All language subtitles for Boston.Legal.S05E01.1080p.WEBRip.x265-KONTRAST.eng

PREVIOUSLY ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...

DID YOU KNOW
THAT SHIRLEY SCHMIDT

HAS A CHEERLEADING COSTUME?
SOMETIMES SHE PUTS IT ON.
COMPLETE WITH POM-POMS.

I WOULD DRESS UP AND STAND
IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR

IN THE LITTLE SKIRT,
THE WHITE SOCKS, THE SWEATER.

IT SOMEHOW
MADE ME FEEL BETTER.
CAN YOU IMAGINE SHIRLEY
DOING A LITTLE CHEER?

OH, MY GOD.

DENNY, I GOT IN!
I'M IN THE COAST GUARD!
WHAT?

UH...
AM I IN?

I DON'T KNOW.
DID YOU GET A LETTER?
I'M IN!

AH! HA HA!
WE'RE IN THE COAST GUARD!
WE'RE IN THE COAST GUARD!

(both laugh and scream)

(The Hollywood Studio Orchestra
and Chorus'

"Over There" playing)

* OVER THERE

* OVER THERE

* SEND THE WORD, SEND THE WORD
OVER THERE *

* THAT THE YANKS ARE COMING

* THE YANKS ARE COMING

* THE DRUMS RUM-TUMMING
EV'RYWHERE *

* AND PREPARE

20 DEGREES STARBOARD.

IS THAT LEFT OR RIGHT?
I MEAN PORT. GO PORT. GO--

HEY, I'M THE CAPTAIN.

WILL YOU BE QUIET?
IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.
OH, JEEZ.

* AND WE WON'T COME BACK
TILL IT'S OVER OVER THERE *

(woman) * HEY, DEEJAY,
TURN ME OUT *

* YOU GOTTA...

* WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME?
GET BELOW ME *

(amplified voice) UNITED STATES
COAST GUARD COMING ABOARD.

NOBODY MOVE.

YOU'RE ALL PERSONS
OF INTEREST.

***

(rim shot plays)

(laughter)
(Alan) WHO'S IN CHARGE
OF THIS EVENT?

I AM.
DO YOU HAVE A PERMIT, MA'AM?

FOR WHAT?

RIGHT TO ASSEMBLE AT SEA
IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN

WITHOUT WRITTEN
AND EXPRESS AUTHORIZATION

FROM THE UNITED STATES
COAST GUARD.
WHAT?

I'M SORRY, MA'AM.
WE'RE IN A WAR.

BUT LUCKY FOR YOU,
AND PERHAPS ME LATER,

I AM THE COAST GUARD.

(women laugh)

I'M GONNA LET IT GO
THIS ONE TIME,

BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE
A THOROUGH INSPECTION

OF YOUR FLOTATION DEVICES.
BRAND-NEW.

WELL-DONE. OKAY, DENNY,
THE SITUATION IS--

(women laughing)

HOW DID YOU POSSIBLY
GET OUT OF YOUR CLOTHES SO FAST?

SEMPER PARATUS, MY FRIEND.

ALWAYS PREPARED--
COAST GUARD MOTTO.

AND SO IT BEGINS.

(women laughing)

(drum cadence playing)

***

(grunts)

BETHANY. (chuckles)

FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS,

I'VE BASICALLY HAD ONE CASE
THAT'S CONSUMED ME.

IT'S AGAINST A.B. CURTIS,
THE TOBACCO COMPANY.

AND HOW'S THE FAMILY?

THESE PEOPLE HAVE DRAGGED ME
THROUGH DISCOVERY.

THEY'VE EXHAUSTED
MY CLIENT'S MONEY, MY MONEY.

THEY PRACTICALLY KILLED
MY CLIENT'S DOCTOR.

HE'S DEAD, ALAN.

HE WAS A SMOKER?

NO, BUT HE WAS IN HIS 70s.

THEY DEPOSED HIM 13 TIMES.

HE DIED OVER THE WEEKEND,

JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT
TO GO TO TRIAL,

NO DOUBT FROM THE STRESS
OF IT ALL.

NOW I DON'T HAVE
A DOCTOR TO TESTIFY.

I'LL HAVE TO GET
A CONTINUANCE,

WHICH THEY'LL THEN TURN
INTO TEN MORE CONTINUANCES

WHILE THEY DEPOSE
MY NEW DOCTOR 13 MORE TIMES.

I CAN'T DO IT.
I'M LICKED.

NOBODY SUCCESSFULLY SUES
A TOBACCO COMPANY.

EVEN IF YOU BEAT THEM
AT TRIAL, THEY JUST APPEAL.

LAW FIRMS GO BANKRUPT
TRYING TO CLIMB THAT HILL.

OH, YOU KNOW
HOW I FEEL ABOUT MONEY,

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S YOURS.
I MUST SAY, I ECHO SHIRLEY'S
SENTIMENT. I DO. I DO.

TOBACCO COMPANIES
SPECIALIZE IN TWO THINGS--

ONE, GETTING PEOPLE
ADDICTED TO CIGARETTES,

AND TWO, PROLONGING

AND PROTRACTING
PRETRIAL LITIGATION.

I TELL YOU, THEY SIMPLY
MAKE CASES TOO BURDENSOME,

EVEN FOR BIG FIRMS LIKE US.

CERTAINLY MORE THAN COULD BE
HANDLED BY YOUR AVERAGE DWARF.

I, TOO, AM AGAINST TAKING ON
THE TOBACCO COMPANY,

AND THE FIRM ABSOLUTELY
FORBIDS YOU FROM TAKING IT.

KATIE, JERRY, GIVE ALAN WHATEVER
HELP HE NEEDS. BEST OF LUCK.

THANK YOU.

DENNY, I COULD ALSO USE
YOUR HELP

IF YOU'RE UP FOR JOINING.

MM. WHATEVER.

***

(reporters) MR. CRANE!
MR. CRANE!

MR. SHORE! MR. SHORE!

NO COMMENT. NOTHING TO SAY.
STEP ASIDE, PLEASE.

NO COMMENT.
LAWYERS COMING THROUGH.

HANDICAPPED.
OUTTA MY WAY.

(gallery murmuring)

PHOEBE.

ALAN.

ARE YOU JOINING
AS COCOUNSEL?

YES.

EXCELLENT.

STILL MARRIED WITH, UH,
WHAT IS IT THEY'RE CALLED?

CHILDREN.

RIGHT.

ALL RISE.

"3-2-4-6-3--IN THE MATTER OF
THE ESTATE OF MICHAEL RHODES

"vs. A.B. CURTIS
TOBACCO CORPORATION,

"THE COMPLAINANT ALLEGING
THE CIVIL CAUSE

OF WRONGFUL DEATH,"
THIS COURT IS NOW IN SESSION,

THE HONORABLE
MILTON BRODY PRESIDING.

BE SEATED.

OKAY. (clears throat)
BOTH SIDES STAND READY?

WELL, ACTUALLY, YOUR HONOR,

THE DEFENSE WOULD BE
REQUESTING MORE TIME.

THE PLAINTIFF HAS ADDED
A WITNESS TO ITS LIST

WHOM WE'VE NOT HAD
THE OPPORTUNITY TO DEPOSE.

THEREFORE, I--
THE WITNESS, YOUR HONOR,
IS A DOCTOR

WHO WILL ONLY BE TESTIFYING
AS TO CAUSE OF DEATH.

WE ARE FORCED TO CALL HIM

BECAUSE THE DOCTOR
WE HAD PLANNED TO CALL--

WHO HAS BEEN CALLED
AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN--

DIED THIS PAST WEEKEND

AFTER BEING DEPOSED, HARASSED
AND INTIMIDATED RELENTLESSLY

FOR THE LAST 7
OF HIS 77 YEARS.

THE FACT IS, MY, UH,

UH, UH, THE DEFENSE,

HAS EMPLOYED
A PLETHORA OF TACTICS

TO DELAY AND DELAY AND DELAY.

I'M CURIOUS. DO YOU HAVE
ANY IDEAS THAT SPEED THINGS UP?

WELL, SURRENDER WORKS
QUITE WELL,

AND I DO KNOW HOW YOU LOVE
TO WAVE A WHITE FLAG.
OBJECTION!

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

MS. PRENTICE,
I WILL GIVE YOU A NIGHT--

ONE NIGHT--
TO REVIEW THE NEW WITNESSES

THAT HAVE BEEN ADDED
TO THE PLAINTIFF'S LIST.

WE WILL BEGIN AT 10:00 A.M.
TOMORROW. ADJOURNED.

YOU KNOW...

***

***

ONCE THE CANCER
HAD METASTASIZED,

IT BECAME ABOUT
MANAGING HIS PAIN,

WHICH WAS EXTREME.

MR. RHODES TOLD YOU
THAT HE CHOSE TO SMOKE,

AM I RIGHT, DOCTOR?
WHY, DOES THAT
MAKE IT HURT LESS?

I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

MAY I CONTINUE?

PLEASE.

THERE WERE MANY OTHER
CANCER-CAUSING AGENTS

THAT MR. RHODES
WAS EXPOSED TO, RIGHT?

I'M SORRY. IS THAT
GOING TO BE YOUR STRATEGY,

THAT SOMETHING ELSE
KILLED HIM?

(sighs) WE CAN SUSPEND THIS
RIGHT NOW, ALAN,

AND GO SEE THE JUDGE

IF THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH
FOR YOU TO HANDLE.
DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.

WELL, I WASN'T TALKING
ABOUT ME. FUNNY THAT YOU ARE.

SOMETHING ON YOUR HEART

YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE
WITH THE REST OF THE GROUP?

I'M SORRY. I MEANT TO SAY
ON YOUR MIND.
STOP IT.

(makes popping sound)
YOU TWO CAN GET A ROOM
AFTER THE TRIAL.

(clears throat)

UH, WAS AN AUTOPSY
EVER PERFORMED, DOCTOR?

OH, WE DIDN'T NEED AN AUTOPSY
TO KNOW WHAT KILLED HIM.

NO AUTOPSY.
(scoffs)

ARE YOU KIDDING?
MS. RHODES--

MY FATHER SMOKED FOR 50 YEARS.
HE DIED OF LUNG CANCER.

DO YOU REALLY MEAN TO SUGGEST--
MA'AM, I NEED TO--

HAVE YOU EVER
WATCHED A PERSON ROT TO DEATH?

ALAN, MAYBE YOU CAN CONTAIN
YOUR CLIENT'S EMOTIONS,

IF NOT YOUR OWN.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

ALL RIGHT. I'M DONE.

IF YOU PLAN TO MARCH
INTO THAT COURTROOM

AND ASK FOR A CONTINUANCE--

NO. I GOT WHAT I NEED.
DID YOU?

THANK YOU.
(pops)

(sighs)

***

IS THAT HOW YOU PLAN
TO TRY THIS CASE?

DON'T START WITH ME,
DENNY. ALL RIGHT?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

HOW MANY PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY
FROM CIGARETTES?

OH, PLEASE.
WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

TOBACCO KILLS. BIG DEAL.
DID YOU JUST SAY "BIG DEAL"?

WELL, IT'S OLD NEWS.
FIRST OF ALL,

IT'S NOT JUST OLD NEWS.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY CURRENT.

THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY
IS MORE POWERFUL TODAY--

IT'S BORING.

WHAT, HAVE WE ALL
JUST BEEN DESENSITIZED?

SMOKING KILLS. WHATEVER.
WE'VE ALL JUST GONE NUMB.

WHY'D YOU SAY THAT?

WHO TOLD YOU I WENT NUMB?
WHO SAID THAT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU DAMN WELL K--

DID SHE CALL YOU?

(laughing)
DENNY, I HAVE NO IDEA

WHAT THE HELL
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME?

YOU HAVE BEEN
IN A BAD MOOD ALL DAY.

WHAT IS UP?

NOTHING'S UP.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

(lowered voice)
MY JUNK DOESN'T WORK.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

(normal voice) I WENT BACK
TO THE CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS

WITH ONE OF THE GIRLS
FROM THE HOT TUB...

MY JUNK FAILED ME.

OH.

I'M DONE, ALAN, DEAD.
DENNY--

I WISH I WERE DEAD.

I'D HAVE MADE A BETTER SHOWING
WITH RIGOR MORTIS.

(laughs)
I'M DEAD. DONE. IT'S OVER.

DENNY,
IT HAPPENS TO EVERY GUY.

HAS IT HAPPENED TO YOU?

ONCE.

SHH. SHH. SHH. SHH. SHH.

HELLO.

HELLO.

HOW'D THE DEPOSITION GO?

FINE. WHY?

THERE ARE RUMORS
YOU WERE HORRENDOUS.

ALAN, I'M HAPPY TO SUPPORT

YOUR LATEST TILT
AT THE WINDMILL,

BUT WE KNOW

ONE NEVER REALLY BEATS
THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY, RIGHT?

AND IF OPPORTUNITY
FOR SETTLEMENT DOES COME,

WE WIL TAKE IT,
WON'T WE?

IT'S RECEDED...
LIKE A TURTLE...

TOO ASHAMED
TO COME OUT OF ITS SHELL.

WHAT?

***

SHIRLEY, COULD I, UH,
STEAL YOU FOR A SECOND?

IT'S ABOUT MY PENIS.

(clears throat)
IT'S DEPRESSED.

I-I DON'T WANT
TO INVOLVE YOU, BUT--
DON'T EVEN GO THERE.

OKAY, OKAY.

WOULD YOU AT LEAST PUT ON
THE CHEERLEADER COSTUME FOR ME?

BECAUSE--
SORRY.

HAVE YOU TRIED
JUMPER CABLES?

YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

OKAY. WOULD YOU LOAN ME
THE CHEERLEADING COSTUME?

DENNY...
GIVE ME A HAND HERE,
WILL YOU, CARL?

***

TWO WITNESSES TOTAL?
BETHANY--

I'VE SPENT 7 YEARS PREPARING
MORE THAN 50 EXPERTS--

BETHANY, IF WE LET THIS
TURN INTO A SCIENCE CLASS--

WE HAVE TO PROVE ADDICTION.
WE HAVE TO SHOW THAT--

YOU ASKED ME TO TRY THIS CASE.
SO LET ME--
TWO?!

I WANT TO REST
AS CLOSE AS I CAN

TO THE EMOTION
OF THE CLIENT'S TEST--

WHERE'D SHE GO?

SHE LEFT.

I MUST SAY, ALAN, TWO WITNESSES
SEEMS A BIT BONKERS.

I WOULD HOPE
YOU HAVEN'T GONE MAD.

KATIE, ONE PROBLEM WE HAVE
CONCERNING TRUST--

YOU AND I HAVEN'T REALLY
HAD A LIFE TOGETHER YET.

STILL HARASSING
THE YOUNGER ASSOCIATES?

SO NICE TO SEE
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

WELL, I COME IN PEACE.

$140,000.

(laughs) FOR A DEATH?
IT'S ALL WE'RE OFFERING.

IT'S ALL YOU COULD HOPE TO GET
SINCE WE'LL APPEAL ANY VERDICT.

AND WHY DRAG THIS OUT

BEYOND A TIME WE'RE STILL
ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER, HMM?

(gulps)

I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU NOW.

FINE. LET'S GO WITH THAT.

WHEN I KNEW HIM, HE WAS MAD,
BY THE WAY.

I THINK I'LL BE GOING.

MM.

I HAVE DONE HUNDREDS
OF THESE CASES,

AND THEY ALL COME OUT
THE SAME WAY...

(chuckles)
SO WHY STRESS YOURSELF, ALAN?

IT'S NOT HEALTHY. YOU'D BE
BETTER OFF TAKING UP SMOKING.

(scoffs)

YOU KNOW,
THE THING IS, PHOEBE,

YOU LOOK THE SAME,

YOU SMELL THE SAME...

MM.

(inhales sharply) MY,
YOU EVEN TASTE THE SAME...

BUT WE BOTH KNOW
YOU'VE CHANGED, DON'T WE?

I MEAN,
WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER,

THE VERY IDEA OF EITHER OF US
DOING BATTLE FOR BIG TOBACCO--

AN INDUSTRY WHICH
SYSTEMATICALLY KILLS PEOPLE...

I HOPE THEY GIVE YOU
A LOT OF MONEY,

BECAUSE THEN... OF COURSE,
IT WOULD BE WORTH IT.

MM. AND HERE YOU ARE
AT CRANE, POOLE & SCHMIDT.

I DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE
FOR MYSELF.

NO, NOT WHEN IT'S EASIER
TO JUST WALK OUT THE DOOR.
I DIDN'T WALK--

YES, YOU DID.

YES, YOU DID.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK
THAT YOU HAVE CHANGED, ALAN.

YOUR EYES LOOK... DEADENED.

THEY SAY THAT A MAN'S PASSION

IS THE FIRST THING TO DIE
AS HE AGES,

SO I SUPPOSE
THAT SHOULD MAKE IT EASIER

FOR ME TO BE AROUND YOU,

BECAUSE IT WAS YOUR PASSION
THAT I SO FELL IN LOVE WITH.

YOUR OFFER IS REJECTED.

SO YOU CAN LEAVE NOW.

OKAY, ALAN.

WE'LL BE SEEING YOU, THEN.

***

***

(reporters all shouting
at once)

(camera shutters clicking)

HE FIRST STARTED
SMOKING CIGARETTES

WHEN HE WAS 11.

HE SMOKED
THE DEFENDANT'S BRAND?

MAINLY THAT BRAND, YES.

AND YOUR FATHER SMOKED
CIGARETTES FOR HOW LONG?

OVER 50 YEARS.

MAUREEN, AT SOME POINT, YOUR
FATHER CERTAINLY HAD TO KNOW

THAT SMOKING CAUSES CANCER.

HE TRIED TO QUIT
SO MANY TIMES.

HE WAS DESPERATE TO QUIT,
BUT HE WAS ADDICTED.

SOMETIMES HE COULD
GO MONTHS WITHOUT,

BUT HE'D ALWAYS
START UP AGAIN.

HE JUST COULDN'T--
(woman) OH, BABY.

OHH, THAT FEELS SO GOOD.

DON'T STOP.

OHH!
(cell phone beeps)

UH, HELLO?

DENNY.
(whispers) IT'S MY DOCTOR.

I DON'T CARE.

SHH. (normal voice) I DID THAT,
BUT IT STILL DOESN'T WORK.

(lowered voice)
GET OFF THE PHONE NOW.

I GOTTA GET OFF
THE PHONE NOW.

WHAT?

(normal voice) I'M SORRY.

AND A-AT SOME POINT,
YOUR FATHER DID GET LUNG CANCER.

11 YEARS AGO.

HE FOUGHT IT. HE--
HE HAD ONE LUNG REMOVED.

HE DID EVERYTHING THAT...

BUT, UM, EVENTUALLY
IT WENT TO HIS BRAIN.

IN THE END, IT WAS, UH,
A MISERABLE...

EXCRUCIATING DEATH.

MAUREEN, IN FAIRNESS,
THE DANGERS OF SMOKING

HAVE BEEN WELL-KNOWN
FOR SOME TIME BY EVERYBODY,

INCLUDING YOUR FATHER.

THAT FACT
ONLY MADE IT WORSE.

I HAD TO WATCH MY FATHER
DO SOMETHING OVER AND OVER,

ALL DAY, EVERY DAY,

THAT HE KNEW
WOULD EVENTUALLY KILL HIM,

AND HE JUST COULDN'T STOP.

HE WAS ADDICTED
SINCE CHILDHOOD,

TERRIBLY ADDICTED.

YOU DON'T KEEP DOING THAT
TO YOURSELF FOR NO REASON.

YOU DO IT BECAUSE YOU
PHYSICALLY CAN'T STOP.

SHE HAS NO FOUNDATION TO GIVE
MEDICAL OR SCI--

HE WAS MY FATHER.

THAT'S MY FOUNDATION.

IT WASN'T JUST PHYSICAL.

HE SUFFERED THE SHAME
OF BEING AN ADDICT,

AND EVEN IF YOU'RE
HEARTLESS ENOUGH TO THINK,

WELL, HE SIGNED ON FOR THIS,
I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR IT.

I'M SORRY IF I SOUND SELFISH,
BUT I NEVER SAID,

"SURE, I'LL WATCH MY FATHER
GO THROUGH THAT AGONY."

MY CHILDREN NEVER AGREED THEY'D
LOSE THEIR GRANDPA THE WAY...

THERE WAS SO MUCH PAIN...

SO MUCH PAIN TO SO MANY PEOPLE
WHO NEVER SIGNED UP FOR IT.

(Phoebe)
FIRST LET ME SAY...

HOW SORRY I AM FOR YOUR LOSS.

LOSING A FAMILY MEMBER
TO CANCER IS...

IS THIS THE FIRST TIME?

UM, NO. ACTUALLY--

SO CANCER RUNS
IN YOUR FAMILY THEN?
OBJECTION.

YOUR HONOR, THERE HAS BEEN
A RECENT MEDICAL STUDY

THAT FOUND THAT THERE IS
A COMMON GENETIC VARIANT

THAT ACTUALLY DOUBLES
THE RISK OF LUNG CANCER.

IT CAN RUN IN THE FAMILY.
OH, YES.

IT WAS JUST A BIG COINCIDENCE
THAT HE SMOKED.

WAS YOUR FATHER EVER TESTED
FOR THIS GENETIC VARIANT?

NO.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR FATHER
WORKED IN A PAPER MILL,

WHICH SINCE--
ARE YOU KIDDING?

MR. SHORE.
OH, BABY. OHH!

THAT FEELS SO GOOD.
DON'T STOP.

(cell phone beeps)

(sighs) UM, MS. RHODES,

HOW MANY HOUSES DO YOU THINK
YOUR FATHER LIVED IN

DURING HIS LIFETIME?

I'M NOT SURE.
MAYBE SIX OR SEVEN.

DID ANY OF THEM
CONTAIN ASBESTOS?

UH, I-I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
PERHAPS.

WHAT ABOUT ARSENIC
OR SILICA OR CHROMIUM?

WERE ANY OF HIS HOUSES TESTED
FOR ANY OF THESE SUBSTANCES?

ALL OF WHICH CAN CAUSE
LUNG CANCER,

IF YOU WONDER WHY I ASK.

I DON'T KNOW IF THEY WERE
TESTED FOR THOSE SUBSTANCES.
WHAT ABOUT RADON?

RADON?

YES, RADON. IT'S A GAS.
IT COMES FROM ROCKS AND DIRT.

IT GETS TRAPPED IN HOUSES
AND BUILDINGS.

IT'S QUITE COMMON, ACTUALLY.

ODORLESS, COLORLESS
AND IT ALSO CAUSES LUNG CANCER.

WERE ANY OF YOUR FATHER'S HOMES
EVER TESTED FOR RADON?

NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE.

I SEE.

THANK YOU.

AND, AGAIN,
MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES

FOR YOUR LOSS.

(elevator bell dings)

HOW'D IT GO?

OKAY.

HEY. HEY! YOU'RE HURTING ME.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT
WITH THE PHONE?

MY DOCTOR'S IDEA.
HE THOUGHT IT MIGHT STIMULATE--
FOR GOD SAKE, DENNY,
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A TRIAL!

AND I HEAR--
WELL, I TRIED
PUTTING IT ON VIBRATE,

BUT IT WASN'T THE S--
I ASKED YOU
TO BE PART OF THIS CASE

BECAUSE I COULD USE YOUR HELP.

THIS IS THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY
WE'RE UP AGAINST!
I KNOW--I KNOW--I KNOW THAT.

IT IS NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT
THEM, AND MY ODDS DO NOT IMPROVE

BY MY COCOUNSEL'S PHONE
CHIRPING, "OOH, BABY, BABY,"

WHILE I'M TRYING TO
CROSS-EXAMINE A WITNESS.
IT WAS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY!

MEDICAL EMERGENCY? BECAUSE YOU
COULDN'T GET IT UP IN A HOT TUB?
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
DON'T ATTACK ME JUST 'CAUSE...

YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYTHING
IN LIFE TAKES A BACKSEAT

TO YOUR SEX LIFE.
YOU'RE GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED
BY YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.

YOU'RE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL,
DENNY.
ALL I DID WAS ACCEPT A CALL--

AS SOPHOMORIC AS YOU'RE
DETERMINED TO BE--
WELL, FORGIVE ME FOR EXPECTING
A LITTLE SYMPATHY.

SYMPATHY? MY CLIENT'S FATHER
IS DEAD!
BUT HERE I AM, I'M STRUGGLING
WITH WHO AND WHAT I AM.

I TURN TO MY BEST FRIEND...
YOU WANT SYMPATHY
BECAUSE YOUR PENIS FAILED!

HE TREATS ME WITH CONTEMPT--
NO, I'M SORRY. I'M NOT
GIVING YOU SYMPATHY, DENNY.

I'M JUST TRYING
TO GET AN ERECTION!
WELL, WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE IT'S THE MAD COW.

(gasps)

I'M SURE IT'S NOT THAT.

WHAT IF IT IS?

EH...

(gasps)
MY PENIS HAS ALZHEIMER'S.

(chuckles) NO, DENNY.

YOU JUST...
HAD AN OFF DAY.

YOU SAID IT HAPPENED
TO YOU ONCE.

WHAT WERE THE CIRCUMSTANCES?

IT WAS WITH HER, ACTUALLY--
PHOEBE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

(sighs)
I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER.

OH. THAT'LL KILL
THE MOMENT.

AND SHE LOVED ME, JUST...

NOT ENOUGH.

I MEAN, NO RELATIONSHIP
IS EVER QUITE EVEN.

THERE'S ALWAYS AN IMBALANCE
OF SORTS.

ONE PERSON LOVES
OR IS IN LOVE

JUST A LITTLE MORE
THAN THE OTHER, BUT...

I JUST COULDN'T HANDLE
BEING...

(grunts)

SO I LEFT.

MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

SHE'S HAPPILY MARRIED
WITH CHILDREN.

OH.

IT'S TOO LATE.

***

AND PERSONALLY,
I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE

AT CONSTANTLY BEING VILIFIED.

WELL, TOBACCO COMPANIES
DO MAKE FOR JUICY TARGETS.

WELL, LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHING--

CAR MANUFACTURERS
MAKE PRODUCTS THAT KILL

IF YOU WANT TO LOOK AT
VEHICULAR FATALITY STATISTICS.

ALCOHOL--FORGET IT.

BUT WE ALSO DO SOME GOOD
ALONG THE WAY.

NOBODY WANTS TO TALK
ABOUT THAT.

OH, PLEASE. WHAT GOOD?

HOW ABOUT THIS? WE SPEND
BILLIONS OF DOLLARS

IN ANTISMOKING CAMPAIGNS

AND YOUTH PREVENTION EFFORTS.

HOW MANY INDUSTRIES
ACTUALLY SPEND MONEY

TO DISCOURAGE PEOPLE
FROM BUYING THEIR PRODUCT?

THAT IS
AN UNPRECEDENTED DISPLAY

OF CORPORATE CONSCIENCE.

IN FAIRNESS,
YOU MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED

THE "AMERICAN JOURNAL OF
PUBLIC HEALTH" STUDY THAT FOUND

TEENS WHO WATCH ANTISMOKING ADS
AIMED AT YOUNG PEOPLE

WERE ACTUALLY
36% MORE LIKELY TO SMOKE.

I DON'T AGREE
WITH THEIR FINDINGS.

I BET YOU ALSO DISAGREE

WITH THE NUMEROUS
PUBLIC HEALTH ADVOCATES

WHO'VE CALLED FOR A BAN ON
ALL YOUTH ANTISMOKING CAMPAIGNS

FUNDED BY
THE TOBACCO INDUSTRIES,

CHARGING THEY EMPLOY
INSIDIOUS REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY,

DELIBERATELY DESIGNED
TO GET TEENS TO SMOKE.

WELL, THERE AGAIN IS AN--

LIKE CIGARETTES FLAVORED
WITH CHOCOLATE, STRAWBERRY

AND CANDY SPICES
TO LURE CHILDREN.
WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE A--

BECAUSE IT WAS
FINALLY OUTLAWED.

AT WHICH POINT, YOU TURNED
YOUR FOCUS TO MENTHOL,

WHICH IS NEAT, SI--
MENTHOL IS LEGAL.

AND PROFITABLE, SINCE IT'S
THE CIGARETTE OF CHOICE

FOR 75% OF AFRICAN-AMERICANS.

LOOK--
LOOK AT WHAT?
YOUR PRODUCT,

EVEN WHEN USED AS DIRECTED,

KILLS ONE-THIRD TO ONE-HALF
OF ITS CONSUMERS.

IN FACT, CIGARETTES KILL MORE
THAN CAR ACCIDENTS,

HOMICIDES, SUICIDES, A.I.D.S.
AND DRUGS COMBINED--

ONE DEATH EVERY SIX SECONDS.

SO JUST DURING
YOUR TESTIMONY...

ANOTHER 50 OR 60 PEOPLE
HAVE CHOKED OUT.

YOUR COMPANY MURDERS PEOPLE,
MR. BUTTRAM.

OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR.
(Brody) SUSTAINED.

MR. ESPENSON, UH,
EMOTION HAS NO PLAY HERE,

AND UNLESS YOU CAN ASK
QUESTIONS, WE'RE MOVING ON.

OH, GET A GRIP, JUDGE.

(voice cracks) SORRY.

(Barry Manilow's "Tryin' to Get
the Feelin' Again" playing)

* DOCTOR, MY WOMAN

* IS COMIN' BACK HOME

* LATE TODAY

* COULD YOU MAYBE
GIVE ME SOMETHING? *

* 'CAUSE THE FEELING IS GONE

* AND I MUST GET IT BACK

* RIGHT AWAY

* BEFORE SHE SEES

* THAT I'VE BEEN

* UP, DOWN

* TRYIN' TO GET
THE FEELIN' AGAIN *

* OOH

* THE ONE THAT MADE SHIVER

* MADE MY KNEES
START TO QUIVER *

* EVERY TIME SHE WALKED IN

* AND I'VE LOOKED HIGH

* HIGH

* LOW

* LOW

* EVERYWHERE I POSSIBLY CAN

* HIGH

* BUT THERE'S NO
* LOW

* TRYIN' TO GET
THE FEELIN' AGAIN *

* IT SEEMED TO DISAPPEAR

* AS FAST AS IT CAME

* AND I BEEN LOOKIN'

* I BEEN LOOKIN',
I BEEN LOOKIN' *

* I BEEN UP
* UP

* AND DOWN
* DOWN

* AND TRYIN' TO GET
THE FEELIN' *

ALL YOURS.

(music fades)

EXCUSE ME?

I SAID THE WITNESS
IS ALL YOURS.

OH. OH.

(chuckles)

THANK YOU.

WERE YOU DELUSIONAL?

NOT DELUSIONAL SO MUCH AS...
(laughs) I DON'T KNOW,

LIKE I WAS IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE
ALL OF A SUDDEN...

SOMEWHERE ON CABLE.

THERE'S ONLY ONE EXPLANATION.
YOU'RE STILL IN LOVE WITH HER.

(laughs) NO.

NO, I'M JUST REMINDED

OF WHAT IT FELT LIKE
TO LOVE HER.

SHE SAID THAT MY EYES...

THAT THE FIRE WAS GONE

AND THAT PASSION IS
THE FIRST THING TO GO WHEN...

THAT'S BEEN ONE OF
MY GREATEST FEARS, DENNY,

THAT AS I GOT OLDER...

"DEADENED" WAS THE WORD
SHE USED.

(chuckles)

DEADENED.

YOU IN THE EYES,
ME IN THE JUNK.

ON TOP OF IT, I'M LOSING.

I THINK
I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE

NOT PUTTING UP
MORE WITNESSES.

SHE JUST PUT UP A MOUNTAIN
OF EXPERT TESTIMONY.

ALAN...

WHEN YOU STEP UP
TO DO YOUR CLOSINGS,

YOU'RE ANYTHING BUT DEAD.

SHE HASN'T GOT A TASTE
OF YOUR CASE YET.

SHE HAS NO IDEA OF HOW UNDEAD
YOU BECOME IN THAT COURTROOM.

A MASTERPIECE OF NATURE.

OH, COME ON.
SHE'S NOT THAT HOT.

I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT HER.

(chuckles) DENNY, I NEED
TO GO WORK ON MY CLOSING.

***

I'M VERY CONFUSED.

(Phoebe) AS I SAID,

TOBACCO COMPANIES DO MAKE
FOR EASY TARGETS.

AND I AM SURE
THAT THERE IS A PART OF YOU

THAT WANTS TO GET THEM.

SO IF YOU FIND
THAT MY CLIENT

CAUSED THE DEATH
OF MR. RHODES,

THEN BY ALL MEANS,

RETURN WITH A JUDGMENT
FOR THE PLAINTIFF.

BUT YOU SIMPLY CAN'T MAKE
THAT FINDING HERE.

YES, HE SMOKED.

HIS DAUGHTER SAYS THAT IT WAS
MOSTLY MY CLIENT'S BRAND,

BUT WE HAVE
NO SUBSTANTIATION OF THAT.

AND WHILE CIGARETTES MAY BE
THE MOST PROBABLE CULPRIT,

NO AUTOPSY WAS EVER DONE.

HE WANTS YOU TO DECIDE THIS
ON EMOTION.

BUT AS JUDGE BRODY
HAS ALREADY INSTRUCTED,

EMOTION HAS NO PLAY HERE.

THIS IS A COURT OF LAW,

AND AS SUCH, I WILL ASK
THAT YOU RULE ON THE EVIDENCE.

AFTER ALL...

YOU DID TAKE AN OATH
TO DO EXACTLY THAT.

(sheep bleats)

(bleat)

(bleat)

(cell phone beeps)

(softly) ALL RIGHT.

MICHAEL RHODES
SMOKED CIGARETTES FOR 50 YEARS,

GOT LUNG CANCER AND DIED.

WE ALL KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED HERE.

WE ALSO ALL KNOW THIS DEATH.

EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM
KNOWS SOMEBODY

WHO HAS FOUGHT THIS SAME BATTLE

AND DIED THIS AGONIZING,

BRUTAL, EXCRU--

(scoffs)

BUT EMOTION HAS NO PLAY HERE.

MICHAEL RHODES WAS 11 YEARS OLD
WHEN HE STARTED SMOKING.

IT WAS 1948.

AT THAT TIME,
THERE WAS NO KNOWN RISK,

AND EVEN IF THERE WERE,
AT 11,

HE CERTAINLY LACKED THE CAPACITY
TO ASSUME IT.

AND AFTER THAT,
HE WAS ADDICTED.

THEY MANUFACTURE THEM
TO BE ADDICTIVE.

IN JUST THE LAST FEW YEARS,

THEY'VE INCREASED
THE AMOUNT OF NICOTINE

IN THE AVERAGE CIGARETTE
BY 11.6%

TO MAKE THEM
EVEN MORE ADDICTIVE.

RECENTLY, WE LEARNED
THAT TOBACCO COMPANIES

HAVE BEEN ADDING

AN AMMONIA-BASED COMPOUND
TO CIGARETTES FOR YEARS

TO INCREASE ABSORPTION
OF NICOTINE.

IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME
PRINCIPLE USED IN CRACK COCAINE.

AND LET'S LOOK
AT THE OBSCENE STRATEGY

THEY'VE EMPLOYED HERE.

SMOKING MAY CAUSE CANCER,

BUT IT DIDN'T CAUSE
THIS PARTICULAR CANCER.

IT WASN'T OUR CIGARETTES

OR IT WAS GENETIC
OR ASBESTOS OR A PAPER MILL.

NEVER DO THEY
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, EVER.

AND GOD FORBID--

IF YOU SUE THEM, THEY'LL
BURY YOU AND YOUR LAWYER.

THEY MIGHT EVEN DEPOSE
YOUR DOCTOR TO DEATH

FOR GOOD MEASURE.

ALL THEIR INSIDIOUS METHODS
AND CUNNING CORPORATE TACTICS

AREN'T JUST HISTORY.

IT'S WHAT THEY CONTINUE
TO DO NOW, TODAY,

BECAUSE THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY
IS LIKE A NEST OF COCKROACHES.

THEY WILL ALWAYS FIND
A WAY TO SURVIVE.
OBJECTION.

THEY STILL GO AFTER KIDS
WITH ONE STRATEGY AFTER ANOTHER.

THEY PUT UP
BRIGHTLY COLORED ADS

AT KIDS' EYE LEVEL
IN CONVENIENCE STORES.

THEY HIRE
GORGEOUS TWENTYSOMETHINGS

TO FREQUENT POPULAR VENUES
AND SEDUCE YOUNG ADULTS

INTO ATTENDING LAVISH
CORPORATE-SPONSORED PARTIES.

COCKROACHES WILL ALWAYS
FIND A WAY.

THEY CAN'T ADVERTISE ON TV,
BUT THEY'VE HIRED P.R. AGENCIES

TO HOOK THEM UP
WITH THE FILM INDUSTRY,

AND IT'S WORKED.

RESEARCHERS ESTIMATE
THAT SMOKING IN MOVIES

DELIVERS NEARLY 400,000 NEW
ADOLESCENT SMOKERS EVERY YEAR.

EVERY TIME YOU TRY
TO KILL THE COCKROACH,

IT FINDS ANOTHER WAY.

IT HAS TO,
BECAUSE WHEN YOU MAKE A PRODUCT

THAT KILLS OFF YOUR CONSUMERS,

YOU HAVE TO FIND A WAY
TO RECRUIT NEW CUSTOMERS.

THEY'VE NOW GOT

A NEW FEMINIZED VERSION
OF THE MACHO CAMEL BRAND,

USING SLOGANS LIKE,
"LIGHT AND LUSCIOUS,"

UH, WITH HOT PINK PACKAGING.

UH, VIRGINIA SLIMS ADVERTISED
THEIR "THIN" CIGARETTE.

"ALLURE" MAGAZINE
DID A WHOLE SPREAD

ON THE CIGARETTE DIET.

THEY USE SOCIAL
AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILING,

TARGETING POTENTIAL SMOKERS
BY GENDER, ETHNICITY,

SEXUAL PREFERENCE,
SOCIOECONOMIC GROUPS.

COCKROACHES DON'T DISCRIMINATE.

THEIR C.E.O.
COMES INTO THIS COURTROOM

GLOATING OVER
THEIR ANTISMOKING CAMPAIGN,

WHICH IS DESIGNED
TO GET KIDS TO SMOKE.

IN 2005, THEY SPENT
MORE THAN $15 BILLION

ON ADVERTISING AND PROMOTION.

THAT'S A 225% INCREASE
FROM 1998,

AND THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY
TO DECLARE

THEY'RE TRYING
TO DISCOURAGE SMOKING.

THIS IS NOT HOW CORPORATIONS
WITH A CONSCIENCE BEHAVE.

HOW IN GOD'S NAME
ARE CIGARETTE'S EVEN LEGAL?

CAN ANYBODY TELL ME THAT?

THEY ARE A DEADLY CONCOCTION
OF CARCINOGENS

THAT DAMAGE EVERY SINGLE ORGAN
IN YOUR BODY.

WHY DO WE NOT BAN THEM?
BECAUSE IT'S A FREE COUNTRY?

BECAUSE FREEDOM OF CHOICE
IS AN AMERICAN IDEAL

WORTH SOMEBODY DYING
EVERY SIX SECONDS?

HOW CAN ANY COMPANY,

ESPECIALLY ONE WITH
SUCH A CONSCIENCE, NO LESS,

KNOWINGLY MANUFACTURE A PRODUCT
THAT POISONS ITS USERS,

AND MAKE THAT PRODUCT LOOK
COOL AND HIP AND SEXY AND FUN

SO THEY CAN GET CHILDREN?

HOW CAN ANY ATTORNEY

DEFEND A COMPANY
THAT WOULD DO SUCH A THING?

AND HOW CAN ANY SOCIETY
TOLERATE IT? BUT WE DO.

THERE IS NO CONSCIENCE
AT BIG TOBACCO.

THERE IS NO CONSCIENCE
IN WASHINGTON,

WHICH HAS BEEN BOUGHT
AND PAID FOR BY THIS INDUSTRY.

CONSCIENCE HAS TO COME
FROM YOU, THE JURY.

IF REAL REGULATION
IS TO HAPPEN,

IT HAS TO COME FROM YOU.

PEOPLE ARE SMOKING
DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY

AND DYING AND DYING AND DYING,

AND THE TOBACCO COMPANIES
KEEP GETTING RICHER AND RICHER.

LAST YEAR ALONE, THEY MADE
$12 BILLION IN PROFITS.

HOW CAN THAT BE?

HOW CAN THAT BE?

***

WHAT?

HOW ABOUT WE WIN,
YOU COME BACK TO MY PLACE,

GET IN THE HOT TUB NAKED,
AND I'LL BOB FOR YOU?

THAT'S A PASS.

(knock on door)

ALAN...

MY CLIENT
HAS EXPRESSED AN INTEREST

IN WORKING THIS OUT.

THAT'S A PASS, TOO.
DON'T YOU WANT TO HEAR
A NUMBER?

I DON'T NEED TO HEAR
YOUR NUMBER.
(knock on door)

EXCUSE ME.
JURY HAS A VERDICT.
ALREADY?

LET'S GO HEAR
THEIR NUMBER.

MAYBE WE SHOULD
AT LEAST LISTEN

TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

YES, IT IS, FOR THEM.

BETHANY---

MR. FOREMAN, THE JURY
HAS REACHED A VERDICT?

WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR.
WHAT SAY YOU?

IN THE MATTER

OF RHODES vs. A.B. CURTIS
TOBACCO COMPANY,

ON THE COUNT
OF WRONGFUL DEATH,

WE FIND IN FAVOR
OF THE PLAINTIFF.

(gallery murmuring)
HOT DAMN!

AND WE ORDER THE DEFENDANT
TO PAY COMPENSATORY DAMAGES

IN THE AMOUNT OF $600,000.

WE FURTHER ORDER THE DEFENDANT
TO PAY PUNITIVE DAMAGES

IN THE AMOUNT OF $213 MILLION.

WHAT?

DEFENSE MOVES FOR A JUDGMENT
NOTWITHSTANDING THE VERDICT.

(Brody) DENIED.

DEFENSE MOVES TO SET ASIDE
THE AWARD AS EXCESSIVE.
(makes popping sound)

DENIED.
WE APPEAL.

SO NOTED. MEMBERS OF THE JURY,
THIS COMPLETES YOUR SERVICE.

THE, UH, COURT DISMISSES YOU
WITH THEIR THANKS,

AND WE ARE ADJOURNED.

(bangs gavel)

YOU GOTTA FEEL LIKE
GETTING NAKED NOW.

MR. SHORE...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

NEITHER DO I.

(Bethany) ALAN...

THANK YOU SO, SO MUCH.
(chuckles)

ALAN, UH, A SECOND,
PLEASE...

IN PRIVATE?

WELL...

CONGRATULATIONS.

OBVIOUSLY, WE'LL BE
FIGHTING THIS.

IT'LL BE YEARS AND YEARS

BEFORE THIS THING
IS REMOTELY OVER.

I'VE GOT TIME.

IT'S NOT AS IF I'M DYING
OR ANYTHING.

NO, YOU'RE...
QUITE NOT.

WELL, I, UM...

I DON'T DO APPELLATE WORK,

SO I'LL BE PASSING THIS ON
TO ANOTHER LAWYER...

(whispers) SO...

I GUESS
THIS IS GOOD-BYE THEN.

YES. (chuckles)

WELL...

(whispers) GOOD-BYE, ALAN.

(door closes)

GOOD-BYE.

***

YOU STILL HAVE ME.

IT'S NOT QUITE THE SAME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, DENNY?

SOMETIMES IT COMES
REMARKABLY CLOSE.

WHAT YOU SAID TO ME

ABOUT BEING UNDEAD
IN THE COURTROOM,

IT...

IT'S NOT LOST ON ME
HOW LUCKY I AM

TO HAVE SOMEBODY IN MY LIFE
WHO CAN...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO
WITHOUT YOU.

AHH.

YOU KNOW, AS MUCH
AS I HATE CIGARETTES,

I SO MISS
THE CIGARETTE BREAK--

A LITTLE RESPITE WHERE
COWORKERS WOULD GO OUTSIDE

AND BE COMMUNAL,

DISCUSS
THE TRIVIAL ANNOYANCES

AND AFFECTIONS
IN THEIR LIVES

THAT ALWAYS TURNED OUT TO BE
ANYTHING BUT TRIVIAL.

AND TO THINK,
I MIGHT NOT EVEN KNOW YOU

BUT FOR THE FACT
THAT WE BOTH

LIKE TO SMOKE THESE
SMELLY CANCER STICKS

THAT CAN ONLY BE SMOKED
OUTSIDE.

HMM.

THAT WOULD BE A TRAGEDY.

I ESPECIALLY CAN'T IMAGINE
BEING ALONE NOW...

WHEN MY JUNK HAS ALZHEIMER'S.
(laughs) DENNY.

WELL, IT'S A SYMPTOM.
YOU SAID SO YOURSELF.

IT FIGURES.

FOR ME, IT WOULD BE
THE FIRST THING TO GO.

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT?
OH. I DIDN'T SEE IT.

OHH.

IS THAT THE--

IT--

N--(mutters)
SEE YA.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
AT LEAST LET ME SEE IT.

OH, MY.

(gasps) IT'S A TWO-PIECE,
DENNY. A SHARE TOY.

FORGET IT.
COME ON.

IT WAS A GIFT TO ME.
YOU TAKE TOP.
I'LL TAKE BOTTOM.

NOT A CHANCE. OOH.

WHAT?

I'M CURED. I'M BACK.

I'M GONE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA.

WHY NOT SAVOR THIS MOMENT?
AT MY AGE, I'M LUCKY
TO LAST A MOMENT.

YOU TAKE THE TOP,
I'LL TAKE THE BOTTOM.

TOMORROW WE'LL SWITCH OFF.

IT'LL BE JUST LIKE THE 3-WAY
YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
I NEVER WANTED YOU
AS PART OF THE 3.

DENNY...

I HAVE NEVER ASKED YOU
FOR ANYTHING.

I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND.

OH, ALAN!

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE
SO SELFISH AND CRUEL?

DON'T RUIN IT.

(laughs) OH, MY GOD.

SEE YA.

WHAT'S YOUR RUSH?
SLOW DOWN.

TREAT HER RIGHT.

ROMANCE HER A LITTLE.

AT LEAST...

DANCE WITH HER FIRST.

DANCE?

(laughs)

HOLD HER. DRINK HER IN.

CHERISH HER.

(Nat King Cole) * "L"

OH.

* IS FOR THE WAY
YOU LOOK AT ME *

* "O" IS FOR...

THIS IS MAGIC.

IT'S FANTASTIC.

GOD, ARE WE WEIRD?

SO WEIRD.

* EXTRAORDINARY

* "E" IS EVEN MORE

* THAN ANYONE THAT YOU ADORE

* AND LOVE WAS MADE

* FOR ME AND YOU

NEXT ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...

OH, GOD.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW?

THAT'S HOW YOU GREET
YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER?
TELL ME WHAT YOU DID.

I VOTED IN THE PRIMARY.
YOU'RE 17.

YOU'RE AS HOT AS GRANNY.
ARE YOU AS NASTY? (grunts)

WHAT I'M GONNA DO
IS MAKE YOU TWO OFFERS.

ONE'S GREAT.
THE OTHER, BETTER.

HERE'S THE NUMBER.
IT'LL MAKE YOUR EYES POP.

MY GOD. HIS DAUGHTER WAS RAPED.

YOU'VE TURNED IT
INTO A GAME SHOW.
LIFE IS NOTHING

BUT A SWEEPSTAKES,
THAT'S WHAT I SAY.
DENNY?

HE'S NOT BREATHING.
CALL 9-1-1.

DENNY, IF THIS IS A JOKE...
DENNY!

DENNY!