Original subtitles

BEING A GIGOLO ISN'T ALWAYS EASY.

Nick: I'M VERY PROUD TO BE CALLED A GIGOLO.

THERE'S NOBODY OUT THERE MORE COMPETITIVE THAN ME.

I TRY TO BREAK A SWEAT SIX DAYS A WEEK.

Brace: THE BRACE PHILOSOPHY

IS TO REALLY BE GOOD TO PEOPLE.

I'VE HAD SO MANY WOMEN IN MY LIFE IT'S JUST A BLUR.

I'M GONNA ENJOY THIS.

Jimmy: I'M THE GUY THAT EATS DESSERT FIRST.

I'M ADVENTUROUS. I'M WILLING TO TRY QUITE A LOT.

Steven: I'M JUST A NORMAL GUY

LOOKING FOR LOVE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

THIS IS ME. YOU CAN TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

Vin: I REALLY LOVE WOMEN--

LEARNING ABOUT THEM, LEARNING WHAT MAKES THEM TICK.

I WOULD CONSIDER MYSELF A REAL FEMINIST.

THAT'S VEGAS, BABY.

( moans )

- MONEY, RIGHT THERE. - OH MY GOD.

- WHOO! - OH!

- Vin: I FEEL LIKE I GOT MORE SAUSAGE THAN YOU DID. - YOU PROBABLY DID.

Vin: WELL, YOU KNOW, THE PROFESSION THAT WE'RE IN,

YOU CAN'T SHARE WHAT YOU DO LIKE OTHER PEOPLE.

SO WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE TO SHARE

AND ACTUALLY BECOME CLOSE WITH A GROUP OF GUYS WHO DO WHAT YOU DO,

IT REALLY IS A SPECIAL AND VALUABLE RELATIONSHIP.

SO ONE OTHER THING THAT THIS CHICK MADE WAS A CAVEAT,

AND THIS IS WHAT GARREN TOLD ME--

HE GOES, "SHE DOESN'T WANT ANY BLACK ON YOU.

NO BLACK SUIT, TIE, ALL THAT STUFF."

- Vin: OH, NO BLACK CLOTHING. - "NO BLACK." AND I SAID,

"WHAT ABOUT SOCKS? CAN I WEAR BLACK SOCKS?"

HE GOES, "I WOULDN'T TRY. IT COULD BE A DEAL BREAKER."

- AND I WAS, "THIS CHICK"-- - WOW.

"IF THIS CHICK REALLY WOULD MAKE BLACK SOCKS THE DEAL BREAKER,

- THEN SHE IS NUTS." - SHE'S CRAZY.

- SOUNDS LIKE IT. - BUT YOU GOT PAID

- AND YOU LEARNED SOMETHING. - BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I WOULD DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT,

- BECAUSE I CAN HANDLE CRAZY IN SMALL DOSES. - LET ME OUT FOR A MINUTE.

Vin: AND FOR MONEY.

WHERE'RE YOU GOING, NICK? WHERE'RE YOU GOING?

- WHERE IS HE GOING? - ( Nick speaks )

- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT.

I DID-- I DID PUT SOME LAXATIVE IN HIS DINNER

- LAST NIGHT. - ( laughs )

THAT'S COOL.

- YOU GUYS-- - ALL RIGHT. FUCK YOU, GUYS.

- Jimmy: WHAT? - IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. AND ALL YOU GUYS JUST

- KEEP TRYING TO MAKE UP SOME SHIT. - WHAT THE FUCK?!

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY. HOW AM IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

- YOU DIDN'T TELL ME. - I DID.

- IT WAS IN MY PHONE. - WHAT?!

- YEAH. - YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?! LET'S DO SOMETHING, MAN.

- I HAD TO REMIND YOU IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. - NO, YOU DIDN'T.

- I HAVE AN ALARM SET ON MY iPHONE. - AN ALARM?

WHAT, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AT 1:00? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

YEAH.

- HE'S IN CHARGE OF THAT STUFF. - LIKE MOST ALARMS,

- I JUST IGNORE IT. - JESUS.

I'M GONNA HAVE A STEVEN DAY.

- Jimmy: STEVEN DAY? - RIGHT.

UH, YEAH, MY BIRTHDAY--

NONE OF THEM-- NONE OF THEM REMEMBERED IT.

I DON'T EVEN WANT ANYTHING FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT. IT'S JUST, UM--

A SIMPLE "HEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

I REMEMBER-- I KNOW ALL OF THEIR BIRTHDAYS.

- WHAT THE FUCK? - Brace: HE'S ACTING KIND OF PISSY.

Brace's voice: YOU KNOW, BIRTHDAYS AREN'T A BIG THING FOR ME.

AND I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS ON A BIRTHDAY PATROL.

- WELL, WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. - Brace: WE WILL.

LET'S FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE GONNA DO.

WHAT IS STEVEN INTO THOUGH? HE LIKES-- I DON'T KNOW.

WE COULD GET SUPER-HAMMERED AND BUNGEE-JUMP OFF THE STRATOSPHERE.

- WE'LL PROBABLY KEEP TO OURSELVES-- - HEY, NICK.

- WHAT'S UP, DUDE? - WHERE'D STEVEN GO?

- HE JUST GOT UP AND TOOK OFF. - WE FORGOT ABOUT HIS BIRTHDAY.

- YEAH, NOW HE'S PISSED. - DID YOU KNOW IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY?

UH, N-- I KNEW,

BUT YEAH, I FORGOT.

YEAH, WE FUCKED UP.

LET'S MAKE IT UP TO HIM THOUGH. I'VE GOT SOME IDEAS WE COULD DO,

IF HE WANTS TO GO HAVE SOME FUN OR SOMETHING.

I GOTTA GO. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU DECIDE THE PLAN IS.

- WE'LL FIGURE OUT WHAT WE'RE DOING AND-- - WILL YOU TEXT ME?

- YEAH YEAH. - ALL RIGHT.

THERE'S SOME PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAYS YOU GOTTA REMEMBER.

( laughs ) APPARENTLY, STEVEN'S IS ONE OF THEM.

YEAH, RIGHT.

I HAVE A NEW CLIENT WHO ASKED ME TO MEET HER

AT HER OFFICE FOR A LUNCH DATE.

- HI. - HELLO, I'M HERE TO SEE COURTNEY.

COURTNEY. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- JIMMY. - JIMMY. HOLD ON A SECOND.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT KIND OF EXPERIENCE

SHE'S LOOKING FOR IN HER OFFICE... ( chuckles )

- BUT I'M SURE I'LL FIND OUT. - HELLO.

- SO YOU FOUND THE OFFICE EASILY? - NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

- UM... - HERE YOU ARE.

- ON A LUNCH DATE? - RIGHT.

I WAS VERY ATTRACTED TO YOUR WEBSITE AND EVERYTHING,

YOUR PROFILE, EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

I WAS LIKE, "WOW, I WOULD LOVE TO MEET THIS GUY."

MY NAME IS COURTNEY AND I'M 42 YEARS OLD.

I'M EXECUTIVE AT A DESIGNER WALL COMPANY.

- A PREFAB FIRM, HUH? - YES.

- PREFAB WALLS. - DO YOU GUYS ACTUALLY MAKE IT HERE OR NO?

WE ACTUALLY HAVE A PLANT. THIS IS JUST OUR CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS HERE.

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE.

IT'S VERY VERY AWKWARD, OBVIOUSLY,

BUT IT'S VERY THRILLING TO THINK THAT YOU COULD ACTUALLY

HAVE SEX SOMEWHERE THAT'S PUBLIC.

YEAH, I NOTICED, FROM THE EMAILS,

THERE WAS A VERY EXCITED TONE

- TO YOUR WORDS. - MM-HMM.

SO...

MEN DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS SEEKING EXCITEMENT.

THEY WILL GO TO STRIP CLUBS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

IF WOMEN ACTED THAT WAY,

THEY WOULD BE CRITICIZED

OR JUDGED SOMEHOW. AND I JUST DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR.

ARE THESE SOUNDPROOF? CAN WE UH--

THEY'RE NOT SOUNDPROOF, SO WE KIND OF HAVE TO KEEP IT DOWN A LITTLE.

- ALL RIGHT? - ALL RIGHT.

WELL, LET'S CLEAR OFF SOME SPACE.

Jimmy: I HAVE HAD MANY PROPOSITIONS

FROM WOMEN THAT DON'T WANNA USE PROTECTION.

BUT THAT'S NEVER MY POLICY.

( both laugh )

Jimmy: I THINK PEOPLE LIKE HAVING SEX IN PUBLIC

BECAUSE IT GIVES THEM THE ADRENALINE.

( Courtney moaning )

THE ADRENALINE OF GETTING TO DO IT IN PUBLIC

JUST WAKES THEM UP SOMEHOW. IT MAKES THEM FEEL ALIVE.

( Jimmy whispers )

- SHH. - ( Courtney speaks )

WHAT'S YOUR DEFINITION OF PUBLIC X?

I THINK IT CAN BE COOL, IT CAN BE SEXY.

- AND A LOT OF WOMEN LIKE IT TOO. - ( thumping )

USUALLY THE WOMEN THAT LIKE IT ARE KIND OF LIKE THE NUTJOBS.

- ( Courtney moaning ) - YEAH.

SEX IN PUBLIC...

IS FUCKING HOT. IT'S HOT.

- THERE? - YEAH.

( both moaning loudly )

Jimmy: THE BEST PART ABOUT BEING A GIGOLO

IS GETTING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE'S FANTASY.

I THINK THAT'S REALLY EXCITING.

( sighs )

WELL, THAT WAS A DECENT BUSINESS LUNCH.

- Courtney: INDEED. - CAN'T SAY--

CAN'T SAY I'VE HAD MANY LUNCHES THAT ARE THAT EXCITING.

YEAH. YOU WANT THAT?

- OKAY, THEN. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. - OKAY.

BYE.

Jimmy: MMM, THIS OUGHTA BE A GOOD EXPERIENCE.

MY FAVORITE UNCLE USED TO TAKE ME TO A GUN RANGE ON MY BIRTHDAY EVERY YEAR

AND IT WAS A BLAST. THOSE WERE SOME OF THE BEST BIRTHDAYS OF MY LIFE.

I THOUGHT THAT, YOU KNOW, WHAT BETTER WAY

TO SHARE SOME OF MY MOJO WITH STEVEN

THAN TAKE HIM TO A GUN RANGE AND LET HIM BLOW UP THE SHIT OUT OF SOMETHING.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE SAFETY BRIEF REAL QUICK.

- ALL RIGHT. - OKAY.

SHOOT THE M4 HERE. IT'S IN FULL AUTO,

SO AT ALL TIMES KEEP THE WEAPON POINTED DOWN RANGE.

SO THE GUYS HAD PLANNED SOME KIND

OF "GREAT STEVEN ADVENTURE"

WITH A WHOLE BUNCH OF GOOFY SHIT, BUT I'LL ROLL WITH IT.

- I'M STYLISH, RIGHT? - OH, YEAH. YOU LOOK GREAT, MAN.

- Jimmy: PINK IS THE NEW BLACK. - ( man laughs )

- ( "Dueling Banjos" playing ) - WHOA, THESE ARE GOOD MUFFS.

ALL RIGHT, WHO'S SHOOTING FIRST?

- Brace: I WILL. - BRACELAND.

- BRACE, YOU'RE FIRST? - YEP.

ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO.

- ARE YOU RIGHT- OR LEFT-HANDED, SIR? - RIGHT.

( gun firing )

- Man: WHAT DO YOU THINK? - Brace: NOT TOO BAD, HUH?

HOW'D IT FEEL?

- GO FOR IT, STEVE. - OKAY, HERE YOU GO.

- Brace: WATCH OUT FOR THE SHELLS. - ( man speaks )

( laughs )

- Nick: YOU MISSED IT. - ( laughing )

- Steven: STOP RUNNING. - STOP RUNNING.

- JUST-- CAN YOU MOVE IT CLOSER? - STOP RIGHT THERE

- OR I'LL SHOOT AROUND YOU. - Nick: THOSE WERE WARNING SHOTS.

YEAH, FUN TIMES. WHOO-OO-OO.

Jimmy: HE'S GONNA DIE FROM INTERNAL BLEEDING.

STEVEN'S GUY IS GONNA DIE FROM FEAR.

Brace: ARE YOU HIGH?

- Vin: WELL, THE PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER IS DEAD. - ( guys laughing )

HE MUST'VE BEEN A PIRATE. HE KPARROT ON HIS SHOULDER.

- LIKE "SHUT UP, POLLY." - ( laughs )

- "HERE'S YOUR CRACKER." - Brace: ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'RE ALL ABOUT,

- BIG-TIME BIG-TALKER NICK. - ALL THE TIME.

Nick: WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I WAS IN THE AIR FORCE.

AND WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MILITARY,

EVERYBODY GETS THE CHANCE TO SHOOT THE M16.

A VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE SCORES HIGH ENOUGH TO MAKE MARKSMAN.

IN THE AIR FORCE, I WAS A MARKSMAN TWICE.

Vin: WHEN WE GO PAINTBALLING, I GUESS I KNOW WHO'S ON MY TEAM.

- Brace: GOOD WORK, NICK. - Vin: YOU MURDERED THAT DUDE.

- THAT'S HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE DONE. - YEAH, YOU MERC-ED HIM.

Nick: DON'T BE ALL UPSET 'CAUSE I WHIPPED YOUR ASS.

- I'M NOT UPSET. - Brace: THAT WAS GREAT.

- SO THAT HAD TO PERK YOU UP A LITTLE BIT, RIGHT? - Vin: THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

- IT WAS ALL RIGHT. - IT WAS ALL RIGHT?

- Vin: WHAT ARE YOU UPSET ABOUT? - I DON'T KNOW HOW I WOULD TOP THAT, MAN.

SOMETIMES, WHEN PEOPLE ARE DISAPPOINTED OR BUMMED,

I THINK IT'S VERY HARD FOR THEM TO GET OUT OF THAT RUT.

AND I THINK STEVEN IS JUST ONE OF THOSE SENSITIVE PEOPLE

THAT CAN'T ALWAYS LET GO OF STUFF, IF AT ALL.

SO IT'S JUST GONNA TAKE A FEW MORE IDEAS

TO TRY TO KEEP GOING, TO CHEER HIM UP,

'CAUSE THE GUN STORE DIDN'T WORK.

- YOU GUYS READY? - THIS OUGHTA BE COOL.

- THANK YOU, NICK. - THANKS, GUY.

Vin: YEAH, THIS IS GONNA BE THE SHIT RIGHT HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA LIKE THIS!

Brace: I FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING READY TO GO ROB A 7-ELEVEN.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

( man speaking )

GUYS, VISORS DOWN.

MAKE SURE THE SILVER SWITCH UNDERNEATH STEERING WHEEL IS UP.

Steven: I'M 6'4", SO, UM--

SO I'M-- I'M CRUNCHED IN THIS LITTLE CAR.

AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK INSIDE A BATHTUB GOING AROUND A TRACK.

( Vin speaks )

WHOA! OH, SHIT!

I'M A COMPETITOR BY NATURE, ALWAYS HAVE BEEN,

ALWAYS WILL BE.

Vin: MOTHERFUCKER!

I'M BEHIND NICK. HE KEEPS SMASHING ON HIS BREAKS

AT EVERY TURN TRYING TO GET ME TO BUMP INTO HIM...

F' YOU, MAN! WHAT THE FUCK?!

...SO THAT I'M GONNA GET KICKED OFF THE TRACK

AND HE'S GONNA HAVE JUST FREE REIN TO JUST ROLL AROUND THE WHOLE THING.

Vin: DUDE, YOU KEEP STOPPING!

WHAT AN ASSHOLE!

- ( tires screech ) - WHOA! HEY, ASSHOLE!

WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?

AFTER GO-CARTING, I GET IT-- YOU GUYS ARE TRYING TO MAKE IT UP TO ME.

IT'S COOL. THANKS. I'M OVER IT.

PLEASE STOP, JUST STOP. STOP.

- STEVEN? - YES.

- LAST PLACE. - WHAT?

- FOURTH, NICK. - WHAT?

- YES. JAMES IN FIRST. - OH!

YOU BET I WAS A LITTLE HAPPY THAT NICK DIDN'T WIN.

OH, SOMETIMES IT'S FUN JUST PULL THAT GUY'S CHAIN.

- HE BEAT ME. HOW IS THAT? - ( Jimmy laughs )

- THIS IS A RIP-OFF. - THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S AVERAGED TIMES.

- JIMMY WON. - YOU CAN'T WIN. I WON.

- I CAME IN FIRST. - WELL, LOOK AT HIM.

- NO, HE DIDN'T. - YOU DIDN'T COME IN FIRST. YOU CAME IN LAST.

I PULLED UP FIRST.

STEVEN ENDED UP FINISHING DEAD LAST AGAIN.

THAT KIND OF BUMMED HIM OUT.

- WHERE IS HE GOING? STEVEN?! - WHAT THE FUCK'S HE DOING?

Steven: MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE BIT WEIRD,

BUT BIRTHDAYS ARE KIND OF IMPORTANT TO ME.

GROWING UP, I DIDN'T HAVE A LOT

- OF THAT STANDARD BIRTHDAY LOVE. - WHAT THE FUCK?

SO... SORRY I GET A LITTLE WEIRD.

UH...

- A'IGHT, YOU'VE GOTTA GET HIM LAID NOW. - YEAH, I THINK SO.

( acoustic guitar playing )

( vocalizing )

Jimmy: NICK REALLY LOVES MUSIC.

AND I'VE SEEN OVER THE YEARS THAT HE'S BEEN IMPROVING.

AND A LOT OF TIMES HE SORT OF HEARS ME

EITHER HUMMING OR SINGING AROUND THE HOUSE.

HE SEEMS TO GET A CUE FROM THAT TO ALSO WARM UP HIS VOICE MORE.

♪ YEAH YEAH. ♪

I LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE SOME TYPE OF ENTERTAINER.

I STARTED WRITING RHYMES IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.

IT'S TRANSFORMED AND DEVELOPED A LOT SINCE THEN.

- YOU'RE GONNA FLOW? - ♪ I'VE GOT THE GIGOLO STYLE ♪

♪ I'VE GOT THE GIGOLO FLAVOR, I'VE GOT THE GIGOLO SOUND ♪

♪ I'VE GOT THAT GIGOLO SWAGGER, HO. ♪

MY STYLE OF RAPPING IS REALLY DIVERSE.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LOT OF DIFFERENT STYLES. JUST LIKE ME--

SOMETIMES I CAN BE REALLY DEEP, THEN OTHER TIMES I JUST HAVE FUN WITH IT.

- ♪ GI-GI-GI-GIGOLO ♪ - ♪ I'VE GOT THE GIGOLO STYLE ♪

- ♪ GI-GI-GI-GIGOLO ♪ - ♪ I'VE GOT THE GIGOLO FLAVOR, I'VE GOT THE GIGOLO SMILE ♪

- ♪ GI-GI-GI-GIGOLO ♪ - ♪ I'VE GOT THAT GIGOLO SWAGGER ♪

- ♪ GI-GI-GI-GIGOLO. ♪

- ( Nick laughs ) GOOD SHIT, MAN. - WHOO!

HOW ARE YA?

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS HAVING?

- Jimmy: I'LL TAKE A BLOODY MARY. - Vin: GOOSE AND O.J.

PATRON AND PINEAPPLE, OF COURSE.

JUST A WATER, PLEASE.

- WATER? - Woman: ON THE ROCKS? ( laughs )

NICE AND STIFF NOW.

YOU ORDERED A WATER-- WHAT'S THE DEAL?

UH, I DON'T KNOW. SOME OLD STOMACH PROBLEM

I DRANK TOO MUCH THIS WEEKEND OR SOMETHING.

YOU THINK IT'S BOOZE OR YOU'VE GOT THE BUG?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S ACTUALLY BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR FIVE DAYS.

- I HAVEN'T HAD-- - FIVE?!

- YEAH! - YOU SHOULD GET A COLONIC DONE.

THAT'S WHERE ALL THE BACTERIA AND ALL THESE LITTLE GOOBERS--

WE TALKED ABOUT THAT BEFORE, BRACE.

BRACE FOR SOMETIME NOW HAS BEEN LEADING ME

ON A HEALTHY PATH WHICH HAS ACTUALLY CHANGED MY LIFE.

AND HE'S BEEN ON MY CASE FOR A LITTLE BIT ABOUT GETTING A COLONIC.

- YOU SHOULD GET ONE. - IF THERE WAS EVER A TIME I WAS GONNA DO IT,

IT MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME, 'CAUSE I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF HURTING.

I'LL GO WITH YOU AND I'LL GET ONE DONE WITH YOU.

Brace: I GET ONE-- I GET TWO OF THEM DONE EVERY JANUARY

JUST FOR GOOD HOUSE-CLEANING PRACTICES.

- ( Nick laughs ) YOU'LL DO IT WITH ME. - Brace: I WILL.

WE'RE NOT LIKE IN THE SAME ROOM OR ANYTHING.

Brace: NO, EVEN IF WE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM,

I AM NOT GONNA WATCH THEM INSERT IT INTO YOUR BROWN EYE.

- I'M NOT GONNA BE RIGHT ON TOP OF YOU. - YOU'RE GONNA HOLD HANDS?

"HEY, GOOD BUDDY, LET'S GO GET A COLONIC."

THAT'S THE WORST PICK-UP LINE I'VE EVER HEARD MY ENTIRE LIFE.

AND THAT'S BROMANCE AT ITS DEEPEST LEVEL.

AND I DO MEAN DEEP.

YOU CAN'T FEEL ASHAMED BY DOING IT.

- SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. - EVERYBODY'S GIVING HIM SHIT.

THESE GUYS ARE TALK-- YOU KNOW.

Vin: I DON'T KNOW IF THEY REALIZE

QUITE HOW HILARIOUS THE REST OF US FIND THIS TO BE.

"HEY, NICK, LET'S GO

AND SHOVE SOMETHING UP OUR ASS

AND LET 'EM SHOOT COLD WATER OR HOT WATER"--

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT KIND OF WATER IT IS,

BUT I'M OUT, COMPLETELY OUT.

THE BIGGEST-- THE BIGGEST THING, THOUGH,THOUGH,

IS WHEN THIS THING STARTS GOING UP YOUR ASS.

ALL RIGHT, I SAID I'LL DO IT. ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE ME NOT TO?

( laughs )

( bell rings )

- ( sighs ) - Woman: HOW ARE YOU DOING?

- GOOD. BRACE, YEAH. - GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- THIS IS MY BUDDY NICK. - HI.

- HI. - HI, NICK. HOW ARE YOU?

- HE'S A NEWBIE. HE'S A LITTLE NERVOUS. - Nick: GREAT.

OKAY, YOU'RE GONNA GO AHEAD AND FILL THIS OUT.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE INFO SHEET.

YOU CAN HAVE A SEAT RIGHT THERE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO JUST WAIT HERE WITH HIM UNTIL HE'S FINISHED?

- YEAH. YEAH, HE NEEDS A LITTLE SUPPORT. - Nick: YEAH.

- SO I'LL JUST HANG ON WITH HIM. - OKAY. ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE BACK AND CHECK--

OKAY, THANKS. YOU'RE GONNA COME OUT OF HERE A NEW MAN.

WELL, NICK'S FEELING KIND OF SICK.

AND A LOT OF TIMES WHEN PEOPLE START GETTING THE SIGNS OF THE FLU,

MOST OF THE TIME IT'S GENERATED IN THE STOMACH OR IN THE INTESTINES.

- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, NICK? - NO, I'M NOT.

JUST-- YOU'LL BE GOOD.

JUST DO-- DO WHAT THEY TELL YOU TO DO AND YOU'LL BE GOOD.

AND THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO GET 'EM BLOWN OUT.

BRACE?

- OH MY GOD. - ARE YOU READY?

- ALL RIGHT. - SHE'S WARMING HER HANDS, DUDE.

- ( laughs nervously ) - WELL, BETTER WARM THAN COLD.

- YOU'RE NEXT DOOR. YOU'RE RIGHT NEXT DOOR, RIGHT? - I'M NEXT DOOR.

AS I'M WALKING INTO THE ROOM, ALL I'M THINKING IS

"HOW THE FUCK DID BRACE TALK ME INTO THIS?"

BRACE! I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS. I'M SERIOUS.

WHY CAN'T HE HEAR ME? HE'S NEXT DOOR, RIGHT?

BRACE, WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR ME?

Nick: BRACE!

( mimics female voice ) BRACE HAS GONE HOME.

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, NICK.

( woman speaking )

- IN IT? - YES.

YOU CAN'T DO IT? I'D SERIOUSLY RATHER HAVE YOU DO IT, I THINK.

( woman speaks )

I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GONNA HAVE TO LUBE UP MY OWN ASSHOLE.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? BRACE DOES THIS ALL THE TIME?

LUBRICATE INSIDE A LITTLE BIT AND AROUND.

- DONE DEAL. - OKAY.

( whimpers ) IT DOESN'T GO IN.

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO GO IN THERE. ( groans )

( woman speaks )

( groans )

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD!

IS IT IN? IS IT IN?

IS IT IN?

I DON'T KNOW. IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW. BRACE!

( laughs ) I WISH I COULD BE IN THERE.

- BRACE! - HE'S PROBABLY JUST SWEATING, JUST PANICKING.

OKAY, SO WE'RE GONNA TURN THE WATER ON, OKAY?

Brace: OOH. ( chuckles )

- OH. - YOU'RE GONNA FEEL PRESSURE,

JUST GO AHEAD AND RELEASE.

( sighs ) MOTHER OF GOD.

THERE IT GOES.

( moans )

THERE GOES ALL THOSE PARASITES AND TOXINS,

OH, I WONDER HOW NICK'S DOING.

IT SMELLS FUNNY IN HERE.

NO. ( hums )

( grunts ) IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.

I'M FULL. I'M FULL!

- I HAVE TO PUSH? - YES.

- IS IT DOING IT? - HM-MMM.

I-- YES, I THINK SO.

- PEOPLE PASS OUT WHEN THEY DO THIS? - Woman: NO.

NO?! I'D BE THE FIRST.

I DON'T LIKE THIS. I DON'T LIKE IT.

IS IT DRAINING? I'M NOT GONNA BLOW UP, AM I?

I'M GETTING RID OF THOSE LITTLE DEMON PARASITES.

( sighs ) AH, BOY.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

- ( woman chuckles ) - ( grunting )

I'M NOT HEARING NICK YELLING, SO HE MUST BE SUBDUED SOMEWHAT.

OH, MAN. BRACE!

NO!

NO. I ALREADY KNOW.

( groaning )

I HATE IT, I HATE IT. BRACE!

( sighs )

- OH. - GOT IT?

IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?

AFTERWARDS, I DEFINITELY FELT WORSE.

( groans )

I WAS VIOLATED. I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME MAN.

( laughs ) ARE YOU READY FOR THE WALK OF SHAME?

- EASY. I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE FRIENDS ANYMORE. - WHATEVER.

I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD CUDDLE.

YOU GUYS MADE QUITE THE CONNECTION IN THERE.

I DON'T THINK I COULD'VE DONE THAT WITHOUT YOU,

SO THANK YOU.

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WILL BE MY LAST COLONIC.

- SEE YOU. - Woman: ALL RIGHT, YOU TAKE CARE.

- ( Brace laughs ) - IT'S NOT FUNNY, DUDE.

DUDE, YOU JUST DIDN'T GET GANG-RAPED.

- IT FEELS LIKE IT! - WELL...

- Vin: SALUT. - WHAT ARE WE SALUTING TO?

- TO SOMETHING. WHO KNOWS? - SPILLING ON MY LAP.

SPILLING ON YOUR LAP. EXACTLY.

Jimmy: I GOT THIS IDEA, RIGHT?

I'M THINKING MAYBE FOR STEVEN'S BIRTHDAY

WE SHOULD JUST GIVE HIM A CLIENT OF OURS,

JUST STRAIGHT UP GIVE IT TO HIM AS A FREEBIE.

SO YOU HAVE A CLIENT YOU'VE BEEN WITH

AND YOU JUST WANNA REFER STEVEN TO HER?

I MEAN, I THINK THAT SHE'S SEXY ENOUGH

THAT IT WOULD BE SOMEONE STEVEN WOULD GO FOR.

AND MONEY IN THE POCKET AT THE SAME TIME.

- YEAH. - I LIKE IT.

Jimmy: THAT'S NOT A BAD PRESENT.

I STILL FEEL BAD ABOUT FORGETTING STEVEN'S BIRTHDAY

AND I STILL KNOW THAT WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING FOR HIM,

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING THAT HE LIKES.

IS SHE COOL LIKE THAT? I MEAN, IS SHE--

I THINK SO. I THINK SO.

I THINK SHE MIGHT BE DOWN FOR IT. SHE'S QUITE THE WILD CHICK.

- YEAH, WHY NOT? - Jimmy: LET'S DO IT.

BUT THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING ADDITIONAL, MAN.

WE CAN'T JUST LET HIM HAVE THE MONEY, RIGHT?

COULD WE PRANK IT A LITTLE BIT?

HAVE A BIG SIGN THAT SAYS "SURPRISE"?

- I DON'T GET IT. - I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

MAYBE LIKE BRACE SHOWS UP AS A PIZZA DELIVERY STRIPPER...

- OOH. - OR SOMETHING CRAZY, LIKE--

NICK AND I COULD SHOW UP AS STRIPPER COPS,

- SAYING THEY'RE BEING TOO LOUD. - I SAY WE HAVE JIMMY HIDE IN THE ROOM.

- YEAH? - AND WHEN THEY'RE ABOUT TO GET IT ON,

SHE CAN TELL HIM SHE LIKES TO DO IT WITH THE LIGHTS OFF.

HIT THE LIGHT SWITCH,

- HER AND JIMMY SWITCH SPOTS... - ( both laugh )

SHE SHUTS THE LIGHTS OFF WHILE HE'S TIED TO THE BED

AND THEN YOU JUST LIKE WHISPER IN HIS EAR,

"ALL RIGHT, ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?"

- "LET'S GET IT ON." - YEAH.

Jimmy: STEVEN LIKES COUGARS. STEVEN LIKES FUCKING.

UH, SO A PLAN IS IN THE WORKS.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.

( deep voice ) "NOW JUST RELAX."

- I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT. - YEAH? YEAH?

YEAH, THAT'S AWESOME. THAT'S AWESOME.

- YOU KNOW JIMMY IS DOWN FOR THAT. - I'M OUT. NO.

I'M OUT. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HIRE SOMEONE ELSE. SORRY, GUYS.

Steven: THE GUYS STILL FELT BAD ABOUT FORGETTING

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY

AS WELL AS FAILING MISERABLY TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

- HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING? - HI.

SO THEY'VE GIFTED ME

WITH ONE OF JIMMY'S REGULAR CLIENTS

AND APPARENTLY THEY THINK SHE'S MY "TYPE."

BUT KNOWING THEIR RECORD FOR SCREWING UP A GOOD THING,

I'M A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS FOR WHAT'S IN STORE HERE.

- WELL, HAVE YOU HAD A GOOD BIRTHDAY? - IT'S BEEN INTERESTING.

- THE GUYS TRIED TO CHEER ME UP. - OH.

I'M LIKE, "REALLY? I DON'T WANNA GO GO-CART RACING,

SHOOTING GUNS OR ANY OF THAT SHIT."

- I'D RATHER SERIOUSLY JUST SLEEP. - THAT'S WHAT YOU'D--

- MAYBE A COUPLE OF BLOWJOBS. - ( chuckles )

DOES THAT MEAN A COUPLE BY ONE PERSON

OR A COUPLE BY A COUPLE OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE?

- EITHER WAY. - ( both laugh )

REALLY?

WHY? YOU GOT SOME FRIENDS IN TOWN?

Steven: I LIKE OLDER WOMEN. I LIKE STRONGER WOMEN.

THEY TEND TO HAVE A MORE LEVEL HEAD

AND PLAY LESS BULLSHIT HIGH SCHOOL GAMES.

( woman speaks )

- OH. - OH.

- AM I SUPPOSED TO OPEN IT NOW? - YOU CAN.

THERE'LL BE MORE SURPRISES LATER.

STOP.

I AM A SINGLE LADY

WHO ENJOYS HAVING A LITTLE COMPANIONSHIP EVERY NOW AND THEN.

AND I ENJOY LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

I WAS MARRIED TO A DOCTOR IN MY EARLY TWENTIES

MY SEXUAL HISTORY PRIOR TO MEETING HIM

WAS NOT VERY VIVID, I WOULD SAY.

( Kira laughs )

WE DIVORCED AND SINCE THEN

I COULD SAY THAT THERE'S BEEN A LOT MORE SEXUAL ACTIVITIES.

NOW IT'S MY TURN TO PLAY.

FINALLY, THIS BIRTHDAY IS IMPROVING.

( Vin whispering ) IT'S 508.

- ( whispers )OKAY. - TURN LEFT HERE.

ON THREE, ARE YOU READY?

ONE, TWO...

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY! - ( laughing )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

( loud cheering )

THEY CAME BUSTING IN WITH THE BIRTHDAY CAKE

AND HE WAS DEFINITELY SURPRISED.

- Brace: YOU'RE A BAD BOY, STEVEN! - DIG INTO YOUR CAKE, BABY.

Vin: SHE WAS IN ON IT, DUDE. SHE SET IT UP.

SHE SET IT UP. ( laughs )

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEVEN. - OH MY GOD, YOU ALL ARE INSANE.

I THINK HE'S BLUSHING. ARE YOU BLUSHING?

DON'T LOSE YOUR WOODY ON OUR ACCOUNT. CONTINUE.

- TOO LATE. - YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO HELL--

- EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. - TOO LATE, TOO LATE.

AFTER ALL THIS, I'VE COME TO REALIZE

THAT THERE'S NO POINT IN GETTING ANGRY AT THESE IDIOTS.

I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT AND I SUPPOSE

THAT THEIR HEARTS ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

UM, CAN YOU GUYS, I DON'T KNOW,

MAYBE GET THE FUCK OUT?

CAN WE WHAT?! ( stutters )

YEAH YEAH, I'M TRYING TO-- YOU KNOW,

- I GOT YA. - SURE, YOU GOT IT.

- ALL RIGHT, BUDDY. - JUST REMEMBER--

- Steven: I LOVE YOU GUYS. - REMEMBER WHO LOVES YA.

THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING. REMEMBER WHO LOVES YA.

WE'RE FULFILLING YOUR BIRTHDAY DESIRE.

- WE DID A LOT OF STUFF FOR YOU. - Steven: I KNOW.

- I LOVE YOU GUYS. - Brace: GO FOR IT.

GOD BLESS YA. YOU TOO THERE, GIRL.

I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF CAKE, BUT YOU KNOW,

WITH ALL THAT SAID, YOU'VE GOTTA BE A GOOD SPORT.

BRING THE WHOLE CAKE OVER.

( Kira speaks)

DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCK THE CAKE? LIKE "FUCK IT" FUCK IT?

( Kira speaks )

HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

( Kira continues )

- IF I HAD ONE. - IT'S SLIGHTLY ODD.

Kira: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BIRTHDAY CAKE.

( laughs )

SEEMS LIKE WE'RE DOING A LOT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

I'M NOT EVEN TELLING YOU GUYS WHEN MY BIRTHDAY IS.

- YEAH, ME EITHER. - FUCK THAT SHIT.

- I WAS BORN UNDER A ROCK. - ( Vin laughs )

( theme music playing )