All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S06E04.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Announcer: From the
director of Valentine's day

and new year's Eve...

- What? Tomorrow is
Martin Luther King day?

- Yeah, and neither
of us have dates.

- Too bad we're
just platonic friends.

- ♪ I'm just curious about you ♪

♪ noticed you
for quite a while ♪

- I have a right to love you.

- Hello.

- In the words of
Martin Luther King,

I've just got to go for it.

- You're a white supremacist?

- You guys can
just do the fun stuff.

- Oh, my god.

- ♪ Uh-uh, oh no ♪

- All I want is one
extraordinary moment.

- ♪ So let's get
things started ♪

- Sounds like you have a dream.

- ♪ Some time, you're
gonna get what you put out ♪

♪ ♪

Announcer: It's
Martin Luther King Day

- so, I need you to
promote that on TGS.

- No, I'm not promoting
that garbage on the show.

- Oh, Liz. This isn't a
request, this is an order.

I've already spoken
to Jack about it.

- Wow.

Well, now I'm going to
speak to Jack about it.

The rest of you, keep working...

- Lemon, I'm sorry,

but Jenna has become a
huge star for this network.

She's bigger than maulik
pancholy on Whitney

- look, I put up with
a lot from Jenna.

A couple months ago,
she cut off my ponytail

because she was jealous of
the attention that I was getting,

on my own birthday.

But this is new, going
to you behind my back?

You can't reward her for that.

- My hands are tied.

But, and I will, heh,
never say this again,

you have a power that I don't.

- Besides the
greatest power of all?

The ability to gestate life.

- Of course, Lemon.

That's why the president
is always a new mom.

I was referring to your
unique leverage with Jenna:

Your friendship.

- No, I like to keep "boss
Liz" and "friend Liz" separate,

because "boss Liz" is all
"paperwork, paperwork,"

but "friend Liz" is all "my feet
hurt, I'm staying in tonight."

- Lemon, I've decided to
eliminate the NBC page program.

- What?

- I was in Washington yesterday

reviewing satellite images
of Avery in North Korea.

For what it's worth, CIA
analysts have confirmed

that she is, indeed,
"keeping it tight."

- I don't know how this is
about my problem, but I trust you.

- I'm getting there. While
I was in Washington,

I learned the house shut
down its page program.

With texting and email, a
multi-million dollar system

of pleasure slaves
is no longer needed.

- Hang on, we need the pages.

Especially Kenneth.
He, uh... well, he, uh...

He always scratches
that weird part of my back

that I can't reach.

Unless...

Oh!

That's the business!

Now who's in charge,
winter dryness?

- I'm hoping that a bold,
cost-cutting move like this

will impress Hank Hooper.

But I've only worked
for Hank for a year.

He's still difficult to read,

much like that memoir Reagan
wrote the week before he died.

It's, uh... Scattered.

- Well, now I think we're
just talking about your thing.

You tricked me.

- You know how to read Jenna.

Use your power.

Oh, damn it.

I need some tape!

♪ ♪

- Hey, tray.

We just picked up your
birthday party invitations

from the printer.

- Wait! What is this?

"Give to charity
please, no presents"?

- Yeah, that's what you
told me to put on the card.

- No, Dotcom!

I said, "give to charity?
Please, no. Presents!"

- Well, I'm sorry, but you
don't really need presents.

You already have everything.

I mean, you just bought
Kareem Abdul-jabbar's bones,

and he's not even dead.

- Wow.

Maybe I do have everything.

But what does that say about me?

I need time alone,
guys, to think...

About mortality.

- Hey, buddy.

I thought maybe we
could have a little talk,

girl to girl.

- Mm, sure.

I love light chitchat.

Did you hear about how my
fecalist murdered my kabbalist?

- Wow.

Look, we're inside, you
can take off the sunglasses.

- Oh.

- What are those?

- Leeches. They're
good for your skin,

and I've lost tons
of blood weight.

- Oh, my god!

Okay, remember the pact
we made back in Chicago?

- Liz, if I become
famous, will you tell me

if I start acting weird?

- Definitely. And will
you do the same for me?

- You? Famous? That's hilarious.

- Well, I'm invoking the pact.

You're putting
leeches on your face.

- Demi Moore does it.

Plus, it makes P.E.T.A. furious,

and if P.E.T.A. doesn't
love you or hate you,

you're a nobody, like
a soldier, or a teacher.

- Jenna, take off the leeches!

I feel like I'm losing you.

I mean, we used to
get lunch every week.

When was the last
time we did that?

- You know, with
my fecalist in jail,

I can eat whatever I want today.

Maybe we could go to outback...

- I'm going to call ahead and

make sure we're
in Darryl's section.

- Who am I?

What does it all mean?

Will I ever truly be happy?

- Tray, I hate
seeing you like this.

Sitting in here listening to
your depressed thoughts cd.

- What is the meaning of li...

You remember Celia's
bakery in the Bronx?

It was on the corner
of Malcolm X boulevard

and guy who shot
Malcolm X boulevard.

When I was a kid, I wanted
one of those pies so bad.

So I swore to myself that
one day I would become so rich

I would buy every
single pie in Celia's.

- I wanted for
nothing as a child,

but that brings its
own challenges.

- Shut up, Dotcom.

And now look at that kid,

he turned into an
incredibly fit genius

who has everything
he ever wanted.

So if there's no more to want,

what's the point in living?

- Whoa, hang on, tray.

You've got a family.

- Great, another thing
that I've already got.

Thanks for making
this situation worse.

- Should we get another one?

- If you eat four,
you get a t-shirt.

So one more, and
that's two t-shirts.

- Oh, no, they're here.

- And you don't
want the paparazzi

taking pictures of you?

- Not when I'm just
trying to have lunch

with my best friend
like a normal person.

It's like I'm in a cage.

And not the fun kind
where you dance

while U.S.C. football
recruits throw hot coins at you.

- I'm sorry, do you want
to sneak out the back?

- They'd be expecting that.

Would you like a
chance to be famous, Liz?

- Naturally. Always.

I'm from tampa, Florida.

- Leech abuser!

- Nice try, P.E.T.A. bitches.

But I saw you
hiding in the crowd.

You just threw
paint on a nobody,

who can't even ♪ sing ♪

Make sure you get the
outback sign in the shot

or I don't get paid.

Taxi!

- I have good news,
and I have bad news.

The bad news is, I am
shutting down the page program.

The good news is for a
different group of people.

- Uh, as the most popular page,

I feel I should say something.

- Kenneth, please.

Everyone knows that Dalton
is the most popular page.

All: Dalton! Dalton! Dalton!

- Fine, but, you can't
cancel the page program.

Who will take messages or
seat audiences or order lunch?

- Today, all of those tasks
can be managed electronically.

- You're just going
to automate us?

Excuse me, sir, but

this reminds me of
the tale of John Henry.

Now, gather
'round friends and...

- we all know about
John Henry, Kenneth.

It's just a story.

- Well then, I know
about another story

that turned out to be true.

It's about a virgin who
gave birth to a man who

had some funny ideas.

That virgin was my sister.

And her son, Lyle,
has a learning disability.

- Security will escort you out.

And these uniforms are
still the property of NBC,

and we'll need them back.

- You are insane!

You knew that
P.E.T.A. guy was there.

- Look, I'm sorry, I couldn't be
photographed with paint on me.

I'd look like you do right now.

- That is psychopath behavior.

How did I ever even become
friends with someone like you?

- If I remember
correctly, Elizabeth,

we became friends
because I felt bad for you,

standing alone at
that party like a loser.

- Yeah, 'cause I really
wanted to talk to the girl

who was wrestling in a
kiddie pool full of lube.

- Well, what were you even
doing at that bachelor party?

- Derek thought I was a guy,

and I didn't want to ruin what
was happening between us.

God, I wish my first roommate
hadn't died of old age.

Then you wouldn't have moved
in, and I wouldn't have wasted

15 years of my life
trying to make you

feel better about yourself.

'Cause guess what?

The back of your
neck does look weird.

- Why would you say that?

You know I can't see it.

Oh, forget it.

I don't need you, Liz.

I have real friends now,

celebrity friends who
understand what I'm going through.

You see? Charlie from
Charlie bit my finger

and knob Kardashian
just texted me.

They're my new besties.

- Well, I don't need you either.

I've got a new bestie too, and
her name is something cool,

like Sam, and she
does web design, maybe,

and I haven't met her yet.

Look out, New York,
Liz Lemon is 41,

covered in paint, and
looking for a new best friend.

- Kenneth, you're a hard worker,

and I will find you something
else here at the company.

- Not interested, sir.

I don't want to work
for an organization

that would throw
away a tradition

like the page program.

Think of all the famous
people who started as pages:

Steve Allen, Regis Philbin,

Ted Bundy, Richard
Ramirez, John Wayne Gacy...

- Kenneth, I'm sorry.

But progress means
eliminating useless institutions.

- Well, Mr. Donaghy, there's
one thing you haven't thought of.

Who will give the NBC tours?

No machine can repla...

- we're calling it "NotKenneth."

- It's hard not to take
that personally, sir.

- We've inputted the
entire page handbook

into NotKenneth's database.

It knows everything
you know, and more.

- Why, Jack, why?

- "Y Jack y" is a 2002
episode of "will & grace"

in which Jack, Sean Hayes,
chooses between two ymcas.

Featuring guest stars...

Both: Daniel day-Lewis
as gay benchpress guy.

- Hey, Sue.

What are you up to tonight?

- I'm not working late again.

Why don't you write
the show yourself?

You take all the credit anyway.

I hope you dream of your death.

- I was just wondering if
you wanted to go to a movie?

- Oh. I can't. I
have to work late.

- Hey, Hank.

I didn't think I was going to
see you until dinner tonight.

- Whatever.

I don't even know if I'm coming.

- Hank, is something wrong?

- Jack, I bought this
company a year ago today.

Now, maybe I'm old-fashioned,

but where I come from,
anniversaries mean something.

- Hank, of course I remembered
our "businessversary."

I sent a gift.

- Oh, really? Was it invisible?

Sorry.

I drove all the way up
here from Philadelphia

listening to Garrison keillor

and just getting
psyched for a fun day.

- I used our new messenger
system and sent the gift

to your office
on the 60th floor.

Ah, it didn't go
to 60, it went to 6.

What's on 6?

Oh, no!

- Hey, how does an
adult make new friends?

- I don't have time for this.

Hank Hooper's
businessversary gift went to TGS.

- TGS is a sketch show known
for popular characters like...

Error. Error. Error. Error.

- Stop! Nerds, stop.

Stop what you are
doing immediately.

Toofer, put that glass down.

That scotch fountain
obviously was not meant for you.

Phillie Phanatic,
get away from him.

None of this was meant for you.

That should have been
obvious, since a gift from me

would suggest that you
were producing good work.

Let me be clear: You are not.

- Lance ito,
you're out of order.

- Line!

- This was meant to
go to the 60th floor.

- It's not their fault.

It says 6th floor
on the invoice.

- Must be a computer error.

- Well, somebody made a mistake.

A dumb mistake.

And it wasn't the pages,
and it wasn't the computer...

- Ha! It was Jack!

Guys, Jack makes dumb mistakes.

He's just like us.

- He's no better than I am.

He's just got a suit.

- No, no, I am
better than you, Lutz.

Someone else is to
blame, and I will find him or,

more likely, her.

- He looks scared, like
Lutz on an escalator.

- Twinsies!

- I called the paps earlier,
and they sent Lester.

No one ever uses him.

- Ugh. I'd like
to bite his finger.

Charlie.

Sweetie,

you look amazing.

Knob Kardashian,

Charlie bit my finger,

this is mankind.

- And this, is Mr. Socko.

- Oh, I know Mr. Socko.

- Honey, I don't think
that was Madame Bovary,

I think it was madame ovary.

- Oh, no, you went there.

Man, do my feet hurt
in heels sometimes,

and other things that
women talk about.

- Can we help you?

Sorry, I'm just trying

to make a new best friend.

All: Oh, sweetie, honey, oh.

- Yeah, it's really hard.

I mean, how did you
guys meet each other?

- We were at karaoke,

and we all picked the same song.

And then when the song came up,

we all went on Stage.

And everybody was like, "what?"

And then we were like,

♪ what you want?
Baby, I got it ♪

- Shut up! That's horrible.

But I get your point.

I need to go somewhere
where someone like me

would be hanging out.

But where does Liz Lemon go

when she's out on the town?

To the Barnes & noble bathroom.

- Occupied! God.

- I know it is. By
my new best friend.

- Hey there, Jack.

That Jenna Maroney
sure is a hoot.

I didn't care for Mr. Socko.

In my day, socks just
kept their mouth shut.

- Well, Hank, you'll
be interested to know

I'm getting to the bottom of
our little gift mix-up earlier.

- Really, Jack?

There's a problem with
the computer system

where it confuses 6 and 60?

- I don't like your
tone, Rossitano.

- Aw, it's okay. You
messed up, buddy.

- Lutz, don't touch me.

- Hang on, Jack.

Are these two very
ill children saying

you messed up the delivery?

That's unacceptable.

- Hey, we all make mistakes.

Like farting when you're
talking to three people.

- No, a mistake is
something a man does,

like going to war
without a reason,

or executing a simpleton.

What Jack did

is a "whoopsie-Daisy," like
a baby or a woman would do.

- No, no, Hank. It wasn't me,

it was the machines.

Tell him it wasn't my fault.

- My faul t, a short-lived NBC
game show in which homeless

people won money by confessing
to crimes they didn't commit.

- Damn you.

- Dam u. A beaver goes to
college in this 1987 anima...

- okay, who wants to
see the red band trailer

of Martin Luther King da y?

- No, we need to decide
which cell phone pictures

I'm going to leak.

- Everyone, listen to Charlie
bit my finger's new song.

♪ I'm rotten to the
core mother... ♪

- Quiet!

Mankind is trying to tweet
about these clowns in congress.

- Excuse me, guys.

We're not doing your things,

we're doing my me things.

- You mean me, right?

Exactly: Me.

- Me?
- You're all using

that word wrong.

I'm me.
- I'm me.

- Uhh! I hate it
when they put the

movie poster on the cover of the
book that the movie is based on.

Let me imagine what
peeta mellark looks like,

and how his arms smell of bread.

Amy, this is great.

We are going to be best friends.

Where should we get dinner?

I don't trust Sushi,
Mexican gives me gas,

and I already had a
bloomin' onion today.

- Me too.

Also, Ethiopian is out, because
I don't want to see a man

with a beard eat with his hands.

And nothing family style.

- Ah! Why is family
a selling point?

Look at the state of
the American family.

- Not something we'll ever
have to worry about at our age.

- I saw a headline about those
amoebas that eat your brain,

but I didn't read the article.

- Well, you didn't have
time. Our lives are half-over.

- Our mothers lied to us.

- A bike is a vehicle.
- Hey, you can't ride a bike

on the sidewalk.

- Oh, my god, I am starving.

We have been
wandering around for...

10 minutes?

Oh, brother.

Hanging out with me is awful.

Amy, we can't both be the
negative, judgmental one.

- So what? I'm just
supposed to sit around

and listen to you complain?

- No. You're supposed to be
so vacant and self-absorbed

that you just let me
vent without piling on.

I need Jenna.

- I need steffi.

- They say people
who kill themselves

never regret it.

- Tracy. Tracy, stop.

I found something
for you to live for.

- I already have a room
full of old black women.

- No, tray, this is Celia
Monroe, from Celia's bakery.

She lives in a nursing
home on long island now.

- We're all sleeping with Carl,

because he has the most puzzles.

- But we tracked her
down, and she baked you

a banana cream pie, see?

That's something
you didn't have.

- So that means there must
be other things I don't have.

Other reasons to live.

You guys must have went through

a lot of trouble
to show me that.

You must have been upset.

And I know how that feels,

because I've been upset.

I was very upset when
you put "no presents" on my

birthday invitations.

- That's what this was about?

Why didn't you just tell us
back in your dressing room?

- Because showing
is better than telling,

and my schedule
is light this week.

Thank you.

I never should have
treated you the way I did, Liz.

I need someone who has
so little going on in their life,

she lets me get
all the attention.

- And I need someone in my life

who doesn't listen
to a word I say.

- Thank you, I just got it cut.

- ♪ Some time, you gonna
get what you put out ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I try to stay away but I
always come back for more ♪

♪ ♪

- I was wrong.

I do need you.

- You had me at "I
was wrong, I do need."

- I can replace just
about everything you do,

but no machine could ever
be the human waste basket

that I dump my
stupid mistakes into.

- Dump, sir. Dump all over me.

- You thumb with a wig,

those gifts were supposed
to go to the 60th floor.

- I'm sorry, sir. It
was all my fault.

- Good job, Jack.
Blame it on an albino.

Classic, 'cause it works.

♪ ♪

- I can never replace you guys.

I love you, presents!

Ooh. I have that.

And that. Oh!

I've already got this.

Oh, my goodness.

I already have this.

I definitely don't need that.

♪ Gather 'round
and hear my story ♪

♪ 'bout a boy named Ellen ♪

♪ first name Kenneth,
last name Parcell ♪

♪ wasn't born in any glory,
a pig farmer's son by birth ♪

♪ headed off to New York
City to the mouth of hell ♪

♪ his hands were never
blistered by hammer, axe, or hoe ♪

♪ clothes were never soiled
with the bloodstains of his foe ♪

♪ he taped back-to-back
golden girls ♪

♪ that no man ought to know ♪

♪ he's a page for the
ages, Ken Parcell ♪