Original subtitles

♪ Ooh‐ooh‐ooh

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Travel down the road And back again ♪

♪ Your heart is true ♪

♪ You're a pal And a confidante ♪

♪ And if you threw A party ♪

♪ Invited everyone You knew ♪

♪ You would see

♪ The biggest gift Would be from me ♪

♪ And the card attached Would say ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

Careful. Careful, you gorilla.

Please! Please!

Be careful. What's the matter with you?

My beloved husband's ashes are in there.

No, wait. This one's got hard candy.

Goodbye, Blanche's bed.

Boy, if beds could talk.

That one would have laryngitis.

I can't believe it. I mean,

we've spent so many wonderful years in this house,

and now we're moving.

Hey! Hey, you kids, get away from that.

They want to see the bed.

Nights it has known.

The loves it has seen.

There have been so many.

Doctors, lawyers...

Indian chiefs.

What?

You know, doctor, lawyer, Indian chief,

rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief.

Actually, not an Indian chief,

but an Indian rights' activist.

And rich men, oh, yeah.

Poor men, unfortunately.

Beggars...

I had 'em all begging.

I can't.

I can't. I just can't do it.

Please, put that back.

‐Rose, Rose. ‐No, stop.

‐Rose, honey. ‐No, Blanche, no.

I mean, this house is my whole life.

Everything I have, everything.

To buy a hotel?

Come on. Come over here.

I can't. I have nothing else.

I mean, I could end up on the street.

‐Sit. ‐I can't breathe.

I can't get a breath.

Sophia, give me a paper bag, quick.

What? Am I the A&P? Do I have paper bags?

That one. Give me that one right there.

All right, now, Rose, I just want you to breathe deeply,

Exhale fully.

Exhale fully.

You're hyperventilating. That's all.

I learned this from a psychiatrist

who used to hyperventilate in bed.

That better?

I can breathe now.

Okay.

Can I have a milk dud?

There's some in that bag.

Rose, now you listen to me.

You're being hysterical and irrational.

You're not throwing away your life. You're just changing it.

See if there's a toffee in there?

You're gonna be moving into a lovely place that'll run itself.

No toffee. She must've inhaled it.

But it's a hotel.

We don't know how to run a hotel.

Well, of course we do, honey.

What do you think this place was?

A big old house, people coming and going.

In your room.

I just don't think I can leave.

Trust me, honey.

You're leaving.

Bye, house.

‐Goodbye. ‐Bye.

‐Oliver: Roland. ‐(bell dings)

‐Roland. ‐(bell dings)

‐Roland. ‐(bell dings)

‐Roland. ‐(bell dings continuously)

Oliver. Please, I'm trying to work.

Now, we got the new owners arriving any minute

and in that group of 20 travel agents.

I want things looking good around here even if they're not.

But Roland, you got to help me. What if they toss me?

Listen, buddy.

I'm your foster parent.

Nobody's going to toss you.

It's me we got to worry about.

They're not going to care that I'm good at my job.

I heard they own a chain of very successful hotels.

They're gonna want to bring in their own people.

You think I'm looking forward to this?

Now get out of here, man. I got to work.

I just want you to know,

if I'm on the street, it's on your head.

What is that, the curse of the lost boys? Get out of here.

(bell dings)

We're here!

Well, I'm terribly sorry, ladies, I can only offer you one night.

I've got a convention coming in tomorrow.

Do you have any idea who we are?

The Pointer Sisters.

(chuckles) I don't care. I've only got one night.

We are the new owners.

‐Of what? ‐This place.

And welcome! (chuckles)

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

You know, I was just saying

to someone how much I was looking forward to meeting you.

And look at you.

I mean, they told me the new owners were gorgeous,

but I had no...

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see the manager.

Well, you're looking at him.

Well, then let me see the director.

How do you do?

Then let me see whoever the guy is

that runs the place.

Why do I get the feeling

that you've never been in the hotel business before?

Ma'am, have you spent much time in hotels?

Ho!

Look, you got any experience?

Ho‐ho!

Well, how hard can it be? We've run a house.

For 42 people who want their sheets changed every day.

Look, we've got 20 travel agents coming in here tomorrow.

They can make or break this place.

But, hey, what am I worried about?

I mean, you've had a truly unique experience.

You've run a house.

(telephone rings)

Reception.

Ah, Mr. Sinclair.

You still haven't got those towels yet?

Well, I'm surprised. I sent somebody up ten minutes ago.

Yes. A rather charming young black man.

Why‐‐ Why don't you give him another 30 seconds?

All right. All right.

Excuse me.

Um...

All right, let's start.

Now, Sophia, you go talk to the kitchen staff.

I want a pair of checked pants and a chef's hat.

Rose, you go talk to the housekeeping staff.

Okey‐dokey.

Oh, and, Rose. No St. Olaf stories.

You're right. Let's make them wait.

Hi. I'm Oliver.

Well, hello, Oliver.

I'm Blanche Devereaux, the new owner.

What are you doing with our towels?

I'm delivering them to the rooms.

You're delivering them?

What do you mean? Do you work here or stay here?

Both.

Where's your mama?

Actually, she split.

Well, then where's your daddy?

Prison. Manslaughter.

Manslaughter?

And my mom, she was a drunk.

She'd wake up every morning with a hangover.

And another uncle of mine.

I'm throwing myself at your mercy, Ma'am.

Please let me stay.

Honey, I'm sorry, but that's out of the question.

My life's in your hands.

I go to school. I do good work.

No, I'm sorry, but no.

(sighs) I guess I was wrong.

I was hoping a woman as young as you

could relate to my problem.

Well...

(telephone rings)

‐Allow me, ma'am. ‐Oh.

Reception.

Yes, she is.

Okay.

There is no housekeeping staff, Blanche.

A lady named Sophia wants you immediately

in the kitchen.

Oh. Thank you.

Come on, Rose.

Come on.

I love restaurant kitchens, don't you?

Everything's so big.

Big in a kitchen does not excite me, Rose.

All right, that's it. Out. Everybody out of my kitchen.

Wait just a minute. What's your name?

Chuy Castillos.

Oh, well. Chuy, this isn't your kitchen.

We own this hotel.

Yes.

Oh, right.

The old lady told me that one.

Ha‐ha‐ha.

Look, I'm the chef here, and everything you've heard

about angry Mexican chefs is true.

So, run, run from me as fast as your legs will take you.

How do like this so far?

You heard me. I said get out of my kitchen.

Hey, hold it, hold it, hold it.

I run the kitchen. I'm the boss.

You're the boss? (chuckles)

I've broken piñatas bigger than you.

Listen, I'm the boss here.

Ask Roland, the manager.

He made promises to me,

and when one man makes another man promises,

well, it can go one of two ways, but...

But the thing is, I've been here over a month,

and I've been building up the business.

I make some of the finest Mexican dishes around.

Forget it. From now on, we cook Italian.

The only way you're making a pizza in here

is if you put beans and jalapeños on top

and call it nachos.

I'm in charge here,

and I say we cook Italian.

And I say...

I quit.

Ha!

Sophia: Uh...

Wait, wait.

I don't have to cook Italian.

(door slams)

What do you mean you can't get me out of it?

You're my lawyer. You got me into it.

The 27th?

That's in a week.

Oh, how could you have made a mistake like this, Mr. Boudro?

What do you mean Haitian law is different?

I just can't believe this.

The profits weren't real.

No. The owners fired everybody.

They just kept me, Chuy, and a part‐time maid.

So on paper, it looked like they were making a profit.

‐Oh! ‐They spruced the place up, they made it look really good

that way they could sell it.

And now if these travel agents are anything less than happy,

they're going to check out early.

We're not going to make our bank note,

and we're going to lose this place.

And I'm back at Disney world

strapping on the sneezy head.

God, now I have to break the news to the girls.

They told us you were very successful,

they said you were part of a chain.

Honey, the only kind of chain I was ever part of,

I ain't going to tell you about.

This should be a piece of cannoli.

I used to cater funerals in Sicily.

Of course, it wasn't that difficult.

A couple of days before,

you get tipped off, you start cooking.

Girls.

Oh, I'll just come back later.

No, come on in, Blanche.

We're making sauce.

Well, we have a little problem here.

See, except for Roland and that little boy

and, um, one part‐time maid,

we're the only ones here.

So, we'll hire.

Well, we can't. We don't have the money.

What do you mean?

She means we're up the creek.

Mahula.

Bust.

We have a dog here.

Where?

Here. The hotel.

There's no money.

We have nothing?

Um, if we don't make the payment in a week,

we're going to lose this place.

Oh, my God.

Oh, this is it.

This is my worst nightmare.

Oh, I wish Dorothy were here.

Honey, I'm afraid even she couldn't help us out of this.

No, but she could beat the crap out of you!

You said, "Let's buy a hotel, girls.

"Run a little inn.

"Guests will come from miles around.

"We'll never be lonely.

"We'll be rich, we'll be happy,

We'll be featured in Travel and Leisure."

Now listen here!

We did this together.

How could you do this to us?

I didn't do it. We all did it.

Now look, I know you're a little angry,

but we have no choice, we have to make this work.

It's the only chance we have.

Don't you understand?

See, if we can just somehow get through this week,

we can pay that note

and we can get those travel agents to give us recommendations.

But we have no employees.

Then we'll just have to do all the work, won't we?

We're too old.

We're too old to work that hard.

Oh, I hate you for this, Blanche.

I just hate you.

Me too, Rose, but we're too old to lose everything,

so let's get to work.

There, that's the spirit.

Oh, you'll see.

We'll all band together.

We'll be just like the three musketeers.

By the end of this week,

you're going to say, "Thank God for Blanche Devereaux.

"This was her wonderful idea.

Blanche Devereaux delivered us into this land of glory."

Maybe we don't need Dorothy.

Maybe the two of us

can beat the crap out of her.

Listen, man, I've been carrying you for more than a month now.

I mean, what can I do?

Is something a problem here?

Hello. I'm the new owner Blanche Devereaux.

And you must be...

Oh, my God, don't tell me.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I know, I know.

I've seen you a million times on television.

Um, oh, I'm just dying.

This is the pool man, Brad.

Brad?

Oh, my goodness. I love that name.

Brad!

Oh!

Well, Brad. Do you, uh,

do you service the pool yourself?

Oh, yes, Ma'am.

You mean, I'd be seeing you every week?

Yes, Ma'am.

Oh, I'm so glad.

Lying tramp.

Uh...now, where were we?

Well, there's just this small problem about‐‐

With the payment.

Oh, I know. I know.

Well, you see, the funds haven't been transferred

from the escrow account

into the non‐escrow account.

And, well, the account being Swiss...

Well, you're a pool man.

You probably know all about international banking.

Oh.

Well, just a little bit.

Slut.

Could you let us have just one more month?

I would personally see to it

that you're very well taken care of.

Well...

Guess another month wouldn't hurt. (chuckles)

Depends on how rough you are, Darling.

That travel agent said this tastes funny.

Same one who complained about the salad?

Right.

I've served 41 dinners tonight.

No one else has complained. Give me that.

He didn't like this lamb chop,

maybe he'll like this one.

I'm the chef.

I cannot tell you how embarrassed I am

that our new waitress served you that, that lamb chop.

I'm so very, very sorry.

Well, it was slightly dry.

And of course, the center should've been pink.

Dry? Pink?

Please, the cat spit it on the floor

and went to the Fontainebleau.

The other one wasn't so terrible.

It just didn't have the je ne sais quoi.

The quoi.

I know. Missing completely.

Now, this is good.

This is a lamb chop.

Okay, from now on when they seat you,

you tell them that Sophia the chef takes care of you.

man: Okay.

You are a lovely lady and a splendid chef.

And you are a yutz.

Rose: Good night. Sleep well.

Where's the safe?

Oh, my. Aren't you warm in that?

We wore those in Minnesota

only on the coldest days.

Where's the safe?

Oh, you want to put your gun in the safe.

Of course. It would never fit in those small room safes we have.

The safe!

Well, I don't know where the safe is.

I'll have to call our manager, Roland.

‐No! ‐Oh, that's okay, he won't mind.

Roland, I'm sorry to wake you.

But we have a guest here who wants to put something in the safe

and I don't know where the safe is. Silly me.

Uh‐huh.

Uh, oh, okay, thanks so much.

It'll just be a few minutes.

Could I ask you a question?

I mean, the mask is a tip‐off,

but are you a first‐time visitor to Miami?

What about the safe?

Oh, Roland's on his way down.

‐(sighs) ‐Where are you going?

The Carlton.

Hello. There's a male Caucasian, six feet tall,

about a 175 pounds,

probably mid‐30s.

He's wearing a ski mask, brown eyes,

prominent Adam's apple.

He's carrying a .357 magnum,

and he's on his way to the Carlton hotel.

Who am I?

Just a citizen who isn't quite as stupid

as everybody thinks she is.

Oh, I'm sorry. This is 411?

Well, could you give me the number for 911?

25 dinners in three hours.

I need help.

I'm back.

Dorothy?

Oh, it's you, Munchy.

The name's Chuy.

Munchy was just a nickname.

Well, what do you want?

(sighs) I want my job back.

Look, I'm going through a messy divorce,

and my ex‐wife got everything‐‐

The house, the savings.

You're breaking my heart.

Come on, please.

I'm tired of sleeping in the car.

Well, sleeping in it isn't bad.

It's entertaining that's impossible.

You'll have to do better than that.

Well, I don't know how to say this, but...

I'm attracted to you.

You're in.

We can give you your old salary and a room.

I guess we'll cook a little your way,

we'll cook a little my way.

We'll work something out.

But you got to really pretend you're attracted to me.

Oh! You got it, beautiful. (chuckles)

You're a really kind lady to take me back.

How's everything in here?

I feel pretty.

Oh, God, I'm bushed.

Yeah, it's like the old days for me.

Back on the farm.

How we used to work so hard.

My mother, my father,

all us kids.

That's how we'd spend our lives.

And then we'd die.

Oh.

Girls, we did it.

We paid the debt.

We have another month.

And we have enough to hire more help

and most of those travel agents

said they'd gladly recommend this place.

We did it!

Are you still ticked‐off at me?

Oh for God sake, will you knock it off?

I'm sick and tired of this behavior.

You were in this just as much as I was. I saw you.

You worked hard. You had fun.

You were happy. Come on, admit it.

We were.

You almost killed me.

Nothing could kill you.

Well, too much corn.

You know what this means?

This means we have a new, exciting life ahead of us.

I know. Oh, I don't think I've felt this good

since before my girls left home.

My favorite thing was always turning their bed down at night

and tucking them in

and making sure they were feeling safe.

I turned down 42 beds every night this week.

It was all I could do

not to go back and tuck everybody in.

I felt like I had a purpose again.

Well, I'm 88 and‐‐

You're 87.

‐What? ‐You're 87.

Okay.

I'm 87.

Dorothy is gone.

My friends are either dead

or they fall asleep while we're talking.

I haven't digested an onion in 20 years.

So why go on?

I went on because every morning I woke up alive.

Now I wake up because I got to make ravioli.

I'm busy.

I got stuff.

Yeah, that's it. That's it.

We all got stuff now. New stuff.

I'm just so excited running this place.

You know, when we start to advertise,

maybe we can use my picture like Leona Helmsley did.

Leona Helmsley used your picture?

But girls, isn't this just the best?

‐Yes. ‐Yeah.

Hey...

To happiness.

To life.

To us!

Yeah.

‐(Blanche sighs) ‐Okay, now how does this thing work again?

Well, traditionally, we all just sit here, eat cheesecake,

and bare our souls.

And sometimes I tell a story

about my hometown St. Olaf.

St. Olaf.

Hmm. Sounds fascinating.

Tell us about it.

Rookies.