All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S07E05.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

- Do you know what this means?

- No. I need a "previously on."

- Previously on 30 rock...

- It all comes down to Florida.

And they will do whatever I say.

[All cheer]

- Jenna and her 2
million Twitter followers

might decide the election.

And if we figured this out,

that means Jack figured
it out 10 minutes ago.

- Go! Now! Before
I lose interest!

[Exciting orchestral music]

- Going somewhere, Lemon?
- Nothing!

Damn it!

- Liz, there you are.

I need you to marry me so I
don't get sent back to Canada.

- Really? Now you have a thing?

♪ ♪

- Don't know why
I was so worried

about bringing my
marble collection to work.

Butterfingers!

♪ ♪

Why do we have that?

Both: Jenna, we have to talk.
- Me first,

because I'm your best friend
and this is very important.

- You know what? Talk to Lemon.

I'll find someone else for
my thing you're not right for.

- What thing? I was born for it.

Am I not blonde enough?

Because I'll put my
head in a microwave.

- Jenna, stop. It's a trick.

He just needs you,
because you're gonna decide

the presidential election.

It's all about northern Florida,
and they love you down there.

- Tell me about it.

Jacksonville's naming
their new airport...

Sized strip club after me.

No bottoms.

- Just one tweet from you to
your fans, and Romney wins.

It'll be historic.

The first really,
really rich president.

- No, don't listen to him.

What america needs
is four more years

of the stuff Obama's been doing.

Like, um...

Uh, the one with the guy.

It was at night, and I feel like
he was standing next to a fence.

- This country
needs mitt Romney.

- Like it needs a
hole in the head.

- A head has five holes,
and they are all needed.

- Okay, you two can talk
about america all you want,

but I'm not gonna listen,

because there's no
"I" or "me" in america.

- There's both.

- I mean, if I'm
gonna get political,

it's gonna be to build a better
country for Jenna Maroney.

- Jenna, this is
a really big deal.

- I agree.

It's an opportunity to finally

put a pro-Jenna president
in the white house.

Someone who
respects the human fetus

and recognizes its
value as a hair volumizer.

You have 24 hours, then
we'll all meet back here,

and you present your cases.

Maybe I'll ask questions.

Maybe you two can
take turns arguing.

- Like debate?

- Like DeBarge? I love DeBarge!

- No, Jenna, I said...

- I love DeBarge too, Jenna.

- Point Jack. Looks like you
have some work to do, Liz.

[Upbeat jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Mr. Jordan, it's here.

It's finally here!
- What is?

- My absentee ballot
from stone mountain.

Until this year, I
wasn't allowed to vote

because reverend Gary
said choosing is a sin,

but then reverend Todd
said, "reverend Gary is dead.

Long live reverend
Todd," so here we are!

- Good for you, k-rock.

Voting is a great
American tradition

like laziness, or, uh...

Eh...
- I'm so excited!

I mean, the Parcells
have been in this country

since we went berserk and
murdered everybody at roanoke,

but I never felt like a
true American until today.

Like how you must've
felt four years ago

when you finally got to vote for
a president who looks like you.

- Black Shrek ran for president?

- No, sir. Obama.

- I forgot about that half-nerd.

Probably because
I get all my news

from social media, and I've
been banned from all social media.

- You have? Why?

- Someone has to
be the first person

to make a joke
after a celebrity dies.

I guess I was a little "too
soon" with Andy Griffith.

- What did you say?

I can't UN-hear it.
I can't UN-hear it!

- Happy election
Eve! Obama 2012.

The first
African-American president

ever to be up for
reelection. Whoo! Historical.

- Dude, that's not
happening this year.

No one's that excited.
- Then get excited.

Remember how fun it was in 2008?

Come on, we'll have a
party, watch the returns,

maybe invite the
security guards.

- Oh, my god. Is
this about Maria?

[All cheering]

- Barack Obama is elected
to be the next president

of the United States of america.

- America!

- That whole night was
a one-time thing, Pete.

No one's gonna get that
psyched a second time.

- Why not? It's like when you
do karaoke and everyone's like,

"that was a really good
American pie, Pete.

You knew all the words,"

and then you put it on again

and everyone leaves
because no one can top it.

That's what this
is gonna be like.

Four more years!

Four more years!
That's the spirit!

Four more years!

- Okay, Jack.

I was hoping that we could
get through this "campaign"

without going negative.

- I agree.

You're the one
using negative words

like "without" and "negative."

- Uh-huh.

So, what was that attack ad
that I saw on the TGS feed?

- Liz Lemon says she's
Jenna Maroney's friend,

but let's look at the facts.

In 2011, Liz said...

The same polyps
Jenna had prayed for.

And what does Liz say when
she's behind closed doors?

Really, Liz?

Liz Lemon...

- Research indicates
that that ad is polling

quite well with both manic
and depressive Jenna.

- You know Jenna's
a liberal, Jack.

She's a slut monster,

and one of gay
america's top hags.

But this is what you do.

You trick people into voting
against their own interests,

and then you sell them
out at the drop of a hat.

- First of all, I have never
dropped a hat in my life.

And don't be so sure
about Jenna's politics.

She's aging, mean, and rich.
That sounds republican to me.

- Jenna is overly
sensitive, prone to hysteria,

and having been
shot and left for dead

in three different
deserts, pro gun control.

She is one of us.

- Unbelievable.

Seven years I've
been mentoring you,

and I haven't been able
to move you an inch.

Good god, Lemon.

Enough with the histrionics.

- Herstrionics.

- Since you've known me,
I've been right about no less

than everything
always, yet you persist

in this impotent
emotional weltanschauung.

And it's not just politics.

For instance, I bet you
bought those hideous shoes

for some emotional reason.

- For every pair you buy,
they give a pair to a child

that was forced to work in the
factory that makes these shoes.

It's not great, but
you know what?

I'm the one who's in a
stable relationship, Jack.

I like my job,

and I am one punch
away from getting

a free deviled egg at that
cool new deviled egg place.

So maybe you should
let me rub off on you.

- You wish, you pervert.

- Let me leave
you with this, Jack.

You may have your dirty tricks,

but don't ever underestimate
me when it comes to...

[phone plays the
trashmen's surf in' bird]

It's my gynecologist.

Doctor, thank you
for calling me back.

Did anyone leave a bag of
Burger King in your office?

- [Whistling]

Local ballot initiatives.

Proposition one

empowers the mayor of
stone mountain to perform

necessary repairs on the
town's historic clock tower.

Oh, that old clock tower.

Nobody knows what
it's counting down to.

Well, I want to vote yes,

but how do I know that's
the right thing to do?

- Well, what do the
pro/con statements say?

- Okay, writing in favor
is mayor Debbie herself.

- Hey! I'm gonna take
the clock apart myself

then put it back together.

I wanna see how it works.

My friend Jojo did it with
a toaster, and it's still good.

Lemme do it!

- She makes some good points.

But the con is written

by the hermit what
lives in the clock tower.

- Ain't nobody touch my clock.

It's my wife, and it's
where I do my sniperin'.

- Now I don't
know what to think.

- Voting is a big
responsibility.

To this day, I have
to live with the fact

that I cast the deciding vote

[choked up] That made white

the newest flavor
of mountain dew.

But I guess that's just
life in a democracy.

- Hola. Mi amo dora.

[Chuckles] Hey, Maria.

Hey, it's election day.
- Mm-hmm.

- Huge party upstairs
tonight. Just like 2008.

I'll see you there?
- Oh, I wish.

My shift ends at 6:00 now.

- So, you'll be gone before
they declare a winner?

- Unless they call it early.

- Yes!

Anything can happen.

[Chuckles] Hope and change.

- I think the slogan
this year is "forward."

- Oh, yeah!
[Laughs]

- Welcome to the
first and only debate

of the Jenna-ral election.

[Both laugh]

Insincere.

Today, we choose
the future for a nation

and for a woman people
magazine once called,

"an unnamed friend
of the deceased."

Today, finally, it is
truly all about me.

Liz, we'll start with
your opening statement.

When your time is up,
you'll hear this sound.

♪ Oh, say, can you see... ♪

♪ And the home of the ♪

♪ brave ♪

- Jenna, this election
is about emotion.

It's about which
candidate cares the most

cares the most about the issues

that truly matter
to Jenna Maroney.

For example, your
reproductive rights.

Do you want a bunch of
old men behind closed doors

deciding what you can and
cannot do with your body?

- Ooh. And how do they
tell me their decisions?

Do I get shocked whenever
I do the wrong thing?

- What? No, Jenna, not that.

God.

Earlier today, I met a family.

The Alfreds from
Lake City, Florida.

Sorry. Lake City.

The Alfreds are huge
Jenna Maroney fans

because Jenna Maroney
is so, so talented.

- [Claps]

Please hold your
applause until the end.

- But under mitt Romney,

the arts program at
Traci lords middle school,

where little Shauna
is a seventh grader,

would be gutted.

Without music
appreciation class,

how would Shauna know
how much she appreciates you?

- A world without arts
programs sounds terrible.

Where would young
blonde girls like Shauna

learn to act and sing?

Why, if arts funding was
cut, within a short time,

our schools would be
producing no new actresses.

And Jenna Maroney
would get every part.

That's my america. That's
mitt Romney's america.

- [Clapping]

- My next question refers
to an issue that I know

deeply affects the vast
majority of Jenna Maroney.

Which political party is cooler?

- That's no contest, Jenna.

The president listens
to hip-hop rappings.

We have the coolest celebrities.

Scarlett Johansson,
Blake lively, Jessica biel.

- Wow.

Those are all very
beautiful women.

Do you really want to be
photographed next to them?

Let me tell you who we have.

Craig T. Nelson, Chuck Norris,
and charlton heston's skull.

You'd be the only
cool republican.

- Jenna, you need
to trust me, here.

Have I ever steered you wrong?

I stopped you when
you wanted to join

that white tiger magic show.

I stopped you when you tried
to drive us into lake Michigan

because Scottie
pippin got married.

Listen to me, Jenna.

And listen to your heart.

- Miss Lemon, I
know Scottie pippin.

I own a Fuddruckers
with Scottie pippin.

And you, sir, look
like Scottie pippin.

- Mr. Donaghy, your
closing statements.

- When our founding
fathers first set out

time and time again,
our nation horizon.

Prosperity, dreams, freedom.

But the spirit,
journey, destiny.

Mitt Romney
values, Jenna values.

I've met people.

For this generation,
and generations to come,

thank you, america.

- [Clapping]

- Good god, those are
load-bearing balloons!

Everyone run for your lives!

[Knock on door]

- Mr. Jordan, I need your help.

- What's wrong, Ken?

- I haven't been able to make

a single decision on
this absentee ballot.

Should we take
apart the clock tower?

Should we let old man
merkel marry his daughter?

Or make him Bury her like
the rest of the dead folks?

I'll never know enough to
make an informed decision.

- Informed decision?

Do you think this country was
founded on informed decisions?

- Well, of course.

- Columbus thought
he was in India!

And did he worry
about being wrong? No.

He just called
everybody Indians.

And we still do it
today. Why? 'Cause.

You want to be an American?

You fill out that ballot

because you don't
know what you're doing.

Just like when we
named this country after

the fourth or fifth
guy who discovered it.

Amerigo Vespucci. Who cares?

America. That's my boy.

- How do you
sleep at night, Jack?

- I don't. I take thousands
of micro naps during the day.

- Well, you know what?

- [Snores] No, Lemon, what?

- I'm glad you never
succeeded in turning me into you.

Because I would rather
lose with my head held high...

Partly because when I
have it down it looks like this...

Than win the wrong way.

- Lemon, I don't enjoy

manipulating Jenna
for my own ends.

To be perfectly honest,
I don't like mitt Romney.

The man doesn't drink.

How does he let a
moment land? [Chuckles]

But I'm not going to
allow those feelings

get in the way of
doing what is right.

- Think of the children, Jack.

What if Jenna had
picked the president

when you were a little boy?

Where would that kid be today?

Maybe we should ask him.

Boston. 1968.

[Bad Boston accent] Later, ma!

I'm goin' down the
park to play ball!

I sure love america.

Almost as much
as I love chowder!

- I'm sorry, are
you trying to make

one of your emotional
appeals to me?

- Oh, my god, it's future me!

- Lemon, this kind of
sentimental nonsense

didn't work with Jenna.

It certainly won't
work with the man

who didn't cry at
field of dreams,

not even when the bank

failed to recoup its
investment in the farm.

- Fine. Enjoy your president.
I'm moving to France.

Except I can't get a decent
iced tea there. Forget it.

- [Snores]

- Everyone has to
vote immediately

this election has
to be over by 6:00!

- Thanks for coming by.
- Okay.

- Williams!

Williams, I need you to
call it for Obama right now.

- [Scoffs]

- Remember that
time you got a haircut,

and I was the
first person to say,

"someone got a
haircut"? You owe me!

- Pete, you know
we don't do that.

Is this about Maria?

It's not gonna happen this year.

Look, get a hobby. Like
me and my gymnastics.

- He's wrong. It's gonna
be 2008 all over again.

Remember? Hope, change,

a Facebook that wasn't
crawling with old, bald guys?

- Shut up, Pete.

There's no hope. Not
for you or for this country.

If Joni Mitchell were
here, she'd be like,

♪ the big man won't
give peace a chance ♪

♪ the cobblestones,
cobblestones ♪

- Seriously, dude, let it
go. It was just one kiss.

- Yeah.

If you need a kiss so bad,

why don't you kiss a
potato like the rest of us?

- The kiss wasn't just a kiss!

Don't you people get
it? The kiss was Obama.

It was proof that
things could change.

That night in 2008,
everything felt possible,

like my whole life
was ahead of me.

I was gonna drive a sports car

and say cool stuff
like, "wiki-what?"

And none of that has happened!

Nothing has changed!

For Pete or america!

And if we can't get
that feeling back tonight,

for Pete's sake, when are
we ever gonna get it back?

[Quietly] For Pete's sake.

[Inspirational music]

♪ ♪

- Jenna, it's 4:30 in Florida.

Your fans should be
waking up on a beach

or getting fired from their

telemarketing jobs
right about now.

Send the tweet.

- One sec.

I got caught up in this Twitter
war with this stupid spam bot.

"Screw you, donna1dsdeluge.

I don't need Viagra,
you need Viagra!"

Sorry. Now, who am I
telling these turds to vote for?

Mike Romney?

- Mitt. It stands for motorized
intelligent technodrone termin...

It's a human's name.
- [Growls]

- Excuse me.

Does miss Maroney have a minute?

Just to sign some autographs?

- Look, you don't really
want Jenna's autograph.

She's not a great role model.

- Where is the
flash on this thing?

I want to send
Esteluge a picture,

but it's too dark
inside my pants.

- No, my role model
is Sara Blakely,

the billionaire
founder of Spanx.

She's a genius.

It's just kid's bike
shorts for fatties.

I'm gonna sell these on eBay.

- Well, it's always nice to
meet a young entrepreneur.

You know, when I was a boy,

I used to go to Fenway
and sell my urine.

[Sighs] For fans to
throw with Mickey mantle.

You'll be happy to know

that things are looking
up for capitalists like us.

Between you and me,
mitt Romney's going to win.

- But people haven't voted yet.

- [Chuckles] Shauna, this
will be a good lesson for you.

Voters don't really
pick the president.

That's up to important people

like corporations
and celebrities.

This year, Jenna Maroney
is picking the president.

- Ah, got it.

- She is?

- Today, Jenna is the most
important person in america.

- Wow. Maybe she
should be my role model.

- What? No. No.
No, no, no, no, no.

- I'm just saying, if I stop
saving for business school

and started saving for implants,

I could be just like her.

Thanks, sir.

- Okay, Jack.

Now, what should I
tweet about Ron mee?

Wait, he's not Asian, is he?

- Hey.

- I wasn't watching
cute little kitten videos,

I was watching pornography.

Who put these sleepy
kitten videos on here?

- Tracy, are you still
banned from Twitter?

- For life. So you know,
a couple more months.

- You must have a lot of bad
jokes about deceased celebrities

just filling up your brain.

- Yes, and they're pushing
out important information.

I don't know where I live, lady.

- If I got you back on Twitter,

how quickly could you
get kicked off again?

- 10, 15 minutes.

Less if I count
genocide as celebrities.

- Okay, well, you're getting
back on on Jenna's account.

- No, I can't do that to my
dear friend and co-worker

Jenna Jameson.

- No, Tracy, Jenna Maroney.

- Cool.
- Okay.

All I have to do is figure
out Jenna's password.

How 'bout "me69"?

Yep.

Oh, Tracy, no.

- No, I can say
that word. I'm black.

- But dick Clark wasn't.

- Hey! You're not
really leaving, are ya?

I know it's the second time,

but it's our last
shot at feeling...

This.

Then what? Someday maybe
we elect a wheelchair guy?

Okay, great, but not fun.

- Look, Pete, this isn't 2008.

I don't know, maybe if more
stuff really had changed.

- Hey, sugar lips.

Let's make like a
black magazine and jet.

What's up, guy?

Thanks for keeping my lady warm

while I turn on my
hot tub with my phone.

Come on, baby.

My 2012 corvette's
parked outside.

'Cause I always
find a parking spot.

- You're him.
- That's right, pops.

I'm Peter horn.

All day...

And all night.

- Well, well,

well, well, well, well, well,

well... Nope, that's
too many "Wells."

I'm gonna reenter.

- Just spit it out, Lemon.

- I stole a page from
your playbook, Jack.

I used Tracy, I
committed cyber crime,

I got Jenna kicked off Twitter
before she could endorse Romney.

Deviousness? I guess
two can play at that game.

Just like most games.

And now you're smiling

because you're
gonna try to tell me

that this was
your plan all along.

"Oh, I turned you
into me, Lemon.

It was my plan all along."

- No, I'm smiling because
I ended up telling Jenna

not to do anything at all.

I didn't want her
choosing our president.

No one should grow up in
Jenna Maroney's america.

- 'Cause of the children?

Did my one-woman show
actually change your mind?

Should I workshop it
at the fringe festival?

- Sure.
- Typical Donaghy.

You sentimental, self-righteous,
badger-faced shrew.

- Typical Lemon.

You cynical, manipulative,
cold-blooded Adonis.

- So maybe we rubbed
off on each other after all.

[Glasses clink]

- Mm...

- Oh, yours dripped on
me and now I'm drunk.

- Good lord in heaven.

- The Georgia polls
close in two minutes.

[Whistles]

[Eagle screeching]

Mr. Hornberger,

I just voted!

Doesn't it just fill
you with hope?

Like anything can happen?

All day, all night, baby.

- Mmm! Hmm?