Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:51,353 --> 00:00:53,187
Help me get her in the car, Ray!
2
00:00:53,188 --> 00:00:55,023
Okay, but this bitch
heavy as hell, Cuz!
3
00:00:55,024 --> 00:00:56,399
Nigga, get yo' hands off her ass!
4
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,192
Let me finger gangbang
her at least, homie!
5
00:00:58,193 --> 00:01:00,695
- Just help me get it off of her!
- Okay, one finger then!
6
00:01:00,696 --> 00:01:03,698
A'right, but we ain't
goin' inside, homie.
7
00:01:03,699 --> 00:01:05,199
We gonna go around
the emergency loop...
8
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,201
roll her ass out like
we do all the homies...
9
00:01:07,202 --> 00:01:08,703
that get shot in the hood, homie.
10
00:01:08,704 --> 00:01:10,538
Why you snuff her
fine ass anyway, homie?
11
00:01:10,539 --> 00:01:11,748
I wanted to bone, Cuz.
12
00:01:11,749 --> 00:01:13,541
- She was possessed, Ray!
- Possessed?
13
00:01:13,542 --> 00:01:16,210
Possessed like head spinnin'
around vomitin' everywhere?
14
00:01:16,211 --> 00:01:19,380
Or like possessed like Kanye
when you take a picture of him?
15
00:01:19,381 --> 00:01:21,549
Just drive like you
got warrants, please!
16
00:01:21,550 --> 00:01:23,384
Nigga, I do got warrants! Look!
17
00:01:23,385 --> 00:01:25,386
These right here! Jaywalkin'!
18
00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:28,222
For eating grapes in the grocery
store without payin' for 'em!
19
00:01:28,223 --> 00:01:30,058
Shavin' my dog's balls in public.
20
00:01:30,059 --> 00:01:32,143
Drivin' with my hands
off the wheel, Cuz.
21
00:01:32,144 --> 00:01:34,729
I be ghost-drivin' my whip, Cuz.
I like doin' that shit, homie.
22
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:37,648
An altercation with my Moms,
homie, but she provoked me, Cuz!
23
00:01:37,649 --> 00:01:40,026
- Ray-Ray, I think she's waking.
- All right, here! Take this...
24
00:01:40,027 --> 00:01:42,028
and pistol-whip her
with the butt of the gun.
25
00:01:42,029 --> 00:01:43,404
I'm not pistol-whippin'
my girlfriend!
26
00:01:43,405 --> 00:01:46,784
A'right, nigga, well, you drive
and I'll pistol-whip that bitch!
27
00:01:47,326 --> 00:01:50,495
- Kisha, resist!
- But you didn't!
28
00:01:50,496 --> 00:01:53,998
I've seen you for the
bitch that you are, Malcolm.
29
00:01:53,999 --> 00:01:57,168
- What's she talkin' 'bout, homie?
- Booty pirates!
30
00:01:57,169 --> 00:02:00,468
- Nuttin', she's possessed, man.
- S'right, you fucker!
31
00:02:00,547 --> 00:02:03,007
He's a ghost buster!
32
00:02:03,008 --> 00:02:05,259
That sound real suspect
back there, homie.
33
00:02:05,260 --> 00:02:06,594
Was you in juvie, Cuz?
34
00:02:06,595 --> 00:02:09,013
If you don't cry you ain't
no bitch in there, homie.
35
00:02:09,014 --> 00:02:11,766
I didn't cry. Doodles on
they. Joke's on them, Cuz.
36
00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:15,520
By the power vested to me,
that somebody gave me...
37
00:02:15,521 --> 00:02:17,188
while I was locked up...
38
00:02:17,189 --> 00:02:19,482
- Who are you?
- It's Father Williams, homie.
39
00:02:19,483 --> 00:02:21,692
She do a mean impression
of that nigga, Cuz.
40
00:02:21,693 --> 00:02:23,778
I do a mean impression
of The Butler. Check it:
41
00:02:23,779 --> 00:02:26,364
"I'm here for the boss.
I'm here to serve the boss."
42
00:02:26,365 --> 00:02:28,533
- Who are you?
- I'm Forest Whitaker, homie.
43
00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:29,742
From the movie that's
like "The Help" but...
44
00:02:29,743 --> 00:02:31,202
He didn't doo-doo
in the pie, homie.
45
00:02:31,203 --> 00:02:33,704
Ray, I'm not talkin' to you!
I'm talkin' to Kisha. Ray!
46
00:02:33,705 --> 00:02:35,706
Are you gonna let that
bitch choke you out, Cuz?
47
00:02:35,707 --> 00:02:37,174
You a bitch, homie...
48
00:02:38,293 --> 00:02:41,129
- Get the fuck off me!
- Kisha! Kisha!
49
00:02:41,130 --> 00:02:43,131
Shit, she breathed
in my face, homie.
50
00:02:43,132 --> 00:02:44,966
I'll get the bird
flu, it's contagious...
51
00:02:44,967 --> 00:02:46,175
She blacked out, Ray.
52
00:02:46,176 --> 00:02:48,302
Hurry, we don't have much
time! Get us to the hospital.
53
00:02:48,303 --> 00:02:49,303
Hurry!
54
00:02:49,304 --> 00:02:52,057
Ray? Ray?
55
00:02:52,307 --> 00:02:54,104
Oh, shit!
56
00:03:02,317 --> 00:03:03,442
Oh, my God!
57
00:03:03,443 --> 00:03:04,652
Kisha?
58
00:03:04,653 --> 00:03:06,154
Kisha!
59
00:03:09,158 --> 00:03:11,660
Ray? Ray!
60
00:03:14,997 --> 00:03:17,498
It's a good thing I drank
that Hennessy earlier.
61
00:03:17,499 --> 00:03:19,333
I can't feel shit, homie!
62
00:03:19,334 --> 00:03:21,085
- I think Kisha's dead.
- Good!
63
00:03:21,086 --> 00:03:23,133
Let's get the tuck
outta here, homie!
64
00:03:23,297 --> 00:03:26,465
Listen. We were never here.
65
00:03:26,466 --> 00:03:30,011
- I'm with you, Cuz.
- All right. Deuces!
66
00:03:30,012 --> 00:03:32,059
We ghost hunters!
67
00:03:41,315 --> 00:03:43,191
I don't know about
this place, baby.
68
00:03:43,192 --> 00:03:45,318
You've said that about
every house we looked at.
69
00:03:45,319 --> 00:03:47,486
There's just something creepy
about this place, like...
70
00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:49,322
give me the heebie-jeebies...
71
00:03:49,323 --> 00:03:51,073
like somethin' bad
happened in here.
72
00:03:51,074 --> 00:03:53,827
Well, I love it. And I love you.
73
00:03:55,204 --> 00:03:57,163
There you go, bribin'
me with vagina.
74
00:03:57,164 --> 00:03:59,332
- Whatever works.
- Know when I'm weak.
75
00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:01,835
Disgusting.
76
00:04:02,211 --> 00:04:04,003
Oh, it's disgusting
when we do it...
77
00:04:04,004 --> 00:04:05,504
but when you kissing
the whole entire...
78
00:04:05,505 --> 00:04:07,340
sophomore class it's cool, huh?
79
00:04:07,341 --> 00:04:10,009
Gimme that damn
camera, you little gnat!
80
00:04:10,010 --> 00:04:12,511
- Finger. Real creative.
- Cut her some slack.
81
00:04:12,512 --> 00:04:14,096
She's just goin' through a phase.
82
00:04:14,097 --> 00:04:15,681
Yeah, a phase. It's called "whore."
83
00:04:15,682 --> 00:04:18,684
- Look at that. Last a lifetime.
- Malcolm, stop!
84
00:04:18,685 --> 00:04:20,519
No, see, that's a phase.
85
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,064
Looks like he met an
imaginary friend. It's normal.
86
00:04:23,065 --> 00:04:26,192
What you doin' there, buddy?
Wanna help me load some boxes?
87
00:04:26,193 --> 00:04:28,161
- Cool!
- A'right. My man!
88
00:04:29,154 --> 00:04:31,697
- Sorry, Malcolm. I can't.
- Why not?
89
00:04:31,698 --> 00:04:35,451
Tony says, "Aw, hell
no! I ain't yo' slave!"
90
00:04:35,452 --> 00:04:38,621
Is it me or does his
imaginary friend sound black?
91
00:04:38,622 --> 00:04:40,122
Pretty progressive.
92
00:04:40,123 --> 00:04:42,083
Why don't you and
your friend go play?
93
00:04:42,084 --> 00:04:45,087
Okay. That game sounds like fun!
94
00:04:47,297 --> 00:04:49,925
I don't like the
tripping game, Tony.
95
00:04:51,969 --> 00:04:54,136
Look at all that sexy. Come here.
96
00:04:54,137 --> 00:04:57,436
Gimme a kiss. Let's piss
off your forefathers.
97
00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:01,978
Malcolm, it's 2013.
98
00:05:01,979 --> 00:05:04,188
Interracial relationships
are not a big deal anymore.
99
00:05:04,189 --> 00:05:06,274
Yeah, you tell that to the sistas.
100
00:05:06,275 --> 00:05:09,151
You know, they be like,
"Oh, I know he didn't!"
101
00:05:09,152 --> 00:05:12,321
"He did not kiss that
pasty ass white bitch!"
102
00:05:12,322 --> 00:05:12,989
Pasty?
103
00:05:12,990 --> 00:05:15,116
"Yes! Not with them
old thin ass lips.
104
00:05:15,117 --> 00:05:17,618
Look at them, look
like baloney slices!"
105
00:05:17,619 --> 00:05:21,163
"See he spray scrippin' and
it don't make no damn sense."
106
00:05:21,164 --> 00:05:23,499
Come here, Shiloh Junior.
There's my baby boy.
107
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,502
I still can't believe you
named our dog Shiloh Junior.
108
00:05:26,503 --> 00:05:30,172
Well, I was gonna name him
Shiloh ll or Shiloh the Sequel...
109
00:05:30,173 --> 00:05:33,968
but he wouldn't answer to
those, so Shiloh Junior it is.
110
00:05:33,969 --> 00:05:35,970
C'mon! Hey, come on, Shiloh Junior.
111
00:05:35,971 --> 00:05:37,138
Babe, are you gettin' this?
112
00:05:37,139 --> 00:05:39,557
I don't understand your
obsession with cameras.
113
00:05:39,558 --> 00:05:42,143
Hey, you can never have
too many cameras, okay?
114
00:05:42,144 --> 00:05:44,186
Hey, Shiloh! Come on, baby.
115
00:05:44,187 --> 00:05:46,272
You ready to go see your
new house, Shiloh Junior?
116
00:05:46,273 --> 00:05:48,107
Come on, Shiloh
Junior. Shiloh Junior!
117
00:05:48,108 --> 00:05:49,108
Hey, get inside.
118
00:05:49,109 --> 00:05:50,651
Don't make me put
bass in my voice. Hey!
119
00:05:50,652 --> 00:05:51,652
Shiloh!
120
00:05:51,653 --> 00:05:54,030
God, I don't know
what's wrong with him.
121
00:05:58,327 --> 00:05:59,327
Shit! Breathe!
122
00:05:59,328 --> 00:06:01,996
I'm gonna call 9-1-1!
123
00:06:01,997 --> 00:06:04,665
Call 9-1-1. Tell
'em the dog is white!
124
00:06:04,666 --> 00:06:06,167
Tell 'em the dog is white!
125
00:06:06,168 --> 00:06:09,638
Oh, God. I got a pulse.
Breathe! Shiloh, like this...
126
00:06:13,175 --> 00:06:15,803
Fuck! Oh, my back!
Oh my fuckin' back!
127
00:06:16,011 --> 00:06:17,808
Please, help me!
128
00:06:21,683 --> 00:06:24,811
My fuckin' dog is a pancake!
129
00:06:26,021 --> 00:06:27,818
Get me a goddamn pump!
130
00:06:33,945 --> 00:06:35,867
It's working! Come on!
131
00:06:42,287 --> 00:06:44,585
Meet me at the hospital!
132
00:06:45,957 --> 00:06:47,754
The hospital's that way!
133
00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:51,295
So young, never had a
chance to lick his balls.
134
00:06:51,296 --> 00:06:54,173
I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good.
135
00:06:54,174 --> 00:06:56,967
You know, I'm just so happy
I got to spend time with Shi...
136
00:06:56,968 --> 00:07:00,062
It's just every time I try
and say the name Shiii...
137
00:07:07,312 --> 00:07:09,610
Shiloh!
138
00:07:11,316 --> 00:07:14,444
Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God!
139
00:07:14,986 --> 00:07:18,456
It's tingly in... Oh God!
140
00:07:20,659 --> 00:07:22,535
I'm goin' with you! Oh, God!
141
00:07:22,536 --> 00:07:25,130
Time to go, bye-bye.
142
00:07:27,999 --> 00:07:30,467
Shiloh!
143
00:07:36,925 --> 00:07:38,927
Junior.
144
00:07:43,098 --> 00:07:45,433
You could put a whole lot
of birth control in that.
145
00:07:45,434 --> 00:07:47,101
I really hate you.
146
00:07:47,102 --> 00:07:49,730
That's what your daddy said.
That's why the nigga gone.
147
00:07:49,938 --> 00:07:51,272
What've you got there?
148
00:07:51,273 --> 00:07:53,941
An old box that I
found in the basement.
149
00:07:53,942 --> 00:07:56,110
Don't you think we should
return it to the prior owners?
150
00:07:56,111 --> 00:07:59,071
If they wanted it, they would've
taken it in the first place.
151
00:07:59,072 --> 00:08:02,950
Okay, look, Becky,
I'm not your dad.
152
00:08:02,951 --> 00:08:05,619
I'm just the guy
that's like... your mom.
153
00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:08,414
So I'll make you a deal.
I'll let you keep the box...
154
00:08:08,415 --> 00:08:11,625
if you promise to try and make
this work between me and you, okay?
155
00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:14,754
- It's for your mom.
- Fine.
156
00:08:16,965 --> 00:08:19,133
I think we're gettin' somewhere.
157
00:08:19,134 --> 00:08:22,136
- ¿Qué pasa, mi amigo?
- ¿Qué pasó, hombre?
158
00:08:22,137 --> 00:08:24,638
Aqui nomás, me tiene trabajando
como negro. Está cabrón.
159
00:08:24,639 --> 00:08:26,982
No habla español.
160
00:08:29,144 --> 00:08:31,562
I just do that when I'm talkin'
to negritos. It's all good.
161
00:08:31,563 --> 00:08:33,606
- Did he just call me a nigger?
- What's goin' on, bro?
162
00:08:33,607 --> 00:08:35,441
We just moved in with
my girl right here...
163
00:08:35,442 --> 00:08:38,110
and we was just wonderin' maybe if
you want to add us to your route?
164
00:08:38,111 --> 00:08:40,112
Are you serious? Dude,
I live here, puto!
165
00:08:40,113 --> 00:08:42,615
- It's my house!
- Oh shit! I'm sorry.
166
00:08:42,616 --> 00:08:45,117
I just assumed... you got
the gloves and the hat...
167
00:08:45,118 --> 00:08:47,286
and the lawnmower and the truck.
168
00:08:47,287 --> 00:08:49,622
'Cause I'm Mexican I must be Jose!
169
00:08:49,623 --> 00:08:50,623
Are you?
170
00:08:50,624 --> 00:08:53,125
- No, fool! My name is Miguel!
- Is that your truck?
171
00:08:53,126 --> 00:08:55,628
- Yeah, that's my truck!
- Then who's Jose?
172
00:08:55,629 --> 00:08:57,963
That's my middle name. You
wanna guess my last name?
173
00:08:57,964 --> 00:09:00,007
You guys are here,
you might as well.
174
00:09:00,008 --> 00:09:01,342
I don't know. Rodriguez?
175
00:09:01,343 --> 00:09:03,302
- That's racist, bro.
- You asked...
176
00:09:03,303 --> 00:09:05,971
- Did he ask me or what?
- I'm just fuckin' with you!
177
00:09:05,972 --> 00:09:08,974
For the record, my
name is Miguel Jose...
178
00:09:08,975 --> 00:09:12,061
Jesús González... Smith.
179
00:09:12,062 --> 00:09:15,564
Wait, wait, wait. Your
last name is Smith?
180
00:09:15,565 --> 00:09:18,113
Yeah, I'm Mexican on my mom's side.
181
00:09:18,193 --> 00:09:21,654
So, why is there
González on your truck?
182
00:09:21,655 --> 00:09:24,490
Shit, would you trust your
garden to a guy named Smith?
183
00:09:24,491 --> 00:09:27,368
True. True. Hey, my
name is Malcolm, bro.
184
00:09:27,369 --> 00:09:30,996
- I bet your last name is Johnson.
- See, that's some racist shit!
185
00:09:30,997 --> 00:09:33,545
- Am I right?
- But you're right!
186
00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:36,085
Nice to meet you, man.
187
00:09:36,086 --> 00:09:37,920
Yeah, it's a pleasure meeting you!
188
00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:39,421
I can cut your grass on Tuesdays.
189
00:09:39,422 --> 00:09:42,050
What can I say, I'm a
gardener by ethnic default.
190
00:09:42,592 --> 00:09:45,845
Be good, negrito! Watch out, guera!
191
00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:49,265
What? You gonna try
and tease a brother?
192
00:09:49,266 --> 00:09:51,475
That's a invite? Come
here, let's do the quickie.
193
00:09:51,476 --> 00:09:53,102
One, two, I'm done.
194
00:09:53,103 --> 00:09:56,522
- What's that?
- What? Oh! That's Abigail.
195
00:09:56,523 --> 00:09:59,233
I found her in the
wardrobe that was left here.
196
00:09:59,234 --> 00:10:00,943
Well, put it back. Hey, stop!
197
00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:01,944
She's creepy!
198
00:10:01,945 --> 00:10:04,405
- We look alike.
- Yeah, same eyes and pigtails.
199
00:10:04,406 --> 00:10:06,783
Wait, no, no, don't
put it on the bed!
200
00:10:19,963 --> 00:10:22,636
How you doin'?
201
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:25,634
Oh, you ain't gonna
say nothin', huh?
202
00:10:25,635 --> 00:10:28,103
So... Girl you stupid.
203
00:10:28,638 --> 00:10:30,973
You don't want none
of this? Come here.
204
00:10:30,974 --> 00:10:33,943
I can't play with it but you can.
205
00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:38,689
Oh, you gonna bite
my lip? Take that!
206
00:10:38,690 --> 00:10:42,401
You fuckin' like this!
It was gonna come.
207
00:10:42,402 --> 00:10:44,495
It was gonna come!
208
00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:49,959
Just wanna put the tip in. I'm
gonna put the tip in a minute...
209
00:10:54,331 --> 00:10:55,957
Look at that.
210
00:10:58,293 --> 00:10:59,501
You got that goody.
211
00:10:59,502 --> 00:11:02,130
Bite the pillow, bite
that fuckin' pillow.
212
00:11:05,342 --> 00:11:08,344
You gonna eat my
butt now. Oh, shit!
213
00:11:08,345 --> 00:11:12,475
Nigga... she... she lickin' that.
214
00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:16,185
Oh, you taste like
doo-doo. But I love it!
215
00:11:16,186 --> 00:11:18,020
You on the pill? I don't
wanna get you pregnant.
216
00:11:18,021 --> 00:11:19,355
You wanna little doll babies?
217
00:11:19,356 --> 00:11:20,689
They gonna have my
eyes or yo' eyes...
218
00:11:20,690 --> 00:11:22,988
You gonna give me splinters!
219
00:11:25,195 --> 00:11:27,948
Fuck this shit, man. I wanna cry!
220
00:11:34,329 --> 00:11:36,497
Don't look. Don't
look. Hold on a second.
221
00:11:36,498 --> 00:11:41,001
This side is wet with
soap, this one is dry.
222
00:11:41,002 --> 00:11:42,503
I'll clean you up, baby.
223
00:11:42,504 --> 00:11:44,004
I mighta leaked in you.
224
00:11:44,005 --> 00:11:46,006
I don't know if I came,
I leaked a little bit.
225
00:11:46,007 --> 00:11:48,676
That's a'right. You
ain't even ovulatin'.
226
00:11:48,677 --> 00:11:51,145
Why you trippin'?
Come on, stop worrying.
227
00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:59,646
- Honey, we're home!
- Shit! You gotta go!
228
00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:02,356
- Shit! No!
- Malcolm!
229
00:12:02,357 --> 00:12:06,360
- Hi, honey!
- Honey, where are you?
230
00:12:06,361 --> 00:12:08,529
You gotta go! We...
I'm just upstairs!
231
00:12:08,530 --> 00:12:10,156
You gotta get outta here.
232
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:17,371
Fuck!
233
00:12:17,372 --> 00:12:18,839
Shit!
234
00:12:28,383 --> 00:12:30,556
"Hanging Out".
235
00:12:31,594 --> 00:12:35,849
Sounds a little soft for
my taste, but... fuck it.
236
00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:44,110
Yeah, I don't think this is right.
237
00:12:44,315 --> 00:12:46,783
Maybe I should download the manual.
238
00:13:22,687 --> 00:13:26,657
I seen some shit,
but that was crazy!
239
00:13:27,192 --> 00:13:31,028
A demonic figure tried to
hang a family in the backyard.
240
00:13:31,029 --> 00:13:33,280
I gotta keep this from
Megan and the kids.
241
00:13:33,281 --> 00:13:35,282
Is it weird that I
was aroused by this?
242
00:13:35,283 --> 00:13:37,785
Why is my dick bending in my jeans?
243
00:13:45,293 --> 00:13:46,794
Hello?
244
00:13:47,462 --> 00:13:48,462
Hello?
245
00:13:48,463 --> 00:13:52,633
- Twinkle little star...
- Who is this? Hello!
246
00:13:52,634 --> 00:13:54,226
It's the Devil!
247
00:14:03,978 --> 00:14:06,146
That's a ugly motherfucker.
248
00:14:06,147 --> 00:14:08,524
Is that Steven Tyler?
249
00:14:11,986 --> 00:14:14,488
What the hell? Same tree!
250
00:14:17,659 --> 00:14:20,662
Shit! Kisha?
251
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,334
Baby, what you doin'!
252
00:14:27,335 --> 00:14:29,336
I almost dumped the fuck out you!
253
00:14:29,337 --> 00:14:31,004
You got to holler at me!
254
00:14:31,005 --> 00:14:32,506
You can't just be walkin' up.
255
00:14:32,507 --> 00:14:34,967
You gotta give me like
a "whoop-ti-whoo"...
256
00:14:34,968 --> 00:14:36,635
a "kakow!" or a "tsh-tsh"!
257
00:14:36,636 --> 00:14:38,971
Just make your own up.
Please announce yourself!
258
00:14:38,972 --> 00:14:41,850
Honey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
259
00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:43,350
I think I did.
260
00:14:43,351 --> 00:14:46,645
Wait. So now I look like a ghost.
261
00:14:46,646 --> 00:14:48,146
Excuse me, where
you goin' with this?
262
00:14:48,147 --> 00:14:50,315
So now I'm too pasty for you?
263
00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:52,192
I can't do anything about that!
264
00:14:52,193 --> 00:14:54,653
Unless you want me to get
skin cancer from the sun.
265
00:14:54,654 --> 00:14:56,321
And what, deep nasty wrinkles...
266
00:14:56,322 --> 00:14:57,489
and then they'll have
to give me chemo...
267
00:14:57,490 --> 00:14:59,324
and I'll lose all my hair,
and then I'll look like...
268
00:14:59,325 --> 00:15:01,159
a nasty bald raisin!
Is that what you want?
269
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,452
Is that what you want?
270
00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:04,329
I don't want you to
look like a raisin!
271
00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:06,999
I don't like to date raisins,
I don't like the raisins...
272
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,458
on Morgan Freeman's face!
273
00:15:08,459 --> 00:15:10,711
I don't like the new
ones that Obama got...
274
00:15:10,712 --> 00:15:12,671
the young raisins on his face!
275
00:15:12,672 --> 00:15:17,175
I don't like raisins. So
please, don't look like a raisin.
276
00:15:17,176 --> 00:15:21,931
I need to go meditate and
get my chi back in alignment.
277
00:15:22,015 --> 00:15:23,983
What chi? It was just...
278
00:15:35,278 --> 00:15:38,113
- Walk to the light!
- It's bedtime.
279
00:15:38,114 --> 00:15:40,449
What you all dressed up
for? We goin' to a club?
280
00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:43,285
Formal party? We
goin' to a Pajama Jam?
281
00:15:43,286 --> 00:15:45,078
- Just bed.
- Come on, Megan.
282
00:15:45,079 --> 00:15:47,456
You gotta be more comfortable
with this relationship...
283
00:15:47,457 --> 00:15:48,373
You're right.
284
00:15:48,374 --> 00:15:50,250
Put on some sweat pants and some...
285
00:15:50,251 --> 00:15:54,129
Oh, my Jesus Lord! You're naked!
286
00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:57,132
I am. I like being naked, though.
287
00:15:57,133 --> 00:15:59,134
I could be naked all day.
288
00:15:59,135 --> 00:16:02,471
All day? But come on,
that's not practical, hon.
289
00:16:02,472 --> 00:16:03,722
You got a job.
290
00:16:03,723 --> 00:16:06,975
You don't wanna be on the bus
naked or in Starbucks naked.
291
00:16:06,976 --> 00:16:07,643
Why not?
292
00:16:07,644 --> 00:16:09,645
'Cause that coffee
spill on you, it's hot!
293
00:16:09,646 --> 00:16:11,229
It's gonna leave a scar.
294
00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:13,778
Melt one of your
nipples off or somethin'.
295
00:16:13,983 --> 00:16:16,151
The camera's on, baby.
296
00:16:16,152 --> 00:16:19,747
Good. Just make sure
you film my good side.
297
00:16:19,989 --> 00:16:23,492
What the fuck? Are you serious?
298
00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:25,285
We gonna get all angles on that...
299
00:16:25,286 --> 00:16:26,745
Oh, shit.
300
00:16:26,746 --> 00:16:29,665
Baby, your creepy doll
is makin' my dick scared.
301
00:16:29,666 --> 00:16:31,500
Just let her watch.
302
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:34,754
You just said the right
type of nasty shit!
303
00:16:38,299 --> 00:16:41,769
Oh, God! I gotta
replenish my fluids.
304
00:16:43,972 --> 00:16:45,940
After round two.
305
00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:54,147
- That was wild.
- Come here, Malcolm.
306
00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:56,867
What, aren't you done yet?
307
00:17:00,989 --> 00:17:03,490
I am now. Ready for round three?
308
00:17:03,491 --> 00:17:04,708
Seriously...
309
00:17:08,997 --> 00:17:11,289
No más. No más. Oh, my God!
310
00:17:11,290 --> 00:17:13,667
Baby, you gotta train
for some shit like this!
311
00:17:13,668 --> 00:17:16,670
Come on, Malcolm, bell's
ringing. Time for round four.
312
00:17:16,671 --> 00:17:19,006
No, no, baby. My ding-ding's
knocked out cold.
313
00:17:19,007 --> 00:17:21,508
I can't do it. Corner's
throwin' in the towel!
314
00:17:21,509 --> 00:17:22,718
Let's go, Malcolm.
315
00:17:22,719 --> 00:17:25,972
I gotta get some Enswell if
we keep goin'! Wait, no, baby!
316
00:17:28,349 --> 00:17:32,479
Right now she is
tearin' me up! My God!
317
00:17:34,939 --> 00:17:37,567
Want me to choke you?
Is that what you like?
318
00:17:37,608 --> 00:17:39,276
Stop being a bitch!
319
00:17:39,277 --> 00:17:42,747
Yeah! Come on! Oh,
you want some of this?
320
00:17:43,448 --> 00:17:45,615
You like that? It's
kinda like a blindfold...
321
00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:47,834
except you can't fuckin' breathe!
322
00:17:47,952 --> 00:17:50,620
- Feel like you're dyin'?
- Thing just moved!
323
00:17:50,621 --> 00:17:52,622
Except you can't fuckin' breathe!
324
00:17:52,623 --> 00:17:54,841
Thing was watching!
325
00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:56,426
You little...
326
00:17:56,961 --> 00:17:58,336
Who was watching?
327
00:17:58,337 --> 00:18:00,589
Oh, baby, come
here. Check this out!
328
00:18:01,174 --> 00:18:03,508
- Oh, my God!
- Did you see it?
329
00:18:03,509 --> 00:18:06,386
- How could I not?
- I thought I was trippin'!
330
00:18:06,387 --> 00:18:08,388
I am so fat! Look at me!
331
00:18:08,389 --> 00:18:10,390
I look like a huge blubber ass!
332
00:18:10,391 --> 00:18:13,226
- I'm like Miss Piggy in there!
- What're you talking about?
333
00:18:13,227 --> 00:18:15,312
You were gonna shoot my good side.
334
00:18:15,313 --> 00:18:18,106
I did shoot your good side.
Look, I got all that ass up in...
335
00:18:18,107 --> 00:18:19,566
Look at all that ass, girl.
336
00:18:19,567 --> 00:18:21,735
I'm black, brothers like an ass.
337
00:18:21,736 --> 00:18:24,785
You know I do mean that
as a compliment, right?
338
00:18:24,989 --> 00:18:26,406
I see what's going on.
339
00:18:26,407 --> 00:18:28,992
You hate my vagina! You
think it's too loose!
340
00:18:28,993 --> 00:18:30,494
It's not! It's only
on the outside...
341
00:18:30,495 --> 00:18:32,579
but once you choose a wall,
it's pretty damn tight.
342
00:18:32,580 --> 00:18:34,456
You know what, Malcolm,
I have had two kids!
343
00:18:34,457 --> 00:18:37,584
I mean, do you think the stork just
dropped 'em off on the doorstep?
344
00:18:37,585 --> 00:18:40,087
No! You're knocked
up for nine months...
345
00:18:40,088 --> 00:18:42,255
and then your lady parts
are stretched to limits...
346
00:18:42,256 --> 00:18:44,925
you cannot even fathom!
347
00:18:44,926 --> 00:18:47,260
Okay, baby. I think
your vagina's cute.
348
00:18:47,261 --> 00:18:50,138
Erase the tape or we are
never having sex again.
349
00:18:50,139 --> 00:18:52,933
- Well, since you put it that way.
- Erase the tape!
350
00:18:52,934 --> 00:18:55,102
- Okay, I'm erasin' the tape!
- I want to see you do it.
351
00:18:55,103 --> 00:18:57,437
- I'm erasing the tape.
- Erase it right now! Do it!
352
00:18:57,438 --> 00:19:00,982
- Baby, I like the way your vagina...
- Erase the tape!
353
00:19:00,983 --> 00:19:03,110
It's not loose! I
like the way it sounds!
354
00:19:03,111 --> 00:19:05,113
Sound like it was
blowin' speakers. It's...
355
00:19:05,947 --> 00:19:08,791
You know, it's kinda
like W. Ferse's bebop!
356
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:21,128
Who the hell's hittin' me? Abigail?
357
00:19:21,129 --> 00:19:23,131
You got a page?
358
00:19:23,297 --> 00:19:26,133
"In a relationship
with Malcolm Johnson"?
359
00:19:26,134 --> 00:19:29,302
I only hit it once!
360
00:19:29,303 --> 00:19:31,646
What in the hell?
361
00:19:32,265 --> 00:19:34,683
I think I might've
fucked the wrong bitch.
362
00:19:34,684 --> 00:19:37,269
Now she's blowin' up my cell phone?
363
00:19:37,270 --> 00:19:38,436
Look at that.
364
00:19:38,437 --> 00:19:42,908
Straight up stalker! She's crazy!
365
00:19:43,609 --> 00:19:45,986
Listen, it's time to turn
my camera game up a level.
366
00:19:45,987 --> 00:19:49,197
I'm talkin' bathrooms,
countertops, computers...
367
00:19:49,198 --> 00:19:52,033
stuffed animals, mouths and asses!
368
00:19:52,034 --> 00:19:55,754
It's goin' down
everywhere! I'm live.
369
00:19:56,289 --> 00:20:00,544
Kitchen? Oh, yeah, I see you.
370
00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:04,963
Perfect. Yeah, and
I got the ass, too.
371
00:20:04,964 --> 00:20:07,592
All inconspicuous.
372
00:20:08,968 --> 00:20:12,096
Told you, cameras everywhere.
373
00:20:12,972 --> 00:20:14,431
Hey, Becky, wanna
play Hide and Clap?
374
00:20:14,432 --> 00:20:16,104
Fuck off!
375
00:20:16,184 --> 00:20:17,475
That's, "No, thank you."
376
00:20:17,476 --> 00:20:19,978
Let's do this. Ah,
lady's blindfold.
377
00:20:19,979 --> 00:20:22,147
You got this out your
momma's room, right?
378
00:20:22,148 --> 00:20:22,981
Oh, boy.
379
00:20:22,982 --> 00:20:24,983
Things me and your
momma do with this!
380
00:20:24,984 --> 00:20:26,985
Sometimes she tie my
hands and flip me over...
381
00:20:26,986 --> 00:20:29,154
and toss that... salad.
382
00:20:29,155 --> 00:20:31,323
- Tony likes salad.
- Anyway.
383
00:20:31,324 --> 00:20:34,202
I'll put this on. Let's do it!
384
00:20:34,243 --> 00:20:38,580
One, two, three. First clap!
385
00:20:38,581 --> 00:20:42,631
Come on. Come on. Gimme a clap.
386
00:20:42,752 --> 00:20:45,670
Yeah, I'm gettin' close.
387
00:20:45,671 --> 00:20:47,672
I smell you. I smell you.
388
00:20:47,673 --> 00:20:52,010
You smell like kids, like
worms, coins and doo-doo. Like...
389
00:20:52,011 --> 00:20:53,478
Shit!
390
00:20:56,349 --> 00:20:59,309
Can we just play Tag next
time? I just wanna play Tag.
391
00:20:59,310 --> 00:21:02,654
Wyatt? Wyatt?
392
00:21:02,688 --> 00:21:05,156
Where you at, you little shit?
393
00:21:11,697 --> 00:21:13,164
Third clap.
394
00:21:19,705 --> 00:21:22,549
I got you, Wyatt.
395
00:21:24,210 --> 00:21:26,711
I win! You took your blindfold off.
396
00:21:26,712 --> 00:21:29,047
You're right, Tony.
Malcolm is an idiot.
397
00:21:29,048 --> 00:21:31,549
Take your camera, loser.
398
00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:34,929
Yeah, I wanna learn
how to start a fire.
399
00:21:36,472 --> 00:21:39,725
What the... hell was that?
400
00:21:40,309 --> 00:21:42,106
I coulda swore...
401
00:21:46,315 --> 00:21:47,862
Shit!
402
00:21:48,317 --> 00:21:50,444
Fucked you up!
403
00:21:52,488 --> 00:21:56,117
Fuck, are you crazy!
Who the fuck are you!
404
00:21:56,158 --> 00:21:59,035
- Malcolm! Oh my God!
- Baby?
405
00:21:59,036 --> 00:22:01,329
You can't be jumpin' out
on brothers like that.
406
00:22:01,330 --> 00:22:03,331
You'll get knocked the
fuck out every time.
407
00:22:03,332 --> 00:22:05,625
- It was supposed to be a joke!
- You okay?
408
00:22:05,626 --> 00:22:07,335
'Cause I fucked you up!
409
00:22:07,336 --> 00:22:10,005
Like, I hit you with the
force, like with the follow-up.
410
00:22:10,006 --> 00:22:12,215
I wanna ask they
replay that shit. Damn!
411
00:22:12,216 --> 00:22:14,639
'Cause you got
froze. You went, "Oh!"
412
00:22:23,019 --> 00:22:25,021
"Please help me."
413
00:22:26,022 --> 00:22:28,650
God, I hope this works.
414
00:22:30,192 --> 00:22:32,615
What is that thing?
415
00:22:34,655 --> 00:22:36,998
That is not human.
416
00:22:49,503 --> 00:22:51,596
That was weird.
417
00:23:05,019 --> 00:23:06,486
Damn.
418
00:23:25,039 --> 00:23:27,707
- I caught yo' ass!
- No, you didn't.
419
00:23:27,708 --> 00:23:29,505
Bullshit!
420
00:23:40,971 --> 00:23:43,723
Becky...
421
00:23:43,724 --> 00:23:45,975
It's your box.
422
00:23:45,976 --> 00:23:47,185
What?
423
00:23:47,186 --> 00:23:51,611
I want you to touch me.
424
00:23:54,318 --> 00:23:56,035
Okay.
425
00:23:59,990 --> 00:24:02,913
Not that box.
426
00:24:08,749 --> 00:24:10,500
You know I love you
and those kids, right?
427
00:24:10,501 --> 00:24:13,336
I'm gonna do everything in my
power to keep you guys protected.
428
00:24:13,337 --> 00:24:14,463
Yeah.
429
00:24:17,007 --> 00:24:19,475
- What was that?
- What?
430
00:24:21,011 --> 00:24:23,513
- That!
- The wind?
431
00:24:23,514 --> 00:24:27,267
Nigga, the windows
are closed! Okay?
432
00:24:27,268 --> 00:24:29,686
I'm tellin' you, that was
either a ghost or a demon.
433
00:24:29,687 --> 00:24:32,610
Or maybe it was a demon
pregnant with a ghost.
434
00:24:33,524 --> 00:24:35,942
Oh, this is cute!
435
00:24:35,943 --> 00:24:40,573
I'm gonna so wear this,
all day, every day.
436
00:24:40,948 --> 00:24:42,449
What if it's a burglar?
437
00:24:42,450 --> 00:24:44,951
Why the fuck are you
excited? It's a burglar!
438
00:24:44,952 --> 00:24:47,120
Either way it goes,
it's some scary shit!
439
00:24:47,121 --> 00:24:49,080
Okay, not all burglars are scary.
440
00:24:49,081 --> 00:24:52,375
- It is a burglar or a ghost!
- If you talk to him, he'll leave.
441
00:24:52,376 --> 00:24:54,586
- You shoot it in the face!
- You've talked to him already.
442
00:24:54,587 --> 00:24:56,129
If the motherfucker's
foot do this...
443
00:24:56,130 --> 00:24:58,506
- ...you shoot him in the face again!
- That is way too harsh.
444
00:24:58,507 --> 00:24:59,757
What're you gonna do?
445
00:24:59,758 --> 00:25:02,177
- I'll handle it.
- What're you gonna do?
446
00:25:02,178 --> 00:25:03,178
Shoot him.
447
00:25:03,179 --> 00:25:06,432
You are not allowed to shoot
anyone in the face, mister!
448
00:25:16,317 --> 00:25:17,943
Becky?
449
00:25:19,111 --> 00:25:21,529
What in the...? Becky! Oh, God!
450
00:25:21,530 --> 00:25:23,990
Becky! Becky!
451
00:25:23,991 --> 00:25:25,658
Becky! Oh, my God!
452
00:25:25,659 --> 00:25:30,505
- Get me somethin', Megan! Becky!
- Here's the fly swatter!
453
00:25:36,962 --> 00:25:39,964
That's just gross. That
fuckin' sound, it bothers me.
454
00:25:39,965 --> 00:25:41,762
- Use this!
- Gimme!
455
00:25:48,974 --> 00:25:50,942
- Here's what I got!
- Gimme!
456
00:25:54,980 --> 00:25:57,482
Get that thing outta
here! I got an idea!
457
00:25:57,483 --> 00:26:00,735
Come on! Bitch, why
ain't you movin'?
458
00:26:00,736 --> 00:26:02,112
Fuck!
459
00:26:02,279 --> 00:26:04,998
See, now this is a good idea.
460
00:26:05,991 --> 00:26:08,118
A'right. G'night, Becky.
461
00:26:09,161 --> 00:26:10,878
Night, sweetheart.
462
00:26:16,168 --> 00:26:19,087
- Hey, buddy, what you doin'?
- Havin' a tea party.
463
00:26:19,088 --> 00:26:22,423
You wanna go outside and do
somethin' a little more masculine?
464
00:26:22,424 --> 00:26:26,519
- Like play some football?
- No, not really.
465
00:26:28,180 --> 00:26:30,431
Don't sit there!
That's Tony's seat!
466
00:26:30,432 --> 00:26:32,225
Oh, sorry.
467
00:26:32,226 --> 00:26:34,185
My bad, Tony.
468
00:26:34,186 --> 00:26:38,907
Tony says, "No problem,
bee-yotch." Want some tea?
469
00:26:39,942 --> 00:26:41,910
Yeah.... sure.
470
00:26:42,278 --> 00:26:47,579
You know, Wyatt, about
your little buddy Tony...
471
00:26:47,950 --> 00:26:50,285
I don't think he's such
a good influence on you...
472
00:26:50,286 --> 00:26:52,083
know what I mean?
473
00:26:54,540 --> 00:26:59,420
- What the...? That's straight vodka!
- Tony calls it tea.
474
00:26:59,962 --> 00:27:02,422
He drinks a lot of tea.
475
00:27:02,423 --> 00:27:05,300
I really think you guys
need to stop this friendship.
476
00:27:05,301 --> 00:27:07,468
He doesn't think
that's such a good idea.
477
00:27:07,469 --> 00:27:09,554
You know what, you tell Tony...
478
00:27:09,555 --> 00:27:12,265
that I said you and him ain't
gonna be friends no more...
479
00:27:12,266 --> 00:27:14,439
and that's final!
480
00:27:16,145 --> 00:27:19,981
On second thought, you and Tony
have a beautiful friendship.
481
00:27:19,982 --> 00:27:22,191
Okay, I'll be downstairs
doin' somethin'...
482
00:27:22,192 --> 00:27:23,784
With less fuckin' chairs.
483
00:27:24,153 --> 00:27:27,614
This isn't good.
It's happening again.
484
00:27:27,615 --> 00:27:29,913
It's really fuckin' happening.
485
00:27:31,327 --> 00:27:33,079
What the fuck?
486
00:27:35,039 --> 00:27:36,756
Who is it?
487
00:27:45,466 --> 00:27:46,933
Hello?
488
00:27:48,969 --> 00:27:50,937
That's a spooky knock.
489
00:27:52,973 --> 00:27:54,474
Oh, you better run!
490
00:27:54,475 --> 00:27:57,194
Knock on my door, come
out there and slap you...
491
00:27:57,728 --> 00:27:59,445
What the fuck!
492
00:27:59,980 --> 00:28:01,948
I got a knife!
493
00:28:13,994 --> 00:28:16,838
"Miss Me?" Abigail!
494
00:28:20,751 --> 00:28:23,503
Aw, hell no! Look, we gotta talk.
495
00:28:23,504 --> 00:28:26,339
This is a mistake, okay?
This shit gotta stop.
496
00:28:26,340 --> 00:28:27,548
It's gone too far.
497
00:28:27,549 --> 00:28:29,676
You see this? "Miss me"?
498
00:28:29,677 --> 00:28:32,095
In the house with Megan,
are you fuckin' crazy?
499
00:28:32,096 --> 00:28:36,015
I take full responsibility,
all right? This is my bad.
500
00:28:36,016 --> 00:28:39,060
I don't mean to sound
clichéd. It's not you, it's me.
501
00:28:39,061 --> 00:28:42,355
Don't play fuckin' innocent
with me, you knew I had a girl!
502
00:28:42,356 --> 00:28:44,315
I'm just bein' selfish right now.
503
00:28:44,316 --> 00:28:46,275
I would love to have
you and Megan and...
504
00:28:46,276 --> 00:28:48,444
be honest with you,
my stuffed animals.
505
00:28:48,445 --> 00:28:50,405
I'd like to bring them in the mix.
506
00:28:50,406 --> 00:28:53,750
I'm tryin' to make this work.
You're just not makin' it easy.
507
00:28:54,201 --> 00:28:57,420
I swear to... Fuck!
508
00:28:59,164 --> 00:29:02,166
You see what you made me
do? Only you do this to me!
509
00:29:02,167 --> 00:29:03,459
Fuckin' crazy!
510
00:29:03,460 --> 00:29:06,884
Oh, you lucky my momma
told me, don't hit bitches!
511
00:29:12,636 --> 00:29:14,103
Enough.
512
00:29:15,973 --> 00:29:17,640
Fuck, you scare...
513
00:29:17,641 --> 00:29:19,642
I didn't touch you!
I didn't touch you!
514
00:29:19,643 --> 00:29:22,771
You get outta my life, I'll
get outta yours. I'm done.
515
00:29:28,986 --> 00:29:30,612
Make no mistake...
516
00:29:30,738 --> 00:29:34,082
after this, it's over.
517
00:29:34,241 --> 00:29:36,743
You ready to go again? Yeah.
518
00:29:42,249 --> 00:29:45,918
- Hello, Malcolm?
- Professor Wilde. How you doin'?
519
00:29:45,919 --> 00:29:47,628
Malcolm, I'm glad you reached out.
520
00:29:47,629 --> 00:29:49,422
What exactly am I
dealing with here?
521
00:29:49,423 --> 00:29:53,176
Well, the being you
described to me is a demon!
522
00:29:53,177 --> 00:29:54,260
Fuck, I knew it!
523
00:29:54,261 --> 00:29:57,597
A rare and obscure one
from Babylonian times...
524
00:29:57,598 --> 00:30:00,933
named Ahghoul. And
he's a trickster!
525
00:30:00,934 --> 00:30:04,437
And chances are this is not your
first encounter with this demon.
526
00:30:04,438 --> 00:30:07,273
Have you had paranormal
experiences in your past?
527
00:30:07,274 --> 00:30:09,609
Actually, yeah. About a year ago.
528
00:30:09,610 --> 00:30:12,954
This is way worse
than I had thought...
529
00:30:14,281 --> 00:30:17,125
- Oh, shit!
- Fuck!
530
00:30:18,619 --> 00:30:20,620
Nigga, I thought
somebody was shootin'!
531
00:30:20,621 --> 00:30:21,579
Thai food!
532
00:30:21,580 --> 00:30:24,624
It's spicy going in, but
it's twice as spicy going out!
533
00:30:24,625 --> 00:30:26,626
That's scientifically impossible!
534
00:30:26,627 --> 00:30:29,462
I smell you in here!
What in the hell!
535
00:30:29,463 --> 00:30:30,964
Excuse me.
536
00:30:34,968 --> 00:30:38,137
- I hire based on skill level.
- Are those titties?
537
00:30:38,138 --> 00:30:41,182
Ladies, remember, we're
making meth, not baby aspirin.
538
00:30:41,183 --> 00:30:45,144
All the stories revolve
around Ahghoul's attempts...
539
00:30:45,145 --> 00:30:47,980
to trick people into
bringing him into our world...
540
00:30:47,981 --> 00:30:50,316
and it can come in the
form of a possession...
541
00:30:50,317 --> 00:30:52,318
a spirit that only
a child can see...
542
00:30:52,319 --> 00:30:56,322
or an ancient object that
lures in the impressionable.
543
00:30:56,323 --> 00:30:59,325
So what you're saying is something
is coming after me and my family.
544
00:30:59,326 --> 00:31:01,160
Malcolm, that's
exactly what I'm saying.
545
00:31:01,161 --> 00:31:03,162
Damn it, Jessica, you've got
your tit in the pseudophedrine!
546
00:31:03,163 --> 00:31:04,664
Sorry, Malcolm. I
wish you good luck.
547
00:31:04,665 --> 00:31:06,667
Gotta get my "Breaking Bad" on.
548
00:31:19,012 --> 00:31:20,809
Tonight you drown.
549
00:31:24,017 --> 00:31:25,518
Not again.
550
00:31:29,690 --> 00:31:32,192
Sink. Sink. Sink.
551
00:31:33,694 --> 00:31:36,362
Ruined a perfectly
good leather jacket!
552
00:31:36,363 --> 00:31:40,324
That's it. Now we drown. Drown!
553
00:31:40,325 --> 00:31:41,951
Drown!
554
00:31:44,997 --> 00:31:46,669
Prepare to meet Hell.
555
00:31:47,291 --> 00:31:49,213
God, that hurl!
556
00:31:52,004 --> 00:31:54,472
My balls. This isn't over!
557
00:31:55,257 --> 00:32:00,228
Is Ahghoul the same demon
that possessed Kisha?
558
00:32:02,097 --> 00:32:05,016
When are the
Republicans gonna slip...
559
00:32:05,017 --> 00:32:07,685
and call Obama the N-word?
560
00:32:07,686 --> 00:32:10,688
When are they gonna stop
makin' scary movies...
561
00:32:10,689 --> 00:32:12,189
without the Wayans?
562
00:32:12,190 --> 00:32:13,816
They fuckin' suck!
563
00:32:22,034 --> 00:32:23,660
What the hell?
564
00:32:43,972 --> 00:32:46,440
Steroids, bitch!
565
00:32:57,986 --> 00:33:00,784
You messed with the
wrong nigga today!
566
00:33:04,785 --> 00:33:07,662
Baby, put it down!
What are you doing?
567
00:33:07,663 --> 00:33:10,164
I come in the hallway,
fuckin' creepy box...
568
00:33:10,165 --> 00:33:12,166
with somethin' weird
fuckin' alive in it!
569
00:33:12,167 --> 00:33:14,627
And I knew that it
was death in the box!
570
00:33:14,628 --> 00:33:16,128
So I killed it!
571
00:33:16,129 --> 00:33:19,340
- Baby, it was a gift!
- But it ain't Christmas.
572
00:33:19,341 --> 00:33:22,510
- Baby, no.
- Kwanzaa?
573
00:33:22,511 --> 00:33:25,054
You were so upset when
Shiloh Junior died...
574
00:33:25,055 --> 00:33:27,649
that the kids and I
thought we would get you...
575
00:33:32,312 --> 00:33:34,605
- Don't look. Don't look.
- Oh, my God!
576
00:33:34,606 --> 00:33:36,608
Wyatt, go to your room!
577
00:33:36,984 --> 00:33:39,151
I killed a baby.
578
00:33:39,152 --> 00:33:41,487
Oh God, I think
it's still breathing.
579
00:33:41,488 --> 00:33:44,323
- You're so fucking crazy.
- He's still breathing.
580
00:33:44,324 --> 00:33:48,454
I gotta take him out of
misery. I gotta kill him!
581
00:33:58,672 --> 00:34:00,469
Becky?
582
00:34:02,384 --> 00:34:05,637
A'right, let's see
what's in this box now.
583
00:34:09,349 --> 00:34:13,019
God! Wow! That stinks!
584
00:34:13,020 --> 00:34:15,521
- What the hell are you doing?
- Nothing. Just...
585
00:34:15,522 --> 00:34:18,190
You know your pillows
have blue faces on 'em?
586
00:34:18,191 --> 00:34:20,192
- Stay away from my box!
- Calm down!
587
00:34:20,193 --> 00:34:22,153
- Would you calm down?
- I don't wanna calm down.
588
00:34:22,154 --> 00:34:23,696
I want you to stay
away from my box!
589
00:34:23,697 --> 00:34:25,364
Do you have to say "box" so loud?
590
00:34:25,365 --> 00:34:27,199
What is going on in here?
591
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,703
Nothing. We just
playin'. Dolls 'n stuff.
592
00:34:30,704 --> 00:34:33,956
Malcolm came into my
room and touched my box.
593
00:34:33,957 --> 00:34:37,626
- Malcolm, is this true?
- Yes, but only for like two seconds.
594
00:34:37,627 --> 00:34:40,296
It was stinking!
Like, it was rancid!
595
00:34:40,297 --> 00:34:43,299
Here, smell this. I don't
know how she play with that!
596
00:34:43,300 --> 00:34:46,343
He had two fingers in
my tight little box, Mom.
597
00:34:46,344 --> 00:34:47,386
Stop lyin'.
598
00:34:47,387 --> 00:34:50,389
Baby, there's nothin'
tight about her box.
599
00:34:50,390 --> 00:34:53,476
It's fuckin' huge! I could
put my whole fist in it.
600
00:34:53,477 --> 00:34:56,562
Like, I almost was up to here
for a second. It's crazy big.
601
00:34:56,563 --> 00:34:58,189
You said, "No means no!"
602
00:34:58,190 --> 00:35:00,316
And that is exactly
what I said. I said "No!"
603
00:35:00,317 --> 00:35:03,115
- I did.
- Time the fuck out.
604
00:35:03,987 --> 00:35:07,114
She's trying to Dateline
Special the nigga!
605
00:35:07,115 --> 00:35:09,241
Where's Chris Hansen? Chris! Chris!
606
00:35:09,242 --> 00:35:11,327
Chris, come on, I know
you around here somewhere!
607
00:35:11,328 --> 00:35:13,996
I know he's in here somewhere.
You tryin' to set a nigga up!
608
00:35:13,997 --> 00:35:16,165
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Right now.
609
00:35:16,166 --> 00:35:18,250
There's something really
strange goin' on in this house.
610
00:35:18,251 --> 00:35:20,544
Wyatt? Wyatt, see,
Wyatt used to be my boy.
611
00:35:20,545 --> 00:35:23,339
Like that was my lil' nigga,
like we was like boom-boom!
612
00:35:23,340 --> 00:35:26,342
When my dog died, that
lil' nigga helped me dah!
613
00:35:26,343 --> 00:35:28,344
But lately, he hasn't
even talked to me!
614
00:35:28,345 --> 00:35:29,512
Like, he won't even play with me!
615
00:35:29,513 --> 00:35:32,607
His little imaginary friend,
Tony? I don't think he's really...
616
00:35:33,934 --> 00:35:36,602
- You're crazy, Tony.
- Imagine that.
617
00:35:36,603 --> 00:35:40,106
Did you see that shit?
Look! You missed it!
618
00:35:40,107 --> 00:35:42,608
Okay, look, forget him. Becky.
619
00:35:42,609 --> 00:35:45,277
There's something in that
old box she carries around...
620
00:35:45,278 --> 00:35:46,695
that's making her go crazy!
621
00:35:46,696 --> 00:35:48,447
She sleeps with it,
she eats with it...
622
00:35:48,448 --> 00:35:50,157
she even goes to
the bathroom with it!
623
00:35:50,158 --> 00:35:52,618
Who takes a shit with
a box in their hand?
624
00:35:52,619 --> 00:35:53,953
It's fuckin' weird!
625
00:35:53,954 --> 00:35:57,623
And by "weird' you mean
I'm a terrible mother.
626
00:35:57,624 --> 00:35:58,541
What? No. Wait.
627
00:35:58,542 --> 00:36:00,960
Where did you go? Hold
on a minute. Hold on.
628
00:36:00,961 --> 00:36:03,295
If you were just a
little less judgmental...
629
00:36:03,296 --> 00:36:05,297
she wouldn't feel like she
needs to carry her pain...
630
00:36:05,298 --> 00:36:07,299
- around in a "box"!
- This is not about me!
631
00:36:07,300 --> 00:36:09,218
It is always about you, Malcolm!
632
00:36:09,219 --> 00:36:11,470
"You're too fat, you're
a terrible parent...
633
00:36:11,471 --> 00:36:13,681
you like black guys 'cause
they have bigger cocks!"
634
00:36:13,682 --> 00:36:16,642
That sounds like
you! Do you see this?
635
00:36:16,643 --> 00:36:18,644
That's not fuckin' normal!
636
00:36:18,645 --> 00:36:21,313
Okay, she is just
trying to get attention!
637
00:36:21,314 --> 00:36:23,649
When she was a baby,
she would cry and cry...
638
00:36:23,650 --> 00:36:25,568
and cry all damn day in her crib...
639
00:36:25,569 --> 00:36:27,987
until finally she realized
I wasn't gonna come...
640
00:36:27,988 --> 00:36:29,071
and pick her up!
641
00:36:29,072 --> 00:36:30,739
If you were a parent
you'd know it's called...
642
00:36:30,740 --> 00:36:32,283
the "cry it out method", Malcolm!
643
00:36:32,284 --> 00:36:34,451
Just pick the little bitch up!
644
00:36:34,452 --> 00:36:36,662
She needs to learn somethin', too.
645
00:36:36,663 --> 00:36:38,289
See what I'm saying?
646
00:36:38,290 --> 00:36:43,127
- That is called parenting.
- Wow! Mother of the Year.
647
00:36:43,128 --> 00:36:44,595
Thank you.
648
00:36:45,964 --> 00:36:48,432
That crazy doll keyed my car!
649
00:36:49,134 --> 00:36:51,468
Bro, somebody fucked your car up!
650
00:36:51,469 --> 00:36:53,137
You wouldn't know anybody...
651
00:36:53,138 --> 00:36:54,972
- ...with a auto body shop?
- Are you serious?
652
00:36:54,973 --> 00:36:56,307
Why, contrary to popular belief...
653
00:36:56,308 --> 00:36:58,017
all Mexicans don't have body shops.
654
00:36:58,018 --> 00:36:59,351
What, you think we
all have low riders...
655
00:36:59,352 --> 00:37:00,686
with a bunch of
primer all over it...
656
00:37:00,687 --> 00:37:02,021
with a frickin' Mexican horn?
657
00:37:02,022 --> 00:37:04,315
You think I have like six kids
and all my relatives livin' there?
658
00:37:04,316 --> 00:37:05,691
Probably chase Chihuahuas
and make burritos...
659
00:37:05,692 --> 00:37:06,692
is that what you think?
660
00:37:06,693 --> 00:37:09,320
- Look at the neighborhood, man!
- I didn't think any of that!
661
00:37:09,321 --> 00:37:13,451
- I just want my fuckin' car fixed!
- I'm just fuckin' with you, bro!
662
00:37:13,491 --> 00:37:15,659
You're so easy, man. Oh, shit.
663
00:37:15,660 --> 00:37:17,161
I got a cousin, his
name is Chucho...
664
00:37:17,162 --> 00:37:18,662
he can hook all that
shit up, all right?
665
00:37:18,663 --> 00:37:20,164
Stop fuckin' with
the crazy bitches.
666
00:37:20,165 --> 00:37:21,665
I gotta go, I got the
family waiting. All right?
667
00:37:21,666 --> 00:37:22,333
Be good, man!
668
00:37:22,334 --> 00:37:24,507
Where did she go?
669
00:37:26,004 --> 00:37:28,088
- Take it easy, vato!
- Where you goin'?
670
00:37:28,089 --> 00:37:29,381
Goin' to the swap meet.
671
00:37:29,382 --> 00:37:31,675
We're gonna get some Chihuahuas.
672
00:37:31,676 --> 00:37:33,598
Now that's racist!
673
00:37:34,930 --> 00:37:38,599
So I moved into the house across
the street and I just love it.
674
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,728
The streets are so quiet.
It's perfect for a haunting.
675
00:37:43,271 --> 00:37:46,440
You know, I never got your name.
676
00:37:46,441 --> 00:37:49,610
Kisha? What in the fuck!
677
00:37:49,611 --> 00:37:52,947
- You two know each other?
- Oh! Well, yeah.
678
00:37:52,948 --> 00:37:55,658
You know the boyfriend that
I told you abandoned me...
679
00:37:55,659 --> 00:37:57,911
and left me in a ditch to die?
680
00:37:58,203 --> 00:37:59,750
That's him.
681
00:38:01,289 --> 00:38:04,291
- Awkward!
- Yeah!
682
00:38:04,292 --> 00:38:07,253
I think I'll let
you two have at it.
683
00:38:07,254 --> 00:38:10,464
And thank you so much,
Megan, for the coffee, really.
684
00:38:10,465 --> 00:38:14,139
And, Malcolm, it
was great seeing you.
685
00:38:15,470 --> 00:38:17,096
See you around, Malcolm.
686
00:38:19,975 --> 00:38:21,442
Really?
687
00:38:22,143 --> 00:38:24,645
How come you never
told me about her?
688
00:38:24,646 --> 00:38:28,065
Well, it was just a time in my
life I just wanted to forget.
689
00:38:28,066 --> 00:38:30,484
You need to star': remembering.
She was fucking beautiful!
690
00:38:30,485 --> 00:38:33,445
- She was a'ight.
- "A'ight"?
691
00:38:33,446 --> 00:38:36,282
- I mean, she got nice legs.
- Legs.
692
00:38:36,283 --> 00:38:40,754
- Little ass, but...
- Ass. How 'bout all this?
693
00:38:40,954 --> 00:38:44,623
It's fuckable. Okay? But
that's the... all this...
694
00:38:44,624 --> 00:38:46,041
She's crazy!
695
00:38:46,042 --> 00:38:48,127
She was crazy, baby,
like she was possessed!
696
00:38:48,128 --> 00:38:51,255
- You mean she was possessive.
- No, the bitch was possessed.
697
00:38:51,256 --> 00:38:52,757
- What?
- Yes!
698
00:38:52,966 --> 00:38:55,134
First of all, she
was verbally abusive.
699
00:38:55,135 --> 00:38:56,677
Hey, baby, what's for dinner?
700
00:38:56,678 --> 00:38:59,727
Eat your mothers
pussy you fucking fuck!
701
00:39:01,975 --> 00:39:03,642
It was like she gave up.
702
00:39:03,643 --> 00:39:06,562
Eventually I was able to
drag her to couples' therapy.
703
00:39:06,563 --> 00:39:09,231
Dr. Rousch, me and my girlfriend,
we're kinda goin' through...
704
00:39:09,232 --> 00:39:10,983
a little rough patch.
705
00:39:10,984 --> 00:39:13,152
I mean, she won't
communicate with me.
706
00:39:13,153 --> 00:39:15,621
No matter what I do,
she just sits there.
707
00:39:16,990 --> 00:39:19,158
Okay, and she'll
growl a little bit.
708
00:39:19,159 --> 00:39:20,409
Yes, I can hear that.
709
00:39:20,410 --> 00:39:22,453
And the smallest
things just set her off.
710
00:39:22,454 --> 00:39:24,663
Like crucifixes, or questions.
711
00:39:24,664 --> 00:39:26,632
Is that right, Kisha?
712
00:39:30,003 --> 00:39:32,004
You got a prescription
for "crazy bitch"?
713
00:39:32,005 --> 00:39:34,506
Oh, Malcolm, I'm so sorry.
714
00:39:34,507 --> 00:39:39,558
- It sounds horrible.
- Well, wasn't all bad.
715
00:39:39,596 --> 00:39:43,566
- Wait, I'm come.
- Shut up, you little bitch!
716
00:39:45,435 --> 00:39:47,733
I think you just
knocked out a tooth!
717
00:39:49,147 --> 00:39:52,107
Whose ass is this,
huh? Whose ass is this?
718
00:39:52,108 --> 00:39:53,905
The Devil's!
719
00:39:55,945 --> 00:39:58,614
See, now you just made it weird.
720
00:39:58,615 --> 00:40:01,083
Look at me, goddamnit!
721
00:40:04,287 --> 00:40:07,757
Oh, my God, that was awesome!
722
00:40:09,292 --> 00:40:12,127
Oh baby, you're
makin' my toes do this.
723
00:40:12,128 --> 00:40:13,712
You're makin' my toes do this.
724
00:40:13,713 --> 00:40:15,214
Really, Malcolm?
725
00:40:15,215 --> 00:40:18,093
You know what they say
about the crazy ones.
726
00:40:18,968 --> 00:40:21,766
What? Too soon?
727
00:40:27,602 --> 00:40:29,645
There's somethin'
goin' on with this box.
728
00:40:29,646 --> 00:40:31,944
I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.
729
00:40:32,690 --> 00:40:35,784
What the heck is this
little pervert doin'?
730
00:40:37,987 --> 00:40:40,956
Oh, dude, that is just weird!
731
00:40:42,992 --> 00:40:44,459
Oh, really?
732
00:40:46,996 --> 00:40:50,666
What kind of sweet
tooth fairy is this?
733
00:40:50,667 --> 00:40:53,335
- This nigga need a daddy.
- "Dear Diary.
734
00:40:53,336 --> 00:40:56,004
I lost my virginity to Joey today.
735
00:40:56,005 --> 00:40:58,340
Actually, that's not totally true.
736
00:40:58,341 --> 00:41:01,811
I mean, I've only
had sex with seven...
737
00:41:02,011 --> 00:41:03,345
teen guys...
738
00:41:03,346 --> 00:41:06,474
but only in the butt,
so it doesn't count."
739
00:41:08,017 --> 00:41:10,686
"I mean, I've sucked
a lot of dicks, Diary.
740
00:41:10,687 --> 00:41:12,521
I stopped counting after
the blowjob party...
741
00:41:12,522 --> 00:41:13,605
at Ashley's house.
742
00:41:13,606 --> 00:41:15,691
There must've been
30 or 40 guys there."
743
00:41:15,692 --> 00:41:17,192
She ain't got no bone in her neck.
744
00:41:17,193 --> 00:41:18,527
She got that Plastic Man.
745
00:41:18,528 --> 00:41:22,999
"PS: Diary, I'll never
stop sucking dicks. Ever!"
746
00:41:26,369 --> 00:41:27,661
Would you look there?
747
00:41:27,662 --> 00:41:29,705
A mood ring. So, what mood is that?
748
00:41:29,706 --> 00:41:31,707
It's called: "You're
not my father".
749
00:41:31,708 --> 00:41:33,625
Yeah, that's bitchy
lil' white teenager.
750
00:41:33,626 --> 00:41:36,470
See, that'll get you slapped
in most black neighborhoods.
751
00:41:40,633 --> 00:41:42,430
Are you okay?
752
00:41:43,970 --> 00:41:45,471
Becky?
753
00:41:52,312 --> 00:41:55,481
That is some serious meat-mouth
you got goin' on there.
754
00:41:55,482 --> 00:42:00,829
It's easier going down than it
is coming up. Yeah, it's weird.
755
00:42:01,321 --> 00:42:03,655
Breath smell like sirloin.
756
00:42:03,656 --> 00:42:06,659
I hope that hole
cold ain't contagious.
757
00:42:09,662 --> 00:42:11,789
Professor, it's kinda loud there.
758
00:42:11,998 --> 00:42:14,500
Did I catch you at a bad time?
759
00:42:15,335 --> 00:42:18,670
Endicott? I'm a sativa man.
I got important shit to do!
760
00:42:18,671 --> 00:42:21,340
Hold on! I'm at a party.
761
00:42:21,341 --> 00:42:23,969
I need some of my medicine.
762
00:42:27,013 --> 00:42:30,858
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?
763
00:42:31,184 --> 00:42:33,310
Professor! Professor!
764
00:42:33,311 --> 00:42:35,479
Malcolm, that demon's tryin'
to get to you through...
765
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,481
your family and
he's not gonna stop!
766
00:42:37,482 --> 00:42:39,316
You've got the
paranormal equivalent...
767
00:42:39,317 --> 00:42:41,151
of a perfect storm, my friend!
768
00:42:41,152 --> 00:42:42,986
Oh shit! The po-po!
769
00:42:42,987 --> 00:42:44,488
Professor, please! What's goin' on?
770
00:42:44,489 --> 00:42:46,657
I got 12 ounces of crystal
meth jammed up my anus.
771
00:42:46,658 --> 00:42:47,741
I gotta get outta here!
772
00:42:47,742 --> 00:42:49,576
- Police!
- Oh, fuck!
773
00:42:49,577 --> 00:42:51,662
Professor! Professor, please!
774
00:42:51,663 --> 00:42:54,498
- Hands up now!
- I can't go back in!
775
00:42:54,499 --> 00:42:57,923
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?
776
00:43:00,547 --> 00:43:04,802
You're under arrest! You
on the screen, freeze!
777
00:43:08,346 --> 00:43:10,013
Hey, knothead!
778
00:43:10,014 --> 00:43:13,517
Oh no, not my favorite
shirt. That bitch.
779
00:43:13,518 --> 00:43:14,940
What the...?
780
00:43:16,020 --> 00:43:19,148
Oh, my God! Are you
fucking kidding me?
781
00:43:19,232 --> 00:43:21,985
No, no, no! Not my clothes! No!
782
00:43:27,365 --> 00:43:30,242
Oh, shit! This crazy wooden bitch!
783
00:43:30,243 --> 00:43:32,119
She's burning my clothes!
784
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,122
Oh, my God! Oh, it's
"Fatal Attraction".
785
00:43:35,123 --> 00:43:38,422
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
786
00:43:40,128 --> 00:43:42,296
- Can I get you somethin' to drink?
- Sure, man.
787
00:43:42,297 --> 00:43:43,589
- Tequila?
- Really, bro?
788
00:43:43,590 --> 00:43:45,591
What, you bring the
Mexican into your house and:
789
00:43:45,592 --> 00:43:47,968
"He must want tequila, we
should give him tequila."
790
00:43:47,969 --> 00:43:50,304
"I'm glad he parked his burro
so now I can offer him...
791
00:43:50,305 --> 00:43:51,597
some of his beverage."
792
00:43:51,598 --> 00:43:53,473
I bet you this shit
has a worm in it.
793
00:43:53,474 --> 00:43:55,475
Should've walked in here with
a serape and a sombrero...
794
00:43:55,476 --> 00:43:57,644
for you too, huh? That's what
you wanted really, wasn't it?
795
00:43:57,645 --> 00:44:01,615
You get me all worked up, man!
Look, I could use a drink now.
796
00:44:01,649 --> 00:44:03,984
What kind of tequila
is it? Is it silver?
797
00:44:03,985 --> 00:44:06,320
'Cause I can't drink that
gold shit. That's for cholos.
798
00:44:06,321 --> 00:44:08,780
- Thank you, man.
- We're becomin' friends, right?
799
00:44:08,781 --> 00:44:10,578
Now we are.
800
00:44:11,326 --> 00:44:15,162
- I could trust you with things.
- I mean, I can keep a secret, man.
801
00:44:15,163 --> 00:44:16,455
I'm good at that shit.
802
00:44:16,456 --> 00:44:17,998
The neighbors next door
to me don't even know...
803
00:44:17,999 --> 00:44:19,166
there's a black
guy living here yet.
804
00:44:19,167 --> 00:44:20,884
So, what do you wanna talk about?
805
00:44:21,002 --> 00:44:25,005
Okay, you know the people that
lived in this house before me?
806
00:44:25,006 --> 00:44:27,174
Was there anything
strange goin' on...
807
00:44:27,175 --> 00:44:29,551
like were they actin'
weird or anything?
808
00:44:29,552 --> 00:44:32,271
You saw somethin' a little...
809
00:44:32,972 --> 00:44:36,975
- spooky, or supernatural...?
- I seen some shit.
810
00:44:36,976 --> 00:44:39,102
Come on, man, you don't
believe in that, do you?
811
00:44:39,103 --> 00:44:40,646
'Cause if you did, you
know, you'd have been like...
812
00:44:40,647 --> 00:44:42,648
"Nigger, I'm out!
Not gonna do this."
813
00:44:42,649 --> 00:44:45,150
You mean to tell me you don't
believe in the paranormal?
814
00:44:45,151 --> 00:44:47,653
'Course I believe in that
shit! I'm half Mexican, bro!
815
00:44:47,654 --> 00:44:50,322
I believe in all that shit
people don't believe in.
816
00:44:50,323 --> 00:44:55,661
Freakin' La Llorona, El Cucui,
Chupacabra, Bigfoot, Obamacare.
817
00:44:55,662 --> 00:44:57,329
Interracial dating. Nuclear war.
818
00:44:57,330 --> 00:44:59,998
You name it, I'm all for it.
819
00:44:59,999 --> 00:45:03,335
Me personally, I wouldn't
stay one night in this house.
820
00:45:03,336 --> 00:45:04,503
Oh, shit!
821
00:45:04,504 --> 00:45:06,588
Look, I'm gonna be
honest with you, bro.
822
00:45:06,589 --> 00:45:09,007
When I first found out that
there was a black guy...
823
00:45:09,008 --> 00:45:10,258
movin' in the neighborhood...
824
00:45:10,259 --> 00:45:13,178
I was like... there goes
the property value...
825
00:45:13,179 --> 00:45:15,180
I'm gonna have to
keep the kids inside...
826
00:45:15,181 --> 00:45:16,348
there's gonna be gangs...
827
00:45:16,349 --> 00:45:19,393
I'm gonna have to cover graffiti,
but you turned out to be okay.
828
00:45:19,394 --> 00:45:20,394
You're really cool!
829
00:45:20,395 --> 00:45:23,689
You're very accommodating.
I think I can help you.
830
00:45:23,690 --> 00:45:24,941
Really.
831
00:45:26,150 --> 00:45:28,360
I need you to cut
the chicken's neck.
832
00:45:28,361 --> 00:45:29,695
Oh, hell fuckin' no!
833
00:45:29,696 --> 00:45:31,363
You wanna get rid
of the demon or not?
834
00:45:31,364 --> 00:45:33,365
I know, but can't we just
go down to the store...
835
00:45:33,366 --> 00:45:35,367
- ...and just like, buy a chicken?
- No, man!
836
00:45:35,368 --> 00:45:37,703
You need a blood sacrifice.
837
00:45:37,704 --> 00:45:40,288
Right. Come here. Let's do it.
838
00:45:40,289 --> 00:45:42,290
Hold on! Hold up, wait a second!
839
00:45:42,291 --> 00:45:44,042
Let me get my shit together.
840
00:45:44,043 --> 00:45:46,545
You gonna shit in my
baby's cereal, chicken?
841
00:45:46,546 --> 00:45:50,926
You wanna piss on my
momma? In her face?
842
00:45:53,302 --> 00:45:55,600
I'll fuck your thing!
843
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,058
Where did you get this
chicken? Your uncle's farm?
844
00:46:00,059 --> 00:46:01,977
No! A cock fighting ring.
845
00:46:01,978 --> 00:46:03,946
You so dead, motherfucka.
846
00:46:12,655 --> 00:46:15,490
Whassup, chicken,
you scared? Whassup?
847
00:46:15,491 --> 00:46:17,959
You don't want none
of this, motherfucker!
848
00:46:20,997 --> 00:46:24,797
Bite him back,
Malcolm! Bite him back!
849
00:46:28,171 --> 00:46:29,337
Drown, bitch!
850
00:46:29,338 --> 00:46:31,465
I'll kill your ass!
851
00:46:32,008 --> 00:46:35,057
Watch what I do to
your fuckin' baby!
852
00:46:38,931 --> 00:46:41,559
What you doin', man? What'd you do?
853
00:46:44,187 --> 00:46:46,564
This pollo is loco!
854
00:46:52,278 --> 00:46:54,613
You got him, Malcolm! That's right!
855
00:46:54,614 --> 00:46:56,991
Yeah, you fucked that chicken.
856
00:47:05,625 --> 00:47:08,126
You gotta go to that
great bucket in the sky!
857
00:47:08,127 --> 00:47:10,629
Tell the Colonel I said hi!
858
00:47:14,550 --> 00:47:15,592
Shit!
859
00:47:15,593 --> 00:47:18,637
That was like an intense-ass
game of Angry Birds, man!
860
00:47:18,638 --> 00:47:21,640
Fuck, bro, you did it! I
think this house is clean!
861
00:47:21,641 --> 00:47:24,476
Well, maybe not clean, but
the demon's gone for sure.
862
00:47:24,477 --> 00:47:27,145
What the hell are we gonna do
with all this chicken, Malcolm?
863
00:47:27,146 --> 00:47:29,648
Oh, yeah, ask the black guy.
864
00:47:33,277 --> 00:47:35,450
Cheers. Right on!
865
00:47:39,283 --> 00:47:42,081
What in the fuck!
866
00:47:44,205 --> 00:47:46,581
You! This is nuts!
867
00:47:46,582 --> 00:47:50,627
You hear me, you googly-eyed
bitch wanton bitch! Come on!
868
00:47:50,628 --> 00:47:55,599
You're making me
bury your fuckin' ass!
869
00:48:00,638 --> 00:48:02,105
Get in there!
870
00:48:02,306 --> 00:48:04,604
Die there, bitch!
871
00:48:05,142 --> 00:48:07,978
B-I-T...
872
00:48:07,979 --> 00:48:10,573
Fuckin' bitch!
873
00:48:11,983 --> 00:48:13,780
You want some of this?
874
00:48:16,988 --> 00:48:20,156
All right, prepare
to meet your maker!
875
00:48:20,157 --> 00:48:24,127
That's right, I'm sending
you back to Taiwan!
876
00:48:24,328 --> 00:48:26,746
You smell like piss and shit!
877
00:48:26,747 --> 00:48:29,716
Come on! You make me sick!
878
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:35,422
You know what brown can
do for me? Take this!
879
00:48:35,423 --> 00:48:38,392
You sign! Get the fuck outta here!
880
00:48:40,928 --> 00:48:43,430
See, I tried to do it the easy way.
881
00:48:43,431 --> 00:48:45,682
Now you're gonna make me violent.
882
00:48:45,683 --> 00:48:49,062
Come on, you fuck! Shut up!
883
00:48:52,607 --> 00:48:54,941
How you like that, bitch?
I want you to watch.
884
00:48:54,942 --> 00:48:57,035
Let's see you writing now!
885
00:48:58,279 --> 00:49:01,114
Miss me? This is fun.
886
00:49:01,115 --> 00:49:04,084
We about to have a
barbecue. Get in there.
887
00:49:04,952 --> 00:49:06,620
Yeah! Hey, how you doin'?
888
00:49:06,621 --> 00:49:09,590
You gonna fuckin' burn today, baby!
889
00:49:11,959 --> 00:49:15,087
That's what fucking
hell feels like!
890
00:49:40,279 --> 00:49:42,614
You fuckin', fuckin' doll!
891
00:49:42,615 --> 00:49:46,201
I don't want you!
Just die, you little...
892
00:49:46,202 --> 00:49:50,752
I'll fuckin' cut your
goddamn eye out, you bitch!
893
00:49:52,458 --> 00:49:53,925
Malcolm!
894
00:49:54,460 --> 00:49:56,962
- Don't say nothing.
- What did you do to our room?
895
00:49:56,963 --> 00:49:58,630
Honey, it's not what
it looks like, okay?
896
00:49:58,631 --> 00:50:00,548
- Really?
- Listen, listen to me.
897
00:50:00,549 --> 00:50:04,135
This one, she's crazy!
It's not me, she's crazy!
898
00:50:04,136 --> 00:50:06,304
- You're crazy. You're crazy.
- No, honey!
899
00:50:06,305 --> 00:50:08,306
- It's not what it looks like!
- Yeah, right.
900
00:50:08,307 --> 00:50:11,643
I'm not done wit' you,
you fuckin' home-wrecker!
901
00:50:11,644 --> 00:50:13,111
God!
902
00:50:14,313 --> 00:50:16,147
See, nobody will
listen to the black guy!
903
00:50:16,148 --> 00:50:18,733
So everybody dead! I see
how you lookin' at me.
904
00:50:18,734 --> 00:50:21,987
Let me tell you somethin':
This house is haunted.
905
00:50:21,988 --> 00:50:24,656
You know that little doll
that you like so much? Abigail?
906
00:50:24,657 --> 00:50:26,658
Let me tell you
somethin' about Abigail.
907
00:50:26,659 --> 00:50:27,659
She's alive!
908
00:50:27,660 --> 00:50:29,995
That's right, she's alive!
909
00:50:29,996 --> 00:50:33,665
Not like alive, alive, but
alive as in "is possessed."
910
00:50:33,666 --> 00:50:35,083
You know how I know?
911
00:50:35,084 --> 00:50:37,669
'Cause it made me have
sex with it! Repeatedly!
912
00:50:37,670 --> 00:50:41,089
Upstairs, downstairs, in
the kitchen, in the yard!
913
00:50:41,090 --> 00:50:43,133
While you were sleepin' next to us!
914
00:50:43,134 --> 00:50:45,010
Right there where
you're sitting, twice!
915
00:50:45,011 --> 00:50:47,512
And that's why, when you came
upstairs and you caught me...
916
00:50:47,513 --> 00:50:50,223
and I was killing the doll,
because I was just like...
917
00:50:50,224 --> 00:50:52,017
"You're fuckin' up
my relationship!"
918
00:50:52,018 --> 00:50:54,816
And that box? It's cursed!
919
00:50:55,021 --> 00:50:57,022
That box and that box.
920
00:50:57,023 --> 00:50:59,524
That's haunted with a demon.
That box, cursed with dudes.
921
00:50:59,525 --> 00:51:00,525
But that's a whole 'nother story.
922
00:51:00,526 --> 00:51:02,360
And your son, his little
imaginary friend...
923
00:51:02,361 --> 00:51:05,697
that teaches him curse words
and gets him crunk on vodka!
924
00:51:05,698 --> 00:51:08,616
Yeah, yeah, I'm blowing
your spot, little man.
925
00:51:08,617 --> 00:51:11,536
- Well, he's not so imaginary!
- He's cray!
926
00:51:11,537 --> 00:51:14,205
No, no, no. You
cray! You cray-cray!
927
00:51:14,206 --> 00:51:16,583
You and your whole lot
of other ethnic words...
928
00:51:16,584 --> 00:51:19,377
that's goin' out of style.
You ain't funky fresh or dope.
929
00:51:19,378 --> 00:51:21,046
So, how 'bout that, cray-cray?
930
00:51:21,047 --> 00:51:23,174
Mom, he's scaring me.
931
00:51:24,050 --> 00:51:26,718
Is that the nigga
whose room exploded?
932
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:30,055
I'm scarin' you! Opie,
you somethin' else!
933
00:51:30,056 --> 00:51:31,723
You know what, that's it.
934
00:51:31,724 --> 00:51:34,726
I've had enough of this
whole haunted house craziness!
935
00:51:34,727 --> 00:51:37,228
It's bad enough that
you think it's real...
936
00:51:37,229 --> 00:51:39,314
but now you're scaring the kids!
937
00:51:39,315 --> 00:51:40,648
- I'm scaring the kids!
- Yes!
938
00:51:40,649 --> 00:51:44,486
Ain't that the pot
callin' the kettle a nigga!
939
00:51:44,487 --> 00:51:45,528
No, no, no, baby!
940
00:51:45,529 --> 00:51:48,740
Your kids are scaring me! Okay?
941
00:51:48,741 --> 00:51:50,033
Look at this one!
942
00:51:50,034 --> 00:51:51,493
She's Marilyn Manson in the skin...
943
00:51:51,494 --> 00:51:53,369
and Charlie Manson in the eyes!
944
00:51:53,370 --> 00:51:54,746
Her eyes are crazy, okay?
945
00:51:54,747 --> 00:51:57,165
That's a crazy woman
carryin' around a box...
946
00:51:57,166 --> 00:51:58,541
like fuckin' Lionel
on the Peanuts...
947
00:51:58,542 --> 00:52:01,586
and he's hangin' out with
dead niggas and I'm crazy?
948
00:52:01,587 --> 00:52:03,671
So, what am I supposed
to do with all this?
949
00:52:03,672 --> 00:52:06,299
Maybe you weren't ready!
Maybe we moved in too soon.
950
00:52:06,300 --> 00:52:08,343
Maybe you're not
ready for a family!
951
00:52:08,344 --> 00:52:10,386
But we come as a
package deal, okay?
952
00:52:10,387 --> 00:52:12,639
This ain't about you or them, okay?
953
00:52:13,015 --> 00:52:14,015
Bullshit.
954
00:52:14,016 --> 00:52:16,017
No! Hey! Don't touch that shit!
955
00:52:16,018 --> 00:52:19,270
Don't touch it!
There's a demon ring.
956
00:52:19,271 --> 00:52:21,022
Don't you answer that, you hear?
957
00:52:21,023 --> 00:52:22,774
That's the devil
callin' right there.
958
00:52:22,775 --> 00:52:24,776
That is an evil
ring! You hear that?
959
00:52:24,777 --> 00:52:27,195
Yeah, I said it, a demon ring!
960
00:52:27,196 --> 00:52:30,365
And you can insta tweet
that on your gram-o-vine!
961
00:52:30,366 --> 00:52:31,833
Nobody touch it!
962
00:52:32,284 --> 00:52:35,128
Stop ringing!
963
00:52:36,956 --> 00:52:40,801
Stop ringing! Stop!
964
00:52:44,964 --> 00:52:48,934
- That's a demon callin'.
- Malcolm? Your pocket.
965
00:52:53,639 --> 00:52:55,640
We gotta change my ringer.
966
00:52:55,641 --> 00:52:59,310
Why do we even have
home phones anymore?
967
00:52:59,311 --> 00:53:00,607
I mean...
968
00:53:02,148 --> 00:53:03,982
Yeah? Who is it?
969
00:53:03,983 --> 00:53:05,316
What the hell?
970
00:53:05,317 --> 00:53:08,661
Hey, how you doin',
officer? What's goin' on?
971
00:53:09,655 --> 00:53:12,323
We got a call about
a domestic dispute.
972
00:53:12,324 --> 00:53:13,741
Are you Malcolm Johnson?
973
00:53:13,742 --> 00:53:16,161
Yeah, that's me, but
there's no dispute.
974
00:53:16,162 --> 00:53:17,412
I mean, the phone, but...
975
00:53:17,413 --> 00:53:19,497
- You're under arrest.
- For what?
976
00:53:19,498 --> 00:53:22,208
- Oh, my God!
- Just raised the voice a little bit!
977
00:53:22,209 --> 00:53:24,002
How could I call?
My phone is broken!
978
00:53:24,003 --> 00:53:26,171
I know what... It's
the doll! It's the doll!
979
00:53:26,172 --> 00:53:27,505
It was the doll, brother, listen!
980
00:53:27,506 --> 00:53:30,341
There's this doll, I was
fuckin' this doll, right?
981
00:53:30,342 --> 00:53:32,635
- He's on PCP.
- No, I'm not on PCP!
982
00:53:32,636 --> 00:53:35,305
You fuckin' bitch!
You fuckin' bitch!
983
00:53:35,306 --> 00:53:36,973
You fuckin' bitch!
984
00:53:36,974 --> 00:53:39,101
Malcolm, maybe this
is for the best.
985
00:54:20,309 --> 00:54:23,813
Canister of gas for death.
986
00:54:28,025 --> 00:54:31,495
Now you burn... fire.
987
00:55:06,146 --> 00:55:07,613
What is...
988
00:55:09,650 --> 00:55:11,117
Malcolm?
989
00:55:18,492 --> 00:55:20,118
Malcolm?
990
00:55:21,036 --> 00:55:24,255
Damn, son, you look fucked up!
991
00:55:24,331 --> 00:55:27,500
Don't look at me. Don't look at me!
992
00:55:27,501 --> 00:55:30,670
Mom, your man's in here
pukin' like a little bitch!
993
00:55:30,671 --> 00:55:32,798
See that shit, Tony?
994
00:55:36,468 --> 00:55:38,553
Sometimes the victim
may be tormented...
995
00:55:38,554 --> 00:55:40,305
by more than one demon.
996
00:55:40,306 --> 00:55:42,307
These cases lead to transference.
997
00:55:42,308 --> 00:55:44,475
Trans who? What the
fuck is that, dog?
998
00:55:44,476 --> 00:55:47,312
- Father Williams! Mind your tongue.
- You are a man of the cloth!
999
00:55:47,313 --> 00:55:50,148
Damn man, ain't like I'm
rapin' mu'fuckers no more...
1000
00:55:50,149 --> 00:55:51,607
you know what I'm sayin'?
1001
00:55:51,608 --> 00:55:54,193
Shit. Keep on wit' your
little lesson, brother.
1002
00:55:54,194 --> 00:55:57,196
Victims have also been known
to break their own bones...
1003
00:55:57,197 --> 00:55:59,991
- ...during the possession.
- True. That happened to me.
1004
00:55:59,992 --> 00:56:03,077
I was first in prison, I was
tryin' to give myself head, right?
1005
00:56:03,078 --> 00:56:04,329
'Cause I ain't know nobody.
1006
00:56:04,330 --> 00:56:06,622
If I woulda knew somebody,
I wouldn't have had...
1007
00:56:06,623 --> 00:56:08,624
to do it to myself. And
it wasn't no, no gay shit.
1008
00:56:08,625 --> 00:56:10,501
- First get that out your head.
- That's enough!
1009
00:56:10,502 --> 00:56:12,337
I've had enough of your insolence!
1010
00:56:12,338 --> 00:56:14,339
My what? My insolence?
1011
00:56:14,340 --> 00:56:17,175
Dog, you gonna bring up
my condition right now?
1012
00:56:17,176 --> 00:56:20,178
You gonna bring up
my diabetes, dog!
1013
00:56:20,179 --> 00:56:21,679
Talkin' 'bout my insolence.
1014
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:25,141
'Cause I like cake?
Yeah, I like cake, guys.
1015
00:56:25,142 --> 00:56:27,518
I like cake, birthday
cake, all kinds of cake.
1016
00:56:27,519 --> 00:56:29,604
Now come on, cake, cake, cake!
1017
00:56:29,605 --> 00:56:33,107
Man, you know what?
I'm sick o' yo' shit!
1018
00:56:33,108 --> 00:56:34,442
Get outta here!
1019
00:56:34,443 --> 00:56:37,945
Everybody break out.
Get your boy wit' you.
1020
00:56:37,946 --> 00:56:40,744
Yeah. I mean really, man.
1021
00:56:42,451 --> 00:56:43,618
Wooh. Malcolm?
1022
00:56:43,619 --> 00:56:45,286
Hey, Father Williams!
1023
00:56:45,287 --> 00:56:47,372
Fuck, nigga, what'd I tell
you about callin' me that?
1024
00:56:47,373 --> 00:56:50,291
- I'm sorry. Hey, Doug!
- Roll down, man!
1025
00:56:50,292 --> 00:56:52,960
I'm sorry you caught that, man.
1026
00:56:52,961 --> 00:56:54,629
I'm so stressed out, man.
1027
00:56:54,630 --> 00:56:57,173
I had to shank a mo'fu.
You saw that, right?
1028
00:56:57,174 --> 00:57:00,093
- I didn't see nothin'.
- That's a good answer.
1029
00:57:00,094 --> 00:57:01,344
That's a good answer.
1030
00:57:01,345 --> 00:57:04,013
If you saw it, if you
woulda said yes, I woulda...
1031
00:57:04,014 --> 00:57:06,974
That's all right, I
don't have nothin'.
1032
00:57:06,975 --> 00:57:08,309
That's the only one I had.
1033
00:57:08,310 --> 00:57:10,645
I used to have two shanks,
but I don't keep that anymore.
1034
00:57:10,646 --> 00:57:12,063
I stopped doin' two shanks...
1035
00:57:12,064 --> 00:57:14,148
'cause it just was a thang,
and ever'body was like:
1036
00:57:14,149 --> 00:57:15,149
"Two shanks."
1037
00:57:15,150 --> 00:57:17,318
Yeah, so... how you doin'?
1038
00:57:17,319 --> 00:57:20,405
I... I need your help.
1039
00:57:20,406 --> 00:57:24,242
- It's happenin', Doug.
- Hell no!
1040
00:57:24,243 --> 00:57:27,328
I'm not comin' over there
and fuckin' with you...
1041
00:57:27,329 --> 00:57:28,996
and your creepy lil' bitch again!
1042
00:57:28,997 --> 00:57:30,331
I ain't even with
that bitch no more!
1043
00:57:30,332 --> 00:57:32,083
I'm beggin' you, man,
I just need your help.
1044
00:57:32,084 --> 00:57:33,292
I just don't know
who else to go to.
1045
00:57:33,293 --> 00:57:35,420
Let me explain to you
why I became a priest.
1046
00:57:35,421 --> 00:57:37,588
Now, obvious one is
for the little boys.
1047
00:57:37,589 --> 00:57:38,423
Yes.
1048
00:57:38,424 --> 00:57:42,593
- What're you talkin' about?
- It's a joke, Malcolm!
1049
00:57:42,594 --> 00:57:43,678
No, it was a joke.
1050
00:57:43,679 --> 00:57:44,512
No, it was a joke.
1051
00:57:44,513 --> 00:57:46,514
I did that, you know,
put it on the priests...
1052
00:57:46,515 --> 00:57:48,099
and we laugh, that's all.
1053
00:57:48,100 --> 00:57:51,936
But I don't know if I can help
you wit' your demon situation...
1054
00:57:51,937 --> 00:57:54,439
because I haven't
been stayin' steady...
1055
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:57,650
on my demon fightin' skills,
is what I'm tryin' to tell you.
1056
00:57:57,651 --> 00:58:01,121
Malcolm, day after day...
1057
00:58:01,947 --> 00:58:04,157
when you know you can't win...
1058
00:58:04,158 --> 00:58:07,618
you're just prolonging
the inevitable!
1059
00:58:07,619 --> 00:58:10,621
All you gotta do is let them in.
1060
00:58:10,622 --> 00:58:12,540
Are you talkin' about the Devil?
1061
00:58:12,541 --> 00:58:15,293
Worse. The Kardashians.
1062
00:58:15,294 --> 00:58:20,381
Yeah, it's the crazy mama, it's
Kim, Khloe, Courtney crazy...
1063
00:58:20,382 --> 00:58:21,632
the two little ones...
1064
00:58:21,633 --> 00:58:24,469
they gonna be freaks. They
got Lamar, they got Scott...
1065
00:58:24,470 --> 00:58:24,510
Rob Fat the motherfucker,
Bruce with the acne.
1066
00:58:24,511 --> 00:58:27,972
Rob Fat the motherfucker,
Bruce with the acne.
1067
00:58:27,973 --> 00:58:30,141
What the fuck is wrong
with Bruce Jenner face?
1068
00:58:30,142 --> 00:58:31,517
He look like a monster!
1069
00:58:31,518 --> 00:58:34,937
He scares me at night!
And he on in daytime.
1070
00:58:34,938 --> 00:58:37,273
He don't look like the nigga
that was on the Wheatie box!
1071
00:58:37,274 --> 00:58:38,149
- And Kanye! And Kanye!
- And Julianne Hough!
1072
00:58:38,150 --> 00:58:40,276
- And Kanye! And Kanye!
- And Julianne Hough!
1073
00:58:40,277 --> 00:58:41,611
I love it and I hate it.
1074
00:58:41,612 --> 00:58:44,280
They took Kanye and
they changed him.
1075
00:58:44,281 --> 00:58:45,281
Doug, you know...
1076
00:58:45,282 --> 00:58:48,117
You have to let go of me, Doug.
1077
00:58:48,118 --> 00:58:51,120
- You can't...
- Doug, you gotta let go of me!
1078
00:58:51,121 --> 00:58:51,746
There's no place you can
hide. He has a plan for you.
1079
00:58:51,747 --> 00:58:55,124
There's no place you can
hide. He has a plan for you.
1080
00:58:55,125 --> 00:58:57,168
- Doug, get offa me.
- He will get you!
1081
00:58:57,169 --> 00:59:00,593
Doug, get your hands offa me!
What the fuck is wrong wit' you?
1082
00:59:05,636 --> 00:59:08,721
Oh, you're the one that got
us out here in the hot heat!
1083
00:59:08,722 --> 00:59:11,307
Making me bang all on the
windows with my good church hat!
1084
00:59:11,308 --> 00:59:14,310
Hon, I could be at home
watchin' that new Madea movie!
1085
00:59:14,311 --> 00:59:15,978
What's the name of
that Madea movie...
1086
00:59:15,979 --> 00:59:17,647
with the little girl
from The Fresh Prince?
1087
00:59:17,648 --> 00:59:18,981
You know the one, she
played the head of NASA.
1088
00:59:18,982 --> 00:59:19,482
You know the one, she
played the head of NASA.
1089
00:59:19,483 --> 00:59:20,525
With the aliens!
1090
00:59:20,526 --> 00:59:23,653
- "Madea Goes To Mars"!
- "Madea Goes To Mars," that's it!
1091
00:59:23,654 --> 00:59:26,989
Hold on, ain't you that
brother that just moved...
1092
00:59:26,990 --> 00:59:29,959
into old Burton place?
1093
00:59:29,993 --> 00:59:32,245
- Yeah, it's just...
- With a white woman!
1094
00:59:32,246 --> 00:59:32,578
Well, she's not all the way white.
1095
00:59:32,579 --> 00:59:34,163
Well, she's not all the way white.
1096
00:59:34,164 --> 00:59:36,916
She's a white woman
damn near clear!
1097
00:59:36,917 --> 00:59:38,918
Come on now, it's 2013.
1098
00:59:38,919 --> 00:59:41,337
Interracial relationships
is not a big deal.
1099
00:59:41,338 --> 00:59:42,255
What?
1100
00:59:42,256 --> 00:59:44,590
You need to tell that
to the lonely sista.
1101
00:59:44,591 --> 00:59:46,217
Look at this one
right here. Right here!
1102
00:59:46,218 --> 00:59:46,259
Look at this one
right here. Right here!
1103
00:59:46,260 --> 00:59:48,261
Honey, show him how you
drop it like it's hot!
1104
00:59:48,262 --> 00:59:50,596
Hold up, Bertha, hold up. Hold up.
1105
00:59:50,597 --> 00:59:52,265
We ain't got no defibrillator.
1106
00:59:52,266 --> 00:59:54,183
You know what it is
with the white girl?
1107
00:59:54,184 --> 00:59:56,602
They do that cungalingus,
the finga-ligga-linga.
1108
00:59:56,603 --> 00:59:58,563
What is it, the fellatio?
1109
00:59:58,564 --> 00:59:59,814
That's what it is, they go deep.
1110
00:59:59,815 --> 01:00:00,940
That's what it is, they go deep.
1111
01:00:00,941 --> 01:00:04,360
- You know they ain't got no insides.
- I think that's my cue to go.
1112
01:00:04,361 --> 01:00:06,571
'Scuse me, sistas.
Have a good sermon.
1113
01:00:06,572 --> 01:00:11,284
- Where you goin'?
- Let it go! You're angry!
1114
01:00:11,285 --> 01:00:13,411
Brother be trippin',
that's why I got me...
1115
01:00:13,412 --> 01:00:13,494
Brother be trippin',
that's why I got me...
1116
01:00:13,495 --> 01:00:14,954
a white man at home.
1117
01:00:14,955 --> 01:00:17,583
- Yeah, girl.
- Vanilla my flavor.
1118
01:00:20,127 --> 01:00:22,420
- Hello, Malcolm.
- Professor Wilde, thank God.
1119
01:00:22,421 --> 01:00:24,171
I been tryin' to reach you!
1120
01:00:24,172 --> 01:00:26,465
I'm sorry, Malcolm,
I've been a bit tied up.
1121
01:00:26,466 --> 01:00:29,135
I haven't been able to
find any more on Ahghoul...
1122
01:00:29,136 --> 01:00:31,304
though my resources
are a bit limited.
1123
01:00:31,305 --> 01:00:33,973
Professor? Where the hell are you?
1124
01:00:33,974 --> 01:00:36,183
Doin' a stretch of five to ten.
1125
01:00:36,184 --> 01:00:38,978
Apparently the authorities
frown on sellin' meth...
1126
01:00:38,979 --> 01:00:40,646
to college students.
1127
01:00:40,647 --> 01:00:42,315
Yeah, apparently.
1128
01:00:42,316 --> 01:00:44,525
You need to hang up
that computer call...
1129
01:00:44,526 --> 01:00:47,445
come here and kiss
me on my hot mouth.
1130
01:00:47,446 --> 01:00:50,574
I'm feelin' romantical.
1131
01:00:50,699 --> 01:00:53,200
Well, Malcolm, I suppose
I should get going.
1132
01:00:53,201 --> 01:00:55,328
But I will be e-mailing you
the contacts of associates...
1133
01:00:55,329 --> 01:00:56,329
who'll be able to help.
1134
01:00:56,330 --> 01:00:58,122
I don't mean to be
pushy, but any way...
1135
01:00:58,123 --> 01:00:59,582
you could do that
before you get raped?
1136
01:00:59,583 --> 01:01:03,669
What part of Mandingo
party do you not understand?
1137
01:01:03,670 --> 01:01:06,631
It's time to power
the white rabbit.
1138
01:01:06,632 --> 01:01:07,465
You know.... dirty the snow.
1139
01:01:07,466 --> 01:01:09,639
You know.... dirty the snow.
1140
01:01:10,010 --> 01:01:13,184
- I'm screwed.
- It's not that bad.
1141
01:01:14,014 --> 01:01:17,063
Lights, please. Thank you.
1142
01:01:18,018 --> 01:01:21,020
So after several exhausting
days of the exorcism...
1143
01:01:21,021 --> 01:01:24,357
I threw some holy water on
her, read an incantation...
1144
01:01:24,358 --> 01:01:27,862
and the demon left
the woman's body.
1145
01:01:28,362 --> 01:01:31,322
I suppose I just
sat back and watched.
1146
01:01:31,323 --> 01:01:34,633
I mean, I'm just the medium
who puts her life in danger...
1147
01:01:34,701 --> 01:01:37,328
Every time she reaches
out to demonic forces.
1148
01:01:37,329 --> 01:01:40,122
But you've got a Bible and
a bottle of holy water...
1149
01:01:40,123 --> 01:01:42,333
so you make the
world a safer place!
1150
01:01:42,334 --> 01:01:44,210
The fact is, people,
is that God is real...
1151
01:01:44,211 --> 01:01:47,635
the Devil is real,
and monsters exist.
1152
01:01:48,006 --> 01:01:51,175
They're vicious,
terrifying entities!
1153
01:01:51,176 --> 01:01:54,011
But the good news is,
Santa Claus doesn't exist...
1154
01:01:54,012 --> 01:01:56,764
so you don't have to worry
about some creepy old guy...
1155
01:01:56,765 --> 01:01:59,350
- ...coming down your chimney.
- What exactly are you guys?
1156
01:01:59,351 --> 01:02:01,185
And who the fuck hired you?
1157
01:02:01,186 --> 01:02:01,936
You can call us Ned and Noreen.
1158
01:02:01,937 --> 01:02:03,688
You can call us Ned and Noreen.
1159
01:02:03,689 --> 01:02:06,273
See? This is why you don't
hire from Craig's List.
1160
01:02:06,274 --> 01:02:07,821
Asshole!
1161
01:02:10,028 --> 01:02:13,364
I don't understand why you
always have to take the credit!
1162
01:02:13,365 --> 01:02:15,533
I mean, even your name comes
first on our book cover...
1163
01:02:15,534 --> 01:02:16,242
I mean, even your name comes
first on our book cover...
1164
01:02:16,243 --> 01:02:18,035
and I am the one with a gift!
1165
01:02:18,036 --> 01:02:19,537
It's not my fault that
Ned comes before Noreen...
1166
01:02:19,538 --> 01:02:21,038
in alphabetical order!
1167
01:02:21,039 --> 01:02:23,374
Is that why Ned comes
before Noreen in the bedroom?
1168
01:02:23,375 --> 01:02:25,459
Just once I'd like you to do
that thing with your thumb...
1169
01:02:25,460 --> 01:02:27,545
and your forefinger. I think
they call it the "Shocker"?
1170
01:02:27,546 --> 01:02:29,171
Yeah, well, I would like
you to do that thing...
1171
01:02:29,172 --> 01:02:29,630
Yeah, well, I would like
you to do that thing...
1172
01:02:29,631 --> 01:02:31,549
with my balls and the Shocker...
1173
01:02:31,550 --> 01:02:33,634
Hi! Can we help you?
1174
01:02:33,635 --> 01:02:36,971
Yes. There's something
horrible happening in my house.
1175
01:02:36,972 --> 01:02:39,140
My family doesn't realize
what's going on, but I do!
1176
01:02:39,141 --> 01:02:41,642
I'm sure that there's
a rational explanation...
1177
01:02:41,643 --> 01:02:42,768
Please! They're white!
1178
01:02:42,769 --> 01:02:43,644
Please! They're white!
1179
01:02:43,645 --> 01:02:45,312
Why didn't you say that?
1180
01:02:45,313 --> 01:02:47,398
Oh, my God! You
should lead with that!
1181
01:02:47,399 --> 01:02:50,526
I mean, if you're black we just
assume that your hauntings are...
1182
01:02:50,527 --> 01:02:53,028
bill collectors or
racist police officers.
1183
01:02:53,029 --> 01:02:56,407
But 99% of all hauntings happen
to white people, that's a fact.
1184
01:02:56,408 --> 01:02:56,991
But 99% of all hauntings happen
to white people, that's a fact.
1185
01:02:56,992 --> 01:03:00,327
What he means to say is,
of course we'll help you.
1186
01:03:00,328 --> 01:03:01,370
Thank you so much.
1187
01:03:01,371 --> 01:03:03,330
So we're here to help you people.
1188
01:03:03,331 --> 01:03:05,750
And before you get worked up,
I mean "you people" as a couple.
1189
01:03:05,751 --> 01:03:07,752
It wasn't racist
till you explained it.
1190
01:03:07,753 --> 01:03:08,377
Yeah.
1191
01:03:08,378 --> 01:03:10,004
The bad news is, you have
a demon in your house.
1192
01:03:10,005 --> 01:03:11,505
The bad news is, you have
a demon in your house.
1193
01:03:11,506 --> 01:03:12,590
Here we go again.
1194
01:03:12,591 --> 01:03:15,509
Okay, wait. So the
house really is haunted?
1195
01:03:15,510 --> 01:03:19,013
Megan, it's not the
house that's haunted.
1196
01:03:19,014 --> 01:03:22,349
I knew it! I knew it! It's
always the little white girl.
1197
01:03:22,350 --> 01:03:23,601
Think about it. "The Exorcist",
"The Last Exorcism"...
1198
01:03:23,602 --> 01:03:25,186
Think about it. "The Exorcist",
"The Last Exorcism"...
1199
01:03:25,187 --> 01:03:27,521
"The Exorcism of Emily
Rose", all white girls.
1200
01:03:27,522 --> 01:03:29,356
'Cause ain't no black parents
gonna have no white girls...
1201
01:03:29,357 --> 01:03:31,275
talkin' like that.
"Bitch, whatta you mean?
1202
01:03:31,276 --> 01:03:33,402
Who're you cursin' at? And turn
the fuckin' air down in here!"
1203
01:03:33,403 --> 01:03:35,112
Malcolm, just listen for a second.
1204
01:03:35,113 --> 01:03:37,239
When we first met you,
there was something...
1205
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:37,615
When we first met you,
there was something...
1206
01:03:37,616 --> 01:03:39,658
attached to you.
1207
01:03:39,659 --> 01:03:42,286
That was a hemorrhoid.
That was... it's good now.
1208
01:03:42,287 --> 01:03:44,705
This dark entity has
attached itself to him...
1209
01:03:44,706 --> 01:03:47,082
and now it's feeding
off of all of you.
1210
01:03:47,083 --> 01:03:49,960
So what you're saying is that
this is all Malcolm's fault.
1211
01:03:49,961 --> 01:03:50,669
That's right.
1212
01:03:50,670 --> 01:03:50,836
Your family could've left here
at any time, but now you're stuck.
1213
01:03:50,837 --> 01:03:54,298
Your family could've left here
at any time, but now you're stuck.
1214
01:03:54,299 --> 01:03:56,634
Like a piece of toilet
paper stuck on your shoe...
1215
01:03:56,635 --> 01:03:58,135
when you leave the bathroom.
1216
01:03:58,136 --> 01:04:00,304
Your wife knew the whole time,
but she didn't tell you...
1217
01:04:00,305 --> 01:04:02,306
because she wanted
you to walk around...
1218
01:04:02,307 --> 01:04:04,475
- ...and look like an idiot.
- Get over it!
1219
01:04:04,476 --> 01:04:04,642
- ....and look like an idiot.
- Get over it!
1220
01:04:04,643 --> 01:04:07,019
I'm not the one who
had an affair with...
1221
01:04:07,020 --> 01:04:09,146
some low rent palm
reader from Akron!
1222
01:04:09,147 --> 01:04:11,190
And you never would've known
if you weren't a psychic!
1223
01:04:11,191 --> 01:04:13,659
But I am psychic, Ned!
1224
01:04:14,653 --> 01:04:15,986
What is that for?
1225
01:04:15,987 --> 01:04:18,072
What you're thinking about
doing to Megan in two seconds:
1226
01:04:18,073 --> 01:04:18,489
What you're thinking about
doing to Megan in two seconds:
1227
01:04:18,490 --> 01:04:21,493
One, two, see?
1228
01:04:23,995 --> 01:04:25,996
We came on short notice.
1229
01:04:25,997 --> 01:04:28,165
We may need an extra pair of hands.
1230
01:04:28,166 --> 01:04:32,011
- Anyone you trust to help?
- I know a guy. He's Mexican.
1231
01:04:33,630 --> 01:04:36,178
Megan, let's go to your contacts.
1232
01:04:38,969 --> 01:04:40,177
Hey, nice camera.
1233
01:04:40,178 --> 01:04:43,097
I take it your third cousin
owns electronics shops.
1234
01:04:43,098 --> 01:04:44,098
Somethin' like that.
1235
01:04:44,099 --> 01:04:45,307
He sells them out of
the back of his truck.
1236
01:04:45,308 --> 01:04:45,641
He sells them out of
the back of his truck.
1237
01:04:45,642 --> 01:04:47,977
It's a mobile operation.
Let me know if you want one.
1238
01:04:47,978 --> 01:04:50,062
Hey, Ned, something weird.
1239
01:04:50,063 --> 01:04:53,315
All these clocks stop at 3:27
when the hauntings happen.
1240
01:04:53,316 --> 01:04:57,787
Normally, it's 3:07.
Nope, we're on CP time.
1241
01:04:58,154 --> 01:04:58,529
The demon will manifest
itself in many ways.
1242
01:04:58,530 --> 01:05:01,115
The demon will manifest
itself in many ways.
1243
01:05:01,116 --> 01:05:03,200
To your son, it's
his imaginary friend.
1244
01:05:03,201 --> 01:05:05,536
To your daughter it's
the voice inside the box.
1245
01:05:05,537 --> 01:05:08,122
For Malcolm it's that
sexy little doll Abigail.
1246
01:05:08,123 --> 01:05:09,665
See? It's a manifestation!
1247
01:05:09,666 --> 01:05:11,667
You think I'd bang
a doll for no reason?
1248
01:05:11,668 --> 01:05:12,126
- Malcolm! Shut up.
- What we're about to do...
1249
01:05:12,127 --> 01:05:13,669
- Malcolm! Shut up.
- What we're about to do...
1250
01:05:13,670 --> 01:05:17,339
is the first step in banishing
the demon to the netherworld.
1251
01:05:17,340 --> 01:05:18,507
What is that?
1252
01:05:18,508 --> 01:05:21,343
This helps me communicate
with the demon.
1253
01:05:21,344 --> 01:05:24,430
Organic, hydroponically
grown OG Kush.
1254
01:05:24,431 --> 01:05:25,723
Very strong.
1255
01:05:25,724 --> 01:05:27,683
Very strong.
1256
01:05:27,684 --> 01:05:30,653
This is some good shit.
1257
01:05:31,730 --> 01:05:35,691
- Pass the man the shit.
- We grow it ourselves.
1258
01:05:35,692 --> 01:05:39,278
- High water bill.
- That's that shit right there!
1259
01:05:39,279 --> 01:05:39,361
Let me get another hit.
I'm goin' to the further.
1260
01:05:39,362 --> 01:05:41,739
Let me get another hit.
I'm goin' to the further.
1261
01:05:41,948 --> 01:05:43,415
Tony!
1262
01:05:43,658 --> 01:05:46,581
Tony, where are you?
1263
01:05:48,955 --> 01:05:51,423
Smells like that OG Kush.
1264
01:05:58,632 --> 01:06:00,429
Mom!
1265
01:06:02,636 --> 01:06:04,103
Becky!
1266
01:06:05,972 --> 01:06:06,597
- Cool!
- Wyatt, get upstairs!
1267
01:06:06,598 --> 01:06:08,015
- Cool!
- Wyatt, get upstairs!
1268
01:06:08,016 --> 01:06:10,769
Fuck you, you bitch!
1269
01:06:11,978 --> 01:06:13,979
Why are you tying
my baby to a chair?
1270
01:06:13,980 --> 01:06:15,648
Because the bitch
got a demon in her!
1271
01:06:15,649 --> 01:06:16,982
Make it stop!
1272
01:06:16,983 --> 01:06:19,985
This is some scary
Cucui shit right here.
1273
01:06:19,986 --> 01:06:20,194
I don't know who Cucui is.
1274
01:06:20,195 --> 01:06:21,445
I don't know who Cucui is.
1275
01:06:21,446 --> 01:06:23,447
A Cucui is a ghetto
Mexican bogeyman.
1276
01:06:23,448 --> 01:06:26,492
- Like George Lopez.
- I know, huh?
1277
01:06:26,493 --> 01:06:29,244
I agree, it is scary as fuck.
1278
01:06:29,245 --> 01:06:31,789
This spirit is more
powerful than I thought.
1279
01:06:31,790 --> 01:06:33,791
We're gonna need to get a priest
to perform a real exorcism.
1280
01:06:33,792 --> 01:06:34,959
We're gonna need to get a priest
to perform a real exorcism.
1281
01:06:34,960 --> 01:06:38,430
I know a guy! He's a
little unconventional.
1282
01:06:39,631 --> 01:06:41,758
I don't know, Malcolm.
1283
01:06:41,967 --> 01:06:43,968
I know, that bitch
don't look right.
1284
01:06:43,969 --> 01:06:46,971
Why you gotta call her a bitch?
You disrespectin' the little ho.
1285
01:06:46,972 --> 01:06:47,429
Nigga, did you just sell me out?
1286
01:06:47,430 --> 01:06:48,305
Nigga, did you just sell me out?
1287
01:06:48,306 --> 01:06:50,474
There's certain words
that trigger white folk.
1288
01:06:50,475 --> 01:06:52,977
I mean, bitch, ho, slut.
1289
01:06:52,978 --> 01:06:53,978
No offense.
1290
01:06:53,979 --> 01:06:56,447
You can't say those words.
That's like our ni...
1291
01:06:56,982 --> 01:06:58,315
What the hell are
you talking about?
1292
01:06:58,316 --> 01:06:58,983
Fuck him.
1293
01:06:58,984 --> 01:07:03,320
- We would never say that.
- Only behind closed doors.
1294
01:07:03,321 --> 01:07:07,241
I mean, I wouldn't say it in a
bus or at the Atlanta Airport...
1295
01:07:07,242 --> 01:07:10,369
or in a parking lot of a KFC,
but, yeah, I would say it.
1296
01:07:10,370 --> 01:07:12,329
I got your back.
1297
01:07:12,330 --> 01:07:14,415
This is a lovely
scarf you're wearing.
1298
01:07:14,416 --> 01:07:16,166
It's a sash, you
know what I'm sayin'?
1299
01:07:16,167 --> 01:07:18,544
I'm selling these. This a
part of my new clothin' line...
1300
01:07:18,545 --> 01:07:21,505
"Jesus Pieces", and I got like
the shoe that the Popee wearin'...
1301
01:07:21,506 --> 01:07:25,342
in leather, suede, in green,
brown, and the Pope hats!
1302
01:07:25,343 --> 01:07:28,512
- You know what, that's enough.
- Thank you so much.
1303
01:07:28,513 --> 01:07:30,597
That's right.
1304
01:07:30,598 --> 01:07:34,068
Can we help my daughter please?
1305
01:07:34,185 --> 01:07:36,562
Hell, she went really
white girl on me.
1306
01:07:36,563 --> 01:07:38,605
"Oh, my God!" I was like, whoa!
1307
01:07:38,606 --> 01:07:41,442
- Speaking of white...
- Are you doin' cocaine again?
1308
01:07:41,443 --> 01:07:43,945
Cocaine? No, man,
this stuffs molly!
1309
01:07:45,280 --> 01:07:46,280
Can I try?
1310
01:07:46,281 --> 01:07:48,499
It's all good, it's all good.
1311
01:07:49,451 --> 01:07:51,285
I'm gonna take a
little pinch for later.
1312
01:07:51,286 --> 01:07:52,953
He's just bringing his drugs?
1313
01:07:52,954 --> 01:07:54,955
- It's molly.
- Wrap it up!
1314
01:07:54,956 --> 01:07:56,924
Hey, chill. Calm down, man.
1315
01:08:03,465 --> 01:08:05,466
Y'alls have some crazy
ass motherfuckers.
1316
01:08:05,467 --> 01:08:07,468
Y'all thought I was
gonna shoot this bitch?
1317
01:08:07,469 --> 01:08:09,636
I'm just gonna pistol
whip her until she weakens.
1318
01:08:09,637 --> 01:08:11,638
You're not pistol
whipping my daughter!
1319
01:08:11,639 --> 01:08:13,640
I am not pistol
whipping my daughter.
1320
01:08:13,641 --> 01:08:15,768
The man's a genius.
1321
01:08:18,063 --> 01:08:21,648
In the name of the Father
and the Holy Ghost...
1322
01:08:21,649 --> 01:08:24,109
I need three other white people.
1323
01:08:24,110 --> 01:08:26,528
Peyton Manning! Kristen Stewart.
1324
01:08:26,529 --> 01:08:28,121
Paula Dean!
1325
01:08:29,991 --> 01:08:31,325
Malcolm, where's Doug?
1326
01:08:31,326 --> 01:08:33,535
I can't find his
black ass in this dark!
1327
01:08:33,536 --> 01:08:35,412
- Where the hell is he?
- Look for eyes!
1328
01:08:35,413 --> 01:08:37,081
Like a forest
creature in a cartoon.
1329
01:08:37,082 --> 01:08:38,583
Father Doug!
1330
01:08:38,917 --> 01:08:40,918
He's over here! He's over here!
1331
01:08:40,919 --> 01:08:43,922
Doug, no! Nigga, please don't.
1332
01:08:44,089 --> 01:08:45,923
Father, please don't!
1333
01:08:45,924 --> 01:08:46,715
No, wait!
1334
01:08:46,716 --> 01:08:49,259
It's better if he points the
gun at himself and not at us.
1335
01:08:49,260 --> 01:08:51,929
- Just talk to him, Malcolm.
- Listen to my voice, okay, Doug?
1336
01:08:51,930 --> 01:08:55,265
This is not what niggas
do! We don't do suicide!
1337
01:08:55,266 --> 01:08:57,434
Murder, yes! Suicide?
1338
01:08:57,435 --> 01:08:59,269
That's what they do.
1339
01:08:59,270 --> 01:09:03,115
Yeah, we do that. I've
tried at least 20 times.
1340
01:09:03,566 --> 01:09:06,151
Motherfucker got me acting
all crazy, actin' the fool!
1341
01:09:06,152 --> 01:09:08,746
You know damn well I
wouldn't peel my own cap!
1342
01:09:09,948 --> 01:09:12,282
I can't stop it! I can't stop it!
1343
01:09:12,283 --> 01:09:15,285
There's somethin' in my head that's
tellin' me to blow off my head.
1344
01:09:15,286 --> 01:09:17,412
Is it this head? Is it this head?
1345
01:09:17,413 --> 01:09:19,581
No, no, no! Yeah, up there!
1346
01:09:19,582 --> 01:09:23,127
Evenin' break. Who wants a mojito?
1347
01:09:23,128 --> 01:09:25,295
Oh, the black guy still got a gun.
1348
01:09:25,296 --> 01:09:28,382
Oh, God! This demon is
a son of a bitch, man!
1349
01:09:28,383 --> 01:09:30,968
Father, why have you abandoned me?
1350
01:09:30,969 --> 01:09:34,429
Is it 'cause I cuss a
lot, even during prayer?
1351
01:09:34,430 --> 01:09:36,932
Amen, motherfucker sour dough.
1352
01:09:36,933 --> 01:09:38,100
Is it because...
1353
01:09:38,101 --> 01:09:42,104
I don't get Ryan
Seacrest? I don't get him.
1354
01:09:42,105 --> 01:09:43,188
I know what it is...
1355
01:09:43,189 --> 01:09:45,607
'cause I dressed up as
a foreclosure sign...
1356
01:09:45,608 --> 01:09:47,943
when people was getting
kicked out they house.
1357
01:09:47,944 --> 01:09:49,945
On Halloween I just stood there.
1358
01:09:49,946 --> 01:09:52,281
I know it was wrong,
but it was funny to me.
1359
01:09:52,282 --> 01:09:55,284
Out all of the people
on the Brady Bunch...
1360
01:09:55,285 --> 01:09:57,286
it was Alice that I wanted to fuck.
1361
01:09:57,287 --> 01:10:01,165
In the station wagon, on top
of Mr. Brady architect desk.
1362
01:10:01,166 --> 01:10:03,625
Just used it for
protractors and rulers.
1363
01:10:03,626 --> 01:10:07,296
Is because I actually kinda
thought that it was okay...
1364
01:10:07,297 --> 01:10:09,131
that Chris Brown hit Rihanna?
1365
01:10:09,132 --> 01:10:12,134
I know that bitch hit him
first! She talk too much shit!
1366
01:10:12,135 --> 01:10:14,136
Shit, Island Girl,
whatcha doin' to Chris?
1367
01:10:14,137 --> 01:10:16,138
Why you goin' hoodies
bitchin' on my Chris?
1368
01:10:16,139 --> 01:10:17,514
Shut the fuck up, bitch!
1369
01:10:17,515 --> 01:10:20,309
- Somebody help me.
- Doug! Fight it, Doug!
1370
01:10:20,310 --> 01:10:24,188
No! Nigga, that's a bigass
gun! That's gonna hurt, nigga.
1371
01:10:24,189 --> 01:10:27,112
Malcolm, he has a message for you.
1372
01:10:27,984 --> 01:10:31,158
He says... "Huh, bitch?"
1373
01:10:36,701 --> 01:10:38,702
We're gonna need another priest!
1374
01:10:38,703 --> 01:10:41,163
It's too late. I have
to perform the exorcism.
1375
01:10:41,164 --> 01:10:42,164
It's true.
1376
01:10:42,165 --> 01:10:44,416
Although Ned's only formal
training was a "Ghostbusters"...
1377
01:10:44,417 --> 01:10:46,210
summer camp back in 1988.
1378
01:10:46,211 --> 01:10:48,337
Never cross a stream.
Never cross them.
1379
01:10:48,338 --> 01:10:51,340
And he is dumb! I
mean, dumb, dumb, dumb!
1380
01:10:51,341 --> 01:10:53,675
The point is, you can do this!
1381
01:10:53,676 --> 01:10:56,053
Do you remember what you said
to me on our wedding night?
1382
01:10:56,054 --> 01:10:58,513
"I have whiskey dick and I'll
make it up to you in the morning."
1383
01:10:58,514 --> 01:11:01,725
No! You said God brought
us together for a reason.
1384
01:11:01,726 --> 01:11:03,560
Doesn't sound like me.
1385
01:11:03,561 --> 01:11:07,611
- Must've been really drunk.
- Just fucking do it, dummy!
1386
01:11:19,535 --> 01:11:21,370
- Becky!
- Did it work?
1387
01:11:21,371 --> 01:11:25,592
- I'm sorry for everything!
- I think you did it!
1388
01:11:34,300 --> 01:11:37,469
- Oh, fuck that!
- Oh, my God!
1389
01:11:37,470 --> 01:11:40,769
Time to die!
1390
01:11:42,141 --> 01:11:44,476
- It was him! It was him!
- Don't be like that!
1391
01:11:44,477 --> 01:11:46,149
It actually was him.
1392
01:11:46,646 --> 01:11:50,150
- Got him in the knee.
- That looked like it hurt, jeez.
1393
01:11:55,113 --> 01:11:58,115
- That's what you call a blowjob.
- A leaf blower?
1394
01:11:58,116 --> 01:11:59,658
- Don't judge me.
- Malcolm!
1395
01:11:59,659 --> 01:12:03,754
Demon, you leave
our daughter alone!
1396
01:12:04,706 --> 01:12:06,999
That's not your daughter anymore!
1397
01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:09,167
I didn't mean like
a daughter daughter...
1398
01:12:09,168 --> 01:12:11,170
Seriously? Malcolm, help her!
1399
01:12:11,337 --> 01:12:14,590
- Okay. Goddamnit!
- Go get 'em, buddy.
1400
01:12:15,383 --> 01:12:18,468
- Wyatt, are you okay?
- Yeah, but Becky...
1401
01:12:18,469 --> 01:12:21,142
she looks pretty fucked up.
1402
01:12:22,223 --> 01:12:24,266
Demon, I'll make you a deal.
1403
01:12:24,267 --> 01:12:26,184
How about, you leave,
and we'll pretend...
1404
01:12:26,185 --> 01:12:28,520
- ...none of this ever happened.
- The bitch is mine!
1405
01:12:28,521 --> 01:12:30,731
You heard the man, the
bitch is his. I tried.
1406
01:12:30,732 --> 01:12:31,732
Seriously?
1407
01:12:31,733 --> 01:12:33,984
She said the bitch is his.
That's pretty emphatic.
1408
01:12:33,985 --> 01:12:37,113
Malcolm, please help
me. I'm so sorry.
1409
01:12:37,989 --> 01:12:41,658
Becky will rot in hell!
1410
01:12:41,659 --> 01:12:42,993
Okay, which one is it?
1411
01:12:42,994 --> 01:12:44,995
Rot in hell or you
want me to help you?
1412
01:12:44,996 --> 01:12:47,794
- Malcolm, help her!
- The bitch is confusing me!
1413
01:12:47,999 --> 01:12:50,000
Demon, you leave her alone!
1414
01:12:50,001 --> 01:12:52,336
You take me instead!
1415
01:12:52,337 --> 01:12:53,670
Deal.
1416
01:12:53,671 --> 01:12:56,640
Wait, no, no, no.
Here, take him instead!
1417
01:13:01,012 --> 01:13:03,013
I haven't heard a demon
scream for a while.
1418
01:13:03,014 --> 01:13:04,514
I think it's safe
to go back up there.
1419
01:13:04,515 --> 01:13:07,351
- I still have a bad feeling.
- For God's sake, come on, guys!
1420
01:13:07,352 --> 01:13:09,695
- Come on!
- All right.
1421
01:13:11,189 --> 01:13:15,150
Oh, my God! Wyatt,
get upstairs right now!
1422
01:13:15,151 --> 01:13:17,361
They're cuddling! The demon's gone!
1423
01:13:17,362 --> 01:13:20,197
I did it! This house is clean!
1424
01:13:20,198 --> 01:13:21,531
Look at his eyes!
1425
01:13:21,532 --> 01:13:23,700
They're rolling to
the back of his head!
1426
01:13:23,701 --> 01:13:25,202
I think he's possessed.
1427
01:13:25,203 --> 01:13:27,204
That's the face he makes
when he has an orgasm.
1428
01:13:27,205 --> 01:13:30,123
- I think he's okay, you guys.
- This is not over.
1429
01:13:30,124 --> 01:13:33,627
- Are you guys watching this?
- Yes, we're watching it, dummy!
1430
01:13:33,628 --> 01:13:36,171
I'm so intrigued by this.
1431
01:13:36,172 --> 01:13:40,258
Oh, man! He's all twisted
up like a chocolate pretzel!
1432
01:13:40,259 --> 01:13:45,305
Such flexibility and dexterity!
This is making me queasy!
1433
01:13:45,306 --> 01:13:49,226
- He could suck his own dick.
- Somebody please help me!
1434
01:13:49,227 --> 01:13:50,394
If I could do that...
1435
01:13:50,395 --> 01:13:52,687
I don't think I'd
ever talk to you again.
1436
01:13:52,688 --> 01:13:55,111
Stop it, you unholy demon!
1437
01:13:56,150 --> 01:13:58,869
- That is greasy shit!
- Probably Murray's.
1438
01:13:59,570 --> 01:14:02,038
The power of Christ compels you!
1439
01:14:02,657 --> 01:14:05,325
It burn like bum piss!
That means it's working!
1440
01:14:05,326 --> 01:14:07,661
Pour the whole thing, like
I just won the Super Bowl!
1441
01:14:07,662 --> 01:14:09,789
- Go!
- Are you crazy?
1442
01:14:13,334 --> 01:14:16,132
Is that all you got, bitch?
1443
01:14:31,769 --> 01:14:34,187
Wait, guys! Stop! Everybody stop!
1444
01:14:34,188 --> 01:14:38,108
- Malcolm, are you okay?
- No, I think I'm gonna be sick.
1445
01:14:38,109 --> 01:14:39,405
What?
1446
01:14:39,569 --> 01:14:41,611
Oh, God. Oh, God.
1447
01:14:41,612 --> 01:14:44,114
Oh, my God, I can't...
1448
01:14:47,952 --> 01:14:51,955
- Puking like a runway model.
- I'm good. I'm good.
1449
01:14:51,956 --> 01:14:54,458
You're gonna want to
Febreeze all of this.
1450
01:14:54,459 --> 01:14:56,460
You're gonna wanna just clean this.
1451
01:14:56,461 --> 01:14:59,089
I feel so much better now.
1452
01:15:03,968 --> 01:15:06,812
Can't be too sure. Oh, shit.
1453
01:15:07,138 --> 01:15:09,055
I gotta get the hell outta here.
1454
01:15:09,056 --> 01:15:10,682
Once they see a black
guy in a pool of blood...
1455
01:15:10,683 --> 01:15:12,642
you know who they're
gonna come after next..
1456
01:15:12,643 --> 01:15:14,440
I gotta go.
1457
01:15:14,645 --> 01:15:18,648
- Now this place is clean.
- It sounded better when I said it.
1458
01:15:18,649 --> 01:15:20,275
Get the box.
1459
01:15:20,276 --> 01:15:23,028
- Thank you, guys, so much.
- No need to thank us.
1460
01:15:23,029 --> 01:15:24,696
We're happy to help. Come on, Ned.
1461
01:15:24,697 --> 01:15:26,740
And we'll just take
Abigail with us...
1462
01:15:26,741 --> 01:15:28,325
as well, for safekeeping.
1463
01:15:28,326 --> 01:15:30,327
Yeah, I know what you plannin'
on doing with that doll.
1464
01:15:30,328 --> 01:15:32,662
- No, I'm a professional.
- She's a freak bitch.
1465
01:15:32,663 --> 01:15:33,330
Stop it.
1466
01:15:33,331 --> 01:15:36,041
How come Noreen ain't
pickin' up on the vibes?
1467
01:15:36,042 --> 01:15:38,126
You know how when you
try to last longer...
1468
01:15:38,127 --> 01:15:39,586
you think about baseball?
1469
01:15:39,587 --> 01:15:41,713
It's kind of like that.
Throws a haze in their head.
1470
01:15:41,714 --> 01:15:44,466
It's the only way to survive
when you're married to a psychic.
1471
01:15:44,467 --> 01:15:45,342
Come on, Ned.
1472
01:15:45,343 --> 01:15:48,471
I know you're thinking
about fucking that doll.
1473
01:15:54,519 --> 01:15:56,771
- You're had enough.
- Bye, doll.
1474
01:16:00,983 --> 01:16:04,986
It's so nice being able to
just relax on the couch...
1475
01:16:04,987 --> 01:16:07,455
and watch "The Bachelorettes".
1476
01:16:11,619 --> 01:16:14,621
- You didn't hear that?
- What?
1477
01:16:14,622 --> 01:16:17,207
My nigga senses is tinglin'.
1478
01:16:17,208 --> 01:16:19,000
It's like my Spidey senses.
1479
01:16:19,001 --> 01:16:22,170
Would you hush? It is fine!
1480
01:16:22,171 --> 01:16:24,969
My white senses say we're fine.
1481
01:16:25,174 --> 01:16:27,676
Everything's okay. It's over.
1482
01:16:27,677 --> 01:16:31,807
- Okay? It's over.
- Okay, okay. I'm trippin'.
1483
01:16:33,933 --> 01:16:36,401
Listen to that, whiteness!
1484
01:16:43,943 --> 01:16:46,278
You already know how it's
going down, motherfuckers...
1485
01:16:46,279 --> 01:16:47,070
all right?
1486
01:16:47,071 --> 01:16:49,072
I looked in my Dora
the Explorer app...
1487
01:16:49,073 --> 01:16:51,074
this the motherfuckin'
correct address.
1488
01:16:51,075 --> 01:16:54,077
This ain't a drive-by, homie,
okay? This a walk-in, homie.
1489
01:16:54,078 --> 01:16:56,413
So ain't no escapin'! My
cousin is in here, Cuz!
1490
01:16:56,414 --> 01:16:57,915
Y'all ready?
1491
01:16:59,125 --> 01:17:01,042
Hey, yo, Malcolm!
1492
01:17:01,043 --> 01:17:03,762
Whassup my niggie? I'm here, Cuz!
1493
01:17:05,506 --> 01:17:08,300
What the fuck are you
doin', man? I gotta...
1494
01:17:08,301 --> 01:17:10,599
This is bullshit! Oh, my God!
1495
01:17:11,137 --> 01:17:13,435
I'm scared as fuck!
1496
01:17:16,642 --> 01:17:17,767
I'm good, dog.
1497
01:17:17,768 --> 01:17:20,771
Let me get my motherfuckin'
bearings together, homie.
1498
01:17:22,607 --> 01:17:25,108
All right, let's
go up in there, Cuz.
1499
01:17:25,109 --> 01:17:26,651
It smell like dead ass...
1500
01:17:26,652 --> 01:17:29,154
Baloney and sweat socks
up in there, homie.
1501
01:17:29,155 --> 01:17:31,656
It smell like Honey Boo
Boo's boo-boo, homie!
1502
01:17:31,657 --> 01:17:33,283
Malcolm?
1503
01:17:33,284 --> 01:17:35,582
Where you at, Cuz?
1504
01:17:39,123 --> 01:17:41,124
Ain't nobody in here, Cuz.
1505
01:17:41,125 --> 01:17:44,127
Oh, shit! Megan got fucked up!
1506
01:17:44,128 --> 01:17:47,047
Head twisted all backwards, niggie.
1507
01:17:47,048 --> 01:17:49,966
Now, upon further
examination, my niggie...
1508
01:17:49,967 --> 01:17:52,135
this white bitch smell
like she been dead...
1509
01:17:52,136 --> 01:17:53,428
about a week, maybe two.
1510
01:17:53,429 --> 01:17:55,430
I watch "Dexter",
niggie, "CSI New York"...
1511
01:17:55,431 --> 01:17:56,973
"Love 'N Hip-Hop Atlanta".
1512
01:17:56,974 --> 01:17:59,309
Don't nobody get killed on
there, but they need to, my nigga.
1513
01:17:59,310 --> 01:18:01,144
Stevie J, you know what I'm sayin'?
1514
01:18:01,145 --> 01:18:03,613
This bitch smell like poverty, Cuz!
1515
01:18:04,148 --> 01:18:06,691
Tae kwon do! Oh, shit!
1516
01:18:06,692 --> 01:18:09,786
They done killed the little
mini white bitch, too, Cuz!
1517
01:18:10,988 --> 01:18:14,867
Fuck happened down here, Cuz?
1518
01:18:15,660 --> 01:18:17,161
Hello?
1519
01:18:18,663 --> 01:18:19,704
Hello?
1520
01:18:19,705 --> 01:18:22,666
Oh, shit! There's
another dead body, Cuz.
1521
01:18:22,667 --> 01:18:26,586
Who the fuck is it,
though? Who the fuck is it?
1522
01:18:26,587 --> 01:18:29,089
Oh, God, it's Malcolm!
1523
01:18:29,090 --> 01:18:32,008
They done kill my Cuz, Cuz!
1524
01:18:32,009 --> 01:18:34,928
It's like Boyz 'N the Hood,
he's supposed to go to college!
1525
01:18:34,929 --> 01:18:37,681
Why the fuck they let Dough
Boy live and Ricky dead?
1526
01:18:37,682 --> 01:18:40,731
Dough Boy was the evil nigga, Cuz!
1527
01:18:41,102 --> 01:18:43,311
I can't believe it!
1528
01:18:43,312 --> 01:18:46,065
See if the nigga got
some money, though.
1529
01:18:51,946 --> 01:18:54,072
What you hit me for, Cuz?
1530
01:18:54,073 --> 01:18:56,616
You know better than to be
poppin' up on me like that, Cuz!
1531
01:18:56,617 --> 01:18:59,285
You get knocked out every
motherfuckin' time, homie.
1532
01:18:59,286 --> 01:19:02,084
World star! World star!
1533
01:19:02,289 --> 01:19:03,707
You hit me with a brick!
1534
01:19:03,708 --> 01:19:05,709
Where's my family? Are they okay?
1535
01:19:05,710 --> 01:19:07,293
Nigga, they dead as butt!
1536
01:19:07,294 --> 01:19:08,962
All of them? Even the little boy?
1537
01:19:08,963 --> 01:19:11,214
He's on the back of a
motherfuckin' milk carton, niggie!
1538
01:19:11,215 --> 01:19:13,012
Good. He may have lived.
1539
01:19:13,300 --> 01:19:14,718
Where's Kisha?
1540
01:19:14,719 --> 01:19:17,768
Nigga, I don't know where
the fuck Kisha is at, Cuz!
1541
01:19:18,305 --> 01:19:20,557
- She did this shit!
- Kisha did this shit?
1542
01:19:20,558 --> 01:19:22,475
The white girl's
neck, snapped it back.
1543
01:19:22,476 --> 01:19:25,228
- Kisha did that shit?
- That bitch is gangsta, Cuz!
1544
01:19:25,229 --> 01:19:27,313
I need to jump on her
and mount her, Cuz!
1545
01:19:27,314 --> 01:19:29,482
I came down to the basement
on some creep shit...
1546
01:19:29,483 --> 01:19:31,401
I was just sittin' here
waitin' for this bitch like:
1547
01:19:31,402 --> 01:19:33,570
"Nigga, what?" "Bitch,
you want some of this?
1548
01:19:33,571 --> 01:19:35,613
"So I'm gonna stay
here incog-negro...
1549
01:19:35,614 --> 01:19:37,574
up under this blanket
like nigga, like what.
1550
01:19:37,575 --> 01:19:39,576
Let my sneakers be
all, so she be like...
1551
01:19:39,577 --> 01:19:41,035
"That nigga be dead."
1552
01:19:41,036 --> 01:19:43,663
Then all like, "Bitch,
you want some of this?"
1553
01:19:43,664 --> 01:19:46,207
You can't kill me!
I'm like a roach!
1554
01:19:46,208 --> 01:19:48,084
I don't die, I multiply!
1555
01:19:48,085 --> 01:19:51,805
I got God on my side, bitch!
1556
01:19:53,090 --> 01:19:56,050
Twinkle, twinkle little star...
1557
01:19:56,051 --> 01:19:58,386
She's right behind me, isn't she?
1558
01:19:58,387 --> 01:20:01,561
How I wonder...120096
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tatar
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof