winnings that pay for the kennel costs,

and the trainers, and everything.

Well, that still doesn't make it right.

And I want nothing to do with it.

‐No, I'm serious. ‐(chuckles)

I think I gained ten pounds this morning.

Get out of here. You got a great figure.

Aw, you're too sweet.

(both laughing)

I better go find Roland, let him know I'm back.

‐And thanks for brunch. ‐Hey.

‐My pleasure. ‐(laughs)

‐Bye. ‐All right. I'll see you later.

Hey, Rol. What's happening?

Wow. That's cool, man.

How do you get that big vein in your head

to bulge out like that?

Lips! You kissed my mom on the lips?

‐They call me Chuy the lipo‐‐ ‐Hey!

Hey, man, it was just an innocent little peck.

Chuy, my mom's going through a messy divorce right now. She's vulnerable.

The last thing she needs is you giving her a little innocent pecks.

I got news for you, pal.

Your mother could do a lot worse

than hanging out with one of the top chefs of Miami's.

Well, I wouldn't mind that, man. I just don't want her dating you.

Is this a racial thing?

No. It's a Chuy thing, man.

All right, that's it. I don't have to take this.

Look, just stay away from her, all right?

I got a better idea. Why don't I just stay away from you?

(scoffs)

But I'll tell you what? If your mom and I ever do get married,

you can kiss that father‐son picnic goodbye.

(indistinct commentating)

Boy, they rent these things for five bucks.

What a rip‐off. You can hardly see a‐‐

I'm just a walking joke to you, aren't I?

man on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please.

There's been a scratch in the next race.

Number 7, Darling Flo.

I repeat, Darling Flo has been scratched

‐from the next race. ‐What?

You'll never guess what happened.

Somebody stole my dog.

Okay.

Now, sit, Spot. Sit.

Now, from now on, you're a Dalmatian fire dog.

Would you like a dog yummy?

Here you go. Here you go.

How's that?

Rose.

What are you doing back so soon?

You are not gonna believe what happened at the track today.

Get out of here. (chuckles)

I didn't tell you what happened yet.

Oh. I know.

I was just... talking to the devil.

(stutters)

‐You were saying? ‐Oh.

Somebody stole Mr. Sardisco's dog

right before the race.

You're kidding me.

Hey, I love this stuff.

No, Sophia. I wouldn't‐‐

Boy, this brings back memories.

Of what?

This is the same trail mix they served us at Shady Pines.

Woof! That's good.

‐Is Chuy in here? ‐Haven't seen him.

Good.

Have you two had a little tiff?

(chuckles) I'm a grown man. We don't have tiffs all right.

We had a fight. An out‐and‐out fight.

Who threw the first punch?

Well, we had a tiff.

‐Rose, cheesecake. ‐Oh.

Get over here and tell us what happened now, honey. What is it?

Look, Chuy and my mother are... (exhales)

They're seeing each other.

Yeah. Well, that's great.

‐(exhales) ‐But wait a minute.

If Chuy should marry your mom,

‐that would make you‐‐ ‐A convicted killer.

Oh, Roland, I think I know why you're upset, honey.

See, no matter how old we are,

it's very difficult for us

to think of our parents as sexual beings.

You know, I think Blanche has a very‐‐

Oh, my god. No, not my parents!

Not my parents! No!

Easy, Rose. Easy, easy.

Not your parents.

I'm sure that after you,

they didn't want to take that chance again.

Well, you know, I'm just worried about my mom.

I mean, she's an old woman.

She's practically 50.

I've just said something really awful, haven't I?

Look, Roland, your mother's life didn't end

just 'cause her marriage did.

You ought to be glad she's out there living

instead of just sitting and watching it pass by.

Yeah, but why Chuy?

So she's seeing Chuy.

If he makes her happy, that's all that counts.

I guess.

Look, I got to go take a walk. I got a lot to think about.

Look, Roland. I know what you're going through,

but just remember things could be worse.

I mean, your mother could start dating Chuy.

(laughs)

I drifted during the conversation, didn't I?

Come on, let me have a look.

Hold your horses.

I can't believe they put a picture of a naked man

on a cereal box.

You can see everything.

Come on, old woman, give me my turn.

‐Here you go. ‐Oh.

Well, that isn't a picture of a naked man.

It's that old stupid pelican from the Fruity Pop cereal.

Sure, with my good eye, but with this eye...

Wowee‐wow‐wow‐wow.

Blanche.

Hey, did you find out who stole your dog?

Yeah, I sure did. She's sitting right here.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, cut the dumb act.

Believe me, it's no act.

Don't deny it. You knew what would happen

to that dog if it lost.

And one of the trainer said they saw a blonde

sneaking around the training room.

Believe me, she's no blonde.

Charlie, now look here. If Rose says she didn't take your dog,

then she didn't take your dog

and I'd bet my reputation on it.

(dog barking)

Oh, well. No big loss.

Oh, look. It's Spot, the dieting fire dog.

Charlie, I'm sorry about this.

I had no idea.

But you're not gonna press charges, are you?

No, no. I just want my dog back.

I know she thought she was doing what was best,

but she just doesn't understand our sport.

Oh, I understand your sport all too well.

I made some calls,

and frankly, I think your sport stinks.

‐Rose! ‐They kill these greyhounds, Blanche.

According to the Humane Society, they kill 50,000 of them a year.

‐What? ‐If this dog loses two or three races,

they consider it useless, and they kill it.

Now wait a minute. Look, my friends and I we take care of our dogs.

They eat good. They get plenty of exercise. They lead a good life.

Compared to what?

And for how long?

I just don't understand how people can keep letting this go on.

Something outlives its usefulness,

and you destroy it?

Well, Sophia can't work as hard as she used to.

And it costs money to feed and clothe her.

Maybe it'll just be easier if we put her to sleep.

Tell him, Rose.

She is just trying to prove a point, isn't she?

I can see you're one of "those" people.

So there's no sense in trying to get through to you.

If, by one of "those" people,

you mean somebody who thinks

killing 50,000 dogs a year is horrible,

yes, then I guess I am.

Look, uh, I've got Darling Flo entered

in the second race tomorrow.

‐Blanche, you want me‐‐ ‐Oh, no, thank you.

I'm one of "those" people, too.

Mrs. Petrillo, what about you? I think she's got a chance.

Never. I don't want to be on The Price is Right that badly.

Suit yourself.

No. Wait. Flo. Blanche?

I know, I know, but, honey, it's his dog.

Oh, hey, I'm glad you guys are back.

Hey, Chuy, you still mad at me, man?

Louise: He's not the only one.

He told me what you said earlier.

Roland, what's your problem?

I'm sorry, Mom, okay?

I was just being overprotective.

Look, Chuy, it's not you, man. It's any guy.

But if you guys want to spend time together,

then you know what, that's your business.

You mean that?

Look, you guys spent the whole day together.

I'm not freaking out now, am I?

So, where'd you guys go anyway, the beach?

‐Can I tell him? ‐Yeah. Sure.

We went to the Mecca Hotel‐‐

What? I'll kill you!

Taking my mom to some sleazy hotel!

Roland, he took me to a divorce support group.

Divorce support group! Let him go!

Divorce support group! Divorce support group!

I'm sorry.

See, that's how you get that big vein to bulge out

in your head like that.

Get out of here!

You're crazy, man.

Look, I'm sorry. I just heard the word hotel,

and I thought that you two...you know.

You thought I'd be attracted to Chuy?

(chuckles) Me and Chuy?

(laughs)

Chuy.

(laughing)

Me? Me and your mother?

(laughing)

What the hell am I laughing at?

Why didn't you tell me you were going to a divorce support group?

Because you'd tease me and give me a hard time about it.

Oh, I think that it's great that you and a bunch of crybabies

are getting together on a regular basis.

Roland, some of those groups do very good work.

You're right. I'm sorry, man. I was just joking.

Mom, I'm sorry, too,

but I just can't deal with you dating yet.

Come here, baby.

Listen to me.

I can't deal with me dating yet.

But, honey, when the time comes,

I can take care of myself, okay?

I'm a big girl.

All right.

I guess, I'll make a real effort to adjust to this.

Okay.

Hello there.

Hello.

I'd like a room, please.

You're not my daddy! I'll never call you Daddy!

I can't watch this. I just can't watch.

Oh, come on. So you didn't get to go,

what's the difference?

Bob on TV: Rod, tell us who our next contestant is

on The Price is Right.

Rod: All right, Bob. Sophia Petrillo.

Come on down!

(audience cheering)

That's the difference.

Rod: Sophia Petrillo.

Come on down!

I'm here, Bob. I'm here.

Bob: I guess she's not here.

This hasn't happened in 20 years.

‐Well, Rod. ‐Rod: Mildred Williamson...

Oh, forget it.

Well, honey, the prizes aren't any good anyway.

Bob: ...is a giant screen TV.

Oh, this is not my day.

I could've won a $3,215 TV set.

Bob: Actual retail price, $3,250.

Why tell her.

How did Darling Flo do?

Uh, ran a good race.

How did she do?

Came in fifth.

So where is she now?

Out in the van.

Mr. Sardisco, I'd like to take her.

What? You're going to have a dog running around the hotel?

Oh, I only wish I could, but there's no room here

for her to run or play.

So what are you gonna do with her?

Well, I called around

and there's this National Greyhound Adoption Program.

They help you find homes for retired greyhounds.

So, I'll just keep her till I find someone.

If it were only that easy.

Don't you see? There just aren't enough homes.

That's why we have to put so many of them to sleep.

Well, that's no solution.

If you can't find homes for them,

then maybe you shouldn't breed so many puppies in the first place.

And you should let other people know

what wonderful pets these dogs make

so we could find more homes.

Do you understand?

‐You take the dog. ‐Okay!

Oh, and one more thing.

See what you can do about those rental binoculars at the track.

Honestly. Five bucks,

and all they do is make everything look smaller.

I'm terribly sorry, ma'am. It won't happen again, all right?

I'll take care of it.

(exhales)

Rose, can I talk to you for a minute?

The neighbors just complained again.

Your little friend's at it again.

Oh, really? What's the matter?

Well, this time she stole the newspaper, she trampled the flowers,

she knocked that woman's husband down,

and then licked his face.

Okay, okay. It's my responsibility. I'll take care of it.

Sophia, you're grounded!