Original subtitles

Yo, Tommy!

Hey, taxi!

Cigars. Cigarettes.

Great idea.

Hello, New York.

I'm Bobby Rydell, and I'm glad to be here.

Thank you all for coming to see us tonight.

It's Saturday night at the Copa.

We think you're gonna have a great time tonight.

We're gonna do our best to make sure of that.

As always, a very special thanks

to Mr. Jules Podell for having us out.

Let's get started.

♪ That old black magic has me

♪ In its spell

♪ That old black magic

♪ That you, uh, weave so well

- ♪ Those icy fingers - Cigars? Cigarettes?

- ♪ Up and down my spine - Thanks.

♪ The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine ♪

♪ I love them so well

- ♪ That same old tingle - Cigars?

♪ That I feel inside

♪ And then that elevator starts its ride ♪

♪ Darling...

Hello, sweetheart.

Here's my coat.

And you see this here hat?

I want you to guard it with your life.

It was a gift from my mother.

Yes, Mr. Loscudo.

Here, that's for you.

Thank you, sir.

Gio!

Hey, Carmine.

- How are you, pally? - Good to see you.

Oh, thank you. That's unnecessary.

Come on, let's go. Andiamo.

I saw this kid Bobby Rydell

two and a half years ago in South Philly.

Nobody knew who he was.

Th-They know him now.

Hey, give me Loscudo's hat.

- But he said to guard it. - I know. I heard.

Give it to me, all right?

Come on.

♪ Yeah, I should stay away

♪ But what can I do?

♪ I hear your name...

Hey, be respectful, and watch your mouth.

Shut up. She works here, all right, tough guy?

Yeah, what are you gonna do?

Tony Lip!

♪ Well, now you're the lover

♪ I have waited for

♪ You're the mate that fate had me created for ♪

♪ And every time your lips meet mine, yow... ♪

You put your hands on me, you punk?

Do yourself a favor... go home with your friends.

You don't tell me where to go. You know who I am?

I'm going back in there.

♪ Under that old black magic called love ♪

♪ Keep talking about that black old magic ♪

♪ Yeah, baby, 'cause I love, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Love that thing

♪ Old black magic

♪ Yeah, love...

You tell Juley Podell, if I don't

get my hat, I'm gonna burn this joint down!

- You hear me? - Joe, it's gonna turn up.

I swear to God it's gonna turn up.

- Really?! - It'll turn up.

You tell that fat Jew bastard,

I don't get my hat, I'll burn the Copa down.

I'm gonna have to go back to driving garbage trucks.

Jesus Christ.

Loscudo's out of his mind.

- Mm-hmm. - We earned our money tonight.

Lip, I thought you were gonna kill that guy.

Yeah.

Better him than me.

So, what are you gonna do while we're closed?

I don't know.

Maybe go work at my uncle's pizza joint.

You?

I'm gonna drink for two months.

Take me home, Lip.

- Hey, good luck. - You, too.

See you, Carmine.

No, you shouldn't... that should not happen.

- No, I don't want to be a... - Well...

My hat.

Heard it was missing, so I looked into it.

I wanted to kill that broad.

No, no. It wasn't her fault.

Who had the balls to clip Gio's hat?

Don't worry about it. I took care of it.

Yeah, I hope you gave him some beating.

Here.

Take this.

Put it in your kick.

No, no, thanks.

It was a pleasure, Mr. Loscudo, really.

Bullshit. Take it.

And from now on, you don't call me "Mr. Loscudo."

You hear me?

I'm your pal, Gio.

♪ One early morning

♪ As I was walking

♪ I met a woman

♪ We started talking

♪ I took her home to get a few nips ♪

♪ But all I had was a mint julep ♪

♪ One mint julep

♪ Was the cause of it all

♪ Ooh

♪ I don't remember

♪ Just how it started

♪ But all I know is

♪ We should have parted

♪ I stole a kiss and then another ♪

♪ I didn't mean to

♪ Take it further

♪ One mint julep

♪ Was the cause of it all

♪ The lights were burning low

♪ There in the parlor

♪ When through the kitchen door ♪

♪ Up popped her father

♪ He said, "I saw you when

♪ "You kissed my daughter

♪ "Gotta wed her right now

♪ Or face a slaughter"

♪ One mint julep

♪ Was the cause of it all.

Morning.

Good night.

One down, and the batter will be Roger Maris.

We need to get back in this.

The pitch to Maris, curveball...

Come on, Roger. Come on.

Come on, Roger, hit one out!

- Let's do it! - Johnny, quiet.

- You're gonna jinx it. - Come on, Roger.

- Come on. - Hey, Johnny.

Think you could yell a little louder?

- Maris is up. - Yeah, so am I now.

What the hell all you guys doing here?

All right.

We came over to keep Dolores company.

We're in the fifth inning...

- Come on. - Tony!

Thank you, ma'am.

Here's the pitch.

Fouls it back to the crowd.

One ball, one strike.

- Come on, Roger, please. - Let's do it, baby.

- I'll walk you out. - Sure.

We need to get back in this ball game.

- Come on. - Thank you so much.

No problem. Just give us a call.

Come on, come on, Roger.

- The one-two pitch. - Come on, baby.

The curve is hit deep into right field...

We did it! We got it!

- Yeah! - There it is!

- All right. - Three-one, baby. Three-one.

- Coming back. - Roger, baby, way to go!

- Three-one. - Way to go!

Do it again. Let's do it again.

Come on, baby.

No, Tony.

Go get dressed. We're gonna eat.

All right.

No game seven, no game seven.

From thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord.

- Amen. - Amen.

And if anyone hears of a job for Tony, let us know.

- Dolor. - What?

Please.

What happened? You get fired?

- No. - No.

The Copa's closing for repairs,

so he just needs something for a couple of months.

All the people he knows, he'll find something in no time.

Well, he had a great job at the Sanitation Department.

You shouldn't have punched out the foreman.

He shouldn't have woke me up.

That's Tony.

I can't believe they lost.

- Don't worry, don't worry. - Relax.

That never happened before.

They're gonna win the World Series.

I'm telling you, this is gonna be

the easiest 50 bucks you're ever gonna make.

Yeah, we'll see.

Hey, there they are.

Hi, Johnny.

- Tony, how are you? - Hey, Paulie.

- How you doing? - I'm good, I'm good.

So, uh, Johnny here tells me you ate

48 White Castle burgers all in one sitting.

Cheeseburgers.

You tell him, Frankie.

I don't believe it.

What do we care if you believe it?

Hey, Gorman.

What's the record here for hot dogs?

18, Fat Paulie.

Why wasn't Lip in on that contest?

What contest?

I was hungry.

Well, the bet's simple.

Half a C-note. Most hot dogs in an hour wins.

With toppings.

- What the hell you weigh? - 260.

Hey, two... Your left ass weighs 260.

May my mother-in-law drop dead on the spot if I'm lying.

- All right. You're on. - Good.

Pick it up, Lip!

The baby elephant just hit 19!

Let's go, Lip! Let's go!

Come on, let's go, Lip! Let's get this going!

You're embarrassing!

You're embarrassing your son!

He is killing you!

Hey, Nicky, you doing your homework?

- Yep. - Good.

Where you been?

Gorman's.

I'm making dinner.

Fat Paulie bet me 50 bucks

he could eat more hot dogs than me.

He knocked off 24.

Guy's an animal.

Are you crazy?

You lost $50?

Dolores, please.

I ate 26.

You are so lucky.

You know that?

Rent is due on Monday.

You gonna get that?

- Yeah? - Hey, Lip.

Some guy called over here. A doctor.

He's looking for a driver.

- You interested? - Yeah.

They're interviewing guys tomorrow afternoon.

The address is, uh, 881 7th Avenue.

2:15.

Hey. Excuse me.

We're not open right now, but you're welcome

to purchase tickets to tonight's performance.

Nah, that's all right.

I, uh... I think I got the wrong address,

but, uh, is there a doctor's office in here?

A doctor's office?

Dr. Shirley?

You have the correct address.

Dr. Shirley lives upstairs, above the Hall.

How you doing?

I'm here for the driver job.

Tony Lip.

No Tony Lip.

No, I should be on there.

Uh...

no, um, I have a Tony Val... Valle-la-la...

Vallelonga. Yeah.

That's me.

Fill it out while you wait.

What?

Fill it out while you wait.

Oh. Yeah.

Have a seat.

Mr. Vallelonga. Sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh.

I'm Dr. Donald Shirley.

Tony.

Yes. Please sit down.

Some place you got here.

Are them horns real?

Elephant tusks, yes.

What about that?

Is that a molar?

A what?

A molar, a-a shark tooth.

Or a tiger's, maybe.

It was a gift.

I thought, uh... I thought I was going to an office.

They said a doctor needed a driver.

That's all they told you?

Yeah.

Actually, it's a bit more complicated than that.

Have you ever driven professionally before?

Yeah. Sanitation.

Garbage trucks.

Plus, I drive my boss home at night.

But I can drive anything.

Limos. Tow trucks.

Snowplows. Whatever.

I see.

What other experience do you have?

I worked a lot of joints.

Wagon Wheel, Peppermint Lounge, Copa.

In what capacity?

What do you mean?

What did you do there?

Uh...

Public relations.

Well, first of all, Tony, I'm not a medical doctor.

I'm a musician.

You mean, like, songs?

Yes.

And I'm about to embark on a concert tour,

the majority of which will be down south.

Atlantic City.

No.

The Deep South.

First, we're starting in the Midwest,

and then we're taking a hard left.

Kentucky, North Carolina, Tennessee,

and on down through the Delta.

Do you foresee any issues in working for a black man?

No.

No, no, no.

It was just the other day, me and the wife

had a couple of colored guys over at the house.

For-for drinks.

Hmm. I see.

You're married.

Yeah. Two kids.

I'm not sure this is the proper job for a married man.

Why? Are we bringing broads?

My point is we'll be gone for eight straight weeks.

No breaks, right up until Christmas.

You're quite sure you can leave your family for that long?

Depends what you're paying.

A hundred dollars a week, plus room and board.

Hmm.

But let me be crystal clear.

I'm not just hiring a chauffeur.

I need someone who can handle my itinerary.

Be a personal assistant. I need a valet.

I need someone who can launder my clothes and shine my shoes.

Good luck, Doc.

Tony.

I had my record label ask around town

to find me the right man.

Your name came up more than once.

You've impressed several people with your...

innate ability to handle trouble.

And that is why I called and inquired

about your availability.

Okay, here's the deal.

I got no problem being on the road with you.

But I ain't no butler.

I ain't ironing no shirts,

and I'm not polishing nobody's shoes.

You need somebody to get you from point A to point B?

You need someone to make sure

there's no problems along the way?

And believe me, you and the Deep South,

there's gonna be problems.

So, if you want me,

it's a buck and a quarter a week.

Or go hire that little Chink just pranced out of here.

See how far you get.

Well, Mr. Vallelonga,

thank you for stopping by.

Hey, Bobby.

Give me a Rheingold.

Ice cold.

Mr. Tony.

Augie asking about you.

Come on! I'm dying of thirst over here.

Shut up!

I'm talking.

When?

Now. He in his box.

Tony Lip.

What the hell happened at the Copa?

I hear you almost split a guy's face open.

That guy you hit, Mikey Cerrone,

part of Charlie the Hand's crew.

Guess he should have known better.

Hand asked me to look into it.

I spoke to Podell.

Whole thing was, uh, over a piece of ass, right?

Yeah.

Beef like that should never happen inside the club.

They were out of line.

So we squashed it.

You, uh, looking to earn a little extra scharole?

I can keep you busy while the Copa is down.

What do I gotta do?

Things.

Appreciate it, but, uh,

I want to spend some time with the family.

Don't be stupid.

You make yourself a few extra bucks, you buy something nice

for that pretty little wife of yours.

Hmm.

Nah, I'm good.

I'm flush right now.

♪ So long, Lover's Island

- ♪ Dee - ♪ Dee-ooh

♪ Ee, ah, ooh, ay...

Here's 50.

Here. Pay me 60 by New Year's, you get it back.

Hey, Lip.

Everything okay?

What, you got beak trouble, Charlie?

Mind your business.

♪ Lover's Island...

So, come on. I'm dying to hear.

What happened with the doctor interview?

He ain't a real doctor.

He's a piano player.

Well, I don't understand.

Why did they say that he was a doctor?

I don't know. I think he's, like,

a doctor of, uh, piano playing or something.

You can be that?

I guess.

He lives on top of Carnegie Hall.

You should've seen this place, Dee.

It was filled with statues and all kinds of fancy crap.

And he was sitting on top of a friggin' throne

all dressed up like, uh, like the king of the jungle bunnies.

He's colored?

Well, you wouldn't last a week with him.

For the right money, I would.

Yeah.

Oh.

Look...

Really?

- Uh, okay. - You okay?

Okay, hang on a sec.

It's, uh, Dr. Shirley, the piano guy.

He wants to talk to you.

- Me? - Yeah.

What? No.

Come on.

- Take it. - No. Tony...

Just... just talk.

Hello?

Uh, good morning, Doctor.

It's nice to talk to you.

Well, uh, yes, that is a long time.

It is.

Yes. I'm sure.

Thank you.

Thank you for calling.

Bye, now.

What'd he say?

He wanted to know if I'd be okay

with him taking my husband away from his family for two months.

He said he'd pay you what you asked for.

- Hey. - Hmm?

It's good money.

We need it.

Can't be eating 26 hot dogs every day.

I know.

I told him it was okay for you to go.

All right, hey, look, so here's the first half of your pay.

You're gonna get the rest when the tour's over.

No, I gotta get paid every week.

Sorry. That's not how the record company does it.

We got to have some guarantee you're gonna finish the job.

Why wouldn't I finish the job? I took it, didn't I?

Well, then we got nothing to worry about.

Here's the deal, Mr. Vallelonga.

Okay, it's your job to get Don to all his tour dates on time.

Now, if he misses any shows,

you're not getting your back end.

- He's not gonna miss any show. - Good.

Oh, you're gonna need this.

Now, this is the book I was telling you about.

Now, sometimes you guys are staying in the same hotel,

sometimes you're not.

- Oh, yeah, the... - Yeah, yeah.

All right, don't let me down. Let's go.

Madonne, is this the new one?

Yeah, the record company rented it.

- It's nice, huh? - Beautiful.

So, what'd my sister have to say

about you being gone for three weeks?

Eight weeks.

Ten to one, you slap this moolie out,

you come home in under a month.

- Come here. - All right, boys, huddle up.

- Say good-bye to your father. - Frankie, Nicky. Come here.

All right.

- You gonna be good boys? - Uh-huh.

- You'll listen to your mother? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah? All right, give me a kiss.

I'm counting on youse.

- Don't go too far. - We won't.

- Did you go to the AAA for the maps? - Yes.

No. I mean, the record companies gave me the maps

and the itinerary, and this thing.

The Negro Motorist's Green Book.

Yeah, it lists all the places coloreds can stay down south.

Like a... you know, traveling while black.

- "Traveling while black"? - Yeah, if you're black

and you gotta travel, for some reason.

- Got a special book for that? - I guess.

- Did you pack the iron? - I ain't lugging no iron, Dee.

- Come on. - How are you gonna press your pants, Tony?

I'll put 'em under the mattress.

I want you to write me a letter.

- Every chance you get. - I can't write letters.

Yes, you can.

- I can't write. - Take you five minutes.

- Promise me. - It's embarrassing.

It ain't gonna be no good.

It's a lot cheaper than calling long-distance, Tony.

Promise me you're gonna write.

I promise.

Dee, put this in a bank today.

It's half my pay.

Oh. Here. There's a couple of sandwiches

for you and Dr. Shirley.

Thanks.

Be careful.

- I will. - I love you.

I love you, too, baby.

You better be home for Christmas,

or don't come home at all.

I got it, Pop. I got it.

♪ I got a letter from my baby

♪ Mailman brought it today

♪ She said she's so sorry

♪ Uh, that she went away

♪ She said, "Daddy, don't worry ♪

♪ "Because it won't be long

♪ Hey, before I'll be back home" ♪

♪ Oh, yeah...

Hey.

I'm Tony.

His driver.

Bum a smoke?

Thanks.

So, you're the band?

Oleg. Cello.

George. Bass.

And we're not a band. We're a trio.

Oh. Trio. Right.

Good morning. Excuse me.

Morning.

Thank you, Amit.

Have a wonderful trip, sir.

♪ Good-bye, ie, ie

♪ Ie, ie, ie, ie, ie

♪ Ie, ie, ie

♪ My love

♪ Good-bye

♪ Ie, ie, ie, ie, ie

♪ Ie, ie, ie

♪ Good-bye

♪ My lover

♪ Though I love you truly...

Tony, the first thing

I'd like you to do when we arrive in the city...

- Hmm? - ...is check the piano where I'm playing.

Make sure it's a Steinway as per my contract.

♪ Good-bye, my lover...

And can you see to it that there's a bottle of Cutty Sark

in my room every night?

Every night?

Well, if you ever need any help with that...

I won't.

Ten and two on the wheel, please.

♪ My lover...

Hey, Doc.

I noticed on the itinerary thing,

the last show's on the 23rd of December, right?

Birmingham, yes. It's a Christmas show.

So, any way we could, uh, maybe hit the road early next morning

so we'd be home in time for Christmas Eve?

We'll see.

Appreciate it.

Could you put out the cigarette, please?

Why?

I can't breathe back here.

What are you talking about?

Smoke's going in my lungs; I'm doing all the work here.

Thank you.

♪ Can plainly see

♪ And I know

♪ I'm the one

♪ You really love...

♪ Your ruby lips

♪ Your lovely eyes

♪ Made my life romantic

♪ When you took advantage of me... ♪

♪ Now I see

What are you looking at?

♪ That you're the only one for me... ♪

You speak German, huh?

That was Russian.

Yeah, I was stationed in Germany in the Army.

I could pick up a little bit of what you were saying there.

Watch out for them krauts.

They're all sneaks.

Kennedy should've bombed them when he had the chance.

Plus, now them Cuban bastards.

Ain't they supposed to be following us?

They have the itinerary.

As long as they get to the show on time,

I'm not worried about it, and neither should you.

I ain't worried about nothing.

In fact, when you see me worried, you'll know.

- Tony... - You'll know if I'm worried.

How about some quiet time?

- Hmm? - Sure.

♪ Your ruby lips...

It's amazing you said that.

"How about some quiet time?"

Dolores, my wife, used to say that all the time.

Well, not all the time, but you know.

She says it when... when I come home from work sometimes.

You know, she's been with the kids all day,

and she'll say, "Tony, how about some quiet time?"

Exactly like how you said it.

I mean, it's amazing.

How is that?

Salty.

Have you ever considered becoming a food critic?

No. Not really.

Why? Is there money in that?

I'm just saying you have a marvelous way with words

when describing food.

"Salty."

So vivid, one can almost taste it.

Hey, I'm just saying it's salty.

And salt's cheating.

Any cook can make things salty.

To make it taste good without the salt,

with just the other flavors, that's the trick.

I mean, you take the basic ingredients...

We should really get going soon if we expect

to get to Pittsburgh by dinner.

Hmm. Hey, when I was in the Army,

I knew a guy from Pittsburgh.

Except he called it "Titsburgh."

'Cause he said all the women there had huge tits.

That's absurd.

Why would women in Pittsburgh have larger breasts

than, say, women in New York?

Guess we'll find out, huh?

Hey, you know, when you first hired me,

my wife went out and bought one of your records.

The one about the orphans.

Orphans?

Yeah.

Cover had a bunch of kids sitting around a campfire.

Orpheus.

Yeah.

Orpheus in the Underworld.

It's based on a French opera.

And those weren't children on the cover.

Those were demons in the bowels of hell.

No shit.

Must have been naughty kids.

What are... what are you doing?

Gotta take a leak, Doc.

Here? Now?

You want me to piss my pants?

♪ Whatcha gonna do?

- Oh, hey, Doc. - Good afternoon.

Take this for any incidentals we may need.

If you want to buy something, you don't have to ask.

Just keep the receipts, please.

When it runs low, let me know.

Oh. Thanks.

One more thing.

We'll be attending many events before and after the concerts.

Interacting with some of the wealthiest

and most highly educated people in the country.

It is my feeling that your diction,

however charming it may be in the tristate area,

could use some... finessing.

You mean diction... like in what way?

Like in the only way the word is ever used.

- Okay. - Your intonation, inflection,

your choice of words.

Hey, I got my own problems.

Now I gotta worry about what people think

- about the way I talk? - There are simple techniques

I can teach you that are quite effective. I can help you.

I-I don't need no goddamn help. People don't like

the way I talk, they can go take a shit.

The profanity is another issue.

Why are you breaking my balls?

Because you can do better, Mr. Vallelonga.

Which brings me to one more point.

As the guest of honor, I'll be introduced

when entering these intimate events.

You will be introduced as well.

In my humble opinion,

"Vallelonga" may be difficult to pronounce.

So I was thinking...

Valle would be more appropriate.

Tony Valle. Short and sweet.

Eh...

nah.

They got a problem with Vallelonga,

they can call me Tony Lip.

These are genteel people.

"Tony the Lip" may be a little...

worldly for them.

Well, then it's Tony Vallelonga.

All these high-class people, so much smarter than me,

with their intelligence and speaking abilities,

you're telling me they can't pronounce my name?

They don't like it, they can shove it up their ass.

I'll just wait outside.

A sound compromise.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are privileged

to present a great American artist.

He gave his first public performance

at the age of three.

At age 18,

at Arthur Fiedler's invitation,

our guest made his concert debut

with the Boston Pops.

He holds doctorates in psychology, in music

and in the liturgical arts.

And he has performed at the White House twice

in the past 14 months.

He is a true virtuoso.

- And it's a... - "Virtuoso."

- It's a special treat for me... - That's Italian.

Means, uh, means really good.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

the Don Shirley Trio.

A new pair of shoes!

- Hard ten! Lady's friend. - He keeps on winning!

It's your dice. I'm just having a lucky night.

You cheating, brother!

- Tony. - Get him again. Get him again.

- Boss man's calling. - He ain't my boss.

I work for the record company.

Yeah, I work for the record company, too.

Hey, hey, hey! Hey, come on, man.

Hey, give us a chance to win back our loot, huh?

I'm sorry, fellas, duty calls.

- Come on, man. - "Duty calls"?

My man, my duty is to get my money back.

I've been looking for you.

Yeah, sorry. The guys were having a little game.

Next time you need extra money, just ask me.

It's more fun winning it.

And what if you lost?

Grab some cards. I don't lose, Doc.

I don't lose.

So stooping down in the gravel

pitching dice for pocket change makes you a winner?

What are you giving me shit for?

Everybody was doing it.

They didn't have a choice whether to be inside or out.

You did.

Now, wipe off your knees. You have dirt on them.

Dear Dolores: How are you?

I am fine.

"I'm eating real good. Hamburgers, mostly.

"So don't worry about me not eating good.

"I saw Dr. Shirley play the piano tonight.

"He don't play like a colored guy.

"He plays like Liberace, but better.

"He's like a genius, I think.

"When I look at him in the rearview mirror,

"I can tell he's always thinking about stuff

"in his head.

"I guess that's what geniuses do.

"But it don't look fun to be that smart.

I miss you very, very much."

Who is this?

Who?

On the radio.

Little Richard.

Really? That's Little Richard?

Yeah.

Think you could play something like that, Doc?

♪ Lucille...

I don't know. Sounds fairly complicated.

Got that right.

So, where did this "Tony the Lip" moniker come from?

It's not Tony the Lip.

It's Tony Lip. One word.

I got it when I was kid, 'cause my friend said

I was the best bullshit artist in the Bronx.

Why are you smiling?

What do you mean?

It doesn't bother you that your friends,

the people closest to you, consider you a liar?

Who said "liar"?

I said "bullshit artist."

And what's the difference?

'Cause I don't lie. Ever.

I'm just good at talking people into...

you know, doing things they don't want to do.

By bullshitting them.

And you're proud of that?

Well, it got me this job.

♪ Lucille, please don't...

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, take it easy... ♪

Wait a minute. You're full of shit.

You never heard of Chubby Checker?

Of course I've heard of him.

- I've just never heard his music before. - I mean...

But I like this. This is nice.

He's got a silky voice, very smooth.

Yeah, he's terrific.

This is what everybody's dancing to now.

- This stuff... - Eyes on the road, Tony.

♪ Baby, here I am...

You know this song.

I don't think so, no.

How could you not know this music?

Aretha Franklin.

Chubby Checker, Little Richard, Sam Cooke.

I mean, come on, Doc. These are your people.

♪ And it won't be long

♪ No, it won't be long...

Do you want anything? I'm getting a pack of smokes.

No, thank you.

Grabbed the rock and put it in his pocket.

Thank you, Oleg.

Nice turtleneck.

Way to mix it up.

Got you an apple, Doc.

Before we pull out, Tony, we need to have a talk.

Yeah?

Oleg told me what you did.

What'd I do?

You stole a jade stone from the store.

- No, I didn't. - He watched you do it.

I didn't steal no stone.

You picked it up and put it in your pocket.

I picked up a rock off of the ground.

I didn't steal from a box.

Now, why would you pick up a rock off the ground?

I don't know.

'Cause it ain't stealing.

It's just a regular rock.

And why would you want a regular rock?

To have.

For luck, maybe.

A lucky rock.

- Yeah. - Let me see it.

Mm-mm.

Take it back and pay for it.

I told you that kraut was a snake.

Rats me out for something I didn't even do!

Pay for the stone, Tony; you'll feel better.

I feel fine. And I ain't paying for no regular rock

I found in the dirt.

Do not drive, Mr. Vallelonga.

Put it back.

- Feel better? - No.

If you'd like, Tony, I'd happily buy you the stone.

Don't bother. You took all the fun out of it.

Excuse me. Sir.

I'm with the band.

You're all set up.

This isn't the piano, right?

That's it.

It ain't a Steinway.

So what?

Dr. Shirley only plays on Steinway grand pianos.

It's in his written contract.

Who's Dr. Shirley?

Dr. Shirley. The Don Shirley Trio.

They're playing tonight.

Does it really matter?

Yeah, it does. It's in his contract.

Come on, man. Man, these coons

can play on anything you put in front of them.

But it's a piece of shit.

And there's garbage in there.

So take it out.

What'd you say?

You heard me.

Hey. You got two, three hours.

Just get a clean Steinway in here.

Oh, there ain't a Steinway on campus.

Not my problem.

I bet there's not two Steinways

in the whole state of Indiana.

I guess you'd better move your ass, then.

Who you think you're talking to, greaseball?

Dear Dolores:

This morning I had steak and eggs

for breakfast.

The band has been playing at very ritzy joints.

Dr. Shirley and I are getting along pretty good.

But sometimes I think he gets sad,

and that's why he drinks too much.

I never knew how very beautiful this country was.

Now that I'm seeing it, I know.

You won't believe how beautiful nature is.

It is as beautiful as they say.

And the traffic out here in the country is nothing,

which is fine by me.

Right now I'm eating spaghetti and meatballs in a diner

that tastes like ketchup on Chinese noodles.

We are heading down south now.

I will write you another letter when we get down south.

I love you. Your husband, Tony.

P.S. Kiss the kids for me.

Got any family, Doc?

Not really.

Not really? Either you do or you don't.

It's a long story, Tony.

What, we're in a hurry now?

Let's hear it.

I have a brother somewhere.

We used to get together once in a while,

but it got more and more difficult to stay in touch.

Curse of being a musician, I guess.

Always on the road.

Like a carnival worker.

- Hmm. - Or a criminal.

Took quite the toll on my marriage as well.

- You're married? - Was.

June.

Good person.

Terrible grammar, but a kind soul.

You'd quite like her.

June.

Like, uh, like Lassie's mom.

Unfortunately, I couldn't do a husband act

and a concert pianist act.

Couldn't seem to manage both worlds.

Kentucky Fried Chicken.

In Kentucky!

When's that ever gonna happen?

All right!

Hey, you want some?

I'm fine. Thank you, Tony.

All right.

Mmm. I think this is the best Kentucky Fried Chicken

I ever had.

Probably 'cause it's fresher down here, right?

I don't think I've ever met anyone with your appetite.

No. I got the bucket so you could have some.

I've never had fried chicken in my life.

Who you bullshitting?

You people love the fried chicken,

the grits and the collard greens.

I love it, too. Negro cooks used to make it

all the time when I was in the Army.

You have a very narrow assessment of me, Tony.

Yeah, right? I'm good.

No. No, you're not good. You're bad.

I'm saying, just because other Negroes enjoy

certain types of music, it doesn't mean I have to.

- Nor do we all eat the same kind of food. - Whoa.

Wait a minute.

If you said all guineas like pizza

and spaghetti and meatballs, I'm not gonna get insulted.

You're missing the point.

For you to make the assumption that every Negro...

- Hey, you want some or not? - No.

Here. Come on.

- Tell me that don't smell good. - It...

- Huh? - It smells okay.

I prefer not to get grease on my blanket.

Ooh, I'm gonna get grease on my blankey.

Come on, have a piece. It ain't gonna kill you.

- Come on, take it, eat it. - No.

Take it. I'm throwing it in the back.

- You... Don't you dare. - Then you better take it.

How? Do you have plates or utensils?

Eat it with your hands!

- That's how you're supposed to. - I can't do that.

Eat it. Come on. Take it, take it, take it.

I gotta drive. Ten and two on the wheel.

- Come on. Take it, take it, take it. - Tony...

Come on, come on.

There you go.

Huh?

I-I can't do this, Tony.

Eat the goddamn thing!

Jesus.

- What, no good? - Mm.

It just seems...

so un... unsanitary.

Who gives a shit?

Just relax and enjoy it.

You know, my father used to say...

"Whatever you do, do it a hundred percent."

When you work, work. When you laugh, laugh.

When you eat, eat like it's your last meal.

You want another piece?

Here. Have a breast.

Delicious.